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By: Kirsty,
on 1/28/2013
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By John Knowles
If you become wealthier tomorrow, say through winning the lottery, would you spend more or less working than you do now? Standard economic models predict you would work less. In fact a substantial segment of American society has indeed become wealthier over the last 40 years — married men. The reason is that wives’ earnings now make a much larger contribution to household income than in the past. However married men do not work less now on average than they did in the 1970s. This is intriguing because it suggests there is something important missing in economic explanations of the rise in labor supply of married women over the same period.
One possibility is that what we are seeing here are the aggregate effects of bargaining between spouses. This is plausible because there was a substantial narrowing of the male-female wage gap over the period. The ratio of women’s to men’s average wages; starting from about 0.57 in the 1964-1974 period, rose rapidly to 0.78 in the early 1990s. Even if we smooth out the fluctuations, the graph shows an average ratio of 0.75 in the 1990s, compared to 0.57 in the early 1970s.

The closing of the male-female wage gap suggests a relative improvement in the economic status of non-married women compared to non-married men. According to bargaining models of the household, we should expect to see a better deal for wives—control over a larger share of household resources – because they don’t need marriage as much as they used to. We should see that the share of household wealth spent on the wife increases relative to that spent on the husband.
Bargaining models of household behavior are rare in macroeconomics. Instead, the standard assumption is that households behave as if they were maximizing a fixed utility function. Known as the “unitary” model of the household, a basic implication is that when a good A becomes more expensive relative to another good B, the ratio of A to B that the household consumes should decline. When women’s wages rose relative to men’s, that increased the cost of wives’ leisure relative to that of husbands. The ratio of husbands’ leisure time to that of wives should therefore have increased.
In the bargaining model there is an additional potential effect on leisure: as the share of wealth the household spends on the wife increases, it should spend more on the wife’s leisure. Therefore the ratio of husband’s to wife’s leisure could increase or decrease, depending on the responsiveness of the bargaining solution to changes in the relative status of the spouses as singles.
To measure the change in relative leisure requires data on unpaid work, such as time spent on grocery shopping and chores around the house. The American Time-Use Survey is an important source for 2003 and later, and there also exist precursor surveys that can be used for some earlier years. The main limitation of these surveys is that they sample individuals, not couples, so one cannot measure the leisure ratio of individual households. Instead measurement consists of the average leisure of wives compared to that of husbands. The paper also shows the results of controlling for age and education. Overall, the message is clear; the relative leisure of married couples was essentially the same in 2003 as in 1975, about 1.05.
One can explain the stability of the leisure ratio through bargaining; the wife gets a higher share of the marriage’s resources when her wage increases, and this offsets the rise in the price of her leisure. This raises a set of essentially quantitative questions: Suppose that marital bargaining really did determine labor supply how big are the mistakes one would make in predicting labor supply by using a model without bargaining? To provide answers, I design a mathematical model of marriage and bargaining to resemble as closely as possible the ‘representative agent’ of canonical macro models. I use the model to measure the impact on labor supply of the closing of the gender wage gap, as well as other shocks, such as improvements to home -production technology.
People in the model use their share of household’s resources to buy themselves leisure and private consumption. They also allocate time to unpaid labor at home to produce a public consumption good that both spouses can enjoy together. We can therefore calibrate the model to exactly match the average time-allocation patterns observed in American time-use data. The calibrated model can then be used to compare the effects of the economic shocks in the bargaining and unitary models.
The results show that the rising of women’s wages can generate simultaneously the observed increase in married women’s paid work and the relative stability of that of the husbands. Bargaining is critical however; the unitary model, if calibrated to match the 1970s generates far too much of an increase in the wife’s paid labor, and far too large a decline in that of the men; in both cases, the prediction error is on the order of 2-3 weekly hours, about 10% of per-capita labor supply. In terms of aggregate labor, the error is much smaller because these sex-specific errors largely offset each other.
The bottom line therefore is that if, as is often the case, the research question does not require us to distinguish between the labor of different household or spouse types, then it may be reasonable to ignore bargaining between spouses. However if we need to understand the allocation of time across men and women, then models with bargaining have a lot to contribute.
