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Viewing Blog: Libby Rouleau, Most Recent at Top
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I am a Literary Agent with Page Turner Promotions as well as a creative writer, artist, wife, mom of three, very industrious children and a neurotic Schnauzer. I love to try and make sense of it all with a bit of humor and to write about what I see going on around me.
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1. The Crass Response to Tiger's Apology....

I love my friend Caroline's sense of humor. This is her post on Facebook today regarding Tiger Woods' apology to the public:

"Wouldn't it have been a hoot if Tiger had appeared with 10 Playboy girls and just said "KISS MY ASS...YOUR JUST JEALOUS"!!!! he he he he he he he"

Clarification for the serious:  Just in fun...kidding around.

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2. The Crass Response to Tiger's Apology....

I love my friend Caroline's sense of humor. This is her post on Facebook today regarding Tiger Woods' apology to the public:

"Wouldn't it have been a hoot if Tiger had appeared with 10 Playboy girls and just said "KISS MY ASS...YOUR JUST JEALOUS"!!!! he he he he he he he"

Clarification for the serious:  Just in fun...kidding around.



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3. Fat Tuesday...Fat Mouth. Mine

On Twitter today:

@jaelithe:   "BTW did I ever tell you I'm half Catholic? I got the Mardi Gras half. But not the Lent half."
Me: Oh, that's good- Meee toooo!

Me:  I never could make it through Lent w/ impossible sacrifices like giving up wine or chocolate. Then experience the temporary guilt for giving up licking envelopes? Cheers!
Twisted...self-seeking, I know.

Me:  Word of the day for me: "Abnegate" - to renounce, deny. ehh...I do that. often. I just have a new word for it now.

Me:  Uh oh...I didn't in any way mean to infer that I am "abnegating" Lent. Nothing official; I don't qualify. No ex-communication needed here...

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4. Fat Tuesday...Fat Mouth. Mine

On Twitter today:

@jaelithe:   "BTW did I ever tell you I'm half Catholic? I got the Mardi Gras half. But not the Lent half."
Me: Oh, that's good- Meee toooo!

Me:  I never could make it through Lent w/ impossible sacrifices like giving up wine or chocolate. Then experience the temporary guilt for giving up licking envelopes? Cheers!
Twisted...self-seeking, I know.

Me:  Word of the day for me: "Abnegate" - to renounce, deny. ehh...I do that. often. I just have a new word for it now.

Me:  Uh oh...I didn't in any way mean to infer that I am "abnegating" Lent. Nothing official; I don't qualify. No ex-communication needed here...



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5. Turning Points

My youngest, 9 YO daughter this morning: "Did Brad and Angelina have ANOTHER baby?"
When did we get to this? Apparently today. What happened to, " Mommy, can we bake cookies today?" I guess there was a reason for me to look at old pictures last night...

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6. Turning Points

My youngest, 9 YO daughter this morning: "Did Brad and Angelina have ANOTHER baby?"
When did we get to this? Apparently today. What happened to, " Mommy, can we bake cookies today?" I guess there was a reason for me to look at old pictures last night...



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7. Never Thought I would See This...

Who have I become? I am in a bidding war on eBay right now with a potential nemesis over what better be less than $50.00 for a Banana Republic leather bag! I need to get a life... Now, to go see what's going on.
I'm back.
Ok, IT IS ON....Chick from Long Island, or husband,boyfriend...or whatever you are!
Why do I feel so entitled to this? This is the way auctioning is set up. The rules apply to me as well. It's merely a material thing- that I happen to want at a very low price.
This is what I am reduced to for hitting the 'BROWSE' button? Then typing in 'Handbags'? Then 'Watch'? Then, 'BID NOW'? 
I see how you're going to be Long Island....I bet you have too many handbags already. Sure. Unlimited time to spend on searching and bidding for items that you truly don't need. 
Why this purse? Shouldn't you and your other handbags be determing which one you will use next? Or getting ready for a nice Valentine's Day dinner? Aren't you hungry right now? Go open a bottle of wine and forget about this purse for the next hour and twenty, uh thirty minutes.

