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By: David Elzey,
on 7/4/2008
Blog:
The Excelsior File
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by Dean Brindell Fradin
illustrated by Larry Day
Walker Books 2008
It's a reflection of my quality education that I graduated without knowing the story of the duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton. Or it's proof of what a horrible student I used to be. But perhaps if I'd had this nifty little picture book when I was younger it would have stuck with me while I was attempting to handle
With fewer entries in the erotic romance category, Jessica and I were able to find more common ground. In fact, we were able to agree on a winner and two runners-up. But since there were fewer than half the number of entries as in the previous contest, we didn’t pick any honorable mentions this time. So you won’t see a second post tomorrow.
That said, let’s announce the winner, shall we?
Anonymous 4:29 pm — Five Days
The first day, I couldn't look him in the face.
I gazed at the granite floor of the foyer while I waited for his orders.
"I'm not going to hurt you."
"You'd be within your rights if you did." I kept my gaze cast down. I owed him so much for what I'd done to him, and all he'd asked for was five days. He would have my body, and I would reclaim my soul.
"Heaven save me from martyrs," he muttered. "Are you going to mope around the place all week? It's not much of a turn-on."
Jessica: I thought this was sexy and definitely sounded like a solid erotic romance. What I also liked about these 100 words were that they kept you guessing. What is going to happen next? And what is the setup. I’m assuming because of the title that this is going to be five days of sex, but how did the protagonist get there and why? I definitely want to know more.
Kim: What makes this excerpt so sexy is the provocative setup. There’s an element of mystery: What did she do to him that’s put her in the submissive position? It creates a wonderful tension between the two of them. The opening feels pretty dark. After all, she says she needs to reclaim her soul. But before everything gets too heavy, he lightens the tone by telling her that her moping is killing the mood. I’d love to see where this is going.
Congratulations, Anonymous!! When you’re ready for your critique, please send your query letter, synopsis, and first chapter to our blog e-mail link. Great work!
Here’s our runners-up!
Jackie Barbosa — Lady Libertine
He must be the devil. He was as beautiful and tempting as sin.
If he had come for Amelia’s not-so-dearly departed husband, arriving at the funeral seemed a bit late. If he had come for her, she would gladly accompany him. Hell itself could not be worse than the dreary, meager existence that awaited her in Hanscombe’s dowager house.
Not to mention it was too near Richard.
The thought of her stepson drew Amelia’s gaze to him. Even after all these years, his proximity sent revulsion crawling over her skin.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” the vicar intoned.
Jessica: I really love sexy and erotic historical romance, and because of that I really liked this. But a funeral is also a great setup for endings as well as beginnings. And who doesn’t want to know more about Richard or the beautiful tempting devil?
Kim: Let’s face it, devils are always hot (corny pun intended)! Again, there’s a lot of mystery going on here. What happened to her “not-so-dearly departed husband” and why is her stepson such a creep? All of that leaves me curious, but most of all I’m waiting to hear more about this beautiful devil and what he’ll be doing to tempt her even more.
Shannon — When Good Demons Go Bad
The son of a bitch was going to kill her with sex . . . again, but what else could she expect from a rogue sex demon. Even while Cassandra “Raven” Caledre reveled in the feel of Fallyn’s perfect body gliding against her naked flesh, she lifted the ceremonial dagger, determined to kill him before the demon finished releasing her soul.
His small, sharp fangs bit lovingly into her shoulder as Fallyn whispered directly into her mind, Let me pleasure you, little Raven, and I swear, with your next life, the surrender will be mine. Letting the dagger fall, she accepted his bargain.
Jessica: This was great. Great title and really great opening line. Killing her with sex. I love it.
Kim: I think what was most intriguing about that first line was that she had apparently already been killed before. She knew what she was in for, but the passion is so great that she’s willing to surrender her life again to be with him. The real draw is the Fallyn character. Is he sincere? Can a rogue sex demon even be sincere? Will he surrender to her next time? Or is he just playing her to get what he wants?
Nicely done, Jackie and Shannon!
Now it’s time for another contest!
TODAY IS THE CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE CONTEST!!
Here are the rules:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, March 4th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then move on to the next genre. Keep an eye out for your category!
So, once again Jessica and I proved that we have very different tastes. We’re hoping that by posting these entries and detailing what we liked about them, we’re not only giving these authors the recognition they deserve but also providing some insight into whether we might be the right target for your own work.
