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An American, a Russian and a Pakistani were bragging about the developments in their countries. The talk came over super hi-tech scientific advances.

The American boasted, “We have developed such rockets and spaceships which go so high up that they pierce the blue sky and then come back”.

The Russian snapped him, “Come on, how’s that possible? How can they pierce the sky? We know it’s not a physical thing!!!!!….

The American replied, “Well they are there, just a couple of million of miles short of the blue sky….”

OK, said the Russian. Now it was his turn….

“We have made such high tech advances in the marine technology that our submarines just travel along the base of the oceans, just like tanks”….

Oh! Come on comrade; spoke back the American, how’s that possible? We know that there are rocks all along the bottom of the seas, how can they move along that?…. Ok Ok, the Russian said….they float just a couple of thousand meters above the ocean’s base.

The Pakistani very quietly kept listening to their interesting discussions…..

What about your country? Now the American and the Russian turned towards the Pakistani…..

The Pakistani thought for a while and said, “We may not be a super power, but we are a nuclear power…..I’m not aware of any high-tech developments in my country, but after listening to your discussions and advancements, I only know one thing…..”In our country women deliver babies through their assholes!!!!!”…..

“Deliver babies through the assholes”……confused, both the Yankee and the Comrade cried out … .OMG…..…. How’s that possible?

The Pakistani very calmly replied…..”It’s just a matter of few centimeters here and there”….

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Image via Wikipedia

1. Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?

2. I can’t talk to you right now; tell me,where will you be in the next 10 years?

3. I don’t want you to turn the other cheek; it’s just as ugly.

4. I don’t know who you are, but whatever you are, I’m sure everyone will agree with me.

5. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

6. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

7. I can’t seem to remember your name, and please don’t help me!

8. I don’t even like the people you’re trying to imitate, if you are at all.

9. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

10. I know you’re a self-made man. It’s nice of you to take the blame!

11. I know you’re not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

12. I’ve seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

13. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that’s very typical of you.

14. How would you like to feel the way you look?

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Image via Wikipedia

1. Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?

2. I can’t talk to you right now; tell me,where will you be in the next 10 years?

3. I don’t want you to turn the other cheek; it’s just as ugly.

4. I don’t know who you are, but whatever you are, I’m sure everyone will agree with me.

5. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

6. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

7. I can’t seem to remember your name, and please don’t help me!

8. I don’t even like the people you’re trying to imitate, if you are at all.

9. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

10. I know you’re a self-made man. It’s nice of you to take the blame!

11. I know you’re not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

12. I’ve seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

13. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that’s very typical of you.

14. How would you like to feel the way you look?

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Top notch casinos, over the top hotels, world class restaurants, mesmerizing sights and vibrant nightlife awaits you in Nevada. Home to the gambling capital of the world, Nevada is an experience of a lifetime. Besides all these sights, attractions and activities, Nevada is also the home to some of the wackiest laws in the world. Sit back and enjoy these dumb laws that were supposed to protect its citizens but unfortunately turned hilarious.

1. In no matter how rich you are, please don’t ride you camel on the high way, unless you want to be jailed.
2. Did someone shot you do on your property! In Nevada you can hang that person because it is 100% legal! All dog shooters beware!
3. In Nevada do go out without you mask as it its illegal to walk the streets without wearing a mask.
4. In Nevada you can be jailed for buying drinks for more than three people.

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Your mama is so fat when she jumped in the ocean whales sang “We Are Family Even Though You Bigger Than Me.”

I will post More When I think of one no one has think of. 

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For those who spend a lot of times on the road, watch out for these strange and funny road signs. This signs can make you share a smile or get you in a serious rage.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/andryone/120278573/

Wifey: There’s something wrong with that sign?

Hubby: No need to panic dear, I’m a leftie, so I’m not easily rattled by this tricky sign.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/celebdu/291322346/

Wifey: Careful dear and be sure to shift to a lower gear, unexpected road ahead.

Hubby: Keep cool love, its but normal for drivers to “expect the unexpected.”

http://www.flickr.com/photos/31332178@N02/3558765359/

Wifey: Is he waiving his hands?

Hubby: Nope! He’s just telling you to shut up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rileyroxx/224646430/

Wifey: The spelling is wrong…

Hubby: That’s the result of limited education budget.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cobblucas/3254137914/

Wifey: Oh my Gosh! I don’t want to die yet.

Hubby: Don’t you worry dear, there’s a hospital, a church and a cemetery right after we crossed the sign.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/emilymills/3586292198/

Wifey: Poor town, nobody bothered to give it a name.

