by Margaret Norton
“You should write a book,” my friends said to me after reading my journal. In 2004, eight people I knew died, including my mother-in-law and brother. As 2005 began, I was paralyzed with grief. A counselor suggested I write about my feelings. Cheaper than therapy, I thought. I went from journaling to writing a book, with nothing in-between. I didn’t know that this would be one of the hardest things I ever did.
Once I started transforming my journal notes into a manuscript, I knew that I was in over my head. In my middle fifties, it had been many years since I attended school. I knew little about writing. This can’t be much harder than doing a church bulletin or Christmas letter. But I was wrong. I immediately signed up for online writing courses and joined a local writers group. Then I started to look for an agent and a publisher.
It was difficult writing about my personal life. I relived the experiences I wrote about. Sometimes this was fun, but mostly it was painful. I found myself doing a lot of deep soul searching and self analysis. I had made a lot of mistakes. Why? I wanted to know. Eventually, I discovered the positives in my story and felt that others could benefit from my experiences.
Even though I was willing to share my life with others, some of the people in my book were not ready to have their actions revealed in such an honest and permanent way. It’s one thing to have disputes with your family--everyone does--but it’s potentially explosive when they find out you’re going to immortalize the family. Some family members and friends supported me, while others openly expressed their opposition. It was my story, but I was sensitive to the feelings of others. I changed the names of everyone in my book, as a courtesy to them. I left out personal, painful details that I felt would not dilute my message.
Writing is good therapy, but telling true life stories is hard. Even when you take the advice of experts and do what you believe is best; nothing prepares you for what happens once the book is published. Seeing it in print forced my family to deal with how they treated me, and the reactions varied greatly.
“Would you do it again?” I am often asked. Yes, I think so. It’s hard to honestly answer that question. I made a lot of mistakes--like picking the wrong publisher and not fighting for the cover I really wanted. I have thousands of hours and dollars invested; sometimes, I think maybe I should have lived abroad for a year, instead of writing my memoir. But then I get an e-mail from a stranger telling me how much my story touched them and the changes they are making because of my book. No, it’s not a bestseller, yet, but it does touch one person at a time. This makes it all worthwhile.
* * *
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Would you like to participate in Friday "Speak Out!"? Email you
.jpeg?picon=893)
By: Elizabeth King Humphrey,
on 9/25/2011
Blog: WOW! Women on Writing Blog (The Muffin) (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: writing for your reader, personal story, Elizabeth King Humphrey, personal memoir, Add a tag
I'm reading some writing which has made me re-consider my own writing about personal issues and how to deliver my feelings to my own readers.
Often a writer is trying to get at a personal truth and hopes and dreams and wonderment. But what is left on the page is one dimensional. The in-depth soul searching is left in the writer's soul or journal. When a writer most believes she is over-reaching, in truth, she is barely reaching out.
Often, as writers, we may take a shortcut. We tell our feelings, but we don't layer them using descriptions that deepen our readers' understanding of who we are.
As with fiction, self-help and personal nonfiction benefits from additional color and description.
We assume our readers will understand what we're saying by just writing "I felt bad." But we leave out the richness and three-dimensional element of ourselves. "I felt so bad that my heart sped up and my stomach churned" or "I felt so bad it felt as if my blood drained from my face and I ran from the room." While these are basic examples, I think it provides a difference that readers can more closely engage with the feelings the author is having and gives the bad feelings a bit more scale. Maybe even accessing an earlier scene that can bring more depth to the scene at hand.
But as writers, as our draft comes to completion, we shouldn't stop there.
We've all done it--given our writing to someone who understands us or who, at least, knows of our desire to be published. We hand over our writing to someone in our writers' group or someone who has read the previous six drafts. Those someones know or can easily interpret our "shortcut" to our emotions. They often understand the scale when we write "I felt bad."
I suggest that those writing about personal struggles and emotions find a reader not accustomed to the shortcuts. Find someone with a gentle yet critical eye who can find the areas of one-dimension. The areas where the writer is not serving the reader.
Why would this be as important to a writer than finding a reader or editor to ensure that the grammar is correct?
This reader is important in helping find where the writer fails to connect--in depth--with the reader. A reader shouldn't be left at the end of a chapter wondering why read more? Or with the worst question, "So what? Why should I care?" When a writer writing about personal issues fails to connect with the reader--leaving the reader with more questions than answers--the writing may be interesting, but it has delivered a one-dimensional character instead of a full-formed, layered journey of self-discovery.
What reading have you done lately that has changed the way you view your writing or revision process?
Elizabeth King Humphrey is a writer and editor living along the North Carolina coast.
(C) Copyright wow-womenonwriting.com
Visit WOW! Women On Writing for lively interviews and how-tos. Check out WOW!'s Classroom and learn something new. Find jobs on the Freelance Job Board. Enter the Quarterly Flash Fiction Contest. Open Now!
By: Robyn,
on 6/21/2010
Blog: WOW! Women on Writing Blog (The Muffin) (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Memoir writing, personal memoir, Melanie Faith, creative essay, Writing Your Life Into Short Creative Essays, Add a tag
"In the writing of memoirs, as in the production of shows, too much caution causes the audience to nod and think of other channels." Gerald Clarke.
