It reminds me a lot of being an extra in movies. Except the "pay" of a ticket is worth way more fun than I used to get paid!

Observations; pink tights, green bag, electronics, tennis balls, relaxed, carefree, friendly, a city in motion around them, tolerant, patient, peaceful, satisfied.

I don't want tickets to anything that bad, at least not now. Maybe years ago.

Oh to be young and so determined.
Now...it's doze through the news, wake up for, "Live from NY" and damn, I always fall asleep during Seth's update.

Hurrah for the latest book! I've been recently recommending his others to my friends. Looking forward to reading this one soon.

"Best thus far"? That's a big claim given how good the last two were. Looking forward to it! :)

It might be pointed out that none of those books would exist were it not for a particular Sharkly Agent. And too Juliet and Bronwen.

Thank you all, Ladies!

I had never heard of an "erasure" poem until I read GATSBY SUMMER NIGHT. I like the idea; it reminds me of Janet's title-poem contest. So using the first page of "The Pericles Commission" -- I have Gary's first two books in my to-read stack -- I 'wrote' an erasure poem.

Here's the poem:
A dead man at my feet
lay facedown in the dirt
shot through the heart.
The body was warm to my touch
his wound, slippery and wet
I heard the footsteps of someone coming
perhaps the killer
I stepped backward to take cover

OOHHHHHHHH, Kitty!!!!! LOVE this!!!

J

Kitty, you just made my day.

Would it be okay with you if I copied this to my web site and credited you in a blog post? I'd love my blog readers to see it.

Be my guest!

Done. You're now as famous as it's possible to be on my web site. Thanks Kitty.

"Some time ago Fabulous Gary Corby mentioned a crime that was solved by a shark."

Would it be safe to say the book is an example of biting satire?

Michael, that would be hard to swallow.

A nice testament for biographies, and also for libraries! :)

Is it faster to do the online copyright filing versus the paper copyright filing?

Before I send in my manuscript I am making sure that I am knowledgeable about the publishing industry. There are so many resources out there (they're free at your local library).

One doesn't actually need a publisher to register copyright. The copyright office permits registration of unpublished work (and requires only one copy of the typescript, assuming it's a book, in that case).

But Ms. Reid's larger point stands.

ray, even finling online you need to print out the registration form and mail with the books.

Steve, true, you can. But honest to god, why?

Doesn't it also protect you if someone else tries to pretend they wrote your book/song/script, and you get into a who-is-the-originator-of-this-work dispute? The copyright would prove a date, which would be earlier than anything the plagiarist could show, so no one else could claim credit for your work. Is this correct?

(Hmmmm, "finling" online ... something only sharks can do, right?)

PS I don't mean I think an agent would try that - but isn't it a good idea to have some sort of prior protection if you're showing it to beta readers and for-hire editors (where we wouldn't necessarily know the honest ones from the predators). From this lowly end, one can't always tell who's who.

Bonnie, I would think that's where research helps - if I was going to hire someone to go over my manuscript before querying then personally I'd want to find some good feedback about them from others who'd used their services, and I'd definitely be looking at things like the Preditors & Editors sites online. If I had any doubts about someone, I wouldn't be sending them my work.

Here's the bottom line: NOBODY IS GOING TO STEAL YOUR BOOK. If it's published and popular, piracy might become an issue, but plagiarism of unpublished work is rare enough that I doubt anyone could come up with an example (there are plenty of cases of plagiarism of published work, but that's a whole other can of beans).

As a lawyer who just got out of 6 years of intellectual property litigation (yes, I won, but it was exhausting), here are a few points.

1. The copyright registration is not concrete proof of anything. It can be rebutted by diligent evidence. It just sets the line in the sand. I beat the other side over the head with their own certificates.

2. The registration is not magic. It allows you to seek statutory damages and legal fees rather than having to prove actual damages. Without a registration, you can still recoup lost profits from a pirate.

3. Copyright and plagiarism, while connected, are not the same thing.

4. It has been said over and over again, nobody is going to steal your book. As one editor said, "there are way better books to steal from than yours." If you truly think a beta reader is going to run off with your idea, you have all sorts of time-stamped files in your computer.

5. If you insist on filing a registration, it is flawed the minute you make the first edit to your golden words. It only covers the exact words you filed with. How many times will that draft change in the 6 - 12 months you are waiting for the copyright cert?

6. If you self-pub, then file the registration. Otherwise, wait until the publishing house does it. Any questions, talk to your agent, your editor, or a lawyer.

Terri

It's not just books where this happens. I've seen it in game development too. People refuse to talk about their plot and characters in fear that someone could steal it.

I can only point at what Don said and expand it to NOBODY IS GOING TO STEAL YOUR PLOT. Especially not if you proudly proclaim it to be your first.

What do you do in the case of a self-pubbed book that you released, for example, May 1st and then the print book comes out with Createspace three months later. You have to send the print copy somewhere? I never heard the copyright required a print copy. I would want my copyright to show May 1st. Amazon would show that. The book has the year only.This makes the $35 pricetag a lot higher, too.

Ah...I would be flattered if someone liked my novel enough to want to claim it as their own,hell with the rejections I've gotten,and no requests for a full, I don't want to claim it.

I'm with Don...and ellipsis... because, anyone who is writing/has written their own book, thinks theirs is better than yours anyway. Right??

