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Well, it's New Year's Eve and while I'd love to do a retrospective 'Year that Was...' I ain't gonna. At least, not yet. In the meantime, I'm all giddy about some writing stuff. First and foremost...

GOODHALO II - Is done! It's done, done, done! Well, at least the first draft anyway. It's length shattered any previous records held by any books that I've ever written. I'd originally thought: Aw, it'll be like 100,000 words. No sweat. That didn't happen. I bumped up my guesstimate to around 120,000 words. Nope. This baby clocks in at over 127,000 words. Yikes! It's like an epic! And while I'd love to say that that number will diminish with the 2nd and 3rd drafts, traditionally, that's not true with me. I tend to be an 'adder.' We'll see, I guess, next year when I work on the subsequent drafts. But, I'm really pleased with it. The story is complex, follows mulitple characters and brings some pretty cool plot twists (in my opinion) to the fold. I'm really excited to get it in fighting shape and begin work on the 3rd and final installment sometime next year.

Thomas, what're you nuts? You haven't even sold GOODHALO one yet. Heck, you don't even have an agent for it yet.

Maybe I'm a little crazy, but I decided long ago that I was gonna write the entire trilogy, book deal or not. If it sells or I get a kick-ass agent then all the better, but I'm sort of in the position where I just want to write what I'm passionate about, not just what is hip n' cool this week. I can't imagine leaving Pi where I left him at the end of this book without bringing his tale to a satisfying conclusion. That's just how I'm wired, yo.

So, regardless of GOODHALO I's fate, there will be a third book. No ifs, ands or butts about it.

Mount Rushmore - Got my hands on an early copy of my 2nd book over the weekend from my editor. It's due out in April, I think and is already listed on Amazon. It's here. They're goofy and have my name listed as Thomas K. Troupe. Yuck. I've contacted them and they're supposed to change it to my full name with the next day or so. I mean, really. The coolest part of my name, methinks, is my middle name. Ya know? Anyway, here's what the cover looks like!

Who ever would've thought I'd write a (gasp!) non-fiction picture book? And about Mount Rushmore, for cryin' out loud. Who? Not me! Regardless, I've gotten nothing but really strong feedback with how well it turned out. The editor said it's easily her favorite in the series. Sweet!

Here's something even sweeter...well, at least funnier.

Yep. It's my little bio, complete with an illustrated picture of yours truly. I cut off the illustrator part, which is below my blurb. I wasn't sure if Matthew Skeens wanted his illustrated moniker out in Bloggy-blog land. I can't decide if the picture looks like me. My wife was quick to inform me that the bio is already outdated. You know, since by the time this comes out, I'll have TWO sons. *sigh* Next book, next book.

Fact or Fiction: Trolls - Well, now that GOODHALO II is going on ice for a bit, I'm going to spend the next month (you know, between diaper changes and what-not with the new boy) working on the first of the three new books. They're supposed to be fun little books about mythical creatures and stuff. I'm doing one on trolls, one on elves, and the last will be about knights. One is due on February 1st and is meant to be a prototype for the series. I think it'll be a blast, but I'm already thinking...Dang, that's not too far away.

ANNA 2.0 - I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to get to work on the next draft of my little fast-draft book I wrote last October. I've often joked that it would be hilarious (as in, not at all) if this book ended up being the one that swept an agent off their feet and not the insane GOODHALO trilogy. My wife claims it's the best book she's read of mine (she still refuses to read Goodhalo or anything with zombies in it), but I know that and about $3 will get me a small coffee, which I wouldn't drink because I hate coffee. So, you know... Anyway, I'm hoping to get to work on ANNA 2.0 right away as it's been soooo long since I even looked at it.

That's all I've got for right now. Hope y'all have a rootin' tootin', pistol-packin' New Years!

See you in '09, doggs.

What it is, Tappers. What. It. Is.

So, I'm trying to set myself a goal for writing the much anticipated (well, I'M anticipating it!) next book in the GOODHALO series. And here is/are the catch(es):

1. I'm trying to get it drafted by the end of September.
2. I think it's going to be 100,000 words or so.
3. I haven't really given myself much of a break.
4. I have video games on my shelf STILL in the wrappers from 2 years ago.
5. Sometimes I don't feel like writing.

I did some quick number crunching of what I've written thus far and what I still need to kick out (which is about as complex math I can handle) and I figured out how many words I'd have to kick out EVERYDAY in order to meet my goal.

1,420 WORDS!

Is that doable? You gots to remember, I wrote the ENTIRE first draft of ANNA 2.0 in 31 days last SHOCKTOBER and that sucker clocked in at 75, 203 words. That was like...2426 words a day. How the heck did I pull that off? Seriously.

So...I think I can do it. I gots to do it. I need the distraction to keep me from constantly checking me e-mail for bad news and to keep myself going. With the impending arrival of Bebe #2 a scant six months away, I need to get some words on the screen...with a quickness.

