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1. #687 – The Case of the Missing Carrot Cake by Robin Newman & Deborah Zemke

Quick note: Not surprisingly, the motherboard died one last time, just days after arriving home from its last death. I am at the library and running out of time. Please excuse the unfinished post. I will get all images and links up as son as I can. I hope you enjoy the review, such as it is. ~Sue
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The Case of the Missing Carrot Cake
Written by Robin Newman
Illustrated by Deborah Zemke
Creston Books          2015
978-1-939547-17-0
40 pages            Age 7—9
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“When food goes missing on Ed’s farm, Detectives Wilcox and Griswold do what it takes to track down the thieves. In this case, Miss Rabbit’s carrot cake has disappeared. Has it been stolen? Or eaten? Or both? Who dunnit?” [publisher]

Review
Oh, my, a carrot cake has gone missing and Miss Rabbit, besides being crumbed by cake from head to toe (she did bake the now missing carrot cake), is hopping mad. Good thing the MFI’s are on the case, with Captain Griswold and Detective Wilcox as lead investigators. These two small Missing Food Investigator mice may have experience, but the layered Case of the Missing Carrot Cake just might be unsolvable.

I know detectives do not want to be viewed as cute, but cute is an apt word. From their gruff-looking MFI badge pictures, to their droll 1950’s cop-speech—think Friday of Dragnet—Griswold and Wilcox are all business, but adorable. The two made me laugh each time they spoke. Kids may not know who Sargent Friday was, but if a parent were to channel Sargent Friday while reading Detective Wilcox’s story, their children will at least get part of the joke.

“It was 10:00 Monday morning. The captain and I were working the day shift when we got our first call . . . Every day food goes missing from the farm. Sometimes it’s lost. Sometimes it’s stolen. Sometimes it just runs away.”

The first four chapters introduce the usual suspects: Fowler, the Owl (Alibi. He was picking up his dinner in the field); Porcini, the Pig (a convicted corn robber, he was with Miss Rabbit—she refused a refreshing hot cup of slop); Hot Dog, a dog (evidence is found! Hot Dog is, according to Wilcox, “in as pickle”); and . . . uh, oh. Where did suspect number four hide? I know there is a fourth, but, unlike Detective Wilcox, I am no missing food investigator.

The Case of the Missing Carrot Cake will delight readers. Kids will love the goofy characters, the illustrations, and the oft-used humor. Adults will also laugh, and sometimes groan, but always appreciate the humor and Wilcox’s Dragnet performance.

“Just give us the facts and nothing but the facts . . . “

The illustrations enhance the story on every page. The short chapters, just right for readers learning to read on their own, and illustrations that make each page come alive, kids will begin viewing reading as entertainment, rather than something one only does in school. Each of the seven characters is well-developed with distinctive personalities. I love Hot Dog, who towers over the detectives, yet gives them all due respect. Twists do occur, so do not get cozy with your solution to this case.

Will the MFI solve The Case of the Missing Carrot Cake? Will the residents of Ed’s Farm ever be safe from bakery thieves? To find out, check out Newman’s debut chapter book. I hope there are more cases to solve. The MFI detectives can delight readers again and again . . . they just need missing food to find.

THE CASE OF THE MISSING CARROT CAKE. Text copyright © 2015 by Robin Newman. Illustrations copyright © 2015 by Deborah Zemke. Reproduced by permission of the publisher, Creston Books,

Purchase The Case of the Missing Carrot Cake at Amazon—Book Depository—iTunes—Creston Books.

Learn more about The Case of the Missing Carrot Cake HERE.
Meet the author, Robin Newman, at her website:
Meet the illustrator, Deborah Zemke, at her website:
Find more chapter books at publisher, Creston Books, website: http://www.crestonbooks.com

Review Section: word count = 473

Copyright © 2015 by Sue Morris/Kid Lit Reviews. All Rights Reserved
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Filed under: 5stars, Books for Boys, Chapter Book, Debut Illustrator, Favorites, Library Donated Books, Reluctant Readers Tagged: beginning to read on your own, book for boys, Creston Books, Deborah Zemke, Dragnet, mystery, Robin Newman, The Case of the Missing Carrot Cake, whimsical, witty

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2. A laughing etymologist in a humorless crowd

I have noticed that many of my acquaintances misuse the phrases a dry sense of humor and a quiet sense of humor. Some people can tell a joke with a straight face, but, as a rule, they do it intentionally; their performance is studied and has little to do with “dryness.” A quiet sense of humor is an even murkier concept. What is it: an ability to chuckle to oneself? Smiling complacently when everybody else is roaring with laughter? Being funny but inoffensive? Sometimes readers detect humor where it probably does not exist.

