This site is a place I vent my philosophy, and hopefully inspire others to do the same. Here is my first in many:

Growing up is hard. It seems especially hard in a medium sized community of only a few hundred people. And, as people get older, they say being young was the easy part. Apparently, they are losing their memory. Maybe it is because I am still young enough to remember, yet old enough to know how hard being and adult really is. To me they are just about equal.
The only reason I say that is, I firmly believe youth shapes you. And I don’t mean the stupid mistakes made as a teen with drugs, alcohol and sex. I mean childhood. The things said, and done to you. The everyday trauma’s of little kid-dom. How else would you explain a child’s mental conditioning as they get older if not imprinted by a trauma?
Punishment. Especially physical and repetitive. A child learns many things through this. First, if someone does something that is considered “bad” or “naughty” or “against a rule” it is okay and accepted to punish them in this way. Second, they are taught to be fearful, not just of the person, but of breaking a rule. Any rule, for any reason, at any time.
Third, they feel helpless. When faced with a situation that may result in punishment in either case, they become disabled, unable to make a decision based on their fear, wanting someone else to make the decision, and just taking the consequences: letting someone else take the blame for their punishment.
Avoidance and passivism are another behavior learned. Knowing when to say “yes sir” or “yes ma’am” instead of stating individuality. Knowing when they are home or away, staying in your room, or staying after school to avoid confrontation.
All shape our personalities. We may see it in ourselves, we may wish to change it, but don’t know how. Therapy helps, but we can’t get over how harsh and deep these things are.
And then we have the indirect trauma’s of the psychological and emotional. They may not be intended, then again, maybe they are. The snide comments about a growing body; threats to physically harm you (this is especially hard if you have already gone through physical abuse ), Nothing seems to be good enough, and being pulled out of everything you’ve tried to do.
It is hard for me to explain what is learned from each thing listed. But the overall lesson learned, I believe, “you don’t behave, I will hurt you, do it my way, now. You didn’t do it right; you are disgusting and you can’t do it because I said. You will never finish anything.”
Fear. Negative body image. Negative self image. No control.
Now, I know self doubt is a big problem for me, and probably for many people out there. How can you overcome self doubt in adulthood when it was instilled by the traumatic event of a parents doubt in us?
Many stop trying to aspire. I know I did. I had many, many dreams. Owning a business. Being an artist, combining the two. Or opening a small tech school for teens who dropped out, who needed to work but wanted to learn a trade. And I had plans drawn out… Big plans… I had business plans on scraps of paper… and self doubt reared its ugly face. And my gusto fizzled out.
Now, as I thing on my beginning statement, I wish to revise my opinion. Maybe youth is slightly easier. Yes, you go through the trauma’s, but it is in adulthood you feel the pain, and live the longest with it.