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Sensitive folks overload easily. The cause is not because we are delicate or weak. We are just wired to pick up all the layers of information at once. This means we pick up the subtle nuances most miss, like the sound of the doves singing outside the window, or that a friend is cranky even though she hasn’t said or showed any indication. On the flip side of this is we can take in all that information and fry our brains and emotions when it gets way too much (picture the heads exploding like in that old horror movie, Scanners. Yup, not a pretty picture and of course, not literal.) You can be pretty sure a sensitive has gone into overload when they show signs of shutdown which include a blank look, anxiety/nervousness, spaced-out feeling, or signs of insecurity. Symptoms look different in each sensitive. And what every sensitive wants is to be understood and known. So non-sensitives, LEARN THESE. And sensitives, share this list with your non-sensitives.
This warning label (“do not push”) should come with every sensitive born into this world. Pushing does not motivate a sensitive. It forces the automatic shut down valve to go off. Pushing only speeds up the “take in-sort through-digest” process making overwhelm happen faster because there’s no time to digest. It also just really pisses us off.
2. Load a ton of responsibility on our shoulders, be sure to not acknowledge or appreciate what we are already doing, and then add more.
That one speaks for itself, but I must say, as a tribe, sensitive folk are usually over-responsible and will take on a great deal as it is.
3. Increase sensory input.
Add very loud music we can’t control, or let in a swarm of flies in the room that can’t be caught. I am a tolerant person but when my neighbor plays country music on full throttle until 2 a.m., I’m going to get a little out of balance.
4. Expect a day of constant stimulation out of us.
Start the day early by taking us out for the day shopping, then stop at a crowded restaurant, go sight-seeing, and then dancing all night with a ton of noise and people. Just see what happens. Observe. Be sure to not include any breaks or alone time.
5. Add any illness to the day and then introduce either 1/, 2/, or 3/. Heck, even 4/.
Add llness or even a woman’s “time of the month,” and we are down for the count. Then all the sensory input and noise just swoops right in because our thin walls are way down. It’s a little like having the radio on several channels at once.
6. Add a crowd.
I still write about the Willie Nelson concert I went to that had a line wrapped around the casino to get into, then I was surrounded by a huge stadium-filled crowd screaming. Thank goodness it was outside because a crowd packed into a room with no walls? Oh fun.
7. Increase time pressure.
This one goes along with the “pushing” category. Sensitive folk like to flow in the zone moving to their own rhythms. We are great with deadlines but we need to control how we get there. I watch Project Runway and each episode when the designers get closer to presenting their creations, we can feel their tension through the screen. Let us control our rhythm.
8. Layer on the emotional sad stories.
We can sometimes overload from reading the Facebook feed of sad stories everyone is feeling. We feel compassion when our friends are going through rough times. Our hearts can jump out of our chests and MERGE. Our empathy is our superpower and it can be unbalanced at times when it’s multiplied.
9. Give us too much change at once.
We like our change in smaller steps; a little like slowly entering the pool rather then diving right in. We get in there, it just takes a little longer.
10. Add too many little technical things that don’t work.
I am sure this one matches everyone not just sensitive folk. Have a day where the bank screws up your account, or your computer doesn’t respond, or there’s a glitch in Photoshop and you lost all your data, and we will get rather testy. THEN add any two from the above list and we frazzle up quite good.
So, be kind to a sensitive today. Understand what creates overload and what makes life work swimmingly well for your sensitive friend. And for goodness sake, never ever say, “You need to toughen up instead!” That’s like being short and being told to be tall! Say that and you will see a different kind of overload.
First off, I hoped you enjoyed Animal Communication Month and I want to thank all my fabulous guests who talked of their passion regarding animal communication. Each are wonderful women who have some very important teachings to share.
It’s been a crazy last few months, and quite honestly, I’ve been hesitant to share my thoughts here as I had felt my space was invaded. That’s a yucky place to be in and I am claiming it back. And with this claiming, I want to share what I’ve learned lately. Perhaps, you can relate, and then we can all support each other.
1. Other people’s shit is their shit. Okay, this one is hard to deal with. When someone acts a certain way, I guarantee it’s their own story going round and round in their head that may have nothing to do with you at all. With one of my relatives, I had this amazing shift when I realized I had a long-standing reaction taking things personally, which HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. It WAS my shit of why I took it personally. When I realized what my shit was, after a lot of learning and figuring things out, I gained some understanding and some real peace, and I didn’t react so strongly. I was able to detach, step back and see this. So, basically, we react to others when it’s really our own shit. Unless, of course, someone is just being a shit towards us, then we are reacting to that.
2. There’s many ways to climb a mountain. That means if you are sensitive and hate crowds, don’t think the only way to go out and teach is to lecture to large groups, and it’s the only way for you to be successful. If you hate doing networking luncheons, then network one-on-one through social media that’s more comfortable for you. I had a beautiful writer friend years ago who wrote children’s books. She was truly gifted with words. But the one thing that stopped her in her tracks of being truly successful was she didn’t want to do book signings. She was dreadfully shy and this was the kiss of death for her. Because of this, she didn’t pursue publishing her own children’s books to avoid that fate.
I had a similar experience when I starred in a television show years ago. I knew then I wanted to write and publish a book. I was told, that’s not how it works. “You have to BE somebody first.” I am a stubborn mule. That was too big a mountain to climb. I published my book anyway and I’m glad I did.
