A year-long celebration to commemorate Elvis Presley's first professional recording on July 5, 1954, is set to take place on Independence Day weekend in Memphis and Graceland. There are people who believe that "the King" is still alive and that he planned his disappearance. So let's say that this was the case and that a very old Elvis is living in anonymity, somewhere, but makes rare appearances at nondescript venues like gas station diners to relive the good, old days.
Elvis – The Real Story
By Eleanor Tylbor
CAST OF CHARACTERS
TAMMY 40-something avid Elvis fan and wife of LenLEN 40-something husband of Tammy"THE" ELVIS, former big star/singer/performer
THE TIMEThe present THE PLACE
Jackson’s 7-11 GAS BAR AND DINER
Photos of Elvis cover a large portion of one wall; Elvis songs play none-stop. There are a few tables with chairs on one side of the room, while the other side of the room has the usual gas station products and displays of motor oil, etc. AT RISE:
TAMMY and LEN, two customers, are seated at a table looking around the room
LEN
(Scrutinizing the surroundings)
Um…who recommended this place?
TAMMY
(reading book)
The restaurant guide write-up says it’s fine dining with a difference
LEN
Fine dining if you’re a rat! Did you happen to notice that a cockroach just crawled out of our bread basket? Must be one that escaped the Chef’s special catch-of-the-day
TAMMY
Stop being so negative and take in the atmosphere
LEN
You mean the aromatic scent of “eau du trash” coming from the back? Phee-ew!
TAMMY
You’re so…so…provincial in your thinking, sweetheart. It's about this authentic ‘60’s décor that gives the place its special caché!
LEN
More like early condemned. Every square inch of wall space is covered with faded Elvis photos and the man’s been dead for how many years?
TAMMY
That's the beauty of this place! It’s like a shrine devoted to “The King.” It's all too…wonderful
LEN
Are you saying that this…this gas station and three table diner was the King of Rock and Roll’s eatery of choice? Not!
TAMMY
For your information they say he used to eat fried chicken here and sometimes he even entertained diners
LEN
If I had known we were coming here to eat, I’d have checked to make sure my insurance policy was paid up
TAMMY
You know how long I hadda wait to get reservations for this restaurant…
LEN
…obviously not long enough…
TAMMY
…seven months! If you think I’m going to give up the chance to dine here…
LEN
…and a fine dining establishment it is – if you’re into salmonella poisoning
TAMMY
Get a grip! The waiter is coming so try to act normal, if that’s possible
the waiter dressed in an Elvis jumpsuit struts over, swinging his hips in a
typical Elvis-like walk. He smoothes the sides of his hair with his hands,
frequently
WAITER
(swinging his hips between every word)
Evening folks’. Need a menu? Uh-huh – oh yeah…
LEN
No. We prefer to use ESP to order. Of course we need a menu!
TAMMY
Don’t mind my husband – I don’t. Leave the menu here and we’ll choose
LEN
So tacky. All the dishes are Elvis songs. 'Be-bop-a-lu-la' chicken wings…' The 'Love Me Tender' t-bone looks questionable and it comes with fries that are probably a couple months old and a 'I Did It My Way' salad. Look at this: says here on the menu that all their steaks are aged to perfection. Yesterday's road-kill most likely
TAMMY
Have you considered that your cranial spark plugs have stopped kicking in? I can’t make up my mind – so many choices…
the waiter comes over to take the order
LEN
Are all those dishes served a la carte?
WAITER
(swinging hips)
No – on a plate. Uh-huh…
TAMMY
Just choose something already
WAITER
Want me to come back, folks? Uh-huh…
LIGHTS DIM
TAMMY
Ssshhh! Quiet! The shows is gonna begin
SOUND: GUITAR TWANG
LEN
I don’t see why we hav’ta be quiet. Cheez – I can hear the sound of someone pumping gas outside, not to mention the smell. Mind you, it's hard to tell the difference between the food and the gas
(The song from “2001: A Space Odyssey” is heard and the waiter now dressed
in a mechanic’s uniform on the other side of the room walks in front of the
counter holding a hand mic.)