When ol' Travis was born, I ceased production for around a year. It was really hard to do.

Let's see if I can practice what I preach: Write like the wind, don't look back and whatever you do for crying out loud...don't stop!

Ugh. Me and my big mouth.

So, I hit kind of a big landmark last night and I'm pretty excited about it.

Despite the urging from my Nintendo Wii to go out and play Super Mario Galaxy for an extra hour, I pushed through and hit the 100 page point on my editing/red-penning of GOODHALO. While that might seem like nothing to most (or all) of y'all, this is a big deal for yours truly.

Here's why (bulleted for ease of digestion)

• I write my 1st drafts in single-spaced 10 pt font. Why? Well, when I'm writing, I don't let myself feel like a couple of pages is that big of a deal. Think about it. If I kick out 5 pages, formatted the way I do it, it's really like 7.5 pages or more.
• I only have 58 pages left to edit. Thomas, you've written a 158 page fantasy-type story with zombies in it? That's like a pamphlet, dog! Haven't you been paying attention? When I reformat it for agents/publishers/people who want to read it, it'll clock in well over 340 pages. Not bad for Book One (of three).
• I'm REALLY looking forward to tossing the red pen aside and getting into what I call the 'punching up' portion of writing. If you were to poll me, I'd say the part about writing I like least is the red-lining (what I'm doing now). What do I like best? Writing the book, hands down. 'Punching it up' is a close second.
• Being at page 100 (and you should SEE how much I mark the pages up!) means I'm that much closer to drafting out GOODHALO II: FLIGHT OF THE FAMILIAR (working title) and eventually GOODHALO III: NAME OF THE FATHER (working, etc...)
• I hate to say it, but I sort of miss querying agents. Once GOODHALO is ready (and it'll be soon) it's time to set my baby free and see what will come from all this craziness.

Say...remember that book I wrote over the course of October? The novel I kicked out in 31 days during what I affectionately called SHOCKTOBER? If you need a refresher, it's on the sidebar under the title ANNA 2.0.

Yeah. That one.

Well, I haven't forgotten about that little beast and I had some spare time a Sunday ago and I pulled it out of my man-purse/satchel/Indiana Jones-looking bag and flipped it open to a random chapter. I was fully prepared to re-taste my breakfast at how bad it would be, but...

I was pleasantly surprised. Lest you forget, it's the story of a 16 year old girl who, despite her better judgement, helps her mom beta-test a suit of battle armor designed for police/SWAT team raids. She's a gymnast, sister, and boyfriend...three things I know absolutely nothing about.

Well, I'll be garsh-darned if the story isn't actually...pretty good. I talked about it with my fabulous new critique partner and I gave (what I thought was) a totally crappy pitch. I essentially said:

"It's like Iron Man, but with a kick-ass high school chick in the story. I never liked superheroes who were just BORN with powers, but really gravitated toward vulnerable characters who had to overcome something to become...great."

So, that's another bout of editing I've got lined up for sometime this year, which gave me the idea (and subsequent challenge I'm going to try):

I plan to draft out GOODHALO II while I red-pen the heck out of ANNA 2.0. I sort of want to be in the position by the end of this year to have:

• 2 Books ready to submit (GOODHALO & ANNA 2.o)
• At least 2 new books drafted (GOODHALO II & CALL ME CARP & ???)
• The time to finish my long-forgotten pet project (TRAVIS & THE MAGIC SANDBOX 3)

It could happen.

Punkfarmspace: How Social Networking is Transforming Fandom
by Cluck Roosterman

On Monday I wrote about how Punk Farm is quietly undermining the oppressive foundation of the corporate music industry. And while it is true that the creative force of the band is the engine that drives this movement, the deeper reality is that without their fans, Punk Farm would be stuck in neutral. Any great movement, needs a critical mass of support in order to gain the necessary momentum towards lasting social change.

So, does Punk Farm must have a critical mass of fans?

You have no idea.

As I followed the band on the road, I was struck by the hysteria that greeted us at each site. As a rock historian, I haven't seen a group of fans identify this closely with a band since the Phishheads of the early 90s... and before that, the Deadheads who followed the Grateful Dead all over the world. I couldn't wrap my chicken little head around this... how did a small underground farm band gain such a loyal and downright obsessive fanbase? How did the Punk Farm Nation come into being, let alone reach such a feverish pitch?

The answer was simple: Social Networking.

We are in the Age of MySpace and Facebook, an age where an army of similarly-minded people are but a few clicks away. Whereas before it could take years for an upstart band to gain any sort of traction, today you are just a cool website or a hipster doofus music video away from superstardom. People can debate the positives and the negatives of this evolution of human interaction, but there is no debating this: Social Networking is a force to be reckoned with.

