Speak to yourself gently and with compassion.

How we speak to ourselves matters. The way we think about ourselves can influence how we feel about ourselves. If you’ve grown up with abusive or critical parents, you may have absorbed some of their criticalness or harshness and turn it on yourself. If you talk to yourself with a harsh voice, I hope you can let that go, and talk to yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would a friend. You deserve that same support.

Try to catch yourself when you’re being harsh with yourself, and change the tone you use, the words. If you do, you may find that you’re happier.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

#cherylrainfield #YAwriter #YAlit #iReadYA #YAsaves #booklover #bookworm #booknerdigan #quote #inspiration

Do what is right for you.

Sometimes what you need is different than what others need. It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s good for you–as long as it helps you, doesn’t hurt you (or anyone else). For instance, sometimes I just need to stay home and read a book and cuddle with my dog instead of being out with friends when I’m having a hard time, while others might need to be with friends or go out and do something. Other times, I might find the opposite. It depends on my needs at the time. Or there may be times that I need to say something to feel right about a situation, even if someone else doesn’t agree. I try to go by my heart and my gut.

Trust your heart, what you need at the time, and do what is right for you. You’ll feel better about it.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

#cherylrainfield #YAwriter #YAlit #iReadYA #YAsaves #booklover #bookworm #booknerdigan #quote #inspiration

Sending you warmth, joy, and good feeling. I wish only good for you.

If this is a hard day for you, I hope you’ll take good, gentle care of yourself. Remember that positive distraction–reading a good book, watching a feel-good movie, listening to music that makes you feel good, talking with a friend, drawing or writing or dancing–can help shift your mood or help you get through a hard time. And remember that many people know what you’re going through. You are not alone.

I hope you find some happiness today, joy in little things, have good people or animals around you, reach out to others, have some good food. And remember you matter.

Happy holiday!

Hugs, Cheryl Rainfield (and Petal)

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

#cherylrainfield #YAwriter #YAlit #iReadYA #YAsaves #booklover #bookworm #booknerdigan #quote #inspiration

You have the right to say “No.” Do what’s best for you.

I think it’s hard for a lot of women and survivors to say no. We feel guilty, feel like we should always take care of other people, or do what’s best for others and forget about ourselves. But we matter, too, and our own needs are important. If you don’t want to do something or it doesn’t feel right, then it’s important to listen to that. To say “no” when you need to. Say No when you need to, and you’ll often feel relieved.

I hope you keep your own power, and say No when you need to. (And say yes to the things you truly want.)

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

#cherylrainfield #YAwriter #YAlit #iReadYA #YAsaves #booklover #bookworm #booknerdigan #quote #inspiration

Reach out for support when you need it. You may be surprised how many people care.

I’ve often found it hard to reach out for support in my life–especially as an abuse survivor who was hurt and betrayed so often. But when I have reached out, I’ve been surprised to find people genuinely care. And how many of them. I think you’ll find the same.

People care, and they want to be there–but you have to let them know what will help, and when you need help. So if you’re having a hard time, remember to reach out.

If you’re in crisis and you’re reaching out often, it can be good to spread out your support network, or phone, text, or email a crisis line as well. You can find a lot of great ones here: www.crisistextline.org/get-help-now/

As always, take gentle care of yourself, and remember that you can get through this.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

#cherylrainfield #YAwriter #YAlit #iReadYA #YAsaves #booklover #bookworm #booknerdigan #quote #inspiration

Open yourself to the good in your life. It will keep coming in.

Sometimes we have trouble seeing the good that’s already in our life. We focus on the painful things or bad things, instead of the things that bring us moments of joy and happiness. It may be especially hard to see the good if you’ve had a lot of bad or hard things in your life, or if you’re a survivor of abuse or trauma. I struggle with it myself.

But opening up to the good that’s there allows us to see even more good around us. Things that bring us contentment, happiness, moments of joy. They seem to build on each other.

So keep trying to open to the good, to see it around you, and you may find more comes in.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

#cherylrainfield #YAwriter #YAlit #iReadYA #YAsaves #booklover #bookworm #booknerdigan #quote #inspiration

You can get through this. You are stronger than you know.

