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Have you ever envisioned Game of Thrones as a musical? Coldplay, a seven-time Grammy Award winning band, put on this hilarious show in honor of the Red Nose Day USA.
The video embedded above features appearances from several of the HBO series’ cast members such as Kit Harington, Emilia Clarke, and Peter Dinklage. Thus far, it has drawn more than 7.7 million views on YouTube.
Some of the numbers featured in this project include “Rastafarian Targaryen” (sung by The Khaleesi herself), “Wildling” (a Jon Snow performance for Ygritte), and “Still Goin’ Strong” (a tune belted out by Tyrion Lannister). What’s your favorite song from this project? (via BuzzFeed)
Even though I have a plastic watering container, for whatever reason, punching holes in the lid of a large, empty juice container seemed like a good idea. This got me thinking - one of those "what if" moments: what if everyone reading this decided to do the same and pursue our creation on the "Shark Tank" TV program for financial backing! Would it fly?
SCENE: SET OF “SHARK TANK” TV SERIES. A FEMALE, FOLLOWED BY A LARGE GROUP OF MALES AND FEMALES HOLDING JUICE CONTAINERS, ENTERS. THE FOUR “SHARKS” STUDY HER WHILE MAKING NOTES.
VOICE OVER: “NEXT ON SHARK TANK, A GARDENING AFIENCIENADO WHO HAS COME UP WITH AN INNOVATIVE ALTERNATIVE TO A STORE-BOUGHT WATERING DEVICE. SHE’S ASKING FOR $50,000 FOR 30% EQUITY Hello moneyed sharks! My name is blah-blah and I’ve come up with an inventive and cheap alternative to the watering can. When it comes to buying gardening tools, most gardeners head to their local gardening outlet to buy their equipment. Chances are that you or your maid or whoever takes care of buying grocery supplies buy the larger sized juice containers being more economical (sharks all shake their heads in agreement and take more notes). Once the container is empty, it’s tossed in the recycling pile. But wait a minute! Don’t do that! It can be recycled again.MARK CUBAN Who are all those people you brought with you?FEMALE INVENTOR They’re the CYBER FRIENDS OF FACEBOOK group who are my strongest supporters. They’re also big fans of Shark TankKEVIN O’LEARY Yuck! Juice spilled on my very expensive tie. If you can’t wash out your invention before bringing it here… I’m…FEMALE INVENTOR Wait! Let me elucidate this great concept that’s akin to reinventing the wheel!MARK CUBAN What is this? Says here in my notes that this is about juice containers. Now you’re talking about a new wheel? Give her a chance, Mark. So why exactly have you come to us for big bucks? Are you asking us to fund a juice container with wheels? I don’t get it… FEMALE INVENTOR (visibly nervous) Honestly? All I see there is a used juice container. Maybe this isn’t for me… Okay. I got it together now. Time is marching on, lady. Get on with your pitch! As I was saying…I was about to throw an orange juice container in the recycling pile and suddenly – you know – one of those eureka moments – I get the urge to punch holes in the lid, which I did… …this is painful. So big deal! Anybody can do that! Next! …filled it up with water and then used it to water my flower boxes. No splashing and the perfect system for a gentle watering of plants So let’s see this container of yours I’ve only brought one sample. If you can pass it along… We have to share one lousy juice container and it’s sticky with juice residue You should’a brought enough for all of us and Kevin is right. The least you could have done is wash the juice container All I see is five holes in a lid of a juice container. Anybody… No everybody who buys juice can do that. I’m out Maybe this has potential and maybe it doesn’t. Tell you what I’m gonna do because they don’t call me Mr. Wonderful for nothing. I’ll give you $500 for a 75% equity. That’s more than fair I don’t know…what do you think, people? (she turns and asks the large group of people with her holding juice containers. They shake their heads indicating approval) Better hurry up and decide whether to take my offer. Your only offer Um…I don’t know what to do… (large group of people chant, “take it, take it…”(cont’d. FEMALE INVENTOR) As much as I thank you for your support, I have to decline your offer (laughing) You made a big mistake, lady. Next!KEVIN O’LEARY You are nothing to me! A cockroach looking for leftovers in the juice of life…or something. Leave and take your container with you BARBARA CORCORON Kevin – must you always philosophize when someone tells you and your offer to take a hike? You could be more charitableKEVIN O’LEARY And lose my reputation as Mr. Wonderful?FEMALE INVENTOR FOLLOWED BY HER GROUP LEAVE, DROPPING THE CONTAINERS IN THE TRASH AS THEY WALK OUT
Have you ever pictured Tyrion Lannister as a singer? Entertainment Weekly reports that actor Peter Dinklage crooned a tune recounting the demise of several Game of Thrones characters.
The video embedded above features Dinklage singing about Eddard “Ned” Stark, Robb Stark, and Joffrey Baratheon. The Golden Globe winner gave this performance in honor of the Red Nose Day fundraising campaign. (via The Hollywood Reporter)
SCENE: A BUSY SUPERMARKET.
AT RISE: A LONG LINE UP OF PEOPLE WAIT TO PAY FOR THEIR GROCERIES.
Would you believe how slow this cashier is? I probably could check out myself faster
They should open more cashes They need more cashiers. Can’t open more cashes without cashiers. Only three on a holiday weekend doesn’t do it So true. I mean, you would think that they would have thought of that. I hate waiting
Who likes it
(female customer searches the line ups) I just moved over here from the other line. This one looks like it was moving faster but now the other one is better. Always happens. Wherever I move, the other lines are faster From what I can see, there are hardly any people in the first cash
(they both look over to check it out)
That’s only for eight items or less. I’ve got a lot more than that Maybe they would take you being that they’re so busy everywhere Don’t like to take advantage, not to mention that the customers with just a few items get really upset when you try to push in with a full shopping cart. Can't say I blame them. Tried that a while back and everyone turned on me. “Are you blind?” they all yelled, pointing to the 8 items or less sign accompanied by insults. Wasn’t worth it – very embarrassing. Anyway, I’d lose my place here in line. Hey…you wouldn’t be trying to move up faster in the line here… Just trying to be helpful Why don’t you try your luck at the first cash? Maybe you'll be luckier I’ll wait my turn. You were complaining Actually, I was talking to myself and you overheard me Sorry to butt in your private conversation with yourself
Merely pointing out to myself that they need more cashiers
And I agreed. No ulterior motive intended
Sorry - I tend to get impatient in line ups. Here we want to give them our hard-earned cash and we have to wait to hand it over. Not that I would ever want to be a cashier...
