SCENES FROM LIFE: A short playette
THE COFFEE DILEMMA
SCENE: A WELL-KNOWN FAST-FOOD OUTLET BEGINNING WITH LETTERS “Mc”. A MAN AND WOMAN STAND IN LINE, WAITING TO PLACE THEIR ORDER WITH COUNTER PERSON
HE
Whad’ya taking? The usual?
SHE
(examining menu choices)
Not sure...
HE
You always end up taking number five
SHE
Well...I just might be daring and opt for something different for a change
HE
I’ll stick to the usual. The Big M. So?
SHE
What’s the rush? I haven’t decided yet...
HE
It’s our turn (to COUNTER PERSON) ‘Number 8’
COUNTER PERSON
The full meal?
HE
Yup.
COUNTER PERSON
(keying in order)
Soft drink with that?
HE
Right. So? (to SHE) What’s it gonna be?
SHE
O-kay...I’ll take...
HE
...let me guess. Number 5
SHE
So what? At least chicken breast is a healthier choice. Too much beef is bad for your heart
HE
Is that a fact? Then I guess you won’t be taking the full meal ‘cause it has fries. Right?
SHE
A few fries now and then don’t hurt.
HE
Okay. She’ll have the full meal, fries included...
SHE
...and a coffee
SERVER
(stunned look on her face)
So you want a soft drink AND coffee?
SHE
No. Just a coffee please
SERVER
That won’t work.
SHE
Why not?
SERVER
The full meal comes with a soft drink.
HE
Can’t you replace the soft drink with a coffee?
SERVER
Uh-uh. If you want a coffee, then you can’t have the full meal. That’s the way it works
SHE
What? Never heard of that!
SERVER
I’ll have to order each item, separately
HE
That makes no sense, whatsoever, not to mention cost more
SHE
I mean, we could keep it between the two of us. We wouldn’t have to tell the computer. Really – it will never know
SERVER
You can order a full meal WITH a medium soft drink AND a coffee. That’s okay
SHE
What? But...I can’t drink all that liquid! I’ll float
HE
Just say yes and we’ll throw away the soft drink.
SHE
No – this is like...soooo stupid. All I want – all I need – is a coffee. Periiod
SERVER
But you can have a small coffee AND a soft drink
SHE
What type of crappy rule is that? Just like your dumb no refills on tea rule.
(manager is watching the server and listening to conversation)
HE
Our food is getting cold. Please make the necessary adjustment
SERVER
(very unnerved)
I’ve...never had this happen...before. I’m going to have...to...speak with someone. If you take a meal...you have to have a soft drink...
(she starts to turn around and is confronted with manager. They have an animated conversation)
Um...my manager says you can have coffee instead of a soft drink.
SHE
Oh goodie!
(COUNTER PERSON computes total. HE checks bill)
HE
You’ve over-charged us by a dollar
COUNTER PERSON
Really? Let me see the bill... You’re right. Now I’m going to have to place the order all over again. So that would be a full meal Big M...a full meal chicken breast...two soft drinks...
SHE
Coffee...
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