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By Alexander Jones

There has been a lot of hullabaloo on Marvel Studios not capitalizing on the ‘Grooting’ phenomena that has been sweeping the internet. This is in reference to the Guardians of the Galaxy character Groot dancing behind Drax the Destroyer a.k.a. actor Dave Batista’s back during the end credits of the film. In the meantime, the seedy underbelly of the arts & crafts internet websites, such as Etsy, have been taking advantage of the merchandising hole left by the lack of an official Marvel figure. Even internet videos containing cast members of the film like Michael Rooker (Yondu) and Dave Batista can be viewed reenacting the ‘Grooting’ moment. The figure was made by Marvel Entertainment and KIDdesigns, and the news broke via Mashable. Included with the figure, is a tiny speaker which allows fans listen to an alternate version of Jackson 5‘s I Want you Back, in order to get the full ‘Grooting’ experience. Each toy will set your wallet back by a light $14.99. Look for the figure on store shelves Christmas day, and be slightly angry that the toy’s arms don’t move! Also, make sure you keep this toy away from any talking Raccoons, in fear they might strike up an unlikely friendship!

Check out this video featuring Groot ‘Grooting': http://bcove.me/6p15csky

Yes, Alex Ross designed the official ABC Oscar poster in 2002!

[No comics content here.  This falls under "pop culture" and general geekery. ]

So, your waistline (and gastrointestinal tract) has recovered from the Super Bowl.  You’re sick and tired of the weather.  You seek another diversion.  Well, next Sunday, Hollywood holds their soiree, handing out Oscar statuettes (“Academy Awards of Merit”, according to the rule book).

Situated right before March Madness, the Oscars allow for a warm-up to the office pools which proliferate during the NCAA tournament, and give the sports widows something to watch before hubby disappears into his mancave.

But… how to pick the winners?  The Academy has frequently been criticized for ignoring blockbusters, as most geeks realize when their favorite movies are relegated to the special effects category.  Sure, there is the glitz, the celebrity star power, but overall, the Oscars are a bit boring.  (But, then, so is football.)

So, unless you live in a major metropolitan area, the following nominees are probably the first time you’ve heard, let alone seen, of them.  ABSCAM?  Retroviral drugs?  Navy SEALs?  Nebraska?  And those are the Best Picture nominees!  Take a look at the foreign films!

Here’s the technique I use, and my picks.  I don’t know what Nate Silver likes, and I’m not a cinema geek, so take the following with whatever disdain and cynicism you use when reading online.  Of course, feel free to share your comments below!

Consideration #1:  Is the award voted by the entire AMPAS membership, or it limited?

Consideration #2:  Did Oscar snub a particular film which was later lauded by a guild?

Consideration #3: Which did the guilds select as winners?

Consideration #4:  What’s the buzz?  What did BAFTA and others pick?

—–

BEST PICTURE 

[Rule Sixteen  Everyone votes for this one.  Pick this last.  Sometimes, a movie will sweep the show.  The results from the other categories will give some indication.  Any controversy can also effect voting.  Sometimes, a film can earn the technical awards, but lose this award.  Sometimes, the Oscars split awards between three good films, as happened at the 73rd Academy Awards.  So, Gravity... mid-year, some nitpicking on the scientific liberties, not great acting.  12 Years a Slave is trending online.  Does the Academy use a preferential voting system like they did in 2009, when there were ten nominees, allowing a second-favorite to pull ahead of the media darling?  There is nothing stated in the current rules.]

“12 Years a Slave” (unusual, in that it might only win two awards)
“American Hustle”  [SAG ensemble award]
“Captain Phillips”
“Dallas Buyers Club”
“Gravity”
“Her”
“Nebraska”
“Philomena”
“The Wolf of Wall Street”

—

BEST DIRECTOR

[Rule Ten  All members vote.  The Directors Guild of America is usually a good indicator, only missing seven winners.]

David O. Russell, “American Hustle”
Alfonso Cuaron, “Gravity”
Alexander Payne, “Nebraska”
Steve McQueen, “12 Years a Slave”
Martin Scorsese, “The Wolf of Wall Street”

—

[Rule Six  All members vote.  The Screen Actors Guild Awards are the barometer.]

