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1. Elvis - the Real Story...maybe

A year-long celebration to commemorate Elvis Presley's first professional recording on July 5, 1954, is set to take place on Independence Day weekend in Memphis and Graceland. There are people who believe that "the King" is still alive and that he planned his disappearance. So let's say that this was the case and that a very old Elvis is living in anonymity, somewhere, but makes rare appearances at nondescript venues like gas station diners to relive the good, old days.


Elvis – The Real Story
                                                      By Eleanor Tylbor
 
 CAST OF CHARACTERS

 
TAMMY        40-something avid Elvis fan and wife of Len
LEN                40-something husband of Tammy
"THE" ELVIS, former big star/singer/performer

 
THE TIME
The present

 THE PLACE
Jackson’s 7-11 GAS BAR AND DINER

 
Photos of Elvis cover a large portion of one wall; Elvis songs play none-stop. There are a few tables with chairs on one side of the room, while the other side of the room has the usual gas station products and displays of motor oil, etc.

 AT RISE:

 TAMMY and LEN, two customers, are seated at a table looking around the room
LEN
(Scrutinizing the surroundings)
Um…who recommended this place?
 
 TAMMY
(reading book)
The restaurant guide write-up says it’s fine dining with a difference
 
LEN
Fine dining if you’re a rat! Did you happen to notice that a cockroach just crawled out of our bread basket? Must be one that escaped the Chef’s special catch-of-the-day
 
TAMMY
Stop being so negative and take in the atmosphere
 
LEN
You mean the aromatic scent of “eau du trash” coming from the back? Phee-ew!
 
TAMMY
You’re so…so…provincial in your thinking, sweetheart. It's about this authentic ‘60’s décor that gives the place its special caché!
 
LEN
More like early condemned. Every square inch of wall space is covered with faded Elvis photos and the man’s been dead for how many years?
 
TAMMY
That's the beauty of this place! It’s like a shrine devoted to “The King.” It's all too…wonderful
 
LEN
Are you saying that this…this gas station and three table diner was the King of Rock and Roll’s eatery of choice? Not!
 
TAMMY
For your information they say he used to eat fried chicken here and sometimes he even entertained diners
 
LEN
If I had known we were coming here to eat, I’d have checked to make sure my insurance policy was paid up
 
TAMMY
You know how long I hadda wait to get reservations for this restaurant…
 
LEN
…obviously not long enough…
 
 
TAMMY
…seven months! If you think I’m going to give up the chance to dine here…
 
LEN
…and a fine dining establishment it is – if you’re into salmonella poisoning
 
TAMMY
Get a grip! The waiter is coming so try to act normal, if that’s possible
               the waiter dressed in an Elvis jumpsuit struts over, swinging his hips in a
              typical Elvis-like walk. He smoothes the sides of his hair with his hands,
             frequently
 
WAITER
(swinging his hips between every word)
Evening folks’. Need a menu? Uh-huh – oh yeah…
 
LEN
No. We prefer to use ESP to order. Of course we need a menu!
 
TAMMY
Don’t mind my husband – I don’t. Leave the menu here and we’ll choose
 
LEN
So tacky. All the dishes are Elvis songs. 'Be-bop-a-lu-la' chicken wings…' The 'Love Me Tender' t-bone looks questionable and it comes with fries that are probably a couple months old and a 'I Did It My Way' salad. Look at this: says here on the menu that all their steaks are aged to perfection. Yesterday's road-kill most likely
 
TAMMY
Have you considered that your cranial spark plugs have stopped kicking in? I can’t make up my mind – so many choices…
 
               the waiter comes over to take the order
 
LEN
Are all those dishes served a la carte?
 
