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I offer query critiquing, both separately and as part of my Write for Magazines e-course, and one thing I see often that keeps queries (and articles) from really standing out is a lack of concrete details. There’s a mushiness to the writing that makes the queries come off a bit dull.

By concrete details, I mean that you use vivid examples that an editor (and your final reader) can easily envision in her mind’s eye, even going so far as to use brand names when they fit.

For example, here’s the lede to a query I wrote in 1999, which led to an article in Zillions, the now-defunct children’s magazine that was published by Consumer Reports:

It can happen to even the savviest shopper: The Levis you bought disintegrate after just one washing, or maybe that Game Boy cartridge isn’t nearly as exciting as it looked in the ad. Don’t toss your new purchase and hope for better luck next time–write to the company and tell them what you think!

Now, I could just as easily have written:

It can happen to even the savviest shopper: The jeans or toys you bought aren’t good quality. Don’t toss your new purchase and hope for better luck next time–write to the company and tell them what you think!

It says the exact same thing, but there’s a nebulous quality to the second version. By using brand names and giving concrete examples of what happens to those products (“disintegrate after just one washing” and “isn’t nearly as exciting as it looked in the ad”), I help the editor form a clear vision of the situation in her mind. The writing seems much sharper.

As another example, a query critiquing client recently sent me a query — let’s say it was about how to keep your heart healthy. The query was well written and well organized, but the bulleted tips were things like, “Exercise a half-hour every day” and “Eat a healthy breakfast.” My advice to her was to replace those generic tips with very specific advice. For example, instead of “Eat a healthy breakfast,” which is not only bland but also been-there-done-that, my client could talk to a nutritionist to find out what is the heart-healthiest breakfast possible. Then she could write, “Perfect Parfaits: Joy Smith, RD, suggests noshing on a yogurt parfait with bananas and berries for breakfast. The yogurt is packed with heart-healthy calcium, the bananas boast the potassium you need to keep your blood pressure down, and the berries’ antioxidants bust free-radicals that can damage your heart health.”

See the difference? In addition, instead of telling readers to exercise every day, my client could find a specific exercise that’s recommended by, say, an American Heart Association spokesperson. Or, she could recommend when to exercise; for example, “Rise and Shine: It’s difficult to get in the half-hour of exercise we need every day to keep our hearts healthy, but a new study says that women who exercise before work are three times as likely to keep up the habit as those who hit the gym after work.” (I made up those details, by the way.) These concrete examples offer what editors call “take home value” — they’re advice that the reader can easily incorporate into her life right now, instead of having to figure out what constitutes a “good breakfast” and how exactly to get “heart-healthy exercise.”

I learned this lesson early on. One of my first articles for a national

Here’s a query that sold as a short to Women’s Health magazine. The query was so thorough that I didn’t have to do much additional reporting to create the short. I love coming up with ideas that are kind of — well, not something you’d want your mom to read. (Remember, I also wrote Dojo Mojo for Women’s Health, about how to use martial arts to spice up your sex life!) I did interview a couple of people quickly for this pitch, and found the rest of the info through online research.

Smell Check

There’s nothing more embarrassing that taking off your Manolos — and giving off a whiff of foot funk. Unless it’s having a friend or coworker let you know that your breath is less than fresh.

In “Smell Check” I’ll tell Women’s Health’s readers how to deal with stinky snafus that they may be too embarrassed to seek help for:

• Funk Down Under: “There are several causes of vaginal odor,” says Adelaide Nardone, MD, an OB/GYN in Providence, RI. “Bacteria mixed with sweat is a common culprit and can be taken care of with foaming washes and sweat-absorbing powders.” But if your normal smell suddenly takes on a different characteristic, see your gyno — you may have an infection such as bacterial vaginosis. I’ll give readers more details on how to nix the P.U. factor in the nether regions.

• Gas Attack. As the old saying goes, “If you denied it, you supplied it.” In the large intestine, foreign enzymes known as “gas enzymes” consume undigested nutrients by breaking their chemical bonds. This process produces gases, and the “end” result is the dog getting blamed for something he didn’t do. In this section, I’ll tell readers the reasons behind flatulence, including eating too many carbs, swallowing air, and intestinal infections, and how to nip gas attacks in the butt — er, bud.

• Stinky Feet: Two of the most common sources of tootsie stench are the bacteria corynebacteria and micrococci, which thrive in the warm, moist environment your socks and shoes provide. If stepped-up hygiene doesn’t work, tea soaks, benzoyl peroxide gel, or antiperspirants may help. For severe cases, prescription solutions exist. I’ll discuss all the options in this section.

