First, let me take care of a little post-contest business. Surprisingly, we’re still waiting on quite a few winners to send us their material for critique. We’re guessing there’s some furious writing and polishing going on. We’d like to request, however, that all winners’ materials be e-mailed to our blog account by June 15th. This seems a reasonable amount of time to polish a synopsis and first chapter, and frankly, I’ll be going on maternity leave a few weeks later and don’t want Jessica to be shouldered with any remaining responsibility.
If your entry didn’t win a free critique, but you’re just dying to know what a BookEnds agent or another agency might think of your work, consider bidding on an evaluation at bestselling author Brenda Novak’s Online Auction to Benefit Diabetes Research. There are some top-notch agents and editors offering critiques there and some other terrific items to bid on. Best of all, it’s going to a great cause!
Moving on . . .
Once the contest ended two things really struck me as I looked back over the results:
1 — The common denominator in all of our winners was a strong voice. Jessica wrote an article about voice a week ago that sparked a great discussion. What seems apparent to me here, though, is that when given only 100 words with which to judge, we always found ourselves reeled in by the voice first and foremost. The hook was secondary.
I think that’s part of the reason we pulled out so many first-person points of view. It can be the toughest perspective to execute well, but can immediately draw the reader into a certain intimacy with the narrator that’s tough to achieve with a third-person POV. Does that mean Jessica and I favor first-person manuscripts? Not at all. While a first-person POV can create that faster connection with the audience, it’s a relationship that can quickly sour. It’s easy for a reader to grow sick of the narrator. That’s why it’s such a tricky skill to master.
Clearly a strong voice is important to a successful book, but I’d also like to clarify that just because a voice may not have struck us in the first 100 words doesn’t mean the manuscript is lacking a great one. It can often be something that builds. In fact, I just signed a client who entered one of our contests and didn’t even make honorable mention. But when I read her submission, I totally fell in love with her voice. I love the story and the characters too, but her writing style is really what hooked me. So please don’t be discouraged from submitting based on the contest results. It was a daunting task to judge based on 100 words, and so we had to make our decisions much differently than we might in the submission process.
2 — This business really is amazingly subjective. I’ll be honest. I really thought to myself while I was judging, “Oh yeah . . . Jessica’s going to pick this one.” I was almost always wrong. Having worked with her over the last four years, I think I have a pretty good idea of her likes and dislikes. I know which projects to pass on to her because they're more up her alley than mine. But even so, there’s a certain something special between a reader and the words on the page that’s impossible for an outsider to understand. I just couldn’t predict how Jessica would react to those words: which ones would strike a chord and which she’d gloss over. That strange chemistry is even harder to pin down when it’s based on so few words.
Personally, I embrace that subjectivity. It’s part of what I love about this business. The unpredictability keeps the industry exciting. Sure, there’s enough common ground among publishing professionals to keep the business running and establish relationships between author, agent, and editor, but taste still plays a huge factor. There are plenty of NYT bestsellers that I just didn’t “get.” I know Jessica and Jacky would say the same (though their examples would likely be different). There are others that totally clicked with me that I know were panned by other publishing professionals. It’s a fun debate and one I’ll talk about soon in an upcoming post.
In the meantime, what did you learn from the BookEnds contest? And once we’ve had our break . . . what would you like to see in the next contest?
Kim
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Here they are! The last group of honorable mentions . . .
Jessica’s Picks:
Only three honorable mentions for me today. Great category and one that I tend to be incredibly picky about. I like my romantic suspense to be suspenseful, unpredictable, and fast-paced.
Anonymous 11:30 am -- Save the Last Kill for Her
Hadiya ran her boat close to the undersea shelf, and cut the engines. A heavy stillness seemed to descend on the night, as oppressive as the cloak of equatorial humidity.
She was alone, apart from Ovimbi who hunkered silent on the prow watching the black blot of mainland.
There was no breeze.
No moon.
Just the spatter of Milky Way across the dark vault of African sky.
Then she felt it. A silent surge beneath the hull. A sway. The life of the sea transferring motion into her body as her boat listed gently. Hadiya’s pulse quickened.
I fought this one, I’m going to be honest. I think an international setting can be very tricky for this genre. In the end, though, I was riveted by this opening and really couldn’t pass it up. I liked the atmosphere on this and definitely felt the suspense. Really great work.
DL -- The Contract
As Cassandra wriggled through the underbrush, wisps of fog snaked like malignant tendrils up her nostrils, filling her throat and lungs, squeezing the air out of her in short, sharp gasps. In vain, she tried to fight the panic, tried to convince herself that the fog was her friend, muffling her awkward movement and concealing her in its clammy grasp. But, her irrational mind feared it, like it feared the muzzle of her tormentor’s gun, taking her back to that earthen cell she’d so recently escaped. Damp. Suffocating. Like a grave. Her grave. Only she wasn’t ready to die.
An interesting setup and I was intrigued enough to want to read more. I’m curious about the earthen cell and who Cassandra is running from. Curious enough that you would have me reading more.
Anonymous 8:20 pm — Unlock the Truth
Dena Roman stared at her reflection in the mirror on the opposite wall of the elevator. The evening Criminal Justice classes were taking their toll. The desire to find her sister's murderer--to walk on Cabrera's land where Carli's body was found--had become an obsession.
She stepped out at the penthouse level and grimaced at the gold lettering on the doors: Steven Brennan & Associates, Public Relations. Her days here would be numbered when conservative Steve found out what she'd done. She shrugged. If Zeke Cabrera called back, if he fell for her plan, she'd deal with being fired.
I like the feeling of an average, very normal woman taking on such a huge job and I like the danger this has seemingly put her in, the simple thought of losing her job to possibly losing her life. Really intriguing premise and I would definitely want to see more.
Kim’s Picks:
Anonymous 2:00 PM
“Do you love me?”
I liked the sound of his voice on my body. It tickled in the right places, the dead places.
“Tell me you love me.” His command was soft, terrifying.
I shook my head, slowly; the flint of anger in his eyes flared. But these were not his words to have, not from me. His long fingers wrapped around my neck, and I breathed the deep, hard breath of ecstasy. Whether orgasm or death was irrelevant, the year past had left me empty and prepared for either. And the bitter taste of ending was near.
I really loved this. There’s so many open questions. This guy sounds very dangerous, yet he still turns her on. Why are parts of her already dead? Is she really about to die? Part of me hopes not, because I love this voice, but her chances aren’t looking good. I’m dying to know more.
Jules — Dark Revenge
The coolness of fall languished in the stale, rotting leaves at his feet, as the tall male threw his satchel to the ground. Quivering nostrils inhaled a fresh, crisp shot of air, and blew out a fine mist of warmth in return. He was well over six feet in height, and moved with a sinuous grace that was uncommon for one as large as he.
It did not bode well that Jaxon Castille was working.
In his particular area of expertise, it meant that someone was going to die.
It wouldn’t be pretty; death never was. But it would be quick.
It’s not uncommon to open with a killer’s POV. I think the reason this particular example struck me was because the prose is lean, but also very descriptive. I was immediately drawn in and am eager to learn more about Jaxon Castille.
Anonymous 5:23 pm -- Golden
We lie here on our dark liquid blanket, and the bugs crawl all around us. I hear their legs lick the earth, wings whisper against the leaves and grass.
During those moments when I go silent, he asks me: Don’t you come babe? but I don’t answer. I only laugh in secret at the question. He thinks he’s the greatest lover in the world. He’s seventeen, yet he’s Casanova.
Doesn’t he know what a cliché we are? A cheerleader and a jock?
Tomorrow, I’m going to tell his girlfriend everything.
Your boyfriend rapes me. Have a nice day.
I’ll be honest. I usually hate anything written in the present tense. And I’ll admit that I’m hoping that the narrative switches over soon after this excerpt ends. As I read it now, the tense feels like a way of differentiating this voice from the rest of the book. But obviously I don’t know that for sure. I’m just rather fascinated by this bitchy character and I want to see what happens to her. I have a feeling she’ll be coming to a bad end. . . .
That wraps up our honorable mentions!! Look for some contest musings in blogs to come. . . .
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As I said yesterday, we were really impressed with this group of entries. I want to reiterate (for like the gazillionth time . . .) that you shouldn’t feel discouraged if we didn’t pick your entry. There was a lot of great material to choose from, and we can only pick what happens to strike us with those first 100 words. So if you’re looking for an agent on a project in one of these categories, you should definitely still query us. The query letter, or the 101st word, might just blow us away!
Let’s get to our honorable mentions . . .
Jessica’s picks:
We were only supposed to pick three honorable mentions each, but I had a really, really difficult time narrowing my list, so, since the rules seem to shift from contest to contest, I’m going to list four honorable mentions.
This was not an easy week. I think my short list, usually five titles, was somewhere around eight or nine, and narrowing that further was nearly impossible, but here we go . . .
Rodney —When Hearts Cry Out
Trudy Hale had watched seventy-four-year-old Liz McCall circle the parking lot six times.
“Mornin’ Liz. You doin’ okay?”
“Fair to middlin’.” Liz patted the sides of her sprayed stiff hair, the color of which resembled an uncirculated silver dollar. “I swear . . . some of those fools must’ve gotten their driver’s license out of a box of Cracker Jacks.”
Trudy pointed to an empty parking place only feet away from the salon. “Why didn’t you take that spot?”
“Shit. Do you really think I’d park my Cadillac next to that big old bucket that Vivian’s husband is driving?”
This had the feeling of really great, funny Southern women’s fiction to me. I laughed when I read this and got a very clear picture of everything that was going on. I could see Liz and Trudy and I could see the parking lot and the cars. Mostly though, I loved the thought of where this might be going and I love these characters already. They have great voices and seem fun, the kind of people you want to follow through a day.
Shalanna -- Little Rituals
My life is filled with little rituals. I don't know when or how I invented them; I don't always rationally believe they work.
Everyone knocks on wood and avoids the thirteenth floor. Who doesn't cross her fingers now and then? But the most powerful rite is more abstract: do something selfless, something selfish, then a random, anonymous act of kindness. In that order. Within a span of forty-eight hours.
Since we buried Cheryl three weeks ago, I haven't been controlling myself very well, so I turned to ritual to give me control.
This is the charm that heals, I hope.
I’ll confess I get a lot of books about OCD and I suspect that’s what this is, but the voice was great here and I was definitely interested in finding out more about the protagonist. I like how she talks about her rituals and I like the way we’re left, hoping for healing.