John Knowles is a professor of economics at the University of Southampton. He was born in the UK and schooled in Canada, Spain and the Bahamas. After completing his PhD at the University of Rochester (NY, USA) in 1998, he taught at the University of Pennsylvania, and returned to the UK in 2008. His current research focuses on using mathematical models to analyze trends in marriage and unmarried birth rates in the US and Europe. He is the author of the paper ‘Why are Married Men Working So Much? An Aggregate Analysis of Intra-Household Bargaining and Labour Supply’, published in The Review of Economics Studies.
The Review of Economic Studies aims to encourage research in theoretical and applied economics, especially by young economists. It is widely recognised as one of the core top-five economics journals, with a reputation for publishing path-breaking papers, and is essential reading for economists.
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The post Why are married men working so much? appeared first on OUPblog.
Bamboo
In a Chinese village, Bamboo, a simple farmer, falls in love with a peasant girl, Ming, and soon they are married. To celebrate the wedding, the newlyweds plant a grove of bamboo. When Bamboo goes to the New World to seek his fortune, his new wife is left behind to till the fields. Ming soon discovers that the bamboo she brought as a gift to her new husband is magic...
If you liked this, try:
Liang and the Magic Paintbrush
One Grain of Rice
The Lost Horse
The Magic Tapestry
Seven Chinese Sisters
By:
Steve Novak,
on 6/30/2012
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In honor of the long awaited release of Goats Eat Cans Volume 2, Goats Eat Cans Volume 1 is completely and totally free as a Kindle download for three days!
Three days!
Three measly days!
For three days this thing won't cost you anything more than the time of your life that you'll eventually waste reading it!
For three days you can take money from my pocket and food from my table!
For three days you can rip me off and feel good about it because I'm asking you to do it!
Hell, I'm begging you to do it! I'm on my hands in knees in a leather outfit that leaves little to the imagination with my pasty white cheeks in the air, and I'm just begging to be spanked. Hit me damn it! Hit me and watch my ass ripple like the midsection of the world's most unattractive belly dancer!
CLICK HERE and punish me like the sad excuse for a man that I am! You know you want to.
Oh, and when you're done with that, maybe you could CLICK HERE and plunk down a couple bucks for Volume 2 to thank me.
Crazy ass-obsessed cheapskates.
By: Hazel Mitchell,
on 5/5/2012
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Illustration Friday and today's warm up sketch.
Toodles!
Hazel
I know I'm a day behind with the posts. No worries, I'll be all caught up by Sunday.
Today is my parents' wedding anniversary. Thirty-five years and still going strong. They're high school sweethearts, which means they've actually been together longer than 35 years. From what they tell me, their relationship started out as friendship and progressed into something more.
Thirty-five years is a LONG time. Not all couples make it that long. According to statistics, only 50% (or some high percentage like that) of married couples stay together. I am so glad my parents are a part of the group that has stayed together. Although their mushiness is something kids - even grown kids - would rather not witness from their parents, I'm glad to see they're still in love. I must admit, their mushiness is kinda cute. But don't you DARE tell them I said that.
They've made mistakes in their marriage; some I know...some I don't know. BUT I still consider them to be models for what a strong, godly marriage is supposed to look like. Watching my parents, I learned how important it is for couples to put God first in their relationship. I learned how a real man treats his wife and how a wife can be submissive without being a doormat. My father treats my mother like a queen. He's very protective of her...of all his girls (Mama, my sister, and I). My future hubby has some big shoes to fill. My mother knows when she needs to step back, but at the same time, she'll let Daddy know when he's wrong. She knows when to submit, even when she doesn't want to. We joke and say Mama is really the one who runs the house, but make no mistake. My dad is the head of the household as God intended him to be.
I pray that, when my time comes to be married and have a family, my marriage is as strong as my parents. No, each generation is supposed to be better than the previous, right? So, I pray my marriage is even stronger than my parents'...and that's pretty strong.
I absolutely adore my parents and am so blessed God chose me to be their child. My parents are all kinds of awesome and they deserve every good thing that comes their way.

