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In my workshops and consulting sessions with authors, I stress that publicity is a marathon, not a sprint, and that no one person can do it all. Then I spin out a gazillion suggestions and publicity ideas. By the end, my clients tell me that they feel like their heads are about to explode. "Then I've done my job," I cheerfully reply.

As anyone who's done them knows, "simple" things--putting together a mailing list, producing promotional materials, searching out community & online interest groups--can take vast amounts of time.

What to do? Hire a Virtual Assistant. Here are a couple of places to find one:

• Virtual Assistants Forum
• Elance - great for all sorts of freelancers

Yes, this means spending money, but it's a tax-deductible business expense. And you'll be freed up to do the things that only you can do, such as write your next book.

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Carleen Brice's Black Book Welcome Lady video led to an opinion piece in Sunday's Washington Post: Reading Too Much Into Race. NB: Books by African-American authors make great gifts!

My favorite webmaster (and all-around nice guy), Steve Bennett of Authorbytes, gets top billing; and Carol Fitzgerald, founder of the Bookreporter.com empire, gets the best quote in a Publishers Weekly piece: Finding Value in Author Web Sites. (In my day at PW, we wouldn't have mislabeled bestselling novelist Chris Bohjalian as a "journalist." Hmpf!)

Author Marianne Mancusi shares excellent book party tips at Agent Kristin's Pub Rants. Be sure to read the comments for even more pointers.

Client Alison Larkin's debut novel, THE ENGLISH AMERICAN (which makes a great gift!), has been optioned by ABC TV for a half-hour series, with the Mark Gordon Company ("Grey’s Anatomy") attached to produce. Woo hoo!

Book Promotion 101 alums Jennifer Kaufman & Karen Mack just got a deal with Bantam Dell, who published their first two novels (which make great gifts!), for their third. FREUD'S MISTRESS is described as a "what-if" novel exploring the potential affair between Sigmund Freud and his sister-in-law, and looks at his complicated (ya think???) personal life and family relationships. I wonder if there'll be any cigar jokes...

The Pit Bulls of New Orleans calendar, a pet project of author Ken Foster, is on sale. (Hint: It makes a great gift!)

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Check out Google's Search Engine Optimization Starter Guide. It's easy to understand, even for non-techies. I'm going to be directing my consulting clients to it, as I constantly see author websites that have pages that are poorly titled and/or all have the same title. (The title is what's at the very top of your browser screen.)

For example, memoirist Jane Doe (name & book title changed to protect the guilty) currently has a home page titled, "Jane Doe, Writer." It should read, "Jane Doe, author of TOO CUTE: A Memoir."

The page with the nav bar link "About the Book" has the title "TOO CUTE." It should be, "About TOO CUTE: A Memoir by Jane Doe."

Jane's links page is titled "Links." Bad Jane! (More accurately: Bad Webmaster!) The title should be something like "Author Jane Doe: Links to My Favorite Websites."

The page labeled "About the Author" on the nav bar should be titled, "About Jane Doe, author of TOO CUTE: A Memoir."

And so on.

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In early June I did three "Promoting Like a Pro" phone-in seminars for the Authors Guild. They went so well that I decided to do them all by my very own self. So a little while ago I set up the first seminar through FreeConference. Here's the scoop:

Book Promotion 101 TeleSeminar
Date: Sunday, Sept. 28
Time: 3-4:30pm Eastern (12-1:30pm Pacific)
Price: $90
Registration limited to 10.

You get:

• The lowdown on promoting your book like a pro--the same as in my all-day workshop.
• Q&A session.
• Individual 15-minute follow-up consultation.
• First hour of additional consultation for $125 (a $25 discount).

Interested? Send an email to: blog (at) bellastander.com, with subject "TeleSeminar."

This will be up on the Book Promotion 101 website ASAP.

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Me and GalleyCat Ron Hogan. (Note the tan line on my wrist; I had just spent 2-1/2 days in Montauk.) Photo by Carolyn Burns Bass.

At the Backspace Writers Conference last week, I was slated to do just one program: "Promoting Like a Pro" on Friday morning. But when I stopped by for the Thursday afternoon mixer, I found out that MJ Rose & Doug Clegg had bailed on their "Buzz Your Book" program due to medical emergencies. So in the "show must go on" spirit (after all, the conference hotel was on Broadway), I offered to do a "Brainstorming with Bella" program so Rose & Clegg's 4pm slot wouldn't be empty.

