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Viewing: Blog Posts Tagged with: humor, Most Recent at Top [Help]
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1. Sorry To See You Go

My technophobic wife has taken an increasing shine to internet shopping.

Point, click, receive, wrap… Point, click, receive, wrap…

At this point, you might be thinking this is another husband-rant about all of the clicking activity and the bill that will come due in January. Well, that may be a subject for another post (I hope the title changes), but right now I’m trying to wrap my mind around the amount of email spam that her clicking has brought us. You see, we share an email account. Mistake? Maybe… but it has worked thus far.

Here is the problem, cleaning my inbox is the one thing I’m OCD about. I need it to be current or I lose focus. At work, I churn through emails faster than a Gopher on balsa-wood. If I can answer it immediately, it is gone. If it makes me mad, gone. If it is ambiguous and may not pertain to me, whoops, I hit delete. My inbox is squeaky-clean. The one at work, that is.

The shared inbox at home gets bogged down in December with order confirmations, shipping information, and advertisements. Oh the advertisements. Did I mention my wife is a technophobe? So, while she has mastered the checkout function of two hundred seventy-four websites, I can’t convince her that they won’t think any less of her if she unchecks the little box that says, “Would you like us to send you an ungodly amount of emails that are irrelevant, obnoxious, and likely to cause enmity between husband and wife?”

I should be working a second job to prepare for the aforementioned bill, but I spend my December trying to unsubscribe from every mailing list known to mankind. Only they lie to you when they allow you to hold the illusion that leaving them is an option. It’s a web of deceit – an impossibility. You cannot be removed from mailing lists. “You have been removed from our mailing list. We are sorry to see you go” is a lie from the bowels of the earth.

unsubscribe

What the little button should say is, “Thank you for verifying your existence, I will now torture you every fifteen minutes with a blinking email reminder of your incompetence.”

After trying unsuccessfully to remove our email address from yet another list, I marched to the den, bowed out my chest, and sternly gave my wife an ultimatum!

“Either you learn to uncheck the subscribe button, or we are changing our email address!”

 

Women don’t like ultimatums.

 

Of course, our email address remains the same and though wounded and alone, I am off to fight a MailChimp.


Filed under: It Made Me Laugh

9 Comments on Sorry To See You Go, last added: 12/17/2014
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2. HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 14

HoHoDooDa fight

The first rule of Fight Clause is: You do not talk about Fight Clause.

Why not take a stroll on over here for links to see what the rest of the HoHoDooDa doodlers are doing.

Oh, and if you are wondering what the heck HoHoDooDa is, check this out.


1 Comments on HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 14, last added: 12/16/2014
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3. HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 10,11 and 12

Santa fro zen

Yep, I’m counting all three characters again. Don’t judge me.

Anyway, stop on over here for links to see what the rest of the HoHoDooDa doodlers are doing.

Oh, and if you are wondering what the heck HoHoDooDa is, check this out.


2 Comments on HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 10,11 and 12, last added: 12/13/2014
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4. Mr. and Mrs. Everybody search for the perfect parking space

SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE.   AT THE MALL

 
SCENE: PARKING LOT OF A LARGE, BUSY MALL. BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

AT RISE: MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY SEARCH FOR A PARKING PLACE

 

MRS. EVERYBODY

Told you we should have left earlier. Now there’s wall-to-wall cars. We’re never going to find a spot

 
MR. EVERYBODY

Excuse me? Were you or were you not talking on the phone to Chloe for a good 45 minutes?

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

First of all – it wasn’t 45 minutes and second of all, we had important things to discuss

 
MR. EVERYBODY

Like what? Which stores have the best prices?

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

So? Those are important things. Don’t you want me to save you money? Don’t you just love all the Christmas decorations?

 
MR. EVERYBODY

Come again? How do you figure that buying stuff saves me money?