JESSICA’S THOUGHTS AND PICKS
I think it’s hilarious that so far Kim and I are two for two when it comes to picking a winner. In each contest so far we’ve picked our five top choices and only one was a match—we dug deeper into our favorites for the runner-up.
So here are my honorable mentions. I think you’ll see that I tend to gravitate toward a darker voice and more suspense, but of course there is always a surprise in there. I don’t like to be too predictable. Oh, and by the way, these are in no particular order, except, well, the order you submitted them. . . .
Aj -- Wings of Desire
(Fantasy with Romantic Elements)
Lorelei froze when she saw the envelope on the mantel.
She’d known it was coming, despite her denials; foretold by a prickling restlessness, an itch in her joints, a preoccupation with sex – and a premonition of flight. Though something rose joyfully within her bones at the thought of flying, she remained torn.
The invitation that must not be refused had arrived. She would have to decide.
She fingered it thoughtfully, unsurprised to see it had been opened. Although it concerned her fate this summons bore her mother’s name, not her own.
Dragons were not only traditional, but matriarchal.
I like this setup a lot. It’s dark, but yet has a touch of humor. I like that she had the premonition that this horrible letter was coming and I really like that she’s a dragon. That grabbed my attention, but I also want to know more about this letter. I want to know what’s in it and what’s going to happen next and that’s certainly key.
Harris Channing -- Witchy Woman (Paranormal Romance)
The mat read, "Welcome". Unfortunately, nothing else about the house offered a cheerful greeting. Peeling paint, pollen tinted windows and the musty smell of rotten wood spoke of aged neglect.
With tentative fingers, Stella Campbell grasped the tarnished brass doorknob to her aunt's house. Thirteen years ago, she had fled through this door, vowing that she'd never return. Thirteen years had passed, the memory of that horrible night still haunting her every waking moment. Thirteen years had slipped away since her aunt held her down and sacrificed her virginity to a demon.
Wow! I thought this was so powerful. And so very creepy. I have a feeling that this is one of those times when the last line, the aunt holding her down to sacrifice her virginity, could backfire on you. Don’t change it, though. It’s one of those things that just might catch the wrong agent the wrong way. It’s great, though. It’s intriguing, it’s dark and, like I said, it’s very powerful. It leaves me dying to know more about Stella and what brought her back. I love the atmosphere you’ve created and your setting. Terrific work.
Anonymous 12:11 pm -- Hex Appeal (paranormal romance)
As far as Sara Wardwell was concerned, J.K. Rowling could bite her.
Harry Potter wannabes hadn't annoyed her until four months ago, when her assignments from the Witches Council had directed her to start tracking teenagers with no sense of self-preservation. If she had to run in one more hormonal teen for dabbling with dangerous magic or performing an illegal spell, she might sell off what little she owned and move to Mexico.
She stood under the limbs of a tree darkened by moon-cast shadows and watched five hooded teenagers, their black robes swaying in a faint onshore breeze.
Obviously this has a very, very different voice from the previous two entries, but I liked it. Of course the fact that J. K. Rowling could bite her might have everything to do with it. Who didn’t laugh out loud at that comment? I thought this was funny and it left me wanting to know more about Sara’s anger toward Harry Potter.
Chessie -- Chains of Honor
“Damn it, Hatch! This is war. If you can’t handle it, get your ass back to the transport.” Cyani slammed her back against the tunnel wall as the shattering explosion of a K-bomb shook the ground. Fine pebbles and dust crumbled over her head, illuminating the laser sights streaming from her team’s eyepieces. She scanned her men to see if any of them were beginning to panic. They couldn’t lose focus.
“I’m fine, Captain,” Hatch shouted back. He cringed as another blast rumbled in the distance. “Don’t like tight spaces is all.”
Earthlen, they could be so damn unpredictable.
My enjoyment of these 100 words might have everything to do with my earlier stated love of things like task forces and special teams or units, but I liked this. I thought it had a great dry humor to it. You also do a really good job of setting the stage and weaving in that this is not your typical military mission. The use of the word "Earthlen" is really what pushes it over the edge. It shows in one simple word that this is something different. Good work.
KIM’S PICKSAnonymous 11:00 am -- Gargoyle Alliance
Death didn’t improve the looks of a gargoyle. Or the smell.
Lyana wrinkled her nose as she scanned the scattered remains of at least three of the creatures. There didn’t seem to be any live ones nearby.