Nancy, I'm sorry, I'm not well-versed on the requirements for self-publishing or e-only publishing. My knowledge is limited to trade publishing.

Terri, that was a great review and wrap up! Thank you!!!

I'm not copyrighting anything. I figure if someone steals my work and passes it off as their own, Janet might finally be tempted to read one of my manuscripts.

I mean, just because the entire industry has singled me out to suffer in obscurity doesn't mean my words should be doomed to the same fate.

In fact, to anyone willing to plagiarize a complete manuscript of mine, I offer the first two five star reviews (from me and mom).

The ebook/print copy question intrigued me, so I went hunting. Generally, when you file online, you attach an electronic copy of the book.

Here are the acceptable file types:

http://www.copyright.gov/eco/help-file-types.html

You want to send it in the format you are publishing it, with the cover, end papers, etc., not just the text.

The wonderous Circular 7d on page 2 deals with the mandatory deposit with Library of Congress with respect to online-only ebooks.

http://www.copyright.gov/circs/circ07d.pdf

However, for deposit at the Library of Congress, when there has been multiple editions (in this case print and ebook) you should send the "best edition." For more info on what constitutes the "best edition." check out handy dandy Circular 7b:

http://www.copyright.gov/circs/circ07b.pdf

However, notice that the text must be the same. If you did significant edits (beyond very basic SPAG), it is a separate version and must be copyrighted separately. You have 3 months to supply the hard copies.

I love the Copyright circulars, if you have the question, they have the answer.

New stuff is easy. The law is clearcut. It gets stickier with assigning copyrights on older works. As in, grandpa wrote a book back in the 1940s that enjoyed some success and someone wants to buy the rights and put it back in print. Well, if grandpa or his heirs didn't do their work correctly, it may have fallen into the public domain. A lawyer friend asked me for a consult and that was exactly what had happened. The wrong form was filed back in the day and while the newly written forward was protected, the text was in the wind. I found a first edition of grandpa's book online. I could have purchased it, scanned it, and put it on a webpage and the family couldn't have stopped me.

That can't happen these days, so relax.

Terri

Before anyone poo-poohs plagiarism, there are some famous writers who are guilty of just that.

Having said that, I wouldn't judge a writer too harshly for adding a copyright number to their manuscript when they contact an agent. I would sooner think the writer was naive and wouldn't take it as an insult.

While I'd trust a lit agent, I don't think I'd trust anyone else. Writer says HBO's 'Carnivale' copied his idea

Are you still going to do updates on Query Shark?

yes. The Shark has been quiet of late, I know. Busy gnawing on her clients!

But we can still snail mail you queries as long as there's glitter in the envelope, right?

9/31? Did September get another day?

Maggie, well it should. It's a very nice well-behaved month. It should get bonus days instead of that stupid March with all that snow and blowy wind.

(Thanks for pointing out...fixed!)

Joelle, that sound outside your door is flying monkeys. No, really.

Enjoy your time off from us sucker-fish.

I wanna know 1. who brought a BROOM to this party and 2. Why the mace is on a yo-yo string instead of either the thumb-guage chain or louisville slugger club where it could do some good?

NotA,
That's MY broom. The mob stole it so I couldn't flee. That's not a mace, it's a cutting thingie, last seen in Octopussy starring Maude whatsis and Roger Moore. (Don't judge me for actually having seen that movie more than once ok??)

You saw I finished a new book, and that was it, huh? Three months in hiding. Don't worry, I wouldn't have sent it to you, anyway. You terrify me! OK, all joking aside, we all know how hard you work and we all know everyone needs time to come up with new strategies in this changing marketplace. Enjoy the vacation. You will be missed. Unless you keep blogging. In which case you won't be missed, because you'll be here. Queriers and "fictional authors" (heh heh) will miss you

"fictional authors" --them, I won't miss. The rest of all y'all...yup.

I hope you'll still be blogging, even if it has nothing to do with publishing. You're a fun read.

Well, it's also important to note that you cannot, from a legal sense, copy your personal address book into your new fancy mailing service.

I like to think that this is one of those rare instances where the gov't ineptitude is actually saving us from bulk email.

So, what you're saying is that mass emailing "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!" and an attached file of the Toby Keith song along with your sales states is a bad call, right?

:-P

i dunno Josin, I kinda like Toby Keith.

Thank you for the post regarding email lists. (I hope it goes through this time because I've tried three times now and Blogger keeps picking up a client's account) I work with authors for websites and marketing, through http://authors.barjd.com. When there is an opportunity for readers to continue contact with the authors, the forms are connected to either Aweber.com or MailChimp.com. Both require an opt-in confirmation before the reader is added to any list. We still plan to email only news because there can be too much, coming close to spam. We know how spam feels due to the spammy commenters on the websites. Fortunately I keep moderation in place on them.

Valerie Haight recommended your blog at a Facebook group, Writers Harbor. mr. Haight and several FB commenters are personally acquainted with you.

Thank you again. I like the way you think and will enjoy reading your blog.

JudyAnn Lorenz, Mansfield, MO

Well...actually...ah, I don’t know how to say this without watching you splash around in shallow water looking for limbs, but well, I’ll just warn you now because when my book gets published I AM SENDING YOU AN EMAIL. And, because you will spam me I will not only send you a signed copy of the book but also a can of Spam...so there, you son-of-a-shark.
Hey, calm down, don’t get your fins all uppity with me Missy. Why wouldn’t I want to share my success with the big fish who taught me how to swim in this very scary sea?
Wry

Wry, there's a HUGE difference between "Dear Shark for Brains, thanks for your help" and "Dear Friends, Family and Everyone in My Address book" emails.