Hubby: That’s great, we have discovered a land and will call it Bonie and Clyde town.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e1/Road_Sign_Penguins_Crossing_NZ.jpg

Wifey: Are we in Antartica?

Hubby: No wonder dear that you get a “C” grade in Biology.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/47/Auction_mart_sign.jpg

Wifey: Go straight ahead! 

Hubby: Sure, but I’ll drop you by at the intersection, so you can take the left road and have the time to visit your friends.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5b/Noparking-parkway.jpg

Wifey! I can’t see no parkway.

Hubby: Look at the sky. it’s a bird, its a plane, no its a parkway.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/xq311z/2468778959/

Wifey: What’s the sign indicates?

Hubby: there’s an amusement park ahead and they’re promoting the “roller coaster” ride.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/xq311z/2468769929/

Wifey: I thought, we only have to fasten our seatbelt, now they’re ordering us to wear helmets.

Hubby: Oh dear, we’re lost, this is not the way to Alabama, Its the Tour de France!

http://eightsolid.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/41.jpg

Wifey: The sign says, No left and right turn, you mean to say we have to drive straight ahead and ramped that green house.

Hubby: Shut up dear, no problem, today is Saturday.

http://eightsolid.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/8.jpg

Wifey: Which way would we take? 

Hubby: I guess it would be thrilling, if we take the slippery road.

http://eightsolid.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/which-way-can-i-go.jpg

Wifey: I told you to take the Inter-state highway. Now we’re in for a big headache.

Hubby: Don’t you worry dear, I saw no police officer so we can take whichever way we like.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rileyroxx/151985627/

Wifey: Oh! that was a cute road sign. 

Hubby: It would be nicer, if the old lady is the one guiding the old man..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dobrych/3038370930/

Wifey: See, the authorities are really concern with the pedestrian and motorists safety. This where our taxes go.

Hubby: Are they not digging for golds?

Needs Pain Pills

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bewareofdog/102196992/

Wifey: That’s a noble way to seek a lost dog.

Hubby: I agree, dog is man’s best friend.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/foraggio/386013177/

Wifey: Another of those mispelled words.

Hubby: No dear, you got it wrong, the arrow is pointing the right way..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/3289451389/

Wifey: Is it okay dear, if we chip-in ten dollars for the foods.

Hubby: Just be sure to get a receipt!

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Hello!  It’s back to school time soon!  Make lunch more fun for your kids by slipping in some notes, jokes or riddles in their lunch box.  There are many websites where you can find notes and jokes that you can print for free.  I found the best of them and here they are.  These notes are so cute, your kids will love them!

http://www.alenkasprintables.com/lunchboxnotes.shtml

Alenkasprintables is one of my all time favorite websites for free printables.  You will find free lunch box printable notes in here.  The graphics are very cute!  There are also editable notes!  You can edit the notes before printing them.  You can change the words and replace with your own text.  And while you’re on this website, check out their other wonderful free printables too. They have free school printables, free “color me” notecards, free printable awards, free printable name cards and free printable address labels.  They also have printable chore charts and bookmarks that you can print for free.

http://disney-stationary.com/printables/lunch-notes.php

Children love Disney characters!  There are free printable lunch notes with images of Disney Characters from the High School Musical, Wall-E, the Jonas Brothers, Honnah Montana, Disney Princesses (Cinderella, Snow White, Ariel, etc), Dumbo, Mickey Mouse, etc.

http://familyfun.go.com/printables/craft-templates/printable/lunch-box-jokes/lunch-box-jokes.html

There are jokes that you can print and cut out.  The children will like these!

http://www.kidprintables.com/lunchboxnotes/

These are very cute notes.  If you put them on your kids’ lunch box they will be very happy.  It is a nice surprise and it makes them feel very loved and special.

http://www.youthonline.ca/stationery/lunchboxnotes/

You will find free cute lunchbox notes in free, ready to print and cut.

http://printables.familyeducation.com/tv/tvsearch.php?in=fe_printables&type=printable&theme=lunchbox-notes

There are many assorted lunch box notes in here.  These are very thoughtful notes.  The children will adore them.

http://www.gingerbreadnook.com/backpacknotes/

There are 4 notes per page to print.  The bears and bunnies graphics are absolutely adorable.  These free backpack and lunch notes are great!

http://www.nickjr.com/parenting/parenting_features/first-day-of-school/brown-bag-school-lunch/kids-lunch-boxes/index.jhtml

You will find really cute free printable lunch box love notes in here.  The characters are Dora The Explorer, Blue’s Clues, Oswald and Little Bill.

http://www.frugal-families.com/printables/lunchboxnotes.gif

There are 8 lovely lunch box notes ready to print and cut.

http://www.the-heart-of-motherhood.com/printable-lunchbox-notes.html

There are 10 nice individual lunch box notes.  You can print them on plain paper or card stock.  