Did I say I need to get a life? Ok, maybe a therapist too.

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8. I Never Thought I Would See This...

Who have I become? I am in a bidding war on eBay right now with a potential nemesis over what better be less than $50.00, for a Banana Republic, leather bag! I need to get a life... Now, back to see what's going on.

Ok, I'm back and IT-IS-ON....Chick from Long Island, or husband,boyfriend...or whatever you are!
Why do I feel so entitled to this? This is the way auctioning is set up. The rules apply to me as well. It's merely a material thing- that I happen to want at a very low price.
This is what I am reduced to for hitting the 'BROWSE' button? Then typing in 'HANDBAGS'? Click 'WATCHING NOW'? Then, 'BID NOW'?  I know....it's ridiculous. But do you know what this bag would sell for, Retail?

I see how you're going to be Long Island....I bet you have too many handbags already. Sure. Unlimited time to spend on searching and bidding for items that you truly don't need.  I don't have that kind of time!
Come on! With your persistence, there's a nice Omega watch you could get for under $100.00 if you jump over to that now.

Why this purse? Shouldn't you and your other handbags be determing which one you will use next? Or getting ready for a nice Valentine's Day dinner? Aren't you hungry right now?  Go open a bottle of wine and forget about this purse for the next hour and twenty, uh thirty minutes. It's ok. You and your aggressive, clicking, bidding finger just sit..waiting... for the laaast minute to attack...I mean, bid.
You know, this could qualify as a competitive sport! Ughhh, now I am stuck here to fight it out.  Sorry kids, get yourselves a Pop-Tart!  (the organic with whole grains, of course.) Shame is already hunting me down.

Did I say I need to get a life? Ok, maybe a therapist too.



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9. Love and Pain

Author and friend, Stephanie Goddard posted this quote on Facebook today:

"We can’t evolve without love, which necessitates opening ourselves up to the possibility of pain."
~Steven Forrest

My response:
Perfect post for today, Steph. So true.

The thought of taking even a mild risk of exposing a part of ourselves can be debilitating and scary, but so necessary to grow and feel confident.
I think we take a risk (a healthy one), by opening ourselves up. A good place to practice this can be on here, FB, as well as other social sites. Participating may encourage others to do so, and may truly help others who didn't know how to help themselves before. By just taking subtle steps- sharing a thought, joining a thread with just a comment; Sharing animals or gifts ( humm...maybe if I stop feeding my children, I can find time for a functioning farm ; )

With this, we have to keep in mind, that when we over-analyze something we've said or done, to try and remember what Steph quoted yesterday from Byron Katie, "It is not our responsibility to worry about what others think."
With a little, or alot of painful practice, we can filter and balance this and all roads lead to good.
Being the impulsive queen of throwing myself out there, I should know!!!

Cheers to Steph- Opening up can be so edifying."

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10. Love and Pain

Author and friend, Stephanie Goddard posted this quote on Facebook today:

"We can’t evolve without love, which necessitates opening ourselves up to the possibility of pain."
~Steven Forrest

My response:
Perfect post for today, Steph. So true.

The thought of taking even a mild risk of exposing a part of ourselves can be debilitating and scary, but so necessary to grow and feel confident.
I think we take a risk (a healthy one), by opening ourselves up. A good place to practice this can be on here, FB, as well as other social sites. Participating may encourage others to do so, and may truly help others who didn't know how to help themselves before. By just taking subtle steps- sharing a thought, joining a thread with just a comment; Sharing animals or gifts ( humm...maybe if I stop feeding my children, I can find time for a functioning farm ; )

With this, we have to keep in mind, that when we over-analyze something we've said or done, to try and remember what Steph quoted yesterday from Byron Katie, "It is not our responsibility to worry about what others think."
With a little, or alot of painful practice, we can filter and balance this and all roads lead to good.
Being the impulsive queen of throwing myself out there, I should know!!!

Cheers to Steph- Opening up can be so edifying."



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11.

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12.