The Punk Farm Nation started out with a few loyal fans but spread like wildfire with the launching of Punkfarmspace, a an on-line community where fans could convene to discuss their favorite thing: the music of Punk Farm.

This has had a revolutionary effect on the very nature of fandom. No longer are fans just anonymous faces in a crowd of adoring and screaming Beatlemaniacs. Through the power of these social networks, fans are no longer just observers, they shape the destiny of their favorite band by engaging in what is being dubbed "participatory fanhood."

But that's enough from me. I could go on for days, but rather than listen to me describe the Punk Farm Nation, I decided to do what any intrepid reporter would do and go straight to the source. So while Punk Farm was on stage, I waded through the crowds and interviewed some of the citizens of growing Punk Farm Nation. Here's a sample of what I found.

Fan 1: Isaiah (Colorado)

CR: As a Punk Farm uber-fan, do you ever worry that your adoration will undermine the punk rock spirit of the band? Is popularity at odds with punk rock?



Isaiah: N'aaaah. I wouldn't say. It's more of a movement than anything. As long as the dudes and dudettes of PF don't let all that love go to their heads, they'll be fine. They've been rocking the underground scene for so long now, if a little success goes their way, that's cool. As long as they keep true to their spirit and they continue to share that spirit with others, it's all good.


Fan 2: Shep (Wisconsin)

CR: Describe the experience of hearing Punk Farm for the first time. What is it about Punk Farm that appeals to you?






Shep: Oh man, oh man - I was there! I was there at one of their very first shows in Wisconsin. It blew my mind, shattered my sense of reality. I've seen every Punk Farm show since. And what appeals to me... What doesn't? The drumming, the bass....all the chicken feed you can eat!


Fan 3: Jesi (Texas)

CR: Has listening to Punk Farm had any effect on your relationship with your farmer?





Jesi: OMG - I like totally snuck out of the barn with my BFF to see the show when they were in town. The farmer caught us when we were trying to sneak back in and he made us do all this extra work. So yeah, it put a strain on us and now he has trust issues, but like - it's Punk Farm. I saw them live! I touched Pig, I took a picture with him! That's stuff I'll be telling my grandkids!

(Note: In this author's opinion, Jesi is definitely the frontrunner to win Pig's portrait in the Punk Farm Raffle. She's got #1 Pig Fan written all over her... literally. Seriously, I think she took a magic marker and wrote "#1 Pig Fan" all over her arms and hooves.)


Fan 4: Jerome (Maine)

CR: Is Punk Farm better recorded or live?





Jerome: Oh man, it's no comparison. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love PF's tracks and the sound that they are able to achieve in the studio, it's like putting a genie in a bottle, but you just can't fully replicate the experience in a recording. Seeing PF live is so wicked cool and I highly suggest it to any animal who may be reading this right now. You get to get your groove on with like minded individuals and just soak in the rock!


Fan 5: Tammy (Florida)

CR: If you could choose another band/artist for Punk Farm to collaborate with, which band/artist would that be?




Tammy: I listen to a lot of obscure bands, some stuff from overseas, so I'd love to see PF take a route less taken. What about Puffy Amiyumi? That would becool. Though they wouldn't understand each other. Or maybe the Groovie Ghoulies? I don't know. I just think it would be cool to see a collaboration no one would expect!

...and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Go to Punkfarmspace and you'll see that the Punk Farm Nation extends far beyond the fences of any barnyard, beyond any artificial boundaries... in fact, if I've learned anything on this long strange trip, it's this: Once the rock gets rolling, it cannot be stopped.

-CR

Cluck Roosterman is a renowned rock critic and best-selling author os Sex, Drugs, & Chicken Feed and Last One is a Rotten Egg: The Merciful Death of Glamrock. His newest book, Dark Meat Only: The Resurgence of Goth Culture will be released in the Spring.

Is Punk Farm the World's Most Dangerous Band?
by Cluck Roosterman



Cluck Roosterman here, reporting from the road with Punk Farm. I'm crammed into the back of the Rock Van, pecking away at my laptop. It's been a long strange trip. We started in Maine, zipped down I-91 to Miami, journeyed west to Texas and then finished the tour in Colorado. It's been a whirlwind to say the least. I don't want to go into detail, so I'll just say one thing about Sheep's driving: I'm glad I brought a large supply of Dramamine.

But I'm not here to tell you about life on the road. That was well chronicled in Punk Farm on Tour. My job as a reporter is to dig deeper and offer the broader cultural analysis that you don't hear at the water cooler or slop trough. So what don't you know about Punk Farm? How about this:

Punk Farm is the most dangerous band in the world.

This is not just overzealous reporter's hyperbole. It is a fact. Punk Farm strikes fear in the hearts of record executives everywhere. If you listen closely, you can hear them shaking in their designer Italian boots. Here's why.