For example, in the Scandinavian myth of the final catastrophe, the great medieval scholar Snorri Sturluson noted that the lower jaw of the wolf, the creature destined to swallow the whole world, touched the ground, while the upper jaw reached to the sky. If the wolf, he added, could open its mouth wider, it would have done so. For at least two hundred years scholars have been admiring Snorri’s dry sense of humor, though there is no certainly that Snorri had any sense of humor at all. What we read in his text is an accurate statement of fact, a description of a monster with a mouth open to its full extent.

Fenrisulfr tied up, a river flows from his mouth. From the 17th century Icelandic manuscript AM 738 4to, now in the care of the Árni Magnússon Institute in Iceland. Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.
Fenrisulfr tied up, a river flows from his mouth. From the 17th century Icelandic manuscript AM 738 4to, now in the care of the Árni Magnússon Institute in Iceland. Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.

In Europe, if we disregard the situation known form Ancient Greece and Rome, the modern sense of humor, which, first and foremost, presupposes laughter at verbal rather than at practical jokes, hardly existed before the Renaissance. (Practical jokes seldom thrill us.) The likes of Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde would not have had an appreciative audience in the Middle Ages. A look at the words pertaining to laughter may not be out of place here. The verb laugh has nothing to do with amusement. Its most ancient form sounded as khlakhkhyan (kh, which, as the above transcription shows, was long, stands for ch in Scots loch and in the family name MacLauchlan). If this word had currency before the formation of the system of Germanic consonants, its root was klak, which belongs with cluck, clack, click, clock, and other similar sound-imitative formations. The most primitive word for “laugh” seems to have designated a “guttural gesture,” akin to coughing or clearing one’s throat. Chuckle, a frequentative form of chuck, is a cousin of cackle. Giggle, another onomatopoeic verb, is a next-door neighbor of chuckle. The origin of Latin ridere (“to laugh”: compare ridiculous, deride, and risible) is unknown.

Nowadays, few words turn up in our speech more often than fun. Fun is the greatest attraction of everything. On campus, after the most timid souls get out of the math anxiety course, they are assured that math will be fun. A popular instructor is called a fun professor; students wish one another a fun class. Fun is the backbone of our education, and yet the word fun surfaced in texts only in the seventeenth century, and, like many nouns and verbs belonging to this semantic sphere, was probably a borrowing by the Standard from slang. Its etymology is disputable; perhaps fun is related to fond, and fond meant “stupid.” Joke, contemporaneous with fun, despite its source in Latin, also arose as slang.

We seldom think of the inner form of the word witty. Yet it is an obvious derivative of wit. One could expect witty to mean “wise, sagacious,” the opposite of witless (compare also unwitting), and before Shakespeare it did mean “clever, ingenious.” In German, the situation is similar. Geistreich (Geist + reich) suggests “rich in spirit (mind)” but corresponds to Engl. “witty.” Likewise, jest had little to do with amusement. Latin gesta (plural) meant “doings, deeds” and is familiar from the titles of innumerable Latin books (for example, Gesta danorum “The Deeds of the Danes”). Apparently, in the absence of the concept we associate with wit speakers had to endow the existing material with a meaning that suddenly gained in importance or surfaced for the first time. “The street,” where slang flourished, reveled in low entertainment and supplied names for it. Sometimes the learned also felt a need for what we call fun but were “lost for words” and used Latin nouns in contexts alien to them.

Jest is by far not the only example of this process. Hoax, which originally meant “to poke fun at,” is an eighteenth-century verb (at first only a verb) derived from Latin hocus, as in hocus-pocus. By an incredible coincidence, Old English had hux “mockery,” a metathesized variant of husc, a word with a solid etymology, but in the remote past it may have meant “noise.” When the history of the verbs for “laugh” comes to light, it often yields the sense “noise.” Such is Swedish skratta (with near identical cognates in Norwegian and Danish). People, as rituals and books inform us, laughed on various occasions: to promote fertility (a subject I cannot discuss here), to express their triumph over a vanquished enemy, or to show that they were happy. Noise sometimes constituted part of their reaction. None of that had anything to do with our sense of humor.