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13. Daily Dose

FYI: Chuck E. Cheese has a 2 drink maximun...I know! Right? That place is so anxiety provoking. Severe stimulation overload. But I do see their point. It could get ugly in there- they would have to hire a Bouncer...Children left behind..Parents start hitting on other parents...

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14. Daily Dose

FYI: Chuck E. Cheese has a 2 drink maximun...I know! Right? That place is so anxiety provoking. Severe stimulation overload. But I do see their point. It could get ugly in there- they would have to hire a Bouncer...Children left behind..Parents start hitting on other parents...



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15. About Santa... (written in 2006)

I don't mean to sound like Ebenezer Scrooge, but I am trying not to panic here.
There are four more days left until Christmas and I cannot find the few items that my children have asked for.

I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I am not going to kill myself or someone else in these maddening shopping crowds and traffic- or deplete my bank account to find these items.

My children and family will just have to settle for whatever may end up under the tree (if it is still standing) and focus on celebrating the true meaning of Christmas...the birth of Christ.

I haven't addressed the first card, or baked a single cookie. Everyone from the teachers to the bus drivers and neighbors will be getting Starbucks gift cards and blueberry maple syrup from Trader Joes.
Why? Because it's cheap, I could get it in mass quantity yesterday- it's easy, and I need easy right now.

On a positive note, we do have our tree up. However, it has fallen over twice, breaking several of the "front of the tree ornaments"; yet I refuse to part with them, so they will spend the duration of the holidays as the wedged between the "branches of misfit ornaments", on the tree that is now wired to the wall.

I am a Christian, but I have to say that I am a little envious of my Jewish friends right now- a Menorah would be so much easier than a nine foot, live, "has to be Frazier Fir", tree that is a fire hazard and drops millions of needles per hour; requiring frequent vacuuming.

With a Menorah, you just polish it, place it somewhere, and pack it away. I really like that Adam Sandler, "Hanukkah" song too...

Oy, I mean, Gah! Or today, Bah! I may just throw in the towel and boycott this ridiculously tiresome, commercial part of Christmas and just stock my pantry with 4 dozen bottles of blueberry maple syrup.

I could make my life a lot easier if I just tell my six year old daughter, Anna, that the jolly, old, fat man named Santa, who flies around the entire world within hours, but bypasses third-world countries, DOES NOT EXIST!

This may traumatize her for a bit, but then I won't have to lie to her anymore and come up with the reason that Santa does not bring $1,500.00, high maintenance Parrots to six year old girls.

"He", can't even bring you the "Baby Alive" doll you wanted unless he participates in an auction for it on eBay, paying some exhorbitant amount of money because "He", can't find it anywhere else on the face of this planet. "He" refuses to succomb to the inflated price wars with certain ticket items and the mass hysteria that this season produces.

His elves don't breed Parrots, and they don't make "Baby Alive" dolls that urinate. Deal honey. How about a game of "Candy Land"?

Needless to say, the Playstation III the boys wanted will just have to wait for when the hysteria abates. Life will go on...

So- if you are my friend or family member, forgive me for my lack of holiday spirit right now. It will be a little latent. Oh, and you may not get a card this year.

Cheers, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!

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16. About Santa... (written in 2006)

I don't mean to sound like Ebenezer Scrooge, but I am trying not to panic here.
There are four more days left until Christmas and I cannot find the few items that my children have asked for.

I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I am not going to kill myself or someone else in these maddening shopping crowds and traffic- or deplete my bank account to find these items.

My children and family will just have to settle for whatever may end up under the tree (if it is still standing) and focus on celebrating the true meaning of Christmas...the birth of Christ.

I haven't addressed the first card, or baked a single cookie. Everyone from the teachers to the bus drivers and neighbors will be getting Starbucks gift cards and blueberry maple syrup from Trader Joes.
Why? Because it's cheap, I could get it in mass quantity yesterday- it's easy, and I need easy right now.

On a positive note, we do have our tree up. However, it has fallen over twice, breaking several of the "front of the tree ornaments"; yet I refuse to part with them, so they will spend the duration of the holidays as the wedged between the "branches of misfit ornaments", on the tree that is now wired to the wall.