(Throws her head back and looks at ceiling) Would you believe? Now they’re counting cash! This means another five minute delay at least
Nothing we can do about it Why, why does this always happen to me? Why couldn’t they have waited until they finished checking out my food items first? A conspiracy for sure. Relax – getting all worked up won’t make things work faster On top of it all, they’ve put new cashiers on a day like today. I mean, really. Okay, they have to learn but today? Good - finished their cash count. Only one person in front of us, now. Should be out of here in five…maybe ten minutes at the most, for sure. I’ll just get ready to place my items here on the counter…they have some good specials today… I don’t believe it!
Would you believe? There’s no price on some of her items and now they have to do a price check! That’s gonna put us back an extra ten minutes for sure. Is there no end to keep us customers waiting forever? (addresses customer in front of her) ‘Excuse me, but why didn’t you check your items before throwing them into your shopping cart? We've been waiting here for over fifteen minutes, y’know! Some of us have things to do, places to go.’
(male customer moves over to new cash that opens up)
(cont’d.) Hey! I was in front of you You were and now I’m in front of you, first in line. You snooze – you lose. Patience is a virtue
Leslie and Paul Spell, the owners of the Humble Heart Farms, are hosting an essay contest. This Alabama-based couple will award their 20-acre property and 85 goats to the winner.
Here’s more from Mashable.com: “The Spells are asking each entrant to pay a $150 submission fee, and said they hope to get 2,500 entries in all, which would total $375,000. This amount will be used to pay off the rest of their mortgage, while $20,000 will be given to the contest winners, according to the Spells. What’s more, the couple said they’ll train anyone who isn’t experienced in making goat cheese.”
Writers should to submit a 200-word (or less) piece. A deadline has been set for October 1st at 11:59:59 p.m. Central Time. Follow this link to read all the rules.
Sharing the first scene of my first play, "A WEDDING" a.k.a. "MAKE ME A WEDDING." A comedy, the story focuses on the trials and tribulations of a young couple who want a small, intimate wedding, versus the bride and groom's mothers, who want an all-out, no holds barred (expensive) affair.
In this opening scene, the bride announces her engagement to her parents.
SETTING: Greenberg family living room. Plastic slip-covers cover, kitschy French-provincial furniture, circa 1970’s. On either side of the couch are two end tables with drop “crystal” lamps on each table AT RISE: A tense MORTY GREENBERG paces, stopping periodically to glance out of a window.SADIE his wife, sits in an armchair, absorbed in her knitting. She glances up from time-to-time to watch MORTY
Five minutes later than the last time you asked me. Stop pacing already or you'll wear a hole in the carpet. It's thin enough as it is
What could they be doing in the middle of the night?
Counting toothpicks in a restaurant. What's it your business? She needs your permission to stay out late?
What'll the neighbors think?
Oh pul-l-eeze! Get a life. They'll talk no matter what she does or doesn't do and what they don't know, they make up. Sit down and watch TV
I can't focus knowing that my daughter is out there – somewhere - doing who-knows-what. Maybe we should go search for her or better yet, call the police
Not! If we brought her up right, she's okay. You stay up and wait for her if you want but I'm going to bed
Don't you wanna be here when she comes in?
Why? She doesn't know the way to her room? Come to bed, Morty! Some mother you are. What happens if… if they were in an accident or something? Maybe they're injured and can't call us Maybe the cell phone got crushed along with the car… …and maybe you should get a life? I'm staying up and waiting for her like a good father, unlike other people who are more interested in their beauty rest. Like it'll help anyway… I can’t take it anymore! I’m calling the police Enough already! Really Morty, she’s 22 years old. Sit here if you want to but I gotta get some sleep Sure, go to bed and leave me all alone to wait for your daughter
How come she’s “your daughter” when she does things that you don't like? Besides, I'm sure David is taking good care of her
Move away from that window or the neighbors will think you're a voyeur! Did I mention Becky's daughter got engaged last night? Don't think she didn't rub it in about the big diamond that her Joanie got. Two carats she tells me! Like the size of a diamond would interest me!
Of course not! Things like that aren't important to a person with your class. You materialistic? Never!
It's what's inside a person’s heart that counts, not the size of a bank account. That's what I told Becky. Honestly, that woman is so money-oriented! I don't know how we stayed best friends all these years Are you telling me that you’d hold it against a potential husband for your daughter, if he was cash-friendly?
Let me put it this way: if and I say if, the boy happens to come from a wealthy family, I wouldn’t hold it against him. I'm not prejudiced that way. Listen, I get dark circles under my eyes if I don’t get enough sleep
“And you need all the help you can get!” Dark circles aren't her only problem. The woman needs a complete head transplant. Where's that daughter of mine?
MORTY rushes to chair and feigns sleep
'Don't forget to call me the minute you get home! Mom will be thrilled when I tell her our news. Wave to Mrs. Belinsky across the road, the nosy busybody. I love you, David!'
Hi popsy. Wha'cha doin' up so late? Are you waiting up for me again?
Wha…hmmm..? Must'a fallen asleep in front of the TV. What time is it?