I quickly jotted down an agenda and notes for the one-hour session, which I based on a segment of my Book Promotion 101 workshop. Then just as we were about to begin, Ron Hogan of GalleyCat volunteered to help out. He describes what happened next in Make Your Story Pitch Better, Faster, Stronger.

I sure am glad I'd stashed a big supply of Book Promotion 101 business cards & refrigerator magnets, plus Virginia Festival of the Book postcards, in my purse before I headed to the conference that day! Think I'll download some of my program spiels on my Palm PDA, so I'll be well prepared in case something like this happens again.

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Must be the heat, but I neglected to mention that workshop alum Micah Nathan (GODS OF ABERDEEN) did an email interview with me: Bella Stander, Publicity Goddess.

Micah wrote:

I initially scoffed when my former agent Marly Rusoff suggested I attend a publicity seminar for authors. My reasons for scoffing were fueled by ego and insecurity (sides of the same coin, of course), but Ms. Rusoff is a publishing genius, so I figured what the hell. Something good had to come out of four hours in a room with publicists, agents, and media coaches. [Actually it was eight hours; time goes by fast when you're having fun.] And lunch was included.

The seminar was called “Book Promotion 101,” created and moderated by the lovely Bella Stander, an incredibly bright, refreshingly blunt publicity guru who has the courage to blast apart authorly pretensions and replace those shattered delusions with good sense. Before Bella I thought my job as a writer began and ended with writing books. After Bella, I realized self-publicity isn’t something done by hacks or desperate salesmen—it’s as crucial a part of the publishing process as finding an agent, selling your book to a publisher, and making sure they spell your name right.

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I hear a lot of stories from authors about the dumb things their inhouse publicists do; or worse, how the publicists aren't doing much of anything at all. I've also experienced dumb author tricks up close and heard stories from publicists about even more. (See my publicity--and other--horror tales.)

So I read GalleyCat's Friday post, The Blame Game, with more than passing interest. GC co-editor Andy wrote:

At just about every publishing house I've worked at I've run into this problem of having too many books to publicize, as do most of my colleagues. Some you just have to send out into the ether blind, some you champion, others you do the bare minimum on because that's all the time you have. I've actually had my boss tell me to NOT do anything for a book because another book needed to take priority.

GalleyCat ran a poll asking "Who's to blame for book sales?" The single reason with the greatest number of votes--23%--was "The publisher has too many books on the list." However, 42% of the votes (including mine) went to "All of the above":

1. Sales didn't get enough books into stores.
2. The publicist dropped the ball.
3. The editor bought an unsellable book.
4. The publisher has too many books on the list.
5. The author wrote a dud.
6. The agent built up the author to be more than they were.

As counterpoint to the above, there are the two latest posts on slunch. On Friday, Deathtron wrote Why I Hate Book Publicity and will Never do it Again. The reasons, explained in the post:

1. The work never ends.
2. Too many books.
3. Unreasonable authors and their expectations.
4. Meetings.
5. Quality of life.
   

Yesterday, Ladytron posted her agreement:

Deathtron is right in the fact that we're all overworked, and that there are just too many damn books for anyone to do a decent job. But when one of the authors who I have focused on, who I have pitched to hundreds of outlets, who I have gone above and beyond for...well, when they question my "commitment" to a project. Yeah, it's enough to want me to through in the towel....

Yes, your book is important. I get that. You wrote it, it means a lot to you, and I'm publicizing it.... WE ARE TRYING. And calls about how you think maybe we could try harder, or maybe we're not doing it right...well, it's not a motivator. It's a turnoff.

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Now that I can type freely with both hands again, here comes more coverage of BookExpo.

On Thursday, May 29, the second of three "Media Matters" panels moderated by publicist extraordinaire Kim Dower (aka Kim-from-LA), was "Southern California Top Radio Producers." Panelists were:

• Jacob Conrad, editor, Day to Day, National Public Radio
• Lyle Gregory, producer, The Michael Jackson Show, KGIL
• Michelle Kube, producer, The Bill Handel Show, KFI AM
• Terrence McNally, host Free Forum with Terrence McNally, Pacifica Radio, KPFK
• Mindy Steinman, producer Airtalk and FilmWeek with Larry Mantle, KPCC
  
• Marrie Stone, guest host, Writers on Writing with Barbara DeMarco-Barrett, KUCI
• Jesse Thorn, producer & host, The Sound of Young America, podcast & public radio stations

As a rule of thumb, you don't want to have more than four people on a panel, is it gets too unwieldy. But Kim did a great job of giving everyone a chance to speak and keeping the discussion on track. She started by asking the panelists to describe their shows and the types of authors and books they feature.