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

Well, take today for example.  Everything in the mall, the entire mall mind you, is twenty-five percent off! This is a bigggg saving. If I hadn’t spoken to Chloe, I would never have know that. Listen – they’re playing Silver Bells over outdoor speakers. Don’cha  just love that song? Puts you in a Christmas mood

 
MR. EVERYBODY

Would I be going round and round if I did? We’ve been going in circles for so long, I’m getting dizzy. You mean the “spend-spend-spend” songs

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

Try and get close to an entrance. You’re so cynical

 
MR. EVERYBODY

You’re fussy where you want to park? Beggars can’t be choosers

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

Let me put it another way. Try not to park fifty feet away in no-mans-land. It’s cold out

 
MR. EVERYBODY

And let me make this perfectly clear. This car will turn in to wherever there’s an empty space

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

You could at make an effort to look

 
MR. EVERYBODY

And what am I doing now? As far as I can see, there are no empty parking spaces near a mall entrance, or anywhere else for that matter. Maybe we should just go home and forget about it…

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

Not! And miss the sale of the year? Okay. How about this. One more time around and then you can go park in Siberia like always

 
MR. EVERYBODY

One more time …here we go again…

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

Stop! There’s a car pulling out. Quick – get over there or that guy is gonna grab it before us

 
MR. EVERYBODY

It’s in the next line over. I’ll have to drive around. I’ll never make it

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

Just put your foot on the gas and cut the car off!

 
MR. EVERYBODY

This is not the wild west and I have no intention of being part of a showdown. If we don’t get it – we don’t get it

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

Mr. Philosophical has spoken. Just…hurry! You’re not going fast enough! The other car is closing in from the other direction…

 
MR. EVERYBODY

You are obsessed and possessed – you do realize that, right?

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

We’re talking about a primo parking spot right near the front, no less! This is indeed our lucky day! You gotta be aggressive if you wanna grab a good place. Trust me. I know about these things.

 
MR. EVERYBODY

You and your knowledge of parking spaces wouldn’t happen to know anything about the nice scratch in the front right fender by any chance, would you?

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

I’m getting so forgetful these days. Y’see…last week, me and Chloe were here for the Fashion Flare Shop Going-Going-Gone Out of Business sale and there was a parking space and I was sure this car could fit but unfortunately, I misjudged the size of the spot against the size of the fender and like…the fender somehow ended up sliding against a cement pillar that was in my way. Why they put pillars in the middle of parking lots is a mystery, anyway. Hurry – that other car is getting ready to turn in!

 
MR. EVERYBODY

Perhaps it’s a plot by the mall to get drivers like you to scratch your fenders against them. They’re light standards, FYI. Oh well - guess it matches the scratch on the left fender… Uh-oh both our cars are there at the same time. I’ll let the other car park. Doesn’t mean that much to me

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

You’re just giving in? Hold your ground for a few minutes. Show the other car we mean business!

 
MR. EVERYBODY

We’ll go to the back of the parking lot. Plenty of space there

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

But…I’ll have to walk!

 
MR. EVERYBODY

What’s this world coming to? You’ll have to walk a few extra feet. I mean, really…

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

Open the window and let me speak to the driver and explain the situation. I’m sure he’ll understand and let us park

 
MR. EVERYBODY

You’re not serious

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

I’m very convincing.

 
(MRS. EVERYBODY opens the door and talks to the driver of the other car)

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

‘Hello – it looks like we both want the same parking spot. Could I, as a fellow citizen of this planet, prevail upon you to allow us to have this precious parking spot? As you probably know, there is a twenty-five-percent off sale and I have been waiting to buy these divine shoes that have finally been reduced and gone on sale… What? Of course ... I see… Have a good day.’

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

(Cont’d.) Just drive. When something seems too good to be true, it usually is

 
MR. EVERYBODY

What happened to your convincing sales personality?

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

The woman sitting next to him has crutches. Broke her leg and ankle skiing so I couldn’t very well justify taking the spot given all the snow on the ground

 
MR. EVERYBODY

You're all heart. You do know what that means -

 
MRS. EVERYBODY

Siberia here we come… Know what? I got a great idea. Why don’t you leave me off in front of an entrance – any entrance - and park? Or better still, drive around for an hour or so and when I’m finished, I’ll call you on my cell phone and you can pick me up? Isn’t that a good idea? It’s a win-win for both of us. Right here will do…see you later…

 
(MRS. EVERYBODY gets out of the car and heads for the mall entrance)

 
MR. EVERYBODY

(calling out of the car window)

Wait a minute! Hello? You have my cell! You forgot yours at home!

