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At Avidly:

Cleary is just one example of an author who wrote for a certain age range, but whose writing can benefit and engage the ages beyond. As a kid reader, Mr. and Mrs. Quimby’s worries about money and jobs and childcare was brushed aside by me as “boring parent stuff,” because while Cleary was validating the idea that all kids worry about their parents on some level and while her books could be a way for kids to talk to their parents about these anxieties, I just wanted to get back to Ramona putting burrs in her hair. Now, as an adult re-reader of Beverly Cleary, those bits of the books that I pushed aside as a kid are almost too painful to read as a parent.

And now I want to re-read the whole series.

Strike that, now I want to re-read EVERY SINGLE CLEARY BOOK.

Headlines from Nancy Drew #12:

Girl enters radio contest on whim, wins tract of land! IN CANADA!

Intrepid young sleuth helps old lady cross street; carries her suitcase!

River Heights overrun by Canadians, some of them crooks!

Girl detective receives answer to message... BEFORE EVEN SENDING IT!

In a sudden burst of activity after eleven books of avoiding physical exertion, Bess Marvin CLIMBS A TREE!

Continuing the trend of Bizarro Sidekick Behavior, George Fayne shrieks in fear!

Posse rides in; posse rides out!

Carson Drew dispatches word... telepathically? Via carrier pigeon? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW!

Teenage girl blows up power-generating dam and floods entire valley, no one takes issue with her!

Opening scene:

• As you may have gathered from the headlines, Nancy enters a radio contest (for the first time ever) and wins. A tract of land. In Canada. That might be full of gold. Because Nancy.
• Even though Canada is the SECOND LARGEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, said piece of land JUST SO HAPPENS to be located right next to some land related to her father's current case. Because Carson.
• Of course, Nancy wants to go and check out her land, but needs an "older person" (<--Carson's words) to go with her. LUCKILY, Carson's client ALSO coincidentally has a friend coming in to town who ALSO has a place in the vicinity of her land and so CAN DO THAT VERY THING.

In River Heights:

• Five minutes later, Nancy's on her way to see Bess and George to invite them along. Seeing an older lady struggling to haul a heavy suitcase across the road, Nancy does what Nancy does best and TAKES ACTION. She not only carries the suitcase across the street, but offers to wait with it outside the bank while the lady goes in to "get change for a twenty". Because Olden Days.
• A "dapper man in his late thirties" drives up, claims to be the lady's grandson, takes the suitcase, and drives off!
• The lady, of course, doesn't have a grandson. Nancy waves down a nearby police officer, and at first he and the old lady seem to suspect HER. Of course, once she pulls the DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM routine, they back off.
• A FULL TEN MINUTES LATER, NANCY DECIDES WAITING FOR BACK-UP WILL JUST TAKE TOO LONG, SO SHE ENGAGES IN A HIGH SPEED CAR CHASE TO RETRIEVE THE STOLEN SUITCASE. And yes, OF COURSE she succeeds in A) CATCHING UP WITH HIM, and B) getting him to pull over, and yes, OF COURSE the crowd believes her when she makes her case!

A brief moment of non-snark:

Yes, Nancy is ridiculously lucky, beautiful, wealthy, has a hard-to-conceive-of number of skills, and her detecting skills probably wouldn't carry over very well into the real world. But that's not why we love her: We love her because she never gives up, never gives in, never says die. She always puts others before her, and while she has a tendency to judge by appearances, to be fair, she IS almost always right.

Okay, back to River Heights!

• The old lady recognizes the suitcase thief as Tom Stripe, a "mean and low-down" man who has caused problems for her in the past! Also, she is from Canada! And is now Nancy's friend for life! AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT SHE'S CARSON'S CLIENT'S FRIEND AND ABOUT TO BECOME NANCY'S CHAPERONE! (I bet you TOTALLY didn't see that coming!)
• It should be noted that Bess has to be talked out of bringing all of her best dresses along on a multi-week camping trip.
• While Nancy and Carson are having dinner at his client's house, NANCY GETS A PHONE CALL FROM SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BUY HER LAND. Because that's how business is done: By calling people while they are ATTENDING DINNER PARTIES AT OTHER PEOPLES' HOUSES.