A few months ago, the powerhouse band Radiohead made headlines by releasing their album, In Rainbows directly through their website, effectively cutting out all middle men (and/or middle women). They offered it essentially for free, allowing their fans to decide how much they wanted to pay (if at all). The gamble paid off and the band made a tidy profit off this revolutionary brand of optional capitalism. The press hailed it as a breakthrough in the struggle between artists and the exploitative music industry. The times, they are a'changin'.

However, Radiohead was not the first band to strike a blow against the corporate fat cats. Punk Farm had been releasing their music for free on their website for over a year now. Well before Radiohead shocked the mainstream media, Punk Farm rattled the nerves of record executives across the nation. It was such a shock to the music industry that legendary record mogul David Geffen released a cryptic memo in 2006 which simply read "Punk Farm must be stopped."

Last week I called up my good friend Naomi Klein, author of the anti-corporate No Logo and the anti-evil The Disaster Doctrine. She told me that she considered Punk Farm to be "the first truly anti-corporate band in the world. Most bands claim to be revolutionary, but they are really just amped-up collections of false bravado and simplistically inflammatory lyrics. Every band at heart is slave to their sales numbers. By releasing their music for free, Punk Farm broke free from those shackles and haven't looked back. Without the burden of financial compensation, they are free to create art in its purest form. Because they are not beholden to 'the man' is why they are the only band that can truly 'stick it to the man'. 'The Man' in this case being the corporate music industry... and Farmer Joe."

I was intrigued by this, so on our way from Colorado back to the farm (a trip made in record time... again, a big shout out to the makers of Dramamine), I took a minute to ask the band about their status as the most dangerous band in the world.



CR: Whose idea was it to release your music for free?

SHEEP: It was pretty much a mutual decision. I mean, we didn't really have any contacts at any record labels and we were picking up a decent Wi-Fi signal from one of our neighbors....so we just went with it.

COW: We wanted to get our music out there, you know? What is music worth if it doesn't have ears to listen to it?

CR: Did Radiohead contact you for advice before they released their album? Do you think Radiohead's new strategy has the potential to revolutionize the music industry?

GOAT: Thom Yorke and I are tight. We email. He wrote one day and was all, "Hey Goat, are you cool with us doing this?" And I was all like, "Whatever dude, whatever floats your boat." So Radiohead put their stuff out for free and got massive publicity for it.

CHICKEN: It might revolutionize the industry, but who knows? It sure is a nice thought, though.



CR: Aren't you the least bit tempted to go corporate and cash in on your popularity? Just imagine what you could do with those millions of dollars...

PIG: There are millions of dollars in CD sales? Seriously? Man, maybe we should see about...

SHEEP: Pig, come on man. Don't be so naive. There are millions of dollars to be made, but for the corporate big wigs. Not us little livestock.

CR: Since the animals are the ones that do all the real work, does Farmer Joe share any of his agricultural profits with you?

PIG: No, all we get is some stacks of hay and feed. Not even good feed, how about something with some spice to it? A little kick, a little something!

CR: I hear that you are raffling off original artwork this week. What will the money be used for?

SHEEP: Yes, this is true. We sat for portraits by artist Jarrett Krosoczka. The money raised is going to go to two places. Most of the money will go to this non-profit group called the Central Massachusetts Arts Assembly. This is a group that is important to our man Scott Cambot, and he produced our latest tracks. Another part of the money will go to paying for the costs of recording the music and to the people who make our songs possible. People like Scott, Thom, and Erik who tune our instruments and stuff.

CR: Whose painting do you think will raise the most money? Doesn't this have the potential to create tension between you all? Is there any behind the scenes betting going on between the band to see who can drum up the most interest?




PIG: Mine!












SHEEP: Oh, here we go!











COW: I don't know, I wouldn't underestimate the popularity of Goat.











GOAT: Oh shucks, I'm totally blushing, dude.










CHICKEN: People like chickens, don't they? I hope someone tries to win mine. Oh.....what if they don't? Oh....







PIG: I don't think it will cause any tension between us. Just as long as people understand that I will get the most tickets sold....

COW: Well, I don't plan on advocating, but if people would like to help boost my self-esteem...so be it!

CHICKEN: I'm not going to get any sleep all week....


To buy tickets for a chance to win one of these original band portraits (the ones pictured above), go to the Punk Farm Raffle website. And remember, rock memorabilia is a great investment. Clapton sold one of his guitars for $959,500 and he wasn't half the guitarist that Pig is. With the dollar being as weak as it is, this may be the last worthwhile investment opportunity of the decade.

As for who will raise the most money... based on my time with the band, the safe bet is for Pig to rake in the most cash, but I'm inclined to agree with Cow. My money is on Goat as the silent-but-deadly dark horse candidate.

