0 Comments on New sketches for preschool picture book that celebrates the wonders of Springtime! as of 2/22/2016 1:28:00 PM
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By: Kim Sponaugle,
on 2/22/2016
Blog: Picture Book Illustration by Kim Sponaugle (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Debbie Estrem, family Easter, children, adventure, learning, spring, springtime, preschoolers, Picture book illustrator, Children's book illustrator, Picture Kitchen Studio, books illustrated by Kim sponaugle, Add a tag
By: [email protected],
on 12/28/2014
Blog: Perpetually Adolescent (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: YA, short fiction, Springtime, Jackie French, david malouf, Book Reviews - Childrens and Young Adult, Book Reviews - Fiction, Book Reviews - Non-Fiction, john kinsella, Book Reviews - Poetry, Joy Lawn, Nona and Me, Geoffrey Lehmann, The protected, Laurinda, Cracks in the Kingdom, Only the Animals, Assassination of Margaret Thatcher, ceridwen dovey, Incredible adventures of cinnamon girl, noel pearson, Quarterly Essays, The Strange Library, Add a tag
By: Dorothy Patent,
on 5/17/2012
Blog: I.N.K.: Interesting Non fiction for Kids (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: writing, details, springtime, nonfiction writing, Wildflowers, Dorothy Hinshaw Patent, Jeanette Ingold, Peggy Christian, Arnica, Add a tag
By: Dorothy Patent,
on 5/19/2011
Blog: I.N.K.: Interesting Non fiction for Kids (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: flowers, writing, beauty, springtime, Dorothy Patent, Dorothy Hinshaw Patent, Add a tag
By: Garden Painter Art,
on 3/18/2009
Blog: Garden Painter Art (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: dog, collage, mixed media, watercolor, surreal, bunny, rabbit, Boston Terrier, Kimberly Wlassak, Garden Painter Art, ACEO, springtime, free shipping, free aceo, vernal equinox, Add a tag
By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 12/7/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, kids, Illustration Friday, just for fun, weather, Animals, Children's Book, Springtime, Add a tag
By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 5/13/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, kids, weather, pencil, experimental, sketchbook, Springtime, 21 Day Challenge, Add a tag
By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 5/12/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: pencil, experimental, sketchbook, Springtime, 21 Day Challenge, kids, Add a tag
By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 5/5/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Drawing, Animals, pencil, sketchbook, Springtime, 21 Day Challenge, Children's Book illustration, kids, friendship, Add a tag
By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 4/11/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, Animals, sketchbook, Springtime, Add a tag
By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 4/10/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, kids, sketchbook, Springtime, Add a tag
By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 3/23/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, Illustration Friday, Animals, sketchbook, Easter, Sunshine, Springtime, Add a tag
By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 3/21/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, kids, just for fun, Drawing, Animals, People, sketchbook, Easter, Springtime, Add a tag
By: Garden Painter Art,
on 2/21/2008
Blog: Garden Painter Art (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Etsy, collage, Garden Painter Art, Kimberly Wlassak, Etsy, ACEO, springtime, collage mixed media, Kimberly Wlassak, collage mixed media, Garden Painter Art, ACEO, springtime, Add a tag
By: Evil Editor,
on 1/29/2008
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By: Evil Editor,
on 12/5/2007
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By: Evil Editor,
on 11/7/2007
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By: Evil Editor,
on 6/21/2007
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Viewing: Blog Posts Tagged with: Springtime, Most Recent at Top [Help]
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By: Kim Sponaugle,
on 2/22/2016
Blog: Picture Book Illustration by Kim Sponaugle (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Debbie Estrem, family Easter, children, adventure, learning, spring, springtime, preschoolers, Picture book illustrator, Children's book illustrator, Picture Kitchen Studio, books illustrated by Kim sponaugle, Add a tag
By: [email protected],
on 12/28/2014
Blog: Perpetually Adolescent (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: YA, short fiction, Springtime, Jackie French, david malouf, Book Reviews - Childrens and Young Adult, Book Reviews - Fiction, Book Reviews - Non-Fiction, john kinsella, Book Reviews - Poetry, Joy Lawn, Nona and Me, Geoffrey Lehmann, The protected, Laurinda, Cracks in the Kingdom, Only the Animals, Assassination of Margaret Thatcher, ceridwen dovey, Incredible adventures of cinnamon girl, noel pearson, Quarterly Essays, The Strange Library, Add a tag
The Christmas holidays are most likely your best chance in the year to read. If your family or close friends aren’t as keen as you, send them off on other pursuits – the Sydney Festival if you’re in NSW (or even if not); bush walks, tennis or whitewater rafting; the beach; the movies, especially moonlit […]
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By: Dorothy Patent,
on 5/17/2012
Blog: I.N.K.: Interesting Non fiction for Kids (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: writing, details, springtime, nonfiction writing, Wildflowers, Dorothy Hinshaw Patent, Jeanette Ingold, Peggy Christian, Arnica, Add a tag
Springtime is my favorite season, and wildflowers are a major attraction here in beautiful western Montana. The parade has begun, starting with buttercups in March and continuing through a roadside trio of larkspur, star flower, and biscuit root—purple, white, and yellow, a combo that would make a beautiful flag.