The next day:

• Nancy is accosted by a young man with a "sophisticated smile" wearing clothes that "cut far too elegant an appearance for River Heights". DANGER ZONE! Surprise, surprise, Raymond Niles wants to buy her land. ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS THIS: WHERE'S NED? HE DOESN'T GET A SINGLE MENTION IN THIS BOOK. Poor old Ned. It can't be easy being that boring.
• Nancy tells Carson about this Niles character—who, by the way, OUT-AND-OUT THREATENED HER—and this is his response: "It seems to me we ought to let the matter rest for a while. In any event, you will be rid of this fellow in a few days, for soon you'll be on your way to Canada." YES, CARSON. BRILLIANT LOGIC. DUDE THREATENS YOUR DAUGHTER, SO IT'S A GOOD THING THAT SHE'S HEADED OFF TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE... BECAUSE IT'S NOT AT ALL LIKELY THAT THE GUY KNOWS WHERE THE LAND HE WANTS TO BUY WOULD BE LOCATED, RIGHT?
• Meanwhile, Hannah Gruen doesn't like the idea of the girls gallivanting off to "foreign places". Because Canada.

Two days later:

• Hannah, who is only suspicious when it suits the plot, lets Raymond Niles into the house and he ALMOST SUCCEEDS in stealing Nancy's property deed.
• At this point, you'd think that Carson would, like, register the deed or make a copy of it or do whatever lawyer-y thing you do with these things, but no. Because the Drews have a lot of great qualities, but logic isn't one of them.
• Tom Stripe is out of prison, and it was Raymond Niles who posted his bail! They are, as Nancy puts it, "friends and crooks"!

On the train to Wellington Lake:

• Remember the radio contest that started this adventure? Well. To win it, Nancy had to name a mystery serial... and on the train, Nancy runs into Ann Chapelle, the author of said mystery serial! 
• Miss Chapelle has a Secret Sorrow, though for someone with a Secret Sorrow, she's quite open about it. In fact, she was about to spill the beans to Nancy WHEN THE TRAIN CRASHED AT THAT EXACT MOMENT.
• YES, THE TRAIN CRASHED. LIKE, ALL OF THE CARS, OFF OF THE TRACK.
• Nancy bumps her elbow! George is buried under a pile of chairs! Bess goes pale! Random passenger breaks his leg! Tom Stripe and Raymond Niles were spotted shortly before the crash! The train catches on fire! Miss Chapelle and the chaperone are missing!

At a hotel:

• The girls hole up and wait for news. In the middle of the night, Nancy wakes up and discovers Bess sleepwalking. On the window ledge. So Nancy, being the quick-thinker that she is, GRABS A COIL OF ROPE (because they're generally lying around in hotel hallways), and, just as BESS FALLS OFF OF THE LEDGE, LASSOS HER BEFORE SHE HITS THE GROUND. (Yes, she credits her Shadow Ranch adventure for the ability.)
• As if that wasn't ENOUGH ACTION FOR THE NIGHT, it turns out that Bess, while sleepwalking, took the deed to Nancy's land and dropped it outside.
• Sure enough, George pops her head out the window and sees a dude walking off with it. But they don't pursue him because... THAT WOULD MAKE TOO MUCH SENSE?

The next day:

• They receive word that both the author and the chaperone are at the hospital.
• Nancy stops by the newspaper to place an ad about her lost deed... and discovers that someone has already left her a letter, instructing her to call at Ranny farm, six miles away.
• The girls check in with the ladies at the hospital, and Ann Chapelle is A) convinced she's going to die and B) manages to say, "The message—in the hollow oak—" before passing out. So that's helpful.
• Our Girl Wonders rent a jalopy—it's so decrepit that even Our Nancy needs a lesson in starting the engine—and they head out to the farm, promptly get a flat tire, and then they get lost because they don't know how far they've gone because "the speedometer was broken" even though HELLO, unless Nancy's got Bess and George doing constant Distance = Rate x Time math problems, it's the odometer that matters. 
• ANYWAY, for whatever reason, they decide to leave the car and hike across a pasture to a nearby farm, but Bess is wearing a red sweater, which enrages the bull (*coughbullsarecolorblindcough*), and it charges them and they almost die but then the farmer opens the fence for them and it turns out he's Farmer Ranny himself. HOW SURPRISING.

I'm going to fast-forward here, because good lord, I'm only up to page, like, 60.

• SO. Farmer Ranny's wife has a long-standing feud with the chaperone. Because gold. Or land. Or something.
• The Rannys are ALSO the parents of Norman Ranny, Ann Chapelle's long-lost love, who she used to pass messages with via the Hollow Oak and who she ran away from home to elope with except he never showed up, the jerk.
• Thinking she's about to die, Ann Chapelle gets Nancy to make a promise to A) find her Grandfather Chap and apologize for running away and B) find Norman Ranny and tell him that she loves him. Or something.