BEST ACTOR

Christian Bale, “American Hustle”
Bruce Dern, “Nebraska”
Leonardo DiCaprio, “The Wolf of Wall Street”
Chiwetel Ejiofor, “12 Years a Slave”
Matthew McConaughey, “Dallas Buyers Club”

BEST ACTRESS

Amy Adams, “American Hustle”
Cate Blanchett, “Blue Jasmine”
Sandra Bullock, “Gravity”
Judi Dench, “Philomena”
Meryl Streep, “August: Osage County”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Lupita Nyong’o, “12 Years a Slave”
Jennifer Lawrence, “American Hustle”
June Squibb, “Nebraska”
Julia Roberts, “August: Osage County”
Sally Hawkins, “Blue Jasmine”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Barkhad Abdi, “Captain Phillips”
Bradley Cooper, “American Hustle”
Michael Fassbender, “12 Years a Slave”
Jonah Hill, “The Wolf of Wall Street”
Jared Leto, “Dallas Buyers Club” [Want to win an acting Oscar?  Cross-dress, preferably in a movie with a strong message.]

—

[Rule Twenty-Three  Everyone votes.  The Writers Guild of America is the barometer for these two categories.  Sometimes, a great movie which is too ... innovative for the Academy will get a screenplay Oscar as a consolation prize.  Consider: "Pulp Fiction".]

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

“American Hustle” – Written by Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell
“Blue Jasmine” – Written by Woody Allen
“Her” – Written by Spike Jonze
“Nebraska” – Written by Bob Nelson
“Dallas Buyers Club” – Written by Craig Borten & Melisa Wallack

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

“Before Midnight” – Written by Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke
“Captain Phillips” – Screenplay by Billy Ray
“Philomena” – Screenplay by Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope
“12 Years a Slave” – Screenplay by John Ridley
“The Wolf of Wall Street” – Screenplay by Terence Winter

—

BEST ANIMATED FILM

[Rule Seven  Everyone votes.  There is no animation guild, although ASIFA does laud many animated films.  My gut choice is below.]

“The Croods”
“Despicable Me 2”
“Ernest & Celestine”
“Frozen” [Best Edited Film, GRA: Best editing of Music in a Musical Feature, CAS: Animated Feature, numerous VES visual effects awards]
“The Wind Rises”

—

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

[Rule Eight  Everyone votes.  The American Society of Cinematographers is the predictive guild.

“The Grandmaster”
“Gravity”
“Inside Llewyn Davis”
“Nebraska”
“Prisoners”

---

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

[Rule Nine  Everyone votes.  The Costume Designers Guild awards achievement.  Blue Jasmine won a CDG for contemporary design.  Factor that into Best Picture.  For you geeks, Hunger Games: Catching Fire won the fantasy award.]

Michael Wilkinson, “American Hustle”
William Chang Suk Ping, “The Grandmaster”
Catherine Martin, “The Great Gatsby”
Michael O’Connor, “The Invisible Woman”
Patricia Norris, “12 Years a Slave”  [GDG Period]

—

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

[Rule Eleven  Everyone who has watched all nominated films may vote.  For both documentary categories, you can scan other awards, as well as guess which is the most politically correct or reflects the spirit of the times.]

“The Act of Killing”Joshua Oppenheimer and Signe Byrge Sørensen
“Cutie and the Boxer” Zachary Heinzerling and Lydia Dean Pilcher
“Dirty Wars” Richard Rowley and Jeremy Scahill  [Best Sound Editing of a documentary]
“The Square” Jehane Noujaim and Karim Amer [Directors Guild Award]
“20 Feet from Stardom” Nominees to be determined [best edited documentary]

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT

“CaveDigger” Jeffrey Karoff
“Facing Fear” Jason Cohen
“Karama Has No Walls” Sara Ishaq
“The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life” Malcolm Clarke and Nicholas Reed
“Prison Terminal: The Last Days of Private Jack Hall” Edgar Barens

[I'm going with "Prison hospice" as part of the HIV zeitgeist.]

—

BEST FILM EDITING

[Rule Twelve  Everyone votes.  American Cinema Editors hand out the Eddies.