Davios gave a protesting whine. I’ve been in swamps that smelled better. His complaint rang in her head.
Sorry. Lyana choked back a surge of nausea, breathing through her mouth. It must be worse for you. Your nose is more sensitive than mine.
But you’re closer. Happy to leave this one to you, boss.
I realized after I picked this entry that I made some assumptions about it that could very well be off the mark. When I first read the scene, I got the impression that Lyana was some type of investigator or forensic specialist in the supernatural. Reading back over it again, I see that that’s not necessarily the case. But what I like about the excerpt is the image of these dead otherworldly creatures. (What can I say? I’m morbid.) It reads like a supernatural crime scene. I like that Lyana has some sort of mysterious, magical partner that communicates by thought. And since this world seems so familiar to Lyana, I’m interested to find out if she is magical too.
Anonymous 11:14 am -- Untitled
When I was younger, I used to think our next door neighbor--bent, gray, cackling Miss Ravenwhistle--was a witch. It wasn't until I caught her dousing our doorstep in holy water that I realized she thought my mother was one. I even asked my mother about it once, when I was about ten. She laughed. I laughed. But she didn't say yes or no.
Like all the women in our family, uncanny luck follows Mama wherever she goes. But luck takes two forms: good and bad.
Today, we fought against the bad.
I liked the surprising turn this entry took in the second sentence. I’m thinking, “okay, yeah, the old lady next door is a witch.” Then it turns out that the mother may be the real witch. I also like the interesting mother-daughter dynamic this sets up. A suspicious daughter. A secretive mother. And finally, we’re left with that great feeling of suspense. What’s the bad luck? I’d definitely keep turning the pages to find out!
Laura — Untitled or A Comedy of Witches
The Committee of the Disaffected met every week for personal growth and enlightenment. This usually involved tequila and always involved a debate.
Tonight’s featured discussion was the yoga class they had decided to take together at the town rec center. When they soon found themselves in the emergency room in hopes of having Diana extricated from a difficult Astravakransana pose, The Committee of the Disaffected knew it was time to implement plan C.
After an infinite number of med students and an adequate supply of muscle relaxants were employed to rescue the woman from her predicament, they retired to a nearby restaurant to discuss their options.
I liked the light tone of this entry. The voice is terrific and I feel like it holds the promise of a lot of great, quirky characters. I think what drew me to this excerpt is that it feels that it’s more about the relationships between these women. It reads like the beginning of a witchy women’s fiction, and I find that extremely intriguing.
Alex Adams — Family Ghouls
William Jollybanks was dead. I knew this because he was walking up Main Street, frank 'n' beans dangling out through the slit in his pajamas. They were the same blue-and-white checked bottoms he was wearing last month when a silver BMW crushed him.
That had ended badly for everyone involved. Missy Caper ended up with a broken nose and a busted bumper, and William was chopped in two. His walker had done zip to protect him.
Yeah, William definitely got the worst deal. And Missy? She got a new nose which made her pretty damn happy, from what I hear.
I just loved the voice of this entry. It’s funny and very conversational. Part of the charm is that we’re immediately introduced to a ghost, but we don’t dwell on the apparition or go on to descriptions of him in infinite detail. (I mean, do we want to see any more after we’ve seen the “frank ‘n’ beans” anyway?) Instead, the narrator goes on to tell us what happened to the other victims in the crash and about Missy’s nose job. I can see from the first 100 words that this manuscript promises a good laugh.
That wraps up the paranormal/fantasy category. Thanks to all who participated and congratulations to the honorable mentions!
It happened again! Jessica and I shared only one common entry in our top five picks, so the winner was obvious. Drum roll, please . . .
Shannon — Dragon Born
I was six the day my mother realized I wasn’t normal. I was fourteen the day I realized she would kill me for it.
I envy those who tell stories about their wonderful lives. I want to warn them, every time I seem them . . . at the movies, out for dinner, laughing and talking like they have nothing to fear.
I was like that once. I thought my life was perfect once. The creatures took that away from me one dark night. They stole it from me with my mother’s blessing and changed me forever.
Jessica: I was thrilled when I saw that Kim had picked Shannon’s as well and that it was the only one we had in common because I had already decided I was going to fight for this one to win. I absolutely loved it. I thought these 100 words were brilliant. I love the setup. Isn’t it amazing how much you can learn from a character in only 100 words? And what an opening for a book . . . "they stole it from me with my mother’s blessing and changed me forever.” This is the kind of opening to a book that makes me get up from my desk and move to a comfy chair in the hopes that I’ll be there for the rest of the day. It has atmosphere, brilliant setup to what’s to come, and a real feel for the character. Great work, Shannon!