0 Comments on Mr. and Mrs. Everybody search for the perfect parking space as of 12/10/2014 11:06:00 PM
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5. The Front of the Parade

I dislike parades. Not a little, a lot!

I don’t care about the pageantry or the spectacle. I just get bored. A.D.D.? Maybe. Every time I’m stuck watching them, I can’t find an ounce of enjoyment – I just think about two dozen other things I could be doing. This couldn’t be truer than when I’m at Disneyworld.

My kids, on the other hand, love parades. So when people start lining the streets, they want to stop riding roller coasters and wait. UGH…

Wait for what? Floats. No thank you! If a float doesn’t contain root beer and ice cream, I don’t want it.

I figure with half of the eligible riders standing along the parade route, the lines to the cool things are shorter. Not my family. We wait – and not for the good stuff.

A funny thing happened on our trip last week. We were headed to a ride at the back of the park while people were lining up for the parade. No one with me suggested we stop to watch (miracle), so I powered into the street. We must have been the last ones let out before they closed the rope because we found ourselves about 20 paces in front of the parade with all of its flags and music.

Maybe it was the fact that I was pushing my daughter’s wheelchair, or possibly because I looked so stately and official, but it became apparent that the spectators thought we were supposed to be the ones leading the parade. We all realized it at the same time as they clapped and waved at us.

My kids became confused.

They grouped together.

“Should we pull off and get out of the way?” they wondered.

The oldest asked, “What do we do?”

Of course they looked to me, the leader, the head honcho, the alpha male for direction and what did they find me doing?

Waving

With a dopey grin on my face, I waved back at all of my adoring fans.

When life puts you at the front of the parade, smile and wave!

parade

The kids laughed at me, but it caught on. All of us began waving to the crowd.

You know what? Everyone waved back. The people didn’t think we looked out of place – they just waved at us. I wonder what they thought when the real parade came and they realized we didn’t belong. Oh well, we were gone by then. We walked over half of the parade route unencumbered by the bustling crowd until we got near the ride we wanted. Then we simply ducked into the masses and became one of them – anonymous once more.

I still hate parades… But for a moment, I was the grand marshal.


Filed under: It Made Me Laugh

6 Comments on The Front of the Parade, last added: 12/10/2014
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6. HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 5, 6 and 7

carol of the bulls

Holiday frivolity is already claiming doodle time and it may just be a bunch of bull, but I’m counting each character as a separate day in an effort to catch up. Yep, just making up the rules as I go along!

So hey, why not take a stroll on over here for links to see what the rest of the HoHoDooDa doodlers are doing.

Oh, and if you are wondering what the heck HoHoDooDa is, check this out.


6 Comments on HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 5, 6 and 7, last added: 12/11/2014
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7. HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 4

Spruced Up

…and then, as if by magic, Bruce Sprucington Treeworthy wobbled impossibly into a stately bow.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Looks like we have a few masochists joining HoHoDooDa this year. Below are the names and links of said participants (at least any who have left their name and link to where they are posting their doodles, in the comments here.) If I’ve missed anyone or your link is not working or any other proof of my heinous lack of organizational skills, please let me know and I’ll do my best to fix it.

Let’s get doodling!

For more HoHoDooDa info please go here.

HoHoDooDa 2014 Participants:

Heahter Soodak

Roberta Baird

Pam Tanzey

Bobbie Dacus

Heather LittleBearies

June Goulding


5 Comments on HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 4, last added: 12/5/2014
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8. HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 3

cockroach

HOT SHOT ROACH & AUNT KILLER

Inspired by a misspelled Home Depot sign. I know, not very holiday-ish, but hey.

What is HoHoDooDay you ask? Check this out.


6 Comments on HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 3, last added: 12/4/2014
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9. HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 2

Fleas Navidad HoHoDooDa

Nothing like a holiday pun to start things off, eh?

What is HoHoDooDa? Check it out here!