I’m celebrating the season by taking a class in wildflower journalling, both because I love the flowers and because I am not fundamentally a detail person. A class like this, where I’m sketching the plants to document them, forces me to switch into the often neglected detail mode. And I know, as a writer, that details are critical in bringing my writing to life. Details help the reader ‘see’ what you’re writing about and can jump start a movie in the brain that will carry your reader seamlessly through your work. This principle can be used to lead a reader through a sequence of ideas or information to a conclusion every bit as well as to carry the reader along through an exciting fiction story.
While pondering these thoughts as I climbed a trail up the mountain we live on, I noticed delicate yellow-flowered Arnica plants blooming in the dappled shade I leaned over and focused in on a single plant with my camera to document it for my wildflower project. Further up the slope, I saw an image that epitomized Arnica’s habitat preference—an oval of tall pines created a shady spot decorated by a patch of Arnica, its borders sketched by the shade of the trees. I suddenly realized that two kinds of detail exist, small detail and big detail. Small detail would encompass the minute features of each plant, while big detail consisted of larger but still specific features such as the way the plants are growing in the shady patch among the pines.
When we writers wish to create images for our readers, we may move from small detail to big detail, or vice versa, depending on where we’re going with our words. Here’s the masterful nonfiction introduction from my friend Jeanette Ingold’s Montana Book Award Honor Book novel, “The Big Burn” that moves through many small details, then widens to the big picture:
The wildfires had been burning for weeks.
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By: Dorothy Patent,
on 5/19/2011
Blog: I.N.K.: Interesting Non fiction for Kids (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: flowers, writing, beauty, springtime, Dorothy Patent, Dorothy Hinshaw Patent, Add a tag
We nonfiction writers tend to live more in the real world than in the world of the imagination. I know I feel very grounded in place, wherever I am, and I’m experiencing what goes on around me—the sun, or not; the breeze, or the heavy dense air; the soft forest path under my feet or the hard concrete sidewalk. Roz Schanzer expressed this feeling very well in her recent blog about her Costa Rican photo safari. At times, like during a drab, hard winter, our way of being so intimately in touch can be perhaps more difficult than for those who can escape into their heads with flights of fancy.
But when spring finally does break, as it did just a week ago at my home in Montana, the natural perception and appreciation of the real becomes an energizing joy. With a bedroom window open, my house soaks up the amazing smell of spring—of growth, life, fruit trees in bloom, whatever goes into that heady concoction that proclaims, “Spring is here!”
I haven’t discussed this idea with my fiction-writing friends, and maybe I’m wrong; maybe they find a gray, cold winter just as oppressive as I do. It depresses my creative juices, and nonfiction writing is a creative art, as we nonfiction writers struggle to recreate the real world through words invented by humans. We struggle especially hard to describe sensations like smell and taste, for which our language has few useful words. And when I see the amazing variety of color and size and shape in natural beings like these flowers in the garden of my friend, I’m overwhelmed by the idea that I might even try to express their beauty and variety in mere words. Then I remember that doing is not only my job, it’s my passion and my great challenge.
1 Comments on Spring Has Sprung!, last added: 5/20/2011
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By: Homespun Emily,
on 3/14/2011
Blog: HOMESPUN LIGHT (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: outdoors, homeschool, springtime, summertime, family activities, Add a tag
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JacketFlap tags: outdoors, homeschool, springtime, summertime, family activities, Add a tag
What kid doesn't love bubbles on a warm, spring day? Try using some different solutions and unusual bubble wands. We made bubbles out of water, liquid dish soap, and karo syrup.
Try not to be irritated when the bubbles are overturned. It's inevitable, isn't it?
After bubble-making, cool off with a cup of cold chocolate milk...Bubble-blowing permitted. Chocolate mustaches encouraged.
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By: Garden Painter Art,
on 3/18/2009
Blog: Garden Painter Art (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: dog, collage, mixed media, watercolor, surreal, bunny, rabbit, Boston Terrier, Kimberly Wlassak, Garden Painter Art, ACEO, springtime, free shipping, free aceo, vernal equinox, Add a tag
Good Morning:
Oh it is a lovely and warm day. The twitterpated birds are busy gathering bits of this and pieces of that. All to be woven into ragged yet efficient homes for their upcoming eggs.
I am on the watch for the return of my yearly visitors...The Hooded Orioles.
I have my Oriole feeder ready to hang at the first sight of flickering orange. They will stay with us from early spring through September. The male visits first, establishes the feeder and then brings his "wife". They will build their nests away from the feeding station. Once the eggs have hatched and the babies (usually two) are big enough to take flight, mom and dad will introduce them to the feeder. By the time they take leave in the Autumn, the babies will be teenagers.
Oh how I adore Springtime!
In celebration of the upcoming Vernal Equinox, I am offering free shipping on my three favorite prints from my Art Shop... When purchasing, mention that you read about the sale on my blog and I will add a free ACEO print of your choice.
Here are the three Springtime prints:
Little Bertie in the Garden
Rabbit's Unexpected Party
Dancing Fiona
Until Next Time:
Kim
Garden Painter Art
3 Comments on IN CELEBRATION OF THE VERNAL EQUINOX, last added: 4/6/2009
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By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 12/7/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, kids, Illustration Friday, just for fun, weather, Animals, Children's Book, Springtime, Add a tag
By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 5/13/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, kids, weather, pencil, experimental, sketchbook, Springtime, 21 Day Challenge, Add a tag
©Kathleen Rietz
I tried another pose that seems sort of challenging to me. Sometimes we lose the fullness of form when we try to draw a person lying flat on the ground.....and I think the foreshortening of crossing one leg over the other can also be challenging. But this is such a relaxed pose. Can you tell how much I am longing for summer??
