I saw an interesting exercise for introducing young children to meditation recently. I can’t remember the name of the book it was in and so I hope the author will forgive me for not giving them their deserved recognition, but I thought it was well worth sharing. It goes like this...

Take a jar and fill it with water.

Then take a cup of sand and let the kids add a grain of sand at a time to the water. As they do this, explain to them that the grains of sand are like their thoughts – every day we have thousands of thoughts, some are beautiful, some are nasty, but all of them are just like grains of sand, filling our minds.

Then close the jar and give it a good shake, letting the sand swirl around in the water. Explain to your children how our constant activity and busy-ness in life churns up all sort of thoughts and sends them swirling through our minds.

Then place the jar down and watch it as the sand starts to settle. Explain to them that this is just like meditation. If we take time out each day from our constant activity to just be still and allow the thoughts in our minds to float and settle, eventually our minds will become clear.

There is no effort required – if we try to force the sand to settle by putting a hand in and coaxing it down, all we do is stir up the mind again. All that is needed is stillness, to stop all our doing and just be. Watch your thoughts as they swirl around before they settle. Just watch. And in time your mind will become as clear as the water.

Even very young children can be introduced to the concept of meditation, although they shouldn’t be expected to sit still for any period of time. Let them decide when they are ready. As with anything else, the best way to entice children into an interest in mediation is to be a good example. Children who see you sitting in meditation once or twice a day will naturally develop an interest in meditation and will want to imitate you.

The practice of meditation is one of the greatest gifts that you can give to your child, so take time each day to be a great role model!

There has been a lot of media attention over the past few months about the death of Osama Bin Laden. As a general rule, I avoid the news as it seems to be just another negative opinion being punted out into the world, and I prefer to fill my world with positive thoughts, images and ideas.

However, Bin Laden’s death was everywhere. Every street lamp had a news headline about it, and the overriding impression I got from all the media hype was that people all over the world were celebrating.

I have to say I was horrified. As a mother, I cannot possibly fathom that there are people in this world that will celebrate the murder of another human being. I understand that he may have committed many an offence, but is murder not on that same level then?

Can we truly call ourselves an enlightened, caring, conscious race when we are able to celebrate the murder of another living being? Did anyone consider that this person was someone’s father, someone’s child?

I feel sad right down to the core of my being that as a race we do not value life. How do we come to these conclusions about which life is sacred, and which one should be removed?

I am by no means a political person and I have no interest in the warring in the world, but every time I save an ant from my water jug in the morning I think “this is life, and life is sacred, no matter how big, how small, how saintly or how bad”. If we want a world that is filled with peace, we cannot celebrate murder in any form.

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It occurred to me recently how many meals we prepare with resentment - And I do include myself in this, make no mistake. How many times are we exhausted, overworked, overstressed or simply not in the mood to prepare a meal? I’ve watched myself doing this, and others too, and have to wonder how digestible that food really is by the time we’ve poured our daily grief and resentment into it by the cupful.

I was reading about Masaru Emoto’s Peace Project on the net and if you are not familiar with his experiments, they go something like this: He takes a body of water (be that a glassful or a lakeful) and offers the water different words. The water is prayed for, or has a word written down and stuck to the glass, or shouted at it. He freezes some of the water beforehand, and some afterwards and photographs both at a high magnification so that you can see the water crystals that have formed. Those words with happy messages like “love” or “gratitude” or “peace” form the most beautiful crystals – like perfect little snowdrops. The water with negative words shouted or shown to it, things like “hate” or “you’re stupid” or “war”, form what could be called ugly crystals – they look muddy and unformed. He has even performed this experiment on huge polluted lakes, transforming the water through prayer and meditation.

Try it yourself as a fun little experiment with your kids... Take two jugs of water. Write down “love and gratitude” on a piece of paper and attach it to the one jug. Write down “I hate you” on another piece of paper and attach this to jug number two. Then take two plants – one will be watered with jug one, and the other with jug two. Before you water them, speak kindly to the water one, telling it how much love and gratitude you have and sending these “vibes” into the water. Shout at jug two, filling the water with all the hate you can muster. Keep this up for a month and see what your two plants look like.