Canada, FINALLY:

• There's a story in the local paper about A STRANGER almost getting creamed by a falling branch from the OAK tree he was sitting under, because THAT'S NEWSWORTHY IN CANADA. (<--I'm from Maine. That would totally make the paper in my town. Anyway.) 
• The girls get outfitted in "riding breeches and knee-high shoes" (known as BOOTS in more succinct circles) and HEAD OFF INTO THE WILDERNESS WITH PETE ATKINS, GUIDE EXTRAORDINAIRE.

Fast-forwarding again, because their adventures in the wilderness are ENDLESS:

• Almost immediately, they run into Tom and Ray, who are terrible at canoeing.
• Tom and Ray try to strand the girls in the wilderness (...with the best guide in the area, that'll show 'em!), but, after a brief struggle, end up neck-deep in the lake while Nancy & Co. paddle away. Tom Stripe, logical as ever, vows revenge on them even though he was the one who started it.
• Ray, not unlike that jewel thief in The Facts of Life Down Under, has developed QUITE THE CRUSH ON NANCY.
• The crooks, miserable and soaking wet and in the middle of nowhere, run into NORMAN RANNY, because of course they do. 
• Norman, it turns out, thinks that Ann is dead. Because these are the things you should assume to be true without proof.
• Tom and Ray tie Norman up and throw him into Grandfather Chap's fruit cellar. No, not root cellar, FRUIT CELLAR. Because that's what they call it.
• Nancy, while exploring a nearby abandoned mill, is "...impelled by some impulse which she could not explain..." to look through a crack in the wall, sees Tom Stripe in the house. Seriously, I don't know how she'd solve mysteries if she was slightly less lucky.
• Once our heroines take over the house, Bess and George become convinced that it's haunted due to the moans coming from the FRUIT CELLAR.
• Nancy, brave girl that she is, heads down there and returns... WITH A CAT.
• THEY ALL LAUGH MERRILY ABOUT THAT.
• The moans continue, causing Bess to FAINT, AND PETE HAS DISAPPEARED, so it's up to Nancy to head down there again... which she does, AND FINDS ANOTHER CAT BUT ALSO, THANKFULLY, NORMAN.
• Nancy jumps to the conclusion that Pete abandoned them, which seems like a REALLY LOGICAL ASSUMPTION, considering how there are bad guys around who have it in for him.
• The girls—who have now adopted Norman as the requisite adult male in their party—stay the night with a trapper and his wife, enjoy some banjo music (yes, really), tell said trapper and his wife about the big city (yes, really), and then Pete shows up all beat up because, duh, of course Tom jumped him.
• I told you it was endless. I'm going to have to read the '70s revision to see if they tightened it up.
• ANYWAY, panning for gold on Nancy's land, they all get a nugget (except Bess, but Nancy gives her one so she doesn't whine), and Norman strikes a vein in the very first spot that he swings his pickaxe. Because that's how things roll around Nancy Drew.

ENTER THE EVIL MINING COMPANY:

• A plane lands, and a bunch of evil miners arrive. Nancy realizes she and her crew are outnumbered, so she PAYS THE PILOT TO TAKE HER AND HER FRIENDS BACK TO CIVILIZATION, LEAVING THE MINERS SEMI-STRANDED. Which, you've got to admit, is both hilarious and badass.
• In a considerably less badass move, she wires Carson for help. 
• Buck Sawtice, the owner of the EVIL MINING COMPANY—when they find out it's named Yellow Dawn, George asked, "Is that a company or a disease?" which made me laugh out loud—ALSO cost the Mr. & Mrs. Ranny their life-savings. So, you know: Good to know that he's an equal-opportunity swindler, and not ageist or anything.

SUPER FAST-FORWARD:

• Carson rounds up some local law enforcement, and they put together a POSSE and go in there ON HORSEBACK:

"Now, Father, don't tell us we can't go," she forestalled him. "With all these men along to protect us, you surely can't say it won't be safe."

"That's just what I did intend to say, you young tease!"

NO COMMENT.

• Pete gets attacked AGAIN. Poor guy, for a minor character and a good guy, he really takes a beating in this book.
• Turns out Grandfather Chap buried a treasure under the Hollow Oak and left a message for Ann there, including a confession about switching out the message she left for Norman way back when, which is why he never showed up to marry her. Nancy and Norman dig it up and then BURY IT ELSEWHERE, because they're tricky like that. 
• But Nancy loses an engraved bracelet, so they have to go back for it, and then they catch Tom (since Norman's there, he does the lassoing this time, presumably because he's got manparts), tie him to a tree, AND THEN THREATEN TO SET HIM ON FIRE UNLESS HE TELLS THEM WHERE GRANDFATHER CHAP IS, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT "THE INDIANS" WOULD DO. I don't even.
• They bring their info back to the posse, the posse acts on it... but no Grandfather Chap, so they disperse, leaving Nancy, Carson, the girls, and Norman with the Yellow Dawn guys.