4 Comments on Day 12 of 21 - another challenging pose, last added: 5/13/2008
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By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 5/12/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: pencil, experimental, sketchbook, Springtime, 21 Day Challenge, kids, Add a tag
©Katleen Rietz
Tonite I challenged myself to draw a child in a scrunched position, and to give that child glasses. I sometimes think proportions can be tough in a pose like this, and glasses can look comical if one is not careful. Overall, I am pleased with the sketch, although I admit I fussed with some shading and the spade and watering can for a while and it took me longer than 15 minutes. I sort of liked it before I added all of the rendering. It had a really nice spontaneity to it.
12 Comments on Day 11 of 21, last added: 5/15/2008
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By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 5/5/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Drawing, Animals, pencil, sketchbook, Springtime, 21 Day Challenge, Children's Book illustration, kids, friendship, Add a tag
©Kathleen Rietz
Ooops - I missed a few days. Oh, the life of a freelance artist can take its toll. The first quarter of this year was so dreadfullly slow. I spent much of it pushing myself to draw every day, experiment, stretch my vision as an artist....and it seems to be paying off right now. Much of what is happening in my professional life I need to keep quiet about for the moment. But this lifestyle - especially in this current economy - is feast or famine. So I missed a few days because I took some time for myself to recover from overlapping deadlines last week. I made it into the gym, saw friends, walked the dog and planted a tree. These simple joys inspired today's post, which is an ode to Winnie the Pooh.
20 Comments on Day 8 of 21-" Warm Fuzzies", last added: 5/24/2008
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By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 4/11/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, Animals, sketchbook, Springtime, Add a tag
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"Spring Dance" ©Kathleen Rietz.jpg)
"The Cat's Meow" ©Kathleen Rietz
8 Comments on Welcome Spring! #2, last added: 4/12/2008
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By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 4/10/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, kids, sketchbook, Springtime, Add a tag
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"Butterfly Dance" ©Kathleen Rietz
I am actually working on a series (in my mind), and this is the first painting. Busy busy busy week, so I am not sure if it will only be a series of one! ; ) Is there such a thing?
I did not feel like writing tonite, but I stole some sleep time to paint a little.
5 Comments on Welcome Spring!, last added: 4/10/2008
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By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 3/23/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, Illustration Friday, Animals, sketchbook, Easter, Sunshine, Springtime, Add a tag
© Kathleen Rietz
One of my biggest pet peeves is gossip. We all know what it feels like to be the target. Makes you not want to go to school.
© Kathleen Rietz (the elusive Easter Skunk)
Just after 10pm on Saturday night, my dog Sunshine had a run-in with - among all things - the Easter Skunk. I let her out into the yard to do her business, but she never even made her way off the patio before she was sprayed in the face by a skunk. For those of you who do not have skunks in your part of the world in which you live and have never smelled the aroma emitted by these creatures of darkness, I cannot even begin to describe the smell to you because nothing compares to it. But it is oily, deep, intense and nauseating. My friend Joan who lives in Hawaii found my story rather amusing because she "thought these things only happened in cartoons"....like Pe Pe Le Pew. Needless to say, I nearly cleared out the drug store as I waited in line to pay for my remedy.....NO ONE would stand next to me. I also did not make it to church today to celebrate Easter. Nor brunch at the country club where my sister works. No one wants to eat an omelet in a room that smells of skunk funk.
Anyhoo - if any of you are interested, here is how you get rid of skunk funk:
On your pet, shampoo the pet with a mixture of:
1 pint hydrogen peroxide
1/4 cup baking soda
1 tsp Dawn liquid dish soap
Leave on pet for 10 minutes, rinse.
In your house:
In a large pot, boil water, Clorox bleach and salt on your stove on high heat for several hours. I was so pleasantly surprised to find how well this one works! We boiled the pot all day and the smell is actually gone!
I hope you all had a much more relaxing and enjoyable Easter weekend than I did. I am looking forward to hitting a post-Easter candy sale to soothe my psyche with a chocolate marshmallow bunny if I can still find one!
42 Comments on Illustration Friday - "Pet Peeves" & an Easter I will never forget!, last added: 4/1/2008
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By: Kathleen Rietz,
on 3/21/2008
Blog: Kathleen Rietz (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Children's Book illustration, kids, just for fun, Drawing, Animals, People, sketchbook, Easter, Springtime, Add a tag
©Kathleen Rietz (today's image is for Leon)
Any of you who know me well know that Easter has a much deeper meaning to me than bunnies and coloring eggs. But I do enjoy the images of spring this time of year. Here in Chicago there is a winter storm warning today. I could use a little springtime festivities right now! Happy Easter everyone!
By the way, if you have some time this weekend, check out an interview with me An Interview with Kate! and see what else us Picture Bookies have been up to!
18 Comments on Hoppy Easter!, last added: 4/2/2008
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By: Garden Painter Art,
on 2/21/2008
Blog: Garden Painter Art (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Etsy, collage, Garden Painter Art, Kimberly Wlassak, Etsy, ACEO, springtime, collage mixed media, Kimberly Wlassak, collage mixed media, Garden Painter Art, ACEO, springtime, Add a tag
Good Morning:
Just a short entry today, as Thursday's are always my busiest days. It's been a simple and quiet day thus far, which is always a lovely way to start a day. I am rather fond of days that are hushed and ordinary. It gives me time to see and smell all the goodness that is so easily overlooked in the busy-ness that can sometimes take over.