Okay, that's it for now. If I don't stop typing now, I'm going to get sick all over the backseat of the Rock Van. For the rest of the Punk Farm Interview series, check out the BSB archives. And be sure to check back in on Wednesday for Part 2 in which I explore the social networking phenomenon known as punkfarmspace.

Until then: Rock on, Rock off, I don't care. As long as there is Rock involved.

-CR

by Cluck Roosterman

On Monday I sat down with Punk Farm as a group to ask them about their newfound fame. Today, I had the opportunity to take each member aside to get a little more personal... and to address some of the rumors that have been making their way through the internet and into the gossip magazines. Does Punk Farm care about these rumors? No, because they are punk. Do we care about these rumors? YES, because we are fans. It is our job to care. And so, I give you Part 2 of my interview: Punk Farm 1-on-1.


This question is for Goat: Who are your most prominent musical influences?

"There are so many. Jimmy Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Douglas Colvin, AKA Dee Dee Ramone…"

And what do you say to critics who say that punk rock began and ended with The Ramones?

"On one hand, that argument gives The Ramones the credit they deserve. On the other hand, it discredits too many good bands. I really don’t concern myself with such thoughts."


This question is for Pig: An anonymous source in Hollywood told BSB that you were originally chosen to play the lead in School of Rock (a role that eventually went to Jack Black), but that you turned down the part at the last minute. Is this true? And if so, do you regret that decision?


"You know, Hollywood is a rumor-mill. You can’t believe everything you hear. I took a few phone calls and that’s it. Good for Jack Black. I think he’s a brilliant actor and an even more brilliant musician. If I had landed the part, I wouldn’t be in this great band with my best friends, so no regrets."





For Chicken: Due to your subversive keyboard style, you are being hailed in the mainstream media as the Anti-John Tesh. Are you comfortable with that title?


"I’d rather be the Anti-John Tesh than the next John Tesh. If my keyboarding can cancel out the John Tesh-ness in the world to create a John-Tesh-neutral environment, I can die a happy hen."







For Cow: The drums are often considered to be the instrument that takes "the most guts" to play. Do you think the fact that you have 4 stomachs is a key to your success as a drummer? Or is it purely coincidental?


"Hmmm, I’ve never thought of it that way before. I would say that was coincidental, because I never think about any of my stomachs when I’m playing. There’s something primal about the beats, the bangs, the clashes… I’m able to release all of my pent up aggression."





For Sheep: Is there any truth to the rumor that Julian Casablancas (the lead singer of The Strokes) stole his look from you? If it is true, do you have any words for Julian?


"Julian. Hmph. I love Julian, I really do. I don’t know where he got his look. There are the rumors he stole his look from me, but I don’t concern myself with these things. I like to rock, Julian likes to rock. We met once and it was brief. Being the lead singer in a band can be stressful and I wish him the best."







This concludes the interview. I'd like to give one final shout out to Punk Farm's publicist, Jarrett Krosoczka for giving us time with the band... and for creating a diversion to distract Farmer Joe during the interview. As for me, Cluck Roosterman (for my bio, see Monday's post), I will be taking a brief sabbatical to work on my next book, Dark Meat Only: The Resurgence of Goth Culture. After that, the band and I hope to meet up again for another interview when they are on tour in the fall. Until then, Rock On.

by Cluck Roosterman

In April, Bottom Shelf Books wrote a review of Punk Farm... a review that was admittedly based mostly on rumors, hearsay, and conjecture. In an attempt to get to the truth, they sent their most awesome rock critic (me) out to track down the elusive Punk Farm and get the band's side of the story. I found them at their barn in Wisconsin prepping for their upcoming tour. Here is a partial transcript from the upcoming article, Barn Burning: A Conversation with Punk Farm.



(Cluck Roosterman is a renowned rock critic and best-selling author of Sex, Drugs, & Chicken Feed and Last One is a Rotten Egg: The Merciful Death of Glamrock. This is his first time interviewing Punk Farm.)



CR: Does the band's newfound fame leave you any time to do the normal everyday things that an animal does? Do you ever miss the simplicity of your pre-fame days?

SHEEP: Do I miss coming out of the barn at midnight without all of the flashing lights – yeah, sometimes. But do I want to put down my microphone? No way!
GOAT: You know what is an animal supposed to do anyhow? It’s all just society’s way of trying to hold us back.
COW: I want to make art, not just give milk. Fame is the trade off. It’s the sacrifice we make as artists.
CHICKEN: Look, if I wanted to live my life laying eggs, I wouldn’t be in this band.

CR: A recent article in SPIN Magazine said that your most recent concert "blew the roof off the barn." Was that just a figure of speech or did the roof actually get blown off? If it was, who is going to pay for the damages?

PIG: Oh man! That was a crazy show! Just outside of Wheatland…
SHEEP: It was Kenosha.
PIG: Right, Kenosha. Anyways, yeah it was nuts!
COW: There was so much rock, just so much ROCK, the pressure sent the roof flying!
[At this point, a horse in a suit enters the room and whispers in Sheep’s ear.]
SHEEP: Actually, our lawyer has advised us not to discuss details of this event. Next question, please.