I hope you enjoyed this article on where to find free printable notes and jokes for your children’s lunch box!

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Top 10 Sites: Where to Find FREE Printable Birthday Greeting Cards!

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Hello!  It’s back to school time soon!  Make lunch more fun for your kids by slipping in some notes, jokes or riddles in their lunch box.  There are many websites where you can find notes and jokes that you can print for free.  I found the best of them and here they are.  These notes are so cute, your kids will love them!

http://www.alenkasprintables.com/lunchboxnotes.shtml

Alenkasprintables is one of my all time favorite websites for free printables.  You will find free lunch box printable notes in here.  The graphics are very cute!  There are also editable notes!  You can edit the notes before printing them.  You can change the words and replace with your own text.  And while you’re on this website, check out their other wonderful free printables too. They have free school printables, free “color me” notecards, free printable awards, free printable name cards and free printable address labels.  They also have printable chore charts and bookmarks that you can print for free.

http://disney-stationary.com/printables/lunch-notes.php

Children love Disney characters!  There are free printable lunch notes with images of Disney Characters from the High School Musical, Wall-E, the Jonas Brothers, Honnah Montana, Disney Princesses (Cinderella, Snow White, Ariel, etc), Dumbo, Mickey Mouse, etc.

http://familyfun.go.com/printables/craft-templates/printable/lunch-box-jokes/lunch-box-jokes.html

There are jokes that you can print and cut out.  The children will like these!

http://www.kidprintables.com/lunchboxnotes/

These are very cute notes.  If you put them on your kids’ lunch box they will be very happy.  It is a nice surprise and it makes them feel very loved and special.

http://www.youthonline.ca/stationery/lunchboxnotes/

You will find free cute lunchbox notes in free, ready to print and cut.

http://printables.familyeducation.com/tv/tvsearch.php?in=fe_printables&type=printable&theme=lunchbox-notes

There are many assorted lunch box notes in here.  These are very thoughtful notes.  The children will adore them.

http://www.gingerbreadnook.com/backpacknotes/

There are 4 notes per page to print.  The bears and bunnies graphics are absolutely adorable.  These free backpack and lunch notes are great!

http://www.nickjr.com/parenting/parenting_features/first-day-of-school/brown-bag-school-lunch/kids-lunch-boxes/index.jhtml

You will find really cute free printable lunch box love notes in here.  The characters are Dora The Explorer, Blue’s Clues, Oswald and Little Bill.

http://www.frugal-families.com/printables/lunchboxnotes.gif

There are 8 lovely lunch box notes ready to print and cut.

http://www.the-heart-of-motherhood.com/printable-lunchbox-notes.html

There are 10 nice individual lunch box notes.  You can print them on plain paper or card stock.  

I hope you enjoyed this article on where to find free printable notes and jokes for your children’s lunch box!

Top 10 Sites to Have Fun With Your Photos

Top 10 Best Sites to Find Free Printable Coloring Pages

Free Avatars: Where You Can Get The Best Of Them

10 Sites To Find Free Printable Paper Dolls

Top 10 Sites: Where to Find FREE Printable Birthday Greeting Cards!

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It was at a highly prestigious, religious wedding feast that Blakeley Bloke, kind of sort of favorite uncle of the bride was asked to make a toast. The elation grew in his eyes, I mean visibly that anyone could see, as he hurriedly quaffed the coke-on-ice in his tumbler.

Sort of kind of hop-skip and jumped across the floor to where the piano man played notes to suit the mood, while fishing out of his coat side pocket a palm sized bottle which held a kind of sort of yellowish - brown concoction he called “Spirit-of-the-spirits”- they move mountains.

He grabbed the microphone on the small table that stood next to the piano man while humming the beginning notes sort of kind of, that came from the hymn book to him to commence the toast……….. di di da day - di day -da day…… took a pose, chest out, chin poised, eyes half shut, shoulders straight, tumbler  raised mid-high ,a deep breath in, bl uttered out the tune that could only have come from the fourth of the Three Tenors……..

Drink to your fill

But still with care,

Never a glutton be,

But take……the glass which is your own

And you will contented be.

But take…..the glass….which is your own

And you …will…contended be

Yeah.

