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The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Man, what self-indulgent rubbish.

“I am so rich…I am so observant…My friends are so rich…My friends have great parties…Gatsby is so rich…Gatsby is so neat…”

So it’s a great story about the Jazz era. It wasn’t that great an era.

If I wanted to read about lame, rich, full of themself people going to parties, I’d pick up People magazine.

A bore.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

We had to read this in class and it was very, very , very, very,(you get the point) boring. I was looking at the reviews that people gave it. How could you like this book. The average customer review and it was five stars. It should be more like 1 stars. I gave it 1 stars. The only part that was O.K. is when she is looking for the key. But the author makes it drag on so it isn’t that good. I would recomed this book only to people who like very slow and boring books. My teacher said that she just loves this book, but it really stinks. I think this book should be banned from the whole world. I hope the author who wote this book will read this review.

I love that the reviewer hopes the author (who died in 1924) will read this review. Really?

Then Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

If you’re having a bad day with your writing, just take a look at the terrible review Hawthorne received from one Amazon reader.

This novel is absolutely awful. Although it has received over 500 reviews I feel it is my duty to help bring the average star level to where it belongs, at zero. Where to begin… perhaps with the run on sentences, the failure to create significant rising action, the flat two dimensional characters… This novel is full of things which not only bore the reader, but frustrate them as well.

The fatal flaw in this piece of literature is its inability to stay relevant. Post-modern society does not really care about, “Baby daddies,” and the revelation which is made at the end, and beginning, of this novel is reproduced daily on morning television a la Maury. Unfortunately, Nathaniel Hawthorn you are the father of this literary disaster.

(…and welcome to our new series, ONE STAR REVIEWS)