Left: The Infamous Kenosha Concert. Police have yet to locate the roof of the barn. Eyewitnesses last claim to have seen it somewhere over Des Moines.




CR: How has Farmer Joe reacted to your success? Do you see him as a threat to your career, or does he merely provide fuel for the fire that rages within Punk Farm?

SHEEP: Whoa, whoa whoa, WHOA! Keep it down! Farmer Joe doesn’t know a thing and that’s how we intend to keep it.
GOAT: Yeah man, don’t blow up our spot!
SHEEP: Farmer Joe has been very good to us. He feeds us, he provides a place for us to play…he shovels our poop…
PIG: Yeah, but Farmer Joe also expects us to work. He has very high expectations of us and sometimes I feel like we’re never good enough for him. I mean how can we work when we rock all night long? I think the guy needs to chill.
CHICKEN: If Farmer Joe ever found out we were even giving this interview, he’d be so mad. And he’s a pretty even guy, but I don’t want to send him over the edge, ya know?
COW: It would be like his whole world would just come crashing down around him. We’re all he’s got.
SHEEP: So I guess it’s a catch 22. In many ways, yeah he is a bit of a threat to our career. He would shut down this Punk Farm party so quickly.

CR: As Punk Farm prepares to go on tour, is there any worry that leaving the farm will be detrimental to the band's creative flow?

SHEEP: Sure, there will always be that fear. We need to continue to write, but we also need to get out there and play for our fans. This is going to be an important tour for us. It’s our first.
PIG: I can’t wait to get out there and meet some of the fans in person!
GOAT: I’m pretty psyched to see the country. I’ve never been outside of Wisconsin before.
CHICKEN: There’s so much at stake. What if no one likes our new music? What if I mess up when I’m playing the keyboards?! This whole tour thing stresses me out!

CR: What do you see in Punk Farm's future?

COW: Rock, rock, and then more rock.

CR: Do you think it is possible to have mainstream success and maintain true to your punk roots?

[Everyone looks to Sheep]

SHEEP: I’ll take this one. Yes. We decided early on that if success came before the rock, then that was it. Punk Farm would cease to exist. So Punk Farm will always exist as an entity that will remain true to its punk roots. If we had a million dollars in the bank and we didn’t need to live on this farm, if farm animals were allowed to open up bank accounts in the first place, we would still maintain the attitude of - we love to rock, we’re here to rock, now get out of the way so we can rock. Sure, there will be haters. There will always be haters.
PIG: Let them hate, let us rock.
SHEEP: Exactly.
PIG: You go whine in the corner, I’m plugging in my amp.
SHEEP: Yup.
PIG: It’s like, go crying all you want, hate, hate, hate, I’ll be playing my guitar so hard, I won’t even care.
SHEEP: OK, I think they get it.


"...Punk Farm will always exist as an entity that will remain true to its punk roots... we love to rock, we’re here to rock, now get out of the way so we can rock."




TO BE CONTINUED: Check back on Wednesday, when we get up close and personal with your favorite banyard rebels with some one-on-one questions.


----------------------------------------------

A big thanks to Punk Farm and their publicist, Jarrett Krosoczka (left) for letting us backstage for this interview. Be on the lookout for Punk Farm On Tour, which comes out in October and the Punk Farm rockumentary that is being produced by Dreamworks. Critics are already raving, saying that "What Ratatouille did for food, Punk Farm will do for music. Prepare to be blown away."


You can read more about Punk Farm and download their music at their website, or you can visit them at work in Studio JJK.

Author: Davide Cali
Illustrator: Eric Heliot

Piano Piano is an energetic story about a young boy (with an unhealthy addiction to hair gel) who is forced by his mother to practice piano so that he can grow up to be a grand pianist. Cali displays a quirky sense of humor and truly captures the emotional distress of being made to practice an instrument against your will. (As someone who once cried rather than practice Pachelbel's Canon, I can speak from experience.) It soon becomes obvious that the boy's mother is attempting to atone for her own childhood disappointments by forcing her son to succeed where she failed. Tsk, tsk.

Boundaries regarding parental control over their child has always been a difficult issue. In fact, it is at the heart of the debate surrounding one of the United States' most ignominious distinctions--according to UNICEF, there are only 2 countries that have not signed onto the Convention on the Rights of the Child: the United States and Somalia.

Somalia has not signed on because it does not have a recognized government. That's a decent excuse. This is not the case in the United States. Here in the good ol' U.S. of A. we recognize our government. We recognize it as a conglomeration of talking heads backed by the deep pockets of corporate interest and led by a condescending idiot... but we do recognize it.

