I know that I'm not supposed to notice these things, but I do: Last night I returned to the low glow of my computer following two hours of delicious So You Think You Can Dance (yes, those dancers, those choreographers, that gorgeous-but-never-haughty Cat Deeley make me cry) to discover that my blog had had, shall we say, a swarm of visitors.
What in the world?, I wondered.
It became clear, upon further investigation, that a single term, "quakebuttock," had brought the masses to me. Quakebuttock, you read that right. Clearly somewhere out in the universe (not on MY TV show, mind you) the term had been used, and as I'd once and playfully written a post about the word (in a Roy Blount Jr. inspired entry called "Superior Persons"), I suddenly had people knocking at my door.
For a nanosecond, then, it's quakebuttock, a term which Peter Bowler has defined as "a nicely scornful word for coward," that puts me on the map. Not my books. Not my poems. Not my writing process entries. Not my photographs. Not my dancing. Not my thoughts. Nothing of the sort. What, indeed, have I been thinking all this time? What have I been doing?
My considered advice of the day is then this: Want to move from beneath the veil of the literarily obscure? Use quakebuttock freely in whatever you write. Mutter it under your breath. Erect a cathedral in its name. Prepare the cheese and crackers.
For the record: The photograph here was taken on a cold winter day at the New Jersey shore, just ahead of a lemmings moment. None of these people are quakebuttocks, for sure. Today's photo-type pairing is about opposites, not similars.
On another note: I'll be at the Doylestown Bookshop tomorrow night. I will say the word thrice in a row, if you come.
Author Roy Blount Jr. published a great holiday message on the Author’s Guild website. You can check it out here, but it’s so good we just went ahead and copied it in full in case your clicking finger is feeling lazy today.
Holiday Message from Roy Blount Jr.:
Buy Books From Your Local Bookstore, Now
December 11, 2008. I’ve been talking to booksellers lately who report that times are hard. And local booksellers aren’t known for vast reserves of capital, so a serious dip in sales can be devastating. Booksellers don’t lose enough money, however, to receive congressional attention. A government bailout isn’t in the cards.
We don’t want bookstores to die. Authors need them, and so do neighborhoods. So let’s mount a book-buying splurge. Get your friends together, go to your local bookstore and have a book-buying party. Buy the rest of your Christmas presents, but that’s just for starters. Clear out the mysteries, wrap up the histories, beam up the science fiction! Round up the westerns, go crazy for self-help, say yes to the university press books! Get a load of those coffee-table books, fatten up on slim volumes of verse, and take a chance on romance!
There will be birthdays in the next twelve months; books keep well; they’re easy to wrap: buy those books now. Buy replacements for any books looking raggedy on your shelves. Stockpile children’s books as gifts for friends who look like they may eventually give birth. Hold off on the flat-screen TV and the GPS (they’ll be cheaper after Christmas) and buy many, many books. Then tell the grateful booksellers, who by this time will be hanging onto your legs begging you to stay and live with their cat in the stockroom: “Got to move on, folks. Got some books to write now. You see…we’re the Authors Guild.”
Enjoy the holidays.
Roy Blount Jr.
President, Authors Guild
Addendum: Forward and Post!
December 11, 2008. The Guild’s staff informs me that many of you are writing to ask whether you can forward and post my holiday message encouraging orgiastic book-buying. Yes! Forward! Yes! Post! Sound the clarion call to every corner of the Internet: Hang in there, bookstores! We’re coming! And we’re coming to buy! To buy what? To buy books! Gimme a B! B! Gimme an O! O! Gimme another O! Another O! Gimme a K! K! Gimme an S! F! No, not an F, an S. We’re spelling BOOKS!
Yours,
Roy
I know that I'm not supposed to notice these things, but I do: Last night I returned to the low glow of my computer following two hours of delicious So You Think You Can Dance (yes, those dancers, those choreographers, that gorgeous-but-never-haughty Cat Deeley make me cry) to discover that my blog had had, shall we say, a swarm of visitors. 
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There are some scary looking non-quakebuttocks in that photo.
If you think that one particular word has us coming back for more each day, you are sadly mistaken. It is more the combination of your words, the thoughts and emotions that you express and thus extract from us, that keeps us reading on a daily basis, missing it those days that we might not have access of a computer. It is the photos that make us smile, make us smell the aroma of the flowers you photograph, even though they are only photos.
It is the comraderie with people I don't even know but whose comments I look forward to each day.
You have brought a group of divergent people together into an almost family with your words. How wonderful. (I know...way too long.)
Hmm...I can think of some creative ways to use that for sure....
"The man overflowing into my airline seat was a real quakebuttock."
Or..
"One more cookie and I'll have a real quakebuttock."
Look out for the word on a gym/diet/food supplement commercial coming soon!
Listen, it's beter that it was quakebuttock and not a different term with a secual connotation :-). That has already happened in blogland and the results are... how to put it? Embarrassing. Many thanks for the fun tale.
Greetings from London.
PS: I, for one, come for your poems and stories.
Does quakebuttock have an entry in your book of words? :)
It's an annual Polar Bear Plunge at the Jersey shore! I recognize the looks of those crazy people.. :)
I'm always surprised at what suddenly spikes visits to my blog!
That's a funny word.
Hmmm, how strange.
I may have to try it!
That is the coolest word ever. I am going to use it all the time now. (And no one will even know what I'm saying unless they bother looking it up.)
Omigosh that's hilarious! My buttock doth quake as I laugh :)
Oh my goodness, that is hilarious! By the way ... I LOVE 'So You Think You Can Dance' too! And, adore Cat Deeley ... your description of her is perfect! She seems so down-to-earth!
quakebuttock, quakebuttock, quakebuttock! I wish I could be at Doylestown Bookshop, if only to make you say the word and get everyone laughing! Best of luck at your presentation and may people buy lots of books.