Anonymous 9:50 pm — Stella June
Stella showed up on a Sunday. I remember exactly the time and place she entered my life and for years afterwards would wonder if she had any inkling of the damage she would cause. Tired and worn from one of Granddaddy’s sermons, legendary in our county for their length and fervor, I didn’t know who she was at first. Having never seen my mama, I only knew that this strange woman was the cause of the greatest spectacle Sparta had ever seen since the youngest Hyde child blew up the local bakery with an M-80 and his daddy’s shotgun. But this was different.
The voice, the writing, this is really a great entry. I immediately felt attracted to this protagonist. I felt sorry for her and was fascinated by her. Her voice shines through with a touch of Southern, but not too much that it becomes hard to read. And I really, really want to know more about Stella June and the trouble she’s going to cause.
Jeannie Ruesch — Petals of the Rose
The measured clip of her heels was a familiar sound. The aroma of disinfectant and pumped-in air conditioning filled her lungs. The sterile white walls were as familiar as home --more so, according to Nate. But as Dr. Danielle Stevens strode down the hallway, she sucked in deep breaths to calm sudden nerves. In all the scenarios she’d imagined seeing Melanie again this had never been an option.
Danielle was a pediatric cardiologist. She may have wished a number of things upon her former best friend’s head, but needing her expertise...
No, this was never — never — one of them.
I couldn’t let this entry go. This is the kind of book that grabbed me because of the potential. What a horrible, horrible situation to be in. You’ve tugged at my heartstrings in the first 100 words. That’s really powerful and I’m dying to know where this is going to take us. Is this a story about saving a child? About the relationship of two friends? What’s going to happen next? Well done.
Kim’s picks:
Anonymous 11:01 am — Revealing Gigi
There are many silences.
There is the sort created by standing perfectly still in an uninhabited space under a huge sky. That silence is riveting; a surreal sensation of wishing the moment would not ever end because somehow the lack of sound brings a brief moment of understanding.
Then there is the kind of peace in those small quiet moments. Just pockets void of dissonance that allow my brain to process the day.
Finally, there is the awkward variety. It springs up between two people who have said far too much, for too long, with words that meant nothing at all.
I just found the writing here terrific and insightful. Even though I haven’t officially met any characters yet, I’m wanting to know about the two people who’ve said too much. There’s an implied mystery behind those words that is subtle, yet so intriguing. I’m hungry to see where this is going. . . .
Caren Crane — Tiara Wars
Katie Warren's husband Larry haunted her garden.
With the North Carolina June suffocating her like a magnolia-scented blanket, she could almost see his grass-stained Topsiders and white lawyer's ankles peering at her from behind the hedge as they had the day he died.
Despite the "Southern Living" layout potential around her, the memory of Larry's legs sucked the joy right out of her retreat. Which only fueled her anger at him.
A burst of "Für Elise" sent her pruning shears flying. She fished the phone from her pocket.
"Mom," Callista barked. "Where are you? I've been waiting 15 minutes already."
Like Jessica, I’m a sucker for a strong Southern women’s fiction voice. The imagery of the first few sentences is terrific. I’ll admit that I wish I hadn’t been jolted away from it so quickly, but I’d still want to find out more about the husband’s death and hear what else this narrator has to share.
Robb — Hannah's Voice
“Pancakes.”
With that one word, I broke my silence of a dozen years.
“I said I want the goddamn pancakes.”
Finally, I got what I really wanted. Not the pancakes, but some silence. Everyone else shut up. Finally.
I didn’t decide to stop talking forever, or even for twelve years. I just chose not to speak at a moment in time. Sometimes decisions have a way of forging your future, setting a path before you that you must travel, even if you’re only six years old when you make the choice.
#
“Hannah, did you clean your room?”
It just occurred to me that I chose two entries that talk about silence. Maybe I was having a particularly loud day? No. These entries resonated with me for different reasons. I like that I’m being brought into the story at a pivotal moment. And that this momentous occasion—finally speaking after twelve years—is marked by such an everyday word: “pancakes.” The narrator is just brilliant, and complicated and somebody I’d love to learn more about.
Great work, everybody! You blew us away! And to think there’s just one more contest to judge. . . .
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I don’t know why, but I’m still surprised when Jessica and I compare notes and find that we have very different picks. In the end, though, we were still able to come up with a definite winner and two runners-up. (For the record, the delay in this post was never due to a hung jury . . . but to travel schedules.)
I was really pleased with the entries in this category. There was a lot of great writing, but also attention to hooking the reader. I think that once we move out of the narrower genres, such as romance and mystery, writers sometimes think that it’s not as important to leave the reader in suspense. Truthfully, it’s always important to keep your audience hanging in some way. Withholding information keeps those pages turning. And from these entries, it seems like a lot of you understand that. We were impressed.
That said, let’s get to the winner. . . .
Anonymous 2:10 pm -- UNTITLED
I wasn’t sure at which point I’d be crossing that line I promised Daddy I never would. When I picked up the envelope of crisp hundred dollar bills off her desk? Or when I stuffed it in my pocket. Maybe when I walked out the door with it, onto my new life; when I was officially stealing Marcy’s dream and replacing it with mine.
I liked the heft of those forty bills in my hand. Brand new from the bank. I fanned them out like a poker hand. Daddy always liked new money. “It ain’t stealing, Noreen,” he’d tell me.
Jessica: When reading these women’s fiction entries I realized that what really grabbed my attention, besides writing and voice, of course, was potential. Where did this author leave me and what was the potential for this book? I liked this voice a lot and I definitely liked all that it left me wondering about. I’m anxious to know more about her relationship with her father, Marcy and her dream, and of course Noreen and where she’s headed. Well done and congratulations!
Kim: I just love the writing. Another example of very lean, efficient prose. On top of that we’re being introduced to a very intriguing character. Noreen is certainly flawed, but she also seems to come with a lot of baggage, which somehow makes her more sympathetic. She also clearly recognizes the gravity of her actions. She knows that she’s sacrificing her friend’s dream for her own. So what has led her to do something this desperate? I’m hooked!
Nice work, Anonymous! When you’re ready for us to critique your query letter, synopsis, and first chapter, please send them to us via the blog’s e-mail link.
On to the runners-up!
Anonymous 3:00 pm -- Lifeline
I decided I didn’t believe in lifelines when a palm reader in Tampa refused to read mine. She frowned and pushed my hand aside. “Too short,” she said, pushing my money back toward me. “I don’t deliver that kind of news.” I rolled my eyes and left.
But I reconsidered the possibility, looking down at my bloody body on the gurney, putting out a flat heart rate. “Damn,” said the tired young doctor. He sighed. “I’ll call it. Time of death, 4:20 pm.” I died on August 9th. 34 years old. I studied my palm. That is a short lifeline.
Jessica: Of course I like the paranormal element in this. I confess, I’ve always had a thing for dead people. Again, what a great setup, and there’s so much potential here for what’s going to happen next. Great voice too. As we all know, it’s all in the voice, and this book definitely has that. I really liked it.
Kim: I liked that this entry threw me for a loop. It’s not like I haven’t read books/submissions with dead narrators before. But I liked the way this one was introduced. Because the voice had a certain energy and angst in those first few sentences, it surprised me to learn he/she was no longer alive. The book could go anywhere from this point on, and I’d be eagerly turning the pages to find out what direction the author takes.
Shirley — With This Ring
Amy Kerrigan struggled to remain calm. One glance at her estranged husband made that almost impossible.
Although no longer the shy, insecure girl who came to Darkhaven as Brody’s bride, Amy feared the impending meeting. It lay over her head like the sword of Damocles.
Up ahead was Gaelen’s house, nestled in its grove of oaks.
The car turned into the avenue. The last leaves of autumn clung to the trees. Fallen leaves lay in mouldering heaps against the railings, and beneath the sod, bulbs waited for spring.
As did the malevolent secrets of Darkhaven.
Amy shivered, suddenly very afraid.
Jessica: This opening has a great gothic feel to it. I love the description, enough to give a really strong feeling for what Amy is seeing and experiencing, but not too much that it overtakes the story. And again, I love the potential for where this story might take me. Is it going to be creepy, emotional? What is going to happen with her and that house? Really, great voice and great setup.
Kim: Ummm . . . I think I’ve mentioned once or twice (or a hundred times) that I’m a sucker for gothics. This entry feels almost like an updated Rebecca. I would eat up any women’s fiction with that creepy, gothic feel, but that tackles bigger, more mature issues than just the suspense story. I’m hoping that since this entry is in women’s fiction instead of one of the romance categories that this is just where it’s leading!
Congratulations to the runners-up! Amazing work! We’ll be posting our honorable mentions tomorrow.
Now it’s time for our very last genre contest!
THE ROMANTIC SUSPENSE CONTEST IS TODAY!!!
Here are the rules — READ THEM!
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, April 11th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then recap the entire contest!!
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As usual, everyone did a great job in this category, but there were a few more entries that really stood out for us. . . .
Jessica’s picks:
Anonymous 10:59am -- Secondary Targets
MCAS Cherry Point
Present Day
To say that General Michael Hendricks’ days were numbered was not necessarily accurate. Hours--maybe. Seconds--probably. Days--doubtful.
Midnight had crept upon him in silence, bringing with it no viable solutions. A small desk lamp cast a faint glow over his worry-ridden face.
Damn. How could I have been so careless? The words poured over him like a scalding hot shower. Reality had barged it’s way in, pulled up a chair and sat down.
There was nothing left. No time. No solutions. No easy or quick fixes. And certainly not a smidgeon of luck.
The voice is everything for me with these words. I like the quick, sharp prose and the feeling of helplessness we see in the character. I also like the military side of this, that intrigues me and makes me wonder where this is going.
Ray -- Untitled
Jake Black stretched in his car seat and imagined the suspected terrorist charging out of the house across the street, AK 47 spewing bullets. Anything to break up the boredom--in Jake's business, drowsy equaled dead.
His cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He flicked it open--damn, he'd made it clear that his daughter's nanny was never to call him on the job.
"What?"
Gretchen's whisper shook. "Your wife--she's here."
Impossible. "How?"
"I don't know. The doorbell rang, and there she was."
Dear God. "Does she have Amy?"
"I tried to stop her, Mr. Black, I tried."
I love the idea of a stakeout or a sting operation, so already I’m interested in this, but when you throw in the possibility of this man’s family getting caught in the middle you have my attention. That’s a twist you rarely see in something like this and definitely has me interested in more.
