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We usually visit our Minneapolis relatives in late August and one of the highlights is our traditional trip to the Minnesota State Fair, which is surely the epitome of the American Fair - enormous warehouse-like barns holding hundreds of cows, pigs, horses, fowl, and llamas, every kind of food on a stick possible (usually deepfried - have you every tried bacon wrapped around a hardboiled egg, dipped in batter, and deepfried? Neither have I), and of course the life-sized butter sculptures of the year's Dairy Queen and her court (carved in a rotating glass-walled freezer while you watch!).

Our MN trip was in early July this year, so to satisfy our fair jones, my daughter and I spent Sunday of Labor Day weekend at the LA County Fair. It had been quite a few years since our last visit, and I remembered it as being a fairly respectable fair - no Minnesota State Fair, of course, but certainly up to snuff as these things go.

I don't think my memory is completely faulty - things have changed at the LA County Fair, and not for the better. However, it's always best to start off with the good stuff.

Good stuff:
1. Plenty o' parking - this is LA County, after all! Got to have parking.

2. A really huge Ferris wheel right next to the main entrance, just right for getting your bearings.



3. One of the most amazing outdoor miniature railroad set-ups I have ever seen. Huge, meticulously decorated, and run by obsessed men in engineer's caps (who will happily explain anything you need to know), there were dozens of trains. Thrillingly, there was even a steampunk train!



4. An hilly, grassy, shady nook at the southern end of the fairgrounds, which for some reason this year features some ostriches, a baby zebra, a couple of camels, and two zebus. Not many people make their way to this part of the fair, which is the perfect place to decompress.

Alright, on to the not-so-good stuff:
1. Only one smallish animal barn, which was (as you can imagine) stuffed to the gills with all the folks wanting to see some real live animals. Not dead, chopped-up, and deep-fried animals (which were to be had at most food stands), but the mooing, oinking, baaing kind. It was so packed that I didn't even try to enter. VERY disappointing, especially after my Minneapolis sis had just posted all her Fair photos, filled with baby pigs and fluffy bunnies and soulful llamas.

2. Only one small hall filled with the stuff (baked goods, art, sewing projects, canned goods, etc) folks had entered in contests. I seem to remember there being more of this in years past. Luckily, the table settings were front and center, and Nadia and I spent a long time gazing at them in wonderment.

3. Too much stuff to buy! This was really horrifying - there are something like 9 "halls" at the LA County Fair, and every last one of them was stuffed with booths of folks selling the stuff you see advertised on television late at night. There is nothing more depressing than row upon row of miracle cleaners, devices that make your hair pouf up in front, and shoe inserts. At least a few of those halls used to contain the contest exhibitions (one of my favorites was always kids' collections - bottle caps, hotel soap, hot wheels, Harry Potter stuff, that kind of thing) and exotic bunnies and fowl. Once, my other daughter Vivian and I tried to win a small and gorgeous hen in a raffle. We didn't win - but man, was that fun. Now it's all about shopping - like we don't get enough opportunity to do that anyway.

4. The Fair food is unimaginative. No Australian battered potatoes, no Scotch eggs, no Mocha on a Stick - just bbq, hot dogs, pizza, and the occasional deep-fried Snickers or frog legs. We did feast on some delicious freshly made potato chips, however, and of course you can never go wrong with soft ice cream and corn on the cob.

We had plenty of fun, Nadia and I, especially once we discovered the ostriches. However, ostriches are no substitute for baby pigs. Next year, I'm going back to the Fair of Fairs in Minnesota.

Yo, yo. What it is, Tappers.

So, looks like I took the month of August off from the bloggy blog. Sorry 'bout that. Heck, let's face it. You haven't been reading anyway. You've been busy with summer, updating your own blogs and you know...doing your own thing.

I get it. I do.

Well, I wish I could say that I'm done with GOODHALO'S mammoth revision, but I'm not. It's sloooow going, what with the other books I'm actually getting paid to write and the whole 2 other jobs and a family thing. My window of opportunity to get stuff done is small every night. Throw in the occasional late-night fire call and well...I'm shooting for the end of September to wrap this thing up.

Anyway, that's not why we're here. My family and I went out to the biggest money vaccum in the greater Twin Cities. I'm talking about the Minnesota State Fair.

It's a tradition that we go every year and this one was no exception. I won't bore you with a blow by blow, but the wackiest stuff happened about 10 minutes in.

As you know by now, I've now got two sons: Travis (4.5 years) and Jake (8 months). Since we've never been to the Fair with Jake, we had to bring a double-stroller that we had given to us from someone Laura knows from work. Her name might be Bernice, or Betty. I think it starts with a 'B.' Doesn't matter.

This thing is pretty beat up and smelled like an ashtray in a cigar factory's restroom. We aired it out, wiped it down and have used it plenty of times. We noticed one of the wheels looked a little funky, but we didn't think much of it. We were ready to roll toward deep fried goodness on a stick.

Travis & Jake, decked in their Minnesota best, ready to taste the fair.

We paid the ridiculous price of $22 to get into the fair, which to me seems criminal. Think about it. You're going in there to buy untold amounts of crap. The least they could do is let you in for free. But $11 a person? (kids were free) Can't help but feel like we took it in the shorts.

If that wasn't enough...

Old double stroller...we hardly knew ye.

You can't keep the Troupes down. No sir. Not when there's deliciousness to be had.

Travis zeroes in on the Mini Donuts, while Jake wonders where the hell we are.

A little while later, we're enjoying sugary delights and I can smell the bacon. For some reason (as my Facebook friends can attest) I've been jonesin' for the giant bacon they had last year. This year, the scent seemed to waft all the way out to Woodbury and I've been salivating ever since. Behold, the Excalibur of Bacon.

You don't need to remind me how dorky it is to wear a shirt
that shows my excitement for bacon. I know.

Anyway, here a quick run-down of the rest of the day:

We saw some cows.

These cows were resting.

Travis and I went on the Giant Slide (not pictured).

He posed for a shot just outside the slide's exit.

Travis pensively considering what ride he'd like to try next.

Jake enjoyed a bottle with about 4 horses butts less than 10 feet from him.

Best. Life. Ever.

We got our traditional Photo Booth black n' white pictures taken.

Travis went on some bumper boat thing.

A rare shot where Travis wasn't spinning out of control in the middle of Carny Lake.

Travis and I went into a funhouse (LAME), and he wanted to go again. (we didn't)

Travis then went on an Atomic Drop-type thing. I think that's what it was called.

No one wanted to sit by the boy on the end. I think his name was Stinky.

And I think he had fun.

Travis waving his hands in the air, like he just doesn't care.

From there, the day went somewhat south. We were hungry and our tolerance levels were beginning to wane. I had to wait for some chicken tenders that took FOREVER to make. We had to make a mad dash across a football field length of slow-moving food grazers to a bathroom. We had ice cream cones that melted. Jake melted down a bit and fell asleep in our arms. And then we had the LONG walk back to our car (sans wagon).

All in all? A pretty good day. Not sure how people can go more than once a year, but that's just me.

*sigh* Sad that this post constitutes the newest writing I've done in a while. It was a nice break from revising, but I can already hear the undead calling me. Calling me back.

Until next time, Tappers.

Your lovin',

TKT