German Scherz “joke” first denoted “a merry jump.” Its synonym Spaß reached German from Italian (spasso; in the seventeenth century, like so many words being discussed here), but German did not remain a debtor. It “lent” Scherz to Italian, which returned it to the European languages as Scherzo, a musical term. The origin of Dutch grap “joke” is uncertain (so probably slang). Almost the entire English vocabulary of laughter and mockery is late: either the words were coined about four hundred year ago, or new meanings of old words arose. It is as though a revolution in attitudes toward laughter (or at least one aspect of it) occurred during and soon after the Renaissance. People felt a need for new terms expressing what we take for eternal impulses and began to promote slang and borrow right and left.

Below I will list a few verbs with their dates and some indication of their origin. The roman numbers refer to the centuries.

  • Jeer (XVI; “fleer and leer have affinities for form and meaning”; so The Oxford Dictionary of English Etymology),
  • fleer (XV, possibly from Scandinavian),
  • sneer (XVI; perhaps from Low German or Dutch),
  • flout (XVI, possibly from Dutch),
  • taunt (XVI, from French),
  • banter (XVII, of unknown origin).

Only scoff and scorn are considerably older, though both also came from abroad. To be sure, the picture presented above is too simple; it does not take into account the history of people. New words were borrowed, while old ones fell into desuetude. The formula “of unknown origin” does not mean that no suggestions about their etymology exist. They do, but none is fully convincing.

Our ancestors laughed as much as we do, but we have added a new dimension to this process: we can laugh at a witty saying (when they spoke their native languages, this was, apparently, a closed art to them). Strangely, the educated “barbarians” enjoyed Roman comedies, but laughing at Latin witticisms taught them nothing and did not become a transferable skill. The Europeans who descended from those “barbarians” needed a long time to catch up with their teachers. A study of laughter is not only a window to the development of European mentality. It also sheds light on popular culture. We observe how the slang of the past gained respectability and became part of the neutral style. Here etymologists can make themselves useful to everyone who is interested in how we have become what we are. Enjoy yourselves, friends, but don’t be always the last to laugh.

The post A laughing etymologist in a humorless crowd appeared first on OUPblog.

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3. It's Never Too Late by Marsha Casper Cook: In A Nut Shell!

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IT’S  NEVER TOO LATE


  A screenplay by Marsha Casper Cook

Noah is miserable.  Noah runs a party planning business called Party Time left to him by his father. His mother, Rosalind Meyers, would do anything and go to any length, even coming to town in bad weather to get him married. After all, his mother believes that’s what will bring him true happiness.
The bright spot in his life is being a part-time coach of a Special Olympics team of pre-teen boys hoping to play basketball like everyone else.  They look to Noah to help them fulfill that.
Noah’s only salvation is the person who understands him most and fixes everything for him is his office administrator and jacqueline of all trades, Annie.
When the school Noah coaches at is threatened with closure, his mother comes to town, and a mysterious man joins the staff at Party Time, Annie begins to manage more than Noah’s personal life.
It’s only a matter of time with  the perfect woman is right there beside Noah that a budding romance takes shape.
Marsha Casper Cook is a talented author and storyteller. Written as a screenplay, It’s Never Too Late is witty, charming and an enjoyable read. You can imagine yourself backstage and watching the performance, seeing the characters come alive. I can’t wait to see is It’s Never Too Late on the ‘big' screen.
~Author J.D. Holiday

Marsha Casper Cook is also the author of six published books and 11 feature-length screenplays. Her screenplay 
co- authored by Craig Clyde is optioned at this time. Her published works include “LOVE CHANGES,” a romantic novel about a family in crisis, and “Sala, More Than a Survivor 0 Comments on It's Never Too Late by Marsha Casper Cook: In A Nut Shell! as of 1/1/1900
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4. Ten Things Not to Say to a Possessed Clown