I get the first kind sometimes and they always warms my cold dark heart. I don't mark those emails as spam. I code them as "authors to buy."

Thank you for your great post. This blog is great

publishing books

I'm always astounded by some of the behavior I read about when it comes to writers/authors. Someone ought to put together a book on etiquette, i.e. the do's and don'ts with agents, editors and publishers, titled "Don't Be An Idget; How To Act Like A Mature Adult In The Publishing World."

The best dos-&-don'ts manual out there is Janet's "Annoy Me" posts. Read them and quake.

Yes Bonnie, that was a subliminal hint...to Janet. She could write the book for sure and all she'd have to do is take those posts, maybe add in a few "Rants" and "Suck It Up" sections = Best Seller IMHO. :>)

Actually think 'Annoy Me' would be a great title...

It would be a brilliant title. I love the idea of a Suck It Up chapter too -

Okay Janet, the beach ball is in your corner.
When is YOU'RE A WRITER YOU ANNOY ME going to be published in book form.

Well, I'd have to find an agent and of course I've heard that's really hard; you have to know people; you have to already be published; and it's really better to self-publish first. I'm sooooo confused.

IF YOU’RE A WRITER, YOU ANNOY ME
A how-to book, about swimming with the big fish.
By
Janet Reid

Ms. Reid’s debut ‘you annoy me’ manual on how not to act like the much-maligned anchovy, while seeking fame and fortune via the tidal-page, is a must Reid.

Fathom One - “Find an agent”, they live in silt and are real beaches.

Fathom Two - Know people, always be formally introduced to your next meal.

Fathom Three - No need to be published, you have a week named after you.

Fathom Four - Self-Publish versus traditional. Sharks are solitary creatures self-gratification has its place.

Fathom Five - You think you’re soooo confused...think about us krill.

Fathom Six – If it’s all about the platform than why are you lurking under it?

I wouldn't imagine a busy agent has time to read my book. I'd guess you'd be too busy with your own clients.
And it does seem a bit like the "how do you like me now!" crap.

Well, that was fun. I'd buy ANNOY ME; And Other Things Writers Shouldn't Do.

(I took liberties with the title)

Good morning Janet,
I'd like to tag along with another question about credentials. My published work is all academic stuff and I never wrote a novel before the one I'm querying. How specific should I be about those publications?
Thank you!

Hi drw! I'm in your same boat. The way I put it was "I'm an academic. I have published articles with colons in the titles, in journals read by about seventeen people. But really SMART people."

I think the description of the actual plot of the book in that query was more important than listing pubs; if an agent is interested enough in your novel to want more, she will google-stalk you eventually and find those gems of academic death-prose all by herownself.

I remember a statement from QueryShark, about academic writing being the opposite of creative writing in terms of style. So I don't think that academic writing is that important for a creative writing query, since being good at one doesn't indicate anything about the other.

NotAWarriorPrincess wins the Internet today with the first paragraph of her comment. I, too, have written for that audience of 17, and dang it, at least two of them liked it!

Terri

Terry, maybe we have two readers in common? :)
Well, somebody told me that if you've published in academic journals you must know about editors and about respecting deadlines. so adding those credits could be a point in your favor.
I'm still not sure...

First, these questions and answers are helpful.

I do have a followup. I've not had luck double-spacing emails. When querying, I've included my writing samples with the same formatting as the email, single-spaced, no indent with a space between paragraphs.

Could this be a strike against me when agents are reviewing my query? Should I stop doing it this way?

Thanks!

I belong to an online writers' group where we only submit via email - no attachments. So clean text is very important.

First, copy and paste your 3 to 5 pages into a new Word document. Then alter the format per the submission guidelines - some want double spacing, no indents, some want single spaced paragraphs with an extra line in between each one, etc.

Then google "Jonathan Hedley convert word to text." The link you should look for will include "jhy.io/tools/convert-word-to-plain-text" (I figured links might be blocked here!)

You'll see two boxes. Copy and paste your 3-5 pages into the top box. Hit the "clean" button. Your original text will be stripped of all formatting and will appear as plain text in the bottom box. Copy and paste that version into your email.

I don't know this man, but he created this and offers it free to use. He deserves a huge gold star!

May I offer a suggestion to Windows users? If you don't want to re-type your pages into the e-mail, but you want to be sure copy-and-paste doesn't pick up unwanted formatting from Word (or whatever you're using), copy-and-paste to Notepad first. Perhaps to be double-sure, save your text in Notepad as a .txt file. Then make any changes you need to in terms of double spacing, removing indents, etc. Then copy-and-paste from Notepad into the e-mail.

That usually does the trick for me.

Eric, you're sending a Big Block o'Text that is close to impossible to read.

This comment has been removed by the author.

Forgive the typing...working from a mobile and don't have my readers on! :-D

Ugh! I didn't mean to delete the prior comment. I was trying to tell you thanks for addressing my question so quickly. You rock!

When I query, I send a 'test' email to myself first. The copy/pasted pages (some agents want to see the first THREE chapters with query) seem to transfer appropriately--albeit minus headers and page numbers.