McNally: I believe we [as a nation] can do better, and I want to find out how. That's the focus of my show. Almost always have nonfiction authors.

Conrad: "Day to Day" is news-driven. Listen to the show and get to know the voices of the hosts. [Pitch authors/stories for specific hosts.] We have fiction and nonfiction authors who have stories of their own [and not just hawking their books].

Steinman: Nonfiction authors, very few fiction with local interest. "Airtalk" is a two-hour daily news show. The last half-hour is the cultural segment. We get hundreds and hundreds of books a week; our eight producers get hundreds of emails a day. KNOW THE SHOW. No how-to, plastic surgery, celebrity bios. It's off-putting to be pitched what we don't cover.

Thorn: My show is younger-person oriented. I do all in-depth interviews: a lot of funny people, a nonfiction author on something unusual, musicians. No books with numbers in the title, or about John Adams. If Ted Turner wants to talk bison, I'm there.

Stone: We're a weekly show covering the art and craft of writing. All phone interviews. We do literary fiction, noir; no prescriptive nonfiction, how-to or romance. We get hundreds of books a week.

Kube: Bill Handel is a lawyer, he's crazy and has ADD. His attention span isn't long. An interview is no more than 15 minutes. KNOW THE SHOW. We're news-oriented, have 12 topics each morning. Our mission is to EDUCATE, INFORM & ENTERTAIN. Fiction must have a news hook. Bill hates how-to, dislikes self-help. We get hundreds of emails a day. Nothing makes me more crazy than getting the wrong pitch. LOOK AT THE WEBSITE.

Gregory: We are producers and hosts. Show is 2 hours a day. I went back on air [after being off for quite a while]. We're having fun with this, the 3rd act of our baby boomer careers. Sometimes we do a thing every 15 minutes, sometimes we do it the whole hour. Thank you all for being here!

Kim: Know the show! Educate, inform and entertain is what it's all about. For broadcast, it's more important to have a great guest than a great book. You must be engaging and a good talker. The producer must know if the guest has a speech impediment. TV is about looks, radio is about voice.

Kube: I do a pre-interview, set up guests for Bill. Sometimes they fall apart. Bill hates it when an author says, "As I said in the book..." or "You have to read the book." [I hate that too! An author who was a college professor pulled that on me. I killed the piece and repurposed an interview with another author I'd done for PW.]

Gregory: If you're plugging your book [on the show], you sound like a used-car salesman. Don't plug your book; Michael will plug it for you.

Kim: On live radio, you have to be a self-contained unit.

McNally: It's about the radio show, not selling the book. If people like the radio show, they'll buy the book.

Kube: We featured HOW TO DUCK A SUCKAH with a former pimp [Big Boom] as a relationship expert.

Kim: You have to talk to the author first [before you pitch him/her to media]. I knew to pitch Big Boom to Bill Handel.

Gregory: Sometimes we need that extra push.

Thorn: A lot of shows look for people who are really exciting. We don't necessarily do that. Scott Simon says, "If you're on tape, you can always wait till they answer some more." [You can't do that live, though!] Amy Sedaris is so good, she could come in and talk for an hour about ducks. I would marry her if I could. [You read it here first, folks!] For the interview, get the author to a radio station with an ISDN line. Pitch authors who are experts on topics, not just because they have a book out.

Kim: How do you want to be pitched?

Steinman: When you're pitching, send a copy of the book. Be sure to include author contact information.

McNally: Pitch by email; address on personal website. Send the book. Answer the question, How can we make society better? We can pre-record for Tuesday show.

Conrad: Email with engaging pitch with contact info. Rarely do phone interviews; must be on ISDN line.

Steinman: A one-page email and send the book. Don't call unless you're following up, nor when show is on the air, or just off the air. Include TITLE, AUTHOR, PUBLISHER, PUB DATE and 2-3 sentences about the book. [Books don't necessarily have to be current.] When Gerald Ford died during Christmas week years ago, we searched Amazon to find an author of a book about him.

Thorn: Galleys are great. Pitch me by email: jesse (at) maximumfun.org. I hate the phone. Feel free to send books, they're like the fruitcakes on "Pee Wee's Playhouse."

Stone: ARCs are best. We're already booked through August. The earlier you pitch, the better. Follow up with email.