WAITER
(swinging hips)
No – on a plate. Uh-huh…
 
TAMMY
Just choose something already
 
WAITER
Want me to come back, folks? Uh-huh…
 
                                                                                                            LIGHTS DIM
 
TAMMY
Ssshhh! Quiet! The shows is gonna begin
 
                                                                                            SOUND: GUITAR TWANG
 
LEN
I don’t see why we hav’ta be quiet. Cheez – I can hear the sound of someone pumping gas outside, not to mention the smell. Mind you, it's hard to tell the difference between the food and the gas
 
              (The song from “2001: A Space Odyssey” is heard and the waiter now dressed
              in a mechanic’s uniform on the other side of the room walks in front of the
             counter holding a hand mic.)
 
VOICE OVER
“For your entertainment and pllllea-sure, the King has entered the building!”
 A very over-weight man dressed in a white jump suit enters, stopping to pose while leaning on a cane. A wide belt hangs well below a sagging stomach; black aviator glasses cover his eyes and a badly-fitting black wig sits lob-sided towards the front of his head
(VOICE-OVER)
“Direct from his engagement at the luxurious Pink Flamingo Laundromat and Bank Drive Thru in Tijuana, Mex-i-co, the management of Jackson’s 7/11 and Diner is proud to present, “the” King of Rock’n’Roll himself, the one – the only – El-vis!”
 
A bent over Elvis slowly makes his way to the other side of the room. He stoops  over to kiss Len, who pushes him way
 
ELVIS
“Whoops – sorry. Gotta get my eyes checked
 
he whips out a dirty handkerchief, spits on it and cleans his eyes and replaces it in a back pocket
 
ELVIS
(in weak squeaky voice)
Thank y’all very much! It’s the first time I been back this way goin’ on twenty years…or maybe it’s thirty…could be forty… Anyway… Good t'see y’all ain’t fergetten the King
              whips out his handkerchief again and blows his nose
 
ELVIS
Guess I ain’t the same Elvis you remember a ways back, huh? But then who is?
 
              starts coughing and choking. Scantily dresses nurses rush over to pat him on
             the back
 
ELVIS
See? I still got it but now I don’t know what to do with it! Thank y’all very much… Listen ladies – go see if you can find my extra set of dentures that I left in a steak yesterday.
 
              starts to choke again and a well-endowed female doctor wearing tight fitting
             clothing enters, with a stethoscope draped around her neck
 
DOCTOR
Now Mr. Elvis – honey – you know y'all gotta take it easy. Your ticker ain’t what it used to be
 
 
ELVIS
(laughing and staring at her breasts)
Yeah but ask me if I care. Thank you all very much. And now I’m gonna sing you a personal favourite of mine…at least I think it's a favorite...what's the name of the song now...nobody help me - it'll come back ...
 
              Elvis sings the first few lines of “My Way” completely off-key
 
LEN
(starting to get up)
Oh fer… We’re not gonna stay and listen to this…
 
              Sound of tires squeaking to a stop and the slam of car doors
 
ELVIS
Uh-oh…they’re coming back…I knew they’d find me… Damn aliens!
 
              Two males wearing white outfits move on either side of Elvis and take
              his arms
 
                                                                                                
MALE 1
C’mon pops. You got another gig at the Sunnyvale Nursing Home
 
ELVIS
But…but…I ain’t finished my set, yet!
 
MALE 1
(shaking his head and winking at Len and Tammy)
You don’t wanna be late for your big entrance.
 
ELVIS
Where’s my peanut butter and banana sandwich. I caint sing without it!
 
MALE 1
Here you are…
 
               the two men start to lead Elvis off the stage but Elvis stops and addresses the
              couple
ELVIS
Thank you all very much!
 
Elvis walks over, signs a piece of paper and hands it to Len and then exits with the men
 
LEN
(addressing waiter)
That was not “the” Elvis Presley now, was it? You got us here under false pretences. And that’s against the law, y’know!
 
WAITER
The guy is over 80 years old. Whad’ya expect? He’s got two hip replacements, a bad knee and now all that shaking he does is the real thing, poor guy. By the way, know that piece of paper he handed you?
 
