STATUS: TGIF! And all the 1099-misc forms are done.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? Otra Día Más Sin Verte by Jon Secada
This is so bad but I found myself just laughing and laughing.
Enjoy!
Why Men do not Write Advice Columns
Dear Mike,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband Allan in the house watching the Raiders game as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get Allan’s help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter. I am 45, my husband is 68, and the neighbor's daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He retired 14 years ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Sheila
-----------------
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps,
Mike
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Blog: Pub Rants (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: funnies, RWA, electronic books, SFWA, publishing, romance, self publishing, Add a tag
STATUS: I’m done for the night.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? LANDSLIDE by Dixie Chicks
Considering all the chatter over the last two days, today has been relatively quiet. SFWA (Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America) did issue a statement. You can find that here.
Also, the Ashley Grayson agency blogged with their response.
On a wholly different note, I have a Friday funny—sort of. Do you remember my blogging about an Eddie Murphy movie being shot on our street about two summers ago? For two days in a row they had the extras and the movie crew filming. Sara and I remember it vividly as a car alarm kept going off incessantly. With our windows open on a nice summer day, it was all we could hear for two days running.
Can’t imagine why if you don’t remember. That was a year and a half or two years ago. I only remembered a couple of weeks ago when my husband said he caught the film while on an airplane trip.
The movie is called IMAGINE THAT and no, neither Chutney or I are in the film. In fact, I can’t imagine what they were doing on our street for all that time because in the film itself, there is a brief flash of the front façade of our office in the SH Supply Company building in the scene where Eddie Murphy is fumbling in his briefcase for something while driving. About 10 seconds later, the car drives down the alley behind the building.
Exciting stuff I’m telling you. Grin.
There is one big scene where Mr. Murphy dances on a concrete wall and there is a beautiful lit up staircase behind him. This leads to the bridge that goes over the railroad tracks and into lower downtown. Very noticeable by the bridge support which looks like a ship’s mast. (You can actually see that scene in the movie trailer.)
Well, that takes place right in front of the Platte River Park where Chutney and I often go walking on nice days.
Anyway, highly amusing to watch a movie set in Denver and in Lodo where our office is located.
I’m out. Have a great weekend.
Blog: Terry Pierce (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Funnies, Vermont College MFA, Add a tag
Only a meager three months into the Vermont College MFA Writing Program and I've already discovered there are signs that indicate such enrollment. I'm up to ten so far, and I'd love to hear any others from my fellow classmates. So, here are the signs that let you know you're really doing the VC MFA program:
1. You know your public library card number by heart.
2. Your public librarians all know you on a first name basis.
3. Dust bunnies have overtaken your house. And you're okay with it.
4. Your living spaces are consumed with piles of books, notepads, writing implements and computers.
5. You develop a taste for convenience foods.
6. You need new glasses. But won't take the time to see your eye doctor.
7. You have to ice down your writing hand nightly.
8. Your friends stop calling.
9. Your spouse actually knows what a "packet" is.
10. So does your cat.
(but you're still smiling!)
Okay, any of your Vermont College students out there, let me hear what your signs are!
STATUS: The day has just begun but I’m hoping to really finish my entire To Do list before I leave tonight.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? I WANT YOU by Marvin Gaye
This is such a classic from the New Yorker on the marketing plan. It begins with an introduction from the unpaid intern who has replaced the promotion department at XYZ books.
Need I go on from here? Oh but I must! My favorite line is this one (coffee alert!):
“Once we get back from Frankfurt, we’d like to see you on morning talk shows like the “Today” show and “The View,” so please get yourself booked on them and keep us “in the loop.” If I’m not here—which I won’t be, since after the book fair I go on vacation for two weeks—just tell Jenni, my assistant, when she gets back from jury duty.”
Grin. All in good fun, certainly, but every day I’m happy for having our marketing director.
Enjoy and have a great weekend.
STATUS: My office is three blocks from Coors Field. Really, what did you expect?
What’s playing on the iPod right now? TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME by Harry Carry (Not really but I couldn't resist.)
Here I am. Hard at work on a late Monday afternoon. Not that it did a lick of good. Curse those Phillies! Grin.
STATUS: I let the mail pile up all week so I’m finally going through all stuff that didn’t need immediate attention.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? CAUGHT UP IN THE RAPTURE by Anita Baker
I was on my laptop last night and found this picture that Simone Elkeles sent me. I just laughed and laughed. Only in New York!