Kube: Pitch by email. I don't check voice mail every day. Pub date is important. If offering times, use Pacific Time. The top or bottom of the hour is no good.

Steinman: Always include the author's tour schedule.

Gregory: Pitch by email. Don't send galleys. We can do cell phone interviews. We book guests anywhere from a minute to a month in advance. The book is a business card.

Kube: The big misconception [among publicists] is "I have to book TV first." It's not always true that the TV audience is bigger than radio.

McNally: TV is background. In the car, radio is foreground.

Question from audience: Will you take pitches from authors?

McNally: An email's an email.

Thorn: It's extremely rare for a publicist to pitch something appropriate for the show. DO NOT SEND ME A BOOK WITH A PINK COVER.

All: Use appropriate language on air! [They don't want the FCC coming down on them for profanity/obscenity.]

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Ya gotta read Paul Constant's Text Message from Los Angeles in The Stranger, "Seattle's Only Newspaper":

On the demented, celebrity-crazed, surrender-happy, endlessly-on-the-verge-of-being-wiped-off-the-planet publishing industry. (Note to panicked book lovers: Everything is going to be okay.)

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I've finally recovered enough from BookExpo last weekend to write about it. So here goes...

On Thursday, May 29, publicist extraordinaire Kim Dower, aka Kim-from-LA, moderated three back-to-back "Media Matters" panels. The first was "Southern California Top TV Producers." Panelists were:

• Maria Hall Brown, producer & host, "Book Mark" on Real Orange on PBS station KOCE, seen throughout Los Angeles and Orange County
• Carole Chouinard, senior producer, The Tavis Smiley Show on PBS station KCET
• Barry Kibrick, producer & host of Between the Lines with Barry Kibrick, seen locally on PBS station KLCS & nationally syndicated through American Public Television
• Greg Mantell, producer & host, The Gregory Mantell Show on cable TV
• Heather Rothman, host of Book Talk with Heather Joy, on Los Angeles cable TV & soon to be syndicated in 16 European countries
  

As usual, my scribbled notes are impressionistic; make of them what you will.

Kibrick: Some of the brand-name fiction writers really stink. I've read manuscripts by my friends and thought, 'If my authors only wrote as well...'

Kim: There's a big difference between a great guest and a great book.

Mantell: Sometimes actors are terrible guests [because they're used to saying other people's words].

Kim: Sometimes actors need media training because they don't know how to talk about their books.

Chouinard: Most of the interviews on my show are 12 minutes. WIZARD OF THE CROW had a quiet author [Kenyan novelist Ngugi wa Thiong'o] with an amazing story. The publicist sent me the hardcover and all these articles about the depth of the author's experience. When the paperback came out, I went to the executive producer and Travis and said, "We have to do this author!" Travis said, "We'll make it work." It was a combination of a good publicist, me deciding to take it on and all hell breaking loose in Kenya. [The show aired in Dec 2007.]

Kim: Caring about something and pushing for it might work.

Brown: Publicists, when you want to pitch a book, don't read a script about the book and leave it on my voice mail. My favorite guests give personal anecdotes. Nonfiction writers tend to speak in generalities [which isn't good]. Persistence without harassing me pays off. I love my authors most of the time.

Kim: You have to know that the author you're pitching is worthy to go on camera.

Mantell: I sent an author home who called me in a panic from the green room, saying "I can't talk about my book." I knew it was going to be a train wreck. [Ya think?! WTF was up with that author?]

Kim: Don't ever deceive.

Kibrick: Be persistent till we say no. Once we say no, give up. Be creative. I did a segment with the guy who designed the California quarter, Garrett Burke [Quarterama]. Garrett approached me, he's a fan of the show and wanted to give me a quarter. I invited him on the show.

Kim: What about self-published authors?

Kibrick: No self-published. [The other panelists nodded in agreement.] There must be someone behind the book with deep pockets. I had Jack Klugman on for TONY AND ME [about him and Tony Randall on "The Odd Couple"] and only after the show did I find out that Jack self-published.

Kim: We have to be honest about the author and product, and what we're pitching. Know your material before you go on.

Rothman: Even a huge name can be so reticent on camera. Thirty minutes is like 3 hours. I prepare for my interview as if for a final exam. I had John Dean on and they sent questions in case I hadn't read the book--which of course I had.