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Shari Lyle-Soffe ,
on 4/2/2012
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By: Mark Miller,
on 10/12/2011
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I am involved with a new Christian radio station preparing to go on the air in Central Florida. As this is a non-profit, it will rely heavily on volunteers and pledges.
WTYG 91.5 FM will broadcast out of Sparr, FL, but we still need a little help. Maybe you've heard of Kickstarter? It's a great website for fundraisers of all sorts. Well, we started a campaign and you can get to it at this link:
Besides the satisfaction of helping spread a good message, I wanted to give you an extra incentive. We all know money is tight these days, but if you can spare a little for a good cause, then I want to share my writing with you.
For anybody that donates $5 or more, I will send you not one, not two, but three eBooks!
Once you make a pledge, send me an email to Mark@MillerWords.com or Mark@WTYGFM.com and I will send you all three stories:
0 Comments on Getting On The Air as of 1/1/1900
28 years ago today I began my longest relationship. We were together almost 19 years, meaning we broke up in June of 2002. We stayed together about 17 years too long for our mental health. But we are still friends, still bound together in deep ways. We were friends for 3 years before we became lovers, and we would have married had marriage been allowed between two women. And now we would be divorced. Divorced friends. We share the same values, same politics, same ideals. We kept house alike, both love animals, enjoy the same movies. And we make each other laugh. We had many good times, unfortunately they were outweighed by the anger.
We never cheated on each other. There was no alcohol, or drugs. No physical abuse. Well, almost, a couple of times, but we got that in check. But there was emotional abuse and plenty of it. So we saw couple counselors for years. We learned all the communication devices. We tried living apart. For years.
And finally I called an end to trying. After a couple of years I tried with someone else for a few months -- and got my heart broken. I don't want to try again. I think I'm too old. Or maybe I tried too long and too hard for too many years. So today, I'm going to celebrate the anniversary of the day I embarked on a great adventure of love. It was a rocky road, and it didn't last as a marriage, but the friendship endured. That in itself is worth celebrating. Cheers!
By: Mark Miller,
on 8/14/2011
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I have, in my writing career, come to be associated with some truly amazing people. The list is too long to name them all and I wouldn't want to forget anybody. Let me say these are not only talented people in the world of books (authors, publishers, promoters), but also some terrifically kind and generous folks. These are people that work hard and always have a positive word.
There is one person I would like to single out and call my friend, although we have never met face to face. Giovanni Gelati
is a blogger, book reviewer, author, publisher, promoter and graphic artist. He is affirming, generous and supportive, but also aggressive in helping his friends/authors with their promotions.
You may find his reviews of my work to be a little bias based on what I said above, but I am humbled by his kind words of my two most recent releases.
Daniel's Lot
is my adaptation of the faith-based motion picture about a man tested in his personal and professional life. He turns to his faith and finds an amazing answer. The movie is available on DVD
and soon to be on syndicated cable TV.
Meant To Be
is the debut story for Mark Miller's One, a spiritual anthology of true stories. The series, which I am honored to headline for Trestle Press
, will explore beliefs from around the world and how we all must live on this one planet.
You can read the review for Daniel's Lot at this link:
Gelati's Scoop Reviews Daniel's Lot
You can read the review
By: Mark Miller,
on 8/8/2011
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By: Lauren,
on 8/8/2011
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By Helen Berry
I happened to be in New York at the end of June this year when the State legislature passed the Marriage Equality Act to legalise same-sex marriage. By coincidence, it was Gay Pride weekend, and a million people waved rainbow flags in the streets of Manhattan, celebrating this landmark ruling in the campaign for gay rights, and I was one of them.
What struck me as a visitor from the UK – where civil partnerships for same-sex couples have been legal since 2004 – was the way in which gay marriage is still such a divisive issue in American politics.
I have been busy writing my book, so much so that I haven’t had a chance to post a blog. Until today. My book is not a sequel to my memoir, Becoming Alice. Rather it is what now is called creative nonfiction. I won’t belabor the point by going into a lengthy definition of that category, but instead I’ll tell you it is about a young woman who basically wants to get married. What woman doesn’t?