If I breath in deep, I can almost smell the Springtime today. Even though it's a little chilly outside, and an ever-so-slight grayness has moved in, there is a hint of Spring lurking beneath. I will enjoy this simple morning as long as it lasts. As I know that within the oncoming hours, the daily rush will set in, and I will be off in a whirlwind of chores and commitments.
********************************************
I finished another collage ACEO last night and listed it in My Etsy Shop. It's another in my "Amelia" series and it may be my favorite of all...
Amelia Visits The Ghostly Orchards
I just love the ghostly Victorian women picking apples. I left them sepia toned except for the apples, to give them a sort of ethereal look.
********************************************
Thanks ever so much for taking the time to stop by and have a look at my blog. As always, I truly appreciate it.
Until Next Time:
Kim
Garden Painter Art
0 Comments on CHORES AND COMMITMENTS as of 1/1/1900
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By: Evil Editor,
on 1/29/2008
Blog: Evil Editor (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Guess the Plot
Dog Park
1. A scientist recreates an entire species from DNA gathered from the blood inside a frozen tick, and builds a theme park around the animals. When the animals turn on him, it's up to two children, a mathematician, and Miss Nevada to set things right. Also, a saber toothed weredingo.
2. When Sheila Abernathy built a "wilderness" dog park outside Cincinnati, she had no idea it would soon be swarming with Ohio's prostitutes, blackmailers, juvenile delinquents, and real estate speculators. Or did she? Ace homicide detective Zack Martinez has 3 gruesome murders to solve and 483 suspects . . . including Sheila.
3. There are already enough bars filled with high-maintenance bitches and horny wolves, so frat brothers Eric and Rob start a new chain of pick-up joints for fat, ugly people and call it "Dog Park." Over time they come to learn that fat, ugly people don't just exist to be exploited, and both men find love in the lunch-lady arms of double-bagger twins Velma and Thelma.
4. Dog Park; the overgrown tract of land where kids play in the rusted car wrecks, where you don't have to poop-scoop after your pet, and where ducks and humans can breed in privacy in the overgrown bushes. Now the council wants to clean it up. Can a bunch of mums and dogs, kids, junkies, fags and whores take down the fascist bastards?
5. In a moment of desperation secret agent Nick Armstrong tucks a flash drive in the jacket of a poodle in the elevator. Tiffy Jones strolls away with no idea the fate of Chicago is on her dog, Fluffkins. But Gus "Chicken-Face" Lombardi knows and he'll stop at nothing to get it. Can Nick do a Houdini from the thug-mobile and get to the dog park in time to save Tiffy and Fluffkins?
6. When terrorists release a plague inside the US, a Homeland Security intern and a hunky medical student may be the country's only hope of figuring out how the disease is being transmitted. When they stumble on the answer in a dog park, they are torn. Should they tell the president, knowing he will declare that to save human lives . . . all dogs must die?
Original Version
Dear Holder of My Future, Please Treat It Well:
Ivy Leaguer Samantha Carre is enjoying her summer internship with the Department of Homeland Security. That is, until something that looks like the plague on steroids starts killing people in New York, Virginia, and DC. The superbug is resilient and fast-spreading. The evidence points to a bioweapon being mechanically released -- but by whom, by what vector, and where will it strike next?
Teamed with brilliant and handsome biomedical student Max Stein, Samantha sets to work interviewing victims and their families, looking for any common thread among them. But with a frightened country bringing travel to a standstill, the healthcare system on the verge of collapse, and a viable vaccine still months away, time is growing desperately short.
When Samantha and Max stumble on the answer in a neighborhood dog park, they become terrorist targets. Chased, shot at, and possibly exposed to the plague, they must rely on brains, brawn, and each other to stay alive long enough to alert authorities to their discovery.
But eluding terrorists is only their first challenge. Harder still will be convincing the Director of Homeland Security and the President that containing the outbreak doesn't mean wholesale slaughter of the vector used to carry the plague: not strays and discards, but a nation of dogs people care about and love.
DOG PARK, a thriller with romantic elements, is complete at 80,000 words. I look forward to sending you the manuscript.
Sincerely,
Notes
I was informed by the author that this query was sent to help relieve the query shortage, and that there is no actual novel. Which means I don't have to do any work. Also, I have nothing else, as no other title in the queue has generated five fake plots.
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By: Evil Editor,
on 12/5/2007
Blog: Evil Editor (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Guess the Plot
Princess Krystal's Magical Romance Adventure
1. By day, he's Rufus Bergomen, checking passports and taking fingerprints at LAX. When the sun goes down, he's Princess Krystal, drag queen and girl-boy about town. Until now, he's kept these worlds very separate; but when a familiar face puts a visa waiver form on Rufus's desk, will the past be admitted or denied?
2. By night he is Princess Krystal, drag queen extraordinaire. By day he is Bob, whose life is humdrum and lonely -- until he finds himself embarked on a wacky road trip with a Shakespearean actor, an amateur magician, a pair of conjoined twins, and a hunky accountant. Romance ensues.
3. The Christmas present Alisha wants more than anything is a Princess Krystal doll. Her wish is granted. But when Krystal vanishes, along with Darren's new G.I. Joe, Alisha knows she just has to find them, and in doing so, she learns that when you peel back the layers, men and women are not so different underneath.