• B.O.: Don’t blame sweat — sweat is nothing more than water and salts expelled by the sweat glands to control body temperature. It’s bacteria on your skin that mixes with the sweat to produce body odor. In case regular deodorants and antiperspirants don’t cut the stink, there are several prescription solutions I’ll describe in this section.

• Bad Breath: Nearly 40 million Americans suffer from halitosis. Smoking, pungent food, gum disease, and common drugs share some of the blame, says Katie Williams, special projects assistant for the American Dental Hygienists’ Association. Some solutions I’ll offer up here include snacking on apples or celery to clear away loose food, avoiding alcohol-based mouthwashes and sugary mints, rinsing after meals if you don’t have a toothbrush handy, and using tongue scrapers.

I’ve written for more than 100 magazines, including health-related articles for Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Men’s Fitness, Psychology Today, Oxygen, and more. May I write “Smell Check” for you?

You have a query ready to go to your dream market. But is it really ready? Do you have an eye-grabbing lede, compelling quotes, great organization, and compelling examples? Is your writing as clear as it could be? Is your slant honed to perfection? How’s your title?

I can help you with a query letter critique.

Linda’s query critique was exactly what I needed. Not only did she tell me which parts of my query were weak and offer specific suggestions on how I could improve them, she even clued me in to 2 additional markets that might be interested!
—Julie Knudson

Here’s how it works: You send me a query letter you’ve completed before sending it to your target markets. I’ll read it over carefully and use the Track Changes function in Microsoft Word to make suggested changes and comment on everything from your organization to your word choice. I may suggest, for example, that you find stronger sources, structure your query differently, or tweak your title. I may also recommend that you play with your idea to make it more salable. And even more, if I happen to know of a good market for your idea that you hadn’t thought of, I’ll be sure to let you know. It can take me a couple of days to critique your query, because I like to take the time to really think about it.

I’m not afraid to give thorough critiques — and to let you know when something is simply not working.

So what makes me a query letter expert? First of all, I’m the co-author of The Renegade Writer’s Query Letters That Rock, in which I talk to dozens of editors about queries that knocked the editors’ socks off. I’ve also written for more than 130 magazines, many of which I broke in to with query letters — from Family Circle to USA Weekend to Health. In addition, I’ve taught more than 350 students through my popular Write for Magazines e-course and phone mentoring, so I have a handle on common query problems and how to solve them.

I charge $49 for a thorough query letter critique. If you’re interested, e-mail me at [email protected] and give me a little info about you and your idea, so I can make sure I can help you before you pay me.

I look forward to helping you make your query sparkle! [lf]

After my rather humbling experience recently, I realized I want more info on the elusive query letter.

Writing a query should be easy, right? You just scribble out a short cover letter introducing yourself and your work, cuz you know your work is marvellous and should sell itself.

Wrong.

Even if your work is bestseller material, a fumbling query letter is going to get you into the ‘rejection pile’ and no where near the bestseller list. This is your opportunity to sell yourself -- to make the agent sit up and take notice.

So, how do we write the most amazing query letter possible?

Let’s break it down.

First – research, research, research. Even though there’s a basic format to query letters, don’t write one generic query and send it to a bunch of different agents hoping to strike it lucky. That’s like playing Russian Roulette with your career. Read up on your choice of agents. Follow their guidelines to the letter. And don’t forget to browse their blogs – this is where the real nuggets of information are gleaned. Maybe they might even give you an example or two of what they consider a great query. (Yay!)

Next – write a query that’s tailored to the agent you are submitting to. What does that mean? Give ‘em exactly what they ask for; nothing more – nothing less. This can include attachments versus inserting manuscript material into the body of an email. Or, even a paragraph synopsis versus a full-page synopsis. Deviating from their provided instructions just tells them that you can’t follow directions. That’s fast-tracking yourself right out the door.

Another next – the query itself. I like the way writing-world.com sets it out. Though the author is referring to article pitching, I did find this site helpful. It talks about the five basic components of a query:

• The hook
• The pitch
• The body
• The credentials
• The close

Each component is crucial. The author at the above site breaks it down well and is a good read. She even includes links to related articles – check out the sample query letter.

Another site fictionwriters.com has some good do’s and don’ts.

This website charlottedillon.com has a bunch of examples that landed the authors agents. Note that they are all quite different.

What I find interesting is that the above samples prove that queries need to be agent-specific. Note that one letter may start out with a hook, while another starts with an introduction. It would seem that while there are rules, these rules can in some cases be bent a little.