9 Comments on HoHoDooDa 2014 Day 2, last added: 12/5/2014
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10. HoHoDooDay 2014 Day 1

HoHoDooDa hedgehogs

Announcing (last minute as is tradition) the beginning of HoHoDooDa 2014 (or Holiday Doodle A Day!)

As nutty as November was, what with PiBoIdMo (thank you so much Tara Lazar!) and SkADaMo 2014, it was just what the doctor ordered as far as a shot of creative, mojo-inducing stress.

A few Decembers ago, to keep the momentum going, my fellow illustrator pals, the talented Marion Eldridge and Laura Jacobson along with myself, engaged in yet another month-long sketch-a-thin which we dubbed HoHoDooDa, short for Holiday Doodle a Day (hmmm, not really that much shorter. Is it?) We did our best to create a holiday-themed doodle a day… or even every other day… or as often as humanly possible, throughout December.

What with the holidays and all, I admit it’s a little crazy and there may be some gnashing of teeth and tears shed, but overall, I’m sure it will be a blast and very rewarding, as it was last year. So, doin’ it again this year!

Just like SkADaMo, anyone who wants to join in is more than welcome! Regardless of what winter holiday you celebrate!

Rules for HoHoDooDa:

“What are the rules for HoHoDooDa?” You may ask.

1. THERE ARE NO RULES! NO SIGN UP! NO REGISTRATION! NO GIVEAWAYS OR GUEST POSTERS!  No regulations, themes, daily words, Facebook pages or anything else resembling organization. Just lots of holidaydoodling, commenting back and forth and hopefully lots of inspiration and craft honing!
HoHoDooDa Doodlers are scoff-laws and Mavricks! (Really, I’m just not that organized.) The only code we live by this month is Doodle! Doodle! Doodle! Doodle everyday from December 1 to December 31, or at least try to.
You may not Doodle every single day, but by golly you will have tried and you’ll have more doodles in your sketchbook at the end of December than you might have otherwise.
So, there’s that!

2. If you send me a link to your blog, (or wherever you are posting your HoHoDooDa doodles) I will keep a running list of all the participants and their links on my blog. This way we can all keep in touch and root each other on and enjoy the sugarplum fruits of each other’s doodle labors.

If you post to your blog it helps if you tag your illustrations HoHoDooDa or create a HoHoDooDa category. If you are posting to Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram it helps to add a hashtag (#HohoDooDa.)

It has been my experience that Facebook’s hashtags are not all that reliable, which is why I decided to go back to listing any link you give me.

If there are any broken links, bad links, I forgot anyone, misspelled anyone’s name or any other heinous act was performed, please let me know and I’ll do my best to correct it.

3. Smile, this is fun!

Doodle on my fellow HoHoDooDa Doodlers, (should there be any!)


8 Comments on HoHoDooDay 2014 Day 1, last added: 12/4/2014
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11. SkADaMo 2014 Last Day!!!

skadamo-button-2014-monkey-winner-450

Wooo hooooo! We did it, y’all!

First of all I want to give a hearty thanks to all the folks who visited my blog, Facebook, or Twitter to support and root me on. Your comments, retweets, shares and ‘likes’ were encouraging, often funny and clever and always more than welcome. Thanks also for doing the same for my fellow SkADaMoers. You guys made the journey all the sweeter and kept me going when I was tempted to simply sit around eating a whole bag of chips while watching time wasting kitty antics on YouTube.

I may have only completed 19 sketches in 30 days, but that’s 19 more sketches than I would have done otherwise.

In fact, to all my fellow SkADaMoers:

You decided to step a bit out of your comfort zone this November, dip your toe into a challenge. Maybe you did one sketch, or 5, 10 or all 30. Whatever number you managed to do… You. Are. A. Winner!

Why? “Why am I a winner no matter how many sketches I finished”, you may ask? Well, because you took a positive, productive step toward revving up your creative engines this month. Perhaps your sketchbook is a little fuller, your blog has a few more posts. Maybe you killed it and did 30 sketches or more! Maybe for those who participated in PiBoIdMoor even if you didn’t, you have some great picture book ideas percolating  now or some great new ideas for a painting or some other type of super cool project. Maybe because you dipped your toe into this challenge you’ll be more toned up to jump into something even more challenging with both feet! Whatever the case may be, you did it and that is fantastic! Good for all of you!

