Hello everyone. Today please welcome Michael Stidham, author of LOVE EQUALS SACRIFICE. This book depicts the authors' experiences while caring for his father, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It is also the story of his journey back to faith. Enjoy.
UB: Please, tell us a little bit about yourself.
MS: My name is Michael Stidham, I'm a 43 year old CPA and I currently live in Northern Kentucky. Following college, I worked in public accounting for about two years. Shortly thereafter, I purchased a sports bar and was in business for myself until 2002. Following the sale of my business, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and fortunately I had the time to care for him until he passed away in early 2005.
UB: Is LOVE EQUALS SACRIFICE your first novel? What is the premise of your book?
MS: Love Equals Sacrifice is my first book, and is also my autobiography. It mainly focuses on the relationship between my father and I. We both spent a lot of time together after he retired in 1987 and especially when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I was very fortunate to have the time to care for him when he needed someone. He had helped me out so much over my life and I was lucky to be able to return the favor.
UB: What message or feeling did you hope to convey in writing it?
MS: There are paradoxes in life that are sometimes hard to understand. Taking care of my father when he suffered with Alzheimer's was the hardest thing I had ever done, but after he passed away, it steadily became the most rewarding. I just want people going through the same situation to know their efforts are not in vein and they're doing the right thing. Adversity has a redeeming quality to it.
UB: Will you share a little about what your father was like pre-Alzheimer's?
MS: During the Great Depression, my father spent his younger years in a home for boys. Concerning my brothers, sisters and I, my father always tried to give us the childhood he never had. We were very lucky. For most of my father's working life, he was a salesman for a toy and home products wholesaler. This was the perfect job for his personality. He loved talking to just about everyone he met. Our family often accused him of "running for office" every time he would strike up a conversation with a total stranger.
UB: What was the most difficult aspect of his mental decline both for him and for you personally?
MS: My father and I had basically reversed roles. I was now the parent and he was the child. For him, I believe the hardest thing was the fear he experienced when he couldn't remember certain things. For myself, the hardest part was dealing with his mood swings. Occasionally, my father would be in a foul mood and say something awful to me. Twenty minutes later, he was perfectly happy and had no idea of what he'd just said. Those things were difficult to hear, but over time I realized he was saying things that were basically out of his control.
UB: What do you feel was the most positive change to come from such a difficult experience?
MS: My book ends in a positive direction and the last chapter is somewhat religious. Without spoiling the ending, the most positive change for me would be returning to the Catholic Faith. My siblings and I attended the same Catholic grade school, but following that, I drifted away from religion somewhat. I was your typical teenager that thought he knew everything. Over the past several years though, my faith has helped me connect the pieces of my life's puzzle. It has truly been an enlightening experience.
UB: I have a neighbor whose wife is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. What would you say is the most important thing I can do for them?
MS: For his wife, please make sure she sees her doctor on a regular basis. The sooner you get a problem under control, the better things will be in the long run. There are memory tests which can detect a problem and medications that can slow the progression of Alzheimer's. For her husband, let him know that you are there for him. This will probably be the hardest thing he has ever gone through and he'll need your support very much.
UB: What's next for you?
MS: When I owned my business, I worked twelve years without a vacation. Following that, my father required most of my free time. I'm semi-retired for now and over the next several years, I would be honored if my book provides hope for those currently in the situation I was in.
UB: Where can my readers go find out more about you, LOVE EQUALS SACRIFICE and any of your upcoming projects?
MS: The easiest place for your readers to find information on myself and my book is www.LoveEqualsSacrifice.com.
Thank you, Mr. Stidham, for joining us today. Thank you for your candor and for your willingness to discuss a challenging period of your life. And thank you for helping to shed some light and hope on Alzheimer's. Best of luck to you.
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