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My next few posts will be about when to break the writing commandments.
Commandment 1: Thou shalt never tell.
How often have we heard "Show Don't Tell"? Well believe it or not, there are times when it's better to tell.
In an attempt to avoid telling, many writers resort to physical cliches.
Tears sprung to her eyes as she thought about saying goodbye to Mark. At least they still had this one last moment together. Her heart pounded as he moved closer, and when he held her hand, a sizzle of electricity shot up her arm. He tilted his head to the side. When he looked at her like that, she felt the flush of heat her cheeks.
This is showing, not telling. But it's so laden with physical cliches it's painful to read. The trick is to use inner dialogue to convey these feelings and not tell us what is happening to her physically, but tell us WHY. (Without sounding telly. Not so easy, but it can be done.)
In the words of children's book editor Cheryl Klein: "Sometimes readers need the plain straightforward direction of telling to elucidate the point of all that showing."
Klein states, a great technique employed by J. K. Rowling is to have a sentence at the beginning of a paragraph that is a little more telly followed by a few awesome sentences of showing.
These topic sentences point the reader's mind in the right direction, easing the transition from action to interiority, aiding in a place or time shift, or subtly suggesting a shift in the character's mood or focus.
When used at the end of the paragraph or section of showing, this good telling can act as a confirmation to the reader that the main character is indeed feeling or thinking what we think he/she is.
Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. (telling) He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn't fall back on their favorite hobby of hitting him. ... (followed by a few more clever and poignant sentences of showing.) -The Sorcerer's Stone, chapter 2
Can you think of other times when it's appropriate to use telling?
7 Comments on The 10 Commandments of Writing and When to Break Them, last added: 3/1/2012
Sometimes you need to quickly bridge a time gap when nothing especially critical happens, and showing would just slow down the narrative with little or no payoff. That's a situation where a brief bit of telling can move the story forward to where it needs to be.
I changed my mind. I love the header, but that background is a little bland. I like the idea of a solid color, but maybe a more exciting one? I think either of the blues or the green that we see in the header would look good. I love that teal color behind the boy reading.
This film is being played around the country. Some places charge to attend, but you can see this for free on Wednesday, April 13, at 7 p.m. in the Community Room of Princeton Public Library.
Thanks Kathy, I’m going to put it on my calendar. Looks like a don’t miss!
elenacaravela said, on 2/9/2011 7:37:00 AM
Thank you AGAIN, for bringing attention to really great information!
Mary Z said, on 2/9/2011 7:43:00 AM
I’d love to see this, but not sure I want to fight the Princeton rush hour traffic to get there. I see it’s also playing at the Eric Carle Museum. I’ve always wanted to visit there, so it may be time for a road trip.
Nanci said, on 2/9/2011 8:46:00 AM
I know this is a little off topic, but I lived in the DC metro area for 23 years where rush hour is a misnomer supreme. First, it’s all day, not one, two or even three hours. Second, there’s no rushing involved. It’s more like sitting. And sitting. And sitting some more. But your comment reminded me of a t-shirt I have. It shows a moose, a bear and a bison crossing a highway and it reads, “Rush Hour in Teton National Park.”
K.M. Weiland said, on 2/9/2011 12:32:00 PM
Looks interesting. The cover art is absolutely magnificent. I don’t write for children, but the psychology behind the brain shift that’s required for an adult to return to childhood, so to speak, in writing for them is deliciously fascinating.
Carol Baldwin said, on 2/10/2011 6:32:00 AM
thanks, Kathy. I think Joyce and I will have to show this trailer when we teach. Wish it was coming to Charlotte!
kathytemean said, on 2/12/2011 9:47:00 AM
Carol,
I’m going to try and go. It is an hour away, but I have it on my calendar. I’ll write something up on my blog afterwards.
I've written about showing and telling before, but it’s such an important topic that I think more information is always helpful.
Writing is an ongoing adventure…always something to learn and tweak and hone. I recently wrote a children’s story and found I still had a bit of showing in it, thanks to the critique by the Children’s Writers Coaching Club with Suzanne Lieurance (more about the club below).
I was toying with the idea of submitting my story as a picture book, but was advised it would work out better as a children’s magazine article, unless I wanted to rewrite it specifically for a pb. Anyway, I noticed that when I write, and I think this goes for most of us, my thoughts precede my reading ability – so I don’t catch my own errors. This happens because I know what I wrote and what I intend to convey. This makes it almost impossible for a writer to edit her (or his) own work. You can get close, but as the saying goes, Almost Doesn’t Cut It.
