Madam Barrakissa would like to share some wisdom today:

“Ask for help. But always ask for the best possible help for the situation. Crappy help, though well-intentioned, only makes things worse.”

Umm…thank you Madam.

Bill and I went to the new library the other day and I am writing this from a cozy seat there now. You should see the new building. It’s a bit out of place in our AZ town–modern architecture, futuristic design, bright orange chairs and state of the art computers. It looks like a spaceship. I keep wondering when we are going to take off.

While hanging out in the non-fiction area, I overhead the beginning of a conversation.  A woman with her daughter was complaining about the new library. It’s too big…she can’t find anything…why didn’t they carry this book or that? The complaints didn’t stop. The vent was blowing on her head (but she refused to move). They only have one vegan cookbook and it’s not even the most up to date.  

I glanced over at Bill who frowned. “Why then, doesn’t she leave?” He whispered to me.

After twenty minutes of this barrage of nasty complaints, I was feeling cranky myself! This woman, I thought, must be absolutely miserable. How can anything good get through that?

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve had a few bad days where my nasties probably came out like that–in a barrage of criticisms. This was a scary mirror I didn’t want to have.

When we got home, there was Emma Lou Bangles, our 3 year old basset girl. (A mirror I’d like to have.) Emma Lou, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of the cranky library patron. Emma Lou is excited about everything. A leaf? Cool! The sun is out? Yeah! A kiss? Oh good. A moving bug on the carpet? Even better!  She is a high energy, vibrational being made of pure God. All she sees is light.

Perhaps the cranky patron was once like Emma Lou, and somewhere along the way, that light inside of her got horribly blocked. She couldn’t see the leaf, or the sun, or even delight over the crawling bug! They all become nuisances.

So, today, which are you? Don’t become a cranky patron. Hang out with the Emma Lou’s and have them rub off on you.

Hey, is that glitter? Cool….

To continue my character series:

Character name: Little Left

“Sometimes we spread ourselves too thin, give out too much, that there is very little left for ourselves.”

Other characters: Beauty

Madam Barrakissa Bamba

Some Halloween images to delight and inspire you…

Don’t get filled up on too much candy.

Put on your scary costume.

Meet lots of interesting characters trick or treating. Are they all disguises?

Are you ready for the blessings of Hall-oween?

Now is the time the veil is thin. We can talk with those who have crossed over more easily.

Happy conversations!

from Designing Fairy and the Halls.

Madam Barrakissa says, “Empaths, Just because you can feel it, see it and experience it, does not mean you have to fix it.”

(my little alter ego filled with wisdom, Madam Barrakissa Bamba. The name is taken from a nigerian spam email. Isn’t it fabulous?)

new character: Alistair, the little bear.

It’s amazing how switching from glasses to contact lenses again has changed my perception in life.

One thing I have noticed is I felt more protected when I had glasses. This seems strange.The glasses created a nice barrier between what I was seeing and the world. Without them, I feel vulnerable and exposed.

Being so empathic, I realize that if indeed, the eyes are a window to the soul, perhaps by seeing eye-to-eye with others I may have the tendency to jump in and read too much of another person. I don’t need to go there! My glasses are usually always dirty in some way so that extra barrier must help also.

I feel more attractive with the contact lenses back in place after the long absence, perhaps after years of brainwashing that girls with glasses don’t get passes? Ha ha. I am not sure. It’s not to the world I want to feel attractive with, but myself. I can see my eyes again and all the emotion behind them.

Seeing clearly has other disadvantages. Did I really want to notice this or that? I already notice too much in my environment. It’s almost another barrier to focusing on myself and my own world–another trap for an empath.

As I write this, my left contact is growing fuzzy. Resistant to the new vision? Do I want to run for the glasses and hide again? Maybe…

Doodle: trees.

It’s a repeat for some, I created it for “forgotten,” but I really like this piece and it fits the topic well of flying.

It’s a good reminder for all of us: we are not as powerless as we think.

Well, the energies are weird. I don’t know if it is just me, since my own family is going through so much, but it does seem rampant among friends and acquaintances.

In dance class today, I walked into the room and my normally friendly group were closed down and cranky. One student looked at me and sighed, “I’m having a really bad day.” Oh, can relate!

Maybe it is the economy which seems rather stagnant, or the strong energies coming through doing clean sweeps through our lives. It’s an opportunity to heal rather big things that were never healed, pointing at this and that,  if we can withstand the pressure and have the courage. One common symptom–your mind can’t shut off! That’s because we are processing so much right now. There’s downloads of where we are supposed to be and more insights on what we need to truly heal. That’s a great deal of information! And the nasty people are getting nastier. If we continue to try to educate them and heal them, we will be down with the nasties, feeling what they feel, and that ain’t right. Say your peace from that higher place, and walk away!