Are you saying that format doesn't correlate to what an agent receives in her inbox? Well, crap.

Thanks for the advice on Notepad and the conversion website. I'm sure there is an agent somewhere who thanks you, as well.

-T

TD, Try sending the email to someone else, preferably with a different email platform as well. You'd be surprised what you might find.

So it would be safest to send plain text. What about umlauts and other special characters?

What a laid back crew, she's to be commended on her training. (The bully and the cat's licking made me nervous, though, like it could all be one second away from mayhem.)

That's the blog title of the week!

Where's the duck's shark costume?

It's not fair that the cat and the dog got wear a shark costume. Equal rights for ducks.

Have to tell you my cat came running when he heard the vacuum noise! He watched the whole thing with me! Thanks for the laugh.

How in the world did you get the cat to stay on? My cat runs as soon as I take the vac from the closet. Too cute.

I saw the title and thought you would be reviewing really bad queries.

Saw this on GMA and I knew, I mean I really knew, it would end up in your pond.
Hahaha, it is about the most dumb-ass awesome thing I have ever seen and it...made...my...day.
Thank you oh great finder of sharkish things.

Cats around the world have just voted that cat off the island. I mean, you can expect that kind of behaviour from a dog, but a cat?

I'm really glad you were on fine vaulting form that day, Janet. Stephanie's books are so good! :)

Ha, contests love‘em.

I have entered the WD prompt contest a bazillion times. Gave one of my awesome entries to my daughter to read, to get her opinion, she’s smart and was going for her second Master’s Degree in something-or-other. Actually I was showing off, wanted my kid to know what a brilliant (and humble) fiction writer I am. She loved the story and asked if she could enter the contest.
She had never entered before, never even written fiction.
“Go for it”, I said. She didn’t have a chance. I was hoping my winning entry wouldn’t upset her and make her feel her talent was in any way inferior to mine.
Out of almost 1000 entries, she came in second. I have never been happier for anyone else in my entire life. I don’t even remember who won; all I know is...it wasn’t me. I never entered the contest again. She hasn’t either. She has not written a single word of fiction since.
Me? I'm still querying my women's fiction. Go figure.

Shark vaulting...I got a visual of an Orca flying out of the air to grab a little seal. Yikes.

The Malice Domestic contest sounds great, but is specific to the traditional mystery genre.

"Awww...dalmations only."

If it's a contest for unpublishrd mss, does the agent (if she wants it) then wait to see if it wins before shopping it around - ? - because if someone buys it in the meantime, it will no longer be unpublished (???) and would therefore be disqualified from the competition. In which case, shouldn't one wait before querying until they know the results?

I should also think that a contest winner or runner-up would be an extra attraction to publishers so it's worth waiting for that reason too. But do agents DO "waiting"?


How does that work?

I deleted my post above because it wasn't very clear (typing one-handed on an iPad in the dark when you're supposed to be sleeping didn't help either). But it's something I've been wondering about with regard to querying and contests which accept unpublished manuscripts, so I'm trying again.

If you've submitted a ms. to such a competition, and you then query an agent with that same project before the results are known, and the agent takes it on, would she then wait to see if it wins (which would give her added bargaining clout)? Janet says to keep querying, but what happens with regard to the contest? If a publisher buys the book in the meantime, presumably it's then no longer "unpublished" so it could get disqualified (which could mean losing out on a chance of a decent cash prize as well as prestige).

How does the "wait and see" factor sit with regard to agents? Or does it? Do they ever hang on until competition results are announced before trying to market a novel?

It's good to hear there is at least one situation where a debut novelist has a better chance than someone else. The way I've heard it, "we" (debut novelists)are the proverbial snowballs in hell when it comes to getting published.

Donna, that thinking comes from wrong vantage point. It's hard to get published, yes indeed. BUT it's MUCH harder to STAY published than it is to get published. This might be a good blog post come to think of it.

Regarding your comment to Donna, "...BUT it's MUCH harder to STAY published than it is to get published."
I get it.
Losing over 90 lbs. was easy, keeping it off has been a bitch.

Not meaning to demean today’s question at the Emporium.
The impact of being pitched as a ‘debut’ in fiction, (at my age being debuted in anything is a plus), is as exciting as my sexual ‘debut’; I lost my virginity to a boy named Danny in the stockroom of a marine supply store, so pardon that this comment is off-subject.
The Question Emporium:
Where is it and do you serve tea and biscuits? I’m a coffee and donut kind of girl. Every establishment I have frequented, which has Emporium in the title sells jewelry, shark teeth necklaces are a specialty. They offer gifts and trinkets along with exotic items like hemp bracelets and Lilac soda. Usually new-age music is playing and the sales clerks wear long skirts with tiny bells sewed on their hems, and that’s just the guys. Emporiums I have known reek of patchouli, the incense choice of the day, and the floors squeak...old buildings. Customers weave down the aisles discussing global warming and the benefits of breast feeding. So Janet is that what your office is like? I mean really imagining your question emporium as a huge shark tank just doesn’t compute.

Yes, Janet--I think that would be an excellent blog post. It's easy for those of us aspiring to be published to believe that once our first book hits the shelves, that's it--we've made it. It's a bit of a scary thought, that it's harder to stay published than get published. I, for one, would love for you to elaborate on this.