3. We need to ask ourselves are my actions or behaviors giving me what I want? If I want connection, healing, resolve, love, understanding, is how I am acting bringing that about or is it bringing others further away from me? If you don’t feel heard, kindly ask someone to listen. If you are angry, let it out in a healthy way. If you need answers, go do some research and ask questions. Cruel/nasty/mean/angry result = cruel/nasty/mean/angry. Hate feeds hate. It’s a lose-lose situation, always. I’ll never forget my Verizon phone company interaction. The first customer service rep was nasty towards me, so I got nasty. The second rep heard and understood me; validating my feelings. I softened and the interaction changed. There was a healthy resolve.
4. I think we all just want to be loved and to love. Love and connection is what it is all about. A world without real, honest connection is one scary, dark, lonely place. Dogs are the greatest teacher of love. It’s hard to not feel loved when a giant puppy is licking your face. Now unconditional love is their majors in life and they have so much to teach us. It’s harder as humans a great deal of time to love like that but we are learning. And we also do need to look at what unconditional love is. It’s not allowing cruelty, especially towards ourselves.
5. As sensitive people, a great deal of us didn’t learn this. We didn’t know how to create boundaries. We felt we weren’t allowed to. But this is a big one. And you can leave situations that don’t feel safe and people who don’t hear you, or at least create boundaries around those. Lots of times folks write me here asking about spirits that bother them or scary situations, and it’s the same with living people. I used to walk the girls pass one house on my street with two dogs that had no fence. The one dog was a loving, loopy kind of being who in her enthusiasm knocked over elderly Sarah. I didn’t appreciate that nor did Sarah. The other dog, a puppy, was aggressive. She’d zip into the street and bare teeth at Emma. After two times of this, I had a long scream at the dog, which I’m sure the whole neighborhood heard. “No! Unacceptable!” I told her. And the puppy ran back into her house. I then had a long talk with her person. We have a right not to be bullied in our environment. My one friend has a very sweet angel group online. She’s a gentle, kind creature whose whole purpose in life is to help others. She was recently attacked cruelly on her own site by a man who didn’t believe in what she did. He clearly needed to go somewhere else then, where he belonged, but she had every right to block him from that group. And if you are in an environment that doesn’t keep you safe, doesn’t respect the rights or well-being of its members, get out of that environment. It won’t change.
Sometimes, we do need to fight a good fight and keep going. We may be fighting an injustice or we don’t want to give up on our talents, and shouldn’t. But there are other times we are straining, trying, putting out a lot of energy, and it means we are going against the current made for us. We aren’t getting enough support either to help us or to back what we are doing. This causes such a strong fatigue that fills your bones. Believe me, I know. Those are the times to step back and regroup. Follow what does give you energy and where there is support. That’s your bread crumbs for the new direction. Oh, and learn from me. Drowning in resentment over lack of support, really, really doesn’t work. Don’t get stuck there.
Can you relate to these? What have you been learning?
*apologies to those who don’t appreciate cursing or the word “shit,” as I am originally from Jersey and we all learn that word while learning how to drive and that word is perfect for what I am describing
And speaking of support, if this writing post has helped you, consider buying my HELP I’M SENSITIVE book, or FAIRY ONLINE SCHOOL written classes. I am also busy completing the sequels to that book. Keep posted on developments, by SUBSCRIBING TO THIS SITE.
I haven’t blogged for awhile and I apologize, dear readers. I’ve been busy with Designing Fairy Cinema and writing my next book; not to mention adjusting to Giant Puppy’s needs. (Okay, I just mentioned it.) Actually, she’s been really good.
I wanted to write about overwhelm, which is one of the biggest issues sensitive folks encounter. I thought, why not write about the topic when I’m feeling the least overwhelmed? I’ve pretty much had gotten so used to that frantic state I miss the adrenaline rush. Back last year and half of this year I was dealing with taking care of an incontinent elderly beagle, Grad School classes, my business, and a part time job. I was stuck in the fast lane to get everything done and pretty much lived on sugar to keep my natural humming bird energy up. I loved the classes and I miss Sarah, but I’m starting to adjust to enjoy the calm, natural energy.
It’s easy to overwhelm when you are sensitive. We take in so much information at once at a deep level that it’s easy to tip that balance in the red. And if you are in a vulnerable space emotionally, it’s really easy to blow your fuse.
I remember a few years back going to an outdoor concert with a friend. I took one look at the huge crowded line in front of me and almost blew a gasket right there. My breathing quickened, and I forgot about my feet. The line was moving at a caterpillar pace to the ticket booth. We weren’t even in the stadium and I could feel panic rising. We made it in and there were lines of chairs on the lawn in front of the stage and bleachers everywhere. Thank goodness the stadium was outside otherwise I’d have felt trapped.
I asked my friend if we could sit in an aisle so I wasn’t sandwiched in and he didn’t understand and ignored my request. I needed some air and psychic space around me. More and more people took the seats surrounding us. I couldn’t breathe. What made things worse, was the performer wasn’t on time! So the waiting went on and on with me stuck like a sardine. This was too many damn people! All this energy around me. I could feel hopes, dreams, thoughts, issues. Yeah, sure I put up some protection, visualized a couple bubbles. But that was a lot of people. I could even shame myself for not being able to stand firm against all these energies. Yeah, that’s realistic.
Once the concert finally started I was in better shape. Focusing on something fun really blocks out the noise. I sang, I tried to dance in my chair, but I still felt boxed in.
And then even my friend started to crowd me. My friend wanted to go in the casino afterwards. Hey, why not? Let’s see if Ronni can blow a fuse in public and explode in little pieces all over the flashing little light machines. Thank goodness for my body. I got a migraine that tried to push out all those visiting energies. I had to go home. I tried to explain, but I wasn’t being heard, so I stormed out.