Amid the cheers and laughter, the grins and scorns and the fury of the immediate family of both bride and groom, landed Blakeley Bloke outside the festive halls, in the middle of the street. Lucky to be in one piece, realized he was missing a coat sleeve and the right shoe. Also missing was the sweet Tenor voice, but he gained a slurred speech pattern. Unfortunate.

The disappointment to him came while reaching into his coat pocket found the rest of the “Spirit-of-the-spirits” gone….He couldn’t move mountains.

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Jason, the mysterious killer, in the Friday the 13th series is truly an evil monster. He kills without a conscience. Here are ten things that you shouldn’t say to Jason if you ever come across him:

1. Would you like to play in a pick up hockey game?
2. Your knife looks a little dull. Do you mind if I sharpen it for you?
3. Have you seen my son Freddie around? He’s always getting into trouble. He’s not the sharpest kid on the block.
4. You look like your dressed to kill. You sure are the strong and silent type.
5. Man are you ugly. And your breath could kill an elephant.
6. Do you have an axe to grind with someone? Next thing you know you’ll be waving around a chainsaw.
7. Are you a reject from Camp Crystal Lake or are you one of the counselors?
8. Would you like to date my sister? She’s almost as ugly as you are.
9. You better stay out of the water. Otherwise, you’ll catch the death of a cold.
10. Did anyone ever tell you that it is impolite to carry a bloody ax inside the house? You could leave stains on the carpet.

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An officer married with his colleague. One day he was braggingly said to his friends, “My wife is very obedient.”

Friends, “How?”

Officer, “Whenever I ask her to bring hot water, she obeys?”

Friends(Who were aware of the totalitarian attitude of the wife), “It is an absurd lie.”

Officer shouted in protesting voice, “Should I wash cutlery with cold water?”

 

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Want to get someone’s attention subconciously, want to get on someone’s nerves?  You need to annoy them, and here is how you can do it.

1) Crack your knuckles/toes.  Cracking your knuckles is easier and more common, but if you can crack your toes, that really gets their spine tingling.  Not only is it not common, it sounds louder and more painful.

2) Bite your nails.  Just the sound of that can drive some people insane.

3) Keep staring at a certain part of someone’s body.  For instance, pretend you see a giant zit on someone’s cheek and keep staring at it to the point where they need to move away.

4) Be sloppy.  Untuck your shirt halfway, have a milk mustache, and have long fingernails (if you’re a guy) all at the same time.

5) Last but not least, Talk!  Talk about anything and everything.  See an ant, talk about it.  It must be touch for ants, huh?  Is that a tree?  What a nice tree.  You’re nice; why are you so nice, it’s amazing!  You know what’s amazing?  Magicians.  It’s not real magic though.  It looks like it though, but it’s just tricks.  Like in the song, you know, sing with me. “It’s tricky! It’s tricky!”.  What you don’t like singing?  It’s good for the heart….and so on.

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Want to get someone’s attention subconciously, want to get on someone’s nerves?  You need to annoy them, and here is how you can do it.

1) Crack your knuckles/toes.  Cracking your knuckles is easier and more common, but if you can crack your toes, that really gets their spine tingling.  Not only is it not common, it sounds louder and more painful.

2) Bite your nails.  Just the sound of that can drive some people insane.

3) Keep staring at a certain part of someone’s body.  For instance, pretend you see a giant zit on someone’s cheek and keep staring at it to the point where they need to move away.

4) Be sloppy.  Untuck your shirt halfway, have a milk mustache, and have long fingernails (if you’re a guy) all at the same time.

5) Last but not least, Talk!  Talk about anything and everything.  See an ant, talk about it.  It must be touch for ants, huh?  Is that a tree?  What a nice tree.  You’re nice; why are you so nice, it’s amazing!  You know what’s amazing?  Magicians.  It’s not real magic though.  It looks like it though, but it’s just tricks.  Like in the song, you know, sing with me. “It’s tricky! It’s tricky!”.  What you don’t like singing?  It’s good for the heart….and so on.

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It's been a long day (a long week) and I just realized that it's my day here on the Buzz Blog. I'm too busy enjoying my Brie and Pear Apple in a Phyllo Pastry (courtesy of Target's Archer Farms) to write a real blog post, so here are some writing-related funnies.

---

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"

"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."

---

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

---

A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is--”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”

---

Rules For Writers

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)

6. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Don't use no double negatives.

12. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out or mispeld something.

13. Eschew obfuscation.

---

How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.