4. When he gets the invitation to Sally McDonald's coming out party, Steve Smith is thrilled. At last he has a place to wear his magical princess outfit! Little does he know, that's not the kind of coming out party everyone else in Springfield has in mind.
5. Randal Frink writes children's books, inspired by the Grimm tales of his youth. But his depressing, moralistic stories don't sell in the modern marketplace. In frustration, he writes a book with an innocuous title and cute opening chapters, only to drive home a story of corruption, drugs, atheism, sex, and suicide. When it becomes a bestseller, every parent, school, and religious group soon wants to give Mr. Frink a very unhappy ending.
6. A poodle named Princess Krystal treks across the tundra with a musk ox and an adorable lemming. Also, an Eskimo village; Mae Wong, superspy; two submarines; and an international misunderstanding that almost leads to atomic deconstruction of the entire Arctic region.
Original Version
Hi there! My name is Krystal Angel Jazzmine, but my friends call me Krystal Angel Jazzmine, unless of course they’re mad at me, and then they call me other things! LOL! LOL! HAHA! Well anyway, basically I was just wanting to know a tiny eensie-teensie bit about your book business but wait anyway I guess you’d like to know a bit about me 2 haha, so here gotes nuthin. My name is Krystal Angel Jazzmine, but my friends call me Krystal Angel Jazzmine, unless of course they’re mad at me, and then they call me other things!
HAHAHAHA, yeh I’m really funny, and my books are too. I swear everyone’d love them: even my mean aunt Penelope likes them, and she doesn’t like anything, or anybody. She lives in a big old house on the top of the hil and everyone says they hope she just stays there, but I don’t know, im thinking she might just need to for groceries sometimes but I reallie don’t care. BUT anyway, right now I’m in the middle of a romance about a beautiful princess who is on a boat of a ship thingee and she’s beautiful and named Krystal after my favorite person in the whole world, ME! Haha, I was gonna name her Mrs. Publishamerica because after me ive always wanted to be a rich author and I know u have always been my first choice since I hear about some Cooke girl in someplace in that state in the south??? I dunno, but anyway, so she’s on the boat and then she’s going back to her father’s palace which is a magic palace so that she always has what she wants and lots of money and when she cries cupcakes come out but that’s a different story anyway and for some reason she was on the blasted boatamaroo and sailing back, OK? Well, she’s on her way back but since the boat is magic too its going really fast on the water cause Glimdra the fairy princess had touched it with her magic wand and of course everyone knows what that means ;-) yeah, and they’re going so fast they can’t see where they’re going and then the get to the Black Misty Place which is a very very black and misty place in the ocean where they’re boat is. Anyway, so they’re goin along and suddenly there’s a bump and Princess Krystal is tossed over the side cause all the men on the boat decided they didn’t want no manners and princesses anymore and so they don’t like her even though she’s beautiful and they’re heartless like my ex-husband, so they don’t’ care anything about anybody and just throw her over the side like she’s just a sack of potatoes, and then they sail off in her boat without even giving her her luggage back. But they did give her two banananas which was very different from my ex-husband because he would just given me one if any cuz he was a heartless bum and I was glad to be rid of him and now all I got left is his five kids crawlin all around my house and eatin up my food and he aint paid no settlement in eight months so he’s probably just ded or maybe he’s out doin what he aint supposted to be doin but that aint matter cuz im gonna be rich one day and he’ll be so sorry and ill just go and tell him ‘Whatevah!’ which is what he told me when I told him that cuz of what he told me after I told him all that stuff the week before then he was gonna have to leave but I really didn’t care a button about what he wanted cuz im gonna be rich. Anyway, Princess Krystal has been dumped on the island and then she meets this dashing sea pirate/captian/admiral/man-of-her-dreams and its love at first sight for her and he says hees the only man on the island and he had been waiting like YEARS for her to come along and he was so glad that she had been thrown over board and he had lots of money and a palace just over the hill if she came with him, and then they started off and there’s lots of other stuff but you’ll have to tell me if you want to read it before I give out more, cause like miss Rawling I cant tell everyone my secrets because one day everyone will be at MY door and trying to steal MY notebooks to find out what Princessk Rystal does next, OK? Well, i gotta go but tell me what you think and what money im gonna get and ill tell you if I accepot cause hell, I’m ready to be famous and rich and have a lot of money and a big house and maybe two pink poodles and some soft pillows.
Last time I counted, it was 238,996 words because i decided to split it into eight books and thats where the first one landed, somewhere in the middle of chapter 218. It'll be called PRINCESS KRYSTAL'S MAGICAL ROMANCE ADVENTURE and probly sell a billion.
SIGNED WITH A BIG COW KISS
Krystal Angel Jazzmine
P.S. Me + U = RICH!
Notes
Apologies to actual GTP guessers for not bothering to try to compose the real plot, but I got tired of looking for it.
The author claims to have sent this to a vanity publisher that was hounding him/her.
There are now zero query letters waiting for critique. Zero! And as there's unlikely to be a major influx with the holidays approaching (though even a tiny influx would be nice) we'll fill space with writing exercises, thematic Guess the Plots (feel free to suggest a theme), the Evil Editor Awards . . .
There are plenty of openings awaiting continuations.