This too can be said for the do’s and don’ts as well. During my research I came across an agent who actually liked a little butt-kissing. (Say what??) Yup, I kid you not. In this instance -- to submit or not to submit -- is the question. Remember, you need to comfortably work with this person. Do you wanna work with someone you have to brown-nose?

Nah. Gimme a professional any day.

I offer to bust readers’ excuses for not pitching magazines — or, if they’re pitching, for approaching only low/no-pay pubs. If you have an excuse you’d like me to bust, you can send it to [email protected].

Here’s Stacy’s excuse: I just sold my first query-ever! And while I’m excited to get paid for my writing, I’d like to pitch the big league magazines. I know I should be pitching FOB ideas, but I get super nervous. Plus my pitch letters are too long or too short. How can I find a safe middle ground?

First, congratulations!

A query should be as long as it needs to be to get your idea across. However, one mistake many new writers make is give too little info for the editor to be able to get a good idea of what you’re pitching. A query needs to have an eye-catching lede, describe the idea, give examples of what you plan to include in the article, and convince the editor that you’re the right person to write the article. You want the editor to be able to envision the article in her magazine. It’s hard to do all that in one paragraph! My first sale to a national women’s magazine resulted from a three-page query.

However, if you’ve worked with the editor before and have a good relationship, you may be able to get away with quick pitches. I have sold ideas that I described in just a paragraph or two, but these were to editors who already knew my work.

One rule of thumb: Your query shouldn’t be longer than the article you’re pitching. That’s why some writers prefer to just write up FOBs (Front of Book pieces — in other words, shorts) instead of pitching them — they say it would take longer to sell the idea than to just write it. And that’s fine!

One other thing: Don’t think that as a relative beginner, you have to pitch FOBs. If you have a great idea for a feature, go for it! If the editor thinks your idea would make a better short she’ll let you know — but why limit yourself? [lf]

I offer to bust readers’ excuses for not pitching magazines — or, if they’re pitching, for approaching only low/no-pay pubs. (If you have an excuse you’d like me to bust, you can send it to [email protected].)

Ali sent in her excuse: My excuse is that I just don’t know how to start. I’ve made a decent living as a freelance PR manager for the past three years and know I can write, but I just don’t know how to take that first step to identify a magazine, send a query and then follow up to get an assignment. I guess really I should just get on with it, take the plunge, get it wrong and then learn from it and get it right next time. But I’m blocked on a kind of fear of going about it all wrong and therefore looking stupid and messing up my chances of getting an assignment. So I don’t even try. Rubbish, I know!

Okay this is where I get to shill my class: On July 19, the next session of my popular Write for Magazines e-course will begin, and it takes you through eight steps of generating a salable idea, researching and writing a query, identifying markets, sleuthing out editors’ contact info, and getting your query out the door. If you opt for the Premium course with e-mail support, I can also offer help with fear, demotivation, and other issues that keep you from getting started. Previous students have landed assignments from magazines like Spirituality & Health, Woman’s Day, SELF, Writer’s Digest, E: The Environmental Magazine, Black Health, and more.

Okay, sales pitch over. As for doing it wrong — let me assure you there is no wrong. Okay, if you write your query with crayon on scented paper or address the editor “Dear Boss-Man,” that is wrong. But there’s such a big variation in how things work, and you need to find what works best for you. That’s what The Renegade Writer is all about: Trying out different tactics, tossing what doesn’t work, and keeping what does.

No two editors are the same, so there’s no one way to appeal to an editor — or to piss one off. So throw out even the mere idea of being perfect. You can’t.

Also, as I’ve mentioned before on this blog, one of my first queries to Family Circle was called “Quik Dri Cheez: Why Advertisers Can’t Spell.” Not only did the editor not blackball me from the world of magazines after receiving this horrendous pitch, but I ended up writing a dozen articles for the magazine (once I learned from that pitch and improved my ideas).

In addition, in my e-course Get Unstuck! for Freelancers, one of the assignments (to help beat perfectionism) is to send out a query or letter of introduction with a typo in it. One of my students said “No way!” — and later that day gasped in horror as she pressed SEND on a query and then noticed, an instant before it zapped off the screen, that there was huge typo in the first sentence. Did the editor shoot back a scathing reply? No…he replied within the hour to say that he liked the idea but the magazine already had a similar one underway, and asked the writer to send more ideas.