How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why does it *have* to be changed?

How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!

---

Three guys are sitting at a bar.

#1: "...Yeah, I make $75,000 a year after taxes."
#2: "What do you do for a living?"
#1: "I'm a stockbroker. How much do you make?
#2: "I should clear $60,000 this year."
#1: "What do you do?"
#2: "I'm an architect."
The third guy has been sitting there quietly, staring into his beer, when the others turn to him.
#2: "Hey, how much do you make per year?"
#3: "Gee... hmmm... I guess about $13,000."
#1: "Oh yeah? What kind of stories do you write?"

---

How many screenwriters does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Ten.
1st draft. Hero changes light bulb.
2nd draft. Villain changes light bulb.
3rd draft. Hero stops villain from changing light bulb. Villain falls to death.
4th draft. Lose the light bulb.
5th draft. Light bulb back in. Fluorescent instead of tungsten.
6th draft. Villain breaks bulb, uses it to kill hero's mentor.
7th draft. Fluorescent not working. Back to tungsten.
8th draft. Hero forces villain to eat light bulb.
9th draft. Hero laments loss of light bulb. Doesn't change it.
10th draft. Hero changes light bulb.

---

Jokes borrowed from Absolute Write.

Hugs,
TLC

OH. MY. GODS. (available now!)
GODDESS BOOT CAMP (coming June 2009)
teralynnchilds.com

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You can make this a "green" project by using newsprint or other paper for recycling.

Or try this stamped Rosh Hashanah card. It's made with an apple for a delightfully different design.

For another craft of the season, try making a SPIDER from my website in the KIDS section. Or one of the Halloween games.

Or if you want more fun and games, visit HIGHLIGHTS Games and Giggles.

Kyra, age 8, from Florida sent in this joke:

What's green and oinks?

Kermit the Hog!

Send me your favorite joke, and I'll share it here. Have a hoppy day!

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How happy was I when this gem showed up in the mail? Very happy, indeed.

When you think about it, much of Marigold and Christian's happiness was based on the fact that Olympia fell in the river but never came back. Well, guess what? She's back.

Turns out that Olympia has been cooling her heels down the river in Granolha, in the home of the mayor and his wife. The thing of it is, Olympia cannot remember who she is. She has decided that her name is Angelica, and sweet Angelica in no way resembles meany Olympia. She is a good listener, and treats her friends well. All good things must end, however, and after about a year's time, Olympia remembers who she is and resurfaces in all her glory.

Her aim? To get back to Beaurivage and set her plan back in motion. She just knows that her husband King Swithbert must have messed things up by now. Soon she is ordering the people of Granolha to do her bidding, rig her up a carriage, and get her home. She brings Lazy Susan along for the ride to act as her maid. (She is still resenting her sister Beauty's castle life and wants some for herself!).

What follows is a fabulous sequel to Once Upon A Marigold that will simply delight fans. Many characters are the same, but developed more deeply. And the new characters like Mr. Lucasa are such fun! Filled with cheesy jokes, wordplay, and slapstick, this tale of friendship, family and loyalty will warm even the coldest hearts.

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So have you used your new German and French words in a sentence yet? If you want to wow your friends even more take the Spanish quiz below. Questions were gleaned from the Oxford Language Dictionaries Online which is freely accessible though the 21st. If you have trouble with the quiz below use OLDO to find the answers! Be sure to check back later for our final quiz which will be in Italian!

Question 1: What’s the difference in Spanish between te quiero and quiero té?

Question 2: In English we have blue jokes; what color are they in Spanish?

Question 3: If Madrid or Barcelona are described as colapsado, what has happened?

Question 4: What do a pensamiento, a nomeolvides, and a margarita have in common?
(more…)

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At the conference, we can win gift certificates to the book store by submitting jokes! Here's the setup if you want to play along:

Name a line of underwear for children's writers and illustrators

Some of the winners:

Holes

Judy Bloomers

Oh, the Places You Can't Go

Rough Drafties

Here's my suggestion: Looking for AA-laska. (hee, hee)

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Previously I made my case for a summer full of reading that had little-to-no direct educational merit. That is, I'm all against handing out lists at the beginning of the summer with a required title (or titles) with a la carte suggestions for additional reading. I still hold to the belief that play as important as work and that if we expect to have well-rounded, culturally alert, hyper-literate children then we need to honor and encourage the notion that reading for fun and pleasure has a place. Now I'm going to turn around and suggest that there are ways to encourage non-fiction as a summer reading activity that doesn't feel like a learning experience and still be fun.