Kim’s picks:
Anonymous 4:48 pm -- A Shame Too Great
Nolan Spencer witnessed his first murder when he was eight. He wasn’t supposed to be skulking in the dark crevices of an alleyway, he was supposed to be carrying out the deed. Initiation. Was the killing of the naked lady, sprawled listlessly in the snow covered street, a part of this initiation? Nolan nibbled on his frozen knuckles and pictured his buddies huddled together in conspiracy. They were tucked safely away in the abandoned basement of the Iron Works. Be brave, he thought, this is what it’s all about. The killer turned and locked eyes with the boy.
I liked the unique POV here. Here’s a young kid that’s bound to get into all sorts of trouble in the coming years, if he’s getting mixed up with a gang. But that whole mess hasn’t even started and already he finds himself in a dangerous situation that presumably isn’t even linked to the unsavory characters he’s been hanging out with. I’m rooting for the kid: hoping he doesn’t get killed for what he’s just witnessed, and wishing the whole situation will scare him straight!
Claire -- Untitled
I had an uncanny knack for finding the kind of people who usually didn’t want to be found. Sam Weber had been no different, except that when I found her she was dead. I should never have broken my own protocol and taken the job. When I started seeing orange I ought to have trusted my instincts and quit.
“You came then.”
Harvey Lee Reynolds. Brother of the deceased and philandering ass hole.
“What‘s that supposed to mean?”
I felt naked without my gun. It had seemed right not to bring it to the funeral, now it just felt foolish.
I just really liked the voice from the first sentence. Why hadn’t Sam wanted to be found and how did she end up dead? The best part of the excerpt, however, is the last line. The reader’s led to believe this Harvey guy is just some obnoxious boob, but all of the sudden the narrator thinks he should have his gun on him. Are there going to be two dead bodies at this funeral? Great setup.
That does it for the thriller/suspense category! The contest is winding down. You’ve all done a terrific job so far. We’re really enjoying this!
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It became clear in the thriller/suspense contest that some of the contestants are either not really reading the rules or choosing not to follow them. Unfortunately, this caused a bit of a problem for Jessica and me when we judged the contest.
We went through and made our list of top picks. We agreed on three entries. Then I decided to check the word count. To this point, we’d been trusting that everyone was abiding by the rules. We hadn’t been militant about checking it. But when it became clear that other commenters were noticing the length, we decided we needed to look into it. Unfortunately, two of the three contestants disqualified themselves by going over the 100 words, so this made picking the winner a no-brainer. If it came down to just two or three extra words, we may have let it slide (after all, we’re English/Journalism majors . . . we can sympathize with the mathematically challenged), but both were over by more than 15 words. We just couldn’t ignore that, and to be honest we were disappointed and irritated. Due to that situation, there isn’t a runner-up for the category. Honorable mentions will be featured tomorrow.
So congratulations to Spyscribbler for a great entry — and for actually following the rules!
Spyscribbler — For Love or Country
I sometimes imagine things had ended differently. I imagine the special smile he gave me, the way he always knew when I slipped into a room. I imagine the way he undressed me, his hands just grazing my skin, his eyes gazing at me in wonder, as if surprised I was his.
I was only ever partly his.
It started the way it ended, with the door of my apartment crashing open. The man looked angry enough to kill, but his gun was still a bulge under his jacket.
“Who are you?” I demanded.
But I knew. I already knew.
Jessica’s thoughts: What a great setup. I like the comparison to ending the way it began and I really like the last line. This is a lead-in that wants you to read more because there’s so much left to discover. Who is it and in what direction is this story going? It’s rare that I think first person works in thrillers, so even I was surprised by my own reaction to this.
Kim’s thoughts: I really liked how the opening changed from this warm nostalgic feeling to something much more chilling. The narrator, herself, is intriguing. Why was she only “partly his”? Was there someone else? Did she have any love for the man she’s remembering? Or did she just have a physical relationship with him? And who’s at the door? How will all of it connect? I’m eager to learn the answers!
Spyscribbler, when you’re ready for your critique, please send your query letter, synopsis, and first chapter to the e-mail link on the blog. Congrats again!
TODAY IS THE WOMEN’S FICTION CONTEST!!! Both historical and contemporary entries will be accepted, but the focus of the story needs to deal with women’s issues and appeal to a female audience.
Here are the rules — READ THEM!
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, March 28th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then move on to the next genre. Keep an eye out for your category!
Blog: BookEnds, LLC - A Literary Agency (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: contest, 100-word contest, genre contest, Add a tag
It was bound to happen sooner or later. . . . There were so many terrific entries in the historical romance category that Jessica and I managed to each pick five without having any matches! So we’ve decided to do something different this time. We each chose a winner and two runners-up. That’s right! We’re awarding two critiques this time. Neither one of us were willing to compromise on our choices, so this seemed the best solution.
Jessica’s thoughts:
I’m so excited that Kim and I could not agree on a winner. First of all, that means two critiques and four honorable mentions, but it also shows how completely subjective this business is. Crazy! Two people who love so many of the same books and authors have such different tastes when it comes to those first 100 words. There were so many great openings here that I really had a hard time picking, but in the end I’m required to pick a winner.
So my winner is . . .
Devon Matthews —Wild Texas Rose
Texas - 1885
Trey Delaney stood amid the cinders next to the iron rails and watched the Southern Pacific fade into the shimmering heat veils on the horizon. What did he expect? That the train might suddenly throw on its brakes and start rolling backward because one last passenger had forgotten to get off?
Not likely.
He’d never been much of a praying kind of man. He figured divine intervention was reserved for those who were too helpless to help themselves, but as he’d watched the few passengers disembark at the depot a whispered, “Please, God,” slipped from his lips.
She hadn’t come.
I even surprised myself by picking this one. As you’ll see, most of my picks are Regencies, but I was really excited by this voice and in the end this was the stand-out for me. The agony that Trey feels when she doesn’t get off the train comes through easily and makes me want to hear more. And of course I’m dying to know who he’s waiting for. I also think this opening was a little different from the rest. It stood above the others in my mind.
Kim’s winner is . . .
Anonymous 12:04 am — Myddleford
London --1486
The soles of his boots were roasting. He could feel it. He could smell it. That wasn't a problem; Ranulf wanted to die with warm feet. The problem was the fat bishop who waited for an answer like a dog waits for table scraps.
Life in return for loyalty.
For too many months Ranulf had watched as old friends were dragged off for execution. Death had become his only reliable companion. Death had become a friend.
“Sounds like a poor bargain to me.” He stamped one smoking boot on the stone floor. His feet were warm enough.
I love that we’re being thrown into the hero’s dire situation right off the bat. But what’s even better is the character’s sense of humor about the whole thing. “Ranulf wanted to die with warm feet.” I can tell that this is a hero I’ll love reading about from beginning to end . . . I’m dying to find out what will happen next. Why have his friends been executed? And how the heck is he going to get out of this mess? I’d definitely keep turning the pages!
Congratulations, Devon and Anonymous! When you’re ready for us to critique your query letters, synopses, and first chapters, please just e-mail us from the blog link.
Moving on to our runners-up . . . I have to say that I had a really hard time picking a winner out of my top three choices. There was something I absolutely loved about each one of them, and I think Jessica would agree. We felt that they were so strong, we each had to pick two runners-up this time. This means fewer honorable mentions tomorrow, but we really just felt that these entries deserved the added recognition.
Jessica’s runners-up:
Lanie Foster — Eyes on Me
“Whore…”
It was just a whisper said into the wind, something not meant to be heard, but Lucia had heard it. She had heard it, and when she did, wished that she was deaf.
The man tapped his cane in an impatient manner, lips curled into a supercilious sneer, as he watched her pull out the small vial from the depths of her cloak pocket.
“Hurry up. I haven’t got all night.”
These words had a real air of sadness to them. Who is this woman and what has she gotten herself into? Is she really a whore or just a drug dealer? I think it says a lot about my tastes though when two of my picks use the word “whore.” Of course, I’m not sure what exactly it says, but it says a lot. I also like the fact that, at least in the opening, it doesn’t seem that your heroine is going to be the typical society girl. I’m always interested in reading about those on the other side of the tracks.
Anonymous 11:36 pm — Masquerade
The Vatican, 1503
The stench of death filled Marcello DiAmante's nostrils, his stomach turning over in protest. The torch light flickered through the gallery storeroom, dimly illuminating the fresh corpse. Marcello glanced up at his companion, he could smell the Pope's fear.
"My friend, believe me when I tell you this is not what I brought you here to see." The Pope, Pius III, swept his arms across the area, indicating the priest's splayed body. "I do not know what evil dares to lurk in this holiest of places."
The two men knelt beside the twisted and badly beaten body, his throat cut.
Even though this opening read nothing like historical romance I had to add it to my list as a bonus. Is this romance or a historical thriller? Because it reads much more like a thriller. Of course anything to do with the Pope will make most readers think of The Da Vinci Code, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Great opening.
Kim’s runners-up:
Vicky Dreiling — The Duchess Competition
London, 1816
The belles of the Beau Monde had resorted to clumsiness in an effort to snag a ducal husband.
Tristan James Gatewick, the Duke of Shelbourne, conceded he’d contributed to this national disgrace. Ever since the gossip rags had declared him the most eligible bachelor in England, Tristan had rescued twenty-nine lace handkerchiefs, three kid gloves, and twelve fans.
If only it were possible to select one’s wife based on the inelegance of her fumbling, he’d have wedded and bedded the most inept candidate by now. Alas, even he wasn’t desperate enough to settle for Her Gracelessness.
Just plain wonderfully written. I can see Tristan standing there and smirking. Another hero I’m dying to hear more from. From this short excerpt, we know that he plays his role as a society gentleman, but he recognizes the silliness of it all and doesn’t take himself too seriously either. I’m dying to meet the woman who will catch his eye and get past his jaded perception on the fairer sex.
Steph — Stolen
Madeline Thorne was blessed with the kind of beauty that could, quite frankly, cause a man to overlook the fact that she was a complete bitch.
The only child of an impoverished country sir, she possessed (in abundance) two of the least attractive qualities in a future wife: she was spoiled and poor.
But she was very, very pretty.
“There is only one option for a lady such as she,” the Duke of Clarence lamented. Feeling quite charitable, he made her a proposition.
She slapped him.
Outraged, His Grace ruined her.
And she ruined him right back.
This time it’s the heroine that’s caught my attention. I’m not sure I’d like Madeline Thorne, but she certainly intrigues me. There’s something to be said for a writer that can describe a character as a spoiled bitch and yet still leave the reader rooting for her. I want to know how she ruined him right back. Such a great last line. Nice work!