LEN
I really couldn’t care less about the man’s autograph… In fact this is what I think of you AND your Elvis
               LEN rips up the piece of paper into small pieces
 
WAITER
You shouldn’t have done that. Uh-uh…
 
LEN
Elvis my a-s-s!
 
WAITER
That piece of paper would’a given you a free tank of gas with your meal. Oh well…uh-huh…
 
Len throws himself down on the floor picking up the pieces of paper trying to put them together
 
LEN
A tank of gas is a tank of gas is…
 
VOICE OVER
“The King has left the building”
 
LEN
(on his knees scooping up pieces of paper frantically)
Hang on a minute. I can stick these pieces together… Help me Tammy – at the price of gas these days…
 
 ©Eleanor Tylbor, 2009

0 Comments on Elvis - the Real Story...maybe as of 6/25/2014 10:59:00 AM
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2. Playing The Ryman

The Ryman. Most famous former home of the Grand Ole Opry. The stage musicians long to play on.

Legendary.

Musicians say when they Play the Ryman--(because you don't "play at the Ryman", you "play the Ryman")--no matter how famous they are--they are without fail humbled. Humbled thinking about all legends who have trod the same boards before them. Legends including Elvis, Johnny Cash (who met his wife June Carter for the first time back stage at the Ryman), Patsy Cline. They all played the Ryman.

Emmy Lou Harris, Neil Young, Mumford and Sons, Coldplay have all played the Ryman.

And now me. Yes, I "Played the Ryman."

Elviscash122257

Last December around this time, I found myself sitting on that same legendary stage looking out at the audience--sitting among my wonderfully talented musician friends--and having really no idea how I got there. I'm a children's book writer. This is not part of what we do.

And yet--there I was "Playing the Ryman." (I was not singing you'll be relieved to hear--just reading from my books). I was honored to be part of Andrew Peterson's moving BEHOLD THE LAMB OF GOD Christmas concert.

And here I am back again for another year. Thanks to Andrew. And I can't wait.

(And I'll still be pinching myself.)

(And sending photos to prove it to you--but mostly to prove it to me.)

SLJ.

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3. Ypulse Essentials: Beavis and Butthead Watch 'Jersey Shore', College Students Drink Less, Macy's Goes On Spring Break

MTV partners with IntoNow (to promote new episodes Jersey Shore. IntoNow is an app much like Shazam, except it tags TV shows instead of songs. Viewers who tag six or more original broadcast airings will have a chance to win a trip to the next... Read the rest of this post

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4. The B List

The alphabet marches on and we have arrived at “B” week. Naturally, there are many words needing our attention this week--bugs, butterflies, babies, bananas--but one is a can’t miss: bees. It’s particularly handy for teaching the letter, being exactly the same and all, but I have a complicated relationship with bees. I really love honey, but have done the whole honey-retrieval process, including suiting up and puffing out eye-stinging smoke, and would never eat honey if that was the only way I could get it. I am a hard-core pacifist, but experience an almost delirious joy at the idea that a bee I’ve just been stung by has ripped its own guts out and will soon die. I can get on board with the queen concept--giving proper credit to those who actually do the work of procreating is an idea humans could learn from--but feel a little uncomfortable with the drone situation for personal reasons (even though I know they are all boys). What to do? Of course, I may be overthinking things in light of the fact that we’re talking about stories for toddlers, but any two year-old who knows the words to both Queen’s “We Will Rock You” and Elvis’ “Fools Rush In” is obviously picking up messages we don’t even know we’re sending. Regardless of my relationship status with the bee folk, they are fascinating. In Elizabeth Winchester’s Bees!, we learned that one beehive houses 70,000 bees. That’s how many people go to the Superbowl. Who knew?

http://www.amazon.com/Time-Kids-Bees-Editors/dp/0060576421

http://www.amazon.com/Elizabeth-Winchester/e/B001IR1C6K

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5. MA_Caricature

This is the closest thing I've come to a caricature.

4 Comments on MA_Caricature, last added: 2/24/2010
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6. Shake, Rattle & Turn That Noise Down!