As a caveat, I don't suggest doing all of these things (save some for future summers!) and would in fact caution against too much non-fiction as kids are pretty quick to figure out when a "lesson" is coming. Just take all this in and when the moment presents itself casually introduce one of these topics into the slipstream of their summer reading.

Joke and Riddle books

I have a larger thesis (much larger than can be presented here) about using jokes as a way of teaching kids how storytelling works. Basically, the idea is this: Jokes are some of our shortest stories and once you understand how they work you can apply that knowledge to telling a story. A joke has a setting, characters, dialog, and usually a twist ending. I find it amusing when I hear adults say they cannot tell a joke who then turn around a relate a personal narrative with the same elements. Set the story, introduce the characters, keep the pertinent details, timing is pacing, aim for the climax/punchline and when you hit it the story ends.

Riddles, on the other hand, have the actual advantage of developing lateral thinking. Where a joke's aim is a punchline, often surreal or just plain silly, a riddle demands a closer examination of language and context. Also, where jokes tend to run in fads and cycles (when was the last time someone told you an elephant joke?) there are riddles from hundreds of years ago that can still stump the sharpest young minds today.

Jokes and riddles are always great ways to pass the time, especially if siblings have their own books to pull on each other. If a child responds to joke and riddle books do your best to put up with the corniest of jokes, then encourage them to seek out more. This, by the way, was how I learned about the Dewey decimal system and discovered many great riddles and lateral thinking puzzle books in the adult section of my libraries. I remember once looking like a Master of All Knowledge with my girls when I was looking for a particular book and walked over to the 800's, bypassing the online card catalog. "Do you know where all the books in the library are?" my youngest asked. "No, but I know the numbers for the books I like." If they learn to do it themselves it won't look like you're forcing them to learn anything.

Martin Gardner, the great polymath of all things logical and illogical, had a book that I must have checked out more than any other kid at my library: Perplexing Puzzlers and Tantalizing Teasers. From this one book I learned puns, anagrams, palindromes and the kind of logic puzzles (classic matchstick puzzles) that can bend minds if not keep them limber. Just following Gardner around the library led me to his annotated versions of Alice in Wonderland and The Hunting of the Snark, into examinations of logic and philosophy Aha! Gotcha and Aha! Insight and finally into Codes, Ciphers and Secret Writing. It might not be an exaggeration that Martin Gardner was my first dip into library spelunking. It also makes for a nice segue into

Code and Cipher books

Why do kids love codes? Maybe it has something to do with the deliciousness of secrets, the ability to create something that has a certain power. Codes and ciphers scrape along the surface of our desire to create symbols of meaning, communicating with a select group, a way of reclaiming the mystery and power of language. The history of codes is full of political intrigue and human struggle. The armies of the ancient Greeks and Romans employed codes, just as 20th century railroad hobos did to communicate among themselves. Ciphers have been used by spies for hundreds of years and they vary in sophistication and style in a way that make them appealing to all ages.

Gardner's book makes for an excellent introduction for kids, as does Top Secret: A Handbook of Codes, Ciphers and Secret Writing by Paul B. Janeczko. Older kids who might want a bit more history with their cryptography will probably want to check out The Code Book by Simon Singh (note, there are two books by Singh with the same title, the teen friendly one has the subtitle How to Make It, Break It, Hack It, Crack It and covers everything from Mary Queen of Scots and ends with Internet security encryption).

If you end up buying a code book I'd suggest getting two copies and keeping one for yourself. Once they have done a little reading you can write them a coded message (perhaps the secret location of a special treat) and send it to them in the mail. This isn't the first time I've suggested mailing things to kids in the summer and I can't promise it won't be the last. I have yet to see a kid act blase about an unexpected piece of mail, and once you send the first coded message you might be surprised at just how much and how quickly they'll want you to send another. I like to find unusual postcards for this and so far Homeland Security hasn't hauled me in for questioning. Maybe I've stumped them.

Activity books... and game instructions?

Get them out of the house! No one said all this summer reading meant staying indoors and there are ways to combine reading and activities. I'd also like to suggest that learning how to follow directions, instructions and rules surrounding various activities -- a lot of the same things we expect kids to get out of sports activities -- get reinforced this way.

Last fall a book came out that I would have drooled over when I was a boy: Steven Caney's Ultimate Building Book. Over a dozen years of research and development went into this book and it shows. Page after page of ideas for all kinds of project, both indoor and out of doors. Building an igloo with cubes of jello? Why not? How about using graham crackers as bricks and canned frosting as mortar for building edible structures? Sure! Bird feeder space station platform from drinking straws and disposable drinking cups? Check. Rich in explanation about how structures work and the different kinds of structural elements featured there's bound to be something that sparks an interest. Don't be surprised to see some projects consuming the better part of a day. Or week.