She snapped this shot from the back of a cab where she was riding to the marketing meeting we were having with the Walker team for PERFECT CHEMISTRY.
I definitely think pink is his color. TGIF! I’m out.
Blog: Terry Pierce (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Funnies, Vermont College MFA, Add a tag
You almost left the house without wearing any pants. Yep. Last week was just that crazy-busy for me.
I'd turned in my second packet, received the feedback, and was working hard to get a revision done that was due today (as Kathi Appelt says, I was "writing like my fingers were on fire"). My head was filled with research ideas, dancing animals, an Italian educator, cats and a T-ball game (yes, it was crowded in there).
Amidst all this, I wanted to see my chiropractor. So, when his office called and said they could see me right away, I ran upstairs to change clothes. I got distracted with something while changing (can't recall what it was). Minutes later, I got to the top of the stairs and thought, "What am I forgetting?" I looked down and realized I wasn't wearing any pants. OOPS!!! Yeah. Working on my MFA keeps is keeping me just that busy...
Blog: Terry Pierce (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Mary Cronin, a fellow student (and fabulous writer) at VC, shared this video link with a group of us. It's just one of those "feel good" kinds of things that everyone should watch.
Enjoy!
STATUS: Blogging before noon! It’s happy hour someplace, right? Grin.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? DID YE GET HEALED by Van Morrison
It’s no secret that I love reading on my Kindle but I still laughed at Green Apple Books Smackdown on Youtube—Book vs Kindle.
They’ve gone 8 rounds if you want to view them all.
But here’s the latest for Storytime. Enjoy!
Blog: Terry Pierce (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Funnies, Vermont College MFA, Add a tag
This story really is writing-related. I promise.
Years ago, on my first ever backpacking trip, my husband and I did a summer hike in Kings Canyon National Park, in the Sierras. We were green as the meadows (experience-wise). Not one lick of overnight backpacking experience. But off we went, ready for adventure. Well, our first night out, all of our food was stolen by a very dexterous raccoon (he managed to untie the straps on our backpacks). The real miracle was that a bear didn't get to it first, as we didn't even hang our food (I said we were green) and we were in the heart of black bear country.
So there we were, the big adventurers, with no food. My husband gave out a big sigh and said, "Well, we'll just have to catch some grasshoppers." I was taken back. "I am NOT going to eat grasshoppers!" I declared. I had my limits. After he stopped laughing, he explained that he needed grasshoppers as bait to catch trout. Oh. Heh, heh. Yeah, bait. Good idea. (can you see why I married this man?)
STATUS: I hit the office early today. First up, a UK contract that needs to be reviewed
What’s playing on the iPod right now? ON THE TURNING AWAY by Pink Floyd
Just a heads up that I’m on vacation all of next week and therefore won’t be blogging. If I were smart, I’d do as agent Nathan does and have guest bloggers but I have to admit that I’m not organized enough this week to make that happen. So you’ll just have to live without for a week.
And to kick off the weekend, an excellent funny to share. It’s so juvenile but I laughed and laughed. Couldn’t resist sharing. I don’t know who thinks up these skits but this one is classic.
Enjoy!
Blog: Pub Rants (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: agents, agenting, funnies, Add a tag
STATUS: I think I need another weekend to recover from my weekend. Grin.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? ROUTE 66 by Natalie Cole
Really? Could I blog about anything else today? Enjoy!
So you can track us, I’m wearing a white visor and Simone has on a blue bandanna.
Watch the chick in front of Simone. She ends up falling into the boat. Better than the alternative I have to say.
Lesson of the day: tuck you feet securely while in the raft.
Also, we are going through two sets of the rapids. In the second set, look at the rock to the right of the picture.
My personal favorite is the shot where pretty much everyone in the boat disappears in the spray.
STATUS: Tomorrow is a holiday so I won’t be blogging. Have a great 4th!
What’s playing on the iPod right now? HOUNDS OF LOVE by Kate Bush
Oops. Perhaps I should have clarified yesterday’s statistics because requesting 15 sample pages from 52 queries sounds pretty great.
That is until you hear the explanation. Be forewarned, the real statistics are daunting.
So yesterday I read 52 queries. That is true. However, these 52 queries were set aside for me to read out of three weeks’ worth of queries.
On average, the agency gets 100 to 150 email queries a day. So in the last 21 days, we received 2,625 queries (using an average of 125 queries a day). Out of those 2,625 queries, Julie and Sara set aside 52 queries for me to read and review.