Do you think it's detrimental to self-publish and then attempt to get a traditional publisher for the next book if the first one hasn't done anything? Would I still be considered a "debut" novelist at this point, having one book under my belt, even though I put it out there myself and have yet to do any serious marketing/selling?

So would I!

Rats, cross-posted! My comment related to Colin's message.

I'd love to hear your perspective on getting published and staying published. What little I know (from my trusty sources - ha!) is that a two book contract means the publisher really expects to make back their money on the second book...in most cases. And if they don't, out comes the chopping block.

What is this staying published business? Like are you talking about being able to continue publishing books once you've been published, or that the book that you have put out keeps on selling? Or am I completely off subject? I'm confused. Someone please explain this to me.

Glad you're back, missed ya a lot.
See...I spelled a lot correctly.

Missed you much and I got busted rearranging books at the flea market. I told them it was all your fault.

So, to expand on the question, what is a typical print run for a debut novel? Or is typical a hilarious choice of words?

Terri

Good to have you back, Janet. Interesting question, indeed. One I've always wondered about, too.

Teri, there is no typical print run.

Good to see you're back.

This is... interesting. I didn't know it worked like this.

Welcome back...!

So happy you're back.

This is wonderful. Sparse, and strangely lyrical.

Very, very cool.

I (Robot)
Love (Story)
These (Happy Golden Years).