Is there something wrong with me for not enjoying that? Shouldn’t I toughen up? Heck no! Part of being deliciously sensitive, is knowing yourself. If you were allergic to peanuts, would you scream and tell yourself that you needed to toughen up? No! You’d frickin’ avoid those peanuts at all costs. If I were put into that situation again, I’d do a few self care things:
Overload happens not just in crowded situations. I can feel crowded by other people. If I have a lot of demands coming at me, I will try to please everyone around me, make them happy, do a good job, and then I can overload on that pushing energy. I will take on way more than I should.
I remember teaching book illustrating with a fellow artist at a Montessori school. The kids were so lovely, creative and open-eyed. I fell in love with them. But those teacher hours are slightly insane. There was rarely a break away from the energies of these kids who each individually demanded a great deal of attention, which I was trying to give. I hadn’t learned at that point how to know my limits and regulate my energy. I would come home at the end of the day either bursting into tears or having signs of physical overwhelm.
Now keep in mind, being sensitive doesn’t mean I can’t handle a lot or am “delicate.” That’s super important to point out. Honey, I’m stronger than most people I know. Ask my closest friends. The amount of stuff I can handle emotionally far outweighs my physical sensitivity.
There’s nothing wrong with us. No, we shouldn’t be living in bubbles. We are what we are. We’ve got that fine-tuned nervous system brilliant for some things (and amazing gifts that come with that sensitivity, that you will notice the non-sensitive flock to for answers) but it just comes with some special care instructions.
A little note about upcoming classes. I will only be offering the core classes this November. The Empath Skills class now comes with a little yummy twist (a mini reading). Check out and sign up for it here. If you want to be informed about the upcoming books in the Sensitive series, do subscribe to this site (sign-up found in the right sidebar).
December is a wrap-up time. It’s a time of looking at the year you’ve just gone through and sizing up and determining which way to go next. How do you do that with all the choices and opportunities? It can be overwhelming. As someone who is very empathic, I have a built-in radar system that I often curse at and ignore, which, I should be making friends with.
What’s this radar, you ask?
How I feel, especially in my body.
Now I can be slow in the intake, but the situation is improving. The time between getting upset/having an emotional or physical reaction and figuring out that I am upset has shortened. Gone is the time when I’d feel horrible for several days, even weeks, and not know why, because I am now finally noticing with the help of this tool which I will now share with you.
I was faced with a decision over the weekend when an opportunity presented itself. It sounded good and glossy and enticing, but the rest of the day THE MOOD hit. Now, sometimes THE MOOD is one of those empathic “picking up someone else’s shit and I’m carrying around not realizing it is not mine and yet I’m feeling it” kind of moods. I tuned in, and asked this time around, and got a NO from my body that this wasn’t the case.
I explored THE MOOD. I am not a big time fan of this time of year, so there was a little of that melancholy thrown in that I acknowledged. Having experienced many losses this year, I knew that grief was lingering around and was part of what I was feeling. A good cry was needed which I indulged in by watching a sappy movie, but THE MOOD persisted. What was going on?!
A big thank you to my good friends who helped me realize that I was considering go down the wrong way by possibly accepting the opportunity I was presented with. My body was letting me know that opportunity was not aligned with me! It was the wrong fit. Yes, logical mind had a ton of reasons why this choice was a good one. I’d get out of my comfort zone, tackle doing things I wasn’t good at but could be good at. I’d meet new people, and the choice would eventually lead to the direction I wanted to go, maybe. Logical mind is very good at molding me and squooshing me into boxes. But I am a soul that likes to break out of boxes. Body, on the other hand, has a direct line to my inner, empathic radar. It just reacts and lets me know: “Ronni, what the f(*%K are you doing, Girl?” Unlike logical mind, the body knows the simple answers to these questions: will this choice really make me happy? Is this a JOYFUL choice for me? Is it right for me?
We have all had experiences in our lives where we made a choice from logical mind because it looked really good on paper. How did those work out for you? Looking back, I haven’t had one that did.
Thank God and my body for THE MOOD that day. It quickly went away when I acknowledged I was compromising and heading in the wrong direction. (Another good clue). Further insight, and I realized that choice actually would have had me going backwards, not forward. (And that was a really good insight).
So look at your ‘symptoms’ differently today. That stomach ache you keep getting around a certain relative? Don’t curse it, understand what it’s saying. That persistant cold you have every Monday morning you have to go to work? Listen. When THE MOOD hits, don’t berate yourself for being too emotional. And when we bitch and complain we have no guidance and are abandoned, look again in your own backyard! Literally, your own backyard. Your body as your backyard? Get it? Oh, never mind. Just pay attention.
Oh, and incidentally, sometimes the body is saying YES to something that seems totally crazy and illogical, but is a fabulous great decision or the right road to pursue. I felt that way adopting my newest dog family member and going back to school. I’m so glad I listened.
Be sure to check out my book Help! I’m Sensitive and new book on animal communication, Speak Woof and Meow. And for further tips and tools for being sensitive, sign up for the January session of the EMPATH SKILLS ONLINE CLASS. And one more, keep your eyes on the lookout for my new book, YOUR TURTLE SHELL.
Today’s word is FUSSY. My clothes feel constricting, lights are too bright, and things can’t be fast enough today.
As empaths and sensitives, we know we are very affected by the energies surrounding us. We know when the air is too cold, or someone’s mood has just hit fiery before he realizes it, or when the overall mood theme for the day on Facebook is FRANTIC. Like little caterpillars we feel out the environment with our exposed feelers.