I am a Christian, but I have to say that I am a little envious of my Jewish friends right now- a Menorah would be so much easier than a nine foot, live, "has to be Frazier Fir", tree that is a fire hazard and drops millions of needles per hour; requiring frequent vacuuming.

With a Menorah, you just polish it, place it somewhere, and pack it away. I really like that Adam Sandler, "Hanukkah" song too...

Oy, I mean, Gah! Or today, Bah! I may just throw in the towel and boycott this ridiculously tiresome, commercial part of Christmas and just stock my pantry with 4 dozen bottles of blueberry maple syrup.

I could make my life a lot easier if I just tell my six year old daughter, Anna, that the jolly, old, fat man named Santa, who flies around the entire world within hours, but bypasses third-world countries, DOES NOT EXIST!

This may traumatize her for a bit, but then I won't have to lie to her anymore and come up with the reason that Santa does not bring $1,500.00, high maintenance Parrots to six year old girls.

"He", can't even bring you the "Baby Alive" doll you wanted unless he participates in an auction for it on eBay, paying some exhorbitant amount of money because "He", can't find it anywhere else on the face of this planet. "He" refuses to succomb to the inflated price wars with certain ticket items and the mass hysteria that this season produces.

His elves don't breed Parrots, and they don't make "Baby Alive" dolls that urinate. Deal honey. How about a game of "Candy Land"?

Needless to say, the Playstation III the boys wanted will just have to wait for when the hysteria abates. Life will go on...

So- if you are my friend or family member, forgive me for my lack of holiday spirit right now. It will be a little latent. Oh, and you may not get a card this year.

Cheers, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!



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17. Reckless Reproducer - written 2/2009

Why isn't Nadya Suleman's Physician being held accountable for his part in this reckless reproduction circus? After all, even persons seeking gender reassignment must go through at least one year of extensive therapy and profiling for consideration prior to surgery.

Why would any sane, licensed physician agree to implant anything other than an IUD into this woman; given her mostly self-imposed socio-economic status ( single, unemployed, dependent on aging parents, and emotional history)?

This young woman clearly isn’t thinking rationally or projecting into the future regarding the physical and emotional welfare for her children, her parents or the U.S. taxpayers. She is an attention junkie who has been watching too much television and is living in a dream world.

As a 41 year old, married, mom of three children, I am very thankful that my children have no special needs other than being unpredictable and hyper when given too much sugar. Ok, one has Asthma, as do I, and even though my husband makes a very good salary and has good insurance, the cost of living is extremely expensive, as the healthcare insurance for us has changed in the last year.

Nadya has no idea what she is facing.

I know with just three children(did I just say, "just three"?), I am exhausted. I applaud my friends who have three or four children and seem to carry it off with such finesse and haven't had nervous breakdowns. Not that I am aware of anyway. There are days when I feel like I am just one hour or mere seconds away from one.

It is unfortunate that Nadya’s parents could not somehow cease support for her to continue after the first implantation. With their continued support, she most likely felt enabled to continue with these pregnancies.

I know that my husband and I , as parents, want to make our children happy; but there are limitations as to what we will provide for them for everyone’s best interest. My parents practiced the same philosophy.

Sure, I wanted a pony and later a brand new car and an unlimited budget for clothing and beer in college. I would have considered my parents my banking source forever had they not said, “NO”… “It’s not in the budget….not a good idea, be independent for a few years….nice girls don’t have sex”.

Oddly enough, I was never was told, “No implantations for you!” It was simply, "if you screw up, you’ll lose your car with no air-conditioning, and you'll get a bad reputation. Don't bring shame on us!!!"

I just told my 12 year old son that he is not entitled to an I- phone, even though the little entrepreneur sold last year’s Christmas gifts on eBay to get one. A" single", regular cell phone should be adequate for him when he is old enough.

Pehaps Nadya’s parents should have exercised the same parenting practices. “ Sorry Nadya, another baby (or 13) just isn’t in the budget honey….here, take a look at the classifieds!” “ By the way, you may want to learn how to cut hair”. 14 haircuts in addition to plastic surgery requirements, and the need for MAC make up really adds up."