Kim: This one grabbed me immediately. It sets a tone and creates a tremendous feeling of suspense. I want to know how the narrator is different and I want to know why his/her own mother would want to kill because of it. Shannon’s created a dark and mysterious world that feels thick with danger. I wouldn’t want to be in it, but I sure do want to read about it. Good stuff!
Congratulations, Shannon! When you’re ready for us to critique your query letter, synopsis, and first chapter, please just send them to the blog e-mail link.
Jessica and I were also able to agree on a runner-up:
Diane — Out of the Shade
Some days having wings is a bitch; especially when a smelly assed goblin is holding me by them in front of his mouth like a French fry.
I looked out the broken shop window at my coworkers; members of the Supernatural Task Force, waiting for their brilliant surprise attack to begin. I had been sent in as the decoy. Six inches of faery with a bad case of PMS, supercharged by the earth’s energy that I had absorbed to shrink to this size. The goblin gang, high as kites, laughed and their leader then plucked me out of the air.
Jessica: Another case of leaving me laughing out loud. I love the thought of this poor Tinkerbell-like fairy stuck in the claws of a greasy goblin while her coworkers are outside planning their “attack.” I also love the title Supernatural Task Force. Those kinds of things always grab my attention. I’m a sucker for task forces, forensic teams, and the like. And like all of those I choose as winners, runners-up, or honorable mentions, I love this voice.
Kim: I love how this excerpt paints a picture. I could immediately visualize the whole scene, which isn’t easy when we’re talking about goblins and faeries. I think it’s largely due to that image of the goblin “holding me by [the wings] in front of his mouth like a French fry.” I also like the feistiness of the narrator. I mean she’s obviously in a pretty vulnerable position if she can compare herself to a French fry, so to still have so much spunk really speaks to the faery’s character. This was just plain fun to read.
Tomorrow we’ll be talking about our honorable mentions again, so you can once again get a feel for what we’re looking for. I want to reiterate what we said the last time (and I know I’ll be repeating this after every contest): Please don’t be discouraged from submitting to us if you weren’t chosen as one of our top picks. We saw a lot of great writing and interesting stories in these entries, and it’s still quite possible you could pique our interest with your query letter.
That said, it’s time to introduce a new contest!
TODAY IS THE EROTIC ROMANCE CONTEST!
We’re accepting all types of erotic romance, including contemporary, historical, and paranormal.
***PLEASE NOTE THAT SOME OF THESE ENTRIES MAY DESCRIBE GRAPHIC SEX SCENES. WE KNOW THIS KIND OF MATERIAL ISN’T FOR EVERYBODY. IF YOU FIND THIS TYPE OF WRITING PERSONALLY OFFENSIVE, THEN PLEASE REFRAIN FROM READING THE COMMENTS SECTION.***
Here are the rules:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, February 26th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then move on to the next genre. But this time we’ll make it a surprise, just to keep you on your toes!
As I mentioned yesterday, Jessica and I found that we had fairly different tastes when it came to our judging. I guess that’s why we all complement one another so well at BookEnds. In terms of category we all overlap quite a bit in what we represent, but we each gravitate toward different types of writing. We each see different strengths and establish relationships with editors that we know are looking for those same qualities. It makes for a well-rounded agency. It’s also one of the reasons we would recommend actually reading books represented by agents you are interested in. Not only will you get a sense of the types of books they represent, but also the voice they gravitate toward.
JESSICA’S THOUGHTS AND PICKS:
First of all, I need to say that I was really impressed. In the end I had to narrow down my list of favorites from about 12 or 15 to just 5 (since that’s what Kim and I had decided on), which means that beyond these honorable mentions there were quite a few others that grabbed my attention. I think one reader mentioned that 100 words was an interesting contest and that in a lot of cases you couldn’t really judge what the book was based on that. And you were right. But 100 words is enough to grab any reader’s attention and leave them wanting more, or not. I also know that 100 words won’t always give the flavor of the book that the author wants the reader to end with. In other words, with a cozy mystery, for example, the first 100 words might be spent introducing the sleuth and have absolutely nothing to do with the mystery, while a thriller might open with the killer and give you no insight into your protagonist. In the end, though, 100 words is enough to let us know whether or not we want to read another 100 words.
