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Several posts back, I mentioned reading Jeff Vandermeer's BOOKLIFE: STRATEGIES AND SURVIVAL TIPS FOR THE 21ST-CENTURY WRITER. This book is excellent for a number of reasons. The thing I most appreciated, though, was his intentional division of a writer's public and private booklife. In the Private Booklife section, he's devoted a whole chapter to envy.
It is easy to be envious in all professions, but I think there's a special envy reserved just for the arts. When what you create is the thing ultimately received or rejected by others, it is often difficult to keep ourselves separate from our work, and it's easy to grow bitter when others' work is received differently than our own.
Here's what Vandermeer has to say:
"...Envy expresses a perverse feeling of helplessness: an acknowledgement of our inability to control what we could never control anyway. The only true balm is to tend to our own work, our own business, and to be as sound and honest in it as we can be -- and as for others, to treat them with love and affection, recognizing that what we may see of them in our eye, they too may see of us in theirs. Recognizing that the fortunes of our fellow travelers rise and fall as do our own -- knowing that we are bound in a brotherhood and sisterhood of envy -- may remove the sting of the sliver when it enters, and when it exits."
How do you deal with envy?
Last fall, I read Jeff Vandermeer's BOOKLIFE: STRATEGIES AND SURVIVAL TIPS FOR THE 21ST -CENTURY WRITER. One of the things I most enjoyed about the book was the fact it was divided into two main sections: your Public Booklife and your Private Booklife.
Permission to Fail is a chapter within the Private Booklife section. Vandermeer touches upon a few things I've mentioned here before: the risk involved in the creative life. I'd love to hear what all of you think about what he has to say:
"...Perfection can be a signal of lack of imagination...To be great, we must attempt so much that we not only are in danger of forever failing, but that we do fail, and in the failure create something greater than if we had set our sights lower."
And his advice to high school students:
"Whatever you do from now on, don't feel that it has to always be successful. To be successful, to be as good as you can possibly be in whatever field you choose, you need to feel like you can bungee jump out to the edge of success and into that space where the ropes might break. If you don't you won't take risks, you won't get out there, to that place with a night sky full of unfamiliar stars where 'success' might become either something extraordinary or utter failure.. because utter failure and extraordinary accomplishment are conjoined twins most of the time."
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afraid i don't deal with it very well sometimes.. but most often, I just try to avoid it at all costs. that seems to work best (when it's working).
Envy seems to be a normal part of writing life, or like you said, the arts. I get discouraged for a bit, then ignore it, then use it to as inspiration to write and create.
I agree that envy seems to be built in to the process of writing. It can be disheartening, but ultimately it makes me work that much harder.
Envy, while detrimental at times, often just fuels me to strive harder to be better. As long as I channel it, envy benefits me :)
Don't let envy gain an upper hand. Envy is wanting what someone else has and since this usually means a friend (envying Stephenie Meyers or JK Rowling is like spitting into the wind), it's important to keep your priorities straight. Celebrate the successes of those you know and love. If you could, would you really rip success from their hands? Not me. As Melissa says, turn that negative energy into something positive. Work harder!
I try to swallow it down and think positive. Envy is a powerful beast, both as a negative force and as a powerful motivator. I try to focus on the motivation. :-)
I find that envy only snatches me when I'm down about other things (usually not writing related... though the envy ends up being writing related). So, when it comes, I get to moving forward in other aspects of my life and that seems to smother it nicely.
Caroline, I love this book too. Definitely one to revisit again and again.
For me, envy is an indicator that I need to be focusing more on my own writing. I try to remember that readers can read and love more than one book, and that I should be trying to make my own work the best it can be.
Easier said than done sometimes! :)
There will always be someone who I think does it better. BUT there's also always someone looking at me thinking I'm doing better than they are. It's a vicious cycle. I can only try to get better as I go along and to improve on myself.
Coming for a performance background, I used to struggle with this a lot. A lot, a lot.
After I grew up a little, I have found sincerely taking joy in the success of others makes for a lot less anxiety. Recognize that their success is not your failure and with hard work and faith your day will come too.
Oh, it's so hard to not covet someone else's success! I try and focus on positive things, and improve myself until I get to where I want to be. After all, this is my journey, and it's not going to be the same as someone else's. So long as I'm taking steps in the right direction, I can be hopeful that I'll get there eventually!
It depends on who the person is. So bad right? If it's a good friend, who I love and I know deserves it, I can be a little envious for a minute and then be excited for them. If it's someone that hasn't been very nice, or seems undeserving it's hard to fight the envy and be happy for them, but I try.
Envy is crazy in this business, isn't it. I deal with it by employing tons of positive self-talk, reminding myself I would never want to switch lives with ANYONE, and a glass of red wine.
Good question. Envy eats at your soul and your joy. I try not to let it in :)
I try to keep that old grade-school mantra in mind--eyes on your own paper! Refocusing on what I'm doing helps me avoid comparing myself to others and subsequently getting jealous.
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