Nadya’s reckless decision to continue having babies is going to result in neglect to all of the children, as they cannot possibly get the emotional, physical and just basic fundamental family needs that they will need.

It is one thing to deal with babies and toddlers and “hopefully” have somewhat predictable finances for them as it relates to housing, diapers, clothing, food, toys…then the teenage years: more expensive clothing, braces, constant changing tech toys, possibly therapy, meds, attorney’s fees. It goes on.

I realize that everyone is different when it comes to their threshold level for tolerance and the unexpected events children can bring. They bring so much joy, but they also bring many challenges. It varies depending on personalities, income that enables flexibility, etc.

I am educated and whe

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18. Reckless Reproducer - written 2/2009

Why isn't Nadya Suleman's Physician being held accountable for his part in this reckless reproduction circus? After all, even persons seeking gender reassignment must go through at least one year of extensive therapy and profiling for consideration prior to surgery.

Why would any sane, licensed physician agree to implant anything other than an IUD into this woman; given her mostly self-imposed socio-economic status ( single, unemployed, dependent on aging parents, and emotional history)?

This young woman clearly isn’t thinking rationally or projecting into the future regarding the physical and emotional welfare for her children, her parents or the U.S. taxpayers. She is an attention junkie who has been watching too much television and is living in a dream world.

As a 41 year old, married, mom of three children, I am very thankful that my children have no special needs other than being unpredictable and hyper when given too much sugar. Ok, one has Asthma, as do I, and even though my husband makes a very good salary and has good insurance, the cost of living is extremely expensive, as the healthcare insurance for us has changed in the last year.

Nadya has no idea what she is facing.

I know with just three children(did I just say, "just three"?), I am exhausted. I applaud my friends who have three or four children and seem to carry it off with such finesse and haven't had nervous breakdowns. Not that I am aware of anyway. There are days when I feel like I am just one hour or mere seconds away from one.

It is unfortunate that Nadya’s parents could not somehow cease support for her to continue after the first implantation. With their continued support, she most likely felt enabled to continue with these pregnancies.

I know that my husband and I , as parents, want to make our children happy; but there are limitations as to what we will provide for them for everyone’s best interest. My parents practiced the same philosophy.

Sure, I wanted a pony and later a brand new car and an unlimited budget for clothing and beer in college. I would have considered my parents my banking source forever had they not said, “NO”… “It’s not in the budget….not a good idea, be independent for a few years….nice girls don’t have sex”.

Oddly enough, I was never was told, “No implantations for you!” It was simply, "if you screw up, you’ll lose your car with no air-conditioning, and you'll get a bad reputation. Don't bring shame on us!!!"

I just told my 12 year old son that he is not entitled to an I- phone, even though the little entrepreneur sold last year’s Christmas gifts on eBay to get one. A" single", regular cell phone should be adequate for him when he is old enough.

Pehaps Nadya’s parents should have exercised the same parenting practices. “ Sorry Nadya, another baby (or 13) just isn’t in the budget honey….here, take a look at the classifieds!” “ By the way, you may want to learn how to cut hair”. 14 haircuts in addition to plastic surgery requirements, and the need for MAC make up really adds up."

Nadya’s reckless decision to continue having babies is going to result in neglect to all of the children, as they cannot possibly get the emotional, physical and just basic fundamental family needs that they will need.

It is one thing to deal with babies and toddlers and “hopefully” have somewhat predictable finances for them as it relates to housing, diapers, clothing, food, toys…then the teenage years: more expensive clothing, braces, constant changing tech toys, possibly therapy, meds, attorney’s fees. It goes on.

I realize that everyone is different when it comes to their threshold level for tolerance and the unexpected events children can bring. They bring so much joy, but they also bring many challenges. It varies depending on personalities, income that en

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19. PLASTIC PLEASURES

My dad just left our house after visiting for the afternoon. Quite frankly, I don't know what to think...I used to think he had good taste, Well....at least as far as clothing goes.