I had read somewhere that when talking about our pitch critiques someone said it was an easy way to be rejected by BookEnds. I hope that those who entered do not feel this way. A lot of these 100-word entries intrigued us (as did a lot of the pitch critiques), and just because we didn’t pick you as a winner, runner-up, or honorable mention doesn’t mean you should rule BookEnds out as someone to query. There were a lot of great ideas in there and I can’t wait to see what the rest of you have to say in other genres.
Okay, so that being said, here are my honorable mentions . . .
THE SURPRISE ENDING — Green Ray
I’ve always known, ever since I was a little boy, that one day I would kill someone. I never told anyone this, however – not even my mother – or any of my psychiatrists. That’s why I’m telling you now from this strange place in which I find myself. Such a very strange place; not at all what I expected. And what a surprise! Life is full of surprises, but death is full of certainty.
Let me begin my story – for I desperately need to tell it – at the Metropolitan Opera, New York City. It was the second intermission of Wagner’s Parsifal –
This is my kind of writing. I liked the dark, suspenseful feel and you hooked me from the first sentence. Who isn’t intrigued by someone who has always known he would kill? I love that and I love your setting. The Metropolitan Opera gives it a spooky,
Phantom of the Opera appeal, and I’m not even a fan of musicals. Very well done. Great tone and voice.
Mercy Me — Denise McDonald
“He did what?” Sophie Gallagher stopped halfway through the office door, her cell phone gripped so tight her fingers ached.
“Dad said Ray put an ad in the Pennysaver.” Sophie’s mother hurried on, “He advertised as a mercenary for hire.”
“Lord.” Sophie ran her free hand over her face. When she’d moved five hundred miles to take the job with her Uncle Ray four years ago, it had been as a favor to her father. To help keep her scatterbrained uncle’s PI business solvent. Not to babysit for the ever-addled uncle who fancied himself MacGyver and Magnum rolled into one.
It’s funny how very different this pitch is from the one before. While that one was dark and brooding this is clearly light and funny. Just goes to show what a split personality I am. This pitch made me laugh out loud. I love the Pennysaver ad and who can resist a man who thinks of himself as MacGyver and Magnum rolled into one. I definitely want to see what else this book has to offer.
The Myth-Chaser — Suzanne Perazzini
I was born intense, with a purpose, with a steadfastness that no man can unsettle. As a child I knew which path to take through the woods to find the otter in the stream and as an adult, if I listen closely enough to my heart, I know where to look for the answers, even those which have defied generations of seekers.
I grew up to follow an unusual career path.
This pitch intrigues me in a different way from the others. It leaves a lot of questions and I like that. Of course, I also hope that a number of those are answered shortly. But I’m interested to know more about this intense person who listens to her/his heart and obviously I want to know what the unusual career path is. I like the dark, mysteriousness of this pitch and I like that the author discusses an intense hero and shows us intensity in the writing.
BLUE DIAMONDS — Jackie B.
In the bedroom, dark except for the cool blue moonlight slanting in through the blinds, Ronan brushed his hand over his wife's bare thigh.
He crawled into bed and with one arm, held himself over her, admired her laying beneath him. Her long, auburn hair fanning out across the pillow.
Settling in between her legs, he heard her soft giggle, followed by a sigh. Her hazel eyes danced.
He smiled down at her and trailed a finger slowly up the inside of her leg, higher and higher, until her mouth parted and her back arched.
“Yes...”
I know this pitch doesn’t sound anything like a mystery, and that’s exactly why it appeals to me. It doesn’t have the obvious opening and it allows my imagination to run. I could assume that she’s saying “yes” in ecstasy, but is she really? And how is this going to end? Is it just a great erotic sex scene or, since it’s a mystery, is it going to end badly? Either way I want to know.
KIM’S PICKS:
CASE ONE — Keri Ford
I hadn’t been raised a dummy and knew trash talking coupled with charm, fit body, and skimpy clothes equaled large tips for a bar waitress. Momma thought my work to be a bit degrading, but not me. Not when I had my own air conditioned home, with cable. At the moment I poured a cosmo as I had every other one, but this time an unfamiliar man watching me made my knees knock. He was a pleasant upgrade from the usual types looking for my number since he was physically fit, dressed nicely, and had all his teeth.
The voice is terrific. The narrator speaks to us in a way that seems familiar and casual — as if we’ve known her for years. She’s street smart, witty and interesting. Even though the mystery part of the story hasn’t become evident, I’d love to see this narrator stuck in the middle of a complicated crime.