“American Hustle” Jay Cassidy, Crispin Struthers and Alan Baumgarten (comedy or musical)
“Captain Phillips” Christopher Rouse  (drama)
“Dallas Buyers Club” John Mac McMurphy and Martin Pensa
“Gravity” Alfonso Cuarón and Mark Sanger
“12 Years a Slave” Joe Walker

---

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

[Rule Thirteen  Voting open to everyone who has seen all five nominated films.  If a movie is nominated for Foreign Film and Best Picture, it will most likely win BFLF and not BP.  Same goes for Best Animated Feature.  These films are the official selection of each country's film society.  Best strategy: consider other Oscar nominations, then check Rotten Tomatoes and online buzz.]

“The Broken Circle Breakdown” Belgium (RT: 79/74%)
“The Great Beauty” Italy  (RT’s pick, 92/93%) (BAFTA winner)
“The Hunt” Denmark (93/92%)
“The Missing Picture” Cambodia (97/100%, 30 reviews)
“Omar” Palestine (89/96%)

—

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING

[Rule Fourteen  Everyone votes.  The Make-Up Artists and Hair Stylists Guild gives out awards.

“Dallas Buyers Club” Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews (best period/character makeup
“Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa” Stephen Prouty (special makeup effects)
“The Lone Ranger” Joel Harlow and Gloria Pasqua-Casny  (Johnny Depp received a special award.  Which goes without saying... McFarlane Toys should do a Johnny Depp line of figurines.)

---

[Rule Fifteen   Everyone votes.  Hey, there's a Best Musical Award (15.I.C)!  There is a union for musicians, and some sort of composers guild, but neither seems to give out awards.  My suggestion?  Check online reviewers for buzz.  John Williams is the record holder for Oscar nominations.]

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

John Williams, “The Book Thief” [11 more nominations and he passes Walt Disney as the record holder.  Disney gets an asterisk...he produced many of the films which won.]
Steven Price, “Gravity”
William Butler and Owen Pallett, “Her”
Alexandre Desplat, “Philomena”
Thomas Newman, “Saving Mr. Banks”

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

“Alone Yet Not Alone” from “Alone Yet Not Alone”
Music by Bruce Broughton; Lyric by Dennis Spiegel

“Happy” from “Despicable Me 2”
Music and Lyric by Pharrell Williams

“Let It Go” from “Frozen”
Music and Lyric by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez

[Of note: each film can nominate three songs.  Disney choose to nominate only one song from Frozen, possibly to avoid splitting the vote.  Idina Menzel will perform the song at the Oscars.  It may be the highlight of the show, along with U2.]

“The Moon Song” from “Her”
Music by Karen O; Lyric by Karen O and Spike Jonze

“Ordinary Love” from “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom”
Music by Paul Hewson, Dave Evans, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen; Lyric by Paul Hewson

—

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN

[Rule Seventeen   Everyone votes.  The Art Directors Guild honors achievement in this field.]

“American Hustle”
Production Design: Judy Becker; Set Decoration: Heather Loeffler

“Gravity”
Production Design: Andy Nicholson; Set Decoration: Rosie Goodwin and Joanne Woollard [fantasy film]

“The Great Gatsby”
Production Design: Catherine Martin; Set Decoration: Beverley Dunn [period film]

“Her”
Production Design: K.K. Barrett; Set Decoration: Gene Serdena [contemporary film]

“12 Years a Slave”
Production Design: Adam Stockhausen; Set Decoration: Alice Baker

—

[Rule Nineteen  Everyone votes who has watched all of the nominated films.  Check online for critics picks.]

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM

“Feral” Daniel Sousa and Dan Golden
“Get a Horse!” Lauren MacMullan and Dorothy McKim
“Mr. Hublot” Laurent Witz and Alexandre Espigares
“Possessions” Shuhei Morita
“Room on the Broom” Max Lang and Jan Lachauer

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM

“Aquel No Era Yo (That Wasn’t Me)” Esteban Crespo
“Avant Que De Tout Perdre (Just before Losing Everything)” Xavier Legrand and Alexandre Gavras
“Helium” Anders Walter and Kim Magnusson
“Pitääkö Mun Kaikki Hoitaa? (Do I Have to Take Care of Everything?)” Selma Vilhunen and Kirsikka Saari
“The Voorman Problem” Mark Gill and Baldwin Li

—

BEST SOUND EDITING

[Rule Twenty  Everyone votes.  The Motion Picture Sound Editors give out the Golden Reel Awards.  There's also the Cinema Audio Society which honors sound mixing.]