In the process of dating and the man and woman in my story have a lot of yin and yang between them. I thought you might like to know what that means. I went to my dictionary and here it is: “Yin and Yang (Chinese philosophy) are two principles, one negative, dark, and feminine (Yin) and one positive, bright, and masculine (Yang), whose interaction influences the destinies of creatures and things.”
I object! I have never heard yin-yang used in such a way. I have always thought of it as two forces that pull in different directions, perhaps like the positive and negative in electicity or the currect Republicans and Democrats in Congress. I just had to get that one in there. I personally used it in the back and forth dance couples often do when they first get to know one another. Or, what married couples often do for the rest of their lives.
Being a woman I STRONGLY OBJECT to the negative force being identified as feminine. And who says the positive force is always masculine.
I’ve got to do something to protest. I can throw my dictionaly away. Obviously it is way out of date. Or, I could give up on Chinese philosophy on which I have often relied. My favorite sayings are “He who hesitates is lost.” and “Patience is a virtue.” Perhaps it was Confucious who said that.
In any case I am right about people not always seeing things the same way. That is just part of the human condition, call it yin and yang or whatever you like.
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0 Comments on
The Yin and Yang of Love as of 1/1/1900

Author: Ellen Graf
Publisher: Trumpeter Books
Genre: Memoir
ISBN: 978-1-59030-833-2
Pages: 272
Price: $15.95
Author’s website
Zhong-hua’s brush paintings
Buy it at Amazon
Ellen is forty-six, divorced and lonely, so she doesn’t resist when her Chinese friend suggests maybe Ellen and her brother, Zhong-hua, might like each other. But first Ellen must travel to China to meet him – a man who speaks almost no English. Surprisingly, Ellen and Zhong-hua get along and agree to marry. After processing his immigration paperwork, he finally arrives in upstate New York, where they live in Ellen’s house. Now the fun begins, as Ellen realizes Zhong-hua operates by a whole different cultural standard than she’s used to.
Zhong-hua believes that a man doesn’t need to let his wife know where he is going, and disappears frequently. This might not be such a bad thing, ordinarily, except Zhong-hua gets lost easily, and still doesn’t speak much English. He also doesn’t think it’s necessary to apologize, offer greetings, or do any of the other niceties Ellen expects from a husband. In fact, bumping into her is considered a form of affection.
The house falls into disrepair, several cars and various pieces of machinery meet their ends, and both of their old dogs grow feeble. But when Zhong-hua’s health takes a scary turn, these two mismatched lovers pull together to try to make the best of things.
Although this memoir is touted as being humorous, I found The Natural Laws of Good Luck incredibly touching. Ellen shows remarkable patience with her culturally inept husband, and gives in to his many demands with good grace. Living in a foreign country is hard on Zhong-hua, and Ellen allows for his comfort, even if at times it conflicts with her own. Both strive to be loving and make their marriage work, and it’s encouraging to see them look past their shortcomings to see the good in each other. I highly recommend this wonderfully sweet love story.
Reviewer: Alice Berger
0 Comments on The Natural Laws of Good Luck as of 1/1/1900
I was just reading a blog about a designer that believes he makes dresses that can change women's lives. Really? Have you ever had or even worn a dress or ANY article of clothing that changed your life?
My last post was about the possibility of the US government defaulting on its debt, and today I'm writing about dresses that could change your life. Really, Sandra? Really? Has the economy turned around? Has Congress suddenly decided to compromise? Maybe. The President is endorsing bipartisan "deal on debt", and the so-called Gang of Six [Senators] are pressing forward on something that appears to be a bipartisan compromise that will include slashing the budget and raising revenue. Including some cuts to Medicare and Medicaid.
Also new today: President Obama has endorsed the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act. All in all a red-letter day. Or maybe a red dress day. Secretary Clinton has not endorsed the repeal of DOMA, nor has she come out in favor of same sex marriage. Come on, Hillary.
I have had a lot of favorite clothing items in my life beginning with that cranberry red silk velvet dress that I outgrew at the age of four and am still writing about. I've worn dresses that made me feel beautiful, and one that I hallucinated in and that hallucination became a self-fulfilling prophecy ... that was sad and horrible. Was that life-changing? If so, it was in a bad way. Every now and then I go through my wardrobe and through out everything that makes me feel fat or dumpy. Even if I bought it last week.