I swear we're almost at the end:

• Nancy offers to sell her land to Buck if Grandfather Chap is returned unharmed, so Buck sends the airplane off for some money.
• Of course, Buck plans to double-cross her, but she HAPPENS TO BE AT JUST THE RIGHT PLACE AT JUST THE RIGHT TIME TO OVERHEARD ALL OF THE EXPOSITION (IN FRENCH), so she's able to make a counter-plan.
• Which involves stealing a key right out of Ray's hand WHILE HE'S AWAKE AND AWARE AND EVERYTHING, CLEARLY SHE'S MAGIC, swiping all of the gold out of the cabin the bad guys have been squirreling it away in, getting all of her loved ones (and Norman and Grandfather Camp, who's been being tortured this whole time, YES, TORTURED) out of the way, and then BLOWING UP THE DAM. BECAUSE NANCY DREW, AS I'VE MENTIONED, IS KIND OF BADASS, AND ALSO HAS AN UTTER DISREGARD FOR PUBLIC UTILITIES.
• Ann and Norman are reunited, Ann and her Grandfather make up, Nancy gets all of her gold melted down into gold coins, and everyone in River Heights is at the train station to meet them when they get home.

And just because it wouldn't be a real Nancy Drew book without one more semi-creepy moment with Carson:

After discussing the events Nancy seated herself upon the arm of her father's chair, and playfully tweaked his ear.

[I'm sparing you the twinkling eyes and smoke rings, ag.]

"Father, if anyone should ever offer me another deed, I'd run a mile!" she said. "After having so many adventures up North, I think I'll agree to your holding title to all the property that comes into the Drew family!"

THE END.

New skills: 

• When it comes to chocolate cake, Hannah Gruen believes that "the pupil has gone beyond the master".
• Nancy knows French.
• And also all about dynamite.

_________________________________________

Previously.

Here's Jeff Bridges, see the rest at Io9:

At this point, the only thing I'm finding remotely exciting about this movie is the size of Jeff Bridges' eyebrows. Because they LOOK AMAZING in this picture.

Previously.

More Silverstein videos compiled over at Open Culture.

At mental_floss: 12 Charming Tidbits About Beverly Cleary

There's a lot to love there (I didn't know that she eloped! Or that she wrote Leave it to Beaver tie-ins.), but I especially liked this bit:

WHEN ASKED “WHY DO YOU THINK THAT CHILDREN LOVE RAMONA QUIMBY SO MUCH?” SHE GAVE THIS WONDERFUL ANSWER:

“Because [Ramona] does not learn to be a better girl. I was so annoyed with the books in my childhood, because children always learned to be ‘better’ children and, in my experience, they didn’t. They just grew, and so I started Ramona… and she has never reformed. [She’s] really not a naughty child, in spite of the title Ramona the Pest. Her intentions are good, but she has a lot of imagination, and things sometimes don’t turn out the way she expected.”

I really need to read her memoirs.

Louisa May Alcott, woman after my own heart.

The quote is from this article at mental_floss, which has me itching to re-read it: 10 Things You May Not Know About 'Little Women'.

That's what one of my library board members just said before handing me a box containing these:

I AM IN TOTAL MELTDOWN SQUEEMODE.

Like, I am FREAKING. OUT.

Belgium, yes, and Agatha Christie's brain, yes.

But also maybe this guy:

A real-life Belgian policeman who came to the West Country as a refugee during the first world war has been tipped as a possible inspiration for one of the literary world's most famous fictional detectives, Hercule Poirot.

Regardless of whether it's true or not, suddenly I feel like re-reading some Dame Agatha.

A) Donald Glover! Jennifer Coolidge! And according to IMDb, Burn Gorman and Megan Mullally, too!

B) It looks like funny-if-generic family slapstick, and I have no doubt that I will eventually watch it when it comes to Netflix Streaming.

C) BUT WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY SAY IT WAS BASED ON THE BOOK? BECAUSE NO.

At boingboing:

Via Amber.

From the Telegraph:

From that calculation, he concluded that when the nose grew to 140 metres the force exerted downwards would cause the neck to snap.

The study was published in the Journal of Interdisciplinary Science Topics, which, according to the Telegraph article, has also published papers called "Does Winnie the Pooh have a B12 deficiency?" and "The viability of throwing giant tortoises into mines".