“All Is Lost” Steve Boeddeker and Richard Hymns
“Captain Phillips” Oliver Tarney [GRA: dialogue and ADR]
“Gravity” Glenn Freemantle  [GRA: sound effects]
“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” Brent Burge
“Lone Survivor” Wylie Stateman

—

BEST SOUND MIXING

[Rule Twenty-One  Everyone votes.]

“Captain Phillips” Chris Burdon, Mark Taylor, Mike Prestwood Smith and Chris Munro
“Gravity” Skip Lievsay, Niv Adiri, Christopher Benstead and Chris Munro [GRA:sound effects, CAS:Motion Picture]
“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” Christopher Boyes, Michael Hedges, Michael Semanick and Tony Johnson
“Inside Llewyn Davis” Skip Lievsay, Greg Orloff and Peter F. Kurland
“Lone Survivor” Andy Koyama, Beau Borders and David Brownlow

—

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

[Rule Twenty-Two  Everyone votes.  The Visual Effects Society (winner of this year's best industry logo) gives out accolades.]

“Gravity” Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, Dave Shirk and Neil Corbould (Visual Effects feature, plus numerous others)
“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon, David Clayton and Eric Reynolds  (Best Feature Film character)
“Iron Man 3” Christopher Townsend, Guy Williams, Erik Nash and Dan Sudick
“The Lone Ranger” Tim Alexander, Gary Brozenich, Edson Williams and John Frazier (regular feature)
“Star Trek Into Darkness” Roger Guyett, Patrick Tubach, Ben Grossmann and Burt Dalton

—

My picks for the Razzies?  Movie 43 for every category.  I watched this on NetFlix with friends (yeah, we were drunk), and I wished I’d hadn’t.

—

Just in case anyone from ABC or AMPAS is reading…

Please schedule the Oscars so that the ceremony starts at 7PM EST/4 PM PST.  Run the red carpet pregame show from 5-7 PM.  The show itself usually runs under four hours, giving ABC plenty of time to stage the show.  If it ends early, then ABC can fill the remaining time with post-game interviews and commentary.  The extra time can be filled with stuff that keeps the viewers watching… and might even allow more names to be added to the always controversial “In Memoriam” segment.

Yes, I know it’s unlikely, but at least they moved it from Monday, when ABC would routinely waste an hour of prime time with a forgettable Barbara Walters interview special.  They will also finally start streaming the Oscars live this year!  (That’s what you get when your membership is old, white, and male.)

Oh yeah speaking of the Oscars, Renee Zellweger -- WTF. While the actress often looks like she just chomped into a handful of Sour Skittles, last night her eyes seemed to have collapsed into tiny black holes orbiting Alpha Centauri. And what was with mean Richard Gere trying to get her to read on stage? It was obvious girlfriend did not want to wear reading glasses, and was too shy to say anything about it. Either that or she had found the stash James Franco had hidden at the Dolby Theater a couple of years back.

Tweet

Well, this is certainly one of the most British things I’ve ever heard. Please whistle the theme tune to The Archers while you read this article.

Yesterday Neil Gaiman announced on his blog that BBC Radio 4 have gathered a stunning collection of actors to record a radio adaptation of his story Neverwhere, which was first seen on television in the 1990s. Co-written by Lenny Henry, the story was sort-of simultaneously adapted into a novel by Gaiman, which was subsequently rewritten and adapted into radio plays and, well, all sorts of stuff happened with it, really.

This adaptation for radio, however, has managed to gather an incredible line-up of actors – several of whom sent this message across to Gaiman, which he shared earlier:

Which sight excites you most? Manly David Harewood? Game of Throne’s Natalie Dormer? James McAvoy? Giles from Buffy? Benedict Crumpetpatch? Hold on tight, because this photo only skims the surface of an utterly incredible cast.

Also appearing will be Andrew Sachs, Sophie Okonedo, Christopher Lee, Don Gilet, Johnny Vegas, Bernard Cribbins, Lucy Cohu and Romola Garai. And that’s still not all! Gaiman also teases that there will be a few other secret cameos and appearances tucked in amongst everything else. Zoinks.

Scheduled for release as a 6-episode series in 2013, Neverwhere will be produced by Dirk Maggs. Okay, you can stop whistling now.