So if we have a full moon happening, and especially a lunar eclipse, do we feel the effects of that energy?
Years and years ago, there was a lunar eclipse followed by a solar eclipse, and my body went haywire. I was releasing a ton and have all kinds of weird symptoms, but was it the planetary action or what I was experiencing in my life at the time?
As women, our bodies are tuned into the moon through our cycles. And many who are not longer experiencing cycles still feel the effect of the moon. If the moon is more feminine then both male and female can relate when it is speaking, right?
I looked to the experts for my answers. The astrologers talk of this upcoming lunar eclipse and the many changes that will affect us.
Magical Recipes Online talks about the Druid Willow Moon. That name in itself sounds so imaginative and magical!
My friend Julia talks about the astrological overall themes we are feeling right now during this moon phase.
Several metaphysical astrology sites talk of huge emotional impacts this lunar eclipse will have. Hmmmmmm.
As sensitives and empaths, we can swing past the research and go right to how we feel in this moment. I know when there is a full moon I do have a hard time sleeping, partly because the moon is shining so brightly into my window, and being so sensitive, I can feel it. I like a dark room when I sleep.
Perhaps we are picking up all the beliefs about the moon, and that collective unconscious is affecting what we think, influencing our thoughts. Regardless, I am fussy. I am restless. And I have this overwhelming urge to dance under the moonlight, ditch these restrictive clothes, and howl. Please don’t tell my neighbors. Now I have an excuse for my craziness. I have Lunar Lunacy. ;)
I was guided this weekend to head over to my local Goodwill shop. Now this wasn’t twisting my arm, because I LOVE that store treasure-hunting. Their book selections are hit or miss and I was grateful I landed on a day that was a HIT. Apparently, someone who is into psychic communication and other forms of healing cleaned out their bookshelf. I found several books that would assist me in what I want to teach right now including color healing and a few books on boundary setting, which is perfect for those that are sensitive.
The book on boundaries, Boundaries with Relationships by Charles T. Whitfield, has some excellent tools, but perusing through it, I noticed I didn’t feel as excited as I did when I was reading the color healing books. Was the info bringing up too much upset? I could feel a ton of anger rise from inside of me from the many times I allowed others to trample or ignore my boundaries. I also felt a little slimed; even negative. What was happening?
I slept on it. No, literally. Woke up this morning and the book was under my butt, as well as my glasses that looked a little mushed out of place. Perhaps I was integrating the material more. But I also had a new awareness of why I felt uncomfortable. Many self help books are designed to package a set of tools. There are some good ones out there that present them well. After reading this one, I felt labeled, “bad,” (and there were plenty of examples given of what is good and what is bad). Crap, everyone has acted the bad part. Talk about unattainable.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some excellent parts of the book also, but the slimey feeling was what I wanted to look at.
Guidance this morning was very clear: Focus on the solution and you feel empowered. Focus on the problem, and you are stuck IN the problem.
I see this when folks post videos or comments about what is happening that is wrong on this planet, whether genetically-altered food or bad politics. Hearing that news is like hearing about a case of animal abuse. I am left feeling upset, angry, and helpless against the problem. Helpless = slimed.
I like books and teaching that do not keep me stuck in a label, but helps me get out of that hole into a new role. I’m really digging Julia Cameron’s book, Prosperous Heart right now. I concluded that she teaches like how I want to, by story, and then by supplying a tool to help you empower yourself or shift your thinking. In her exercises, I focus on what I want and I feel hopeful and excited, versus what is not working. I don’t look at lack of abundance, but about what I want to create and the small doable steps. It is important to go back to the past for answers and beliefs that don’t work for you, but I sure don’t want to stay there. Reading her book, I am not labeled BAD because I SHOULD have more if I was just doing the SECRET right. I think I had the same reaction to that line of thinking while reading the Boundaries book. There are enormous amounts of labels, time periods for how long it would take for when I was ‘better,” and most everyone I know are moving very fast right now in their healing beyond any so-called timetables. No one heals when they are stuck under a label, especially when they stay in their pain.
Perhaps it is my upbringing that is the button being pressed here. We were raised with psychology night and day. My father is a psychologist, my mother was a social worker. We were punished or admonished by psychological terms and labels. I would have preferred just being yelled at. Either way, what it produced in me at the time was a sense of dis-empowering; it was just another way to feel shame. I suppose it has the same effect as different educational programs that “weed” out people so only the strong can survive. I went to one design program that set impossible expectations and deadlines and gave out ample criticism. I walked aAdd a Comment
Frustrated? Nerves on edge? Feeling a little nutty? You are not alone. There is an evil plot to slowly drive us crazy through objects and inventions that were released into society.
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It’s not that I’m too sensitive, I just have an excellent radar of what gives me energy and what takes it away. The problem is I need to listen to that radar as the built-in gift that it is!
My Radar showed me this week the 10 things that send me backwards into a radio dial of YUCK vs. YAY while on the Internet.
Okay, now that you are annoyed and bothered with me, let’s go for the opposite.
I get distracted easily. As a sensitive person, I tend to get swept away with the tide around me and lose focus. As a creative person, I can get have way too many ideas and want to do them TODAY.
I wrote about this in my book, but I had this lesson reinforced the other day.