Out of those 52 queries, I asked for sample pages from 15 writers. In reality, I just basically asked for 15 sample pages from 2,625 queries.
Now before you die of heart failure, that’s probably not wholly accurate either. I know Sara has also been requesting sample pages and I actually don’t know how many she has requested from queries over the last 3 weeks.
So I’m guessing the total is more like 30 or 40 requests for sample pages out of 2,625 queries.
Now you know why I’ve spent so much time teaching you folks how to write that silly query pitch blurb!
And because I can’t leave you in doom and gloom right before the holiday weekend, just remember that ‘re’ is a drop of golden sun…
This put a huge smile on my face. I hope it does the same for you!
More than 200 dancers performed their version of "Do Re Mi", in the Central Railway Station of Antwerp. With just 2 rehearsals, it is a promotion stunt for a Belgian television program where they are looking for someone to play the leading role in the musical of "The Sound of Music".
STATUS: Chutney and I are heading to Central Park. Or maybe we’ll do Riverside today. Either way, I should take at least one picture of her in Manhattan. What’s a New York trip without one gratuitous Chutney pic?
What’s playing on the iPod right now? SILLY LOVE SONGS by Paul McCartney & Wings
Today’s funny courtesy of Sherry Thomas—who despite writing emotionally wrenching and beautifully written historical romances, has a keen sense of humor. Today’s post is perfect coming from her.
TGIF! Enjoy your day.
STATUS: I’m going to be on a plane all day tomorrow so no blogging.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? RIDE LIKE THE WIND by Christopher Cross
I should probably say Friday Inspirational as not all the videos or links that I share on Fridays are funny per se but that’s the tag label so I’m grouping them together.
I love the TV show Britain’s Got Talent. Last year, I shared the video clip of Paul Potts, a rather rumpled looking mobile sales men, auditioning by singing Nessun Dorma and just stunning the audience.
On April 11, 2009, a rather rumpled Susan Boyle decided to take on Simon and the Gang and sing I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables. She did, indeed, dream a dream. Here’s the link as the clip couldn’t be embedded.
I admit. I’m a sucker. These types of moments make me tear up.
And speaking of dreams, an agent friend shot me an email to say that the Guys Lit Wire Blog is promoting reading for boys. They’ve learned that the LA County Juvenile Justice Center has no library whatsoever. Nada. Here they’re trying to rehabilitate these kids and they haven’t got a single book for them to read to show them other options for their lives. So the people running the blog are doing a two week drive to try to get the beginnings of a library for the juvenile prison there. Click here for info. They’ve got a wish list set up at Powell’s Bookstore and information for how to purchase and where to send the books, etc.
Because we all have a dream…
Blog: Terry Pierce (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Teachers, Funnies, Add a tag
I promised some ideas for teachers (and parents) on how to incorporate humor into a learning situation. Here's one that's fun to try:
Spelling Words: Incorporate spelling words into a joke, riddle or funny paragraph. Have each student get in front of the class and use one spelling word in a joke or riddle (their choice of which word). For example, suppose you’re a 2nd grade student and the word “teacher” is on your spelling list. Read through a joke book (or use the index) and find a joke that uses your work, such as:
What did the fish teacher say to her school?
"Attention, gills and buoys!"
(from Greatest Goofiest Jokes, Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.)
What a FUN way to learn spelling words! You'll have kids begging to get their new spelling list!
STATUS: Expecting large snow storm tomorrow so lots of reading time ahead of me I think.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? TAKE A CHANCE ON ME by Erasure
Know no limitation. Have a great weekend.
Blog: Terry Pierce (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Contests, Upcoming Events, Funnies, Add a tag
It's that time again--National Humor Month--where we focus on the joy and therapeutic value of laughter. Not only is laughter the best medicine, it also reduces stress, creates endorphines (those "feel-good" hormones in our bodies) and is a great tool for classroom teachers.