What am I going to do with you, pops? Where's mom? Your mother was tired so she went upstairs. She was knitting me another one of her scarves to join the other sixteen stored away in the closet. When will she realize that I only have one neck? Where were you so late? I was under the impression I can come home whenever I feel like it – at least that’s what you tell me What'll the neighbors think, a nice girl like you coming in at the crack of dawn? Would you prefer that I move out altogether and you won’t have to worry about what everyone will say? Let them mind their own business for a change
It's a lot to ask to call home and say you're alive?
Can we move on? I have something important to tell you both. Better still, go wake up mom. She'll wanna hear this
Something is wrong! I knew it! I told your mother that she should wait up but did she listen? Noooo! Her beauty rest is more important
Why do you always think the worst? It just so happens that this is fantastic news and mom will be thrilled when she hears what I have to say
Dances around room, waving her left hand
D'ya notice anything new – like - on my left hand?
You changed the color of your nail polish? Whoa! That’s new since breakfast? You do know what this means… A miracle! At last there's gonna be another male in the family and I'll have a chance at winning an argument, for a change! I didn't expect that kind of reaction but I'll take it as a sign you approve?
What's not to approve? The groom to be is David?
Who else? You know we've been seeing each other seriously and there's never been anyone else in my life, nor will there ever be. He's the most wonderful, sensitive, romantic…
And those are just his so-so qualities. Only joking, honey. He's a good guy and normal, unlike some of those other weirdos you brought home to us. I still break out in a sweat thinking about - what was his name now - Clifford? What kind’a person tattoos the name of his girlfriend on his forehead and God knows where else?
That was just a high school crush, pop and besides, I kind’a thought it was romantic at the time
Sure you would 'cause you're not a parent - yet. Let’s see now - who came next? What did he call himself - Pukey? Porky? And then there was…
I get your point, popsy
Remember your first rock concert? I couldn't hear for three days and never told your mother. Let me tell you - it was bliss! So? I'm still waiting for congratulations and a kiss My little girl - a bride! That means I’m old. I’ve never been old before How 'bout go get mom so I can share the good news with her, too? You want me to go wake up sleeping beauty? If I disturb her beauty rest, she'll open up a mouth to me but if I don't… Be right back
‘Whad'ya doing? Lemme alone Morty. I'm tired! It's not Saturday night…go watch another program or something. What about Rachel? Are you talking about our daughter,…. Get me my duster in the cupboard! The other one! That's for the rummage sale. Do you ever look at what I wear?’
SADIE rushes on stage followed by MORTY
Rachel, is this another of your father's senior moments?
It's about time! Looks like a decent sized diamond. Must be - what - a carat at least? Bigger maybe? David surprised me with it tonight. We don't want a long engagement so you won't have to plan a big party You're both so young. What's the big rush? They've been going out for five years! D'ya want she should be an old maid like your sister Miranda? I'm so excited! Becky's Joanie got engaged yesterday so she only beat you by one day! This isn't a contest as far as I'm concerned. We want to get married in three months
A summer wedding would be perfect, don'cha think? Maybe we could have it under a tent, in the back garden, just like those fancy society weddings. Mind you, indoors might be better in case of rain, but we have plenty of time to talk about the details
Did you hear what I said? We wanna get married in –like -three months
Come again? I gotta get my ears checked 'cause I thought I heard you say three months Your ears are fine, ma, and even if - and I say if - we wanted a garden wedding, pops has his old cars stored on the lawn, along with a thousand spare parts covering every square inch Listen, you want a reception in the back yard, I'll move everything into the garage… It has to be at that time because David's been invited to be a keynote speaker at a big lawyer's convention in Europe, so we'll make it a working honeymoon. It's the only time we're both free …maybe call a few scrap dealers today to see what they'll give me. At least we'll have a couple of extra dollars towards the wedding expenses… Typical! Your father is worrying about the gelt, already! You expect we should get everything together in such a short time? It takes a year at least to reserve a place and even then, we have to talk to a caterer, get a band… …then again maybe I should keep them all. 'Ya never know when my car is gonna die on me. It's going on nine years already
There’s something else I haven't told you. We want a small wedding with just close friends and family, so there shouldn't be any problems with the arrangements
Grabs chest, feigns shock and grabs MORTY for support
Do I hear right? You would deprive your parents of making you a big tra-la-la-wedding? I think I'm gonna faint. Catch me Morty!
We'd rather put everything towards important things like buying a house. You should be happy with all the money you’re gonna save Happy? You're gonna kill me! What'll I tell my friends? They'll think we're too cheap or can't afford to marry off our only daughter right! You can't do this to me Rachel! Sorry? It's our wedding and we want to keep it small. The idea of inviting a lot of people we don't know is not for us! I'm really tired and not prepared to hash this out with you now. We'll continue tomorrow when I'm fresh and can think clearly. At least I'll have a fighting chance Stay right where you are! I wanna hear all about how David proposed. This is what a mother waits for! I promise to tell you everything only let me get a couple of hours of sleep. Please? Let her go to bed, Sadie. The kind of wedding you want will put us back a few dollars. I like the idea that the kids are thinking small. Small is good You would, Mr. Cheap-skate! I'm sure David's family would want a decent-sized affair, too. Open up your pockets father-of-the-bride and let the moths fly out! Small wedding - over my dead body
I've heard enough for one night. Enjoy yourselves, you two!