Call on your Angels whether in human or cosmic forms, fellow lightseekers. Ask for the support. We need it right now.

We’ve had a crazy time with it lately with our special needs kid and our messed up PT cruiser.  But, I still wanted to squeeze in an IF submission. Please also note our new Color Healing with the Fairies for Creatives and Healers online class-sign-ups now forming. Healing artists take note! Do check it out here.

For Pattern, I chose one of my favorite art pieces. It’s the Map of the Fairy world I use on my website and in online classes. It’s filled with patterns! It’s a distorted bird eye’s view of the healing, natural world. It started out as an experiment in gouache paint.

October online classes forming! New Color Healing too. Go sign up here.

I was going through my blog posts to put together for a writing portfolio, and I came across my favorite post on manifesting. It still works, or, um, doesn’t work today.

1. Obsess over what you don’t have. This is very important for not manifesting what you want.
2. Freak out completely over what is missing.
3. Begin to deteriorate emotionally and question if your Guides give a flying monkey or not if you eat, or have gas money, or what you need. Don’t trust at all. And absolutely, don’t, under any circumstances, remind yourself of times when your Guides and the Universe came through for you. This may be the time they don’t.
4. Feel resentment because what you need isn’t coming from the sources you think it should. Resent everyone. It’s probably their fault.
5. Don’t allow yourself to play, relax, or enjoy anything, because after all, you need to only focus on creating what you need. This is the responsible way to do things.
6. Be extra hard on yourself for not manifesting what you need. Tell yourself you are flawed in some way or that no one cares about you.
7. Force yourself to do things you hate, or that you should do, to get what you want.
8. Obsess some more. Obsessing is always a good thing to show the Universe how much you really care.
9. And finally, and this is very important, take all of this very, very seriously.

For the topic of Infinite, I kept seeing birds in my head, as far as the eyes can see. This is what developed.

(Butterfly doctor by Ronni a. Hall)

Yesterday, at Adrienne’s Fairy and Angel chat on Ning, we met a unicorn. It was a powerful invocation led by Adrienne which led me face to face with a white horse with horn. The unicorn’s message was that my heart was blocked and that most of my Guides have been working overtime to reopen that space in my chest!

It’s been a very tough summer. Our RAD teen has been at cross-purposes with our goals to be a happy family. She really only wants control, not love, at this time. The mostly sweet little girl is replaced by something foreign and her actions and words have done a number on us.  So, meeting this unicorn with this message seemed timely and true.

This morning I woke from a dream visit with my Mom. She reminded me to take care of my inner child, the one who has been bullied and ignored through most of the summer.

I had a special Mom. She often gave me small presents that my inner child loves, well up until I was older and grown and in my 30s. I tried to parent my daughter the same way giving her gifts and toys for special occasions. With her therapists lately she complains how the bag of clothes I gave her were not good enough and I should know what she likes, or the book I tried to give her (Sark) I thought she’d like, was me forcing her to read something. (RAD teens hate to be nurtured or parented unless they feel in control). What really hurt was when most of her “stuff” I gave her through those years were put into the yard sale we had.

I had to think…was I also rejecting my own inner parenting to myself? Was I telling myself what I was doing wasn’t enough? What I was giving not enough? Was I even spending time with my inner child? Who, unlike my daughter, would actually appreciate and enjoy it?

I think the white unicorn represents our inner child’s power and glory.  When we deny it and act too adult, we lose our power. We lose our special light inside.

Go embrace your inner unicorn! Seek out the fun part of you. The one that loves stickers and tiny toys. It’s the place to start for the wounded heart.

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Sign up for Fairy Online School or meet your Guides in a reading.

Okay, the energies have been wild lately! If you are sensitive, you are feeling it. I’ve had a bug lately and because of the fever, I was so ungrounded and seeing the energies. it was coming off of everything! There’s been lots of spirit contact,  lots of changes, and lots of Guides hanging nearby (opposite of what Emerging Angels has reported). My Guides have been near as well as, many clients’ Guides lending a hand. The energy is building for big changes and new doors opening that are about to happen. It’s been busy! It may be Mercury Retrograde, but it’s also a weird time of year..August/September.

Funny story…one year many moons ago, I saw a career counselor at the college I often take enrichment classes at in desperation and frustration.  We went over my Myers Brigg and decided I was an INFJ. I told her I was so tired of my work at the time and I wanted a change. I mentioned how I wanted to create books and art.