Which brings me back to the meals. Most of what we eat, and most of what we are in fact, is made up of water. If our predominant thoughts are of negative concepts like hating what we’re doing at this particular moment, how is this affecting our food, and our health and the health of all those we’re feeding? Both the Chinese and Japanese have the concept of Qi (pronounces Chee), which says a similar thing to what Emoto is proving with his little experiments – the energy field that we have currently affects what we come into contact with. If you are kneading that dough with anger, then the Qi of anger is flowing out of your hands into your dinner.

If we are truly aiming at being conscious parents, then that consciousness needs to flow into everything we do – from playing with our kids to preparing their snacks. Try, when you’re making your next meal, to imagine that whatever emotion you are harboring while you cook is what you are serving up for din-dins.

Are you serving love or resentment for dinner tonight? It’s your choice!

Mother’s Day came and went again this year without my husband so much as making a mention of it. Our children are still too young to participate in these little events, and so we try to do something for each other to show our appreciation for our partner as a wonderful mother/father. I’m not big on needing amazing presents or trips to the theatre – a simple cup of tea in bed and a foot massage would do just fine, thanks!

But no, not a mention.

 This year, I decided that actually I am a wonderful mother and I do deserve a mention for it, and so I practiced a belated ceremony called “Appreciating Me”. I took the day off, bought myself some fantastic new pajamas, had a cup of tea in bed and even gave myself a foot massage.

I realize we can’t all take a day off every day, but I do think we could all do with an “Appreciating Me” day as often as possible. If you don’t love and approve of yourself, who else will? And if you do love and approve of yourself then you really don’t need anybody else to as well. It’s a win-win situation. And it’s something that I think mothers, in particular, should be practicing more often. Find a little something special that you can do for yourself every week – take some time off from the kids (yes, your kids will survive a morning with your husband) and do something that nurtures you – have brunch with a friend, take a walk in the park, go for a massage, spend the morning lying in the sun reading a book.

Let’s make “Appreciating Me” a standard weekly date for all mothers around the world. Trust me, by taking time out and really loving and nurturing yourself, it is not just you that benefits – you’ll come home happier, more relaxed and better able to be a wonderful mother, a fabulous wife, and I’d go as far as to say that the world in general will be a better place!

My husband’s phone rang the other day and he starts with this long whine, “Ahhh, I really don’t want to speak to him right now…”. It was the end of a long day of listening to whining kids who were now, on this rare occasion, actually asleep on schedule and I was not in the mood to have my peace interrupted. I snapped back, “Well, don’t answer it then – you’re not a slave to your phone, you know”.

A few days later there I was with a quiet afternoon of crafty activities planned for the kids and my phone rings. An hour later I’m still on it, 3 year-old hanging on my leg begging me to get on with our winter fairy crowns and I’m doing the “just five more minutes, love, I’m coming”. So I got to thinking about how much we do enslave ourselves to these mobile devices. How could I be more present with someone on the other side of the city than with my own kids in the same room?

I propose that we start a ‘Moms Minimizing Mobile Minutes’ movement – a simple pact to turn off our phones for one hour a day of pure presence with our children.

I know, I know, I’m also of the Blackberry generation where we’re practically born with speed typing machines instead of thumbs, but come on – don’t we owe it to our little ones not to let these devices get between us all the time?

I think we do.

There is nothing to sign, no-one who’ll beat you up if you don’t, but I urge you to join me in the MMMM movement and the rewards will be self-evident.

I heard about a woman who, above her infant’s crib, put up the sign: “If I kill the baby, I will go to jail”!

I laughed hard when I heard that as it struck such a chord in my own heart and I thought all new mothers should have such a sign.

We hear a lot about the joys and blessings of having a newborn, but how often do we talk about how difficult it can be? How often do we talk about the torture of sleep deprivation or the endless crying or the hormonal dips? Before having children you can never fathom how thin the line really is between the child abuser and the rest of us.

When my toes touched that line it looked something like this: darkened room (the baby WILL go to sleep now), two-year-old crying for attention in the next room, baby crying, me crying, no sign of anything quieting down now or in the next 5 million years. Just as I’m literally ready to do physical damage to the little one, I manage to find that last ounce of strength to drag myself away, run outside and start howling and smashing all the jars I’d been saving in my outside cupboard for making baby food. If you read my last blog – that would be the screaming banshee mom!