How about a quick course in Pioneering, the art of binding ropes and poles to create impromptu fire towers and bridges across small rivers? Or a solid study in the art of Orienteering, the use of map and compass? Small boat sailing? Cinematography? Basketry? Auto Mechanics? Five words: Boy Scout Merit Badge Pamphlets. Despite the dated, sometimes hokey post-war earnestness each of the pamphlets available for various merit badges provides a solid foundation in each of its subjects. No kid is going to naturally be attracted to a pamphlet on first aid or lifesaving (unless they want to work toward becoming a lifeguard) but many of the booklets deal with outdoor activities, crafts or hobbies. I still haven't managed to build the junk wood punt from The American Boy's Handy Book but when it's done you can be assured that before I let the girls set foot in it they'll read all the merit badge pamphlets on boating.

Similar but a little less rigid are a series of books called the Brown Paper School series published by Little Brown back in the late 1980's. The Backyard History Book presents the idea of local history as a series of discoveries. Delving into the origins of street names, mapping neighborhoods and collecting oral histories gives the curious and the extrovert a channel for those energies. The Book of Where focuses more on geography, starting from diagramming your own home and building to mapping the world. I wish I'd had their Making Cents: Every kid's guide to money, how to make it, what to do with it back when I could have used it: about ten years before I went off to college. These and other books in the series (Math for Smarty Pants is fun but probably not as much for summer) are still out there among the remainder bins and, naturally, in finer select libraries.

On the occasional rainy day, or for a lazy afternoon, an indoor board game can be fun. Why not suggest playing a familiar game by new rules? The part of this exercise that requires reading is New Rules for Classic Games by R. Wayne Schmiteberger, former editor of Games magazine. Popular board games like Monopoly, Scrabble and Risk get new instructions, as do variants of Chess, Checkers and Go. Part of the fun in playing these games sometimes is the newness, the foreignness of their strategies. It hardly seems like legitimate reading, and that's my point. Reading, interpreting, understanding and following rules and instructions can be more of an intellectual workout that a flaccid textbook and some ditto sheets.

Other great possibilities for games, if you know kids who aren't afraid of the word brains: The Big Book of Brain Games, The Brainiest, Insaniest Ultimate Puzzle Book, The Games Magazine Junior Big Book of Games (there are two volumes out there), and for a really nice coffee table style book that covers the history, origins, rules and even instructions for making games you really can't go wrong with Games of the World.

Magic tricks, slight of hand and illusion

This requires a bit of work on the part of an adult initially but the payoff can be great.

Hit the library or bookstore and find a book of magic well suited for the children in your charge. Flip through and find a trick or illusion that looks good, and by good I mean has good presentation that doesn't lend itself to being easily figured out. Now, learn the trick and practice it until you can do it comfortably and without hesitation. Got it? Good. Showtime.

Find a casual, low key moment and say "Hey, want to see what I learned recently? Watch." Then perform the illusion. If the child/ren in question are suitably impressed they will ask you to do it again, and then beg you to show them how it is done. The rule of a good magician is that you never repeat a trick for the same audience (unless you can do it with a twist of equal awe) and to never give away the secret. "But," you can explain "I can tell you the name of the book where I learned the trick."

Yes, it is tricking them into reading, but I doubt they'll mind if they really want to learn the trick. Let them try the one you performed, being ready to help understand the steps if they get confused. After that they'll usually pick up a couple more tricks easy and will surprise you with their showmanship, dexterity and focus.

In sorting through books on magic you'll want to focus on those that deal with simple playing card -- sometimes called self-working illusions because the trick takes place in the manipulation of the cards. These tend to be variations of the "pick a card" fortune telling variety and are both simple to perform and impressive. Some books may include other tricks and illusions that include simple household items and these are fine as well, what you want to avoid is starting out with magic that requires the making (or purchasing) of special apparatuses.

I still have a handful of card tricks I learned as a boy that I remember. My girls have since learned all my tricks -- and taught me a few. My guess is they will one day pass along some magic to their own kids.