Congratulations to our runners-up! We really enjoyed reading your work. Another reminder: Don’t be discouraged from querying us if we didn’t pick your entry. As I said, we thought this batch of entries was especially strong, and there’s a good chance you could hook us with a great query letter. The first 100 words isn’t the be-all and end-all.
Time to announce another contest!
TODAY IS THE THRILLER/SUSPENSE CONTEST! (Please note that a romantic suspense contest is still to come, so if you think your book is better suited to that category you may want to wait a week or so.)
Here are the rules:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, March 20th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then move on to the next genre. Keep an eye out for your category!
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JacketFlap tags: contest, 100-word contest, genre contest, Add a tag
Jessica and I each chose three honorable mentions to highlight this week. I’d like to reiterate that you shouldn’t be discouraged from submitting to us if you didn’t make our lists. We had a lot of great work to choose from, and it’s tough to judge on just 100 words.
Here are Jessica’s picks:
Amy Nathan—Every Other WeekendWhat’s interesting is that a lot of my picks had a definite women’s fiction feel to them. This one included. The first time I skimmed the entries, this one caught my attention. Who doesn’t love divine justice? The second paragraph didn’t grab me in the same way that first line did, but I had read enough to know that I wanted to read more.
I got dressed for my first date in 16 years at the same time that my ex-husband was across town passing a kidney stone. Divine justice.
For the first time I could remember, a pleasurable selfishness enveloped me. It wasn’t about Richard’s pain; it was about Richard’s pain not interfering with my plans. I wanted to go on this date, but I didn’t realize how much until the moment I thought the evening could be in jeopardy. What if Richard had to be taken to the hospital? Who then would watch the kids?
Annette—Caught in the Middle
I was twelve the first time Jamie O'Rourke kissed me.
If I could rewrite history, I'd say that even back then he knew I was the girl for him. But the truth is, I know the real reason he did it. Why he chose to kiss me instead of his girlfriend, my sister Lauren.
Looking back, I realize this is the moment when everything began to go wrong between my sister and me. How all our problems have hinged on this one event, this one stolen kiss.
But even if I could, I still wouldn't change a thing.
Another entry that had potential for woman’s fiction (of course, what can you really tell from 100 words?), but I liked the complexity that this entry alluded to. The relationship between the heroine and Jamie O’Rourke and of course the relationship between two sisters. I definitely wanted to know more about all of it.
Anonymous 12:33 pm—For One Weekend Only
When your entire future rested on your ability to seduce a man into doing the unthinkable, you needed to look the part.
Maggie Richardson was pretty sure she didn’t.
She leaned against the bar, her clothes too casual, her posture too stiff, and her overall appearance looking far less “fun professional” than “crazed librarian.”
This would never work. She was supposed to show up in four days — four! — at a no-holds-barred Southern wedding... complete with full hoop skirt, parasol, and her long-term, much-discussed, forever-kind-of-love boyfriend, Dave Andrews.
Except, Dave didn’t exist.
Which was a bit of a problem.
There are so many great questions left unanswered with this submission. Why did she lie? Why is she wearing a hoop skirt? And what’s next. Obviously this leads into a story we’ve heard before (at least we assume), the story of finding someone to pose as the boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, but the voice has me wanting to know more about how this particular tale is going to play out.
Kim’s picks:
katekquinn—Everything Nice
“Go fuck yourself.”
Louisa Buznewski did not believe in cursing… but exceptions must be made, and despite her lack of experience the word shot from her mouth with enough conviction to rival the saltiest of sailors. Over ten years ago she’d used this exact phrase, directing it at the same man… although he’d been more of a boy then. It was the last time she’d seen or heard from him - until today. Now repeating it all these years later, Louisa realized this crude phrase was a type of “aloha” - it could mean both hello and goodbye.
Honestly, the last sentence is what really sold me. I thought it was hilarious. I love how the author’s explaining how universal that particular expletive can be. Obviously, I’m also curious about who this guy is and why they parted on such bad terms. I’d definitely keep reading.
sl—If It's Not One Thing - It's Your Mother
“The Lodge called. Your Mom has taken all the “N” bingo balls hostage until her demands are met.” Daniel relayed the message almost gleefully I thought and instantly felt hurt. And pissed.
“I guess this seems funny to you now that it’s my Mom huh? Wanna bet your mother is sitting on the couch with a colander on her head as we speak? Why don’t you take her for lunch today, or are Wednesdays when she rendezvous’ with the mother ship?”
“Honey, are we really fighting about whose mother is craziest?” he asked gently.
“You started it.” I snapped.
Here again I was lured by the humor. In fact all of my honorable mentions demonstrate a sense of humor. In this particular instance, I was charmed by the image of an old lady hijacking a bunch of bingo balls. This book also sounds like women’s fiction to me (since a husband is mentioned), but more than anything I’m looking forward to meeting the feisty woman who’s holding up the bingo game!
Elyssa Papa—Lay All Your Love on Me
South Africa
It wasn’t every day that an heiress landed at his feet.
Especially one who wore Hello, Kitty underwear.
With her dress flopped over her head and her back to him, the only thing Noah Harper saw was her ass.
And if he did say so himself, it was a great ass.
Then, her dress righted and straightened. Noah took a step back, his camera banging hard against his chest.
He rubbed a hand over his jaw, not quite believing who he was seeing.
Because he’d long stopped believing in ghosts… until one came back from his past.
“Simone.”
I’m immediately drawn to both of the characters introduced in this short excerpt. I sympathize with “Simone,” who’s found herself in a rather embarrassing position. I can relate. In 11th grade I fell and slid down the Math hall to the feet of my high school crush. Fortunately, I wasn’t wearing a dress (or Hello Kitty underwear). At any rate, the reader can find the situation humorous, but cringe for the poor woman at the same time. I also get an immediate “sexy” vibe from the narrator. I have a feeling this opening promises one hot novel.
Thanks to all who participated, and congratulations again to all of our top picks!
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JacketFlap tags: 100-word contest, genre contest, contest, Add a tag
We were back to a multitude of entries in the contemporary romance contest, so Jessica and I had fairly different lists of our favorites. That said, we were still able to agree on one clear winner.
Congratulations to . . .
Anonymous 5:20 am—Fractured
The dead don’t always stay dead.
Claire stood on the street corner waiting for the lights to change, staring across the road into the eyes of her late husband. Perhaps her mind was playing tricks, or perhaps he was only a rare carbon copy, but she knew it was Steve the way she knew it was lunchtime.
She was certain of two other things -- no one would believe her, and if she took her eyes off him he would vanish into the crowd before she could glance back. It was always like this.
Jessica: I think contemporary romance is a difficult category to judge in 100 words. Unlike some of the “hookier” genres it’s not the type of book to typically grab you in such a short amount of time. Because of that I’m depending on something to hook me in and the voice more than anything else. This definitely had voice. I like this voice a lot, the feelings it evokes, and of course I love the setup. Because of the category I’m assuming the husband is not a ghost, but you never know, do you? I also like the opening line: “The dead don’t always stay dead” has so many possibilities.
Kim: Great opening line. It piques my interest right off the bat. And I love “. . . she knew it was Steve the way she knew it was lunchtime.” It’s instinctual . . . almost a biological response. She was so close to this man that her body can clearly identify him. What’s great about this excerpt is that it doesn’t only make me want to know what’s going to happen next, it makes me intensely curious about what has already happened.
Great work, Anonymous! When you’re ready for your critique, please send your query letter, synopsis, and first chapter via the blog e-mail link.
And the runner-up is . . .
Christy—Viva
When I was girl, I pretended to be Scarlett O’Hara. That I grew up to be Belle Watling is no one’s fault but my own.
Ten years ago I convinced myself Belle got the better deal, but now I know the truth. Only spoiled, little rich things get tomorrow; us working girls are stuck with today. And today for me consisted of another two hour trick with an out-of-town businessman.
“Good evening, Sugar,” I said to the doorman as I entered the hotel lobby.
He hates it when I call him Sugar.
Jessica: The first line really grabs me. While I don’t think all contemporary romance needs to be Southern, there’s something about that traditional Southern woman that makes contemporary romance. Maybe it’s the romance of the South itself. And you can’t beat her turning tricks and taunting them by calling them Sugar. This grabbed my attention and left me wanting to read more.
Kim: I think what I liked about this excerpt is that the first few lines immediately let me relate to the character. We all wanted to be a princess or a movie star or a Scarlett O’Hara when we were little girls. I immediately felt a connection to Belle. Then I learned that she’s a prostitute, and it kind of took me aback. That life certainly is a far cry from her childhood dreams. Instead of passing judgment on her occupation, though, I sympathize with her. I don’t know for sure that Belle is going to be the heroine of the romance, but I have to admit that I’m intrigued by the notion. After all . . . I still love Pretty Woman, even if I have seen it more than twenty times. . . .
Nicely done, Christy!
Tomorrow, Jessica and I will discuss our honorable mention picks.
TODAY IS THE HISTORICAL ROMANCE CONTEST!
Here are the rules:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, March 14th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then move on to the next genre. Keep an eye out for your category!
Blog: BookEnds, LLC - A Literary Agency (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: contest, 100-word contest, genre contest, 100-word contest, genre contest, Add a tag
With fewer entries in the erotic romance category, Jessica and I were able to find more common ground. In fact, we were able to agree on a winner and two runners-up. But since there were fewer than half the number of entries as in the previous contest, we didn’t pick any honorable mentions this time. So you won’t see a second post tomorrow.
That said, let’s announce the winner, shall we?
Anonymous 4:29 pm — Five Days
The first day, I couldn't look him in the face.
I gazed at the granite floor of the foyer while I waited for his orders.
"I'm not going to hurt you."
"You'd be within your rights if you did." I kept my gaze cast down. I owed him so much for what I'd done to him, and all he'd asked for was five days. He would have my body, and I would reclaim my soul.
"Heaven save me from martyrs," he muttered. "Are you going to mope around the place all week? It's not much of a turn-on."
Jessica: I thought this was sexy and definitely sounded like a solid erotic romance. What I also liked about these 100 words were that they kept you guessing. What is going to happen next? And what is the setup. I’m assuming because of the title that this is going to be five days of sex, but how did the protagonist get there and why? I definitely want to know more.
Kim: What makes this excerpt so sexy is the provocative setup. There’s an element of mystery: What did she do to him that’s put her in the submissive position? It creates a wonderful tension between the two of them. The opening feels pretty dark. After all, she says she needs to reclaim her soul. But before everything gets too heavy, he lightens the tone by telling her that her moping is killing the mood. I’d love to see where this is going.
Congratulations, Anonymous!! When you’re ready for your critique, please send your query letter, synopsis, and first chapter to our blog e-mail link. Great work!
