Antsyness
Many of my friends and students, and including myself, are finding ourselves in a transition period. You’ve cleaned and cleared out a ton of old beliefs, and other past garbage/roles that didn’t suit you, so naturally, you will feel like a different you. A different you usually translates, on the smaller scale, into a growing dislike for your current clothes, the pattern on your couch or even your haircolor. On a larger scale, you might be looking at who you hang out with, the career you chose, or the place you live. There’s an antsyness afoot!
Following antsyness can be a panic/now what? phase. This is a time of screaming at God and your Guides and the feeling you are standing over a cliff with no parachute. Not a fun place to be. But, it can also be an exciting time of exploration.
We all want to get there fast
I think we are being asked to explore what we want instead by making baby steps forward into our new world.
We’re not being asked to rush forward blindly.
Sarah, my 15+ beagle girl, is a great teacher. At this point, she’s very blind and has some balance issues but tends to zip around the house very fast bumping into walls, furniture and other things. It’s tough to listen to and it has to hurts. “Slow it down,” I tell her. “Go slow around the corners. Feel the furniture around you. There’s no need to rush. You’ll get there.”
Recognize True Guidance
I was looking through all my notebooks the other day. I have tons and tons of diaries/notebooks I keep for future writing. Diaries are great for keeping track of good ideas and guidance you receive when asking for help. The best guidance, meaning the truest and most helpful to me, was not when I sat down in meditation, but the isolated ideas or thoughts that came through in the course of the day. I’d be standing over the sink doing the dreaded dishwashing and I’d hear some great insight on my current dilemma as I reached for more soap. It’s easy to trust it’s not your own thoughts bombarding you when your mind is focused on something as banal as dishwashing.
I’d also have some whispers from my heart that when were reoccurring were very accurate. My first thought to go back to school came as a whisper. It grew until it was a gnawing push. Then it felt like such a strong drive that if I didn’t sign up for this program I’m in, I’d feel a deep sadness and regret.
Don’t Go Backwards
Going backwards to the old roles or where it didn’t fit at this point in the transition can be super-tempting, even if it was very uncomfortable. The past at least has dirt underneath your feet you can trust and know vs. a path you aren’t sure will be there. If you head that way you are going to feel it, usually physically (headaches, stomachaches, etc.) If you do press forward on the old path, you will also feel a deeper sense of antsiness. You feel ”the crankiness.” There’s a complete lack of patience or tolerance for what you dealt with before when you handled it with a smoldering, inner repression. Now you can’t do that one thing you really didn’t want to do. Your inner wise self will sabotage circumstances so you can’t. You may even get in trouble telling people what you really think as it just comes tumbling out with thought. Just recognize this stage when you are in it, to avoid further new damage.
And always go back to what I told Sarah, “Go slow around the corners. Feel the furniture around you. There’s no need to rush. You’ll get there.”