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Clowns are fun. We laugh and are amused by their antics. However, we are frightened by clowns that are evil or possessed. Here are ten things that you should not say to a possessed clown:

1.   You have great makeup. I especially like your red teeth. They’re so colorful.

2.   Would you like to have dinner at our house? Why are you looking at me like I’m a piece of meat?

3.   Will you quit growling. It’s not nice to scream bloody murder. Come on, lighten up.

4.   Did you say I’m smart? I see. You said that you’d like a piece of my heart.

5.   Why are you juggling chainsaws?

6.   Please don’t spray seltzer water at me. I see. It’s not seltzer water. It’s blood.

7.   What do you look like when you wipe off your makeup? I see. You look like a Zombie.

8.   Why do you wear such big shoes? I see. It’s to hide your hairy, curled up feet.

9.   Can I be in your act? I see. You’ll perform magic and saw me in half.

10.  Are you married? I see. Your wife has flaming red hair, a bright red nose, and a ghoulish white face.

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5. Ten Things That You Don’t Want From The Tooth Fairy

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You just lost a tooth. Time to put your tooth under the pillow and be rewarded by the Tooth Fairy. Here are ten things that you should not want to get from the Tooth Fairy:

  1. You do not want to get an IOU. Come on Tooth Fairy, deliver the goods.
  2. You do not want to get a ham sandwich under your pillow. You are not amused.
  3.  You do not want to get a rock. Times are tough, but you can do better than that.
  4. You do not want to get free tickets to a Barney and Friends concert. You’re too old and it would be too embarrassing to go.
  5. You do not want to get a card for your next dental appointment. This is ridiculous.
  6. You do not want to get five cents. This is your tooth. Don’t be so cheap.
  7. You do not want to get a water balloon. Just what you need, a wet bed and a soggy tooth.
  8. You do not want to get a homework assignment. This is cruel. The Tooth Fairy is not suppose to be cruel.
  9. You do not want to get a letter from the IRS saying that they are going to audit your Tooth Fairy money.
  10. You do not want to get a tube of toothpaste. Listen Tooth Fairy, you want tens and twenties please.

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6. Ten Things That You Don’t Want From The Tooth Fairy

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You just lost a tooth. Time to put your tooth under the pillow and be rewarded by the Tooth Fairy. Here are ten things that you should not want to get from the Tooth Fairy:

  1. You do not want to get an IOU. Come on Tooth Fairy, deliver the goods.
  2. You do not want to get a ham sandwich under your pillow. You are not amused.
  3.  You do not want to get a rock. Times are tough, but you can do better than that.
  4. You do not want to get free tickets to a Barney and Friends concert. You’re too old and it would be too embarrassing to go.
  5. You do not want to get a card for your next dental appointment. This is ridiculous.
  6. You do not want to get five cents. This is your tooth. Don’t be so cheap.
  7. You do not want to get a water balloon. Just what you need, a wet bed and a soggy tooth.
  8. You do not want to get a homework assignment. This is cruel. The Tooth Fairy is not suppose to be cruel.
  9. You do not want to get a letter from the IRS saying that they are going to audit your Tooth Fairy money.
  10. You do not want to get a tube of toothpaste. Listen Tooth Fairy, you want tens and twenties please.

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7. Ten Things You Should Never Say to Deatheaters

Deatheaters are not the friendliest chaps. They don’t sit around the pool sipping on a cocktail. Here is a list of ten things that you should never say to Deatheaters:

  1. Could you come to our school and do some magic tricks?
  2. Are you a spy? Isn’t it a bit warm to be wearing a cloak?
  3. Do you know who I am inviting to my birthday party?
  4. Have you thought of wearing a pink cloak instead? It would bring out the softness in your eyes.
  5. I said that we were having a Fire Sale. I didn’t mean for you to set my store on fire.
  6. Have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz? You’d just love the movie.
  7. I don’t know where Potter is. I do know where a Pan Handler lives.
  8. Nice broomstick. Would you mind sweeping my home?
  9. Would you like to go on a date? I really dig the Gothic look.
  10. I heard that you’re a really good speller. Are you planning to make it to the National Spelling Bee event?9.  

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8. Chinese Fortune Cookies From Your Mother-in-Law

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Guess who’s coming over for dinner? It’s your mother-in-law. Are you excited? Well here are ten fortune cookie sayings that you might hear from your dear mother-in-law.