You rock. Take a winner badge!

SkADaMo button 2014 monkey winner

Now go on and enjoy the rest of your holiday season, feeling a bit more energized. Maybe you’ll take a rest from sketching every single day, maybe you’ll continue do a wee bit every day…

OR…

Maybe you’re a masochist like myself and you’ll join the HoHoDooDa (Holiday Doodle a Day) fun that December brings (starts tomorrow, or any day you can join. Of course the sooner the merrier.)

More about the fourth annual HoHoDooDa later today. For now congratulations SkADaMoers! You kicked November’s butt!

And thanks again to everyone who supported us and rooted us on. You guys are winners as well. Take a badge!


5 Comments on SkADaMo 2014 Last Day!!!, last added: 12/2/2014
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12. ZOO DIARY: THANKSGIVING TURKEY's DILEMMA


ZOO DIARY –THANKSGIVING – TURKEY’s DILEMMA

 
SCENE: CITY ZOO

Thanksgiving eve. The zoo denizens are upset with the zoo directorate having not been included in the Thanksgiving celebrations

RAT

Once again, we’re not included in Thanksgiving festivities

ZEBRA

Did you really expect to? I mean, why should they? Who are we? Merely the tools in which they make money. That’s all - and how do they thank us? Closing the zoo for the day so we can’t even expect extra treats from visitors. This is so typically…human
 
SOUND: GOBBLE-GOBBLE… GOBBLE-GOBBLE….

RAT

What’s that noise?

ZEBRA

Noise? What noise? Are my stripes straight?

RAT

You don’t hear that?

ZEBRA

‘You are magnificent… Those teeth…those sparkling eyes…’

RAT

Maybe if you’d get your face away from that mirror and stop admiring yourself…

ZEBRA

A person has to make sure that he looks good from every angle. Being the sole representative of the zebra specie in this zoo comes with a responsibility. A daily body examination is necessary to ensure that all my black stripes are evenly spaced on my perfectly white skin. ‘Yesssss! Perfection personified!’

RAT

Far be it to burst your bubble, Zeeb…

ZEBRA

…I am not zeeb - or zebby - or zeeby-baby. I’m a zebra. Z-E-B-R-A!

RAT

Gotcha Zebby-boy – like I was sayin’ – the way that I see it, the stripe on your upper right leg doesn’t well…match the left

 ZEBRA

What?! You must be mistaken. It’s not possible… How could this be? I just checked it not two minutes ago and it was perfectly aligned

(MANNY, the boa constrictor slithers in)

Hey – how ‘ya doin’?

RAT

Manny – you’re out. Free. Did you eat lunch, yet?

ZEBRA

Yes Manny – I do hope they’ve fed you some nourishment. I mean, it’s important to keep up your strength. We don’t want you slithering around hungry looking for anybody, heh-heh…

RAT

That’s the last thing we want…being that we’re your friends and all…that is to say, we don’t want you to experience hunger pangs…

MANNY

As I remember, I had a nibble a month ago. Sure is quiet around here. No humans to knock on the glass of my enclosure

NOISE: GOBBLE-GOBBLE  GOBBLE-GOBBLE…

RAT

There it is again. Sounds familiar-like…

(a turkey suddenly drops down from a tree)

TURKEY

Save me!

ZEBRA

A tree chicken. Never knew chickens live in trees.

TURKEY

I am a turkey who requires sanctuary

RAT

Listen chicken…

TURKEY

…turkey…I am – um – an endangered specie. Yes – that’s it and am declaring myself on the extinct list thus requiring sanctuary

ZEBRA

You must be someone important judging by your extensive vocabulary. All cultured and important species have an extensive vocabulary – and a beautiful body, of course

 TURKEY

I am. In fact, I can state with absolute knowledge that I am number one on everyone’s hit list, today

MANNY
(slithering closer)

Well I for one, believe you. You do look very appealing – in an endangered species way of course

RAT

Wish we could help, turkey, but we live out in the open

ZEBRA

I could send a protest letter to the Zoos of America if that could assist you in any way

TURKEY

I am doomed!