Brown: I don't read press materials. [Sounds of breaking hearts throughout the room.] A lot of the time I scare interviewees because I know something about them they weren't expecting to hear. I spend the first 10 minutes breaking down their media training. [Sound of Kim's heart hitting floor.] I do my own research. I pissed off John Stossel [woohoo!!!]. The first thing I asked him made him angry for 30 minutes. I was intimidated about interviewing the late David Halberstam, but he was one of the sweetest, kindest, most gentle people I ever met.

Chouinard: I don't use the questions in the press materials. [More hearts plummeting.] I look for nuggets for Travis to mine. I usually pre-interview the author. Reviews are very helpful. I give Travis bullet points on a briefing card.

Kim: The idea of an interview is to be spontaneous, but it takes a lot of preparation to be spontaneous. [I quote Dolly Parton in my workshops: "It takes a lot of money to look this cheap!"]

Kibrick: I go deep, but I don't want to surprise the author.

Mantell: I look at a press kit for about 10 seconds, then if it interests me I look further. [More shattered hearts around the room.]

Kibrick: Author questions in a press kit are good for national a.m. TV shows.

Kim: Oftentimes that's all they'll look at.

Mantell: Send an up-to-date visual. One author sent us her photo and it turned out to be from 30 years ago.

Kim: B-roll footage is always helpful.

All: Some look at DVD of author's past appearances.

Kibrick: Let me see the book. I'm going to make the author come alive.

Kim: What advice do you have, and how should people pitch you?

Mantell: Know the show. Pitch by email: greg(at)gregorymantell.com.

Chouinard: Know your show. Tavis is African-American. We don't do "typical" Af-Am material; most people pitch too narrow. We are politics, news, current events. Pitch by email: cchouinard(at)kcet.org.

Brown: Send me the book, even if you pitch by email or phone. If I don't get back to you, try again. Email: mhall-brown(at)koce.org.

Kibrick: Email is best: barrykibrick(at)aol.com. No is no. I get hundreds of books a month. I donate every one I don't use. Books are gleaned through by my staff.

Rothman: Pitch by email: hjrothman(at)aol.com. The New Yorker likes to call in the early morning; they can't subtract 3.

Kibrick: You REALLY need to know the show.

Kim: To pitch the wrong guest to the wrong show is a waste of time.

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That's the lowdown from Kassia Kroszer of Booksquare, in Life on Venus: Authors Do Market. She eloquently expands on what I've been telling authors for years: A book is a product. Get over it.

It is peculiar that some believe that authors should be exempt from marketing themselves. It’s expected for musicians — who have a similar relationship with their record labels (yeah, still call them records) — they book tours and sell merchandise. Yes, all obvious business differences are duly noted. While the labels are trying to get a piece of the action, musicians realize that they need to engage in marketing to be successful. Visual artists set up shows; nobody blinks when a photographer sets up an exhibit at a gallery. To say “this is not my job” is to say “well, you know, I’m not really serious about my career.”...

Writing a book is art, publishing one is business.

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"WHAT?!" I yelped when I read yesterday's GalleyCat item, Publishers Weekly Reviewers Now To Be Paid Even Less. ($25!).

So it's not like PW reviewers will starve now because the rate they're being paid is being slashed by 50%. But it still sorta sucks.

It more than "sorta" sucks. There was a time, 15-20 years ago, when a significant chunk of my income came from PW reviews, which I cranked out at the rate of 2-4 per week, at $45 per. During the sturm und drang over Tasini v. NY Times, I followed the advice of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, of which I was a member, and refused to sign PW's retroactive rights contract. It demanded that I hand over, gratis, the copyright for the hundreds of reviews, interviews and articles I'd written over more than a decade. Whereupon PW informed me that my services were no longer needed--not even for the biannual announcement listings, which I'd been doing for 10+ years.

So I caved and signed the vershtunkeneh contract. And my services were still no longer needed. Whereupon I found greener reviewing pastures, which not only paid 6-10 times more but gave me a byline.

"However, you will be credited as a contributor in issues where your reviews appear," reassures reviews director Louisa Ermelino in the email she sent contributors announcing the change. Also, she writes that "all of us here are also experiencing change but we expect that we will continue to be the gold standard in book reviewing."

Raise your hand if you think Ermelino and other PW staffers' salaries have been cut by half.

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 Okay, I think I want to use a word meter. I can do the research but I thought I'd also like to hear from those of you who already use them/have used them. Tell me which ones you like/don't like and why, please.

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(This just in from a YA author who, for obvious reasons, wishes to remain anonymous.)

