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Last weekend was my alma mater’s high school graduation. A thrilling, momentous (and gorgeous) day! It made me think back to my own graduation and the fact that what scared me at 18 scares me still: moving forward into the unknown. In fact, if I could go back and give myself advice it would probably be this: The future is scary. It never stops being scary. Get used to it. And don’t be scared.

Don’t get me wrong, I was excited to leave high school, to venture out of state to college, to make new friends and take classes towards two majors I was passionate about (screenwriting! creative writing! so much writing!). But I was also terrified. My high school was a cocoon of all that was familiar and comfortable and good. Not that every day was bliss. There were fights and tears and stress. But what I realized on graduation night was that I wasn’t ready to leave. I’m never ready to leave: not school, not a party, not vacation. I’m not ready to leave for work in the morning, and I’m not ready to leave work in the afternoon. And I’m NEVER ready to go to bed at night, no matter how tired I feel.

I spent much of the summer before college doing what I loved: reading–and finally there was no required reading. Free to read what I wanted, I think I read nothing but Orson Scott Card. I’m not going to get political here because this was during an innocent time before the internet gobbled me whole, so these books were merely the words on the page and what I brought to them.

I remember it so clearly. I was sitting on the deck at my parents’ house, feeling sorry for myself because in a few months time I would be far away from the beautiful rolling hills, when I came to one specific passage.

Alvin grimaced at him.  ‘Taleswapper, I’m not ready to leave home yet.’
‘Maybe folks have to leave home before they’re ready, or they never get ready at all.”

I stopped and read it again. Because although I had not named it out loud, that was me. I was Alvin. And Taleswapper’s words were exactly what I needed to hear: it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not feel ready. Because if you wait to feel ready, then you’ll be waiting forever. Sometimes you have to jump out of the plane and trust that your parachute will open.*

*(Please note, I have never been sky diving, but I know someone who has, so that’s almost the same thing, right?)

It’s funny to think back to that day, because it it planted a seed which has motivated me many times since. Not always, of course. Sometimes I still chicken out. But sometimes when anxiety refuses to release its stranglehold: a new relationship, a new job, a new adventure–I find myself thinking back to those wise words, and I realize that I will be okay, because I’m always okay.

And if Orson Scott Card is not your bent, a good friend of mine recently gave me a new mantra, one that she repeats to her daughter whenever she is scared worried. “You are BRAVE. You are STRONG. You are WONDERFUL. And YOU will be fine.” What better words could you ever need?

There are so many things I could have missed out on, if I gave into fear:

So do you embrace the future at full tilt? Or are you worry-wart* like me?

*(Officially diagnosed by my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Burton. Thanks for that.)

What gets you through the scary times?

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5 Stars
Lost and Found
Bill Harley
Peachtree Publishers
No. Pgs: 32    Ages: 4 - 8
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Peachtree Website: When Justin loses the special hat his grandmother made for him, he looks everywhere he can think of to find it. Everywhere, that is, except the lost and found. Mr. Rumkowsky, the old school custodian, is the keeper of all the lost and found items, and everyone is afraid of him, including Justin.

With his grandmother coming to visit soon, his mom upset, and the hat nowhere in sight, Justin finally musters the courage to enter Mr. Rumkowsky’s domain. There he discovers a whole world of treasures – lost items Justin’s friends (and generations of children before them) have been too afraid to claim. Things keep getting weirder and weirder, until way down at the bottom of Rumkowsky’s giant box Justin unearths something completely unexpected…

∞∞∞∞♦♦∞∞∞∞

Justin has lost his hat, the special hat, the one grandma made him, with the red ball on top that fell off. Now, grandma is coming for a visit and mom is upset that Justin has lost his hat. But Justin has asked all his friends and no one has seen his hat.

“Did you ask Mr. Rumkowsky?”

None of the kids wanted to ask Mr. Rumkowsky if he found anything they had lost. They were each too afraid of Mr. Rumkowsky, who was the old custodian located at the end of the scary hallway, behind the cafeteria. Justin continued to look every place imaginable and a couple more after those. Finally, Justin knew what he had to do. His grandma was coming for a visit and he needs his hat.

Mr. Rumkowsky has been with the school forever and he grumbles and frowns. This makes him look scary and none of the kids wants to find out if they are wrong, because they believe they are right. Justin is at the end of his rope and must now go to the lost and found, which means going to see Mr. Rumkowsky.

I enjoyed Lost and Found. The basement corridor that went past the custodian’s office was terrifying in elementary school, as was the dreaded principal’s office. The authority these imposing adults had over “us” kids was actually terrifying. Like Justin and his friends, we were afraid though we had no real information to make such a decision.  Unlike Justin, none of us was ever brave enough to go down that hall. Justin shows much courage not once, but twice and several times after that. Soon, Justin discovers treasures galore in the lost and found from generations of students, and he finds Mr. Rumkowsky is a good guy.