Terri

HARPO SPEAKS...ABOUT NEW YORK (Harpo Marx)
ELLINGTON BOULEVARD (Adam Langer)
THE BEST PLACE TO BE (Lesley Dormen)

~~~

CONFESSIONS OF A FORMER CHILD: A THERAPIST'S MEMOIR (Daniel Tomasulo)
I REMEMBER NOTHING (Nora Ephron)

This is like poetry!

It makes me want to go into my home library and start rearranging books.

(Which I did... You can make an entire story from just Grisham titles)

The Client: The Innocent Man,Calico Joe
The Firm: The Litigators
The Summons
The Confession
The Runaway Jury
The Appeal
The Chamber

Completely off topic, but I thought you would appreciate this: http://i.imgur.com/ZwLtozI.gif As you squee with pleasure, just try to remember me when my query eventually gets to you.

Just curious... Is it me or has Janet been gone a long'ish time now, with no new posts...?

Donna (and anyone else wondering), been down with the galloping crud for a while. Doing the on-fire, must-do stuff only. Back soon! Thanks for noticing!

:))

I figured something was up...I'm sorry you've been sick. Looking forward to you coming back...when you feel better!

Nasty, that galloping crud. But thanks for letting us know. Checked every day and was starting to worry.

Ms Reid,

*sigh of relief*

There's a lot of curative properties in wood cured alcohols.

GBS

I'm glad I wasn't the only one checking in and wondering/worrying. I hope you feel better soon, Janet!

I'd send cupcakes, but saw on Twitter that even chocolate doesn't sound good right now. Feel better soon!

Terri

PS: In my off time between your posts, I've been rearranging the books at a local flea market.

I've been checking every single day and hoping Janet was not going to pull a Jessica or a Betsy on us.

Donna, so glad you mentioned something. I was going to to but frankly, as I have told Janet before, she scares the shit out of me.
Feel better soon, we miss your bubbling salt water mouth full of very sharp teeth self.

This is so interesting. Now I want to go play with all my books. :)

huzzahhhhhhh :)

Way to go, BPo!!!

woww ... This is the real picture? ..
I imagine being in it ..


Greetings from far away Indonesia.
asked permission to follow you ...
If you have time, please visit my blog and follow course .. .. thank you.

Hooray for you, B2!!!!!!!!!

Way to go, Ms. Slither!

Still have NO idea how that nickname applies. She's the flat-out kindest person I've met on the e-webs.)

Smart women rock.

This makes me smile.

I've had this on pre-order at Amazon since January. What can I say? I'm a fan! :D

Having chosen to do a classics degree based on enjoying stories set in ancient Greece & Rome, I think I should check this series out :) It sounds like fun!

They make me smile too!

Seriously, that's some beautiful artwork.

Why don't i have a copy?

I have one, non-related question

How come Query Shark entry #242 shons only a blank page?

Was it an April Fool's Joke?

It shows for me. You might try refreshing your browser, or pasting in this link: http://queryshark.blogspot.com/2013/03/242.html



If anyone else has problems, let me know, ON THE QUERYSHARK blog of course.

I did not understand the picture, but the query is concise, to the point, and does not waste your time with a lot of yaddayadda about plot and character.

Does that mean the picture is a "yes, send the whole MS?"

One question: Is the dog female? (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

No questions. I completely get the pimp slap. That query is an epic fail on multiple levels. Except for thanking you for your time.

Nope, no questions. Only a *snort* of laughter.

I think TITLE is a funny name for a book, don't you ?

You did NOT really send just that, did you?

Hilarious!

Though I am mildly curious as to what a romantic political satire might look like. (MILDLY.)

I almost just peed because I laughed so hard. Thank you.

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Can't. Stop. Laughing. Best blog post of the day.

I say you realized the joke when you read the "Adobe PDF" line.

I figure you'd have tossed this query when you got to the red type and italics.

Chris

"Your name and agency came up"

I'd say you were around..."A lot more agents and agencies were discarded..."

It was a good April Fool's joke thought.

Civil War?

"been there, saw,it, done it" was where I reread it skeptically.

but I'm a little guarded today as my daughter is plotting revenge for this morning's April fools day fire alarm.

c'est la vie.

What no salutation? I would of tossed it immediately thinkink it was spam.

"Heuristic?" I know you're smarter than me in a sharkily sort of way, but I had to stop reading right there to look that one up in the dictionary.

Since you get a lot of whacko queries, I don't think you would have realized the spoof immediately unless the "from" address was from someone you knew.

I'm thinking you would have read nearly to the end because even sharks can't help looking at a train wreck. Maybe you were considering how to use this query in the blog as a "don't do this" warning. Then, sometime around the Adobe PDF comment, you remembered the date-- d'oh! And then thought, "Hey, I can still use it for the blog!"

If you started work today expecting some kind of April Fool's prank from someone at sometime, then I would say you spotted this one within the first paragraph. If, however, today was just another Monday morning, then I'd say somewhere around "universally accepted Adobe PDF file," or maybe not until "Faun Pischerke" (this book is on Amazon, so I'm assuming you recognized the name).

I'd say you probably read all the way to the end - just due to the sheer audacity of such a query, while scheming of sharkie ways to spit this back out like poison chum.

Monday after a holiday weekend even with coffee...I will guess at the words "stringent selection requirements"!

After some of the real-life examples you've posted here, I totally thought the whole thing was real.

I must be incredibly gullible because I didn't realize it until Faun Pischerke, but I'm sure you're much savvier than I am.

When the red letters started. The whole sentence before's just too mindboggling to be true.

I agree with Cat. I figured it at "A lot more agents and agencies were discarded..."

Although it would've been so much better if it said "Alot".

No idea how long it took you to realize, but please send me that manuscript immediately.

Considering some of the horrible query letters I've seen agents cringe at, I'd say you actually got through the whole thing and went on to five more queries before you said, "Hey, wait a sec..."

I'm going to say "Preambe." I bought it all the way up to your comment at the end, though.

Normally I'd say "heuristic" clued you in. But you DID try to launder a lightbulb today, so I'm not sure the coffee has permeated every cell of your brain yet, after your forty-day abstinence, so maybe you made it all the way to "Outstanding ethics."

I'd say you read the whole thing (minus attachments) because you were so shocked--and strangely fascinated--at how blatantly this author broke the rules of querying.

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The book is self-published on Amazon. Is it really an April Fool's joke?

Each clanger on its own happens all the time (ditto the dodgy grammar). It's when you start to notice that this query is a perfect compendium of all the things the Shark repeatedly says/commands/scolds/shouts/sobs/pleads/begs/whimpers brokenly NOT to do that it sinks in. It's the cumulative effect that did it for me, even before I got to the giveaway name at the end.

So, what did it for you? Hmmmmm... lessee... the promise of a quick turnaround? Or maybe "now" being the time to publish a story about the Civil War? The author using only the odd numbers in the list?