You don't get it, do you? A big wedding means nice gifts. Have a small wedding and you end up with a bunch of fruit bowls and vases As far as I know, the only green growing on our trees are leaves. I have to worry about the cost if you don't What's money when you're marrying off your only child? Dear, dear, husband of mine, you should keep your nose out of things that aren't your business. Planning a wedding is a woman's affair. The husband only writes the checks
0 Comments on First scene of A WEDDING as of 5/6/2015 7:45:00 PM
Below is my review of Jon Agee's Terrific as it appeared in the April 1, 2015 issue of School Library Journal. The review was slightly edited from my original. I didn't refer to Eugene as "the boy." Eugene is definitely not a boy, as you can see by the cover illustration. ;)
AGEE, JON. Terrific. 1 CD. 7 min. Dreamscape. 2014. $14.99. ISBN
PreK-Gr 2--Eugene's life follows Murphy's Law--if something can go wrong, it will. And when inevitable misfortune falls, Eugene's favorite expression is a sarcastic, "Terrific." So, it's no surprise that when
Eugene's cruise ship sinks, all the passengers (except Eugene) are rescued, and he finds himself on a deserted island with a talking parrot. "Terrific," says Eugene. Narrator Kirby Heyborne plays the resigned, older, and long-suffering Eugene perfectly with a mix of sarcasm and fatigue, and creates a suitably squawking voice for the take-charge parrot who will change his attitude. Sound effects including boat horns, construction din, and ocean waves complement the story. Though listeners will miss Agee's humorous illustrations, the CD includes a fun musical version of "Terrific," sung by Heyborne with music by the Promise Makers. The lyrics are slightly modified from the text to fit the upbeat rhythm and rhyme scheme of the song, but stay true to the original story. VERDICT Purchase this one for sharing with school or storytime groups, one with a copy of the print book.--
Copyright © 2015 Library Journals, LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc.
Reprinted with permission.Listen to an excerpt from Terrific here.
Have you ever envisioned a Black Widow movie? Scarlett Johansson, the actress who has played this character in several Marvel movies, teamed up with the Saturday Night Live cast to explore this project idea.
The video embedded above features the hilarious spoof trailer for a fake film called Black Widow: Age of Me. Marvel Entertainment has many projects in the pipeline, but unfortunately none of them focus solely on the deadly female assassin Natasha Romanova.
Archie Comics and Syfy are partnering together for a crossover project called Archie vs. Sharknado. This special comic book and the third Sharknado movie (Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!) will both be released on July 22nd.
Sharknado trilogy director Anthony C. Ferrante wrote the story. Famed artist Dan Parent created the artwork.
Here’s more from the press release: “Just when Archie and the gang think they can kick back and enjoy a few months of beaches, naps and sun, they’re faced with a storm of sharknados – heading straight for their hometown of Riverdale.
Archie and his friends have to battle the incoming pop culture storm as it creeps up the “Feast” coast to Riverdale – and then try to save what’s left of their hometown. Who lives? Who dies? Read the book!”
Blog: A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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SCENE: DEN IN THE EVERYBODY HOUSEHOLD.
AT RISE: MRS. EVERYBODY IS HAVING AN IMPORTANT CHAT WHILE MR. EVERYBODY IS READING A NEWSPAPER
Why? Why must you torture me like this? What did I ever do to deserve this treatment other than heap undying love and devotion to your upkeep?
(MR. EVERYBODY glances up and returns to reading his book)
You seem to be dying slowly right in front of my eyes and I'm at a loss how to save you
You talking to me?
Fed you top of the line nutritional supplements and this is the thanks I get
I appreciate your cooking, honey. You make fantastic meals and really, I'm in great shape
You are not aging well, sweetheart
(gets up to examine himself in the mirror on the wall behind him)
For the record, I'm in better condition now than I was when we married. Sure there's a few extra inches on my stomach but that's due to your good cooking. Work out on the tread mill...
I fear it's time for us to part, sweetheart. You are halfway between this world and the next
Say what? Is it something I said?
You've given me a lot of pleasure over the years. Your nightly performance kept me riveted and it's something I will cherish all my life
Hey! There's still a lot of life left in this body! Is there somebody else? I can change, y'know!
(MRS. EVERYBODY turns around and stares at her husband)
It's just so hard to say goodbye! Did you say something?
You never said a word. I deserve to know who's the new love of your life!
Say what? What are you babbling about?
You're leaving me!
Are you insane? You thought that... That is really funny
There is nothing funny about being informed that your wife is leaving your for someone else. It's always the husband that is the last to know
Husband of mine - I was talking to my prayer plant here that is slowly croaking after 40 years and I'm about to replace her with a new one
How was I supposed to know? There was only you and me in the room and I never guessed you were talking to a...a... house plant
I've raised this houseplant from a small little stalk. Fed her...coddled her...and she gave me years of pleasure but lately she seems to have taken a turn for the worst. The writing is on the wall...or in this case, in all those brown leaves.
A plant is a plant is a plant. Don't know what the big thing is. Just empty the pot and replace it with a new one. Simple
How could you be so cruel and callous! You just can't...discard it like it that!
I dunno. Never bothers you to do that with your clothes
Besides, I read an article that said plants can sense pain and they react to it. How could I betray my friend after all the years we've been together? I feel like a killer! I feel like I'd be ripping out her guts and tearing her apart
Not that I pretend to feel what you feel but check this out
(MR. EVERYBODY shows her a page of the newspaper)
What's this? The Plant-a-atrium is having a sale on houseplants?
(turns to look at plant and at newspaper ad)
(MRS. EVERYBODY cont'd.) 'Parting is such sweet sorrow my formerly green friend. Go meet your other friends in the composter! Do not think badly of me for I shall remember you with great fondness.' I'm ready.
To make new friends at the Plant-a-atrium, silly! We all gotta go some time. I mean, it's just a silly plant for heaven's sake...
People throughout human history have invented a great number of deities from Zeus to Odin to Allah. One creative has decided to put a new spin on the book of Genesis by replacing every reference to the name God with that of controversial hip hop star Kanye West.
The Etsy shop owner behind “the Book of Yeezus” calls his “novelty coffee-table book” a “Bible for the New Age.” Each unit sells for $20.00.