Clearly, I need a subscription.

At Brain Pickings: 

How to Turn Down a Marriage Proposal Like Charlotte Brontë

From the Global News:

Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss “encourages children to use violence against their fathers” and should be removed from the Toronto Public Library.

That, according to a complaint to the city’s library that wanted to see the book by the beloved children’s author removed from the shelves. The complainant also demanded the Toronto Public Library “issue an apology to fathers in the GTA and pay for damages resulting from the book.”

The library refused, noting the book is “humorous” and “well-loved by children,” it regularly appears on “best of” lists, Dr. Seuss was a Pulitzer Prize winning author and well, the children “are actually told not to hop on pop.”

See the full list here.

...and yes, some of it is in black and white:

I'm still feeling EXTREMELY skeptical. It just looks way... flashier than I ever pictured the book.

From The Toast:

[The schoolhouse burns in the distance. Anne stands on the porch, face flushed and streaked with ash]
ANNE: IT’S ANNE WITH A GODDAMN “E”
A GODDAMN “E”

(Via my Treasured Sister, obviously.)

• mental_floss: 11 Movies Based on Poems.
• This one's for Josh: J.P. Donleavy is Still Standing.
• At Publishing Perspectives: How to Buy a Top Spot on the New York Times Bestseller List. Um, ew.
• At Open Culture, The Hobbit, as imagined by Maurice Sendak:

Bwahahahahaha. I fell over laughing when I read that sentence.

Anyway, it's from an article at the New Yorker about Tove Jansson.

So click on through if you are so inclined!

From Deadline:

Emerald City is described as a modern and dark reimagining of the classic tale of Oz in the vein of Game Of Thrones, drawing upon stories from Baum’s original 14 books that include lethal warriors, competing kingdoms, and the infamous wizard as we’ve never seen him before. A head-strong 20-year-old Dorothy Gale is unwittingly sent on an eye-opening journey that thrusts her into the center of an epic and bloody battle for the control of Oz.

I kind of already want to skip it.

AM I THE CRABBIEST CRAB WHO EVER CRABBED?

Probably.

But, fair or not, the EDGY OZ description immediately made me think of this, which ewww.

At the Toast:

4. The girl you love is engaged to the local squire. How many kippers would you like with your breakfast?

If you will have four kippers, select A. If you ask for kidneys, select B.

Currently free for the Kindle:

Anne of Green Gables Stories: 12 Books, 142 Short Stories, Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea, Anne of the Island, Anne's House of Dreams, Rainbow Valley, Rilla of Ingleside, Chronicles and More

So, you know: Even if you have the physical copies at home, now you can BRING THEM EVERYWHERE YOU GO WITHOUT THROWING YOUR BACK OUT.

...as interpreted by makeup artist Tal Peleg:

From The Case of the Captured Koala:

Bugs Meany was the leader of a gang of tough older boys. They called themselves the Tigers. They should have called themselves the Heathens. They were doomed to eternal torment in a subterranean lake of fire.

I haven't finished reading it yet, but so far, it's rather hilarious.

(via GalleyCat)

From Book-A-Minute:

Bah, humbug. You'll work thirty-eight hours on Christmas Day, keep the heat at five degrees, and like it.

Ebenezer Scrooge, three ghosts of Christmas will come and tell you you're mean.

You're mean.

At last, I have seen the light. Let's dance in the streets. Have some money.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Who knew? Not me.

From the Guardian:

Beatrix Potter decided to take control of her own future after getting fed up of receiving rejection letters from publishers for a story she had made up to entertain a sick child.

The Tale of Peter Rabbit was printed with 41 black and white woodblock engravings and a colour frontispiece, and proved so successful that, within a year, it had been picked up by one of the six publishers who had originally turned it down. By Christmas of 1902, Frederick Warne had sold 20,000 copies of the book, with Potter's own watercolour illustrations, at 1 shilling, and 1/6d for a luxury clothbound edition.

From Tablet Magazine:

If Harry Potter was The Boy Who Lived, Nancy was The Girl Who Dared. She was brave, rash, fierce. She had a snazzy car. She solved crimes that flummoxed the cops, snuck around in old abandoned houses, got locked in closets by bad guys … and she always kept her cool. Her mom had died when she was little, but her dad adored and trusted her and gave her free rein to save others. She was in charge, not her boyfriend, Ned Nickerson. She was beautiful, but she wasn’t an object. She was a doer.

Little did I know Nancy Drew had such a troubled past.

And now I want to get back to my sadly neglected Nancy Drew Re-Reading Project.