CONFLUENCE POINT — Anonymous 5:22 pm
The guard unshackled the kid outside of my cell, saying, “Another cop killer for you, Warren.”
After eleven years in Corcoran State Prison, I’d had my share of new cellmates, none of them as young as Nick. Slight and smooth-faced, Nick acted as though his long rap sheet and conviction for triple homicide made him tough. That first night, he used my mattress as a stepping stool to get to his bunk. Either he was testing me or he was stupid. The result was the same. I bounced him off the wall.
Again, great voice. I’m intrigued by the notion of a mystery that begins from a convicted criminal’s point of view, but it’s more than that. The guy is tough, observant and funny. The reader knows that he’s incarcerated, and sees that he thinks he owns the joint, but yet there’s something likable about him. I want to get to know him better.
FIRST CALL — Liz Mugavero
Luther Trott could smell death.
He knew because he’d smelled it before, more times in his thirty-eight years than he cared to count. Over time, he’d learned the scent did not overpower; in fact, most people traveling this road at this moment would not notice anything amiss.
But Luther was trained to notice when something, or someone, was amiss.
This smell, this vibe, promised a painful death: The pungent aroma of blood mixing with earth, the faint stench of gasoline right before a fire erupted to life, both evident despite the heavy scent of the ocean simmering in the background.
I loved this setup. Who is Luther and why is he able to smell death? Is it some sort of paranormal ability or something much simpler and less literal than that? I’m also fascinated by the idea that different types of death have different smells. I’m thoroughly intrigued and was hooked by the very first sentence.
FALSE CONFESSION — Pamelad
At first glance, the young mother and baby looked as though they were sharing a peaceful nap. Until you looked closer, and saw the single clean bullet wounds in their chests.
“Why would he do this? He looks like he adores her. It just doesn’t make sense.” My partner Jen was looking at a recent picture, taken on Christmas day, showing the husband smiling down at his wife and baby.
“This happens more often than you’d think,” I said as I lightly traced an old scar near my collarbone. I was lucky, my ex-husband hadn’t been very good with a gun.
I liked this entry, because it surprised me. It opens as any police procedural might, but then we get an unexpected glimpse into the narrator’s life. Right away I feel an intimacy with the narrator that I’m betting a lot of the characters in the book don’t have with her. All of a sudden, it’s not about the crime scene, it’s about her past.
Congratulations to all of the honorable mentions. We hope this gives all of our blog readers a glimpse into our heads, so that you have a better idea of what each of us looks for in a submission. Looking forward to the next round!
Well, it turns out that there was a very clear winner in the Mystery contest, because it was the only entry that both Jessica and I picked for our top 5! And the winner is . . .
Mark Terry, The Zombie Zoo
Samantha Black was dressed to kill. She liked that expression. Dressed to kill. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror behind the bar, just another beautiful face in the crowd. She picked up her drink, a zombie, the club’s specialty, vodka and grapefruit juice, and made a modest toast to herself. She took a sip, intending to nurse it. She needed a clear head. She didn’t need the buzz. She already had one of her own making and it was better than alcohol. She smiled. The image in the mirror smiled back.
Jessica: I personally liked Mark’s entry because it’s just a great setup. From those 100 short words you get a great sense of voice and you are beyond curious. Is she literally dressed to kill? Who is this woman and what is she up to? Mark’s 100 words have me wanting to read more. Thanks!
Kim: I agree. I loved the voice in this excerpt. It pulls you in from the very first sentence or two. Plus, it’s a great mystery opening. Is she literally “dressed to kill”? The writing is very lean. Not a single wasted word.
Nice work, Mark! When you’re ready to send the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of
The Zombie Zoo for our critique, just send it through the blog e-mail link. We look forward to seeing more!
While it turned out that Jessica and I had pretty different tastes overall, we were able to pick one runner-up that made both of our radars.
The runner-up is:
Anonymous 10:34,
PeripheralsIt was gone.
He blinked a few times in case there was something wrong with his vision, but it didn’t change the fact that his body wasn’t where he left it.
He'd seen the sheet pulled over his face before he was yanked to the light so he knew he was supposed to be dead. What he didn't expect was to be kicked to the curb when he reached it.
His mother was waiting for him when he got there, arms crossed, a pissed look on her face, tapping her foot.