Here’s more about the item: “In a sense, Kanye’s awesome and orchestrated spectacle is truly a religious experience. In a foreword, we explore our consumerist, quick-fix, and information-culture, and celebrate Kanye and the outsized significance he plays in our lives. All of this, bound in a black, hard-cover gold-leaf imprinted book.” (via The Hollywood Reporter)
Have you ever played a high stakes game of musical chairs? The Sesame Street gang stars in a Game of Thrones-themed parody called “Game of Chairs.”
The video embedded above has drawn more than 177,000 views. It features a quartet of competitors who are all vying to be the supreme monarch of Jesteros.
Everybody Loves Raymond actor Brad Garrett announced the release of his first book.
Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, will publish When the Balls Drop on May 5th. In the video embedded above, Garrett reveals some of the topics he explores in his essays: “middle age,” “mid-life crisis,” and “erectile dysfunction.”
According to The Hollywood Reporter, ABC may develop the content from this book into a sitcom. At the moment, “the pilot script for the single-camera comedy is being penned by Garrett and How I Met Your Mother writer Chuck Tatham. Like the book, it will examine the life of a divorced, middle-aged man trying to balance home life and work.”
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Here are two new funny additions to add to my earlier post, Picture Book Roundup - new or coming soon!
We were reading these at work the other night. All you could hear were laughs, chuckles, and "awww"s.
- Dyckman, Ame. 2015. Wolfie the Bunny. New York: Little Brown. Illustrated by Zacharia OHora.
This one had all the library staff laughing! Wolfie is the cutest little wolf in a bunny suit, but the star of this story is his sister, Dot. Doesn't anyone
else realize that a wolf does not make a good brother for a bunny? Every time I read it, I find something else amusing in the illustrations. See you at the Carrot Patch Co-op! (Bring your own shopping bag.)
- Slater, David Michael. 2015. The Boy & the Book. Watertown, MA: Charlesbridge. Illustrated by Bob Kolar.
This wordless book about a book and a "rough-and-tumble" little boy will crack you up and then make you say "Awww!" It's sure to become a librarian favorite. You'll love the blue book (but "read" them all!)
Musing for the day: How does one become a wordless picture book author? ;)
Blog: A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE. AT THE MALL SCENE: PARKING LOT OF A LARGE, BUSY MALL. BEFORE CHRISTMAS. AT RISE: MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY SEARCH FOR A PARKING PLACE Told you we should have left earlier. Now there’s wall-to-wall cars. We’re never going to find a spotMR. EVERYBODY Excuse me? Were you or were you not talking on the phone to Chloe for a good 45 minutes?MRS. EVERYBODY First of all – it wasn’t 45 minutes and second of all, we had important things to discussMR. EVERYBODY Like what? Which stores have the best prices?MRS. EVERYBODY So? Those are important things. Don’t you want me to save you money? Don’t you just love all the Christmas decorations?MR. EVERYBODY Come again? How do you figure that buying stuff saves me money? Well, take today for example. Everything in the mall, the entire mall mind you, is twenty-five percent off! This is a bigggg saving. If I hadn’t spoken to Chloe, I would never have know that. Listen – they’re playing Silver Bells over outdoor speakers. Don’cha just love that song? Puts you in a Christmas moodMR. EVERYBODY Would I be going round and round if I did? We’ve been going in circles for so long, I’m getting dizzy. You mean the “spend-spend-spend” songsMRS. EVERYBODY Try and get close to an entrance. You’re so cynicalMR. EVERYBODY You’re fussy where you want to park? Beggars can’t be choosersMRS. EVERYBODY Let me put it another way. Try not to park fifty feet away in no-mans-land. It’s cold out MR. EVERYBODY And let me make this perfectly clear. This car will turn in to wherever there’s an empty spaceMRS. EVERYBODY You could at make an effort to look MR. EVERYBODY And what am I doing now? As far as I can see, there are no empty parking spaces near a mall entrance, or anywhere else for that matter. Maybe we should just go home and forget about it…MRS. EVERYBODY Not! And miss the sale of the year? Okay. How about this. One more time around and then you can go park in Siberia like alwaysMR. EVERYBODY One more time …here we go again…MRS. EVERYBODY Stop! There’s a car pulling out. Quick – get over there or that guy is gonna grab it before usMR. EVERYBODY It’s in the next line over. I’ll have to drive around. I’ll never make it MRS. EVERYBODY Just put your foot on the gas and cut the car off!MR. EVERYBODY This is not the wild west and I have no intention of being part of a showdown. If we don’t get it – we don’t get itMRS. EVERYBODY Mr. Philosophical has spoken. Just…hurry! You’re not going fast enough! The other car is closing in from the other direction…MR. EVERYBODY You are obsessed and possessed – you do realize that, right?MRS. EVERYBODY We’re talking about a primo parking spot right near the front, no less! This is indeed our lucky day! You gotta be aggressive if you wanna grab a good place. Trust me. I know about these things.MR. EVERYBODY You and your knowledge of parking spaces wouldn’t happen to know anything about the nice scratch in the front right fender by any chance, would you? MRS. EVERYBODY I’m getting so forgetful these days. Y’see…last week, me and Chloe were here for the Fashion Flare Shop Going-Going-Gone Out of Business sale and there was a parking space and I was sure this car could fit but unfortunately, I misjudged the size of the spot against the size of the fender and like…the fender somehow ended up sliding against a cement pillar that was in my way. Why they put pillars in the middle of parking lots is a mystery, anyway. Hurry – that other car is getting ready to turn in!MR. EVERYBODY Perhaps it’s a plot by the mall to get drivers like you to scratch your fenders against them. They’re light standards, FYI. Oh well - guess it matches the scratch on the left fender… Uh-oh both our cars are there at the same time. I’ll let the other car park. Doesn’t mean that much to meMRS. EVERYBODY You’re just giving in? Hold your ground for a few minutes. Show the other car we mean business!MR. EVERYBODY We’ll go to the back of the parking lot. Plenty of space thereMRS. EVERYBODY MR. EVERYBODY What’s this world coming to? You’ll have to walk a few extra feet. I mean, really…MRS. EVERYBODY Open the window and let me speak to the driver and explain the situation. I’m sure he’ll understand and let us parkMR. EVERYBODY MRS. EVERYBODY (MRS. EVERYBODY opens the door and talks to the driver of the other car) MRS. EVERYBODY ‘Hello – it looks like we both want the same parking spot. Could I, as a fellow citizen of this planet, prevail upon you to allow us to have this precious parking spot? As you probably know, there is a twenty-five-percent off sale and I have been waiting to buy these divine shoes that have finally been reduced and gone on sale… What? Of course ... I see… Have a good day.’MRS. EVERYBODY (Cont’d.) Just drive. When something seems too good to be true, it usually isMR. EVERYBODY What happened to your convincing sales personality?MRS. EVERYBODY The woman sitting next to him has crutches. Broke her leg and ankle skiing so I couldn’t very well justify taking the spot given all the snow on the groundMR. EVERYBODY You're all heart. You do know what that means -MRS. EVERYBODY Siberia here we come… Know what? I got a great idea. Why don’t you leave me off in front of an entrance – any entrance - and park? Or better still, drive around for an hour or so and when I’m finished, I’ll call you on my cell phone and you can pick me up? Isn’t that a good idea? It’s a win-win for both of us. Right here will do…see you later…(MRS. EVERYBODY gets out of the car and heads for the mall entrance) MR. EVERYBODY (calling out of the car window) Wait a minute! Hello? You have my cell! You forgot yours at home!