It came as a surprise to me that one of the forces preventing the U.S. from ratifying this convention is a powerful opposition lobby that is afraid that the Convention will undermine the rights of the parents in the parent-child relationship.

Now, I haven't read the Convention thoroughly, so this may be oversimplifying things... but this is bulldoodoo. How is it possible that we are only country of note who refuses to sign this? And is there really an anti-child rights lobby?!



What we need is an outside voice of reason to straighten things out. In Piano Piano the wise grandfather steps in and acts as the calming force that leads the family towards a common sense resolution. Who can the United States turn to help it come to its senses?

Nelson Mandela and the Council of Elders, that's who!

I just read about this in the Washington Post the other day and have been giddy ever since. Nelson Mandela has been holding meetings on a remote, privately-owned island to form a group of retired global leaders who will be able to tackle world problems unfettered by the burden of national or international politics.

The international council will be chaired by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and will include such stalwarts as former U.S. president Jimmy Carter, former UN secretary general Kofi Annan, women's rights champion Ela Bhatt, longtime children's rights advocate (and Mandela's wife) Graca Machel; and Microcredit Superstar/Nobel Peace Prize winner Muhammad Yunus, among others.

How freakin' cool is that? It sounds like something straight out of a comic book... like the Justice League on Metamucil. To make it even more like a comic book, the council is funded by an eccentric egomaniacal billionaire (Richard Branson). This leaves the door open for a plot twist where Branson turns out to be an evil genius who is using the Council of Elders as part of his twisted plan to take over the world.

"Can the Council of Elders foil Branson's evil plan before it's too late? Tune in next week when the Dalai Llama and the ghost of Mother Teresa attempt to rescue the Elders, who are being held hostage in Branson's secret island lair!"

Whatever happens, there is no denying that the world just seems cooler and more epic now that there is something called the Council of Elders in existence. Even if all they do is hang around playing shuffleboard and watching reruns of Matlock, it still sounds cool as hell.

Though, if they knew what was good for them, Matlock would already be on the Council... along with the Wonder Twins: Amma the Hugging Saint and the elder statesman of hip-hop, Chuck D.

Note from Mandela: If Flava Flav calls to ask about his seat on the council, tell him his invitation must have been, umm... lost in the mail. Sorry Foofy Foofy, there's just no room left... now go back to your love nest at Vh-1 headquarters, you silly silly peanut man.

Author/Illustrator: Mo Willems

"Oooooh! A hot dog! Yummy! Yummy! Yummy!"

Uh oh. This is not good.

As Willems (the Hemingway of children's entertainment) showed us in Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!, our loveable pigeon is famous for his lack of restraint. In order to keep the Pigeon's covetous ways under control, Willems famously broke down the 3rd wall to put YOU in charge of keeping the pigeon from getting behind the wheel. You proved to be more than up to the task... but your job is not done.

Now that the pigeon has gotten his first taste of a devilishly delectable hot dog, you are going to be called back into duty for Willem's next book: Don't Let the Pigeon Enter Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Competition!

Pigeon's lack of self restraint is most likely indicative of an addictive personality. This insatiable quality coupled with his quirky appetites would make Pigeon a formidable foe for defending champion Joey Chestnut and Japanese superstar Takeru Kobayashi.


Left: America Back On Top of the Food Chain
Joey Chestnut's recent victory over Kobayashi is simultaneously being hailed in the media as a sign of the preeminent gluttony of American culture and as our greatest international triumph since World War II. USA! USA! USA!


It is up to you to stop the Pigeon for his own good. Life on the competetive eating circuit is no picnic (Pun intended. I apologize.) Traveling from county to county, gorging yourself on hotdogs, boiled eggs, and sea urchin ice cream may sound like heaven on earth, but it quickly becomes a living nightmare. Ask any professional eating veteran and they will tell you that gastronomic glory is not worth the price of admission.

Plus, as a hot dog fan myself, the concept of a hot dog eating competition displays a disturbing lack of respect for food. The point of food is nourishment, the joy of a hot dog in savoring each bite... not scarfing down as many as possible to the point of vomitting or hospitalization. And who the heck dips their hot dog buns in water?! These people obviously do not love hot dogs, they love the fame and the glory. And it makes me sick.

Pigeon found a hot dog and it is the greatest thing in the world. Keeping him out of the hot dog eating competition may deprive him of the perverse fame of victory, but it will preserve his love of food and his innocence... if you are a real friend, you will stop him at all costs.

So if you see him about to eat another hot dog, do the right thing. Take it away from him and... give it to me! Me! Give It To ME!!!

It's the right thing to do.

I swear.

Yummy! Yummy! Yummy! Gimee! Gimee! Gimee!!!