Jessica: I thought this was hysterical, and funny usually makes me want to read more. The general setup, someone being dead, isn’t completely new. I’ve seen that one before, but the mother at the other end, the pissed-off mother, is brilliant. I love this! I’m intrigued and would definitely want more.
Kim: Again, for me it’s the voice. Like Jessica said, a dead narrator isn’t uncharted territory, but the notion of “losing” his dead body and the eye-rolling dead mother was fun and intriguing. Plus, it’s succinct. No time’s wasted getting to the point. We learn a lot about the narrator in just a few sentences.
Beyond these two that we agreed upon, Jessica and I had very different lists of our favorites. I think each of us actually look for different qualities in those first pages. So tomorrow we’re going to talk about our honorable mentions. We each chose four more excerpts that really stood out for us. We’ll highlight those and tell you why we liked them.
Overall, we were really impressed with the quality of the writing in all of the entries. If your excerpt didn’t make it in our honorable mentions or top picks, please don’t be discouraged from querying us. Obviously, it’s tough to judge a complete book based on the first 100 words, and just because we didn’t select your work for the blog doesn’t mean you couldn’t grab our attention with your proposal or query letter.
TODAY IS THE PARANORMAL ROMANCE/ROMANCE WITH FANTASY ELEMENTS/FANTASY WITH ROMANTIC ELEMENTS CONTEST! (That’s a mouthful!)
Here are the rules:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in the same or different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. We’re accepting excerpts of both finished and unfinished works.
6. The deadline is tomorrow, February 20th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
And in case you’ve forgotten, the prize is a critique of the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
We’ll post the winners in a few days and then move on to the next genre: Erotic Romance!
Happy Valentine’s Day! We have a surprise for you! So if your significant other drops the ball and doesn’t come home with a dozen roses or a bottle of expensive aftershave, you can’t say you didn’t get anything this year. (But you can still lay on that guilt trip pretty thick. . . .)
We’re launching a new contest today, and this one is going to be something a little different. We’ll actually be judging a whole series of contests. We decided to try several genre-specific competitions of the first 100 words of the work. We’ll be limiting the types of books to the areas that we represent. Honestly, do you want someone judging your YA who hasn’t read anything in the genre since Judy Blume’s Forever first hit shelves? Probably not. And we’re not going to presume to call ourselves experts in genres we just don’t read on a regular basis. Selfishly, it also gives us a very real opportunity to find a potential new client. Seems like a win-win.
Honestly, we also think it can be tough to declare an ultimate winner in a contest that includes a variety of book types. What if the top three are a terrific cozy, an emotional women’s fiction, and a really hot romance? They may all be great in their own ways, but it can be impossible sometimes to decide which is ultimately the best when the three genres rely on very different writing devices to make them work. Frankly, we don’t want to put ourselves through that hair-pulling, so this seemed the best alternative.
In the next few months we’ll be holding contests in the following genres:
Mystery (traditional and cozy)
Paranormal Romance/Romance With Fantasy Elements
Erotic Romance
Women’s Fiction
Romantic Suspense
Contemporary Romance
Thriller/Suspense
Historical Romance
WE’RE LAUNCHING TODAY WITH THE MYSTERY CONTEST!
The rules are as follows:
1. We’ll only accept entries that are posted in the comments section of this blog article. No e-mailed entries will be considered.
2. Include your title and the first 100 words of your book. Now, we’re not saying to leave us hanging mid-sentence here. Stop wherever the previous sentence ends, but do not exceed 100 words.
3. The same work cannot be entered in more than one genre. If you think your book straddles more than one genre, you’ll have to pick one. We will, however, accept multiple works from the same author in different categories.
4. Once the material is entered, it’s your final entry. We won’t allow revised versions of the same work.
5. The deadline is tomorrow, February 15th, at 9:00 a.m. EST.
The prize, you ask? Accolades from the masses! Oh, and we’ll critique the query letter, synopsis, and first chapter of the winning entry in each genre! The winner will e-mail us the additional material and we’ll provide our notes privately, not on the blog. We will, however, discuss what we liked about each winning 100-word entry on the blog, and will pull out a few honorable mentions to highlight other excerpts that came close and why.
Jessica and I will post the winner within the next couple of days, and at that time we’ll go on to the paranormal romance category. So start whipping those projects into shape!
Let the games begin!
Kim
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Arg. Saw the cover and thought it was a graphic novel. Wouldn't be a bad bit o' subject matter for a GN, come to think of it.