What started as his very traditional home with tasteful furnishings, has slowly been transformed into a two story, butter-mint, green dwelling that looks like it stepped out from the pages of a Hans Christian Anderson book...The Hansel & Gretel House with San Juan/Carribean & American Folk/ Country themes throughout; mixed with Victorian touches, possibly Asian and Safari.

I have to take a Tylenol ( I'm valium free - Woo Hoo!!, I think) just to walk into the house to subdue the headache I will incur from all of the blinding neon painted furniture and contrasting fabrics. Not to mention all of the ever-changing, cheap clutter that makes its way into the house on a daily basis, by means of a catalog and 800 number.

Every surface that could possibly be painted by hand, is. The once nice dining room furniture has been painted with pearlized ivory paint, then an accent of mint pearl paint and something that looks like freehand Chinese symbols.

Since Dad flies quite a bit, and his current wife spends most of her time with her family in Puerto Rico, he gets lonely. Dad loves dogs but does not want the responsibility of one since he's frequently out of town, and would not want to have to board a pet...and he's not much of a cat person. He tried lovebirds for a year or so, but they continued to squawk and bite him; so he's trying to pawn them off on his family and friends with the same speech he was given to take them.

Now, I think he may be losing it, as he just took us out to his mini-van to show us his latest infomercial purchase; A ten-gallon sea aquarium with realistic looking plastic, tropical fish. Not that realistic, but evidently - enough for him. He was clearly so pleased with his purchase, that he was anxious to get home and assemble his new aquarium. He then showed us the jug of distilled water that the directions informed him that he needed for his new, fake little friends.

Wow, distilled water? Do these fake fish thrive better in distilled water as opposed to tap water?

We were speechless. Uncomfortably so. Even the kids didn't know how to react. They all looked at me with raised eyebrows. Finally, I asked him, "So Dad, Ughhh, are you planning on naming these fish?"

Yikes...I hope he doesn't get too attached.

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20. Take on Irritable Days....

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook today and I don't think she will mind if I post this.

She wrote: "...is having one of those days where the average person/stranger I'm crossing paths with in public irritates the crap out of me. Question...is it them or me?"

My response:
Without question - it's them! On days like this, my "Irritable Day Mantra": You're not out there to make anymore friends. Take nothing personally and it's ok to have that jumbo size glass of wine at 4:58 pm. Weekends don't apply.

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21. Funny Farm Stand Up Act - Fall of 2007

The following is my (one and only) comedy stand up act (Monologue for Atlanta Job Zone Contest) performed at the Atlanta Funny Farm in 9/07. This had to be edited to less than 4 minutes. Writing it and delivering it are ALL TOGETHER different....

Hi! My name is Libby Rouleau and I am here to tell you about my first job experience.

But first I need to tell you a little bit about how I grew up for you to understand.

My parents divorced when I was twelve… and both are remarried (Dad, more than once… and OH dad is a retired F.B.I. agent and pilot. / That’s really a separate story altogether… Not quite Jerry Springer caliber, but close. / Then again, since I don’t watch Jerry Springer, a stepmother or two from my past, may have already appeared on the show …

Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a GREAT guy. He just lacked some crucial judgment skills when we were younger…That would include some time management skills too – Such as…Quality weekend time with your young daughters should not overlap with your undercover drug busts.

And just from experience, it’s probably NOT a good idea to read from “Helter Skelter” about the Charles Manson Family massacres to your 8 year old daughter as a bed time story. (Pause)
L o nn gg term effects….

Anyway…So that’s a little background..

Thanks to the yellow pages, my first job out of college was working for an adoption agency as a counselor to expectant mothers. YEA…That lasted only a few weeks.

Actually,/ I was fired. I honestly don’t know why they hired me to begin with.
I had no experience dealing with pregnancy other than at the age of 12, watching my hamster that I had for only a week, give birth to seven baby hamsters…She ate one of them and my Dad dropped another.

So realistically, my only experience for this counselor position was that I had had sex before, while trying to AVOID pregnancy, had suffered from bad cramps, and watched a rodent mother eat her young…that’s about as close as I could get to relating to what these young, pregnant women were going through.