I can remember almost everything I ever wore at events that were life changing, but nothing I ever wore actually changed my life. What about you? What was it? Where did you get it? In what way did your life change? Did you become a better person? A better singer? Suddenly you could dance? Oh wait a minute! I never walked until my mom bought me a pair of shoes, but the minute she laced them up on me I took off walking. Does that count?
By: Elvin Lim,
on 6/28/2011
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By Elvin Lim
New York has just become the sixth state to legalize same-sex marriage, together with Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Iowa, and the District of Columbia. New Jersey, Maryland, and Rhode Island have not legalized same-sex marriage, but they do recognize those performed in other states. State by state, the dominoes against same-sex marriage are falling away as surely as reason must conquer unreason. President Barack Obama has been accused of allowing a state governor, Mario Cuomo, to be the leader on this issue. But on this issue, Obama’s hesitation and characteristic equivocation might turn out to be strategically, if unintentionally, wise, because civil rights issues are most effectively advanced by state legislatures, not national institutions.
Consider the bittersweet record of the Civil Rights movement. Brown v. Board of Education (1954) and the lesser known Loving v. Virginia (1967) (which legalized inter-racial marriage) were landmark Supreme Court decisions. But they created decades of backlash, most easily exemplified by the busing controversy as well as the “special rights” retort — the argument that a too-ready conferral of alleged rights to identity groups creates an atomistic society and a government with more obligations than it can or ought to fulfill — the lead argument against affirmative action policies today. In 1967, the year inter-racial marriage was made legal by “judicial activism,” 72 percent of Americans were opposed to inter-racial marriage. It was not until 1991, 35 years later, that these Americans became a minority. Brown and Loving gave us the right decisions, but not necessary with the smartest strategy.
The history of the same-sex marriage movement in the mid-2000s exhibited the same one step forward, two step backwards tendency when it tried to follow in the strategic footsteps of the Civil Rights movement, by way of Courts. In 2004, the Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts declared, in Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, that it’s inconsistent with the State’s constitution to limit marriage only to opposite-sex couples. Massachusetts became the first US state to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples; a triumphant first hurrah, but ultimately a harbinger of backlash, including a national movement to amend the US constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman, and the passage of amendments in 11 state constitutions to the same on election day. 2004 would be remembered as the of anti-same-sex-marriage backlash, not the year when the movement for marriage equality started.
But something remarkable happened in the last few years, when the movement decided that the “special rights” retort was too powerful to overcome. The movement suspended its alliance with the Courts, and turned, as presidential candidates must, to a state-by-state strategy. In doing this, the movement drove a knife into the the heart of the anti-same-sex-marriage argument. The argument against “activist judges” — a procedural argument that disguises the moral disgust — cannot stand when state legislatures comprised of elected officials redefine the meaning of marriage. Just seven years after a national hysteria against “judicial activism,” conservative groups are now left with one of two choices: either come out (no pun intended) and articulate the real moral or religious reasons why they are against same-se
By: Kirsty,
on 4/28/2011
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By Helen Berry
The purpose of British royalty is for people to look at them. Successful monarchs throughout history have understood this basic necessity and exploited it. Elizabeth I failed to marry, and thus denied her subjects the greatest of all opportunities for royal spectacle. However, she made up for it with a queenly progress around England. As the house guest of the local gentry and nobility, she cleverly deferred upon her hosts the expense of providing bed, breakfast and lavish entertainment for her vast entourage, in return for getting up close and personal with her royal personage. It was not enough to be queen: she had to be seen to be queen. Not many monarchs pursued such an energetic itinerary or bothered to visit the farther-flung corners of their realm again (unless they proved fractious and started a rebellion). But then, most of Elizabeth’s successors over the next two hundred years were men, who could demonstrate their iconic status and personal authority, if need be, upon the battlefield (which was no mere theory: as every schoolboy or girl ought to know, George II was the last monarch to British lead troops in battle).