I didn’t berate myself for being a terrible parent – I used it as a point of compassion. It is easy to judge another as different or worse or unlike us, but to have true compassion for another being we need to look at our similarities. If we find the place within ourselves where these unspeakable behaviors originate, not only can we begin to change ourselves, but we can also begin to heal all those around us.

Some people do kill the baby, some do go to jail. Our judgment does not fix these wrongs or heal any wounds.

Gandhi once said, “be the change you want to see in the world”. Start by finding compassion for yourself in these darkest moments and then extend this to those whom you think it unthinkable to feel compassion for.  At that point you will really start to see the change. Until then, keep the sign over the crib.

Yes, motherhood is an art. It reminds me of those old Chinese paintings and their careful attention to balance. One must attempt to balance out the Yang (the large foreboding mountains) with the Yin (the gentle trickling stream). Yup, I’m familiar with that – balancing out the Yang (the screaming banshee mom) with the Yin (the sobbing quietly to herself in the corner mom).

One must also pay attention to all elements with the design – to fire, earth, water, metal, and wood. A fine balance indeed – the fiery pot on the stove with tonight’s burned dinner, muddy earth being trampled through the house, the watery flood of the forgotten bath, the sharp metal of your new knife cutting through the furniture, and the woody branch heading for a sibling’s eye. I know aaaaall about the elements!

But is this motherhood really? Is motherhood not the art of giving up the balance occasionally? Is it not sitting on the kitchen floor in the midst of the chaos to hold a small child as they ride out their tantrum?

And is it not, sometimes, in our least balanced moments that a picture starts to emerge? And is it any less beautiful because it got colored in with a pink marker pen? Perhaps it’s time for the Old Masters of Chinese Art to accept a touch of Postmodernism.

Food for thought: Are you the artist, the artwork, or both?

Now the first notion that you need to get right out of your head is that just because you are the older one does not mean that your kids are here to learn from you. It seems likely to me that the exact opposite is actually the case. You have kids because there are vital lessons that you need to learn for your ultimate spiritual progress.

Now imagine for a minute that your little darling – Mike, Anna, Jack, Mary or whatever else you might have decided to call your Zen Master for the duration of your lessons -  is in fact God speaking directly to you. In exchange for the teachings, you are providing the Master with food, shelter and other daily necessities.

Would you give God take-out every night or cook delicious, nutritious meals with love? Would you leave God in front of the TV for most of the day or provide an environment buzzing with creative stimuli? Would you lose your temper every time God gave you a difficult lesson, or would you accept it simply and with grace? Would you presume to tell God exactly what to eat and when, what to wear, how to cut his hair, which friends to hang out with? I hardly think so.

Not that I, by any means, am saying that this is easy. Spiritual lessons seldom are. In fact, just this week my own Zen Masters have given me some pretty harsh lessons in compassion – compassion for myself that is. For when you have worked non stop, cooked, sorted, been available for reading stories and singing songs and all the other hundred things a mother does in the course of her daily tasks, and then been screamed at, had one long tantrum after the next and an uncountable amount of other things designed in pitch and volume to test your patience, one is allowed, sometimes, to crack.  And when you do, and your Zen Masters are looking at you like their student just lost the plot, it is not the time to pile on the self-guilt.

Compassion. It starts with you.

One lesson down, one million, eight hundred thousand and fifty four to go.

I was driving home from preschool with my two young daughters the other day and they were really keen to visit my friend, Melissa. "We can't see Melissa today", I explained, "she's gone to Cape Town to visit her Godmother".
"What's a Godmother?" comes the chorus from the back.
I try to explain. "Well, it is the parents' responsibility to introduce their kids to spiritual ideas and make sure that their spiritual needs are met - like you would ensure that they had food to eat or clothing. Parents appoint Godparents so that if they die there is still someone to ensure that this continues. The Godparents make sure that the kids grow up learning about whatever religion the parents had. So, Christians will choose Christian Godparents, Jews will choose Jewish ones... it all depends on what religion you are."
From my 5-year-old, Kai: "What religion are we?"
"Um... well... I have my own beliefs, but you guys are free to choose any religion that you like."
To which Kai responds: "I want to be Buddha".