1.   You look like a bum. You smell like a bum. I guess you are a bum. I don’t mean to be rude.

2.   Get a job! Get off your butt! What’s the matter with you? Have a nice day.

3.   You call this cooking? What are you trying to do? Are you trying to poison me? I’ll just have some wine.

4.   Lose some weight! You look like my next door neighbor. They call him the Elephant Man.

5.   Why did you ever marry my daughter? Where did I go wrong? By the way, wash your face and comb your hair.

6.   Did you know that divorce is a seven letter word? You can use it in Scrabble or on some other occasion.

7.   I’m ill. Call my doctor! Call my lawyer! Call my psychiatrist! Just get off your ass and start calling.

8.   You’re not getting anything from me when I’m dead. I’ve written you out of my will. Now start massaging my feet.

9.   Did anyone ever tell you that you bear a striking resemblance to the picture of the serial killer that is terrorizing the city?

10. Good news! Someone is moving into your home to live with you. I’ll give you one guess.

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9. Chinese Fortune Cookies From Your Mother-in-Law

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Guess who’s coming over for dinner? It’s your mother-in-law. Are you excited? Well here are ten fortune cookie sayings that you might hear from your dear mother-in-law.

1.   You look like a bum. You smell like a bum. I guess you are a bum. I don’t mean to be rude.

2.   Get a job! Get off your butt! What’s the matter with you? Have a nice day.

3.   You call this cooking? What are you trying to do? Are you trying to poison me? I’ll just have some wine.

4.   Lose some weight! You look like my next door neighbor. They call him the Elephant Man.

5.   Why did you ever marry my daughter? Where did I go wrong? By the way, wash your face and comb your hair.

6.   Did you know that divorce is a seven letter word? You can use it in Scrabble or on some other occasion.

7.   I’m ill. Call my doctor! Call my lawyer! Call my psychiatrist! Just get off your ass and start calling.

8.   You’re not getting anything from me when I’m dead. I’ve written you out of my will. Now start massaging my feet.

9.   Did anyone ever tell you that you bear a striking resemblance to the picture of the serial killer that is terrorizing the city?

10. Good news! Someone is moving into your home to live with you. I’ll give you one guess.

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10. Five Excuses for Losing Your Wedding Ring

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You have a great marriage. Your wife is fantastic. You also have a job that you are thoroughly satisfied with. What could possibly go wrong? Oops, you misplaced your wedding ring. What are you going to do? Here are five excuses for losing your wedding ring:

1.  You wouldn’t believe it but our dog swallowed my wedding ring. I guess he mistook it for a tasty treat.

2.   My ring fell off while I was polishing our car. It got lost in the grass. What’s that? You just saw the car and it was filthy dirty. Um, um, um. Well it was clean two minutes ago. On second thought, it was off my finger while I was mowing the lawn. What’s that? The grass doesn’t look like it has been mowed. Um, um, um. On third thought, I’ll tell you the truth. My ring was cutting off the circulation to my finger. It was a horrible sight. I couldn’t wear the ring anymore. I decided to donate my ring to Goodwill. Wasn’t I being generous?

3.   It fell in the sink. I tried to take it out of the sink, but I dropped it. The next thing you know it was being chewed up by the garbage disposal. We need to replace our garbage disposal immediately.

4.   I was at work when my ring came off my finger and landed in the shredder. Oh my word, all I have left is twisted metal.

5.   Joe in the warehouse picked up my ring that I accidentally placed in the shipping department while I was working on inventory. He thought it was suppose to go in the box marked fake jewelry. Before I knew it, Joe had shipped my ring to a company in Puerto Rico. Isn’t that the craziest thing that you have ever  heard?