Don’t worry about messing things up! If you screw up, change your tactics and try again. It’s the only way to succeed. [lf]

Last week I posted on Facebook that an editor at Women’s Health was interested in my query. Another writer posted a comment saying something like, “A query to the glossies, how quaint!” I laughed, but then I started thinking…are queries passé?

I don’t query nearly as much as I used to. Since I’ve been writing full-time for 13 years, I’m in many editors’ stables, so they come to me with work. For example, most of the articles I’ve written for Health were the result of the editor contacting me. The benefit of this is, well, I don’t have to write a query letter. The drawback is that the idea I’m assigned is something the editors came up with in-house, so it’s often not as interesting to me as an idea I generated and pitched myself.

Also, I write for a lot of custom publications — that is, publications that are produced for businesses and organizations like Cleveland Clinic, Sons of Norway, The Vitamin Shoppe, Stop & Shop, and so on — and I broke into all of those through letters of introduction. (And LOTS of follow up — these custom pubs are not fast responders!) Trade magazines have been the same for me…while I do pitch a few of my favorites, I broke into most of the two dozen I’ve written for through letters of introduction.

But I still do query, especially when I come up with an idea I really want to write. For example, the feature I wrote for Fortune Small Business, which later turned into a photo spread and short for Inc., was the result of a researched query. The essay I’m working on for Parenting, about adopting our son, also came from a brief query. (True, you don’t normally query essays, but the one I was proposing was different from the typical essay model so I wanted to pitch it before writing.) And now Women’s Health is interested in an idea I pitched them about a week ago, which stemmed from an issue I was grappling with at the time. These topics were all near and dear to me, and I really wanted to write them — so I queried them.

When I’m writing for a national newsstand magazine, the relationship almost always started out with a query letter. Sure, Health came to me with most of the assignments, but my first assignment came from a pitch. Then, after I proved myself to the editor, he started assigning me stories. I developed a relationship with my Family Circle editor (way back when; I haven’t written for them in years!) through multiple queries, and eventually the editor started assigning me ideas that were developed in-house.

I think that query letters are still very important for aspiring and new writers who haven’t yet had a chance to prove themselves to editors. Queries show not only that you have a great idea, but also that you know how to organize an article, find good sources, and do interviews. They take the danger out of saying “yes”; because the editor can see how well you write through your query, she doesn’t risk as much as if she assigned an article to a new writer sans query.

True, you’d think that your clips (if you have any) would suffice to show an editor how well you can write. But how does an editor know how much of the clip is your brilliance, and how much is the result of a good editor? My editors have told me that some of the worst writers have some of the best clips.

Also, queries are key when you want to write about a certain topic, since of course an editor — even if she wants to assign you stories that were deve

Last week, WOW! team member Jodi Webb wrote an excellent blog post about getting your query noticed. If you missed it, check it out here. Today, I thought I'd continue the theme of queries with a writing exercise about creating unique article slants. (Hopefully, light bulbs will be going off above your heads soon!) I recently gave this writing prompt to my children's writers online class I teach for WOW! Here's the prompt:

An editor whom you've worked with before wrote an email to several writers and asked for someone to come up with a unique article idea to teach children water safety rules for the summer. She explained it's a topic that's been covered many times during past years in the magazine, but the managing editor thinks it's important to remind kids (and new readers) the importance of water safety in the summer. She invites you to turn in a query for an article with a different slant on water safety. The best idea/query will get the contract for the article.

I talk with my students about how important it is to cover subjects that have been written about excessively but that some readers new to the age group or magazine haven't read about before. I've been to conferences where editors talk about how they still need articles about Abraham Lincoln or George Washington (a subject that's been covered time and time again), but they need an article for kids with a new slant. I imagine the same is true for a magazine like Good Housekeeping--the editors still need articles about tips for saving money or household cleaning secrets, but the article slant needs to be new and original.

One of the best ways to think of new article slants is to just engage in old-time brainstorming techniques of lists or word webs or brain maps. I like to put my subject, such as water safety, in a circle in the middle of the paper, and then create branches off the center with any idea that pops into my mind whether it's been done before or not. I keep going until I get an idea that is new or fresh or important and then write my query. As a matter of fact, I did this very exercise for the next WOW! issue on fiction writing and came up with an article about dialogue tags, which Angela accepted and will be in the July/August issue.

