“Herbert! How are you?”
“Busy.”
“But you’re here.”
“Um…Yeah.”
“What’s that mean? Why the ‘um…yeah’?”
“Um…”
“Spit it out, Herbert.”
“It’s your suit.”
“My suit?”
“Your soul suit.”
“Oh. That one. Yeah?”
“Um…”
“Just get to it, Herbert. I’m very busy.”
“No you’re not.”
“Okay. I could be very busy, if you weren’t here.”
“Your suit has been recalled.”
“Recalled? You can’t. I’m wearing it.”
“It’s defective. You could get hurt.”
“Everybody hurts.”
“Please don’t sing, Michael.”
“Sorry. I’m just saying, it doesn’t matter what suit you give me I’m still going to bang it up some. Right?”
“We’re unveiling a new suit.”
“And…?”
“And it’s fantastic! You could fall down a flight of stairs and not be scratched at all.”
“I’ve done that.”
“Not that story again.”
“There I was just walking casually down the steps when…”
“Please, Michael. I told you I was busy. I need the suit.”
“Okay. How does this work? How does one slip out of their birthday suit exactly? No buttons or zippers on it or anything.”
“Actually…”
“There are?”
“Of course. Thumb into the belly button…finger in the left ear….and…..just a turn..like….this.”
“Hold up a sec! Where’s the new suit?”
“It’s not done yet. Still some kinks to work out.”
“So what am I supposed to be walking around in?”
“Um…”
“Dont’ give me that ‘um’ thing. You can’t just take my old suit and leave me with nothing.”
“Actually I can. There’s been a recall.”
“You told me that.”
“It’s not safe for you to be walking around.”
“I’ve been fine up until now.”
“But now that there’s been a recall…”
“…you’re worried I’ll sue. I won’t.”
“We can’t take that chance. If you sue Us for everything, heck you get EVERYTHING.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“See? See how your eyes just lit up.”
“Sorry. I couldn’t help it. So what are we going to do?”
“I could swap in a less defective model, I guess.”
“Okay. Like what?”
“Let me check my Blackberry. See what we have in stock….. Okay. Looks like we have a tree sloth suit.”
“I don’t want to be a tree sloth. They can’t type with those claws.”
“Okay. It’s either that….or….a naked mole rat.”
“My kids would love that one. You know you can watch them live at the National Zoo on your computer. http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/SmallMammals/default.cfm?Cam=NMR.”
“Well then. They wouldn’t have to go into the computer, they could just look in their parents room.”
“Can I have some company? Is maybe my wife’s suit defective, too?”
“No. Hers is fine.”
“Does workman’s comp cover this?”
“Please sit still, Michael. This won’t take but a minute.”
“How emmbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeek! Eeeeeeek eeeeeeeek.”