In Yogalates class, we bend our bodies into many balancing poses. There’s one pose that contorts my body into a tree, which I really like. I had one leg bent at the knee and my arms outstretched into my swaying leaves. I found myself checking on the other students to see how they were doing and sure enough, that was my downfall. I fell over. Poor tree. I got myself back into the pose and focused on the floor in front of me and centered on my own tree. I felt my branches reaching to the sky, my legs, um, trunk, strong. I could have stood there for hours! I felt like no wind or storm could knock me down!
After being a tree, my thoughts churned over how I often start my day with lots of goals and get lost. I get pulled by all the threads around me. The internet is the worst. I love my Facebook buddies, but I can get caught up into the loop for hours. Everything is so fast and there’s so much coming at me that is interesting. There goes my goals.
Knowing I have this tendency, I have to fight the pull to very shiny things. They distract me from my own gold. The answer is to re-center, however I can do this. Unfortunately, that means a little less time on Facebook and more time sitting in Nature so I can hear myself. It’s funny how Nature is filled with beauty and shininess but I am pushed more into myself then scattered. It must be the radio dial to CALM vs. Facebook’s dial to EXCITE.
Another tool I am finding that is helping me center and focus is setting goals. I’m reading a great book on receiving that I will probably share later. I like the goal setting idea because know that when I do center, I can be very focused and can easily accomplish what I want. Having goals, keeps the focus on what I want, rather than get pulled by everyone else’s wants.
If Nature isn’t doing the trick, I can always reach for flower essences to help give me that edge and extra support. I like SOAP TREE YUCCA for focusing, and Desert Willow helps me stand tall. SQUASH helps me be strong in sticking to what I need.
The biggest tool is knowing that I can get easily thrown off and to try and limit what I take in. Too much coming in will look like overwhelm in my system, and I will appear “flighty” and scattered when I am really just caught up in the tornado around me.
Be strong trees, Sensitives!
A little tip for the Sensitive today…I’ve spent most my morning organizing my messy files on the computer. I’ve got old lessons mixed in with new in their file folders, files not in the right folders and in strange places, and basically, a big visual mess. When I am super busy this is usually what happens. Last week was such a week for me and I can tell from just looking at my computer and at my living room. How did my hairbrush end up on my kitchen table?
With all this disorganization, it makes sense that I would feel totally unfocused and even ungrounded. So, I spent the morning rearranging my schedule to reestablish some needed order. I’ve been cursing a little looking at the sheer mess of it all and both my dog girls have exited the room about an hour ago. I am sure, though, once I am done, I will feel a lot more focused and calm. Are you in a similar situation? Need to get things more organized?
Back to work…
My folks are up visiting from New Jersey. My stepmother is a complete extrovert, and my Dad is a classic introvert. According to the Myers Briggs classification tests, an introvert is not the quiet and shy wallflower that you overlooked sitting in the back of the room, which is a popular misconception. How we navigate and process the world is classified by extrovert or introvert. Extroverts are recharged by being around more people or excitement and interaction. Introverts are recharged by quiet, alone time. They need time to digest what they’ve experienced and reconnect to themselves.
Classic example was after a long day visiting the local zoo, Out of Africa, my stepmother was ready to keep going. My Dad and I were cranky and ready to fall over. A little more stimulation and I would have overloaded for sure and my circuits would have fried. It’s not being “too sensitive” that does that, but the fact that I take in all kinds of information at once. A little goes a long way. I dive deep into the experience. Any more stimulation or input would be like adding more coffee to the filled coffee cup, spilling brown liquid everywhere over the table; there’s nowhere to go.
It’s not a right or wrong situation, although for years I’ve had to try to explain myself to extroverts who had no idea what was wrong with me when I pooped out early on long, interactive days, or needed alone space after experiencing a party of people. I definitely internalized that I was flawed or “wrong” until I discovered the classifications and felt deeply liberated! The world needs both. The big key here isn’t that we are like each other and change, but we respect each others’ needs.
And incidently, I understand the needs of both types. The last time I took the Myers Briggs test, I had an interesting revelation. My scores were smack down in the middle between Introvert and Extrovert! This would explain my continuous struggle for balance even within myself. I could see my need for people and interaction, but too much of that, and I usually got sick, anxious or headache-y, and desperately needed space. Not enough people interaction, I get lonely and moody. Add all that extra sensitivity, and I am thinking I lean more towards the Introvert side in terms of needs. Perhaps, you can relate.
Resources to check out:
The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D
My Care of the Sensitive class, of course
To this day, I can see my mom on her death bed — her frail, ill body and her turbaned head, sitting next to me as we chatted. And it was the memory that still stands out of that one vulnerable moment when I courageously told her, “I don’t want you to die.” In which she answered back very angrily, “Don’t say that. You’re upsetting me,” and the talking stopped. I never did get to discuss those feelings with her, which looking back, would have probably really eased my grief process that lasted a very long time, but she wasn’t able to. Instead, I felt shame that day for bringing up my feelings.
Whether it’s childhood beliefs, religious upbringing or acquired thoughts the “don’t feel thats” aren’t about you. You’ve hit a nerve with your expression of pain, that someone else doesn’t want to see or maybe isn’t ready to see.
Many “new age” beliefs tout only feeling positive thoughts to attract positive experiences, but where then, do the negative thoughts go? I know where they go.
I had learned the “don’t feel thats” early on in my life way before that day with my mom. It was safer not to feel, so a stomach or a head ache would have to express it for me instead. I was the queen of repression until I was fourteen years old and the wave of tears couldn’t be held back, erupting, when I saw my beagle dog brother collapse on the floor from kidney disease. But don’t worry, after that, I neatly put all those emotional ducks back in a row inside of me again and it wasn’t until early adulthood they reemerged as panic attacks. Those waves of ducks turned into full-blown hurricanes at that point who wanted freedom.