Switch to the next year. I went to same career counselor. Bitched about the same things. She told, “Do you realize you showed up here the exact time of year as last time?” Apparently, the August/September slump time affects me greatly. I worry about paying the basics and if this is what I should be doing…blah blah blah. Come October, things really pick up and I shut up again until January slump.

I tell this to myself after massive marketing and publicity and still just coming out of slow times. Apparently, there is a rhythm to life we can’t avoid. Perhaps each year I am one step more ahead. Or maybe I need to ask for more.

Big thanks to Etsystalker for featuring Emma Lou in their Ode to Basset Hounds. I wonder if Emma’s higher self had something to do with it.  The print is available at my store and would look fab-u-lous on your wall.

Check out pages from my Fairy Field Guide and my interview with The Fairy Guide here. “I see fairies as tiny lights.”

Okay, one big last commercial and then time for a nice long Labor Day weekend break (although, I want to do a yard sale).

Big thanks for the support for the merging of blogs! My old friends came and visited over here and said hi. Very nice outpouring. I am so happy! Hello to all my fellow IF friends.

Today, we are all reminded to Trust, Trust and double Trust even though there is quiet and slow down, etc. I find this very hard to do in the throws of any kind of panic or lack.

I am feeling much of my energy come back slowly from the places it’s been held up—the blog where I gave too much and received too little, the overwhelming issues with family and children, and parts of my business that isn’t feeding me.

New doors are only peeking open at this time. Design and writing compliments? Very nice. Teach at a few new places? Also nice. I, like many of the folks I am giving readings too, are wondering what new directions I am being pulled to?

Where can you call back your energy? Where can you trust?

And now for the big commercial….(drum roll)…I will only do this once, as I already did enough mentions all month long.

There is still time to sign up for Fairies 101. All other classes start in October, so September is the time to sign up. If you live in northern AZ, I am giving a fairy workshop next weekend. See here.

Potions are still for sale to help you balance and heal.

Fairy readings are available and appear to be in demand at this time as everyone is feeling a little disconnected. These include your Guides of all kinds.

And, thanks to all for checking out the new art website here.

Okay, done with the commercial. Have a great weekend. Trust, trust, trust.

For my long absence at IF, I present Magnify. Many of our fears are monsters magnified from inside of us. “Befriend the feared monsters inside of you and bring them into the light.”

color pencil and ink and a touch of Photoshop

print available at my Etsy shop

Emma Lou, our basset hound, ate a bottle of chewable glucosamine yesterday. After the panic, and quick calls to the doctor, we were told she would probably be very bloated and gassy, but she’d be fine. Can you imagine? After eating a bottle? Thank goodness!

Here’s the weird part…and there is always a weird part with my life. The day before Jessica was home from school from eating four peppers from a classmate. She got sick from eating them and ending up in the nurse’s office.

Big coincidence. The next morning I dreamt about Emma being poisoned by a vampire, sick, but okay.

The vet said on the phone that eating too much of glucosamine, a relatively safe supplement, may upset Emma’s blood sugar temporarily. Blood, vampire. Hmmm.

Being the spiritually-minded person that I am, I always look for the big picture or message here. Was the dream a premonition–that which was going to happen? Or, what was planned? What was I taking in that was poisoning me, even if temporarily. What do you think?

I think my heart is closed down.

I just came back from a dance class at the college, which felt glorious and fun. Doing fun dance steps, swaying to the beats of the music, brought me back to the olden days when dancing was nurturing for me. I practically grew up in a dance studio from the time I was four or five. My second home, is what my Mom would call it. The poor woman had to play taximom to my sister and I back and forth to the studio. I grew up with the owner’s daughter, Haley, and I have fond memories of playing with Dawn dolls and dollhouses in her room at the back of the studio.

There are some bad memories too, when I got older in high school, still dancing, but then battling body image, a tough teacher now saying curves were not good, and as a result, the beginning of an eating disorder. Some of those memories are coming back as my older body has entered the dance class among the young ones, but I don’t want those memories to override my joy.

The coincidences are overpowering right now in regards to this class. My one dance teacher was Russian and called me affectionately “Runny.” This teacher at the college is also Russian. When I heard her call my name the same way, mixed feelings swept through me.

Old loves and lost joy are the themes coming up for me now. I used to adore writing and took every class at the college I could. My first writing class I met one of my best friends and felt a delicious belonging I hadn’t felt for some time. I am now taking a class in play and screenwriting, which brings me back to my acting days, more times of belonging and happiness.

I haven’t lost drawing, which I am grateful for. Through the years, however hard they may have been, I kept at it. Paper and pen flowing.