Whatever it is that you’re facing right now, you can survive it. I think we often don’t see our own strength–sometimes not until we go through something rough, or go through something rough and others tell us how well we’re getting through it. Strength isn’t in not feeling afraid, or not falling apart or having a crisis. Strength is in picking ourselves up and keeping on moving forward–after we’ve had time to freak, or sob, or lie there in despair. Strength is in being able to reach out to a friend and let them know how bad things are, or in finding something to cheer ourselves up a little, or something to distract us from our pain or grief or terror for a little while or a long while. Strength is in keeping on even when we thought we couldn’t. And strength is also seeing our strength. (smiling) Even if it’s only after someone told us how strong we are.

You are strong. And you will get through this. And things will be happier again.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

#cherylrainfield #YAwriter #YAlit #iReadYA #YAsaves #booklover #bookworm #booknerdigan #quote #inspiration

Pay attention to the good in your life. You may have more than you realize.

It’s easy to pay attention to the painful moments, the hard things, the things that bring you down. They grab our attention, grip us tightly, tear at us. And sometimes, especially if we’ve had a lot of pain, abuse, or trauma in our lives, it can be hard to notice the good things that happen. The little things and the big things that all add up to help us appreciate being alive.

The hug from a friend. The friendly lick from a cat or dog. The smile from a stranger. Someone telling us they appreciate our work. Someone telling us we have a nice smile. Laughing with friends. Good food. Finding that book we want. Reading a good book. Time with friends.

I’m going to try to make an effort to focus more on the good in my life–and I hope you’ll join me.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

#cherylrainfield #YAwriter #YAlit #writer #iReadYA #YAsaves #booklover #bookworm #booknerdigan #quote #inspiration #authorquote #writerlife

Say what is important to you–and say it with compassion.

We all need to be heard. The more we shove down what’s important to us, the more unhappy or depressed we are, and the more likely it is to come bursting out all over others, making an unhappy mess for ourselves, and possibly hurting relationships. Sometimes we’re so afraid to say our truth or what we care about that we can shrivel up inside, retreat from the world or the people around us, and lose happiness. We *need* to say what’s important to us, what matters, what we need, to be happy, and sometimes to make sure we’re treated with respect and dignity and equality. But we’re also more likely to be heard and treated with respect if we come from a place of compassion and respect ourselves. If we remember to treat others the way we want to be treated.

So say what you need to say, and speak from a place of compassion and respect–and you may find yourself a lot happier (and others around you, too).

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

Find what gives you joy–and do it.

If you were abused or suffered trauma, it may be hard to feel joy or even imagine it. But you have the potential to inside you. I think we were all made to feel and to find great moments of joy.

Try connecting with the child inside you, the young, innocent part of yourself who can look at the world with wonder–can see the sparkle of light on the snow and find it beautiful, delights in a rainbow in the sky, in blowing bubbles or getting and giving a hug, playing with a pet, finding a good book. Try to stay with the wonder, the happiness, the joy. And when you find it, do more of it. (smiling)

I think it’s easy to forget to find joy, the harder we work or the more responsibilities we have, or the more hard and painful things we’ve been through in our lives. But that’s when it’s all the more important to find joy, and to do the things that give us joy.

I hope you keep seeking out joy, doing things you love, things that make you happy. You deserve that. Happiness and joy.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others. You can see them on all www.CherylRainfield.com/blog

Be gentle with yourself. You deserve your love and compassion.

If you’re a perfectionist, or you grew up in a household with a stern, critical, or abusive parent or caretaker, on had a partner who was, then you may struggle–like I have–with being kind and gentle to yourself. You may be harsh to yourself, even cruel. But you deserve your love and compassion; you really do! And when you’re loving with yourself, when you give yourself the same compassion you would a friend, you’ll find that you’re happier and things don’t seem as hard. So try to be gentle with yourself. Don’t push yourself too hard. Think of yourself the way you would a friend. Figure out what you need to feel happier or more at ease, and then allow yourself that.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

You deserve to be loved and cherished–by others and by yourself. I hope you’re treated with love–by your friends and family, by people around you, and by yourself. It’s important both how others treat us, and how we treat ourselves. Keep taking in the love and compassion, and rejecting any ill treatment. You only deserve good things.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Follow your dreams. You are worth believing in. Whatever it is you want and need to do–then do that. You matter, and your dreams are important. It may take a while to get your dream, so don’t give up. Keep reminding yourself of why you want it, and keep moving forward. It will come.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Notice the love around you. Take it in. You may have more love around you than you know. I get love from friends and from my little dog Petal, and they all make up my chosen family. I’ve also experienced kindness, acceptance, and compassion from strangers, acquaintances, and friends, and to me those are all forms of love.