Here’s our runners-up!
Jackie Barbosa — Lady Libertine
He must be the devil. He was as beautiful and tempting as sin.
If he had come for Amelia’s not-so-dearly departed husband, arriving at the funeral seemed a bit late. If he had come for her, she would gladly accompany him. Hell itself could not be worse than the dreary, meager existence that awaited her in Hanscombe’s dowager house.
Not to mention it was too near Richard.
The thought of her stepson drew Amelia’s gaze to him. Even after all these years, his proximity sent revulsion crawling over her skin.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” the vicar intoned.
Jessica: I really love sexy and erotic historical romance, and because of that I really liked this. But a funeral is also a great setup for endings as well as beginnings. And who doesn’t want to know more about Richard or the beautiful tempting devil?
Kim: Let’s face it, devils are always hot (corny pun intended)! Again, there’s a lot of mystery going on here. What happened to her “not-so-dearly departed husband” and why is her stepson such a creep? All of that leaves me curious, but most of all I’m waiting to hear more about this beautiful devil and what he’ll be doing to tempt her even more.
Shannon — When Good Demons Go Bad
The son of a bitch was going to kill her with sex . . . again, but what else could she expect from a rogue sex demon. Even while Cassandra “Raven” Caledre reveled in the feel of Fallyn’s perfect body gliding against her naked flesh, she lifted the ceremonial dagger, determined to kill him before the demon finished releasing her soul.
His small, sharp fangs bit lovingly into her shoulder as Fallyn whispered directly into her mind, Let me pleasure you, little Raven, and I swear, with your next life, the surrender will be mine. Letting the dagger fall, she accepted his bargain.
Jessica: This was great. Great title and really great opening line. Killing her with sex. I love it.
Kim: I think what was most intriguing about that first line was that she had apparently already been killed before. She knew what she was in for, but the passion is so great that she’s willing to surrender her life again to be with him. The real draw is the Fallyn character. Is he sincere? Can a rogue sex demon even be sincere? Will he surrender to her next time? Or is he just playing her to get what he wants?
Nicely done, Jackie and Shannon!
Now it’s time for another contest!
TODAY IS THE CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE CONTEST!!
Here are the rules:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, March 4th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then move on to the next genre. Keep an eye out for your category!
Blog: BookEnds, LLC - A Literary Agency (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: contest, 100-word contest, genre contest, 100-word contest, genre contest, Add a tag
So, once again Jessica and I proved that we have very different tastes. We’re hoping that by posting these entries and detailing what we liked about them, we’re not only giving these authors the recognition they deserve but also providing some insight into whether we might be the right target for your own work.
JESSICA’S THOUGHTS AND PICKS
I think it’s hilarious that so far Kim and I are two for two when it comes to picking a winner. In each contest so far we’ve picked our five top choices and only one was a match—we dug deeper into our favorites for the runner-up.
So here are my honorable mentions. I think you’ll see that I tend to gravitate toward a darker voice and more suspense, but of course there is always a surprise in there. I don’t like to be too predictable. Oh, and by the way, these are in no particular order, except, well, the order you submitted them. . . .
Aj -- Wings of Desire
(Fantasy with Romantic Elements)
Lorelei froze when she saw the envelope on the mantel.
She’d known it was coming, despite her denials; foretold by a prickling restlessness, an itch in her joints, a preoccupation with sex – and a premonition of flight. Though something rose joyfully within her bones at the thought of flying, she remained torn.
The invitation that must not be refused had arrived. She would have to decide.
She fingered it thoughtfully, unsurprised to see it had been opened. Although it concerned her fate this summons bore her mother’s name, not her own.
Dragons were not only traditional, but matriarchal.
I like this setup a lot. It’s dark, but yet has a touch of humor. I like that she had the premonition that this horrible letter was coming and I really like that she’s a dragon. That grabbed my attention, but I also want to know more about this letter. I want to know what’s in it and what’s going to happen next and that’s certainly key.
Harris Channing -- Witchy Woman (Paranormal Romance)
The mat read, "Welcome". Unfortunately, nothing else about the house offered a cheerful greeting. Peeling paint, pollen tinted windows and the musty smell of rotten wood spoke of aged neglect.
With tentative fingers, Stella Campbell grasped the tarnished brass doorknob to her aunt's house. Thirteen years ago, she had fled through this door, vowing that she'd never return. Thirteen years had passed, the memory of that horrible night still haunting her every waking moment. Thirteen years had slipped away since her aunt held her down and sacrificed her virginity to a demon.
Wow! I thought this was so powerful. And so very creepy. I have a feeling that this is one of those times when the last line, the aunt holding her down to sacrifice her virginity, could backfire on you. Don’t change it, though. It’s one of those things that just might catch the wrong agent the wrong way. It’s great, though. It’s intriguing, it’s dark and, like I said, it’s very powerful. It leaves me dying to know more about Stella and what brought her back. I love the atmosphere you’ve created and your setting. Terrific work.
Anonymous 12:11 pm -- Hex Appeal (paranormal romance)
As far as Sara Wardwell was concerned, J.K. Rowling could bite her.
Harry Potter wannabes hadn't annoyed her until four months ago, when her assignments from the Witches Council had directed her to start tracking teenagers with no sense of self-preservation. If she had to run in one more hormonal teen for dabbling with dangerous magic or performing an illegal spell, she might sell off what little she owned and move to Mexico.
She stood under the limbs of a tree darkened by moon-cast shadows and watched five hooded teenagers, their black robes swaying in a faint onshore breeze.
Obviously this has a very, very different voice from the previous two entries, but I liked it. Of course the fact that J. K. Rowling could bite her might have everything to do with it. Who didn’t laugh out loud at that comment? I thought this was funny and it left me wanting to know more about Sara’s anger toward Harry Potter.
Chessie -- Chains of Honor
“Damn it, Hatch! This is war. If you can’t handle it, get your ass back to the transport.” Cyani slammed her back against the tunnel wall as the shattering explosion of a K-bomb shook the ground. Fine pebbles and dust crumbled over her head, illuminating the laser sights streaming from her team’s eyepieces. She scanned her men to see if any of them were beginning to panic. They couldn’t lose focus.
“I’m fine, Captain,” Hatch shouted back. He cringed as another blast rumbled in the distance. “Don’t like tight spaces is all.”
Earthlen, they could be so damn unpredictable.
My enjoyment of these 100 words might have everything to do with my earlier stated love of things like task forces and special teams or units, but I liked this. I thought it had a great dry humor to it. You also do a really good job of setting the stage and weaving in that this is not your typical military mission. The use of the word "Earthlen" is really what pushes it over the edge. It shows in one simple word that this is something different. Good work.
KIM’S PICKS
Anonymous 11:00 am -- Gargoyle Alliance
Death didn’t improve the looks of a gargoyle. Or the smell.
Lyana wrinkled her nose as she scanned the scattered remains of at least three of the creatures. There didn’t seem to be any live ones nearby.
Davios gave a protesting whine. I’ve been in swamps that smelled better. His complaint rang in her head.
Sorry. Lyana choked back a surge of nausea, breathing through her mouth. It must be worse for you. Your nose is more sensitive than mine.
But you’re closer. Happy to leave this one to you, boss.
I realized after I picked this entry that I made some assumptions about it that could very well be off the mark. When I first read the scene, I got the impression that Lyana was some type of investigator or forensic specialist in the supernatural. Reading back over it again, I see that that’s not necessarily the case. But what I like about the excerpt is the image of these dead otherworldly creatures. (What can I say? I’m morbid.) It reads like a supernatural crime scene. I like that Lyana has some sort of mysterious, magical partner that communicates by thought. And since this world seems so familiar to Lyana, I’m interested to find out if she is magical too.
Anonymous 11:14 am -- Untitled
When I was younger, I used to think our next door neighbor--bent, gray, cackling Miss Ravenwhistle--was a witch. It wasn't until I caught her dousing our doorstep in holy water that I realized she thought my mother was one. I even asked my mother about it once, when I was about ten. She laughed. I laughed. But she didn't say yes or no.
Like all the women in our family, uncanny luck follows Mama wherever she goes. But luck takes two forms: good and bad.
Today, we fought against the bad.
I liked the surprising turn this entry took in the second sentence. I’m thinking, “okay, yeah, the old lady next door is a witch.” Then it turns out that the mother may be the real witch. I also like the interesting mother-daughter dynamic this sets up. A suspicious daughter. A secretive mother. And finally, we’re left with that great feeling of suspense. What’s the bad luck? I’d definitely keep turning the pages to find out!
Laura — Untitled or A Comedy of Witches
The Committee of the Disaffected met every week for personal growth and enlightenment. This usually involved tequila and always involved a debate.
Tonight’s featured discussion was the yoga class they had decided to take together at the town rec center. When they soon found themselves in the emergency room in hopes of having Diana extricated from a difficult Astravakransana pose, The Committee of the Disaffected knew it was time to implement plan C.
After an infinite number of med students and an adequate supply of muscle relaxants were employed to rescue the woman from her predicament, they retired to a nearby restaurant to discuss their options.
I liked the light tone of this entry. The voice is terrific and I feel like it holds the promise of a lot of great, quirky characters. I think what drew me to this excerpt is that it feels that it’s more about the relationships between these women. It reads like the beginning of a witchy women’s fiction, and I find that extremely intriguing.
Alex Adams — Family Ghouls
William Jollybanks was dead. I knew this because he was walking up Main Street, frank 'n' beans dangling out through the slit in his pajamas. They were the same blue-and-white checked bottoms he was wearing last month when a silver BMW crushed him.
That had ended badly for everyone involved. Missy Caper ended up with a broken nose and a busted bumper, and William was chopped in two. His walker had done zip to protect him.
Yeah, William definitely got the worst deal. And Missy? She got a new nose which made her pretty damn happy, from what I hear.
I just loved the voice of this entry. It’s funny and very conversational. Part of the charm is that we’re immediately introduced to a ghost, but we don’t dwell on the apparition or go on to descriptions of him in infinite detail. (I mean, do we want to see any more after we’ve seen the “frank ‘n’ beans” anyway?) Instead, the narrator goes on to tell us what happened to the other victims in the crash and about Missy’s nose job. I can see from the first 100 words that this manuscript promises a good laugh.
That wraps up the paranormal/fantasy category. Thanks to all who participated and congratulations to the honorable mentions!
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It happened again! Jessica and I shared only one common entry in our top five picks, so the winner was obvious. Drum roll, please . . .
Shannon — Dragon Born
I was six the day my mother realized I wasn’t normal. I was fourteen the day I realized she would kill me for it.