Towards the end of the seventeenth century, improvements in print technology and increasing freedom of the press provided a new way for British people to look at their king or queen. The rise of a mass media in Britain was made possible by the lapse of the Press Act in 1695 (the last concerted attempt by the government to censor newspapers). The Constitutional Settlement of 1689 had determined that Divine Right was not the source of the king’s authority, rather, the consent of the people through parliament. So, during the next century, from the very moment that the monarchy had started to become divested of actual power, royal-watching through the press increasingly became a spectator sport. Essentially harmless, the diverting obsession with celebrity royals proved the proverbial wisdom inherited from ancient Rome that ‘beer and circuses’ were a great way to keep people happy, and thus avoid the need to engage them with the complex and unpleasant realpolitik of the day.
It was during the long reign of George III (1760-1820) that newspapers truly started to become agents of mass propaganda for the monarchy as figureheads of that elusive concept: British national identity. The reporting of royal births, marriages and deaths became a staple of journalistic interest. Royal households had always been subject to the gaze of courtiers, politicians and visiting dignitaries, but via the press, this lack of privacy now became magnified, with public curiosity extending to the details of what royal brides wore on their wedding days. George III made the somewhat unromantic declaration to his Council in July 1761: ‘I am come to Resolution to demand in Marriage Princess Charlotte of Mecklenburg Strelitz’. She was a woman ‘distinguished by every eminent Virtue and amiable Endowment’, a Protestant princess from an aristocratic German house who spoke no English before her wedding, but no matter: she was of royal blood and from ‘an illustrious Line’.
The first blow-by-blow media account of the making of a royal bride ensued, starting with the employment of 300 men to fit up the king’s yacht in Deptford to fetch Charlotte from across the Channel. Over the course of the summer in an atmosphere of anticipation at seeing their future Queen, London printsellers began cashing in, with pin-up portraits of the Princess ‘done from a Miniature’ at two shillings a time. Negotiations towards the contract of marriage were followed closely by the newsreading public during August and were concluded mid-month to general satisfaction. Finally, after two weeks of wearisome travel, on September 7th, the Princess arrived at Harwich. The St. Jam
By: Pete Ellis,
on 4/16/2011
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Ahhh! Ain't they lovely!
By: Michelle,
on 3/29/2011
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By Michelle Rafferty
As most of you probably know by now, there’s a new stage in life – emerging adulthood, or for the purposes of this post, the unmarried young adult. Marriage is getting pushed off (26 is now the average age for women, 28 for men) which means…more premarital sex than ever!
According to sociologists, emerging adults are all part of a sexual market in which the “cost” of sex for men and women in heterosexual relationships is pretty different. Out of this disparity has risen the theory of “sexual economics,” which I recently read up on in Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying. At first glance women appeared to be the clear losers in this market. See this passage:
Sexual economics theory would argue that sex is about acquiring valued “resources” at least as much as it is about seeking pleasure. When most people think of women trading sex for resources, they think of prostitution and money as the terms of exchange. But this theory encourages us to think far more broadly about the resources that the average woman values and attempts to acquire in return for sex – things like love, attention, status, self-esteem, affection, commitment, and feelings of emotional union. Within many emerging adults’ relationships, orgasms are not often traded equally.
Basically, the sexual economics theory says that while women and men are doing the same thing during sex, socially they are doing two different things. Women can and do enjoy sex, but they also have an agenda, while men…just want to have sex. Which to me just seemed, well, sad. Hadn’t women all finally agreed that a man can’t ever make you happy, only you can? But the more I read up on the theory of sexual economics, the less cut-and-dry it became. Women might use sex to get commitment, but they’re also getting things like advanced degrees and independent financial stability - which also play a role in this new sexual economy. This led me to ask: are men really the clear winners in this game? I scoured the countless studies and interviews in Premartial Sex in America and came up with the following chart to sort all the data out.
Wins in the Emerging Adult Sexual Market by Gender




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Today's Youth Advisory Board post is from Emily, who recently visited Kenya with her adoptive brother and learned about some surprising differences between Kenyan and American youth culture. Particularly in the "romance" department, as many Kenyan... Read the rest of this post
By: Anastasia Goodstein,
on 2/4/2011
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Look for an "American Idol" (greatest hits album to drop on March 15, featuring popular singles from stars that got their start on the show — Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Adam Lambert, and more…though unfortunately missing is Jennifer... Read the rest of this post
I was having lunch the other day with one of my cousins and as is usual in our meetings, the conversation turned to a rundown of what is new with each member of our extended family. We don’t have a very large family but still, it seems that certain members see each other more regularly than others. I’m not sure if that is “normal” or not. I think it is.