I didn’t grow up with love. My parents abused and tortured me, and so did many other family members and their friends. I was bullied as a child and teen. I was taught to hate myself. So it became hard for me to trust that people could actually like me, never mind love me. But people (and animals) do. And I know they do for you, too.

This time of year especially, or any time that is hard for you, it’s important to take in the love, to not let it bounce off your defenses or reject it.

Notice the love, kindness, and compassion around you. Take it in and really embrace it. You deserve that love, and you’ll feel happier taking it in.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Love and accept your body. You’re beautiful as you are.

We’re all given constant messages from advertisements and the media that we’re not good enough as we are, that we need to fix or change something about ourselves. But that’s just done to create insecurity so companies can sell products and services, and also sometimes by society to keep some people in power. It’s not based on actual beauty.

You don’t need to change anything; you are beautiful as you are. Truly! Soul shines out of people’s eyes and faces–true beauty–and that’s what draws me to someone. I also see beauty in each of us. If you look at people with an artist’s eye, as well as a compassionate or soul eye, you’ll see the beauty, too. I hope you can look at yourself that way and realize you’re beautiful just as you are.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Recognize your progress and triumphs. Celebrate them!

Sometimes we forget to take time to see how far we’ve come, or to celebrate our progress. We’re focused on the next goal. But it’s important to take time to appreciate our successes and progress. I hope you see how far you’ve come and what you’ve accomplished, and you celebrate it. Celebrate yourself.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Take the time to do what makes you feel good or happy. Remember to have fun. It’s so important to do things we enjoy, that give us pleasure. So many of us work so hard, we forget about happiness, and joy, and little things that can make us happy we’re here. For me it can be blowing bubbles, hugging a friend, playing with my little dog Petal, reading a book. Noticing a beautiful sunrise, looking at something that feels beautiful, eating chocolate. Really being in the moment and enjoying it. Whatever that is for you, whatever brings you good feeling, I hope you keep taking time to do it.

I think it can be especially hard to remember to do feel-good things when you’re going through something stressful, or a crisis, or a hard time of year. But then it’s all the more important to do those things. So keep doing things that remind yourself you’re glad to be here, or that give you some enjoyment, or that help you connect with others. I wish you joy.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

You are lovable. Just be being here, by existing in this world, you are lovable. And you are loved.

Take that in for a minute. Sit with it. Believe it. Because it’s true. Even if you feel like no one around you loves you or appreciates you, there are people who do; sometimes we just can’t see it. Don’t forget your animal friends as well; they give us unconditional love.

If you were abused or had critical parents, if you’ve experienced bullying or homophobia or racism or hatred directed at you, it may be hard to believe or take in, but it’s important to, if you can. You are lovable, you deserve love and good treatment, and you are loved. I’m glad you’re here. And I hope you are, too.

So let this be my hug to you, even if we never meet in person. I wrap my arms around you tightly, and I say again: “You are loved.”

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Reach out to the people who love you. The people you love. They want to hear from you. Whether you’re in a good space or going through a hard time, your friends and others you love want to be there for you and with you. Don’t be afraid to reach out and let them know what’s going on. Think about it in reverse: do you want to hear when someone you love has something happy or something painful going on in their life? Of course you do! So, they do, too.

Keep reaching out to the people who care about you. It’s especially important when you’re going through a hard time. If you can, don’t let yourself get isolated. Keep those connections strong. Because human connection, those bonds we make, help us want to be alive and celebrate life.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Allow yourself to take in the good things people say about you–and know they are true.