Princess Krystal's Magical Romance Adventure
1. By day, he's Rufus Bergomen, checking passports and taking fingerprints at LAX. When the sun goes down, he's Princess Krystal, drag queen and girl-boy about town. Until now, he's kept these worlds very separate; but when a familiar face puts a visa waiver form on Rufus's desk, will the past be admitted or denied?
2. By night he is Princess Krystal, drag queen extraordinaire. By day he is Bob, whose life is humdrum and lonely -- until he finds himself embarked on a wacky road trip with a Shakespearean actor, an amateur magician, a pair of conjoined twins, and a hunky accountant. Romance ensues.
3. The Christmas present Alisha wants more than anything is a Princess Krystal doll. Her wish is granted. But when Krystal vanishes, along with Darren's new G.I. Joe, Alisha knows she just has to find them, and in doing so, she learns that when you peel back the layers, men and women are not so different underneath.
4. When he gets the invitation to Sally McDonald's coming out party, Steve Smith is thrilled. At last he has a place to wear his magical princess outfit! Little does he know, that's not the kind of coming out party everyone else in Springfield has in mind.
5. Randal Frink writes children's books, inspired by the Grimm tales of his youth. But his depressing, moralistic stories don't sell in the modern marketplace. In frustration, he writes a book with an innocuous title and cute opening chapters, only to drive home a story of corruption, drugs, atheism, sex, and suicide. When it becomes a bestseller, every parent, school, and religious group soon wants to give Mr. Frink a very unhappy ending.
6. A poodle named Princess Krystal treks across the tundra with a musk ox and an adorable lemming. Also, an Eskimo village; Mae Wong, superspy; two submarines; and an international misunderstanding that almost leads to atomic deconstruction of the entire Arctic region.
Original Version
Hi there! My name is Krystal Angel Jazzmine, but my friends call me Krystal Angel Jazzmine, unless of course they’re mad at me, and then they call me other things! LOL! LOL! HAHA! Well anyway, basically I was just wanting to know a tiny eensie-teensie bit about your book business but wait anyway I guess you’d like to know a bit about me 2 haha, so here gotes nuthin. My name is Krystal Angel Jazzmine, but my friends call me Krystal Angel Jazzmine, unless of course they’re mad at me, and then they call me other things!
HAHAHAHA, yeh I’m really funny, and my books are too. I swear everyone’d love them: even my mean aunt Penelope likes them, and she doesn’t like anything, or anybody. She lives in a big old house on the top of the hil and everyone says they hope she just stays there, but I don’t know, im thinking she might just need to for groceries sometimes but I reallie don’t care. BUT anyway, right now I’m in the middle of a romance about a beautiful princess who is on a boat of a ship thingee and she’s beautiful and named Krystal after my favorite person in the whole world, ME! Haha, I was gonna name her Mrs. Publishamerica because after me ive always wanted to be a rich author and I know u have always been my first choice since I hear about some Cooke girl in someplace in that state in the south??? I dunno, but anyway, so she’s on the boat and then she’s going back to her father’s palace which is a magic palace so that she always has what she wants and lots of money and when she cries cupcakes come out but that’s a different story anyway and for some reason she was on the blasted boatamaroo and sailing back, OK? Well, she’s on her way back but since the boat is magic too its going really fast on the water cause Glimdra the fairy princess had touched it with her magic wand and of course everyone knows what that means ;-) yeah, and they’re going so fast they can’t see where they’re going and then the get to the Black Misty Place which is a very very black and misty place in the ocean where they’re boat is. Anyway, so they’re goin along and suddenly there’s a bump and Princess Krystal is tossed over the side cause all the men on the boat decided they didn’t want no manners and princesses anymore and so they don’t like her even though she’s beautiful and they’re heartless like my ex-husband, so they don’t’ care anything about anybody and just throw her over the side like she’s just a sack of potatoes, and then they sail off in her boat without even giving her her luggage back. But they did give her two banananas which was very different from my ex-husband because he would just given me one if any cuz he was a heartless bum and I was glad to be rid of him and now all I got left is his five kids crawlin all around my house and eatin up my food and he aint paid no settlement in eight months so he’s probably just ded or maybe he’s out doin what he aint supposted to be doin but that aint matter cuz im gonna be rich one day and he’ll be so sorry and ill just go and tell him ‘Whatevah!’ which is what he told me when I told him that cuz of what he told me after I told him all that stuff the week before then he was gonna have to leave but I really didn’t care a button about what he wanted cuz im gonna be rich. Anyway, Princess Krystal has been dumped on the island and then she meets this dashing sea pirate/captian/admiral/man-of-her-dreams and its love at first sight for her and he says hees the only man on the island and he had been waiting like YEARS for her to come along and he was so glad that she had been thrown over board and he had lots of money and a palace just over the hill if she came with him, and then they started off and there’s lots of other stuff but you’ll have to tell me if you want to read it before I give out more, cause like miss Rawling I cant tell everyone my secrets because one day everyone will be at MY door and trying to steal MY notebooks to find out what Princessk Rystal does next, OK? Well, i gotta go but tell me what you think and what money im gonna get and ill tell you if I accepot cause hell, I’m ready to be famous and rich and have a lot of money and a big house and maybe two pink poodles and some soft pillows.
Last time I counted, it was 238,996 words because i decided to split it into eight books and thats where the first one landed, somewhere in the middle of chapter 218. It'll be called PRINCESS KRYSTAL'S MAGICAL ROMANCE ADVENTURE and probly sell a billion.
