Back in July of this year, I made what for me is a large, life decision. Rather than continue on my convoluted path to a degree, I decided to focus my energy on writing. I signed up for a creative writing class, scheduled writing time into my calendar and began a novel which for me was a huge step! I actually came up with an idea for a plot—something entirely new and very exciting. I know there are people out there who are blessed with many stories clamoring in their heads to get out. That has not been my experience. I'm more of a serious thinker—something that lends itself to philosophical discussions and, I'm sad to say, lectures. Listening to the instructor and reading numerous books and articles on how to write a bestselling novel has been extremely helpful. It has also been somewhat intimidating. You see, for me, the act of getting up and actually putting those words on paper was heady stuff. The way I was able to do that was to tell myself it didn't matter if what I wrote was good; just write. Just get the words on paper and worry about making it pretty later. That was working for me until the second session of the writing class and here's where my tension begins. The instructor's goal is for each of us to have three chapters written and ready to be presented to an agent or publisher. I went into the first class feeling excited and optimistic about having over 60 pages written. I know, I know. For those of you who are "real" writers, this doesn't sound like much but for me, it is huge. However, I came away from that class feeling disheartened. "Grab the reader". Carry the reader forward by "creative tension" within the narrative. Don't write in the first person unless you really know what you're doing. Don't write in the present tense unless you really know what you're doing. Don't put in too much detail as it will turn the reader off. The list of "rules" becomes pretty stifling. I'm at a place in my novel where I need to create some dramatic tension, some breathtaking conflict. I'm finding myself a bit stymied by the challenge of it and as a result, I'm finding myself falling into a familiar pattern of avoidance. This week I spent two days organizing what I've written into chapters and scenes in this wonderful new program I found called StoryBook. I wrote a few sentences and decided I need to have lunch at a local restaurant portrayed in the story so I can provide just the right amount of details. Another day was spent exploring what's out there to help inform my main characters life as an FBI agent and today I'm writing this blog. You can see what's happening and so can I. I am to have the first ten pages written for the next class and some working title ideas. I've got both of these ready. Where I'm stuck is how this story is going to proceed. I'm caught between believing in myself and having the patience to wait out the action and the desire to shuck it all and start something new. THAT is a well worn pattern of mine. This isn't working so let's go do something else. That dear friends seems to be the story of my life. So here I am contemplating my predicament and trying to determine what the next step should be. Stay tuned.