Now, I am not an advocate for getting stuck in emotional states and living there. My beloved grandmother loved to live in resentment. If you slighted her, you were crossed off her list for most of eternity. But from my own experience lately, I’ve noticed that traumatic experiences do have leftover symptoms. Those stubborn feelings can’t be neatly packed away, and they reemerge at odd times like a bad case of hiccups. Thought you were over that big loss but here you are standing in Aisle 3 in Walmart crying over the frozen pancakes because they remind you of family morning breakfasts that are now gone. These wounds are still in there like little annoying paper cuts that poke and prod and they hold messages of what you need now.
I’ll be honest, I still hate emotions. I’d rather hang out in my analytic brain where there’s set order. But if I want to feel good and balanced, I need to “FEEL THAT.” Those emotions and expression may come out as petty, selfish, messy, or socially incorrect, but that’s not my problem to solve, as long as I’m not hurting anyone else. They are MINE to experience and to get to know so I CAN get to the other side. The alternative is that panic attack or the stomach ache that grows into something much, much louder, which is very possible, what my mom experienced.
As a sensitive, I am sensitive to many things. It’s not that I’m a little delicate flower who can’t survive in the world, in fact, I’m quite strong. My body is fine-tuned and knows when something toxic shouldn’t be in there. For instance:
I used to think that there was something wrong with me. But what if there is something wrong with our world? Are we supposed to be all chemically enhanced and just be okay with it? Have we gotten so numb to our environment we don’t even react to what is toxic in it? And this applies to all aspects of our lives. Becoming more aware and awake is a good thing. Becoming more sensitive, then, is also.
The Lesson of the Ruby Slippers
If you are regular reader to Ronni’s Psychic Room, you may have noticed many changes in the last few months to my site. No, your eyes aren’t going loopy, you are simply experiencing the effects of a right-brain person trying to do left-brain marketing. (Noticable in the many changes to my blog header).
I’ve been trying to define myself and what I do for marketing purposes, but the more I tried to, the farther I got away from myself and home. The experience has been ultimately, more of the lesson of the ruby slippers. Remember dear Dorothy on a quest?
In my attempts to define and brand myself, for months I labeled myself one who helps the sensitive. Hmmm. I do! I love to teach tools on what has helped me as an empath to survive. But then, I did a few animal communication readings. Need to add that now. Then I did a few mediumship readings. Now what? Enter a marketing coach who said I am more of a psychic communication teacher. But I really like to write about spiritual lessons I’ve learned! More boxes around me. I’ve never liked boxes and I felt more and more limited. Afterall, what I do encompasses much more than that title and obviously, I did different kinds of psychic readings and I love to write about what I’ve learned.
When I had my Fairy Online School only, I was the fairy girl. Folks assumed I only talked to fairies. Another box. No, talking to fairies was PART of what I do as a teacher and an intuitive.
The more I went by marketing models, the more confused I got, and more boxed in I felt. I had to fit into a niche, right? Squeeze into a tight box. Conform to where I was pulled to. It got to the point where someone would ask me what I do and I just mumbled to myself! Now that’s bad marketing.
Then there’s the art and writing thing. So, I’m an artist too, but I thought, when I create my art with words, that’s usually what I’ve learned as an intuitive that I want to share through my art.
The fog finally cleared the other day with lots of help from invisible and visible friends. I found myself saying out loud what and who I am: I’m essentially a teacher. I love teaching what I’ve learned from my work as an intuitive and working with my spiritual companions and animals, whether it was the extensive work I did with the Fairies on healing with Nature, talking to my Guides/Angels about what would help me as an empath, or having more insight on my childhood from my departed Mom, or learning from Emma Lou, my basset hound, teaching me about joy. And, I like to teach others how to do this too. All this I do through writing an online lesson, an article or blog post, giving a workshop, making a Comfort Card, or helping someone one-on-one in a reading.
Marketing doesn’t have to be difficult. It’s really simple. No molding. No trying to be for the market. I had my ruby slippers on all along and had the answer, and therefore, could find my way back home. I just had to be me and find that common thread of what it is I offer and love to do.
So, if you want to learn how to communicate to your spiritual world or need help doing so, or want to learn from what I’ve experienced that might help you or your animals, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to my tribe.
And if you are a holistic healer or an intuitive offering services, or someone who simply does several things, what is your common thread throughout all that you love to do? That’s your definition or ruby slippers–the way back to you.
Where to buy them? Go to the Holiday store page.
As a sensitive empath, I can get overwhelmed psychically. I already take in so much information on a deep level every day. Too much chaos around me equals chaos inside of me. I easily take on a great deal that isn’t mine.*
As a creative, I always have 3000 ideas for projects running around in my head. That is a very cool thing if I was three people in one.
The big guidance I am getting is to create baby steps so I don’t overwhelm and freak myself out. Here’s an example.
It’s time to make big changes in my life health-wise. I am completely addicted to sugar to keep up my hummingbird-like energy. So, I see the mountain ahead of me. Since I like climbing mountains I start to plan. I will get rid of all sugar in the house. I will substitute with healthy alternatives. I won’t buy dessert at dinner at the restaurant. Yeah. Right. This will last for about 5 minutes before the panic sets in and I will finish that box of leftover Christmas cookies. I’ve just raised the bar so much that I won’t succeed.