The writer in us desires to share where we've been, what we've learned, our thoughts on life, love, forgiveness, strength and the art of being human. We pick up the pen and...suddenly all our experiences seem dull and lifeless. Good news, Melanie Faith is coming to the rescue with her class The Art Of Truth: Writing Your Life Into Short Creative Essays which begins Friday, June 25th, 2010. There is still time to enroll in this exciting class; please visit our classroom page for information.
Melanie Faith is a poet, educator, photographer and returning WOW! workshop instructor. We had a nice chat this week about her upcoming class:
Welcome Melanie! We're excited to have you as a returning instructor here at WOW! Workshop and Classes. This time you will be teaching a course in creative essay writing. Would you please elaborate on what exactly is a creative essay? How is this different from other forms of memoir?
Melanie: Thanks. I have thoroughly enjoyed working with WOW! writers and staff in the three other writing courses I've taught, and I'm excited about this new essay writing class! I would be happy to elaborate on the creative essay. While both memoir and creative essays are based on the life experiences of the author herself, memoirs tend to be linear and ordered in sequential time periods, whereas creative essays (sometimes referred to as the "creative nonfiction" essay genre) may jump backwards or forwards through time or omit certain eras or details entirely, choosing to focus a spotlight on one particular theme or one particular experience. In general, creative essays are shorter in length, but still integrate many of the fascinating literary techniques of memoir as well as fiction and poetic techniques, too--such as a focus on setting along with rich and resonant imagery. In the class, students will use various prompts to inspire five individual essays of under a thousand words each for supportive and constructive feedback and suggestions each week. I will also provide three professionally-written and published personal essays each week as examples of the variety of essay styles and techniques which students may study to note what other essayists have done and then incorporate into their own drafts.
I see, so creative essay is more artistic than the average auto-biographical account of one's life experiences.
By: Angela,
on 11/21/2009
Blog: WOW! Women on Writing Blog (The Muffin) (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Memoir writing, personal memoir, universal themes, Add a tag
What do universal themes have to do with memoir writing? If you are serious about writing a memoir, you need to not only tell your story, but have a story that others can relate to as well.
In Annette Fix' article on WOW, Memoir Writing: Drawing From Your Life to Create Your Story, she says, "You need to decide who your target audience is and what message you want to leave them with when they reach the end of the book. If you find that you have no 'point' to your story, it may be best to consider binding some copies for family members as a legacy or as an addition to your family's genealogy collection. If your intent is to see your memoir in the trade marketplace, you need to have a universal theme to which your readers can relate."
Here is a list of universal themes you can incorporate in your memoir: (in alphabetical order)
Abandonment
Abuse
Accepting Change
Adjusting to a New Life
Adoption
Anger
Appearances
Appreciation of Nature
Being Gifted
Brotherhood
Bullies
Belonging
Betrayal
Bondage
Bravery
Caring for the Environment
Censorship
Challenges
Change
Coming of Age
Commitment
Communication
Community
Cooperation
Coping with Loss
Courage and Honor
Cultural Diversity
Customs and Traditions
Dealing with Handicaps
Death and Dying
Denial
Determination
Discrimination
Faith
Diversity
Dreams
Effects of War
Ethical Dilemmas
Euthanasia
Family
Fear
Forgiveness
Freedom
Friendship
Gender Issues
Good vs. Evil
Gratitude
Grief
Growing Up
Guilt
Heroes
Heroism
History
Honesty
Hope
Humor
Immigrants
Initiation
Innocence
Intergenerational Relationships
Invincibility
Jealousy
Leadership
Living in Today's Society
Loneliness
Love
Loyalty
Making Choices
Media
Morals & Values
Patriotism
Peace
Peer Pressure
Poverty
Relationships
Self-esteem
Sense of Community
Sense of Self
Separation and Loss
Social Change
Survival
Taking a Stand
Teamwork
Trust
Violence
By incorporating one or more of these themes into your memoir you'll gain a universal connection to your reader. And that's the power of personal memoir.
I have known Margaret for a few years now. She was one of my first real editing clients, and I worked with her on When Ties Break. When I was first reading her story, I was like: "How could all this happen to one person? She has to be making this up." But it did, and she is still here today to tell her story and hopefully help other women stuck in situations they need to get out of. But what I admire most about Margaret is that she is one of those special people that doesn't take NO for an answer. IF she doesn't like something in her life, she is always looking for a way to change it and she acts on it. She doesn't sit by and complain! She is always reading and learning, and I think that's why she is a good life coach too. Great job, Margaret! Keep it up!
I wasn't prepared for the rush of emotions that I experienced writing my memoirs. I identify with this more than a non memoir writer can understand. Kudos to you Margaret. This genre takes guts
No wonder women are so good at it :)
We can absolutely identify with you on the harshness of writing your memoir, Margaret. My husband and I are both alcohol and drug addicts, and twenty years ago we recognized this about ourselves and went through the 12 Step program.
The thing about the 12 steps is that you already go through the act of revisiting all your actions and confronting your mistakes. So, when we sat down to write our book, we at least had some practice bringing back these old memories.
While going through the 12 Steps ourselves, as well as sponsoring hundreds of others through them the past two decades, writing the book was absolutely fulfilling and healing for us. We hope it offers the same help to those who read it.
Margaret--Yes, memoirs are sometimes tough to write, but as you're composing them, you're reflecting and becoming stronger and working out things in your head (hopefully). Thanks for the post.