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11. Five Excuses for Losing Your Wedding Ring

Image via Wikipedia

You have a great marriage. Your wife is fantastic. You also have a job that you are thoroughly satisfied with. What could possibly go wrong? Oops, you misplaced your wedding ring. What are you going to do? Here are five excuses for losing your wedding ring:

1.  You wouldn’t believe it but our dog swallowed my wedding ring. I guess he mistook it for a tasty treat.

2.   My ring fell off while I was polishing our car. It got lost in the grass. What’s that? You just saw the car and it was filthy dirty. Um, um, um. Well it was clean two minutes ago. On second thought, it was off my finger while I was mowing the lawn. What’s that? The grass doesn’t look like it has been mowed. Um, um, um. On third thought, I’ll tell you the truth. My ring was cutting off the circulation to my finger. It was a horrible sight. I couldn’t wear the ring anymore. I decided to donate my ring to Goodwill. Wasn’t I being generous?

3.   It fell in the sink. I tried to take it out of the sink, but I dropped it. The next thing you know it was being chewed up by the garbage disposal. We need to replace our garbage disposal immediately.

4.   I was at work when my ring came off my finger and landed in the shredder. Oh my word, all I have left is twisted metal.

5.   Joe in the warehouse picked up my ring that I accidentally placed in the shipping department while I was working on inventory. He thought it was suppose to go in the box marked fake jewelry. Before I knew it, Joe had shipped my ring to a company in Puerto Rico. Isn’t that the craziest thing that you have ever  heard?

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12. Chinese Fortune Cookies From Lawyers

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Do you need an attorney? Who doesn’t need an attorney for some legal matter? Of course, attorneys charge a lot for their services. Here are ten humorous fortune cookie sayings with lawyers in mind:

  1. If the suit fits, sue tomorrow.
  2. You are about to come into a tidy fortune. Just ignore the banana peel on the marble floor until it is too late.
  3. Would you like some black forest tort cake? I see. You would prefer just the tort.
  4. You are about to learn more about cell technology. It is so fascinating that the subject will just imprison you.
  5. Divorcing yourself from reality may not lessen your cost from your imminent divorce.
  6. Beware of a guy named Mal. This is particularly true if his last name is Practice.
  7. People shouldn’t judge you by your appearance unless you are picked out of a lineup.
  8. Betty Lou would sure love to court you. However, if you  become unfaithful, she’ll see you in court.
  9. You cannot replace your batteries in a case of assault and battery.
  10. If you are drunk as a skunk and drive, you just might find yourself making the evening news by five.

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13. Chinese Fortune Cookies From Lawyers

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Do you need an attorney? Who doesn’t need an attorney for some legal matter? Of course, attorneys charge a lot for their services. Here are ten humorous fortune cookie sayings with lawyers in mind:

  1. If the suit fits, sue tomorrow.
  2. You are about to come into a tidy fortune. Just ignore the banana peel on the marble floor until it is too late.
  3. Would you like some black forest tort cake? I see. You would prefer just the tort.
  4. You are about to learn more about cell technology. It is so fascinating that the subject will just imprison you.
  5. Divorcing yourself from reality may not lessen your cost from your imminent divorce.
  6. Beware of a guy named Mal. This is particularly true if his last name is Practice.
  7. People shouldn’t judge you by your appearance unless you are picked out of a lineup.
  8. Betty Lou would sure love to court you. However, if you  become unfaithful, she’ll see you in court.
  9. You cannot replace your batteries in a case of assault and battery.
  10. If you are drunk as a skunk and drive, you just might find yourself making the evening news by five.

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14. Ten Things You Shouldn’t Say to Jason

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Jason, the mysterious killer, in the Friday the 13th series is truly an evil monster. He kills without a conscience. Here are ten things that you shouldn’t say to Jason if you ever come across him:

  1. Would you like to play in a pick up hockey game?
  2. Your knife looks a little dull. Do you mind if I sharpen it for you?
  3. Have you seen my son Freddie around? He’s always getting into trouble. He’s not the sharpest kid on the block.
  4. You look like your dressed to kill. You sure are the strong and silent type.
  5. Man are you ugly. And your breath could kill an elephant.
  6. Do you have an axe to grind with someone? Next thing you know you’ll be waving around a chainsaw.
  7. Are you a reject from Camp Crystal Lake or are you one of the counselors?
  8. Would you like to date my sister? She’s almost as ugly as you are.
  9. You better stay out of the water. Otherwise, you’ll catch the death of a cold.
  10. Did anyone ever tell you that it is impolite to carry a bloody ax inside the house? You could leave stains on the carpet.

