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I’m just curious, do you think someone’s true personality comes out when they get behind the wheel or does the protection of a ton of metal magnify some suppressed aggression?

Everyone knows “that guy” – the one who is too good to wait in line to merge with the rest of us. So he goes as far as he can, perhaps driving in the median or passing over a solid white line before entering traffic.

Do you think he cuts the bathroom line at the fair or knocks down the old lady at the self-checkout line because she is taking too long? I always wonder.

Yes, I have a specific driver in mind. He drives a white BMW and takes the same route as me to work every day (Although I do so legally and courteously). I am a mellow driver and don’t wrestle with road rage often. When I happen to see him cutting people off, I don’t fume. Rather, I have this dream scenario where I am at the perfect angle to wedge my old truck in front of him and seal off his escape. Then I hop out and interview him like Bob Barker on a game show. Oh, I don’t pummel him (probably), I just humiliate him into contrition – showing him the error in his ways and giving him opportunity to apologize to me as representative of all of the drivers he has treated so rudely over the years.

Funny how life plays out sometimes. I was sitting in the exact spot I had envisioned when I saw him coming up on the shoulder. As fate would have it, the line in front of me started to move at precisely the right time and I had what I think was the voice of Ferris Bueller whispering “Do it” in my ear. So I lurched my truck to the right and cut the imbecile off.

He slammed on his breaks and pounded the horn as I got out of my truck. I wish I’d had the skinny microphone and cheesy tie on – that would have been too perfect. I rounded my truck while he sat red-faced in his ultimate driving maching about to explode in rage. This was gonna be good!

Wearing my best disarming smile, I walked slowly toward his door. I wonder what he thought about the 6’, 3”, grinning, bald guy headed his way. Whatever was going through his dense mind, he didn’t feel compelled to roll down his window as he did in my dream.

Not surprisingly, he was kind of a little fella. I felt like I was forgetting something even though I knew my line was,“Tell him what he’s won, Johnny…. Well Bob, This rude driver will be late to work today!”  (cue applause)

I have to say it got a little awkward with me standing there waiting to talk to him and all the rubberneckers around us wondering what was going on.

What had I forgotten?

Oh yeah, BMW’s go in both forward and reverse. They actually go pretty fast in reverse and spit up all kinds of roadside crap on any wannabe gameshow host who might happen to be standing in front of the car. In a matter of seconds, he was gone. He zoomed around me with a final honk and a proper salute while I watched, dirty and alone.

It was too late for me to go home to change and get to work on time. I just told everyone at the office that I had helped an old lady change her flat tire and let them think I was a saint instead of an idiot…

 

It’s better that way.

 

Filed under: It Made Me Laugh

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I’m just curious, do you think someone’s true personality comes out when they get behind the wheel or does the protection of a ton of metal magnify some suppressed aggression?

Everyone knows “that guy” – the one who is too good to wait in line to merge with the rest of us. So he goes as far as he can, perhaps driving in the median or passing over a solid white line before entering traffic.

Do you think he cuts the bathroom line at the fair or knocks down the old lady at the self-checkout line because she is taking too long? I always wonder.

Yes, I have a specific driver in mind. He drives a white BMW and takes the same route as me to work every day (Although I do so legally and courteously). I am a mellow driver and don’t wrestle with road rage often. When I happen to see him cutting people off, I don’t fume. Rather, I have this dream scenario where I am at the perfect angle to wedge my old truck in front of him and seal off his escape. Then I hop out and interview him like Bob Barker on a game show. Oh, I don’t pummel him (probably), I just humiliate him into contrition – showing him the error in his ways and giving him opportunity to apologize to me as representative of all of the drivers he has treated so rudely over the years.

Funny how life plays out sometimes. I was sitting in the exact spot I had envisioned when I saw him coming up on the shoulder. As fate would have it, the line in front of me started to move at precisely the right time and I had what I think was the voice of Ferris Bueller whispering “Do it” in my ear. So I lurched my truck to the right and cut the imbecile off.

He slammed on his breaks and pounded the horn as I got out of my truck. I wish I’d had the skinny microphone and cheesy tie on – that would have been too perfect. I rounded my truck while he sat red-faced in his ultimate driving maching about to explode in rage. This was gonna be good!

Wearing my best disarming smile, I walked slowly toward his door. I wonder what he thought about the 6’, 3”, grinning, bald guy headed his way. Whatever was going through his dense mind, he didn’t feel compelled to roll down his window as he did in my dream.

Not surprisingly, he was kind of a little fella. I felt like I was forgetting something even though I knew my line was,“Tell him what he’s won, Johnny…. Well Bob, This rude driver will be late to work today!”  (cue applause)

I have to say it got a little awkward with me standing there waiting to talk to him and all the rubberneckers around us wondering what was going on.

What had I forgotten?