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By: Mark Myers,
I consider myself a war buff. I love reading historic accounts of combat. I don’t discriminate between time period or conflict. Because of the volume of material, I have probably spent more time delving into World War 2 than any other. When I was in the Army, I drove a beat up WW 2 era Deuce-and-a-half and always wondered about its history.
Historians argue about which battle is the greatest – Waterloo, Stalingrad, Hastings, Yorktown, Thermopylae, Guadalcanal, The Battle of the Bulge, the list goes on. Like everything else in life, no one can seem to agree. When compiling such a list, the qualifiers become important. Things such as lives lost, duration, strategies, and conditions all come into play when deciding which is supreme.
It’s not that I don’t have an opinion, I’ve got plenty of those. I just don’t like to argue in general. I get distracted or flustered and lose my place like when I drop my book and reread the same pages over and over again before I figure out where I left off. Only an argument is live, verbal combat. When I lose my place, I sit there open-mouthed wondering if I look as stupid as I feel. So like everyone else on the losing side, I hone in on one point and try to drive it home even if I am totally wrong and know it.
The Baltic Sea is in New Mexico. It isn’t? I will repeat that thirty-seven times, forcing you to get out your phone and Google it, which allows me time to escape the fracas unscathed. I’m gone, therefore I win.
This leads to my opinion of the greatest battle which I believe is a conflict going on today – right now! RIGHT NOW!
You might think I am waxing philosophically about a moral or ethical conflict for the hearts and minds of people. Think again, I’m nowhere near deep enough for that. No, I am talking about the Battle of the Christmas Tree going on in my den as I type.
This battle has two combatants: The cats vs. the presents. The cats investigated the tree the minute it arrived. They united their forces and conquered it quickly. It is now their territory and they are very protective of it. The two of them alternate on watch and have made a formidable occupation force. Their confidence never waned… until the presents arrived.
As presents do, they marched in slowly but steadily. They landed through the front door and also surprised the occupiers from the garage entrance. Strange men in brown uniforms delivered them, but some were brought in by the woman-thing who seems to be working for both sides. She pets and feeds the cats, yet adds to the stack of presents assaulting from every flank. She is a crafty sort. Worse yet, she puts little ribbons on top to lull the cats from their strategic high ground. They can’t avoid the ribbons, which are almost as alluring as the ornaments with bells.
I have no idea who will win this battle. Epic is too small a word for it. The cats seem to rule the night while the presents hold the day (sounds like a Billy Joel song). It is a seesaw affair likely only resolved by the Take the Tree to the Chipper Treaty.
That landmark agreement is coming soon. Until then, may peace reign in your home unlike mine – where it appears to be an elusive dream.
Filed under: It Made Me Laugh
Blog: A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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Wrote this a while back but have done some editing and bringing it back being that it's almost Christmas.
Molly Rigby, 88, senior citizen David Grey, 20-something reporter Paul Seaton, camera man SETTING: Recreation hall of a senior's residence. A few seniors are dozing, some in wheelchairs, others are in regular chairs.
AT RISE: A reporter (DAVID) enters the room in preparation for an interview with MOLLY RIGBY, who claims to have communicated with whom she believes to be, Santa Claus
DAVID enters the room, taking notes and practicing his introduction "We're here at the Happy Hollows Seniors Home to interview resident, Molly Rigby, who claims to have been visited by old Saint Nick, himself. Come Christmas Eve, Molly has stated she will be leaving on an extended trip…” PAUL enters, holding a TV camera So…what’s the story, here? I mean, it’s Christmas Eve! Couldn’t this one have waited? Hey – it’s not my decision! The brass wants us to do a “feel-good” story and interview an old granny claiming to have met the real Santa Claus, Yeah and the tooth fairy is alive and well. Is she like…’all there’ if you get my drift?
Who knows. It's one of those seniors sleeping over there.
