by Stephanie Romero
Anyone who is a parent (or knows one—which would qualify all of us), is well aware of the mommy wars that can happen. You know the ones I’m talking about…homeschooling versus traditional schooling, stay-at-home mom versus working mom, co-sleeping versus let ‘em cry it out and well, the list could go on and on.
But there’s another battle that can emerge when it comes to mothers who are writers. It is the pull between parenting and pursuing your passion. Somehow we’ve been convinced that we must choose one or the other. Or we have to wait until a “season” or “stage” in our child’s life has passed. Yet the next one could prove to be more difficult and time-consuming than the last. So we remain stuck. Or we end up feeling guilty because we’ve made what we perceive as the wrong choice.
For too long, mothers have been convinced that when they choose something else to pursue (other than parenting), they should feel guilty. As if being a mom is the only identifying factor in her life. When the truth is that we are so much more. We have passions that go beyond motherhood, so why not embrace them?
Do you ever feel guilty about writing? I have been there. When I’ve been holed up in my office downstairs for hours at a time, knowing my full attention isn’t always with my children. So I have to remind myself—this is not only my passion, it’s my job. I get paid to do this—which means someone is expecting me to produce. I’m teaching them responsibility and something about hard work.
But the same thing can happen when we want to take time to break away and work on that novel, polish up the manuscript or write a blog post. The guilt monster sits on our shoulder, needling away at us. “What kind of mom are you?!” And we’re back to believing that in pursuing our passion as a writer, we have somehow failed as a mother.
Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we do it to other women? Because we believe the lies. We have fallen into that trap, the one that tries to convince us we are not being a good mom if we are passionate about something other than our children. Of course, it’s all about balance. But that’s a different topic for another day.
The point is, I feel like women need permission to be excited about something else in life. To understand that the beauty of being a woman extends beyond motherhood. You can be a mother AND a writer. You might have to write during naptime, in the middle of the night or while they’re at school. But for heaven’s sake, don’t wait until the “right time.” Do it now. You really don’t have to choose between parenting and pursuing your passion for writing—there is a way to have both.
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Would you like to participate in Friday "Speak Out!"? Email your short posts (under 500 words) about women and writing to: marcia[at]wow-womenonwriting[dot]com for consideration. We look forward to hearing from you!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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My 1988 copy of Phyllis A. Whitney's
wonderful "Guide to Fiction Writing."
Credit | E. Humphrey |
In the introduction to
Guide to Fiction Writing,
Phyllis A. Whitney writes that "When we start out as writers we
need to explore our own talents. We can't possibly know where we will write most comfortably until we've followed various leads." Whitney writes that after writing about 300 short stories (with 100 published!) did she realize she needed "the book length to move around in did I begin to be happier as a writer." She continued to make a living writing, but had not found her specialty: romantic suspense.
As I finished one client's work during the holidays, I realized how much I enjoy writing. But I also realized I need to find my own specialty. The project was something I wanted to do well with...but it was difficulty for me to shine in its writing. This one particular client's assignment was painful for me and it made me start thinking about my writing as a whole.
Whitney begins he book by countering Joanne Greenberg's belief that "writers can be divided into two categories: those who are 'venturesome' and those who are 'consistent.'" Whitney's romantic suspense fits both categories, which she believes helps to attract readers.
As the year progresses, I've vowed to become more devoted to my own writing and less to the client work that sucks the life from my writing. I've followed a lot of leads. I still love writing nonfiction. I have my eye on a work-in-progress novel. But perhaps this is my year for discovering my specialty. And maybe it isn't something I've tried yet.
What about you? Do you know what your writing specialty is? How long did it take you to discover it? How did you do it?
Elizabeth King Humphrey is a North Carolina-based writer and editor. Still
searching for a specialty, in 2012, Elizabeth completed a certificate in technical and professional writing.
Normally, I don't get all horn-tooty about my book, Letters From Rapunzel, here at Read Write Believe. I figure you're big kids and can do the clicky thing if you want to find out more about it. But I found this yesterday, and I...well...REJOICED is not too strong a word:
"Being gifted is awesome in some very real ways, but it also majorly sucks in some very real ways. Holmes really, truly got it. She absolutely nailed it." --- Read more of this review by Katie, who admits to once being a girl much like Rapunzel.
Thank you so much, Katie of PixiePalace. I'd be honored to meet you one day.*
And while I've got the horn out, I'm also pleased to announce that Tina Wexler of International Creative Management is my new agent. Huzzah!
*Full disclosure: I saw Letters From Rapunzel on PixiePalace's book wishlist several months ago. So I mailed her a copy, because she sounded like a cool person. But we've never met, and I didn't ask her to review it.
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Elizabeth, this is such a relevent topic for me and something I gave a lot of thought to last year. I'm still figuring it all out but getting closer. Interestingly, I spent a lot of time on a project that taught me what I didn't want to pursue. All valuable information.
I work as a staff writer and a columnist for a local weekly newspaper. My first magazine article will be published in a regional travel magazine this spring, as will a nonfiction essay in an anthology. My heart is in everything I write; I would dare say that I have more than one specialty. I write suspense novellas, too, but so far I have not had much success. If I have learned anything, it is to continue doing what makes me happy.
I chuckled when this post arrived in my email. I am the proud owner of that same book, which is only one of MANY on the craft of writing that I have collected over the years.
I write nonfiction and Christian fiction/romance, and one issue I constantly struggle with is having a multitude of ideas stored in my head and scribbled on various scraps of paper. Although I currently have four main projects in various stages of completion, there are others waiting in line for their turn at being the focus of my affection.
Life erects gigantic roadblocks to our writing time. People need us, want our undivided attention, circumstances interrupt us. Don't we selfishly wish we could take one solid month with no extraneous demands or distractions, rent a house or condo by the sea, and simply write?
Sometimes I wonder if I will actually live long enough to see each project that is partially knit together in my brain through to finalization!
Nothing makes my heart happier than having a block of time to sink my teeth into a writing project and then the reward of hearing someone say, "I loved your book" or "Your book inspired me to..." It's what we do because we are driven to educate, entertain, and inspire.