So, I asked my cousin about some members with whom she is closer and the conversation went to a married couple in which the husband has been very successful financially. As I remember him, he was always the one to remind the rest of us about how he rose from being a shipping clerk to being the head of his lucrative company. Meanwhile, his well-dressed, bejeweled wife would sit in the background silently, smiling.
“Don’t kid yourself,” my cousin said to me at lunch. “She’s the whole show.” Of course, what she meant was that the quiet, subservient wife was, in fact, “the boss!”
It made me think about so many European families that I knew growing up as an immigrant in Portland, Oregon in which I saw that same equation at work. It seems to me, looking back at it all, that the Viennese culture I knew then required the husband/father to be the head of the family and thereby the one to lay down all the laws by which everyone under his roof was to live.
However, their wives somehow knew how to finagle their husbands into giving in to their wishes. My mother did it by crying. I’m sure others had other means for manipulating their husbands … without their even knowing it.
What was and still is clear though, is that everyone else among their acquaintances who knew the couple, knew exactly who was “the boss.”
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In my last blog I wrote that it is common for one person to be the decision maker, leader, boss, or, whatever you want to call it, in a relationship. Sometimes that person is aware of it and takes advantage of his dominance; sometimes it comes about in a very subtle way, as I described in many European marriages I witnessed as a child.
The whole subject got me thinking about the person or persons who are being dominated, be they wives, children, office workers, farm hands, secretaries, etc. I think sometimes people are content to be bossed around because it takes the responsibility of making decisions away from them. It is my feeling about people who follow certain religious leaders who dictate to others how they are to live their lives.
Most usual, in my opinion, people are not happy to be controlled in any way. How do they then deal with their discontent? They may seek to dethrone the dominant person by fighting for his/her position as in a family, business, law office, etc. Perhaps they will do as I did when I felt I could not live being dominated by my father. I left the household and moved to another city. I have known others who have left their religion, their job, and even their family.
For me it is clear that being bossed/dominated does not work in the long run. What I didn’t know was that my family members would eventaully follow me to me new home city, forcing me then to take over the leadership position. I hope I didn’t abuse that power.
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By: Kirsty,
on 3/8/2011
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Today on OUPblog we’re celebrating the 100th International Women’s Day with posts about inspirational women. Here, OUPblog Contributing Editor Kirsty Doole writes about why she’s chosen 19th century writer Mona Caird and brings us an excerpt from Caird’s Oxford Dictionary of National Biography entry.
These days, not many people outside of academia seem to know who Mona Caird was. I certainly didn’t until I was studying for my Masters degree and decided to write on the New Woman writers of the late 19th century. Through that I came to read her novel, The Daughters of Danaus (1894), which is the story of Hadria, a girl from the Scottish Borders who wants to be a composer. However, the pressure to fulfil the traditional roles of wife and mother is insurmountable and her musical ambitions are ultimately sacrificed to her family obligations. The book is rightly regarded as something of a feminist classic, and it has become one of my very favourite books.
Caird is most often remembered as the woman who wrote an essay in 1888 for the Westminster Review on marriage and the many injustices that she believed it forced onto women. The Daily Telegraph, in response, asked readers to write in with their answers to the question ‘Is Marriage a Failure?’, which prompted something in the region of 27,000 responses from readers (male and female). She went on to write more essays on marriage, as well as on anti-vivisectionism and animal rights. Both her feminism and her animal rights position made her very controversial in her day, and it’s for her bravery and outspoken ways that I admire her.
As far as I can tell, there are only two of her novels still in print (The Daughters of Danaus and The Wing of Azrael), which is a shame as I really think she deserves to be better-known. So, in the spirit of International Women’s Day (which didn’t exist in Caird’s lifetime, but of which she would surely have approved) here’s an excerpt from her entry in the Oxford Dictionary of National Biography. You can read the full entry here.
