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Author/Illustrator: Mo Willems

"Oooooh! A hot dog! Yummy! Yummy! Yummy!"

Uh oh. This is not good.

As Willems (the Hemingway of children's entertainment) showed us in Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!, our loveable pigeon is famous for his lack of restraint. In order to keep the Pigeon's covetous ways under control, Willems famously broke down the 3rd wall to put YOU in charge of keeping the pigeon from getting behind the wheel. You proved to be more than up to the task... but your job is not done.

Now that the pigeon has gotten his first taste of a devilishly delectable hot dog, you are going to be called back into duty for Willem's next book: Don't Let the Pigeon Enter Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Competition!

Pigeon's lack of self restraint is most likely indicative of an addictive personality. This insatiable quality coupled with his quirky appetites would make Pigeon a formidable foe for defending champion Joey Chestnut and Japanese superstar Takeru Kobayashi.


Left: America Back On Top of the Food Chain
Joey Chestnut's recent victory over Kobayashi is simultaneously being hailed in the media as a sign of the preeminent gluttony of American culture and as our greatest international triumph since World War II. USA! USA! USA!


It is up to you to stop the Pigeon for his own good. Life on the competetive eating circuit is no picnic (Pun intended. I apologize.) Traveling from county to county, gorging yourself on hotdogs, boiled eggs, and sea urchin ice cream may sound like heaven on earth, but it quickly becomes a living nightmare. Ask any professional eating veteran and they will tell you that gastronomic glory is not worth the price of admission.

Plus, as a hot dog fan myself, the concept of a hot dog eating competition displays a disturbing lack of respect for food. The point of food is nourishment, the joy of a hot dog in savoring each bite... not scarfing down as many as possible to the point of vomitting or hospitalization. And who the heck dips their hot dog buns in water?! These people obviously do not love hot dogs, they love the fame and the glory. And it makes me sick.

Pigeon found a hot dog and it is the greatest thing in the world. Keeping him out of the hot dog eating competition may deprive him of the perverse fame of victory, but it will preserve his love of food and his innocence... if you are a real friend, you will stop him at all costs.

So if you see him about to eat another hot dog, do the right thing. Take it away from him and... give it to me! Me! Give It To ME!!!

It's the right thing to do.

I swear.

Yummy! Yummy! Yummy! Gimee! Gimee! Gimee!!!

Author/Illustrator: Alexandra Day

Considered a modern classic, this is the story of a mother who goes out to run some errands and leaves her baby in the care of the dog, Carl. While she is out, Carl and the baby have all kinds of forbidden fun, like sliding down laundry chutes, swimming in the fish tank, and eating junk food. Carl then bathes the baby and puts it back to crib and the mom is none the wiser.

Good natured fun? We'll see who's laughing when Child Protective Services comes knocking at the door. I mean, honestly, who leaves their baby's life in the hands of a rottweiller? I don't care how "good" he is, he doesn't have opposable thumbs!

Alternate (Jaded, Pessimistic) Interpretations of Good Dog, Carl

The Cool Uncle Carl Interpretation: Carl is like the fun uncle who doesn't have to shoulder any of the responsibilities of child-rearing, but gets to come in and spoil the child with his free-wheeling and anti-establishment ways. This curries favor with the child while simultaneously undermining the parents' authority. It all starts innocently enough with laundry chute adventures and junk food... but by the time the baby grows to be a teenager, don't be surprised to find Good Ol' Carl buying the kid cigarettes and beer behind the parents' backs.

The Lady and the Tramp Interpretation: Carl misses being the center of attention. Before the baby came along, he was the apple of this family's eye. Now he is merely a supporting cast member, with the baby taking the lead. Desperate to regain the spotlight, Carl decides that he must eliminate the competition. Left alone, he throws the baby down the laundry chute and into the basement, tries to drown it in the fish tank, and even attempts to poison it with obscene amounts of junk food. Fortunately for the family, Carl does not have the fine-tuned skills of a highly trained assassin (again, no thumbs). His attempts are woefully unsuccessful. Knowing that the mother will be home at any minute, he quickly washes the baby, wiping off any fingerprints and destroying all evidence of wrong-doing. The mother doesn't suspect a thing. Perfect. Now all Carl needs is patience as he plots his next move and waits for the family to turn its back... so he can get rid of that damn baby once and for all.

Author: Peggy Moss
Illustrator: Lea Lyon

Winner of the 2005 Teacher's Choice Award, Moss's book is a quietly powerful tale about silence in the face of bullying. A popular girl turns a blind eye to bullying and teasing until one day she becomes the butt of the joke. This is an adaptation of the powerful poem First They Came by the Pastor Martin Niemoller. Niemoller's poem (an indictment of complacency in the face of rising Nazism) admittedly dealt with more serious issues than junior high bullying... but the basic premise remains the same.

First they made fun of the Nerds, and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn’t a Nerd.
Then they made fun of the Dorks, and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn’t a Dork.
Then they made fun of the Geeks, and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn't a Geek.
Then they made fun of me, and by that time there was no one left
to speak up for me.

Note: The book is extremely well done... until you get to the appendix. After the story, there is a guide on strategies for dealing with bullying. One section says:

If you are bullied, speak up! Things to say are: "Please stop." "That hurts my feelings." "I haven't done anything to you." Don't be afraid to tell an adult.

Ummm... yeah, right. Follow that advice and there's a good chance that you will either get laughed out of the gym, or pummeled on the playground. While the Say Something approach is well-intentioned, a better strategy (at least for guys) may be to use the Say Anything method:

Lloyd Dobbler's Easy 4 Step Plan for Overcoming Your Dorkdom

1) Take up kickboxing. Tell people its for your own self-satisfaction or to impress the ladies... but really it's just so that while you're getting your ass whooped by jocks, you can at least get one kick in before the ambulance arrives.

2) Wear a trenchcoat. Yes, it's weird and kinda creepy, but do it on the off chance that people will think you're eccentric or mysterious.

3) If you want to get the girl, embarrass yourself with an overly dramatic public demonstration (see picture above). This is NOT optional. Why not? Being a bumbling doofus, you don't have enough going for you to hold anything back. So set your pride aside and put it all out there. It's your only hope.

4) Star in a cheesy but endearing romantic comedy that will ruin the lives of guys everywhere (especially bullies) by warping the romantic expectations of all women who lived in the 80's, thereby sabotaging the relationships of all men (and making Chuck Klosterman's head explode). That's called having the last laugh.