MANNY
(slithering almost directly in front of TURKEY)

Well turkey – really feel for you, in the true sense of the word. I just happen to live inside in a huge glass enclosure that has lots of hiding places.  Why don’t you come back to my pit and check things out? I live alone and there’s nobody to bother or see us

TURKEY
That’s a very generous offer on your part –

MANNY

-          Manny –

TURKEY

Manny

MANNY

Anything for a friend in need.

(the two start to make their way to MANNY’s place)

(cont’d.) Did anyone ever tell you that you have a beautiful, full body. I bet under all those feathers, you have nice firm flesh

TURKEY

The farmer takes good care of me. You can see for yourself when we get back to your pit.

 MANNY

Oh I intend to

TURKEY

Can I give you a hug?

MANNY

Later…when we’re alone…they’ll be plenty of hugging to go around…

0 Comments on ZOO DIARY: THANKSGIVING TURKEY's DILEMMA as of 11/26/2014 9:48:00 PM
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13. SkADaMo 2014 Day 21

catfishes

A pretty obvious one, but hey…

Wondering what SkADaMo is, check this out.


6 Comments on SkADaMo 2014 Day 21, last added: 11/26/2014
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14. SkADaMo 2014 Day 20

jeerkat

What is SkADaMo? Check this out.


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15. Scenes from Life: a Short Playette. Mr. and Mrs. Everybody At Home

THE MYSTERY OF THE SOCKS


SCENE: THE KITCEN OF MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY. MRS. EVERYBODY IS LOADING THE DISHWASHER

AT RISE: MR. EVERYBODY ENTERS THE KITCHEN CARRYING HIS SOCKS


MR. EVERYBODY
What's wrong with these socks?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Just a sec - I'm loading the dishwasher...this new dish set we bought is too large. Takes up too much space...

MR. EVERYBODY
You had to have them, remember?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Excuse me? May I remind you that you also were very anxious for me to get them 'cause they were on sale. Why are you holding two socks? Are you making hand puppets? 'Get...in...there...dishes...or...you're...gonna...feel...so...sorry...'

MR. EVERYBODY
Like I said before, what's wrong with these socks?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Just another sec...let me start the dishwasher. Okay. Now you have my full attention. So I see two socks...navy blue to be exact. Look to be your size. I'll go out on a limb and say that they're yours Oh look! I made a play on words. Out on a limb...sock...leg... Get it?

MR. EVERYBODY
You should get your own comedy show. Now take a good look at them. Come closer. What do you see now?

MRS. EVERYBODY
What do I get if I give you the right answer?

MR. EVERYBODY
Stop with the snarky remarks and look closely at them

MRS. EVERYBODY
Here - hand them over. Okay. Like I said before, "a" pair of socks. Should I be look for something else? Are they socks from outer space?

MR. EVERYBODY
Do you notice something...off, perhaps?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Hmmm...can't say that I do... The left one is worn out a bit at the toe?

MRS. EVERYBODY
(holding up a sock in each hand)
Now what do you see?

MRS. EVERYBODY
One sock in the left hand and another in the right. What's this big mystery?

MR. EVERYBODY
How about the size of both of them?

MRS. EVERYBODY
I dunno...you take a size 10 shoe. I'll go out on a limb here and say that those socks, those very socks are size 10. Can we stop playing quiz show and get to the heart - or toe in this case - of the sock issue?

MR. EVERYBODY
You're right that these socks are navy blue but something is off

MRS. EVERBODY
Of course! You're barefoot. Put them back on and the mystery is solved.

MR. EVERYBODY
Getting closer to the point I'm trying to make. What do you think would happen if I put them back on?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Your feet would be warm? I dunno!

MR. EVERYBODY
Here - let me show you

(MR. EVERYBODY puts socks on his feet)

(Cont'd.) Now what do you see?

MRS EVERYBODY
Uh-huh...I see now... One of your legs has shrunk. That happens in old age.