Oh yeah, BMW’s go in both forward and reverse. They actually go pretty fast in reverse and spit up all kinds of roadside crap on any wannabe gameshow host who might happen to be standing in front of the car. In a matter of seconds, he was gone. He zoomed around me with a final honk and a proper salute while I watched, dirty and alone.

It was too late for me to go home to change and get to work on time. I just told everyone at the office that I had helped an old lady change her flat tire and let them think I was a saint instead of an idiot…

 

It’s better that way.

 

Filed under: It Made Me Laugh

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How to use it: 

1) Choose a seed 

The seed usually arises from your character’s deepest desires, fears, traits hidden in the shadow self, or childhood wounds. Use something from the character’s past that can create future conflict. 

2) Fertile field. 

Having chosen a seed, you must plant it in a scene. You don’t have to spend chapters telling the backstory of why Dick is jealous of his older brother or why Sally resents Dick for always finding a way to be absent whenever the family needs him most. You can effectively address it through dialogue or action in one scene.

3) A little rain.

Use future scenes to reinforce the resentment, making it grow taller and more bitter. Resentment thrives in darkness. Show your character feeling hurt, angry, disappointed, or sad. These scenes push your character toward a dark night of the soul. 

4) Surfacing.

A turning point occurs when the resentment is brought to a head. The situation can be cathartic or make the situation more thorny. Hostile reactions can fuel the cycle leading to the climactic moment when things are resolved. 

5) Death/rebirth. 

Coming to terms with resentment is a way to illustrate character growth. At the climax, the relationship either mends or dies. If you want an up-ending, the relationship is healed. If you want a down-ending, one of them can decide to hang onto the ill-will while the other lets go. If you want an up-down ending, they can put it behind them but realize there is no way to continue on together.

A satisfying story arc includes all the phases.

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Publisher: Harcourt Graphia (April 18th, 2011)
ARC: 228 Pages
Series: Horsemen of the Apocalypse #2
Book from: Publisher*

Missy didn’t mean to cut so deep. But after the party where she was humiliated in front of practically everyone in school, who could blame her for wanting some comfort? Sure, most people don’t find comfort in the touch of a razor blade, but Missy always was . . . different.

That’s why she was chosen to become one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: War. Now Missy wields a different kind of blade—a big, brutal sword that can cut down anyone and anything in her path. But it’s with this weapon in her hand that Missy learns something that could help her triumph over her own pain: control.

A unique approach to the topic of self-mutilation, Rage is the story of a young woman who discovers her own power and refuses to be defeated by the world.

Review (by Jessica)
RAGE, by Jackie Morse Kessler instantly draws you when main character Melissa “Missy” Miller confronts Death, and slams the door in His face. Missy has a fate that she must accept or she will surely die. Missy being a self-injurer she cuts, shallow and deep. Painful always. Bleed out the bad as she puts it, but one night after an ex-boyfriend tricks her into a mortifying situation she cant take it anymore and she cuts too deep. Only Death's voice can coax her to push through and open a white package that will unveil her future as War. One of the four riders of the Apocalypse.

I was sucked into this books almost instantly. The cover drew me in, with a fierce sword and beautiful colors. Instantly I was drawn to Missy's self-injuring personality, I found I could relate to some of her emotional states. She seemed like a normal teenager dealing with identity issues and not quite fitting in completely in school, dealing with bitchy girls, and a ruthless ex-boyfriend. Missy doesn't let cruel nicknames stop her from doing what she wants but when her ex, Adam starts talking to her about missing her, her entire world rapidly spins out of control.

At a party the very same night, she makes an appearance to keep up any shreds of popularity she has, and Adam makes a move toward her, with her emotions running high she stupidly follows him to an upstairs bedroom and she strips down to nothing but her scar covered skin and then her entire world shatters when Adam signals it is the time for everyone to rush in and snap pictures and videos of her scarred body. She rushes home to find Death waiting for her but again she ignores him, she needs to cut, bleed out the bad. Over and over she cuts but the bad wont go away. I wanted to scream to tell her to stop, tell her that it would end badly, then the words hit and I was ready to throw the book away!

Death was in her head telling her what to do to save herself! My image of Death went from a black robed skeletal guy to a teenage rocker with a white horse! He's seems to be pretty hot. He gives Missy a choice, and Missy wield's War's sword in the end, and becomes a horseman of the Apocalypse. She still fights a war within herself for the dominance of the violent nature of War and her nature where she wants to do whats right and not hurt people! Death, the most powerful and most attractive rider, had me wanting to be a rider so bad.

This books sucked you in and doesn't let go. At the end my jaw was left hanging open, practically begging for more. This is a perfect mix of the self-injury and paranormal genres. I am eagarly awaiting Kessler's next book, no matter what it is. Sh

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1.  Arrive at the airport ridiculously late and then insist on jumping every queue because your plane is about to leave.  Even better, get a luggage trolley and use it as a battering ram.