The illustrations really set the mood for this story. The full spreads are wonderful representations. The custodian’s door has multiple locks that perpetuate this climate of fear. This generational mistrust is easily seen. A closer look at those locks on the custodian’s door shows they are on the inside of the door, as if Mr. Rumkowsky was afraid of what might enter, perhaps a student needing help finding a lost item.

Boys and girls will love Lost and Found, especially if they have a similarly scary person at their school. Librarians and teachers will love this book for its perfect story time quality, the expressive text matched with the dynamic illustrations, that can be seen to several rows back.. Mr. Harley and Mr. Gustavson have produced a picture book that is unique yet captures a common childhood dilemma: the fear of authority.

Interview with Author Bill Harley HERE!

Lost and Found

Author: Bill Harley   website   activity fun!   newsletter
Illustrator: Adam Gustavson   website   facebook
Publisher: Peachtree Publishers   website
Release Date: October 1, 2012
ISBN: 978-1-56145-628-4
Number of Pages: 32
Ages: 4 to 8
Grades: Pre-K to 3
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"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown." 

H.P. Lovecraft, right? Fear sounds like a great topic for a horror writer's blog, especially during October. Just don't tell anyone I haven't finished a story since March, okay? Besides, I'm a human being before I'm a horror writer. And this human being has faced a lot of fear in his life. Note the past tense: faced.

Last night, someone very dear to me asked if I was "scared" of the future. I took a minute to feel the the question, weigh it a little, and try to understand my feelings before I responded.

No. Not scared. I don't fear the future anymore. While I wrestle a bit with the unknown, it's a much healthier relationship than fear. Fear paralyzes and leads to poor judgement. Fear kills dreams and clogs the pathways to achieving goals. Maybe a better word than fear is anticipation, that heightened sense of reality when expecting something important, something big. Something challenging but wholly good. 

And the future is good. Life is good, even when it is a struggle. Even when awful tragedy happens, I still have the choice to focus on hope and goodness and the gifts I've been given. Yes, it may be impossible to feel hope and goodness in the midst of the tragic event. I know--I've been there. But the lesson looks different seven months later. None of us make it through life without scars, but scars become stories, and stories remind us of the preciousness of each day. Besides--when "bad things" happen, they will do so whether I allow fear to eat away my life or not. An abundance of fear makes no one safer. That is the lie that fear whispers to us. 

Wasted energy, if you ask me. I'd rather save my energy for the road ahead.

So how do I feel about the future? Hopeful. Filled with a healthy level of anticipation. Ready to roll up my sleeves and go to work. It's good.

Tension abducts the shoulders and arms. Fingers twitch ever so slightly as they rest on the keyboard. Eyes see only a blank desert before them, boding ill for any who traverse that lonely stretch of white.

Why is it that beginning a piece of writing looms, as guillotine over neck, waiting for the blade to drop? How can a simple exercise of putting words to paper or computer exact such a toll? Writers have debated the issue for years, probably centuries, and definitive answers remain elusive.

Having suffered from this debility a time or two—okay, read that as every day—I can only suggest my personal reasons for suffering and the relief measures I take to combat those reasons.

10 Reasons for Avoiding the Keyboard

1. No one is interested in anything I have to say.
2. What I have to say has no value.
3. What’s the point of putting myself out there?
4. I don’t have the talent that it takes to make it as a writer.
5. This dream is a waste of time I could be using elsewhere.
6. I’ll never gain approval from anyone for writing, so why do it?
7. Getting something published takes too much time.
8. I have too many other things to do with my time than sit here pretending to be a writer.
9. So I have a story idea. It will never sell.
10.  Only my friends ever read my stuff. I’m going out and enjoy the       sunshine instead of being cooped up in here writing drivel.

Did any of these sound familiar? I’d bet that you’ve experienced at least five of these in the past three months.

Doubt is a normal human response to anything that exposes us to criticism. After all, no one likes being criticized for anything. Avoidance is the common remedy for dealing with criticism. If a venture is never begun, never made available for others to see, no one has an opportunity to criticize you for anything.

Taking Charge of Self-Doubt and Fear

Children are taught both self-doubt and fear of disapproval when they’re seldom praised for their efforts. As an adult those who’ve lived without much praise for good performance, good effort, etc. constantly seek out the missing approval. That, too, is a normal human motivation.

This constant seeking of approval can lead down a road to success or continued failure. The signpost for the direction taken, I think, is the one that reads “YOU’RE HERE—FEAR”

If fear is allowed to control you’re actions, it controls your life and your freedom. Whether you become agoraphobic or not doesn’t matter. You’re still hiding inside a locked room—the one you’ve made for yourself and your aspirations.

I created a motto for myself today and shared it with another writer this morning. It is: “If you never begin, you never arrive.”

Will the world end if your story isn’t equal to one belonging to Dickens, Heinlein, King, or Hemingway? If your poem isn’t of the same caliber as 8 Comments on Whether Right or Wrong—Write, last added: 3/3/2012