Blog: Terry Pierce (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Funnies, Add a tag
Ahoy, me buckoos, once again it's Talk Like a Pirate Day! So pull out yer pirate dictionaries and be ready to gab in pirate-speak or walk the plank! Need a little sword tip to move ye forward? Try these pirate puns on fer size:
STATUS: TGIF! And I’ve got a lot to celebrate as I’m almost caught up—if we don’t count the fact that I haven’t looked at queries in 3 weeks and that I’m still behind on reading requested sample pages. If you are waiting to hear from us, please wait just a bit longer…
What’s playing on the iPod right now? SH-BOOM by The Chords
Sara & I are still compiling the tallies of our Tuesday’s poll so look for that on Monday. Also in regards to the handwritten manuscript we received this week, we decided to go with the happy compromise outlined by many of you in the comments section. Today we sent a letter requesting that the sender send us the return postage if he/she wants the manuscript materials returned.
We’ll await that response and as to your other question, no, I have not read it and don’t plan to. It could be the best and greatest next American novel and I wouldn’t really care. I have a terrific current client list right now and I’m positive that I don’t want to work with an author who isn’t computer savvy in this day and age when it’s imperative (for my communicating with him/her and for author self marketing and promotion). I did that once early in my career where I had an author who didn’t/couldn’t email and once was enough.
Now for today’s funny. Two reasons why I’m sharing. 1) Thought this youtube vid was hilarious and 2) dang these authors are savvy in terms of promotion. What a great and fun way to get the info out that your book has been nominated for a RITA! It’s all about the promo baby!
STATUS: Smile. Because it’s TGIF and it’s supposed to be a gorgeous weekend in Denver.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME by Supertramp
Brooke Taylor’s debut UNDONE releases in August. She, along with several of my other debut clients, is doing promotional counseling with Bella Stander (and the agency picks up the tab).
She couldn’t resist sending this youtube video my way. If you are a soon-to-be-published author, big beverage alert.
Today is a twofer. Ally Carter sent this video my way. Some of her savvy fans did a mock movie trailer for I’D TELL YOU I LOVE YOU BUT THEN I’D HAVE TO KILL YOU as their project for film class. So fun and clever. Enjoy. (And no, we don’t have an update to share on where this project is in the film world. Maybe this will inspire Walden Media.)
Blog: Terry Pierce (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Other Blogs, Funnies, Add a tag
Okay, for a hilarious example of perfect wordplay, go to Mary Hershey’s blog. I never knew the Pillsbury Doughboy could be so funny, and leave it to Mary to show us just how much there is to poke fun at!
And for the second time in my blogging life, I’ve been tagged by a fellow writer, Patty Palmer. We bloggers are a playful bunch, aren’t we? And since my hubbie is teaching class right now and my cats are sleeping, I’ve got a few minutes to play along. So, here goes:
Rules for the game:
1. Put these rules at the beginning of your post.
2. Then answer each question (see below) in your post.
3. Tag five people at the end, then post a comment on each of their blogs letting them know you've tagged them, and ask them to check your blog for details.
What was I doing 10 years ago?
Ten years ago, I had just received my 1st degree Black Belt in taekwondo so I was in much better physical condition than I am now! Professionally, I was in my 21st year of teaching at the Montessori pre-primary level and my first thoughts of writing for children were surfacing in my mind. Personally, my son was finishing with middle school so I was very involved with his life.
Five Snacks I Enjoy:
1. Fresh blackberries.
2. Freshly picked cherries from Hood River, Oregon.
3. Movie popcorn (which I only eat about once a year because it’s got like a bazillion calories and way too many grams of fat and salt).
4. Edamame beans.
5. Oatmeal chocolate-chip FiberOne bars.
Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Well, if you’re going to fantasize, go big!
1. I’d buy a summer vacation home in Hood River, Oregon where I could eat fresh cherries every summer until my stomach would feel ready to explode.
2. I’d buy a winter condo in Mammoth so my hubbie could snowboard and not have to make the long day drive to do it.
3. I’d donate a large part of it to D & S Animal Rescue Center (in Ridgecrest) so they could build a full-service facility to house and adopt out the hundreds of animals that they save annually.
4. I’d surprise my husband with a trip to Palau so we could scuba dive and swim in Jellyfish Lake.
5. I’d hire Stacy and Clinton from TLC’s “What Not to Wear” to find me a pair of jeans that actually fit. Of course, that might take all of the money because it wouldn’t’ be an easy task for them and I’m sure they’re expensive.
Five jobs that I have had:
1. Counter girl at Jack in the Box.
2. Temp-clerk.
3. Substitute teacher (all grades).
4. College teacher.
5. Montessori pre-primary teacher.
Three of my habits:
1. Checking my email way too often—I’m obsessed, what can I say?
2. On-demand petting and playing with my two cats (and my cats are very demanding but since they’re the world’s cutest and sweetest cats they deserve it).