MR. EVERYBODY
Not! They do not match. Not partners. Single socks. Looking for mates. Get the picture?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Now I see what this is all about. You know - your pant legs cover up the socks. Nobody knows and I can assure you I won't tell

MR. EVERYBODY
That's not the point. Somewhere in the sock drawer...

MRS. EVERYBODY
...or sock bag. There are a lot of single socks looking for a partner...

MR. EVERYBODY
You mean, there could be a matching sock to this one? Last week I wore a black sock on the left foot and a blue one on the right

MRS. EVERYBODY
I'm sure nobody noticed. Did anyone say anything?

MR. EVERYBODY
They were probably too polite to mention anything especially since I was wearing a grey suit at the time!

MRS. EVERYBODY
These things do happen. You should check more carefully next tme

MR. EVERYBODY
"I" should check?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Uh-oh! Darn dishwasher is acting up again. Sounds like somebody is playing a set of drums. When are you gonna call a repair guy? The neighbor upstairs is gonna complain again and there she goes, right on time! 'Okay Mrs. Bud-inski! I know!' I better go upstairs and calm the poor woman down.

MR. EVERYBODY
What about the sock situation?

MRS. EVERYBODY
What about it? Why don't you go take a look in the sock bag in the cupboard and maybe you'll get lucky and find your sock's mate. Then they can live happily ever after

MR. EVERYBODY
The last time you went up to calm down Mrs. Bud-inkski, you disappeared for a couple of hours

MRS. EVERYBODY
Is it my fault she makes yummy strawberry cheese cake and buys off my silence?

NEXT TIME: AT THE MALL: THE EVERYBODYS' LOOK FOR A PARKING SPOT


0 Comments on Scenes from Life: a Short Playette. Mr. and Mrs. Everybody At Home as of 11/24/2014 10:08:00 PM
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16. Ripley’s Fun Facts & Silly Stories 3: An Interview with Ripley Publishing

In this interview, we discuss Fun Facts & Silly Stories 3, the third title in the Ripley’s Believe It or Not® successful Fun Facts and Silly Stories series.

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17. Ripley’s Fun Facts & Silly Stories 3 | Dedicated Review

The third title in the Ripley’s Believe It or Not® successful Fun Facts and Silly Stories series is here: Ripley’s Fun Facts and Silly Stories 3.

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18. Fun Facts & Silly Stories: The Big One!: An Interview with Ripley Publishing

As the world authority on all that is unbelievable, we're supper excited to chat with Ripley Publishing, an arm of Ripley Entertainment Inc. and the owner of the internationally famous trademark Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

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19. How Are You?

The most disingenuous three words in the English language. Unless you are the ultimate cynic and cast your lot with I love you. I hope that’s not the case.

Do we ever mean it when we ask? Really? When is the last time you passed someone in the hall and said “how are you” and truly wanted to take the time to know how they were? I’ll bet it’s been a while.

I’m not holier than thou. I say it all the time and rarely care. If some slick gunslinger is quicker on the draw than me, I even add the oft-disregarded, “I am well, and you?” Of course, I don’t want to know.

Until yesterday.

I get these wild hairs – often they involve really stupid things, but this one actually had redeeming potential. I decided to spend my lunch hour in the lobby of my building asking people I saw, “How are you?” and giving them available time and a proper interest to see if they would answer.

Most people don’t stop long enough to notice my disarming voice beckoning them to unburden themselves. The first seven I asked kept moving and gave the appropriate return without so much as an upward glance.

I don’t believe that anyone is “fine” like these seven told me. Pawn your lies and rote responses elsewhere.

Fine

Number eight seemed to think I had serious mental problems and eyed me warily while reaching into her purse for either a small handgun or pepper spray. Needless to say I decided against an elevator ride with this charmer. “I’ll take the next one, Bonnie Parker.”

You can trap the elderly.

In walked a slow, older gentleman. Number nine. He began scanning the directory and seemed somewhat confused.

“How are you?” I asked in a very welcoming and reassuring tone.

“I’m fine young man, just fine,” he replied. Something was different, though. Before he spoke, he turned and made eye contact.