If you’re a survivor of abuse or if you had critical parents, you may struggle with believing in the good in you, and you may dismiss compliments or positive things others say about you. I do. But when people say good things about you, they mean it, and it’s important to allow the good things in, to really appreciate all the good you do.

One thing that may help you with this is to repeat to yourself the good things other people have said to you. Or write them out (or ask the person to), and then read them over again.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

You matter. You really do. You might not see right now how many lives you touch–just by a kind word, a smile, listening to friend or loving someone, telling someone something they need to hear right at that moment–but you matter. Everything you do and say affects someone, and you have a place in this world.

I hope you can treat yourself with the same kindness, compassion, and love that you do your friends and other loved ones. Hope you realize that you matter, and it’s good you’re here.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

You are beautiful–inside and out. We are given so many messages by the media about how we should look, messages that are meant to make us insecure about our bodies so we will buy their products. Messages that focus on outer beauty and appearance. And sometimes family or well-meaning friends can add to our insecurities. But you are beautiful just as you are. I see it. I know it.

True beauty for me shines out in people’s eyes, through our souls, through the way we talk and act and interact with people. What makes me want to be around someone and spend time with them is their inner beauty. It’s whether they’re kind and compassionate, whether they are loving and thoughtful. Those are the kinds of things that make me want to spend time with someone and make me glad to see them. And I think inner beauty shows in our bodies–most especially in our eyes and faces. Who we are and how we are matters.

If you can stand back and look at yourself the way a friend or family member who dearly loves you see you, I think you will see that you ARE beautiful. Outside and in. If you struggle with that, try telling yourself you’re beautiful while looking yourself in the mirror. Write yourself a note and tell it to yourself over and over; the messages we tell ourselves matter and go in there. And believe me when I say: You are beautiful, inside and out.

If you’re having a hard time, remember: it *will* get better. It usually doesn’t feel like it when you’re having a hard time, especially if you’re in crisis, or really triggered or scared or in deep pain, but you will move through it, and things will get lighter, easier, and better again. So if you’re having a rough time, try to find ways to keep breathing through it, and try to hold on to knowing that it WILL get better. You just have to get through the rough period.

It can help to use positive distraction–to read a good book, watch a movie, talk with a friend, go for a walk and notice the beauty around you. It can help to talk to a friend, loved one, or therapist and be heard. Hugs and safe touch can also help. So does getting out the emotion in safe ways–writing, drawing, dancing, screaming into a pillow, going for a run. It can help to read (and re-read) positive messages from people you care about, and to think about good times you’ve had. And remember that there are always crisis lines if you need them–through phone, email, and text, such as RAINN.

Sometimes you can change/lighten your mood and help you feel good again by using these techniques, and sometimes it may just help you through. I hope you use these, and any other safe ways that don’t hurt you.

Please keep yourself safe, treat yourself gently, and keep holding on to the belief that things will get better–because they will.

If you need to, please read my posts Reasons Not To Hurt Yourself

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Trust yourself. You know what you need. We’re given constant messages from the media about what we need and how we should be. But we are each individuals, influenced by our past experiences–and we are not all the same. I’m queer. You might not be. I need to write, to have a voice through my writing, and to reach others. Maybe you have a voice in a different way. I need to talk about traumatic or painful things with trusted friends and a therapist–but sometimes I need time to think about them first. I also need time for fun, play, and hugs. Maybe you’re different. I love time to myself to read. Maybe you don’t. I need time with friends, but I also need quiet time. Figure out what it is you need, and follow that. Listen inside, and your heart will tell you what you need–to be happy, to be safe, to take care of yourself.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a dear friend.

If you’re an abuse or trauma survivor like me, or you were bullied or had someone treat you badly, or you have low self-esteem, you may struggle with being kind to yourself. You may even hate yourself. But you don’t deserve your hate or ill treatment, ever. You DO deserve kindness and compassion. And you are the one who is with you every minute of every day. How you treat yourself impacts how you feel. So I hope you treat yourself kindly.

If you have a hard time being kind to yourself, try treating yourself the way you would a dear friend. Think of what you’d say to this friend you love if they were in the same situation, and talk that way to yourself.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.