It’s Monday and the new year so it’s time now to do all my business goals right now. I will start my whole way of doing things in a new way all today. In fact, this week I will manifest my new publisher and create the full proposal and finish my healing deck. I will be completely organized with my scheduling. I will create ten new doors to opportunity…
PANIC. Where’s the cookies?
Baby steps make more sense. Even if you realized you need a new job, new career, new anything, you will still get there one step after another. There is no reason to overwhelm, or put that much pressure on yourself unless you are one of those overachieving, motivating speakers who seem to have superpowers or a good supply of amphetamines. (I doubt highly these folks are empaths.) For sensitive and creative people who tend towards this behavior, remember that change needs to happen slowly and steadily. What we really fear is the drastic and that’s not what we want to create. We’ve had enough of that kind of change in the past year, why hurt ourselves?
As a child, I was always going against my own rhythms and following others’ that didn’t fit me. I may be more of the tortoise than the hare, but I get where I need to go. I love Nature because Winter isn’t rushed so there’s Spring. There’s time for everything. There’s steps.
What’s your next baby step?
*I’m completing my Tips for the Sensitive Ebook that provides all those juicy tools on how to balance out your sensitivity.
When you are sensitive, you can feel someone else’s mood a mile away, and it affects you like it would the smell of bad perfume. I learned an important lesson yesterday I wanted to share about setting boundaries and bad moods.
I took a detour yesterday and went to a different post office then my cozy, friendly one. I had to send a package via Customs and waited patiently in line. I had a few more packages fumbling under my arm that had to go to the States.
When I made my way to the Teller I felt it: Bad mood.
She looked at my package and told me curtly that it needed a Customs form. She talked to me like I was a moron and I was purposely insulting her. She then threw the form at me with no directions and brushed me away. Thinking logically, I asked her if I could just pay for the other packages and then fill out the form and she said no twice. That wasn’t how it was done.
The form came in a little booklet with lots of pages and made very little sense when you are in a hurry. I filled out the end form thinking that was the procedure and went back in line to face her again. This time I had the growing sensation of insecurity building up inside of me. “Was I stupid?” I stopped my train of thought quickly and sized up the situation. No, this woman had a “everyone is a moron but me” attitude going that I did not appreciate and it was affecting how I felt. I almost took it on.
Back in front of her, I lost my temper when she chastised me for only filling out the last form, without realizing that it was a duplicate and I should have filled out the first form.
“How the hell would I know that?” I snapped at her. I had been virally affected by her bad mood, and now I was hostile and on the defensive.
I walked away back to the desk to fill out the form “right.” That’s when the aha moment arrived. Eureka! I could walk away. I could take my stuff and go to another post office or even wait for another teller in line. I mumbled this out loud. I didn’t have to put up with her bad treatment or the bad mood she was flinging at others! I also didn’t have to get involved with defending myself or confronting her and showing her what she was doing. That wasn’t my job.
That’s when the Universe rewarded me immediately for my new lesson learned. The woman was so riled she walked into the back and was replaced by another teller who now was about to serve me.
This woman fawned over my cute little drawn mailing labels and stickers and complimented me. We chit-chatted about making art and how much we loved the process, and she told me about her art. When the transaction was completed, she said “Nice meeting you.”
This was a 180 degree turn around from what I had just experienced! I told the world what I wanted and what I didn’t want. And I threw what wasn’t mine back at the person and basically said, “Here. This isn’t mine, it’s yours.” I won’t put up with bad treatment.
Now I do understand that working at the post office is a very stressful job. My husband worked there for years and told me the counter was the hardest job of all. And I am always trying to understand where the other person is coming from and have compassion. But the teller expected defiance, rudeness, ignorance, and received it, by being rude! Her foul treatment passed along to me, and if I had owned her mood, caught that contagion, I would surely have passed it to many others throughout the day like a bad cold.
See it, just say No, and Yes to what you do want.
A reminder that classes for this session start on Fairy Online School Friday. That’s this Friday! Woo-hoo! Now is the time to reserve your space and sign up. The next session may not be until end of March/April. So, if you are itching to learn some really neat stuff in the warm privacy of your own home on these cold, snowy days, now’s the time. Choose from Talking to Angels, Guides and Dead People (so excited about this one), Care of the Sensitive, Fairy Beginner Fairy Secrets class, Animal Mediumship, Animal Healing, and Animal Communication.
Please note, Fairy Joy class sign ups are ongoing, as are Mentorships, which are arranged.
And of course, Readings are ongoing. New ebook almost ready!
The e-book is completed! Pulled from my favorite entries here at this blog, with tons of new material written and new lessons learned, here are 50 tools to help you tame your sensitivity and use it as the gift it is. Go here to snatch up your copy.
This is a great companion piece to the Care of the Sensitive class, where you will learn how Nature tools can support your sensitive system.
Cute fun size
Buy the paper version: Paper coil-binded and printed version pocketbook (5.5″ x 4.25″) size, with shipping $23.99: Buy here.
I am finding that whatever I am meant to teach at the time, I will be learning. Sometimes these lessons come gently and easily and other times, a little stronger.
Tonight I am teaching a teleclass on Better Boundaries for Sensitives. This is THE topic that as Empaths we need to tackle. As an empath, I have the ability to merge with an animal or person and retrieve a ton of information. There is deep connection there. It can feel pretty glorious, and give me great compassion and understanding for another. I can also do this with a spirit in the room or even a friend sitting across from me. This is all good. Having this skill makes life deep and rich.
It’s the unmerging that takes a long time to learn and isn’t a skill we are taught in this world. We need to go back to our own center with separate boundaries. I’ve been actively busy learning these skills as time goes on.