VOICE OVER
“For your entertainment and pllllea-sure, the King has entered the building!”
A very over-weight man dressed in a white jump suit enters, stopping to pose while leaning on a cane. A wide belt hangs well below a sagging stomach; black aviator glasses cover his eyes and a badly-fitting black wig sits lob-sided towards the front of his head
(VOICE-OVER)
“Direct from his engagement at the luxurious Pink Flamingo Laundromat and Bank Drive Thru in Tijuana, Mex-i-co, the management of Jackson’s 7/11 and Diner is proud to present, “the” King of Rock’n’Roll himself, the one – the only – El-vis!”
A bent over Elvis slowly makes his way to the other side of the room. He stoops over to kiss Len, who pushes him way
ELVIS
“Whoops – sorry. Gotta get my eyes checked
he whips out a dirty handkerchief, spits on it and cleans his eyes and replaces it in a back pocket
ELVIS
(in weak squeaky voice)
Thank y’all very much! It’s the first time I been back this way goin’ on twenty years…or maybe it’s thirty…could be forty… Anyway… Good t'see y’all ain’t fergetten the King
whips out his handkerchief again and blows his nose
ELVIS
Guess I ain’t the same Elvis you remember a ways back, huh? But then who is?
starts coughing and choking. Scantily dresses nurses rush over to pat him on
the back
ELVIS
See? I still got it but now I don’t know what to do with it! Thank y’all very much… Listen ladies – go see if you can find my extra set of dentures that I left in a steak yesterday.
starts to choke again and a well-endowed female doctor wearing tight fitting
clothing enters, with a stethoscope draped around her neck
DOCTOR
Now Mr. Elvis – honey – you know y'all gotta take it easy. Your ticker ain’t what it used to be
ELVIS
(laughing and staring at her breasts)
Yeah but ask me if I care. Thank you all very much. And now I’m gonna sing you a personal favourite of mine…at least I think it's a favorite...what's the name of the song now...nobody help me - it'll come back ...
Elvis sings the first few lines of “My Way” completely off-key
LEN
(starting to get up)
Oh fer… We’re not gonna stay and listen to this…
Sound of tires squeaking to a stop and the slam of car doors
ELVIS
Uh-oh…they’re coming back…I knew they’d find me… Damn aliens!
Two males wearing white outfits move on either side of Elvis and take
his arms
MALE 1
C’mon pops. You got another gig at the Sunnyvale Nursing Home
ELVIS
But…but…I ain’t finished my set, yet!
MALE 1
(shaking his head and winking at Len and Tammy)
You don’t wanna be late for your big entrance.
ELVIS
Where’s my peanut butter and banana sandwich. I caint sing without it!
MALE 1
Here you are…
the two men start to lead Elvis off the stage but Elvis stops and addresses the
couple
ELVIS
Thank you all very much!
Elvis walks over, signs a piece of paper and hands it to Len and then exits with the men
LEN
(addressing waiter)
That was not “the” Elvis Presley now, was it? You got us here under false pretences. And that’s against the law, y’know!
WAITER
The guy is over 80 years old. Whad’ya expect? He’s got two hip replacements, a bad knee and now all that shaking he does is the real thing, poor guy. By the way, know that piece of paper he handed you?
LEN
I really couldn’t care less about the man’s autograph… In fact this is what I think of you AND your Elvis
LEN rips up the piece of paper into small pieces
WAITER
You shouldn’t have done that. Uh-uh…
LEN
Elvis my a-s-s!
WAITER
That piece of paper would’a given you a free tank of gas with your meal. Oh well…uh-huh…
Len throws himself down on the floor picking up the pieces of paper trying to put them together
LEN
A tank of gas is a tank of gas is…
VOICE OVER
“The King has left the building”
LEN
(on his knees scooping up pieces of paper frantically)
Hang on a minute. I can stick these pieces together… Help me Tammy – at the price of gas these days…
©Eleanor Tylbor, 2009
Shake, Rattle & Turn That Noise Down!: How Elvis Shook Up Music, Me & Mom by Mark Alan Stamaty
When Mark Alan Stamaty’s parents gave him his own radio at age eight, they thought he’d be listening to the gentle popular music of the time. But one evening, Elvis and “Hound Dog” blasted from the radio and everything changed with rock and roll. Mark’s mother was alarmed at this new music and forbade him from buying any of Elvis’ records. Mark was still able to read about Elvis in magazines, listen to him on the radio, and even see him on TV. Eventually, Mark’s mother gave up and gave in and he was able to buy Elvis records. Mark changed the way he did his hair into an Elvis pompadour, helped the other boys in his class get the same look, and when his school picture was taken everyone thought he looked just like Elvis. So it was natural when the Cub Scout talent show came along that Mark impersonate Elvis, but how would his mother react?