I envy those who tell stories about their wonderful lives. I want to warn them, every time I seem them . . . at the movies, out for dinner, laughing and talking like they have nothing to fear.
I was like that once. I thought my life was perfect once. The creatures took that away from me one dark night. They stole it from me with my mother’s blessing and changed me forever.
Jessica: I was thrilled when I saw that Kim had picked Shannon’s as well and that it was the only one we had in common because I had already decided I was going to fight for this one to win. I absolutely loved it. I thought these 100 words were brilliant. I love the setup. Isn’t it amazing how much you can learn from a character in only 100 words? And what an opening for a book . . . "they stole it from me with my mother’s blessing and changed me forever.” This is the kind of opening to a book that makes me get up from my desk and move to a comfy chair in the hopes that I’ll be there for the rest of the day. It has atmosphere, brilliant setup to what’s to come, and a real feel for the character. Great work, Shannon!
Kim: This one grabbed me immediately. It sets a tone and creates a tremendous feeling of suspense. I want to know how the narrator is different and I want to know why his/her own mother would want to kill because of it. Shannon’s created a dark and mysterious world that feels thick with danger. I wouldn’t want to be in it, but I sure do want to read about it. Good stuff!
Congratulations, Shannon! When you’re ready for us to critique your query letter, synopsis, and first chapter, please just send them to the blog e-mail link.
Jessica and I were also able to agree on a runner-up:
Diane — Out of the Shade
Some days having wings is a bitch; especially when a smelly assed goblin is holding me by them in front of his mouth like a French fry.
I looked out the broken shop window at my coworkers; members of the Supernatural Task Force, waiting for their brilliant surprise attack to begin. I had been sent in as the decoy. Six inches of faery with a bad case of PMS, supercharged by the earth’s energy that I had absorbed to shrink to this size. The goblin gang, high as kites, laughed and their leader then plucked me out of the air.
Jessica: Another case of leaving me laughing out loud. I love the thought of this poor Tinkerbell-like fairy stuck in the claws of a greasy goblin while her coworkers are outside planning their “attack.” I also love the title Supernatural Task Force. Those kinds of things always grab my attention. I’m a sucker for task forces, forensic teams, and the like. And like all of those I choose as winners, runners-up, or honorable mentions, I love this voice.
Kim: I love how this excerpt paints a picture. I could immediately visualize the whole scene, which isn’t easy when we’re talking about goblins and faeries. I think it’s largely due to that image of the goblin “holding me by [the wings] in front of his mouth like a French fry.” I also like the feistiness of the narrator. I mean she’s obviously in a pretty vulnerable position if she can compare herself to a French fry, so to still have so much spunk really speaks to the faery’s character. This was just plain fun to read.
Tomorrow we’ll be talking about our honorable mentions again, so you can once again get a feel for what we’re looking for. I want to reiterate what we said the last time (and I know I’ll be repeating this after every contest): Please don’t be discouraged from submitting to us if you weren’t chosen as one of our top picks. We saw a lot of great writing and interesting stories in these entries, and it’s still quite possible you could pique our interest with your query letter.
That said, it’s time to introduce a new contest!
TODAY IS THE EROTIC ROMANCE CONTEST!
We’re accepting all types of erotic romance, including contemporary, historical, and paranormal.
***PLEASE NOTE THAT SOME OF THESE ENTRIES MAY DESCRIBE GRAPHIC SEX SCENES. WE KNOW THIS KIND OF MATERIAL ISN’T FOR EVERYBODY. IF YOU FIND THIS TYPE OF WRITING PERSONALLY OFFENSIVE, THEN PLEASE REFRAIN FROM READING THE COMMENTS SECTION.***
Here are the rules:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, February 26th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then move on to the next genre. But this time we’ll make it a surprise, just to keep you on your toes!
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As I mentioned yesterday, Jessica and I found that we had fairly different tastes when it came to our judging. I guess that’s why we all complement one another so well at BookEnds. In terms of category we all overlap quite a bit in what we represent, but we each gravitate toward different types of writing. We each see different strengths and establish relationships with editors that we know are looking for those same qualities. It makes for a well-rounded agency. It’s also one of the reasons we would recommend actually reading books represented by agents you are interested in. Not only will you get a sense of the types of books they represent, but also the voice they gravitate toward.
JESSICA’S THOUGHTS AND PICKS:
First of all, I need to say that I was really impressed. In the end I had to narrow down my list of favorites from about 12 or 15 to just 5 (since that’s what Kim and I had decided on), which means that beyond these honorable mentions there were quite a few others that grabbed my attention. I think one reader mentioned that 100 words was an interesting contest and that in a lot of cases you couldn’t really judge what the book was based on that. And you were right. But 100 words is enough to grab any reader’s attention and leave them wanting more, or not. I also know that 100 words won’t always give the flavor of the book that the author wants the reader to end with. In other words, with a cozy mystery, for example, the first 100 words might be spent introducing the sleuth and have absolutely nothing to do with the mystery, while a thriller might open with the killer and give you no insight into your protagonist. In the end, though, 100 words is enough to let us know whether or not we want to read another 100 words.
I had read somewhere that when talking about our pitch critiques someone said it was an easy way to be rejected by BookEnds. I hope that those who entered do not feel this way. A lot of these 100-word entries intrigued us (as did a lot of the pitch critiques), and just because we didn’t pick you as a winner, runner-up, or honorable mention doesn’t mean you should rule BookEnds out as someone to query. There were a lot of great ideas in there and I can’t wait to see what the rest of you have to say in other genres.
Okay, so that being said, here are my honorable mentions . . .
THE SURPRISE ENDING — Green Ray
I’ve always known, ever since I was a little boy, that one day I would kill someone. I never told anyone this, however – not even my mother – or any of my psychiatrists. That’s why I’m telling you now from this strange place in which I find myself. Such a very strange place; not at all what I expected. And what a surprise! Life is full of surprises, but death is full of certainty.
Let me begin my story – for I desperately need to tell it – at the Metropolitan Opera, New York City. It was the second intermission of Wagner’s Parsifal –
This is my kind of writing. I liked the dark, suspenseful feel and you hooked me from the first sentence. Who isn’t intrigued by someone who has always known he would kill? I love that and I love your setting. The Metropolitan Opera gives it a spooky, Phantom of the Opera appeal, and I’m not even a fan of musicals. Very well done. Great tone and voice.
Mercy Me — Denise McDonald
“He did what?” Sophie Gallagher stopped halfway through the office door, her cell phone gripped so tight her fingers ached.
“Dad said Ray put an ad in the Pennysaver.” Sophie’s mother hurried on, “He advertised as a mercenary for hire.”
“Lord.” Sophie ran her free hand over her face. When she’d moved five hundred miles to take the job with her Uncle Ray four years ago, it had been as a favor to her father. To help keep her scatterbrained uncle’s PI business solvent. Not to babysit for the ever-addled uncle who fancied himself MacGyver and Magnum rolled into one.
It’s funny how very different this pitch is from the one before. While that one was dark and brooding this is clearly light and funny. Just goes to show what a split personality I am. This pitch made me laugh out loud. I love the Pennysaver ad and who can resist a man who thinks of himself as MacGyver and Magnum rolled into one. I definitely want to see what else this book has to offer.
The Myth-Chaser — Suzanne Perazzini
I was born intense, with a purpose, with a steadfastness that no man can unsettle. As a child I knew which path to take through the woods to find the otter in the stream and as an adult, if I listen closely enough to my heart, I know where to look for the answers, even those which have defied generations of seekers.
I grew up to follow an unusual career path.
This pitch intrigues me in a different way from the others. It leaves a lot of questions and I like that. Of course, I also hope that a number of those are answered shortly. But I’m interested to know more about this intense person who listens to her/his heart and obviously I want to know what the unusual career path is. I like the dark, mysteriousness of this pitch and I like that the author discusses an intense hero and shows us intensity in the writing.
BLUE DIAMONDS — Jackie B.
In the bedroom, dark except for the cool blue moonlight slanting in through the blinds, Ronan brushed his hand over his wife's bare thigh.
He crawled into bed and with one arm, held himself over her, admired her laying beneath him. Her long, auburn hair fanning out across the pillow.
Settling in between her legs, he heard her soft giggle, followed by a sigh. Her hazel eyes danced.
He smiled down at her and trailed a finger slowly up the inside of her leg, higher and higher, until her mouth parted and her back arched.
“Yes...”
I know this pitch doesn’t sound anything like a mystery, and that’s exactly why it appeals to me. It doesn’t have the obvious opening and it allows my imagination to run. I could assume that she’s saying “yes” in ecstasy, but is she really? And how is this going to end? Is it just a great erotic sex scene or, since it’s a mystery, is it going to end badly? Either way I want to know.
KIM’S PICKS:
CASE ONE — Keri Ford
I hadn’t been raised a dummy and knew trash talking coupled with charm, fit body, and skimpy clothes equaled large tips for a bar waitress. Momma thought my work to be a bit degrading, but not me. Not when I had my own air conditioned home, with cable. At the moment I poured a cosmo as I had every other one, but this time an unfamiliar man watching me made my knees knock. He was a pleasant upgrade from the usual types looking for my number since he was physically fit, dressed nicely, and had all his teeth.
The voice is terrific. The narrator speaks to us in a way that seems familiar and casual — as if we’ve known her for years. She’s street smart, witty and interesting. Even though the mystery part of the story hasn’t become evident, I’d love to see this narrator stuck in the middle of a complicated crime.
CONFLUENCE POINT — Anonymous 5:22 pm
The guard unshackled the kid outside of my cell, saying, “Another cop killer for you, Warren.”
After eleven years in Corcoran State Prison, I’d had my share of new cellmates, none of them as young as Nick. Slight and smooth-faced, Nick acted as though his long rap sheet and conviction for triple homicide made him tough. That first night, he used my mattress as a stepping stool to get to his bunk. Either he was testing me or he was stupid. The result was the same. I bounced him off the wall.
Again, great voice. I’m intrigued by the notion of a mystery that begins from a convicted criminal’s point of view, but it’s more than that. The guy is tough, observant and funny. The reader knows that he’s incarcerated, and sees that he thinks he owns the joint, but yet there’s something likable about him. I want to get to know him better.
FIRST CALL — Liz Mugavero
Luther Trott could smell death.
He knew because he’d smelled it before, more times in his thirty-eight years than he cared to count. Over time, he’d learned the scent did not overpower; in fact, most people traveling this road at this moment would not notice anything amiss.
But Luther was trained to notice when something, or someone, was amiss.