If the above writing prompt doesn't fit your genre or freelance writing career, you can substitute almost any topic for water safety and get your creative wheels moving. Here's wishing you have many light bulbs go off this weekend!

post by Margo L. Dill, http://margodill.com/blog/
photo by thomasbrightbill www.flickr.com

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Did you ever think it’s not the economy, of the toughness of the industry, or just plain bad luck that’s keeping you from flourishing as a freelance writer — but your own limiting beliefs? Many aspiring freelancers are wonderful writers with salable ideas, but they can’t break out of the writing-for-cheap (or worse, writing-for-free) stage and make a full-time living doing what they love. And even while they complain about their lack of success, they have plenty of seemingly-reasonable explanations for why they aren’t even trying.

Here are some of the excuses I’ve heard from my mentoring and e-course clients — and how you can bust those limiting beliefs.

Excuse #1: “I have to pay my dues.”

Many writers believe they can’t write for magazines that pay a decent fee until they “pay their dues” by writing for markets that pay peanuts. But who decides what constitutes paying your dues, how long you need to do it for, and even that you have to do it at all? The term “paying your dues” is meaningless, because no one has defined exactly what it is and when it ends.

When I hear someone say they have to pay their dues before pitching the magazines they really want to write for, I know it’s a stalling tactic. I never hear a writer say, “Well, now I’ve paid my dues and it’s time for me to get cracking on my dream markets.” Because there’s no defined limit to paying your dues, writers just keep toiling away at sure-thing markets instead of risking rejection by the big guys. It’s the perfect excuse for not making the leap to better markets.

I’ve never heard an editor, when approached by a writer with a brilliant query and stellar writing, say, “I can’t possibly accept this — this writer hasn’t paid her dues.” In fact, consider this:

* I have a friend whose very first clip was for Cosmopolitan. She went on to have a successful freelance writing career and even write books on freelancing.

* Last year one of my students landed an assignment to write a short for SELF magazine. She had not a single clip before that. Now, she’s working on an assignment for Parenting that’s worth $1,300. She’s had only two assignments and she’s never worked for less than $1.50 per word.

* I recently had a mentoring client who kept “paying her dues” by writing for exposure and wondering why she wasn’t making more money. I convinced her to stop writing for free and cheap, and within ten days she had an assignment that was worth twenty assignments from one of her el-cheapo clients.

* My very first assignment, based on my very first query back in 1996, paid $500. I never paid a dime of dues.

Look: Paying your dues is just an excuse. No one is tracking what you do and judging whether you have written for enough peanuts-paying clients to start pitching your dream markets. If you have a great idea and you present it well, no one will care whether you slogged your way up from the bottom or just burst onto the scene.

Excuse #2: “I need to learn more.”

I hate to say this since I teach e-courses of my own, but some writers take every writing course they can find yet never feel like they know enough to actually get started pitching markets. “I can’t get started because I don’t know every single thing there is to know about query writing.” “Well, now I know how to write a query, but what happens when I get an assignment? I

When I began freelancing, many publications didn't accept e-mail submissions. I kept ample postage and 9x12 envelopes in my supply closet, so I could send a query as soon as the idea printed on the heavy bond, cream-colored paper that contained the prerequisite watermark.

Then it was the wait-and-see game to see if my query landed in the hands of the editor or if it was held up in the filter, a.k.a. secretary or editorial assistant.

How times have - and haven't - changed in just 15 years!

Typically, editors prefer to receive a query via e-mail instead of snail mail. Still, writers play a waiting game. How can writers be certain the query lands in the editor's inbox and isn't being directed to the cyber highway's slush pile - the spam filter?

Every ISP has its own prescribed rules or filtering software; however, by following the general tips about e-mail subject lines listed below, your query can avoid ending up in technological black hole.

1. Check and double check spelling. Take a peek at the messages in your filtered mail folder. Many contain misspelled words. Verify the correct spelling of any words in your subject title. Not only will it help your message avoid the filter, attention to spelling and detail shows your professionalism.
2. Ditch subject lines typed in "all caps." All caps signals yelling, and netiquette warns against it. My personal exception to the rule is that I do type the word "QUERY" in this manner and type the rest of the subject line in regular type, capitalizing only where necessary.
3. Limit punctuation use. Filtering software keys on strange - and even misused - punctuation. I checked my filtered file. The majority of the messages included exclamation points in all the wrong places.
4. Shy away from filter-triggering words. Think about words you use in the subject line. Certain words, especially those with a double connotation, trigger filters.

Once you hit the send button, you still may play the waiting game. Keep in mind query guidelines, and if you don't hear from an editor, you may want to send a follow-up e-mail verifying your query has been received.

Keep the subject line of a query straightforward and avoid being trapped.

LuAnn Schindler is a freelance writer and editor; visit her website at http://luannschindler.com.

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