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So…after two months of worrying about me being on a panel speaking about challenged books in front of 500 people, and then two weeks of anxiety, and then a day of absolute fear right up to (and during) the panel…I “did good”! I knew I had a lot to say–Scars has been challenged at least once formally that I know of, and informally in Meghan cox Gurden’s op-ed. My abusers tried to silence me most of my life; I don’t want to be silenced any more. But actually speaking about it all in front of 500 people live felt pretty scary. I think I spoke well, though–honestly, emotionally, passionately, and intelligently. I still can’t believe I spoke well! It took a while for me to know it–but I started taking it in afterward from the many responses and from people telling me that in so many ways.

I know public speaking is hard for many people, at least at first. It is for me, too. But for me there’s also the added layers of all the abuse training–my abusers repeatedly telling me they’d kill me if I talked (and since they’d murdered other children in front of me I knew they could), and abuse that happened on raised stages (like child porn), and all the years I learned to be silent, quiet, and not speak out, except through my writing and my art. But yesterday I learned that I CAN speak publicly, even to a large group, and it can be okay and even a good experience.

Some of the time before my panel I felt alone and scared and insecure as the hours stretched on, so I took a breather, and sat in the hallway against the wall. But doing that I felt like I was socially awkward and sticking out, the way I had as a teen. And then who should come by but A.S. King (Everybody Sees the Ants, Please Ignore Vera Dietz)! She sat herself down beside me so easily, and we sat, backs against the wall, talking. Amy was reassuring and understanding, and so down-to-earth. I loved hearing about her own experiences, and just…spending time. Hearing Amy talk about ALAN so enthusiastically made me want to join.

I also got to meet C.J. Bott in person–she recognized me as I passed by, and we talked briefly, and then she sat down for a bit with A.S. King and me. C. J. Bott did a lovely review of Scars, and we’d talked back and forth via email a bit, so it was cool to meet her in person. She’ll be vice president of ALAN next year!

I also talked a bit with Professor Melanie Hundley, who was an incredibly friendly, bright spot in the day, introducing me to other authors and to teachers, pointing out my handouts to others, and just being lovely.

It helped to have such friendly, caring people around!

The whole experience was also made better by my wonderful book publicist Julie Schoerke, picking me up at the airport, taking me to dinner, and then coming the next day to be with me for my panel. I was getting more and more scared the closer it got to my panel, and thankfully Julie arrived about an hour before. She sat on the floor with me i

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This is a warning, folks. On June 30th at 7:00 PM a rugged band of children’s and YA authors will be gathering at the Barnes & Noble bookstore at Colonie Center in Colonie, NY.

That’s right, it’s time for the Summer Reading Kickoff Bookfair Spectacular . . . celebrating (wait for it) the Dolly Parton Imagination Library! Because when it comes to Dolly, the first two things anyone thinks of are reading and, erm, I forget the second thing.

So, hey, let’s put the focus on reading this summer. Bring your young readers to pick up their free Barnes & Noble Summer Reading Journal to earn a FREE BOOK and the chance to WIN A NOOK COLOR. Authors will be standing by — sitting, hopefully, on cushy chairs, under a tasteful arrangement of palm fronds — happy to autograph books. Any books.

Check out this list of authors I think will be there . . .

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Julia DeVillers * Aimee Ferris * Rose Kent * Jackie Morse Kessler

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Sarah Darer Littman * Eric Luper * James Preller * Jennifer Roy

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Publisher: Harcourt Graphia (April 18th, 2011)
ARC: 228 Pages
Series: Horsemen of the Apocalypse #2
Book from: Publisher*

Missy didn’t mean to cut so deep. But after the party where she was humiliated in front of practically everyone in school, who could blame her for wanting some comfort? Sure, most people don’t find comfort in the touch of a razor blade, but Missy always was . . . different.

That’s why she was chosen to become one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: War. Now Missy wields a different kind of blade—a big, brutal sword that can cut down anyone and anything in her path. But it’s with this weapon in her hand that Missy learns something that could help her triumph over her own pain: control.

A unique approach to the topic of self-mutilation, Rage is the story of a young woman who discovers her own power and refuses to be defeated by the world.

Review (by Jessica)
RAGE, by Jackie Morse Kessler instantly draws you when main character Melissa “Missy” Miller confronts Death, and slams the door in His face. Missy has a fate that she must accept or she will surely die. Missy being a self-injurer she cuts, shallow and deep. Painful always. Bleed out the bad as she puts it, but one night after an ex-boyfriend tricks her into a mortifying situation she cant take it anymore and she cuts too deep. Only Death's voice can coax her to push through and open a white package that will unveil her future as War. One of the four riders of the Apocalypse.

I was sucked into this books almost instantly. The cover drew me in, with a fierce sword and beautiful colors. Instantly I was drawn to Missy's self-injuring personality, I found I could relate to some of her emotional states. She seemed like a normal teenager dealing with identity issues and not quite fitting in completely in school, dealing with bitchy girls, and a ruthless ex-boyfriend. Missy doesn't let cruel nicknames stop her from doing what she wants but when her ex, Adam starts talking to her about missing her, her entire world rapidly spins out of control.

At a party the very same night, she makes an appearance to keep up any shreds of popularity she has, and Adam makes a move toward her, with her emotions running high she stupidly follows him to an upstairs bedroom and she strips down to nothing but her scar covered skin and then her entire world shatters when Adam signals it is the time for everyone to rush in and snap pictures and videos of her scarred body. She rushes home to find Death waiting for her but again she ignores him, she needs to cut, bleed out the bad. Over and over she cuts but the bad wont go away. I wanted to scream to tell her to stop, tell her that it would end badly, then the words hit and I was ready to throw the book away!

Death was in her head telling her what to do to save herself! My image of Death went from a black robed skeletal guy to a teenage rocker with a white horse! He's seems to be pretty hot. He gives Missy a choice, and Missy wield's War's sword in the end, and becomes a horseman of the Apocalypse. She still fights a war within herself for the dominance of the violent nature of War and her nature where she wants to do whats right and not hurt people! Death, the most powerful and most attractive rider, had me wanting to be a rider so bad.

This books sucked you in and doesn't let go. At the end my jaw was left hanging open, practically begging for more. This is a perfect mix of the self-injury and paranormal genres. I am eagarly awaiting Kessler's next book, no matter what it is. Sh

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