2.  Wait until you get to the very front of the queue at the check-in desk and then suddenly remember half a dozen banned items in your carry-on luggage.  Open all your cases and begin re-packing procedures, making sure to spill most of your belongings all over the floor.

3.  Get one of those carry on cases with an extra long extendable handle and be sure to hold it behind you at arm’s length where you can be certain of tripping up the most people.  This is especially effective in the shopping area.

4.  Fill your arms with as many miscellaneous items as you can carry at the duty free shop.  When you get to the cash register spend ages fiddling in your purse/wallet until a major queue has built up and then ask if you can pay in a really obscure currency.  When you receive a negative answer from the cashier, simply say, “Oh, never mind then,” leave all the items on the counter and walk away dragging your over-sized carry-on bag precariously on its 8 foot handle.

5.  On the way to security, stop at Starbucks and order a bucket of whatever coffee suits your fancy.  Then try to take it through security.  When you are refused entry, insist on standing there holding up the queue until you have drunk the entire thing.  After all, you paid for it!

6.  Alternatively, stuff your carry-on bag with as many jumbo-sized bottles of shower gel and shampoo as you can carry.  When security stop you and refuse to let the items on the plane, offer to go to the bathroom and empty some from each bottle down the toilet until they all only have 100ml.  This should get everyone laughing along!

7.  Bring along a mobile phone, ipod with leaky earbuds, hand-held games console and any other potentially noisy electrical gadget you can find in your house.  Then go to the part of the airport where all the frazzled long-haul transfer passengers are trying to get a couple of hours sleep and turn them all on.  If you can listen to a humourous audio book on your headphones and occasionally laugh out loud, not only will it annoy people, it will also make them a little afraid of you, thus ensuring you those coveted empty seats to put all your bags on.

8.  Head purposefully towards every travelator and walk onto them with speed.  Then immediately stand stock still and put your bags down so that nobody can get past you.  At the end of the travelator it is imperative to dither while stepping off the walkway and then immediately stop to extend the handle on your bag, causing a pile up of disgruntled travellers behind you.  Then walk off, oblivious to the carnage.

9.  About ten minutes before your plane is due to board, randomly stand somewhere close to the embarkation point.  This will cause other nervous and sheep-like passengers to stand behind you forming a pointless queue when in reality they could all have stayed in their seats until the flight was actually called.

10.  When boarding the aircraft, make sure to take your time putting things in the overhead lockers while everybody else waits behind you in the tiny aisle.  If possible, change seats at least twice, moving all your belongings each time, and be sure to smash your enormous hard-edged carry-on case into somebody’s laptop bag in order to make it fit into the compartment, thus damaging their screen.  They won’t realise what’s happened until they get to their destination and by that time you’ll be long gone.

The sad thing is that most of these suggestions are drawn from things I’ve really seen at various airports around the world!  Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments below.

Or for some more gentle humour, try these articles by the same author:

Fans Who Love Their Team Too Much

Famous for all the Wrong Reasons

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Before I climb up on my soapbox and rant, I will try to use my "inside voice" and politely share a few things.

Thing #1 - You can read about why I wrote CHAINS on the Simon & Schuster website.

Thing #2 - Because Simon & Schuster is a totally excellent publisher, you can find a CHAINS Reading Group Guide on their website, too.

Thing #3 - Bookavore weighs in on the demise of the Minx imprint and how publishers might be missing an important segment of teen readers.

Thing #4 - I'm putting together my book tour presentation about CHAINS with Apple's Keynote software and I am loving it so much, I want to dedicate the rest of my life to making Keynote presentations. Seriously. Ditch your PC and switch to a Mac. Today. (Thank you, Officemouse, for nudging me to get this software.)

Thing #5 - I went for my first post-race run yesterday and I have definitely aggravated my left ITB which in turn is tormenting my left knee. I have been stretching it gently many times a day since the race, but it is one stubborn tendon. Do any of you have experience with this?

Thing #6 - I would like Congress to pass a bill that allows Americans to "do over" the month of September. I am currently running a 700 billion minute deficit and I need some help.

Ooops, the rant is beginning. I cannot hold back any longer. If you aren't in the mood, you should leave the room now.

::climbs up on soapbox::

Ahem.

Is anyone else worried about the lack of checks and balances on the authority of the Treasury Secretary under the proposed socialization bailout of Wall Street? And is anyone else as angry as me that the same people who don't think we can afford - or should even consider - providing basic health care to all Americans because that would be socialist, are in such a gol-darned hurry to bail out the irresponsible greedy SOBS who were permitted to bring our economy to the brink of disaster?

And why does it all have to happen so quickly? When politicians want to make not-quite-Constitutionally approved decisions this fast, I get very nervous. And angry.

If you're feeling the same way, please write to your Congressional representatives today. And don't forget to register and vote!

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