 

Shake, Rattle & Turn That Noise Down!: How Elvis Shook Up Music, Me & Mom by Mark Alan Stamaty

When Mark Alan Stamaty’s parents gave him his own radio at age eight, they thought he’d be listening to the gentle popular music of the time.  But one evening, Elvis and “Hound Dog” blasted from the radio and everything changed with rock and roll.  Mark’s mother was alarmed at this new music and forbade him from buying any of Elvis’ records.  Mark was still able to read about Elvis in magazines, listen to him on the radio, and even see him on TV.  Eventually, Mark’s mother gave up and gave in and he was able to buy Elvis records.  Mark changed the way he did his hair into an Elvis pompadour, helped the other boys in his class get the same look, and when his school picture was taken everyone thought he looked just like Elvis.  So it was natural when the Cub Scout talent show came along that Mark impersonate Elvis, but how would his mother react?

Stamaty is a cartoonist and that shows in this book.  Filled with the frames of cartoons, speech bubbles and caption, the book has its own rocking and rolling feel.  His illustrations show a delightful mix of vintage and modern that echoes the feel of Elvis too.  This book will not work well as a read-aloud because of the graphic novel format, but individuals will enjoy it immensely.  The final pages of the book are a real treat as readers get to see the famous Elvis school picture and a snapshot of Mark performing in the Cub Scout event.  There is also information on Mark performing as Elvis for President Clinton.

A humorous look at a moment in history, this picture book will be most appreciated by slightly older children who can identify with growing up and having preferences of one’s own.  Appropriate for ages 6-9.

Reviewed from copy received from publisher.

Check out Linda Davick’s interview with Mark Alan Stamaty as well as Stamaty’s own website.

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7. Happy Birthday, Elvis Presley!

As some of you know, I am a huge Elvis fan. I don't keep his toenail clippings in a jar or anything like that, but I am fairly convinced I was his past-life lover.


I won't clutter up this blog with random Elvis photos for your oogling pleasure (you can drop by my personal blog for that), but what kind of past-life lover would I be if I didn't publicly wish him a HAPPY 75th BIRTHDAY!!!!

Elvis Aaron Presley
Jan. 8 1935- Aug. 16 1977


see ^ proof!

5 Comments on Happy Birthday, Elvis Presley!, last added: 1/11/2010
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8. elv...

a little less conversation, a little more action
Dammit! I think I read that challenge wrong...

3 Comments on elv..., last added: 12/3/2009
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9. My Visit from the Halloween Cupcake Goddess

   

   My friends, Alexia and Missy, decorated Halloween cupcakes and used the leftover muffin cups as inspiration for an unusual costume.  Both will join us on Saturday night for some trick-or-treating and handing out candy.  
    Last year, Alexia made good use out of my karaoke machine by turning up the echo and making ghost sounds for visitors.  After the trick-or-treaters went home, we dug into the candy, loaded some CD's and sang Elvis songs for each other.  
    Looking forward to another sugar-fueled Elvis-a-thon this year, too.  Hey, I think we have holiday tradition in the making!
   Booooooo!   


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10. Michael Jackson, Nostalgia, and the 1980s

Elvin Lim is Assistant Professor of Government at Wesleyan University and author of The Anti-intellectual Presidency, which draws on interviews with more than 40 presidential speechwriters to investigate this relentless qualitative decline, over the course of 200 years, in our presidents’ ability to communicate with the public. He also blogs at www.elvinlim.com. In the article below he reflects on nostalgia for the 80’s. See his previous OUPblogs here.

Journalists are not usually in the habit of looking back. They are charged to deliver “breaking news” to us. Novelty is the coinage of the newsroom, not history. Yet this week, the media’s preponderant coverage of the life and death of Michael Jackson has been stridently nostalgic. It reveals a culture needing and ready to sing an ode to the 1980s.