Have to admit, though, I kinda like the "Darwinian tale of survival of the meanest, where assets become liabilities" bit.

You ARE going to tell us. Aren't you?

Waaahhhh Janet this isn't fair... I have work to do...

Crap! DeadlyAccurate's right. This was not an April Fool's joke.

How the author wrote her acknowledgement is very telling of the kind of person she is:

"Additionally, I am infinitely indebted to the myriads of petty souls (the list is too long to be included here) who by choosing to treat me as their enemy and adversary, reasons and motives regardless, have strengthened my resolve, fortitude and survival skills. If one’s personality can be measured by the amount of their enemies, then no doubt I am a great person. I am especially grateful to those few managers, under whose command I have had the dubious pleasure to work on different occasions. With their narrow-mindedness and obsequious kowtowing the party line not only have they liberated me once and forever of all illusions regarding corporate loyalty and career stability, but have also provided me with invaluable insights on the corporate pseudo-culture in America."

I figure it hit you when you realized there was no number 2,4, and 6. I do like "survival of the meanest".

It's received exactly one review. 4 stars. Guess who wrote it?

4.0 out of 5 stars Superbly written book! October 28, 2012
By Faun Pischerke
This is a truly amazing book whose unexpected twists and turns make you wonder how human life is intertwined with that of others. The book offers a total immersion in an environment, hitherto unknown to the Western reader and unique perspective on facts and phenomena that have been hidden under layers of communist propaganda. The author has managed to provide enough detail for a historical backdrop to reveal the often convoluted fates of his characters.

[me again] If you don't feel like forking out $19.75 you can go to Google Books and check out the writing for yourself (sorry for the long URL).

http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=PY3u9jClby4C&pg=PP5&lpg=PP5&dq=Additionally,+I+am+infinitely+indebted+to+the+myriads+of+petty+souls&source=bl&ots=sabSEVxvIW&sig=ZaP5pZiOnuDW_2M8vvXcvCXTw04&hl=en&sa=X&ei=zctaUbr0B4iThgftgYHICw&sqi=2&ved=0CC0Q6AEwAA

No thanks, Bonnie. I read the first page.

Author bashing aside (yes, I'm very much talking to me), I think it's sad Ms. Pischerke got in her own way. I love stark realism and stories told from the perspective of people in other countries. But the over-descriptive language and the ego gets in the way of what could have been a compelling read. People who truly have something important to say learn how to reach their audience, and that takes humility and studying craft. But to be in love with one's message to the point of arrogance alienates the very people the author is trying to reach. In all honesty, I feel sorry for her.

I, too, looked at it on Amazon. It's about the cold war in Bulgaria, not the American Civil war, so this query is even more off the mark than I thought.

And the author is male (according to the author bio).

Janet, you might want to take this post down, since it appears to have been a genuine query.

I really thought the whole thing was an April Fool's joke as the query seems to do everything you say not to.

As usual I am a day late and a bag of pennies short so what is it, real or memorex?

My theory: someone who knows Janet and knows what Janet hates in a query (*coughfabulosity?cough*) did an Amazon search for a book that simply SANG of querysins and wrote it into an April Fools joke just for her. Otherwise, oi, we all owe Mr (?) Pischerke some strangely awkward apologies. For the correct things, of course....

it never would have occurred to me until the name, but that probably speaks to both my gullibility and low expectations of people in general...

Hmmm... the Princess could be right. I wonder what he'll say if he ever sees this page? And I STILL wanna know how far Janet got before she sniffed it out!

I seriously love Steve's books. I'm forever grateful to Meredith for introducing me to Purgatory Chasm. I can't wait to read the new one!

My husband introduced me to Joe Ely's music when we met 17 years ago, back in the olden days when people made mix tapes for their girlfriends. Several of his songs are forever linked to those tapes in my mind now.

Both of us can't wait for the next Conway! There will be fighting over the kindle. No there won't. I always get to read first. :)

Have to agree with both Joyce and Laura. Steve's writing touches a deep place in my soul. It's as if he's brave enough to reveal something the rest of us keep hidden.

As a lucky duck early reader of Shotgun Lullaby I can say this:

a) You will love it. The most intense look at the conundrum that is Conway Sax to date.

b) Why yes, there are shotguns.

c) Steve throws in a bit of humor about himself that his friends and close fans will immediately pick up on.

d) In typical Steve fashion, if you are absolutely positive you know who did it, then you are wrong.

e) You will love it. So, just go order it right now.

And chatter on FB has it that the first draft of Conway4 is in the can. *kermit flail*

Terri

What about an email address which is a commonly used nickname? My pen name is Robert C Roman, but my email is bob.roman@gmail.com. Close enough, or no cigar?

You make me laugh out loud!

Thanks for bringing funny to the journey.

Awww. God bless the stupid.

Maybe those are people who take a peek at Query Shark and don't think about what they see enough.

Somewhere I saw the suggestion of doing it this way:

Real, legal name
(Wrting as psuedonym)
contact info
email address

Is that okay?

My email address is my psuedonym, but I put both names in my closing as Gru'ud suggested.

Is that okay?

It's email and ebay and other net idiocy. I sell online. Here is a typical message I receive:

"where's my stuff"

To which I have to reply, "Hi, in order to give a status on your order I need your name. Including your full name with every note speeds up response time. Thank you: (me)"

Response:

"My name is on my payment."

It is not unheard of to need 3 - 5 emails to pry someone's name out of them. One lady said, "I have three accounts with three different names and I don't remember which one I used." My reply, "well, give me your real name and address." The final reply, "Oh, I never give my real name. Where's my stuff."

Behold the power of the interwebz. :P

Terri

@ Terri...

Regarding "I have three accounts with three different names and I don't remember which one I used" I would say, "Oh yeah, I remember now. I sent it to John Smith, 123 Main Street, Anytown USA. That's you, right?"

^^ FTW ^^

Beautiful..., in a strange way. An epitaph on a wheelbarrow? I'm intrigued.

This is amazing, and I will carry it through my day. Thank you!

Thank you. I pinned this.

Now I want to make a tableau of cold sweet plums (but their significance is that they don't exist any more).

So beautiful. A lovely springtime image now that the snow is (finally) vanishing.

Thanks, Janet.

Dumbass award for the day...goes to...me! For some reason I came back to this and realize (now) it's a poem and the name/date are the poet and when he lived. And all here were kind enough NOT to point out my faux pas. (slinks away, face red as wheelbarrow)

What about writers who use their pen name for their email address? Example: masteroftheuniverse (at) domain (dot) com and it's signed:

Susan Smith
AKA Master of the Universe

Wait, that wasn't you I met at Sea World?

I have a similar situation as Lanette, except that my address is basically my MC's name.