Stamaty is a cartoonist and that shows in this book. Filled with the frames of cartoons, speech bubbles and caption, the book has its own rocking and rolling feel. His illustrations show a delightful mix of vintage and modern that echoes the feel of Elvis too. This book will not work well as a read-aloud because of the graphic novel format, but individuals will enjoy it immensely. The final pages of the book are a real treat as readers get to see the famous Elvis school picture and a snapshot of Mark performing in the Cub Scout event. There is also information on Mark performing as Elvis for President Clinton.
A humorous look at a moment in history, this picture book will be most appreciated by slightly older children who can identify with growing up and having preferences of one’s own. Appropriate for ages 6-9.
Reviewed from copy received from publisher.
Check out Linda Davick’s interview with Mark Alan Stamaty as well as Stamaty’s own website.
Elvin Lim is Assistant Professor of Government at Wesleyan University and author of The Anti-intellectual Presidency, which draws on interviews with more than 40 presidential speechwriters to investigate this relentless qualitative decline, over the course of 200 years, in our presidents’ ability to communicate with the public. He also blogs at www.elvinlim.com. In the article below he reflects on nostalgia for the 80’s. See his previous OUPblogs here.
Journalists are not usually in the habit of looking back. They are charged to deliver “breaking news” to us. Novelty is the coinage of the newsroom, not history. Yet this week, the media’s preponderant coverage of the life and death of Michael Jackson has been stridently nostalgic. It reveals a culture needing and ready to sing an ode to the 1980s.
We cannot turn back time, but we can mark its passing. Up till last week, popular culture hadn’t had the chance to address the passing of an 80s superstar and with that, the 1980s. We were given occasion to mourn and contemplate the passing of the 1950s with Elvis Presley’s untimely death, and the passing of the 1960s with John Lennon’s death. So we have sung an ode to the post-war consensus, as we have sung an ode to the cultural revolution.
But enough of the 80s has remained with us - MTV, Nintendo, Reaganomics - not defunct but writhing for relevance, that we have not dared sing its eulogy. Michael Jackson’s and Farrah Fawcett’s death has served us a dramatic notice that it may be time.
After all, it is unlikely that we will see another Michael Jackson. In our era where songs are downloaded one at a time, no one is likely to sell a 100 million records (of “Thriller” or any other album) again. The 80s are over, but it has taken us three decades to find a moment to collectively mark and mourn its passage.
Tragic deaths are compelling not only for human interest reasons, but for the decisive statement about our mortality they make. For if even iconic characters who once defined their age can be so suddenly ejected from the remorseless flow of history, then there is surely no stopping the march of time.
It is no surprise that Michael Jackson is more beloved posthumously than he was all of this decade. Elvis Presley too, had become more and more of a has-been as the 60s progressed. Time is never forgiving - our only feeble antidote is nostalgia. So wrote Joseph Conrad, “Only a moment; a moment of strength, of romance, of glamor–of youth! … A flick of sunshine upon a strange shore, the time to remember, the time for a sigh, and–good-bye!–Night–Good-bye…!”
If the 1980s and whatever the decade repesented are indeed over, then businessmen, journalists, and especially politicians - take note! Nostalgia can only occur when the past has been rendered past.
That's great. Elvis would make a great cartoon character :)
Wow, if this is life without novacaine, I gotta get me some of that!
Deborah! So nice to see you here. Miss you.
Look, people... post links to your blogs, okay? Deb's wonderful blog is here.
Deb, this is wonderful stuff! Love the color palette!