We cannot turn back time, but we can mark its passing. Up till last week, popular culture hadn’t had the chance to address the passing of an 80s superstar and with that, the 1980s. We were given occasion to mourn and contemplate the passing of the 1950s with Elvis Presley’s untimely death, and the passing of the 1960s with John Lennon’s death. So we have sung an ode to the post-war consensus, as we have sung an ode to the cultural revolution.

But enough of the 80s has remained with us - MTV, Nintendo, Reaganomics - not defunct but writhing for relevance, that we have not dared sing its eulogy. Michael Jackson’s and Farrah Fawcett’s death has served us a dramatic notice that it may be time.

After all, it is unlikely that we will see another Michael Jackson. In our era where songs are downloaded one at a time, no one is likely to sell a 100 million records (of “Thriller” or any other album) again. The 80s are over, but it has taken us three decades to find a moment to collectively mark and mourn its passage.

Tragic deaths are compelling not only for human interest reasons, but for the decisive statement about our mortality they make. For if even iconic characters who once defined their age can be so suddenly ejected from the remorseless flow of history, then there is surely no stopping the march of time.

It is no surprise that Michael Jackson is more beloved posthumously than he was all of this decade. Elvis Presley too, had become more and more of a has-been as the 60s progressed. Time is never forgiving - our only feeble antidote is nostalgia. So wrote Joseph Conrad, “Only a moment; a moment of strength, of romance, of glamor–of youth! … A flick of sunshine upon a strange shore, the time to remember, the time for a sigh, and–good-bye!–Night–Good-bye…!”

If the 1980s and whatever the decade repesented are indeed over, then businessmen, journalists, and especially politicians - take note! Nostalgia can only occur when the past has been rendered past.

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11.

Some people are lucky enough to share a birthday with the likes of Jane Austen, but I suppose I am a little lucky too . . . not everyone can say they share one with a King.

Happy Birthday to us...

31 Comments on , last added: 1/14/2009
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12. El rey en el trono

The is a piece i have been working on for a Day of the dead themed art show at the Cactus Gallery in Eagle Rock, CA.

inspired by the day of the dead art and the candy sugar skulls



http:​/​/​www.​ myspa​ce.​ com/​cactu​sgall​ery

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13. Elvis


Finally I managed to upload my picture, pfff, just in time! When I was kid, I was a big fan of Elvis, I even had a live-size poster hanging on my door.

1 Comments on Elvis, last added: 6/2/2008
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14. TURTLE ELVIS



6 Comments on TURTLE ELVIS, last added: 6/3/2008
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15. elvis and his babyface




hi! i always surprise when i see elvis' babyface - at an early stage - i think he had a really perfect, so regular face - as jim morrison had too. i know the beauty is not enough but it is to be regreted that both of them had eaten by rock&roll.

3 Comments on elvis and his babyface, last added: 6/1/2008
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16. The King?






Franco always knew his Elvis impersonation would get him somewhere. He just found out he was cast as Conrad Birdie in the senior class musical!!!

http://robertabaird.com

A Mouse in the House

1 Comments on The King?, last added: 6/1/2008
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17. elvis (part 2)

The Monday Artday challenge this week is "Elvis".
I hope I haven't bored you.
Sure, he was known worldwide as "The King", but here are a few little-known facts about Elvis Presley.
He was a black belt in karate.
His entourage were known collectively as the Memphis Mafia.
None of Elvis’s 31 feature films were ever nominated for an Oscar in any category.
Elvis recorded more than 600 songs in his music career, but didn’t write a single one of them.
Some of Elvis’s bejewelled jumpsuits weighed more than twenty-eight pounds.
He only performed five concerts outside the United States – all in Canada in 1957.
Led Zeppelin were big fans of Elvis and were desperate to meet him when they toured the US.
Elvis collected marble statues of the Venus de Milo and Joan of Arc.
Elvis’s favorite soft drink was Pepsi.
Elvis had "the hots" for Elizabeth Montgomery.
Elvis wore a cross, a chai (Hebrew for "life") , and a star of David around his neck. He said, “I don’t want to miss out on heaven due to a technicality.”
Elvis' favorite sandwich was a grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich.
Elvis' favorite dessert was a hot fudge and amphetamine sundae.