BY JEN VAUGHN - Last month, Logan Kugler lit a fire under our butts about sending Star Trek figures into space! One small step for plastic . . . you get it.

His Kickstarter campaign was successful and there a rather precious teaser video available here or you can watch the official Discovery Channel version! Kugler is working up on a follow-up project and mentioned something even about fanzines and comics. Oh, we do hope so!

—

Jen Vaughn would also like to go to space.

.

With a massive hurricane forecast to hit much of the Eastern seaboard this weekend, we here at Stately Beat Manor offer the following information to help our readers survive the coming storm.

1010 WINS reports that:

• Gasoline, ATMs, and batteries are hard to find in New Jersey.
• The Metropolitan Transit Authority may suspend service system wide due to possible flooding and extreme winds.
• The City has ordered that all hospitals, nursing homes, and senior citizen homes in low-lying areas must evacuate by 8 PM Friday.

The National Hurricane Center has updates, warnings, and forecasts here.

The National Weather Service also has local conditions and radar, along with regional warnings.

FEMA also has an excellent site for preparedness.  (They even have  comics for kids!)

(via)

For those living in New York City, the following is a helpful site.  Of great concern is the storm surge, the mass of water propelled in front of the storm.  Some may recall Hurrican Gloria of 1985, which followed a similar track.  However, that storm occurred at low tide, while Irene will arrive at a high tide caused by an almost Full Moon.  The surge can destroy large buildings, and can occur before and after the storm has passed.

The city has created a Hurricane Evacuation Zone Finder. Residents can also call 311, although that system has delays even during normal times.  A detailed PDF map can be downloaded, which also shows public shelters.

Hurricane brochures and maps in various languages are also available here.

Given the “new normal”, everyone should maintain a “go bag” for emergencies.  From the above brochure:

A GO BAG SHOULD INCLUDE
Copies of your important documents in a waterproof and portable container (insurance cards, photo IDs, proof of address, etc.)
Extra set of car and house keys
Copies of credit/ATM cards and $50-$100 cash in small denominations
Bottled water and nonperishable food such as energy or granola bars
Flashlight
Battery-operated AM/FM radio and extra batteries
Up-to-date medication information and other essential personal items. Keep a list of the medications each member of your household takes, why they take them, and their dosages.
Also inclu

15 Comments on Not Comics: Hurricane Irene, last added: 8/27/2011

Display Comments

Marc Sobel said, on 8/26/2011 6:21:00 AM

This is extremely useful information, Heidi. Thanks for posting!

Adam said, on 8/26/2011 6:33:00 AM

I’m looking at my calendar right now and August 28 is going to be a New Moon, not full moon.

Irene’s Coming | Mah Two Cents said, on 8/26/2011 7:52:00 AM

[...] the least of which is how they tend to build up steam.  I would suggest reading this post by The Beat about the hurricane because there’s a lot of useful tips to prepare yourself for it.  And [...]

Laurie S. Sutton said, on 8/26/2011 8:25:00 AM

I was on the extreme western edge of the storm yesterday as Irene tracked past Florida. The eye was 200 miles away and still we experienced winds strong enough to bend trees as if they were stalks of straw. This is a storm to pay attention to. Assume the power will go out. Be happy if it doesn’t. Heed Heidi’s suggestions. Go to the links she has provided. Batten down, be patient, and be safe.

Torsten Adair said, on 8/26/2011 8:26:00 AM

1) You’re welcome, MARCIA. ;)

2) Here’s the site I used for the lunar phase:
http://www.calculatorcat.com/moon_phases/phasenow.php

Yup… you’re right… dark = new.

Laurie S. Sutton said, on 8/26/2011 8:50:00 AM

Oops! Sorry Torsten! I didn’t read the byline correctly. Everybody — listen to Torsten!

GameCouch said, on 8/26/2011 8:56:00 AM

Good advice from Torsten!Heidi — also, don’t forget about your pets!

Make sure you have food and water for them. They should be wearing their ID tags and have their vaccination records in your go bag.

Michael Martens said, on 8/26/2011 9:10:00 AM

Keeping a good thought for everyone in the path of Irene!

FLASH: Not Comics: Hurricane Irene | The Beat « W said, on 8/26/2011 10:16:00 AM

[...] [...]