I visited a friend’s house and farm yesterday. To the outside eye, the place looked peaceful and quiet with animals strolling about. But to me, his place was buzzing with lots of spirits and energies. I was wide open and immediately heard messages. His animals were busy gabbing away at me also. I wasn’t overwhelmed, just very busy during the visit. When I got home though, I had LOTS of visitors and dreamt about all kinds of insects invading my space.
Insects in dreams can be a psychic metaphor for psychic invaders, leftover “other people’s stuff” and empathic cast-offs. Oops. Not a bad thing to connect, but I forgot to close down and clear out. In my dream state I could do that. Kinda like taking my container and emptying it out.
Other indications that you’re invaded by others’ stuff are dreams of intruders in rooms in your house or doors being wide open.
It’s not dangerous being a sensitive or an empath. It’s a gift, but we do need excellent self-care and maintenance which includes some new tools and skills.
To learn more psychic skills and tools, sign up today for a Fairy Online School class, such as the Care of the Sensitive class, Spirit Communication 1 or Animal Communication 1.
Back in 2005, I started Fairy Online School. I was burnt out and tired in my intuitive biz from all the sadness I encountered, and I was going through lots of psychic, expansion changes. I needed support for my sensitivity and quite simply, a little joy to raise my spirits back up. In came that delicious fairy energy, and with it, my love for Nature, and the discovery of my first flower essence I created to heal.
What exactly is fairy energy? I believe we all have it deep down inside. It’s that joyful, playful part we had as children. It’s interested in discovery and gets excited over finding an inch worm on a leaf. It’s grounded in Nature and in our environment and our senses. It’s also that little bit of silly that has you laughing at inappropriate times when you need the humor the most.
This time of year, I always think of my mom, who crossed over in 1995, but is still a pretty active, visiting spirit. When I was growing up, my mom shared with me the little delights in the world–collecting tiny toys for the holidays; having a hidden stash of candy to dip into; noticing the picture in the clouds; following that cute, little inch worm on the leaf; and enjoying a good story. It’s the little things we can focus on to bring back the joy into our lives to keep us afloat when everything else in our world is crazy, and boy, life sure has been crazy!
I told my good friend the other day, if this is really end times, I want to go out drawing, snuggling my dogs, eating pizza and cupcakes every day! That’s the fairy way.
Fairy Online School is the marriage between that re-connection we have with the spiritual world that is filled with miracles, awe, and support, and the creating and enjoying with fairy energy as we learn!
I invite you to join us with the many from all over the world reconnecting to miracles, to those we think we lost, to new friends of support this Friday when Fairy Online School starts its new session. Develop your natural, intuitive abilities while having fun, and most importantly, reconnect to you! Head on over to this page to reserve your space in the classes of your choice that start Friday. (Go sign up for my newsletter, Fairy Blessings, and you receive a special fairy discount on classes).
Like most of us that write or teach, I usually am learning what I need to share that week. With all this great lunar energy has come some good lessons and lots of insight. The lessons being learned haven’t been all too comfortable but big.
Yesterday I had a cranky or nasty fairy attack. I don’t have a great deal of patience as it is, but I was feeling super-impatient with others.
I went to Unity church yesterday feeling good and relaxed and found myself halfway through the morning cranky, drained and wanting to sleep. Keep in mind that the room was warm and even the Rev. complained that there were a few who were yawning through his lesson.
I concluded that I was picking up some nasty stuff including the general mood in the room of malaise. I did have a cranky encounter with one friend , who was being super-critical, and another who felt demanding to me because he was miffed I gave him the cold shoulder, so I figured I was picking up their stuff coming at me. That made logical sense and would explain my mood and energy drain.
Being an empath, which I am sure you can relate to, we can often pick up other folks’ stuff unknowingly even if they are thinking about us from far away. Discerning who and what it is you are picking up is crucial detective work. But what if what’s really happening is someone else’s SH*T is triggering your SH*T?
After a good night’s sleep asking for guidance, I realized that is exactly what occurred. Yes, I picked up on the mood of the room, but it was my interactions with my friends’ stuff that got me reeling and upset. ANGER is a great indicator that someone has blasted through your boundaries, which is a little of what had happened. But with new insight I realized that the big issue I had been working on from my past was being mirrored in their behavior towards me. They had just given me little clues.
When I woke up, I made a list of those behaviors that really peeved me and I could see there was a pattern developing. I continually got very upset when someone else demands of me with no regard to my needs, or is controlling and forceful while trampling my boundaries. This pattern was one that I grew up with and I probably wasn’t aware consciously that it upset me so much back then, but it stayed buried inside me until others push those specific buttons.
What I learned from this experience is not only that sometimes it isn’t empathic feeling I am picking up but those trigger buttons, but I also noticed that there isn’t a pat answer or explanation for every experience we have. If I had stopped there, and concluded that I was just sponging off someone’s feelings, or someone was psychic attacking me, or even that “bad spirits” were draining me, or, that I wasn’t “loving enough and they were only mirrors,” I wouldn’t have gotten to the meat of that particular situation. That is one big thing I have against some new age or spiritual teachings. Every story is different, and that means different answers and different solutions. Blanket answers like “it’s all just fear or love,” may be true at the core, but doesn’t give real world day to day conclusions. Nor is “just love others” when the human relationship is so complex with all our stuff bouncing off each other! And I don’t know about you, but when someone tramples my boundaries or is abusive to me, just throwing love their way when I am supposed to be speaking up for myself and screaming NO! is not my answer.