Twenty-one years old equipped with only a bachelors degree, bad hamster care, and excruciating cramps and the agency sent me off to Chicago the day after Christmas for several weeks of training.

How in the world am I supposed to “counsel” these young women? Assure them they are making a good decision…Just get a puppy. Taking care of a baby is way outside the parameters of daily dog care… After all, dogs don’t talk back, can’t use weapons, or do drugs, and if they get another dog pregnant, you’re not responsible for the next 18 years of your life. Simple SEE? / Let’s talk birth control.

My first case meeting was with an 18 yr. old pregnant girl old at a McDonalds on Chicago’s south west side. She was due to give birth any day, and with her were her, two small daughters; each from different fathers.
Oh, and mom’s gang-related. “What? Yea…Nice homemade tattoos.
No, I don’t want one. They look really good on you though.”

“So, what colors should I not be wearing in this hood right now? Hummm… Freezing verses drive by shooting?

Okay, I’ll lose the coat and shirt… So-- it’s snowing, only 18 degrees outside with a wind-chill factor of -14

Questions I need to ask at the next Staff Meeting:
Do I need, as my dad would say, “to pack heat” for this job?…Do I need to get a gun permit or a gang code handbook? Can we go over my benefits, as in Life Insurance? (build) employee protection plan as in a body guard …maybe relocation if necessary as in Des Moines?

Their reason for letting me go? … They didn’t like questions.
ANY QUESTIONS! That led to inflexibility.

“So,

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22. The Shadow of the 42nd Birthday....

Well, it's my first time to blog on my own site.

It's 2 days after my 42nd birthday and I think I am finally back to what is likely my natural haircolor- a very dull shade of brown. I haven't known the actual color in about 20 years. Hey, no gray! I am shocked! After what these three kids, my husband and this neurotic schnauzer have put me through? It's amazing I'm sane enough to even notice.

I need to make a note to myself to schedule a hearing test. We were just driving by some property with horses; it's raining out and my nine year old daughter, Anna, was expressing concern about the horses getting wet. From the backseat ( of course ), she asked me a question and it sounded like, "Mom, did Pop-Pop (my dad) grow up in a barn?

WHAT? yikes....I know I mentioned he came from modest means and earned a football scholorship to the University of Vermont without a Meal account, etc. But BARN?

What she actually asked: Did Pop-Pop grow up near a "FARM"?

Oh...yes, N.J... near farms. Don't hit that curb, Libby. I could never live down hitting our neighbor's horse. Get eyes checked too.

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23. PLASTIC PLEASURES

My dad just left our house after visiting for the afternoon. Quite frankly, I don't know what to think...I used to think he had good taste, Well....at least as far as clothing goes.

What started as his very traditional home with tasteful furnishings, has slowly been transformed into a two story, butter-mint, green dwelling that looks like it stepped out from the pages of a Hans Christian Anderson book...The Hansel & Gretel House with San Juan/Carribean & American Folk/ Country themes throughout; mixed with Victorian touches, possibly Asian and Safari.

I have to take a Tylenol ( I'm valium free - Woo Hoo!!, I think) just to walk into the house to subdue the headache I will incur from all of the blinding neon painted furniture and contrasting fabrics. Not to mention all of the ever-changing, cheap clutter that makes its way into the house on a daily basis, by means of a catalog and 800 number.

Every surface that could possibly be painted by hand, is. The once nice dining room furniture has been painted with pearlized ivory paint, then an accent of mint pearl paint and something that looks like freehand Chinese symbols.

Since Dad flies quite a bit, and his current wife spends most of her time with her family in Puerto Rico, he gets lonely. Dad loves dogs but does not want the responsibility of one since he's frequently out of town, and would not want to have to board a pet...and he's not much of a cat person. He tried lovebirds for a year or so, but they continued to squawk and bite him; so he's trying to pawn them off on his family and friends with the same speech he was given to take them.

Now, I think he may be losing it, as he just took us out to his mini-van to show us his latest infomercial purchase; A ten-gallon sea aquarium with realistic looking plastic, tropical fish. Not that realistic, but evidently - enough for him. He was clearly so pleased with his purchase, that he was anxious to get home and assemble his new aquarium. He then showed us the jug of distilled water that the directions informed him that he needed for his new, fake little friends.