Stuart Moore said, on 8/26/2011 11:17:00 AM

Update: MTA service will all be suspended beginning at noon tomorrow (Saturday).

Also, the nyc.gov site jams up sometimes. ny1.com is an alternative.

We’re about as ready as we can be. Good luck, everyone.

Allen Mathas said, on 8/26/2011 4:54:00 PM

It may not be appropriate for your area, but it does have some good tips that you may be able to use.

http://www.nola.com/hurricane/content.ssf?/hurricane/content/statelinks.html

Stink Monkey Pop Pop said, on 8/26/2011 5:34:00 PM

I’ve through Hurricanes; Erin, Opal, Alberto, Georges, Ivan, Dennis, and Gustav.

I eat storms like Irene for lunch.

Be safe.

Today’s Comics Guide: August 27, 2011 | CBGXtra said, on 8/27/2011 3:01:00 AM

[...] Speaking of the hurricane, The Beat has some practical advice for those in the storm’s path. (Brent [...]

Heidi M. said, on 8/27/2011 6:33:00 AM

Torsten thanks for posting this — we’re up in Jefferson, Maine waitging for the storm., They’re used to nor’easters and blizzards up here, so everyone is used to emergency preparedness.

I’ve already had to delay my flight home, but I’m kinda happy to be riding things out in a big house well stocked with supplies.

Keep safe and dry everyone! I know I’ll be hearing lots of stories when I get back!

FEMA’s furries | Robot 6 @ Comic Book Resources said, on 8/27/2011 9:01:00 AM

[...] (who might count as part of that three-day food supply) get their emergency kit together. (Hat tip: Torsten Adair, who has compiled quite a bit of other useful information at The [...]

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Maybe it’s just the way Twitter brings all your snarky friends from around the world together to be snide at once, but from the very beginning of last night’s Oscar™ telecast, it was obvious that the youth movement of Anne Hathaway and James Franco was going to be dire. You know how at every awards they they bring out two gorgeous young stars to present an award to caterers and give them some excruciating dialog? And it turns out they are high and have the chemistry of a sweat sock and a muskrat? Imagine a WHOLE SHOW like that. You have to give Hathaway props for being a super trooper — like some kid just out of acting school who has to keep the whole USO tour going because the supposed star is drunk back in the hotel room. She was going to charm and shimmy and smile and warble and costume change and hair-flip her way into our hearts no matter what. Franco was just squinty and stoned and acted as if he had been kidnapped from a weekend in Marin County and told at gunpoint that he would have to host the Academy Awards that night or his puppy would be killed. His heart was not in it.

But they were supposed to be youthful and peppy and “hip.” So that’s what we got. So why and how did this whole move to youth and pep begin?

I seem to recall last year when Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin came out, everyone was tweeting how lame and corny they were, and Nikki Finke was doing her usual “ohmygodihateawardsshowsandthisisunbearable!” schtick. And it was decided Something Must Be Done.

Something must be done? About Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin? Two of the most inherently funny people on the planet? Two humans whose timing is to comedy what Wayne Rooney is to the bicycle kick? I mean you take away two dedicated schtick meisters and give us Anne Hathaway and James Franco and suddenly wake up and say “WHAT HAVE I DONE?”

I wish people would stop complaining about perfectly competent awards show schtick — as delivered by Bob Hope Billy Crystal, Hugh Jackman, Whoopi Goldberg, and yes, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin — and just admit awards shows are boring and you need to minimize the damage. Otherwise, someone gets it into their head to “fix it” and we get stoned Harry Osborn or Rob Lowe singing to Snow White.

Or as Mark Evanier sagely observed, even David Letterman’s fabled “bad’ outing as host wasn’t that bad:

Within the Academy hierarchy though, they weren’t fond of Letterman as host and the Oprah/Uma joke was a symbol of the problem. The complaint was along the lines of, “Dave didn’t understand or care that this wasn’t supposed to be The David Letterman Show with occasional interruptions to present some silly awards. The man only knows one way to do a TV show and he kept expecting everything to be done that way.” My feeling was that it was a slightly-unfair criticism. You ask Dave Letterman to host your show, you shouldn’t moan when he comes in and acts like Dave Letterman. I thought he was the wrong guy for the job but he did just what they should have expected and he was more entertaining than some Oscar hosts…like, say, most of them.