You go girl! I couldn't think of a better way to sum up spirituality. It's all very well to choose a religion, but how often are we simply adding a label to our self-image - I am a Christian, I am a Hindu, I am a New-Ager, or whatever. But how many of us actually strive to be Buddha or to be Christ-like?

I think that all too often we have an idea of what a spiritual person "should" be like and we adopt these spiritual "markers" without getting to the essence of what they're supposed to represent. It is easier to "be a vegetarian" than to feel compassion for another living being, it is easier to get rid of all our possessions than to let go of attachment, it is easier to sit in the lotus position for hours than it is to truly be the witness to our minds as we go about the business of life.

Children have such a knack for hitting the proverbial nail on the head, and I think most of this is due to a lack of pretences, and not yet having crushed thir belief in themselves to attain the best in life.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all had the noble goal of not being Buddhists, but of being Buddha!

YOU WITH THE STARS IN YOUR EYES
Deepak Chopra
Ages 4-8

I have read most of Deepak's adults books, and I was so excited that he had now done something for kids that I didn't even think to check it out before purchasing.

I have to say I was somewhat disappointed. It's a nice idea and has some lovely illustrations, but the acid test for me is always in the reactions of my kids, and they did not respond to this book at all. Some of the concepts went right over their heads - things like "the Illuminated Ones" and "light is pure awareness". Now, I've never been one to dumb down to my children and their vocabularies are very advanced for their ages, but I still think that there are more accessible ways to approach these subjects with young children. The story here was not particularly engaging, and if I take the book out to read to my kids their immediate reaction is "moooom, not that one".

Sorry Deepak - I love your work, and hopefully once my kids are in high school they will too!

OH THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
DR SEUSS
Ages 3 and up

I realise that Dr. Seuss may not be the first person you think of when looking for spiritual books for kids, but this charming story is so packed full of life's little truths that it certainly deserves a mention.

It is beautifully written, easy to read, fun, and filled with the usual crazy Dr Seuss landscapes and creatures. By the end of the book you really do feel like you could move mountains. From choosing your path and positive thinking to dealing with slumps and loneliness, all wrapped up in a perfect 10 minute bedtime story.

There are a few books on my kids' shelves that I'll be hanging onto for myself once they grow up - this is number one! I think that all adults and kids could do with a Dr Seuss style pep talk every now and again.

"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So... get on your way!"

Have a wonderful week.

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THE CONSCIOUS PARENT
Shefali Tsabary, PhD
For parents of any age.

The book is clearly not about being the perfect parent. It is about being real in your experience with your kids, and getting down off your pedestal and relating to them as equals, without abandoning the need for structure and discipline. 

For me, the essence of the book was how to take the parenting experience and use it as one of the most powerful tools for self-transformation that there is. I have always referred to my own kids as my Zen Masters, there to teach me some of the hardest, but most valuable lessons in life, and The Conscious Parent embodies this spirit.

If you are going to buy one parenting book in your life, make it this one. There are no prescriptive guidelines as to how to raise your children (it's not the manual you wish they were born with), and no quick fixes to your family problems, but it definitely will transform your life, how you relate to your children (whatever age they may be), and, through your own growth, will bring peace to your family.

If you enjoyed this book and/or would like a little more insight, I also recommend listening to Dr Shefali's interviews on Namaste Publishing's blog talk radio. You can access her past interviews here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/namasteradio/page/2

HOPE FOR THE FLOWERS
Trina Paulus
Ages: 5 - 105

This one stands out as my favorite book for both adults and children at the moment.

What a breath of fresh air from the usual insipid range of spiritual books for children. Trina Paulus's Hope For The Flowers combines simple, delightful illustrations with a charming, inspirational and thought provoking story about a caterpillar on a search.

There is absolutely nothing pretentious about this book. It is simple enough for a three year old to enjoy, and yet profound enough for any adult to benefit from its wisdom.

Whether you're 5 or 105 this story will touch your heart and bring you back to your true path, the path of the butterfly.