Ironically, I taught my Fairy Joy class this summer for the first time. I needed the class most of all. You see, I had lost my joy and closed my heart. I know this now. We are raising a very sweet and charming kid, who has lots and lots of issues from having a very tough beginning. That beginning colored her world and made it a place of hard survival and trauma. The problem is, she doesn’t differentiate between then and now. She has the same tactics: manipulation to get what she needs, lying, false accusations, splitting, triangulation, creating drama, etc. It’s way above even the normal teenage stuff. But what she shows others is a perfect young girl, so we look like the bad guys. As you can imagine, it’s been very, very hard for us to give while not feeling anger.

So, I am exhausted. I’m spent. My husband and I  meet with several therapists a week to learn how to parent her and try to undo the exhaustion, the lack of joy, and the misunderstood & uneducated comments from the outside world.

Which brings me back to my joy and the classes. What I wrote first here is the most telling. Dance was nurturing. Through trips to the studio I spent time with my Mom, who has since crossed over too early. Mom was nurturance growing up. Writing is from my soul–a gift from me to you. Drawing connects me to that little girl unaffected by the losses and pains of the world. In the process of trying to heal our little girl, we got caught up and began to live in the rollercoaster of her world–a very dark, hurting place. And much worse, those who were meant to be helpful, hurt us much more, by not witnessing us or honoring our needs. From this dark place, we forgot how to nurture ourselves. We may even have felt we didn’t deserve to be nurtured. The message we repeatedly got: Parents only give selflessly and have no needs of their own. I’ve seen this dynamic lately mirrored in my outside world by not getting what I need–the very basics. But I had forgotten the food for my soul, the very basics for my inner world’s needs–the art, the words, the movement, the mothering!

God, the Universe, my spirit helpers, brought me to these classes and gave me the coincidences. This has led me to the understanding that we can not give from an empty place. As parents we have a right to our own needs too. As healers, artists and teachers, also. We need to open our hearts again and we can only truly do that when we are fed.

(If you are needing your joy back, consider the Fairy Joy class to rediscover what feeds you. Sign-ups are happening right now.)

good reminder. print available at my etsy store.

A little reminder…

Fairy Online School classes start this week. (Next session isn’t until October, so sign up now!)

We are running a cool special–sign up with a friend and one of you gets tuition half off! Very cool. Only for August.

• If you are grappling with your increasing sensitivity, and many of us are nowadays, the Care of the Sensitive class offers natural tools to give relief and balance.
• Now is the time to communicate deeper with your animals! What does he want? Need? Help with behavioral or health issues? Be a better animal parent. Take the Animal Communication class.
• Want to connect to animals that have crossed over? You know that bond is still there and they may be trying to connect with you. Take the Animal Mediumship class.
• Want to make flower essences? Take the Fairy Beginner class. A very lighthearted course with info to get you started.
• Life is depressing, hard? Need some Fairy Joy in your life? Fairies 101 is a sampler of our fairies class. Learn about Today’s Fairies and how they can help you heal.

Want to meet the Fairy Online School instructor? Check out this mini commercial here.

I am in the process of relocating my Designing Fairy blog to here, and merging the two blogs–my art with my writing. My Designing Fairy site will now be my website for my art and design services.

How that came about is, of course, a funny story. In my life, I am trying to streamline and see where my energy is going out and not coming back. A recurring pattern I am seeing is “giving it all away for free.” I do this often and then find I can’t pay the bills! All that work so others can benefit, but I am not benefiting.  Not the best way to do business.

I had a feeling that with my art blog, which gets much traffic, that perhaps, my art indeed was being used often without a benefit to me. Now this would be just fine if I was independently wealthy and didn’t want the credit. I need to rethink the “healer gives out freely from her heart.” I love creating but it really isn’t a hobby. I went to school for years training.

I did a google search on Designing Fairy and found someone using two of images from my site for free. Great publicity, yes, but a little freaky. They hadn’t asked permission. There was credit to my website and an invite to go to find great design tips (more free stuff). Here’s the link in question. I posted this on Facebook and many opinions were given. (Lots of different perspectives on a controversial topic). The even odder part–the work is a collage made from other artist’s works and was simply an color book assignment I created for students.

I love free publicity. It’s awesome. But the timing was funny. Here I was wondering if I should convert my DF blog into a website with clear intention, and then being led to find a situation I worried about. Message, perhaps?

Needless to say, I am combining my art over here with my writing. For the longest time I separated my more mainstream, designing self from my woo-woo, psychic self. No more. I am both parts. So, here is where you will find both art and the world of intuition. Enjoy.