SIGNED WITH A BIG COW KISS
Krystal Angel Jazzmine
P.S. Me + U = RICH!
Notes
Apologies to actual GTP guessers for not bothering to try to compose the real plot, but I got tired of looking for it.
The author claims to have sent this to a vanity publisher that was hounding him/her.
There are now zero query letters waiting for critique. Zero! And as there's unlikely to be a major influx with the holidays approaching (though even a tiny influx would be nice) we'll fill space with writing exercises, thematic Guess the Plots (feel free to suggest a theme), the Evil Editor Awards . . .
There are plenty of openings awaiting continuations.
7 Comments on Face-Lift 503, last added: 12/5/2007
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By: Evil Editor,
on 11/7/2007
Blog: Evil Editor (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Hoax, Add a tag
Guess the Plot
Werewolf Snotlards
1. Who cares what the plot is? You know you'd buy anything called "Werewolf Snotlards."
2. Tempted by the chance to win a mug from Evil Editor, a Minion dashes off a query in five minutes flat -- a query for a novel that does not exist. But will the Minion still be eligible for the prize once EE realizes that the query is clearly fake?
3. When the morbidly-obese Werewolf Snotlard discovers that he has a twin, can the two cheery Snotlards eat their way out of Beijing? Or will they be buried beneath a load of snot? Also, a pickle.
4. Pub wench Lottie O'Leary buys ten snotlards from a tiny Frenchman who says if she plants them 'round the house, they'll keep werewolves away. But he lied. By Tuesday midnight ten hungry werewolves are howling at her door. Also, a corduroy hammock.
5. Chef Ted Grossout knows how to get more vegetables into your children, and it's as easy serving up a heaping helping of Werewolf Snotlards. Hundreds of new and exciting recipes, from Zombie Earwax to Weredingo Turds, will have your little ones asking for more.
6. When Stinky and Dwight investigate the commotion behind the dumpster, they discover the mayor of Springfield is actually a rodent-eating werewolf with serious wardrobe issues. Should they scram fast or use Stinky's cell phone to zap her picture to the Springfield Times?
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
I wrote a query just to get that mug.
When the morbidly-obese boy that some people call Werewolf Snotlard discovers that he has a twin, can the two cheery Snotlards eat their way out of Beijing? Or will the evil, mysterious (and purportedly Irish) Lord Snotlaird bury them beneath a load of… well, snot?
“Werewolf Snotlards” is my debut novel, about when the morbidly-obese boy that some people call Werewolf Snotlard discovers that he has a twin. Immediately upon sitting on his snotty twin, Werewolf Snotlard receives a magical gift and is rushed off to a secret henhouse in Beijing. But Lord Snotlaird has some plans of his own, which include a pickle, a long rope, and at least one bag of ice. But Werewolf Snotlard has his OWN plans. What will he do to Lord Snotlaird? And why is he carrying that hatchet?
At 650,000 words, “Werewolf Snotlards” is a powerful fantasy epic that teaches kids about the power of love, and also about the power of a sharp hatchet. Kids ages 16-and-1/2 to 16-and-6/8 will love this book, and if anyone reads it, it will sell a million copies within the first hour of release.
If you would be interested in reading more, I can send you the first 10 words. Everything else is confidential.
Sincerely,
Werewolf Snotlards
1. Who cares what the plot is? You know you'd buy anything called "Werewolf Snotlards."
2. Tempted by the chance to win a mug from Evil Editor, a Minion dashes off a query in five minutes flat -- a query for a novel that does not exist. But will the Minion still be eligible for the prize once EE realizes that the query is clearly fake?
3. When the morbidly-obese Werewolf Snotlard discovers that he has a twin, can the two cheery Snotlards eat their way out of Beijing? Or will they be buried beneath a load of snot? Also, a pickle.
4. Pub wench Lottie O'Leary buys ten snotlards from a tiny Frenchman who says if she plants them 'round the house, they'll keep werewolves away. But he lied. By Tuesday midnight ten hungry werewolves are howling at her door. Also, a corduroy hammock.
5. Chef Ted Grossout knows how to get more vegetables into your children, and it's as easy serving up a heaping helping of Werewolf Snotlards. Hundreds of new and exciting recipes, from Zombie Earwax to Weredingo Turds, will have your little ones asking for more.
6. When Stinky and Dwight investigate the commotion behind the dumpster, they discover the mayor of Springfield is actually a rodent-eating werewolf with serious wardrobe issues. Should they scram fast or use Stinky's cell phone to zap her picture to the Springfield Times?
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
I wrote a query just to get that mug.
When the morbidly-obese boy that some people call Werewolf Snotlard discovers that he has a twin, can the two cheery Snotlards eat their way out of Beijing? Or will the evil, mysterious (and purportedly Irish) Lord Snotlaird bury them beneath a load of… well, snot?
“Werewolf Snotlards” is my debut novel, about when the morbidly-obese boy that some people call Werewolf Snotlard discovers that he has a twin. Immediately upon sitting on his snotty twin, Werewolf Snotlard receives a magical gift and is rushed off to a secret henhouse in Beijing. But Lord Snotlaird has some plans of his own, which include a pickle, a long rope, and at least one bag of ice. But Werewolf Snotlard has his OWN plans. What will he do to Lord Snotlaird? And why is he carrying that hatchet?