What do I mean? Well, let’s look at a simple sentence:
In a daze, Pete stumbled to his feet.
While this isn’t the exact sentence in my story, it is similar. I revised my article and reread it numerous times and didn’t notice that “in a daze” is telling, not showing. And, what’s the KEY to writing in today’s fast paced, no time to waste world? FOCUS AND TIGHT WRITING.
In fact, the fast paced reader of today is getting even more impatient and ready to move on in the blink of an eye. So, we need to take this into account in our writing and marketing.
Okay, back to the focus of the article…
So, how do we change the above sentence into a showing only sentence?
Dazed, Pete stumbled to his feet.
Really simple when you are able to actually read what is written rather than already know what you intended.
3. Do not submit your work to a publisher or agent before you’ve had it professionally edited.
Now for a bit about the Children's Writers Coaching Club:
I'm a member of Suzanne Lieurance’s Children's Writers Coaching Club and I have to say it is a great club. It delves into writing children’s books as well as writing for children’s magazines: the techniques, tips, the dos and don’ts, it’s all explained. Members are given monthly assignments geared to get your work published. There is also a weekly critique session in which you submit a manuscript or article and Suzanne personally critiques it for you. In addition to this there are weekly teleclasses that teach you the ins and outs of writing for children, freelancing, and marketing. All this along with Suzanne’s knack for motivating and encouraging her members helps you learn and hone your craft. My writing has improved greatly with Suzanne’s guidance and I continue to improve and benefit from this club. I don’t think there is another club that offers so much for such a miniscule price of $27.00 per month.
And, if you're interested in having an extra set of eyes look over your manuscript before submitting it, DKV Writing 4 U offers a wide range of writing services - check it out at http://dkvwriting4u.com/.
Great post, Karen. I know what you mean about being too close to your work to edit it yourself. There are certain things you will catch - but, as you said, you know what is going on in the story now and what will happen later in the story, so it is possible to miss things like inconsistencies and holes in your storyline. Critique groups are definitely beneficial in helping you see things you may be missing and giving you feedback from the reader's point of view.
Yes, I know, everyone's heard this a hundred times at least: you must show, not tell. Well, for those who are new to the writing world, what exactly does telling and showing mean?
Okay, let's take an example of telling:
April walked around in a daze. She felt awful. Her husband left her with two little ones. She cried and cried. She felt overwhelmed, but kept doing the things she had to do. It seemed as if her soul ached. She begged for God's help. She felt like screaming.
Example of showing:
He wasn't supposed to leave; we promised to stay married forever. April pulled the sheets from her bed and threw them to the floor. Doing the chores and taking care of the kids helped her hold on. She felt as if she was outside of herself...she had to hold on. How could he leave? Tears trickled down her cheeks. She bent forward with her head in her hands and begged God for help. Please, God, bring him home...please...please help me. Sobbing softly in her hands, her body began to tremble; then the tears gushed forth. An indescribable ache took hold - in the very depths of her soul - an ache in a place never felt before. A tortured scream crept up into her throat, ready to burst out. She fell to her knees and buried her face in the mattress; grabbing a pillow, she pulled it over her head. A blood-curdling scream issued forth.
So, that's the difference. I made the telling example very basic so you could easily see how they differ. Showing lets the reader feel the protagonist's pain, or joy, or excitement. It creates a connection and prompts the reader to continue reading. Sometimes it helps to draw from experiences to get the feeling and words you're going for. You can also use tv or movies; watch and study scenes that depict the experience you need to convey. Then, write what you've seen.
If you need help with your writing or are in the final stages and need to have it edited, stop by DKV Writing 4 U.
Until next time, Karen
0 Comments on The Deal with Showing Rather than Telling as of 1/1/1900
Sometimes you need to quickly bridge a time gap when nothing especially critical happens, and showing would just slow down the narrative with little or no payoff. That's a situation where a brief bit of telling can move the story forward to where it needs to be.
Another good example, Scott. Thanks!!
In one of my first books I spent pages beautifully showing the MC's boredom. It got the emotion across ;)
I can't leave writing feedback, but I love the post, Harry Potter, and the new header/background!
I changed my mind. I love the header, but that background is a little bland. I like the idea of a solid color, but maybe a more exciting one? I think either of the blues or the green that we see in the header would look good. I love that teal color behind the boy reading.
Sheesh! Thanks Michelle. I'll experiment. :)
I LOVE the blue background!! Nailed it :)