Prior to my publication date, I wisely took Book Promotion 101 and got Bella's handy dandy packet o' info. In that packet was the hilarious poem "The Book of My Enemy has Been Remaindered," which made me laugh aloud because I was sure that such a thing would NEVER happen to me.

Oh, how wrong I was.

But first, let me recap what the publicity department at my publisher did for me. They sent my book to reviewers. As far as I can tell, that's about it.

The book was universally well reviewed, and was placed on an important annual reading list for teachers and librarians nationwide. Not bad for a first-timer.

Beyond sending the book out to reviewers, I'm not sure what my publicity person did because I couldn't get anything else out of her. I tried to be helpful, I asked if there was anything I could do--if they wanted a bio or photo or anything, but they didn't seem open or receptive to that.

So I took the hint, and did else myself, including booking appearances at numerous book festivals, setting up signings and school visits, getting newspaper articles, teen targeted web reviews and NPR interviews and, of course, doing the things I knew I'd be doing myself anyway, like printing up book cards, and getting my website up and running.

My first book fest was an inhouse publicity eye opener. I booked myself into this fest which was in the state where the book I wrote is set. A no-brainer, if you ask me. Because my book was set instate, there was a feature article on me in the Sunday arts section of the newspaper.

I contacted my inhouse publicity person well in advance of the fest and made sure she knew it was happening so she could alert the regional sales rep to see that all went well. She congratulated me and assured me that everything would be fine. Weeks later, I contacted her again to give her the newspaper article and to remind her of the festival dates. Once again, congratulations and assurances. I figured all was right with the world.

Then I arrived at the fest. No books. None. Nada. Zip.

Luckily, having taken Book Promotion 101, I was prepared with book cards and book plates to sign for the many people who would have bought my book if they could have. When I returned from the fest, I contacted my publicity person and told her that the fest was wonderful, except...well, that pesky little detail: no books.

Her reply? I should have told her I was doing the fest so she could have been sure that books would be there for me.

Like a far too polite trouper, I refrained from forwarding her the entire chain of emails between us about the fest, and assured her that next time, by golly, I'd absolutely tell her where I'd be appearing and when.

Without going into any more gory detail, this is the rest of what happened between me and my inhouse publicity department. I set up more appearances. I contacted my publicist. My calls didn't go through and my emails started bouncing back. She'd left the house, I hadn't been informed and had, in fact, been without a publicity person for weeks.

I was assigned her former assistant. Another book fest came and went with NO BOOKS. Emails began to bounce back from the former assistant. She too had left the house.

I was assigned another assistant. She cheerfully returned emails, and made sure my books were at the next fest, though by that time there was little else she could do for me, although I asked. My title was now over a year old and the house had written me off.

A couple months later, the house remaindered my book, and offered me copies at deep, deep discount: $1.49 a copy. I promptly ordered 300 copies, since I figured I'd been handselling the book anyway and might as well continue to do so.

Then, mere DAYS after my book was remaindered, it was nominated for a state book award. With this award, the state puts forth a master list of titles, students throughout the state have a full year to read books from the list and then vote on their favorite. Of course, students have to be able to GET the book to READ IT. A conundrum, no?

Also, I've been told by an author I know who won this state award last year, that being on the master list generates lots of school visits and book sales, and that most books on state awards lists are at least two years old; it takes that long for books to filter through librarians and teachers. My book was a full quarter shy of two years old. Prematurely remaindered, methinks.

My agent asked my editor if the house was keeping books in stock through their own website so students from this state could at least order it from the house. Three weeks have passed. As yet, we've had no reply.

To add insult to injury, the day the 300 copies of my book arrived at my house, the FedEx guy knocked at my door and told me to sign for delivery of a pallet loaded with 25 boxes of books that was dropped at the end of my driveway because, and I quote, "It's a curbside delivery. You want me to break up the pallet? It's another $75 bucks."

Luckily I have a hand truck, a healthy back, and an attic that's high & dry.

So, the book is for sale on my website, I've donated copies to a teen readers website for a monthly contest, I'm doing a summer event at a local bookstore as part of a teen readers series and I'll handsell the book and, generally, I'm pretty sanguine about the whole thing now.

And I'm sure that, in time, I'll laugh at "The Book of my Enemy has been Remaindered," again. But not just yet.