3 Comments on elvis (part 2), last added: 6/1/2008
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18. Elvis


Just a quick sketch I did and decided to add some glam to... Elvis is shiny!
A note to all those who dance - hip thrusts apparently lead to making your bottom half look kinda horsey!

1 Comments on Elvis, last added: 6/1/2008
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19. Diana Evans' Elvis


Elvis was my Father-in-Laws favorite singer.....
so I want to dedicate this to my late Father-in-Law....
Cheers,
Diana

2 Comments on Diana Evans' Elvis, last added: 6/1/2008
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20. Elvis

Two recent pieces that were inspired in part by Elvis ...

Hi There

Lovin Teddy Bear
Lovin Teddy Bear!

0 Comments on Elvis as of 5/28/2008 4:22:00 AM
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21. elvis

um, not THIS one, right?

4 Comments on elvis, last added: 6/2/2008
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22. Weekly Challenge - Elvis

Hey, gang! This week we're doing a theme suggested by Pascal.

Elvis (or Elvis impersonator)

Have fun!

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23. Oslo, Norway

bens-place.jpg

Oslo, Norway

Coordinates: 59 54 N 10 43 E

Population: 808,000 (2007 est.)

I’m not sure if location, expense, or as the Onion’s Our Dumb World insinuates, a residual fear of Viking invasion is to blame, but Oslo, one of my favorite European cities, doesn’t seem to get its fair share of attention. (more…)

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24. Taking Care of Business

" For reasons I cannot explain
There's some part of me wants to see
Graceland"
Paul Simon

Well friends I'm home from Memphis, TN. The snow sparkles and shimmers outside my window and icicles drip on my neck each time I scoot out the door and I am happy. Happy to be home in my comfy bed, happy to empty my suitcase, happy to have my computer and my routines and regular bedtimes. It was lovely to reconnect as a family for 10 whole days. We'll be back together when the snows melt. (Or maybe sooner considering the persistent snowfall.)

We did visit Graceland and I felt that I was, as the song suggests, pulled there by some inexplicable force. I loved the obvious, the stained glass peacock windows, the mirrored TV room with 3 TV's, the fabric covered walls of the billiards room, the golden seat belt buckles on the airplane.

But the lasting memory is the more subtle fact that this man, this celebrity, this incredibly prolific artist was frozen in time. Elvis was frozen in his youth and as a poor youth he bought a fancy house that is actually pretty small compared to the Extreme Makeover homes of today. We still see him as he was because he and his work never had a chance to evolve. The tour and its information were choreographed to move the thousands of people through his life in a clean and organized manner. The treatment of his death gets one sentence about "heart failure" and "prescription medications." Even as we walk through hallways glistening with gold and platinum awards, we, I feel for him because of what could have been.


We did plenty of other things too. I highly recommend the Pink Palace Museum and the Children's Museum of Memphis. FedEx is headquartered in Memphis and has given a lot of corporate funds to the CMOM which includes a great flight exhibit. We also saw A Year With Frog and Toad at the Orpheum theatre. If you are a parent in Memphis look out for other children's productions, including the Very Hungry Catepillar, coming to the Orpheum later this spring. A huge thank you to the Bricks and the Abbots for taking us in, feeding and treating us like family. Take care of hubby while he's down south for me.

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25. Santiago, Chile

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Santiago, Chile

Coordinates: 33 26 S 70 40 W

Population: 5,623,000 (2007 est.)

For Chileans, February 12th marks an important moment in the history of their country. On this day in 1541, Pedro de Valdivia, a Spanish conquistador, founded Santiago de Nueva Extremadura on Saint Lucia Hill overlooking the Mapocho River. Present-day Santiago eventually grew to fill most of the basin of the same name and currently ranks as the sixth largest city in South American and the tenth most populous in the Western Hemisphere. (more…)

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