Wow, distilled water? Do these fake fish thrive better in distilled water as opposed to tap water?

We were speechless. Uncomfortably so. Even the kids didn't know how to react. They all looked at me with raised eyebrows. Finally, I asked him, "So Dad, Ughhh, are you planning on naming these fish?"

Yikes...I hope he doesn't get too attached.



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24. Take on Irritable Days....

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook today and I don't think she will mind if I post this.

She wrote: "...is having one of those days where the average person/stranger I'm crossing paths with in public irritates the crap out of me. Question...is it them or me?"

My response:
Without question - it's them! On days like this, my "Irritable Day Mantra": You're not out there to make anymore friends. Take nothing personally and it's ok to have that jumbo size glass of wine at 4:58 pm. Weekends don't apply.



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25. Funny Farm Stand Up Act - Fall of 2007

The following is my (one and only) comedy stand up act (Monologue for Atlanta Job Zone Contest) performed at the Atlanta Funny Farm in 9/07. This had to be edited to less than 4 minutes. Writing it and delivering it are ALL TOGETHER different....

Hi! My name is Libby Rouleau and I am here to tell you about my first job experience.

But first I need to tell you a little bit about how I grew up for you to understand.

My parents divorced when I was twelve… and both are remarried (Dad, more than once… and OH dad is a retired F.B.I. agent and pilot. / That’s really a separate story altogether… Not quite Jerry Springer caliber, but close. / Then again, since I don’t watch Jerry Springer, a stepmother or two from my past, may have already appeared on the show …

Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a GREAT guy. He just lacked some crucial judgment skills when we were younger…That would include some time management skills too – Such as…Quality weekend time with your young daughters should not overlap with your undercover drug busts.

And just from experience, it’s probably NOT a good idea to read from “Helter Skelter” about the Charles Manson Family massacres to your 8 year old daughter as a bed time story. (Pause)
L o nn gg term effects….

Anyway…So that’s a little background..

Thanks to the yellow pages, my first job out of college was working for an adoption agency as a counselor to expectant mothers. YEA…That lasted only a few weeks.

Actually,/ I was fired. I honestly don’t know why they hired me to begin with.
I had no experience dealing with pregnancy other than at the age of 12, watching my hamster that I had for only a week, give birth to seven baby hamsters…She ate one of them and my Dad dropped another.

So realistically, my only experience for this counselor position was that I had had sex before, while trying to AVOID pregnancy, had suffered from bad cramps, and watched a rodent mother eat her young…that’s about as close as I could get to relating to what these young, pregnant women were going through.

Twenty-one years old equipped with only a bachelors degree, bad hamster care, and excruciating cramps and the agency sent me off to Chicago the day after Christmas for several weeks of training.

How in the world am I supposed to “counsel” these young women? Assure them they are making a good decision…Just get a puppy. Taking care of a baby is way outside the parameters of daily dog care… After all, dogs don’t talk back, can’t use weapons, or do drugs, and if they get another dog pregnant, you’re not responsible for the next 18 years of your life. Simple SEE? / Let’s talk birth control.

My first case meeting was with an 18 yr. old pregnant girl old at a McDonalds on Chicago’s south west side. She was due to give birth any day, and with her were her, two small daughters; each from different fathers.
Oh, and mom’s gang-related. “What? Yea…Nice homemade tattoos.
No, I don’t want one. They look really good on you though.”

“So, what colors should I not be wearing in this hood right now? Hummm… Freezing verses drive by shooting?

Okay, I’ll lose the coat and shirt… So-- it’s snowing, only 18 degrees outside with a wind-chill factor of -14

Questions I need to ask at the next Staff Meeting:
Do I need, as my dad would say, “to pack heat” for this job?…Do I need to get a gun permit or a gang code handbook? Can we go over my benefits, as in Life Insurance? (build) employee protection plan as in a body guard …maybe relocation if necessary as in Des Moines?

Their reason for letting me go? … They didn’t like quest

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