This smell, this vibe, promised a painful death: The pungent aroma of blood mixing with earth, the faint stench of gasoline right before a fire erupted to life, both evident despite the heavy scent of the ocean simmering in the background.
I loved this setup. Who is Luther and why is he able to smell death? Is it some sort of paranormal ability or something much simpler and less literal than that? I’m also fascinated by the idea that different types of death have different smells. I’m thoroughly intrigued and was hooked by the very first sentence.
FALSE CONFESSION — Pamelad
At first glance, the young mother and baby looked as though they were sharing a peaceful nap. Until you looked closer, and saw the single clean bullet wounds in their chests.
“Why would he do this? He looks like he adores her. It just doesn’t make sense.” My partner Jen was looking at a recent picture, taken on Christmas day, showing the husband smiling down at his wife and baby.
“This happens more often than you’d think,” I said as I lightly traced an old scar near my collarbone. I was lucky, my ex-husband hadn’t been very good with a gun.
I liked this entry, because it surprised me. It opens as any police procedural might, but then we get an unexpected glimpse into the narrator’s life. Right away I feel an intimacy with the narrator that I’m betting a lot of the characters in the book don’t have with her. All of a sudden, it’s not about the crime scene, it’s about her past.
Congratulations to all of the honorable mentions. We hope this gives all of our blog readers a glimpse into our heads, so that you have a better idea of what each of us looks for in a submission. Looking forward to the next round!
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Well, it turns out that there was a very clear winner in the Mystery contest, because it was the only entry that both Jessica and I picked for our top 5! And the winner is . . .
Mark Terry, The Zombie Zoo
Samantha Black was dressed to kill. She liked that expression. Dressed to kill. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror behind the bar, just another beautiful face in the crowd. She picked up her drink, a zombie, the club’s specialty, vodka and grapefruit juice, and made a modest toast to herself. She took a sip, intending to nurse it. She needed a clear head. She didn’t need the buzz. She already had one of her own making and it was better than alcohol. She smiled. The image in the mirror smiled back.Jessica: I personally liked Mark’s entry because it’s just a great setup. From those 100 short words you get a great sense of voice and you are beyond curious. Is she literally dressed to kill? Who is this woman and what is she up to? Mark’s 100 words have me wanting to read more. Thanks!
Kim: I agree. I loved the voice in this excerpt. It pulls you in from the very first sentence or two. Plus, it’s a great mystery opening. Is she literally “dressed to kill”? The writing is very lean. Not a single wasted word.
Nice work, Mark! When you’re ready to send the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of The Zombie Zoo for our critique, just send it through the blog e-mail link. We look forward to seeing more!
While it turned out that Jessica and I had pretty different tastes overall, we were able to pick one runner-up that made both of our radars.
The runner-up is:
Anonymous 10:34, Peripherals
It was gone.Jessica: I thought this was hysterical, and funny usually makes me want to read more. The general setup, someone being dead, isn’t completely new. I’ve seen that one before, but the mother at the other end, the pissed-off mother, is brilliant. I love this! I’m intrigued and would definitely want more.
He blinked a few times in case there was something wrong with his vision, but it didn’t change the fact that his body wasn’t where he left it.
He'd seen the sheet pulled over his face before he was yanked to the light so he knew he was supposed to be dead. What he didn't expect was to be kicked to the curb when he reached it.
His mother was waiting for him when he got there, arms crossed, a pissed look on her face, tapping her foot.
Kim: Again, for me it’s the voice. Like Jessica said, a dead narrator isn’t uncharted territory, but the notion of “losing” his dead body and the eye-rolling dead mother was fun and intriguing. Plus, it’s succinct. No time’s wasted getting to the point. We learn a lot about the narrator in just a few sentences.
Beyond these two that we agreed upon, Jessica and I had very different lists of our favorites. I think each of us actually look for different qualities in those first pages. So tomorrow we’re going to talk about our honorable mentions. We each chose four more excerpts that really stood out for us. We’ll highlight those and tell you why we liked them.
Overall, we were really impressed with the quality of the writing in all of the entries. If your excerpt didn’t make it in our honorable mentions or top picks, please don’t be discouraged from querying us. Obviously, it’s tough to judge a complete book based on the first 100 words, and just because we didn’t select your work for the blog doesn’t mean you couldn’t grab our attention with your proposal or query letter.
TODAY IS THE PARANORMAL ROMANCE/ROMANCE WITH FANTASY ELEMENTS/FANTASY WITH ROMANTIC ELEMENTS CONTEST! (That’s a mouthful!)
Here are the rules:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, February 20th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then move on to the next genre: Erotic Romance!
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Happy Valentine’s Day! We have a surprise for you! So if your significant other drops the ball and doesn’t come home with a dozen roses or a bottle of expensive aftershave, you can’t say you didn’t get anything this year. (But you can still lay on that guilt trip pretty thick. . . .)
We’re launching a new contest today, and this one is going to be something a little different. We’ll actually be judging a whole series of contests. We decided to try several genre-specific competitions of the first 100 words of the work. We’ll be limiting the types of books to the areas that we represent. Honestly, do you want someone judging your YA who hasn’t read anything in the genre since Judy Blume’s Forever first hit shelves? Probably not. And we’re not going to presume to call ourselves experts in genres we just don’t read on a regular basis. Selfishly, it also gives us a very real opportunity to find a potential new client. Seems like a win-win.
Honestly, we also think it can be tough to declare an ultimate winner in a contest that includes a variety of book types. What if the top three are a terrific cozy, an emotional women’s fiction, and a really hot romance? They may all be great in their own ways, but it can be impossible sometimes to decide which is ultimately the best when the three genres rely on very different writing devices to make them work. Frankly, we don’t want to put ourselves through that hair-pulling, so this seemed the best alternative.
In the next few months we’ll be holding contests in the following genres:
Mystery (traditional and cozy)
Paranormal Romance/Romance With Fantasy Elements
Erotic Romance
Women’s Fiction
Romantic Suspense
Contemporary Romance
Thriller/Suspense
Historical Romance
WE’RE LAUNCHING TODAY WITH THE MYSTERY CONTEST!
The rules are as follows:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. The deadline is tomorrow, February 15th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
The prize, you ask? Accolades from the masses! Oh, and we’ll critique the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry in each genre! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
Jessica and I will post the winner within the next couple of days, and at that time we’ll go on to the paranormal romance category. So start whipping those projects into shape!
Let the games begin!
Kim
Blog: Bookseller Chick (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Amazon, horse racing, Book site thoughts, Add a tag
I was reading the comments yesterday on “Book(ie) Chick: Day Three” and Maya’s mention of Dick Francis made me laugh. You see, we’re not allowed to read between calls (that’s not what they’re paying us for), and instead are encouraged to learn more about the betting systems we employ. Their desire to educate us is so strong that they’ve asked us all to sign up for the company’s sister site that allows you to make bets on actual races with fake money. The guy across from me keeps winning big, while my results are…indifferent at best. Quite possibly because I’m indifferent to the whole betting process and keep just randomly picking horses.
“Huh, that one has a nice name, I’ll go with him.”
Or:
“I don’t think I’ve bet on the fifth horse yet, let’s give it a try.”
Real scientific. No wonder I’m not winning. Of course, I’m not really losing either as most of my bets have been in the one dollar range.
Still, I don’t think the bosses will believe me if I claim the Dick Francis novels were part of my horse racing education. They’d probably make me read a thoroughbred magazine instead. It’s really too bad that I’m not a horse-crazy five year old anymore because I sure would have devoured that magazine back then. Now I just occasionally look at the races on the TV in my cubicle and think, “Pretty horse,” before going on with my business.
Still, interacting with the company’s gambling site has made me think about different book sites out there, especially Amazon. Booksquare brought up an interesting point in her recent column on Amazon, saying in regards to the changes made to their plog set up:
“Amazon has not yet truly embraced the key aspect of Web 2.0: community. We get that the site exists to sell stuff; the problem is that the continual push toward commercial transactions tends to destroy community-building efforts.”
Horse racing—any gambling at all, really—isn’t a community activity because the person placing the bet is looking out for number one: him or herself. You’re playing the odds to try to beat the house or fate and pick the winning card or horse to earn a significant (or insignificant) payout. Most of the people I deal with on a day to day basis bet at home from their computers or TVs, and never interact with others in the betting circle. And why should they? Why should they share the information they have which “indicates” a winner when having other people bet on your lucky pony might increase the odds on the horse which would decrease the amount of payout (a winning horse ranked 20/1 will have a better payout then the odds on favorite ranked 2/1). Still the site is set up to provide everything the bet-maker might need to make an informed decision on the horse he’s picked. Not only does s/he get the main line odds (those set from the beginning) and the current odds (those set by which horses receive the most bets), but also the names of the jockeys, their weights, access to information about their past performances, the names of trainers and their past performances, and anything you could possibly want to know about the horses. A little more searching and you can also find access to weather conditions at the track and assorted other details.
Don’t want to look or don’t have time? Call your friendly customer service rep: me.
Horses are easy to quantify: you can look at their past races, the weight of their jockeys, the odds based on how they performed that morning. Books are harder because what might appeal to people is harder to define. Amazon is looking for that definition, but appears to be missing the point. Why don’t all the book pages have the back cover copy? Why not add widget that allows a person to go read a sample chapter?
Quantify—in some way—why people who bought book A also bought book B by adding some sort of move that allows you to bring up customer comparison comments.
Yes, this is all still in an effort to sell books and not necessarily build a community, but we don’t give out horse stats so all the bettors will feel the need to sing Kum-bah-ya and get along. We give out the horse stats so people can bet.
You give what people want book-wise so they’ll feel like they’re making an informed buy.
I don’t miss the plogs because I feel that many were underused and I almost always forgot they were at the bottom of the page anyway. I’ll admit I’m just now learning how to use the Wish List feature because I needed to show my mom who has discovered the joys of the free trial period Amazon Prime. She’s a prime example of why back cover copy and excerpts should be linked to the site as she tries to make informed buying decisions about the books she’s looking at.
What are your thoughts on the whole Amazon monstrosity? Does it need to be changed and how? What would you do differently?
Are the book site out there (whether for brick and mortar stores or online only set ups) that get this right and make the community aspect work?
I’d love to focus my thoughts more, but I’ve got to go place some fake horse bets, so give me your opinion.
P.S. Guess whose book I saw on the front table at Borders yesterday?
Marta Acosta’s Midnight Brunch! Congrats, Marta. The blood drop on the edge of the plate was very eye-catching.
Well first, congrats on your coming baby!