At 650,000 words, “Werewolf Snotlards” is a powerful fantasy epic that teaches kids about the power of love, and also about the power of a sharp hatchet. Kids ages 16-and-1/2 to 16-and-6/8 will love this book, and if anyone reads it, it will sell a million copies within the first hour of release.
If you would be interested in reading more, I can send you the first 10 words. Everything else is confidential.
Sincerely,
15 Comments on Face-Lift 489, last added: 11/9/2007
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By: Evil Editor,
on 6/21/2007
Blog: Evil Editor (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Hoax, Add a tag
Guess the Plot
Cruise Control
1. After watching their leading man ruin Oprah's sofa, ridicule depressed people, and give his wife a pacifier during labor, movie executives decide it's time to take action.
2. Nicole has had it with her ex-husband, so she has a voodoo doll made. Now, when he appears live on TV, the world will know what she put up with.
3. The story of a Hollywood publicist, Damaj Controlle, whose desperate attempts to rein in an egomaniacal client result in Damaj's firing. The client's outrageous behavior includes jumping on couches, impregnating a brainwashed youth, and frequently using the word "glib."
4. Tom is being blackmailed into leading a religious cult, and decides the only way to end the extortion is to smear his own reputation and become hated by all. But will televised conniptions and tirades against squirt gun microphone pranksters be enough?
5. Being a Hollywood "star wrangler" is Evie's job, one she excels at. But what can even she do with a certifiably insane Scientologist?
6. Katie'd had enough. No more sofa dancing. No more weird sci-fi mumbo jumbo religion. No more hunching over in public just to appease his enormous little-man ego. She wanted her life back. So she fitted Tom with a subcutaneous behavior-modifying microchip. Now if she could only remember where she left the remote.
7. The seas are afloat with blue-haired old ladies and wannabe professional gamblers. Captain Stubing and Gopher are not at all pleased with the current demographics, believing the new crop of cruise goers are destroying the romance of moonlight strolls and heart-throbbing love trysts. So Stubing and Gopher form a committee to ban sunglasses, baseball caps and Fixodent aboard their cruise line.
8. It doesn't take long for Sadara Obi to decide what to do when he finds a time portal in the basement of his bullying friend, Fang Woo. He travels to 1945 and changes the course of history by installing cruise control on the dashboard of the Enola Gay. Welcome Back, Hiroshima, and Goodbye Shanghai!
9. When dastardly mechanic Cheesy Adams wires his remote controller into the navigational circuitry of a cruise ship, hilarity ensues. But what will happen when a boatload of angry geezers and crones arrives in Haiti?
10. Even though prostitution is legal in the desert town of Tatterville, Police Chief Roy Beauregard is sickened by the hookers strolling Venter Avenue, because that’s where the Dairy Queen is, and Roy’s daughter Lila loves Butterfinger Blizzards. Roy begs Mayor Ernie to erect “No Cruising” signs, but when Mayor Ernie refuses, Roy concocts his own plan and has all the sidewalks replaced with metal grates, the archenemy of stiletto heels!
Original Version
Dear EE,
Tom has it all; money, fame, power. He used to be a person people cheered and revered, until that fateful night. That night he found himself in the company of a peculiar science fiction writer by the name of L. Ron Hubbard, or as Tom had previously known him, Dr. L.
Dr. L knew all about Tom's crime, the crime he had worked so hard to cover up, the crime he could not let anyone ever find out about. But Dr. L's presence proved his cover-up had failed, and now he was thrown at the mercy of a deranged lunatic. Blackmailed by Dr. L into leading a religious cult, Tom's fame becomes his Achilles heal. Hew devises a plan to end his extortion. If he can smear his reputation and become hated by all, he may be set free of his cult duty. Through explosions of feeling on Oprah, tirades against squirt-gun microphone pranksters, and two divorces and marriages, Tom sets out to ruin his name, but will it be enough??????
Cruise Control is a 171-word thriller. Thanks you for your consideration and I hope to hear from you soon.
Notes
I gotta start reading these things when they come in, instead of waiting till the minions have put hours of thought into composing their GTPs, at which point I don't have the heart to ditch the query.
17 Comments on Face-Lift 402, last added: 6/23/2007
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Terrific post, Dorothy. I like to think that I write about BIG ideas decorated with facts. The facts or "factoids" are details born of incredible intense observation and experimentation. In science, it is the cumulative observation of myriad details that lead to the great generalizations of science also known as "inductive reasoning" going from the specific to the general. In writing it is all about "show, don't tell."
So it is, Vicki. I read a wise phrase in a blog this week that says 'show don't tell' in different words, maybe not always applicable to science--"Write to express, not to impress." But it can certainly apply for writing such as my books, if I'm talking about traipsing through the rain forest or some such activity.
How nice of you, Dorothy, to quote from The Big Burn. I have an older copy of the book, and found it to be a fascinating story with an engaging style. It was my bedside book for a week. It didn't hurt that I wanted to be fire ranger when I was a kid. And I connected to your post because I'm
a former horticulturist. Every post is a gem.
MJ Wentz (lurker and fan)
Wonderful post, Dorothy - and you practiced what you preached! Love the arnica photos.
I loved hearing from you, Fortunate One; I feel fortunate to be in a critique group with Jeanette. She always has great comments on the work of others, and it's always a pleasure to help her hone her work as well. I'm going to copy your comment to her; she will surely appreciate it!
And Gretchen--I can't resist with the camera; it goes everywhere with me! Thanks for the comment.