DAVID approaches the trio, gently shaking each woman. Um…’scuse me… Misses… Ladies…Hello? Molly? Which one of you is Molly? MOLLY stirs, sits upright Who wants to know? That a TV camera? You’re another one of those TV wisenheimer news guys! Take a hike! I’m sleeping
Really – this will only take a few minutes. The world wants – needs - to know if it’s true! Like I said – make like the wind and blow away MOLLY goes back to sleep. DAVID shakes her gently. Paul - this is the lucky lady we were discussing who’s met Santa I was having such a nice dream ‘til your friend here came along and popped it Meet Dave Grey, Molly, the reporter that's made WGMZ the number one station in the market I'm sure Molly doesn't care about those things You're like all the others. You think I’m a little ‘cuckoo’ in the ‘woo-coo.’ Well I’m not, you know! Oh ‘ye of little faith! If you’ll stand next to me right over here and we’ll do the interview…
I know what I saw and no one’s gonna tell me diff’rent. Now let me go back to sleep so’s I can be rested when he comes for me It’ll only take a few minutes and then we’ll be gone. Come on, Molly! It’s Christmas Eve! A time for miracles. Don’t you want to share your good luck with everyone? Think you're the first reporter to doubt me? I may be old and crotchety but I’m not crazy! Okay – go for it but only because you’ll be the last. Hey - watch where you put that microphone. We’ll do the interview and then we’ll be outta your hair. Really Better make it fast ‘cause I’m expecting my special visitor real soon now Guess a family member is taking you home, being that it's Christmas Eve? I suppose you could call him that being that we’re very close friends now. He’ll be coming for me in a big, big sleigh that flies faster than the speed of light. We’re gonna go up, up and fly high in the sky. Just him and me and … This special ‘friend’ of yours… would he, like… be dressed all in red with a long white beard and wearing black shiny boots and white gloves? Last time he was here, told me t’pack a couple of things for our long trip just the two of us is gonna take. and he'd be 'round to get me on Christmas Eve. Tonight is Christmas Eve, right?
This… friend of yours, would he…like…have big white wings and wear a halo or was he dressed in black and carry a big sickle… …don’t mind him. Thinks he’s funny. When did this… ‘friend’ first show up? Can we sit down? I wanna save my strength for tonight. Yeah - he first dropped in ‘bout a month ago. ‘Why me?’ I asked him. ‘Why not you’, he says. Can’t argue with that logic… How'd you know he was the real one? I mean, there are a lot of people claiming to be Santa this time of year …and y’know what else he said? ‘Molly - you never stopped believing in me.’ That’s what my friend told me., ‘Cause I believe! How do you get in touch with him? I don’t get in touch with him, silly! He sends me messages How’d I know you were gonna say that? Only I can receive his messages (points to head) – right here Oh fer… We’re wasting time. Let’s wrap up. You think I’m crazy and hear voices, don’t you? I know-what- I-know! Wanna hear how we became friends? Last Christmas Eve at this very time, I sent him a letter asking if I could go along t’help deliver toys? I mean, being that I’m 88 years of age, who knows if I’ll even be around next year so I told him in my letter that it was now or never This man…your friend answered your letter? Did it have a stamp and a post-mark? Always with the questions – and doubts. You young people can’t accept that people can be nice to each other for no reason. I didn’t bother checking for a post mark. I don’t hav’ta because - - I know. You believe. You have to admit that there are a lot of phonies running cons at this time of the year Oh ye of little faith, sonny boy! He never has asked me for anything. Not one cent! Wanna know how he introduced himself? By telephone and he asked you to make a donation to his toy campaign? Found him sitting on the end of my bed, watching Seinfeld re-runs and laughing his head off. That old fart has a good sense of humor, y’know! Suppose he has to what with all the doubters he meets. I mean - you can imagine how shocked I was t’see a stranger watchin’ TV in my room. ‘ He told you that he was Santa and you believed him? You sound like all the rest and they doubted me, too. Why wouldn’t I? You hav’ta understand that it's not everyone who gets a visit from Santa in person We almost finished, here? I’d like to make it home to open gifts with my kids Told me he was gonna take me away on his sleigh, t’stay with him...forever! Me! Molly Rigby, going t’ live with Santa Claus and his elves. I just couldn't believe it! Me neither. So, you took him up on his offer? Are you serious? Wouldn't everyone? Are you're telling me that you went for a ride with… …Santa Claus? You bet'cha your perfectly sprayed hair, I did And I suppose there were the reindeer parked on the roof, or maybe outside your bedroom window? How does an elderly lady – no disrespect intended – climb into a sleigh? I see you use a walker Somehow - and I don't know how he did it - I found myself floating in the air, right out of the window. It was one of those high tech sleighs with flashing lights… A…high…tech sleigh? Led by high tech reindeer too, I guess? Now that I think about it - their antlers did look like antennas…and the sleigh had colored flashing lights all around And was this…Santa… on the - small-ishside with a big head, large black eyes and grey-ish white skin color? Could be but then I'm color-blind. D’ya wanna meet him? Him – who? You mean, Santa? Why not? If nothing else it’ll make a good Christmas story and we can expose a holiday phony Now you hav’ta promise me that you won’t try recording us leaving. Santa doesn’t like publicity or anything. He’s a very simple, private man Yeah…course…no recording… Right Paul? Promise me you won’t! Y’a gotta promise! We’re leaving? I’m ready when you are To capture the moment that Molly, here, leaves the rest home for the North Pole
0 Comments on THE VISIT - a Christmas play-ette as of 12/23/2014 5:32:00 AM
Written by: Litsa Trachatos
Illustrated by: Virginia Johnson
Published by: Groundwood Books
Published on: October 14, 2014
This is a great, silly picture book for preschoolers that introduces animals and grammar, all while giving the reader the giggles.
Trachatos comes up with some amazingly illogical scenarios, starting with "Don't start a food fight with an octopus." Not only does the reader then have to think about that animal (hints are given on the next page) but they also get to laugh about the situation which would never happen. This is a huge deal in the preschool world, and this has been the best read aloud I have had at my library sessions in the last couple of years.