For me, I appreciated the overall experience of seeing so many varying first pages, and simply hearing your viewpoints on them.
For the next contest? Frankly, I'd just like to take part in one! I was moving over the first few months of the year, and finally got Internet connection the day after the contest for my category closed. Oh well...
Congratulations on your new baby!!! I hope you can leave work behind, emotionally, and focus on your new little one. That can be hard at first and then coming back when your leave is over is another difficult adjustment. Just hang in there! Having excellent childcare helps a lot.
I would just like to say THANK YOU for doing it. I was delighted--and surprised--to have won one of them and I appreciate very much your comments on the chapter and synopsis and query. Very generous of you.
Major Congrats, Kim! Sending you happy-easy delivery vibes with a quick recovery. Sprinkle your food with lots of cumin to bring that baby out :O)
I read every one of the finalists and winners you posted, and was struck by the diversity of the winning entries. It was a reminder, once again, that our best writing is what we do to our own standards, not what we write in order "to sell." Again, it comes down to voice and originality--writing with something special that catches the interest. If only there was actually a way to describe it! However, your contest definitely gave excellent examples of what works.
Ack! Ack! Ack!
Not cumin but Oregano and Basil!
Kim,
I think what I enjoyed about the contest were the lessons it provided. The main lesson being the one you pointed out in your post: writing is subjective.
Is there such a thing as “the” perfect novel? Maybe, or maybe not. There’s good craft, and bad craft, I know.
But perhaps the attraction to a book is similar to the attraction one feels for a person. I have an eighteen-year-old son, so I hear a lot about attraction. (You can send sympathy cards if you want) He's always talking about the girls he meets and knows. "She has the perfect body. She's flawless. She has the face of an angel. She has perfect . . . (Yep, he’s eighteen.)" Then he will point a girl out that he's really interested in, and I can see that, well, she's not so flawless. And when I mention this, in a nice kind of way, hoping he'll learn from it, he'll give me that you-so-need-to-get-smarter look that eighteen year olds have mastered and say something like, "Yeah, but look at her eyes, Mom. They take my breath away."
So in my opinion, I think there is a craft that must be learned to produce a good novel. But when the craft basics are met, I think the thing in a book that makes it a “must read”, can differ from person to person. And maybe that one thing can even keep us from seeing other flaws.
I think I took away from the contest the message to myself that, despite the heavy contest of diversity in the literary world, I have to have a thick skin and pursue constantly, to keep submitting my work and believing in my ability as a writer.
Thank you for giving us the chance to do that, I find this blog the most helpful out of the ones I peruse.
And congratulations on your pregnancy! Children are terrific muses, and such a gift. :)
Hi! I wasn't sure whether I was invited to send anything to you as a result of my novel _Little Rituals_ having been one of Jessica's picks . . .and I wasn't sure what to send or where to send it. Could someone please fill me in? I mean, your website says NO UNSOLICITED QUERIES now (if I read that page correctly), and I don't know whether I have been invited to send a partial or a full or nothing at all. _Little Rituals_ has been complete for a while (there was serious interest in LR from a New York editor for a while, but it didn't make it through committee. I'd prefer not to name that editor publicly until I'm under contract *GRIN* or maybe not at all, as I was very disappointed because of the early encouragement.)
Please, someone, clue me in on HOW MUCH to send where. Synopsis and three chapters? The full manuscript? By e-mail and not snailmail? Duh! I couldn't find any guidelines on the blog as to what to send, which address to send it to, and so forth among the contest posts, but then I could just be really dense (mass divided by volume, or maybe it's the other way around.)
Please!!
Thanks.
(My verification word is "pkdjewsr," which looks lucky to me and Daphne--PKD for Phil Dick, of course, and "jewsr" as another magical word. Encouraging!)
Congratulations on the baby, Kim!
Regarding the contest, I loved reading all the entries for first 100 words. But the contest I valued the most was the pitch contest. It helped me come up with a pitch for my query that garnered 6 full manuscript requests!
For future contests, if you and Jessica are so brave as to subject yourself once again to the chaos, I'd love to see a dialogue contest, and a chapter end contest. That would be very fun.
Thanks for all you do!
Aha--here is what was said to an early winner, Spyscribbler: "The prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog." So . . . did I actually win, or was I just a "mention"? Sorry to be so stooopid. Just trying to make sure I don't overstep. Because I think I was merely an honorable mention, not a winner, in the first place!
What I learned from the Bookends contest: That there are a lot of talented writers out there.
And I like all that subjectivity too. Like you, there's lots of NYT books or "big" books I don't get. That subjectivity in agenting and editorial selection is what gives us variety, so that everyone -- no matter their sensibilities -- can find something that suits their tastes.
I really like the contests. I wished I'd won one but it's still fun.
I like the idea of the chapter ends contests. I was also thinking maybe love scenes but with some kind of rating system or warning or something so no one gets offended. Dialogue sounds good too. Depends on your guys' stamina but I personally really liked seeing the actual writing samples better than pitches and queries.
Just my two cents.
Love the blog, btw!
~Moth
Shalanna --
I believe your excerpt was one of Jessica's honorable mentions. While only the first-place winners were entitled to detailed critiques of their query, synopsis and first chapters, I would strongly suggest that anyone whose excerpt was a runner-up or honorable mention -- and the manuscript is complete -- query either of us letting us know that you were one of our picks. We'd love to hear from you.
Our website states that we don't accept "unsolicited proposal packages," meaning that we prefer to receive a query before you send any partials.
And thanks to everyone for the congrats!
Such wonderful news, Kim. Congratulations!
The challenge of writing 100 words to capture the eye and soul taught me so much. When writing a novel, it's easy to look at the prospective size and feel that we have plenty of time and space to make our point. I often have to remind myself that Dostoevsky probably wouldn't make it past the partial in today's market. Learning to tighten my writing so that a mere 100 words can engage the reader was a tremendous growing experience. Thank you for the opportunity.
And one final personal perk: the 100-word challenge inspired a completely new storyline, and I'm now five chapters in!
Roben1I missed the paranormal category and that ms. was complete. I kept reading all of the entries and waited for the romantic suspense and entered the beginning of my WIP. I did get an honorable mention from Jessica and will submit when that book is finished.
The main thing that I got from reading all of the categories was the wealth of talent that is out there. I almost didn't enter. But I think everyone who has said this is right, it's a subjective business.
I do understand that even though my beginning may have recieved some notice, it is just the beginning. I think if the first sentence catches the reader's attention, so must the first paragraph, the first page, the first chapter, the first act. As writers we can't ever slack off. And on that note, this slacker had better get to work, there is writing to be done.
Congrats! on the baby! Enjoy every moment of your maternity leave. It's a wonderful bonding time.
I thought it was a great contest, but don't have suggestions for another (too lazy to brainstorm, really!) I think you and Jessica both made it very clear when the contest was going on that just because an entry didn't garner a win or a mention doesn't mean people shouldn't query. I'm surprised that many of the winners haven't submitted their material! Maybe chapters were written, but synopses unfinished, etc. However, I'm not sure I see the point of entering a pretty specific contest when you know up front what the winner "wins" and then not following through on the submission. It's a great opportunity. Send in your chapters, winners!
Thank you, Kim! I shall query. Using the G/L on the agency site, of course. *grin* And add my congratulations on the blessed event--I forgot about that when I was stressing over the query thing earlier. . . .
Wow, I'm shocked the winners didn't respond ASAP! But I do know that last minute fear factor of wanting to give it a polish just one more time. Even when it's on the shelf and ready to go I can't resist giving it a go-over one more time. Call it last minute jitters.
One thing I did not like about the contest was that I read so many great beginnings I want the rest of the book!!!
I learned to work on my openings even though that has always been one of my strengths.
What is so interesting to me is that even after publication there are lessons to be learned reading this blog. Pitching, hooks and first pages are critical at every level.
I think it can't be said enough- perseverance - that's the key.
At the risk of sounding lazy, I'd rather have you pick the subjects/genres. After all, you're more attuned to what is hot right now.
The contests did help me move out of my comfort zone and forced me to work a little, "faster".
Here's wishing a quick and easy birthing day.
Hi Kim!
First of all, congratulations on your baby! I bet you're excited.
I wanted to thank you for having the contest. You gave all of us an incredible opportunity to grow as writers.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the entries you posted and getting a sample of everyone's voice and style. The comments that you and Jessica made were also really cool to read.
Egads! I just read your comment about submitting. As runner-up with Out of the Shade I will definitely submit my manuscript when it is completed.
As for future contests, dialogue would be pretty cool or maybe a description of a place, room or person without a complete info dump.
Thanks again.
Kim,
First, congratulations. Babies are lifes greatest wonder and joy.
Second, thanks to both of you for all your hard work in the blog in the contests.
I did learn a lot. Not sure it stuck with my brain long enough to improve, but I'm working on that.
Future contests? Dialogue, setting, chapter endings, humor.
Congrats on the baby...the best thing God created and helped us be part of it.
I loved the entries and yes what i took away was the voice dominated all.
I didn't enter. Either I have a lousy voice or I fall into the second category where the voice 'grows' over time. My first 100 words didnt have that ooomph in them. I could have revised them, but I felt that was like cheating. ???
Thanks a lot
What I learned...was that you don't represent what I write.
:)
I learned it was an amazing feeling to wake up in the morning, have my nice cup of java and read this blog to find my name mentioned along with my entry in the last round! Kinda like a nice little pat on the back! There were so many diverse entries I totally loved reading each and every one of them!
Thank you Kim and Jessica for taking the time to devote to something like this, considering you have such hectic schedules! And Kim, a baby on the way as well!
I'll be sending along my query for sure!
First,
Congratualations Kim on your new baby, sending you many happy hour vibes. Babies are wonderful time wasters, but I loved evey precious moment of every one of mine. And those moments go so quickly. So enjoy.
The thing I learned most was how to convey your meaning with brevity and clarity to make an impact in those first hundred words. It is not an easy skill and in most cases necessitated a severe prune back.
Did that destroy the meaning? Not at all, if anything made the opening even more crisp and attention getting.
Thanks so much for using your very valuable time to help others.
Don't forget: anniversary tribute to Miss Snark on Pat Wood's Blog starting May 20th.
The I think the most useful thing I gained from the contests was some perspective on the wide variety of ways with which a novel could be opened.
Being a "classics" junkie, accustomed to the slow-build, it was very enlightening to see how other writers dive right into the action, dragging you along with them. Lots of great talent here.
Lastly - on a personal note - Kim - Mazel Tov on your new baby! ~ Fawn