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Meg McAllister, McAllister Rowan Communications Group, has an uplifting antidote to PW's A Day in the Life of a Book Publicist:

Sometimes I forget how much I enjoy what I do, and the joy I take in being a productive part of the publishing process and its ensuing marketing industry. My partner Darcie and I are known for our "straight-from-the-hip" assessments of the publishing industry and the business of marketing books, and thankfully people like Bella create sites like this where we can come together to share ideas, express concerns and...hopefully...enlighten one another from time to time.

Authors are VERY brave people! Just the act of putting words on a paper can be nerve-wracking, but then sending a book out there (like a mother sending her child off for the first day of school) into the big world to be savaged by agents, acquisition editors, publicists and media, should come with a Purple Heart. So why do you do it? Being somewhat jaded (but we hope terribly charming with it) marketers, Darcie and I have come to view authors as brands, and the books they write as tools in a larger plan/agenda.

But this week I was reminded in a big way that sometimes an author writes simply to tell a wonderful story, and in doing so share a part of themselves that impacts millions. If you don’t already know who Randy Pausch is, I urge you to learn, hear, and read more about him. A highly acclaimed professor from Carnegie Mellon, Randy is making news daily, not for his academic accolades, or his vast knowledge in the computer science field, but because he’s dying.

A relatively young (at 46 just a year older than I), vibrant, father of three, Randy has an aggressive and terminal case of pancreatic cancer. In September 2007 he was told that he would have a relatively short time left to live. Faced with a diagnosis that would send most of us into a flood of tears and a tub of Hagen Daaz, Randy instead agreed to take part in an academic tradition known as “The Last Lecture”. The premise of The Last Lecture is what insights and messages would we share with the world, if we knew this would be our last opportunity to do so. Randy addressed a standing room only crowd at Carnegie Mellon and talked not about achieving greatness, but about realizing childhood dreams; not about dealing with mortality, but living each day with renewed wonder and joy; and most importantly, not about achieving personal success, but helping others achieve theirs.

If you haven’t seen the lecture Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams, I implore you to invest the 76-½ minutes to do so, because it could change your life. Also please consider reading THE LAST LECTURE, which expands on Randy’s story, the lecture, and the impact it’s had on people throughout the world .

Randy’s lecture reminded me why I do what I do for a living. I want to promote books (though alas I am not promoting his) that have a meaning and a purpose that transcends Amazon rankings, bestseller lists, and units sold. I want to open the door to ideas and discussion. And I guess in my own way, I want to achieve success by helping others realize their goals.

So the point of my story is this: When you think about why you want to publish, why you want to promote, start by asking yourself why you write, and what it is you’re hoping your reader will really gain from reading your book. And when you have those moments where you’re bogged down with writer's block and insecurities, or when you’re that jaded (did I remember to mention charming?) publicist dealing with stress and media rejection, or when you’re that beloved publishing consultant dealing with everyone else’s hysteria while courageously dealing with her own issues and demons, perhaps Randy’s signature phrase will offer some inspiration: “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”

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The following article is by book publicist Meg McAllister of McAllister Rowan Communications. Note her use of "reality" and "realistic." Publicists use those words a lot when it comes to authors, and for good reason. As a publisher wrote me:

Most authors are far too idealistic and have too many silly, time-wasting notions of how this business works. It is best to dispel those notions early, so we save time and angst later. I have little indulgence for author naïveté. If you want to be successful in the publishing business, then know how it works or forego your right to whine about it later.

Book Publicity is Not for Wussies!
For most authors, the reality is that their responsibility to their book does not end with writing it. This can be a real wake-up call. More and more traditional publishers are encouraging (read: demanding) that authors contract with their own publicist “to augment what we will do for the book internally”--which in 7 out of 10 cases is little to nothing!

Due to the rising cost of everything from production to postage, publishers are even scaling back on standard review mailings. Instead, they're opting for email blasts and postcard mailings to solicit interest before sending books out for review. And the general rule is that they take a reactive rather than proactive stance with publicity. They wait for the media to call them; and with mailings, they generally place follow-up calls to about half of the recipient list.

They're not bad publicists; they're just responsible for an enormous volume of books and have very limited funds for each. That’s why, in most cases, your inhouse publicist will welcome an extra pair of hands; it’s a win-win situation for all.

Faced with that reality, as an author, you need to approach the decision of whether to hire a publicist with the same cautious optimism and objective strategy you did when deciding to write your book. If you invested a lot of time, effort, and money to write it, you're going to have to do the same to promote it. You’re making an investment in yourself (and your writing career!--Bella) and on something that will benefit you in the long run. So you should consider the hiring of a publicist in the same manner as you would any other investment--as a savvy consumer.