* * * * *
Caird [née Alison], (Alice) Mona (1854–1932), writer, was born on 24 May 1854 at 34 Pier Street, Ryde, Isle of Wight, to John Alison, an inventor from Midlothian, and Matilda Ann Jane, née Hector. As a child she wrote plays and stories. It seems that she spent part of her childhood in Australia and she uses this experience in her first novel, Aunt Hetty, published anonymously in 1877. On 19 December 1877 she married James Alexander Caird (d. 1921), son of Sir James Caird, at Christ Church, Paddington, London. The couple resided at Leyland, Arkwright Road, Hampstead, London, for the remainder of their forty-four-year marriage. Their only child, Alison James Caird, was born at Leyland on 22 March 1884.
At the beginning of her writing career, Caird briefly used the pseudonym G. Noel Hatton, but of the five novels she published between 1883 and 1915, The Wing of Azrael (1889), A Romance of the Moors (1891), and The Daughters of Danaus (1894; repr. 1989), published under her own name, have received the most attention from literary critics…
…Her general ideas are focused on equality for women in marriage and for equal partnerships in the home which will ‘bring us to the end of the patriarchal system’ which she described as repressive both for men, who were trained to see only ‘the woman’s-sphere and woman’s-responsibility condition of things’, and for women, whose ‘

Adrian Tomine’s Scenes from an Impending Marriage is a perfect little book. It chronicles the planning and build-up to Tomine’s wedding in comic strip form, and the occasional single panel gag.
Until now I have never really connected with Tomine’s work. But there is something just right about these little stories presented in a 9-panel grid. Reading the strips is a master class in cartooning. The figures and backgrounds are drawn with precision and masterful minimalism, the punchlines are timed just so, and the lettering and panel sizes are measured and considered to near perfection.

Probably, though, the smart design of the physical book itself is what gives it the potential to be a perennial seller. This solid little hardcover sports a clean, modern design, is priced strategically at $10, and the light turquoise guarantees it’ll fit right in at a bridal shower. This is one of those books you’ll pick up in a gift store and realize you can’t not buy it as a wedding gift. Is this Drawn & Quarterly’s first de facto gift book? On the surface it certainly seems more at home in a Hallmark store than in even their own Montreal indie comics boutique. It has a permanent spot on my gift list for friends’ future weddings.
Unless you’re one of my friends reading this, in which case I got you a toaster.
By: At A Hen's Pace,
on 3/25/2011
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Debated about whether to announce this, but since we are leaving so many people at our house, maybe it's safe to say...the blog will be resting for the next week or so while Papa Rooster and I get away--somewhere warm, without cell phone service and without internet (well, free internet) for an early celebration of twenty-five years of marriage!
December 20 has always been a bad time to try to get away, and we always say, "we'll do something after the holidays." Then we never do. For this anniversary, it seemed appropriate to make sure we get it in by going early!
Papa Rooster is bringing his camera, so I should have lots of pics to post when we return.
My beach reading list:
The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Sabbath (Mark Buchanan)
Between Sundays (Karen Kingsbury) (Blondechick recommended)
Ellis Island & Other Stories (Mark Helprin)
Making Room for Life: Trading Chaotic Lifestyles for Connected Relationships (Randy Frazee) (from Papa Rooster)
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Love all your sweet sketches, Hazel.
This one today is fantastic....
They all are~
You've got such a wonderful gift~
Diane
Adorable, and hilarious idea! Love the style with your great details and soft colors, and all those great critters. (The bear is looking a tad shell-shocked. Perhaps marriage was not something he imagined for himself when he woke up that morning!)
Hi Diane ... thanks! I love doing these little doodle sketches ... I don't get much time to think about them and that can sometimes help.
Thanks Cindy ... yes the bear got thrust into this role as groom and really isn't ready for marriage. I think Elizabeth Bennett looks a tad pushy too!
oh my goodness look at all those details. It' wonderful.
Love the way you create your characters Hazel.All your sketches are damn cute!lovely!
Thanks so much Joyeeta!
Wedding doodles. And then a Toodles...
:-)