Reference material

I've mentioned the paperback spinner rack at my library, the place where I could find the Mad paperbacks and other collected comic strip books. But there was a second spinner nearby that contained mass market fiction for adults that held a secret gem: The Guinness Book of World Records, now know as the Guinness World Records Book. Back then it was an inch thick with tiny type and filled with some of the most fascinating stuff, including pictures of the unimaginable. Perfect for casual (ahem, bathroom) reading, car trips and just looking for info to impress friends with. Updated annually by the Brother McWhirter back in my day it's now a brand owned by some entertainment company more interested in selling it's pages off for product placement. Avoid it at all costs.

No, instead hunt down many of the fine books of randomly collected facts out there that have popped up to fill the quality void left when Guinness went south. Dorling Kindersly, DK in the trade, has two very visual offerings: Pick Me Up which covers a lot of useful (and useless) information on a variety of subjects, and Cool Stuff and How It Works which traffics in technology and uses the x-ray-like color illustrations and cut-aways to show the various layers involved. Seeing the inside of an iPod wasn't anywhere near as interesting as seeing what is in the souls of athletic shoes that makes them so springy.

Another pair of books that fills the random information bug is Children's Miscellany and Children's Miscellany II put out by Chronicle Books. Filled with the usual lists, facts and odd little bits of instruction (how to milk a cow?) these digest-sized books are almost perfect -- putting them out in paperback and lowering their price would move them up to perfect status. There are easily a dozen other book-of-facts and almanac-type paperback available waiting to be left around the house where they will be picked up, read randomly, and left somewhere else. And, again, none of it feels like reading, yet kids will read these books for hours on end.

Single topic books

This is my catch-all section for all the possibilities out there. Many kids know about the sumptuously produced Ology books out there (Piratology, Egyptology, &c.) nut many of these and other topics are better explored (and better organized) in more traditional books that aren't looking to use their flash to hide their thinness in content.

For the study of pirates, Lost Treasures of the Pirates of the Caribbean lays out maps and legends surrounding the actual pirating that once went on and where its believed they left their booty. For older readers who can't get enough of the Disney movie franchise the Dover book Pirates and Piracy gives a nice overview of the factual elements blown way out of proportion in popular culture while the recently re-released The Barbary Pirates by C.S. Forester makes for a cracking good read as well.

On the Egyptian front, smaller in size and crammed full of goodness is the DK Backpack Book 1001 Facts About Ancient Egypt. I'm a fan of these 4 by 4 inch square paperbacks on many subjects because they merge the very visual photos and illustrations that DK is known for with tons (or is it tonnes?) of facts. Sharks, space, the human body, dinosaurs... the Backpack Books never seemed to take off but can still be found and are worth the effort.

I don't want to ignore the arts but I could take days making suggestions. First, let me suggest origami. I realize that the instructions are almost 100% visual but it is a form of reading and thinking and worthy of some reinforcement. Similarly, Ed Emberly's drawing books should be required reading for younger grades. Using basic shapes and easy, wordless step-by-step instructions kids can learn how to draw anything from monsters to rocket ships. I think even adults who claim they can't draw would benefit from a course in Emberly's books.

Finally, a story about the summer I decided I was going to learn something new. I decided in June that I would spend the summer learning how to juggle. I imagined it taking quite a bit of time to master the hand-eye coordination necessary to keep three things in the air at once. So on the first day of summer vacation with my Juggling for the Complete Klutz in hand (the book that built an empire, or at least a publishing house) I set out to learn the fine art of keeping things in the air.

Twenty minutes later I had accomplished what I thought would taken me days if not weeks. The disappointment at learning how easy it really was made me feel foolish and I didn't spend the rest of the summer practicing or learning harder tricks. I went back to my usual summer of reading the Guinness Book and other omnibuses of facts and ephemera. Mine is a cautionary tale; it takes more than one activity, or one book for that matter, to fill a summer.

* * * * *

This week's entry took a lot longer to coordinate than I envisioned, and I left off a lot of books and ideas I had jotted down. More for next year, I guess. The point is that there's a lot out there that's non-fiction in book form. In fact, if you go to a book store or library and scan the store with an eye toward separating the fiction from non-fiction you might be surprised to see just how much there is out there.

Next week I'm either donning Shorts or taking out the Trash. We'll see where the whim strikes first.

Last Week: Low Humor
Next Week: Shorts... or Trash?

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Noted without any more comment than “this is awesome to my personal refined humor sensbilities.” I give you lolbrarians. If you have an LJ account, consider contributing. I have. If you’re wondering wtf, you can Google lolcats or perhaps lolbees and see if it becomes any clearer. If not, don’t worry it’s just a stupid joke. (rated SC for “some cussin’”)

humor, jokes, lol

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which impressed me no end.)

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