Author: Alec Sillifant
Illustrator: Mike Spoor

After decades of silence, Sillifant finally takes it upon himself to pick up the torch and continue the story that began with George Orwell's Animal Farm. When we left the Animal Farm last, it was under the corrupt rule of Napoleon the pig's Stalin-esque regime. The pigs in power had begun to wear clothes and had become virtually indistinguishable from their authoritarian human counterparts. Having departed from their socialist roots, the farms adopts the philosophy of "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."

Farmer Ham is a direct descendent of Napoleon the Pig. Having inherited the farm from his lineage of revolutionary ancestors, he now rules his domain with an iron fist and is known for his ruthless tactics. Indeed, an underground newspaper gave him the name Farmer Ham because of his willingness to brutally eliminate any opposition, even cannibalistically disposing of those within his closest inner circle. Ironically, he liked the name and (after destroying the newspaper and imprisoning its employees), he proudly adopted it as his own and referred to himself as Farmer Ham from that day forward. It was the perfect name... the kind of perverse moniker that inspires the fear necessary to maintain order and give revolutionaries reason to pause.

The original Animal Farm was a thinly veiled story about the Soviet Union that warned against the dangers of totalitarian government and the inevitable cycle of corruption that comes hand in hand with power. ("When it comes to revolutionaries, trust only the sad ones. The enthusiastic ones are the oppressors of tommorrow." -William Vollman) This newest installment reminds us that no power is absolute--that there will always be challengers to the throne and that power is a luxury that must be maintained with meticulous precision. To illustrate this point, Sillifant presents Farmer Ham's totalitarian regime with a familiar nuisance: anarchists.

Represented by a gaggle of unruly crows, Farmer Ham's government is challenged by a band of rowdy nihilists who refuse to bow down to his authority. This dangerous here is obvious, as a few successful rebels can infect an otherwise submissive populace, and the next thing you know, you have a revolution on your hands. Farmer Ham knows that he must act quickly and decisively to quell the uprising. To do so, he recruits and trains an elite force of brutes known as the Scarecrow, a shadowy arm of law enforcement that has imperial permission to use whatever tactics they deem necessary. With the terrifying Scarecrow patrolling the fields, the dangerous anarchist element is quickly scattered to the winds.

So Farmer Ham's reign of terror lives another day... but how long can he maintain his stranglehold on the farm before he is toppled from his lofty perch? Today it's anarchist crows, tomorrow it may be socialist moles sprouting up from the ground, or capitalist pigs preaching their free market mumbo jumbo... no, it is only a matter of time before someone rises up against the oppressive Farmer Ham and decides that it's time to bring home the bacon.

And on his farm he had a coup, ee ii, ee ii, oooooooooo...

Author/Illustrator: Christoph Niemann

This story starts out with a happy little cloud with dreams of being a police officer. With the help of his friend the police helicopter (as they say, it's not what you know, it's who you know), the cloud secures a position with the police force. The cloud's dream has come true! Oh happy day!

Unfortunately, while a dream deferred may shrivel up like a raisin in the sun, a dream realized often deflates and withers away like a balloon in an outhouse. In a series of regrettable events, the cloud realizes that he is not suited for police work and eventually has to leave the force.

His dreams shattered, he roams the skies, sobbing uncontrollably... when he happens to pass over a burning house. As luck would have it, his tears put out the fire. Huzzah! The story ends with the cloud finding his true calling. He joins the fire department and lives happily ever after.

Or does he?

Yes, he is the new hotshot in the fire department... but at what cost? The problem is that his greatest assets are his tears. His level of productivity is directly proportional to his misery. In order to remain useful to the fire department, he must sacrifice his happiness and live in a perpetual state of sadness. Whenever a call comes into the department, the other firefighters tell him sad stories about condensation, make fun of his weight (calling him cruel names like Tubby Cumulus)... anything to produce the tearful precipitation that they need to put out the fire.

This type of existence is borderline unbearable and the Cloud finds himself in the unenviable position of having to choose between:

a) living a useful life as a productive member of society but being stuck in a viscious cycle of unending sadness, or

b) floating through life without a care in the world, but being practically worthless to society.

This is a difficult decision, but one that many people face (most painfully on Monday mornings). Do we chose to continue the office job that pays the bills even though work life seems highly detrimental to our mental well-being? Or do we say, "Screw the office!" tear down the cubicle walls, and take to the open air--free (and poor) as a bird?

Being a dutiful employee, the Cloud will probably decide to stick with the job as long as he can... that is until the psychological distress overwhelms him and he goes on a rampage, flinging lightning bolts and hail all over an unsuspecting city. His friend the police helicopter tries his best to calm him down, but to no avail. All of his old colleagues at the police force do their best to catch the rampaging storm cloud, but before they can reign him in he just... evaporates into thin air.

Just like that, he is gone and the city is safe again... but for how long? It is only a matter of time until the disgruntled cloud returns and pelts us with the salty tears of his rage, reminding us that a good-paying job is not worth the price of your soul.