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15. Chinese Fortune Cookies From Sex Therapists

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Do you have a problem with sex? Perhaps you need to see a sex therapist. After a few sessions, you might become a new person. Here are fifteen fortune cookie sayings from sex therapists:

  1. At work, at play, and in the bed, life has its ups and downs.
  2. Keep your two girlfriends away from going to the same restaurant unless you like to live your life dangerously.
  3. Remember to keep your thoughts clean and your sheets clean at the same time.
  4. Go to your grocery store and buy a lot of vegetables, particularly cucumbers. You are going to have a very exciting evening tonight.
  5. Two’s company, but four makes for an extremely stimulating night.
  6. Despite all your cosmetic surgeries, your heart is still true. Time to bring pleasure to your new body parts.
  7. It is difficult to have a moist erotic kiss if your lips are severly chapped.
  8. Condemn violence, but use a condom when having sex.
  9. If you have an affair, make it count for everything you got because if you are discovered, you will lose everything you got.
  10. Sex is like fireworks. It can be very explosive, but can also have its duds.
  11. You cannot substitute pills for love. However, they do have interesting side effects.
  12. Your passion will flow like a raging river. You are under a flood watch tonight.
  13. A little music and a little food will put your partner in the right mood. But a little gas will swiftly burn out the flames of desire.
  14. Give your honey a great big hug. Sorry, your honey has the flu. Now your hug has given you the bug.
  15. Embrace your lover, but never lock braces together.

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16. Chinese Fortune Cookies From Sex Therapists

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Do you have a problem with sex? Perhaps you need to see a sex therapist. After a few sessions, you might become a new person. Here are fifteen fortune cookie sayings from sex therapists:

  1. At work, at play, and in the bed, life has its ups and downs.
  2. Keep your two girlfriends away from going to the same restaurant unless you like to live your life dangerously.
  3. Remember to keep your thoughts clean and your sheets clean at the same time.
  4. Go to your grocery store and buy a lot of vegetables, particularly cucumbers. You are going to have a very exciting evening tonight.
  5. Two’s company, but four makes for an extremely stimulating night.
  6. Despite all your cosmetic surgeries, your heart is still true. Time to bring pleasure to your new body parts.
  7. It is difficult to have a moist erotic kiss if your lips are severly chapped.
  8. Condemn violence, but use a condom when having sex.
  9. If you have an affair, make it count for everything you got because if you are discovered, you will lose everything you got.
  10. Sex is like fireworks. It can be very explosive, but can also have its duds.
  11. You cannot substitute pills for love. However, they do have interesting side effects.
  12. Your passion will flow like a raging river. You are under a flood watch tonight.
  13. A little music and a little food will put your partner in the right mood. But a little gas will swiftly burn out the flames of desire.
  14. Give your honey a great big hug. Sorry, your honey has the flu. Now your hug has given you the bug.
  15. Embrace your lover, but never lock braces together.

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17. Chinese Fortune Cookies From Dentists

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It’s time for your semi-annual visit to your dentist. What better way to pass the time than to read a fortune cookie saying. Here are fifteen sayings from your dentist for your amusement:

  1. A smile will get you everywhere unless you have a mouth full of rotten teeth.
  2. Go ahead and eat all the sweets that you like. After all, you are supporting my son’s education.
  3. It is impolite to floss in front of your girlfriend.
  4. It’s time that you got at the root of your problems.
  5. Hey, hey, hey, you have a lot of decay.
  6. You will soon get a thrill at our powerful new drill.
  7. You do not get gum disease by chewing gum.
  8. Brace yourself for this important message. Your daughter needs braces.
  9. Getting a crown on your tooth does not make you a King.
  10. You’ll never pass the kissing test if your mouth has bad breath.
  11. Make haste and go out and buy some toothpaste.
  12. Never pick at your teeth with a fork.
  13. Green teeth are not pretty or natural unless your name is Shrek.
  14. Vampires should gargle twice a day with blood after brushing their teeth.
  15. The tooth fairy is not real. Deal with it!

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18. Just a Sketch, No "Witty" Banter



Just a little something I sketched last night while laying in bed, half asleep. I'll save you the annoyance of sitting though any of my "witty" banter today.

Steve~

2 Comments on Just a Sketch, No "Witty" Banter, last added: 7/10/2008
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