I've had the address for quite a long time, and it’s relatively spam free, so I plan to continue using it, but I do wonder if I should make a pen name related one for any submissions? (If it’s even available)

With two of these posts in the last few days, I feel as if you’re pointing at me. o.0

People really try 4? Really?

This is so strange someone would do that, wasting precious time its almost like sending a query to an agent that does not represent genre.

But when I was kayaking in Belize, I'm absolutely positive I saw you swimming underneath me.

I have an agent and I no longer write queries, but I still love coming here for the snark:)

Lanette, As long as you don't mind getting emails addressed to Dear Master, you're probably ok. I strongly (STRONGLY) recc having the name you want me to call you in our working relationship be close to your email address.

Gru'ud, yes that odd feeling between your shoulder blades is me measuring you for a chomp. (tasty!)

I STRONGLY urge you not to have your character's name as your email.

Get a fresh gmail account that's YOUR name, and don't use it for anything but querying (thus keeping it spam free).

You're not your character. Really.

Carla, I was kinda upset you failed to invite me for drinks after the kayaking. The ocean is salty with my tears.

Elissa, that's my mother in law. She's a bit slower now than in her youth and got nabbed by the SeaWorld folks. Of course, it helped that I duct taped a GPS unit to her fin, and gave them her frequency.

The exception that pops into my mind is Ursula K. Le Guin, who writes all sorts of genres BUT crime (though who knows, by now she probably has something in that too; it's still before ten pm on the West coast...) She is Ursula K Le Guin, though, and I have a feeling if I looked in the mirror and saw someone who wasn't Ursula Le Guin looking back at me, I shouldn't try to spread out as far as she's been able to. She's also pushing 90, and has been publishing like a crazy woman since about 1950, so it's not like she's trying to break through. How many writers are there that are as versatile as that? Stephen King, maybe? Years ago I might have said Scott Card, but he's been milking the Ender cow for so long I don't know if he does anything but one WORLD any more. Now I have something to obsess about all night!

A questions about this--what about the genres that blend together mainly dystopia/sci fi/fantasy/horror? These are so similar that I wonder if some authors can write all of them well or have elements cross over from each genre that they write.

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I think javed just tried to query you for a non-fic financial book. I think you should take it straight to QueryShark for a tune-up.

Just wanted to wish you a blessed Easter and to say I like the new paint and wallpaper on the blog.

Terri

Thanks Terri!
Those spammers get through sometimes cause I only have comment mod turned on for older posts.

NotAWarriorPrincess (ButATerrificWriter),

I don't know what Mrs. LeGuin's submission strategy was but I think she wrote only SF for a while at the start.

My comments are intended for writers at the start of their career not people like Stephen King, or Ursula LeGuin who are established masters.

So if I write widely across children's fiction - Picture books, short stories, historical, contemporary, mystery, thriller YA - would this be of concern to an agent?

That all makes so much sense. Of course, now I'm in a real quandary about which way to go. Life's never straightforward, is it?

Thank you for the time you take helping out we newbies trying to break into this crazy world of publishing. You give us all so much to think about.

Peace and blessings.

Noooooo! I clicked the poppin link. Now I want to color-coordinate my entire office. At least it's reasonably priced... :/

Me too. I'm torn between raspberry and orange.

I'll pay you 20 bucks if you DON'T show this to my wife.

Evil, EVIL Shark! This is crack for me. I...Will...Not...I...Will...Not...I...Will...

...

...

Not?

argh...

Groovy, baby.

Just when I was doing so well with with office supply sobriety. Foiled again. By a Shark.

We call Staples "Toys R Us For Writers"

I'm moving soon. I will be painting the wood trim to match my favorite desk. Priorities, I have them.

Terri

Anybody on a trip to the UK needs go in Paperchase (paperchase.co.uk). It's thanks to them I have a blue glitter Virgin Mary statue/money box on my desk.

Thank god I'm not the only one.

Now if only I could pass on groceries and eat only office supplies instead...

Nom nom nom.

Your work is protected without the notice [...]

I wish this would pop up whenever someone tried to type the words "copyright me, please don't steal" in a context where it's that bloody obvious.

As for (2), while it sounds like a good idea at the time (I admit it, I did that before when talking to friends about a story), but unfortunately, books just don't work like movies.

(3) And not to mention the young adults who read adult targeted novels.

This makes me think of the people who tweet during pitch contests on Twitter something about, "Nope, I'm not giving my ideas away for free!"

Saying your book is intended for adults makes it sound like porn.

I don't know, Janet. I copyright all my tweets, FB and blog posts, emails, the words I speak out loud, and even my own thoughts. One can never be too safe. You may not realize this, but the government has guns We need to protect ourselves. (You can quote me on that, but it will cost you.)

I think comparing novels to movies is gaining popularity because it was suggested to me on a web forum last year. I struggled and struggled to find the right comp titles until I realized I didn't HAVE to add them to my query as long as I had the right genre listed and I explained my book well enough.

So, I think you will probably see more of that because until now, I never heard anyone suggest otherwise with comparing a book manuscript to a movie.

It may even be encouraged given some of the book pitches I've seen, like Barry Lyga's I HUNT KILLERS was pitched as a "YA Dexter." Now, I don't know whose mouth those words came out of, but I saw the label more than once. I was even inspired by an agent noting they hoped to find a YA Mad Men. I've seen an agent mention YA Downton Abbey. Those are all TV shows obviously, but I sense the trend is similar.

Haha I agree with Ron. I do think there is a better way of saying it contains thematic/sexual content, such as STEAMY ROMANCE NOVEL or THINGS GET A LITTLE HEATED or, just say it has mature content. ;)

Heck, just use 50 Shades of Grey as a comp title and then everyone will understand what you're trying to get across. ;D

Comparing books to movies is very easy, but a little insulting. Not that screen writers aren't fantastic. But let's be honest...making somebody FEEL something with just black and white words on a page, no music, no special effects, no visuals...that's ART. ;D haha Just kidding!!!

@ Rob. Exactly right, lol.

As far as using movies as comp titles for books, I think this started with "The Writer's Journey." While written originally for screenwriters, it's been picked up by novelists as a great source for how to write a story.

Worse, almost every book or class on plotting is now doing the same thing. I am taking another class now, and, while the instructor uses Jaws, The Help, The Hunger Games, and The African Queen as examples, it's clear she's always referring to the movies, not the books. I want to scream!

(Sorry about the tardiness of the comment, but, while I can read blogs from work, I can't really post to them.)