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My short story, “Two Dates,” has just been published by Sliptongue Magazine. Read an excerpt below, and follow the LINK for the full story. Warning: MATURE CONTENT.

Two Dates (excerpt)

by Sara Dobie Bauer

“Can I help you gentlemen?”

The ginger stood, and God, was he tall. She leaned her upper body back and gave him a funny look.

“We’re very sorry to interrupt your …” He pointed his finger toward the crowd of women. “Uh …”

“Blow job workshop.”

The ginger closed his dark blue eyes and said, “Right. Yes. Sorry.”

“Do you need help finding something?” Angie asked.

“Dude.” The shorter gent smacked the ginger on the shoulder. “They have lingerie. I’m gonna check it out.” Baldy disappeared around a stack of books about tantric sex.

“Are you guys a couple?”

This made the ginger look down at the ground and shake his head. “No. No. Look, it’s my friend’s bachelor party tonight.” He gestured toward the ladies’ underwear. “Not that idiot, but we all went to college together.”

“ASU?”

“Uh, no, Yale, and I’m the best man, and I’m not good at this.”

“Good at what?”

He held his hands out to her, palms up. “I need something that would greatly, greatly embarrass the bachelor in public.”

“I think we can make that happen.” She smiled up at the gawky ginger, and he smiled back. “Is your buddy metro? Manly? Homophobic?”

He seemed to consider this. “I think ‘manly’ might be the best of those choices. Much more manly than me.”

“Dude, you’re wearing Armani. There’s nothing more manly than that.”

He raised red-blond eyebrows at her, seemingly shocked by her comment.

“What’s your name?”

“Ben. Short for something humiliating.”

“Well, I’m Angie.” She reached out her hand, and they shook in honor of newfound familiarity. “I have just the thing for your manly pal.” She beckoned him around a corner with a crooked finger. Angie did a slow saunter, her eyes trailing over male enhancement pills and vibrators before she stopped suddenly, and Ben ran into her.

“Sorry. Had a couple pints already.”

“That much …” she laid her hand on his forearm, “is apparent, babe. Now. Here is what you need.” She pulled a gigantic penis pump from a hook. “I mean, probably not what you need personally. I’m guessing you’re too tall to need one of these.”

“What?”

“You don’t know what this is?” She handed it to him. She watched him read the box, and the more his lips mouthed the words, the more his eyebrows lowered until finally, he laughed.

“This is perfect,” he said. “You’re a genius.”

“I know my penis products.”

He chuckled and bit his bottom lip while looking at her, which made her kind of want to bite it, too.

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Working.”

“I mean after that.”

“Dunno. What am I doing after that?”

He pointed the penis pump toward his compatriot, who, Angie noticed, had a pair of women’s underwear on his head. “Would you like to meet us out?”

“Why? Do you need a stripper?”

Ben’s face crinkled in horror. “No, I didn’t …” He shook his head.

“Oh, my God, I’m kidding.”

His skin turned bright red.

“Oh, he’s blushing!” She reached her palm up and touched his cheek. “You are so cute. Yes, I would love to meet you out. Give me your number.” She smiled, surprised this gentlemanly geek could make her swoon when she was so used to leather and bondage.

***

Like what you’ve read so far? Full story HERE. (Mature content!!!)