3. Writing with my blue Hello Kitty pencil. I’m a fanatic about it. Any writing I’ve done for younger children has always started out with this pencil and a notepad. I won’t write with anything else, unless I’m away from home and caught without it—and then my creativity is less than stellar. Hello Kitty really motivates me, I suppose.
Five places I have lived:
Just five??? Here are the main ones:
Fort Worth, Texas.
Rochester, New York.
Mercer Island, Washington
Manhattan Beach, California.
Ridgecrest, California.
Five people I want to get to know better (i.e) TAG!
Catherine Ipcizade at Fresh from the Oven (Catherine is a fellow Sylvan Dell author)
Barbara Bietz at Jewish Books for Children with Author Barbara Bietz (Barbara is from my SCBWI region and one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met).
Greg Pincus at Gottabook (Greg is a poet who invented a unique poetry form called, “The Fib.”)
Tina Nichols Coury at Tales from The Rushmore Kid (Tina is from my SCBWI region and has her first book coming out soon).
Greg Trine at Melvin Beederman Superhero (Greg is a softspoken superwriter with a sharp wit).
STATUS: Answering emails, reviewing royalty statements, working on some contracts, and typing up notes for client manuscripts. Just a typical Friday morning…
What’s playing on the iPod right now? CALL ME by Aretha Franklin
Okay, this entry doesn’t have anything to do with publishing but I think the Improv Everywhere artists rock and I just have to share. I totally want to be an IE agent.
Have you ever noticed that the main characters in musicals just spontaneously burst into song? Well, now it happens in real life too.
And IE at the little league game is just a blast as well.
Nothing to do with publishing I know but I’m sure it brought a smile to your face and hey, it’s Friday!
Blog: Terry Pierce (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Funnies, Add a tag
Well folks, I’ve come to the decision that all of the fame that I’ve gained from writing for children is just too much for this little introvert. I mean really, how many pairs of dark glasses and wide-brimmed hats can one hide under?
And the wealth I’ve acquired in these past nine years has been so unexpected compared to what I thought it would be prior to becoming a children’s writer that I just can’t say enough about it!
Soooo, I’m packing my bags and moving to the Bahamas. The bag will include sunscreen, swimsuit, sundresses, flip-flops and enough cat food to last for my two spoiled feline traveling companions.
WHEN am I bailing on the writing world (and the rest of society too, I suppose)?
Let’s see, let me check my calendar...
Oh wait...it’s April 1!
Happy April Fool’s Day! ;-) (hee-hee)
For further goofiness ala Terry, click here to visit Tina Nichols Coury’s blog for more April Fool's Day fun.
That was hilarious and absolutely spot on.
That's hysterical :)
Enjoy the weekend!
That's the best laugh I've had all week, thank you!
Haha. *snarf* That's hilarious. :)
Don't feel bad, Kristin. I laughed too.
I hate that I'm laughing so hard at that.
And great song. I haven't heard it in ages and now I'm going to have to cue it up on my ipod!
Ophelia book giveaway!
That's terrible, but hilarious!! :D
I so needed that laugh today. Thank you! Sue Harrison
hahaha, that's hilarious!
and typical. so typical.
This cracked me up! I read it to my husband. He said, "That's good advice."
She might also be out of petrol and have a faulty fuel gauge.
Hope this helps,
Gary
Hahahaha, and sadly, I can actually see a guy really responding like this.
Are you sure Allan doesn't have a pen name?
Okay, that one had me laughing out loud. Thanks!
Mike seems like a real helpful guy. I love his answer. Just wish I'd come up with something so clever when my gfriends ask me how to deal with such-n-such.
Why's she trying to work things out with him anyway?
Oh my god. That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time. So true!!
That is fantastic!!! I actually know men like this. Car guys, I mean.
*dies laughing*
Lol, that's class!
This is excellent advice. Get the car fixed before the divorce.
The first clue should have been that he's a fan of the Raiders. I mean, come on! Who does that?
Too funny! My husband and I got a good laugh.
That's what I always say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." And, while the car needs some work, hubby definitely ain't broke!
Too funny. LOL.
Ha ha brilliant. Hope you are having a lovely weekend and thanks for the laugh
Kate xx
http://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com
Oh, that's hilarious!
Like Sheila is going to know where to find the intake manifold. His reply is falling on deaf ears. I totally see what you mean.