Here are some tips:

Educate yourself on what to expect.
You’ve found your way to Bella, so congratulations, you’re already way ahead of the game! (I didn't pay her to write that--honest!) Seek the opinions of people like her who’ll offer honesty and objectivity. If you suspect someone is telling you what they think you want to hear, rather than the truth, they probably are. This is not a good thing.

Think performance, not price tag!
You want a publicist with a track record, a reputation, a vision and a price point with which you feel comfortable. As when buying a new car, you should avoid high-priced bells & whistles you don’t need, yet don’t put your life on the line by choosing a clunker just to save a little money.

Talk to other authors.
Get the pros and cons from their point of view. Look for every side of the story: someone who chose the most expensive publicist, someone who chose the cheapest publicist, and someone who went the DIY route.

Talk to more than one publicist/PR firm before making a decision.
While you may end up going with the first one you spoke to, you should “date” around before making a commitment.

Vetting a publicist is a lot like filling any other job.
Don’t just take a publicist’s word for it – we get paid to spin – check references and ask questions about strengths, weakness and work habits.

Be realistic about your publicity budget.
You should have at least $5,000 in the kitty to start with. NEVER consider getting another mortgage on your house or taking a cash advance on your credit card just to pay for PR. If you plan properly and talk to publicity firms about working within your budget, in most cases you can come away with an effective PR effort.

Make the decision to hire a publicist with eyes wide open, and realistic, informed expectations.
Not only will you prove to your publisher that you are committed to helping sell your book, but that you're willing to spend your own money and time to do so. In some cases, if your campaign progresses further than expected, the PR department may be willing to allocate more money and thereby extend it.* Instead of being derided as a publicity wussie, you'll be lauded as a marketing genius.

*This just happened with one of my clients, who after spending lotsa bucks on an ace publicist and superb website, plus snagging terrific blurbs with zero inhouse help, is going from a "local tour" (i.e., signings close to home) to a publisher-sponsored West Coast tour.

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Once a month a bunch of New York area authors who write for teens getting together for Teen Author Drinks Night or TADN. People always look at me strangely when I say I'm going for Teen Author Drinks, until I explain that it's not about corrupting minors, it's about already corrupted authors who *write* for minors. Organized by the inestimable David Levithan, we meet at a Soho watering hole.

Last night I braved traffic and parking tickets. Silly me, thinking that the NYPD wouldn't ticket me with only 15 minutes before parking on the street was allowed and running to go buy the most recent issue of the New Yorker, which has a great article written by a man with Aspergers Syndrome - talk about an expensive magazine...$65 ticket plus $4.50 for the mag.

Anyway, it as still worth it to hang with these wonderful peeps:



Don't know her name, Leslie Margolis, Gordon Korman and Kate Morgenroth



Bennett Madison showing off that he can tie a knot in a cherry stem with his tongue :>)




Mary Rose Wood and Sarah Beth Durst



Natalie Standiford and Elise Broach

Afterwards a bunch of us decamped to a local eatery for pizza and conversation, then of course it was time for DESSERT.

Sarah Beth, Coe Booth, robbiewriter and I were all Pinkberry Virgins and we were led into temptation by Leslie Margolis.

Here we are looking innocent (or at least trying to) prior to popping our Pinkberries.



Although I think I look psychotic rather than innocent.

Pinkberry is awesome. I had a regular Pinkberry with toppings of raspberry and CAP’N CRUNCH!

I have a funny story about the CAP’N. When I was pregnant with Son I craved really healthy stuff like prunes and mangoes. But when I was pregnant with daughter I craved two things, both of which were impossible to find in rural England. 1) Cold Sesame noodles and 2) Cap’n Crunch.

I woke up one night drooling because I’d been dreaming of cold sesame noodles. I even had serious discussions about if a takeout order of cold sesame noodles would survive being DHL’d from New York to Dorset. Unfortunately the answer was no.

I also drove all over London looking for a store that supposedly sold American stuff, in search of a box of Cap’n Crunch. It had closed.

But when I was five months pregnant we took a trip to Kiawah Island and I bought a huge box of Cap’n Crunch and ate it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It was fabulous, although probably not nutritious.

Anyway, after we finished our Pinkberry experience, Coe, Robyn and I headed over to Rice to Riches for our ritual purchase of delicious rice pudding. Daughter is in the dog house with me because she ate all the cheesecake rice pudding. Grr!

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