He was rather unkempt, smelled like my high school gym teacher, and had a thick bushel of hair growing out of each nostril. But he smiled warmly. In fact, he smiled all over… an infectious smiled that started at his lips, slowly ran through his eyes and worked its way off his person and onto me. I liked this old dude.

“Say, would you know where the office of Litton & Driscoll is located,” he asked.

“I think that’s on the fourth floor.”

He patted me gently on the chest with some paperwork he had rolled into a tube, like a kid’s telescope. “Thank you, friend.”

“Don’t mention it.” Judging from his demeanor, this might be my first victim who actually was okay. He might just be fine. I had to be certain, though. “Are you sure you are fine?”

He looked at me long whilst I returned my best, biggest, dopiest smile.

“Well, I am headed up to settle my wife’s affairs. So, if you want an honest answer, I suppose I’m not fine.”

Oh boy…  Panic!   In over my head…  I thought I would learn about a foot ailment… or a wayward kitten. Not this. Why am I so stupid? All of me wanted to say, “I’m fine, and you?” But I got myself into this.

“I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine.”

“You married?”

“Yes, sir. For 22 years now.”

“Seem young for that.”

I really liked this old dude.

“How long were you married?”

“Fifty-three years last August….”

And so began a wonderful story of love and loss.

You know what? I’m glad I asked. In fact, I’m going to break the habit of asking when I don’t care. From now on, I will only ask, “how are you” if I have time and interest in the answer. Try it yourself. Better yet, come join Joseph and me for coffee tomorrow morning and see that infectious smile.


Filed under: Learned Along the Way

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20. The Chicken Squad: The First Misadventure by Doreen Cronin

The Chicken Squad: The First MisadventureJ. J. Tully certainly stays busy these days. One would think a retired search-and-rescue dog could laze around the yard and enjoy a peaceful afternoon nap. However, J. J. does not know that luxury. Sugar, Poppy, Dirt, and Sweetie make up the Chicken Squad and they always keep things interesting. These four fuzzy little chicks are constantly getting into mischief and it’s J. J.’s job to keep them out of trouble.

It seems like a normal day for the Chicken Squad until Tail the squirrel dashes into the chicken coop with a huge dilemma. Tail has seen something in the yard that is BIG and SCARY! What could this big and scary thing be? The chicks try to get more information from Tail but it is an extremely difficult task as the squirrel keeps fainting from being scared. Will the chicks learn what this big, scary object is and protect everyone in the yard? The Chicken Squad is certainly up to the task!

This is a comical delight for young children who are beginning to read longer books. The black and white illustrations by Kevin Cornell enhance the story by perfectly depicting the range of zany emotions that each character experiences. The drawings are also paced throughout the story to break up the text for readers just starting with chapter books. If you enjoy these wacky chicks you can read more about them in their next adventure called The Case of the Weird Blue Chicken, or check out some of their previous escapades in the J. J. Tully Mysteries.

Posted by: Katie


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21. SkADaMo 2014 Day 17

quackoon use

Not unlike a platypus, but ya know…


0 Comments on SkADaMo 2014 Day 17 as of 11/21/2014 4:00:00 AM
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22. SkADaMo 2014 Day 18

stink 2


6 Comments on SkADaMo 2014 Day 18, last added: 11/24/2014
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23. 7 Underwear Books for Kids: Including One Big Pair of Underwear

Laura Gehl is the author of One Big Pair of Underwear, illustrated by Tom Lichtenheld, which released in September. There are a number of underwear books for kids... Read the rest of this post

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24. SkADaMo 2014 Day 19

Gobbull

Ok, I know, I know… I’m reaching now. So, here ya go, a feeble attempt to keep with the holiday theme.

What is SkADaMo? Check it out here.


8 Comments on SkADaMo 2014 Day 19, last added: 11/26/2014
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25. Ripley’s Fun Facts & Silly Stories: The Big One! | Dedicated Review

Fun Facts & Silly Stories: The Big One! is the newest addition to Ripley’s successful Fun Facts and Silly Stories series. Each of the pages in this massive new collection of bizarre truths is loaded with information primed to capture the attention of every child out there.

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