Johnson's watercolour illustrations deserve mention as well. Watercolour is a perfect medium for non-threatening depictions of threatening situations (nobody wants to find a bear in their bed!) and the simple children's faces frame the reactions to the ridiculous very well.
Highly recommended for anyone with a preschooler.
By: Karen Maxwell,
Blog: Write From Karen
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The doctor I work for actually showed me this video. We were coming back to Springfield after our out-of-town clinic last Friday and he, his PA and his nurse were talking about it. I mentioned not having seen it and Dr. M. pulled out his phone and showed me. (That sounds sort of dirty, lol).
What a cutie pie! Of course, after getting over the cuteness I would probably spank his little bottom but you have to admit, it’s pretty cute.
It won’t be so cute when he’s seven/eight though.
And you know he most likely picked up this “bargaining” power from the adults in his life. You can tell his mom is always saying, “Listen to me.”
This is a pretty terrible example to set for your child. Instead of teaching humility and responsibility, (“I’m sorry, mom. You’re right, I shouldn’t have tried to ask for cupcakes when you already told me I couldn’t have one”) it’s all about talking your way out of bad behavior.
Yes. Of course I realize he’s only three years old – you’re missing the point. Cute/funny aside, look at the big picture. What is this sort of behavior teaching him?
Kids are sponges. They react and learn from the people in their lives. Think about it.
Filed under: Funny
An anonymous group of New York City bibliophiles launched the “Hot Dudes Reading” Instagram account in early February. Less than one month after its debut, the eye-catching social media page has drawn more than 277,000 followers.
Thus far, 19 photos have been snapped from the subway. Some of the books being read by the subjects include John Green’s The Fault in our Stars, Jared Diamond’s Guns, Germs, & Steel, and Lena Dunham’s Not That Kind of Girl.
Here’s more from The Huffington Post: “The creators are a group of 20 and 30-something male and female New Yorkers who, as they told HuffPost, ‘appreciate men with good looks and good books.’ As the creators told HuffPost, ‘Reading is fundamentally hot, and who doesn’t like to fantasize a little bit about the sexy stranger we spot sitting across from us?’ We can’t argue with that.”
You may have heard of Katniss Everdeen and Tris Prior, but what about Valentine Neverwoods? This character stars in a parody story that is being published through the @DystopianYA Twitter page.
Less than one month after its debut, the eye-catching social media page has drawn more than 15,000 followers. Dana Schwartz, a writer and comedian, genuinely enjoys reading young adult dystopian novels. In an interview with BuzzFeed, she explained that she launched this hilarious social media account after realizing that many recent titles belonging to this genre feature similar attributes such as “trains, overly simplified first-person narration, and love triangles.”
Initially, Schwartz intended to write “a collection of random sentences and elements.” After receiving a plethora of positive responses from the Twittersphere, she wants “to try to add plot and tell something from start to finish.” Below, we’ve collected a selection of hilarious tweets in a Storify post embedded below—what do you think?
Late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel recently held another book club gathering. Kimmel and the young members came together to discuss Simms Taback’s There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. This picture book won the Caldecott Honor back in 1998. The video embedded above has drawn more than 88,000 views—what do you think? (via ABC7news.com)
Janice Sage, the owner of Center Lovell Inn and Restaurant, is hosting an essay contest. This Maine-based innkeeper won this 12-acre property after participating in a similar competition back in 1993.
According to BuzzFeed, writers should send in a 200-word piece and a $125 entry fee. The submission should be postmarked by May 7th and must arrive at the Center Lovell Post Office by May 17th; Sage intends to announce the winner on May 21st. Follow this link to read all the rules.
Here’s more from The Portland Press Herald: “She hopes to receive 7,500 responses, or about $900,000, about what local real estate agents suggested as a listing price for the 210-year-old inn and two outbuildings overlooking Kezar Lake in Lovell. It is also an amount that would allow Sage to transition smoothly into retirement, her ultimate goal. She also hopes the novel approach will ensure that the inn will land in worthy hands.”
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This edition of the Picture Book Roundup features "jampires" (!), two Stanleys (one dog, one hamster), and a new Kadir Nelson book for which I can't find enough superlatives. Enjoy!
If you can't see the slideshow, I've included my reviews below. If You Plant a Seed
is a brilliantly written and exquisitely illustrated book about kindness. Sparse but meaningful text, combined with joyfully detailed illustrations of plants, birds, and animals. I love it!
- MacIntyre, Sarah and David O'Connell. 2015. Jampires. New York: David Fickling (Scholastic)
Who could be sucking all the jamminess out of the doughnuts? Jampires! Will Sam find jam? Will the Jampires find their nest? If you like funny, this is the best!
- Bee, William. 2015. Stanley the Farmer. New York: Peachtree.
Stanley is a hardworking hamster. Illustrations and text are bright and simple, making Stanley a perfect choice for very young listeners. Along the lines of Maisy, but with a crisper, cleaner interface. Nice size, sturdy construction.
The Wimbledons can't sleep. What IS all that noise? It's only Stanley, the dog. He's howling at the moon, fixing the oil tank, making catfish stew, ...? Hey, something's fishy here! Classic Jon Agee - droll humor at its best.
Review copies of Jampires
, Stanley the Farmer
, and It's Only Stanley
were provided by the publisher.
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Could you ever picture The Cat in The Hat eating tacos? How about The Lorax chowing down on a burrito?
Two members of the BuzzFeed staff, writer Jean-Luc Bouchard and artist Andrea Hickey, collaborated on a story called “Dr. Seuss Goes To Chipotle.” This Theodor Seuss Geisel-inspired piece was created “with heaps of love and respect for Dr. Seuss, as well as full-bellied appreciation for Chipotle.”
Here’s an excerpt: “I asked for one meat. And then? Why, for two! Ignoring the digestive impact I would rue. And that’s how I made-up a bowl of half-sneetch and a just-as-big ladle serving of beast.”