When you’re writing a character, it’s important to know why she is the way she is. Knowing her backstory is important to achieving this end, and one of the most impactful pieces of a character’s backstory is her emotional wound. This negative experience from the past is so intense that a character will go to great lengths to avoid experiencing that kind of pain and negative emotion again. As a result, certain behaviors, beliefs, and character traits will emerge.
Characters, like real people, are unique, and will respond to wounding events differently. The vast array of possible emotional wounds combined with each character’s personality gives you many options in terms of how your character will turn out. With the right amount of exploration, you should be able to come up with a character whose past appropriately affects her present, resulting in a realistic character that will ring true with readers. Understanding what wounds a protagonist bears will also help you plot out her arc, creating a compelling journey of change that will satisfy readers.
NOTE: We realize that sometimes a wound we profile may have personal meaning, stirring up the past for some of our readers. It is not our intent to create emotional turmoil. Please know that we research each wounding topic carefully to treat it with the utmost respect.
Discovering One’s Sibling Was Abused
Examples:
- witnessing the abuse first hand (seeing or hearing it occur)
- discovering the abuse after the fact only when one’s sibling opens up about it
- knowing one’s sibling is taking the abuse to protect oneself or other loved ones
- hearing a rumor about abuse involving one’s sibling and discovering it to be true
- being abused and realizing up to this point, one’s sibling has allowed herself or himself to been victimized in order to shield
- discovering the abuse when one’s sibling attempted suicide and left a note
- being told by a friend or family member that one’s sibling was abused
Basic Needs Often Compromised By This Wound: safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition
False Beliefs That May Be Embraced As a Result of This Wound:
- This is my fault, I should have done something
- I should have protected my sibling
- I should have seen what was happening
- I failed as a sister/brother and should have shielded them from this
- I should have been stronger and taken the abuse myself
- I am unworthy of love, respect, and trust
- I can’t help others; I will only fail or let them down
- I cause other people pain and shouldn’t be close to anyone
- I am weak and deserve only pain and unhappiness
- I can never make up for my failure, I deserve the darkness of this guilt
- I can’t protect the people I love
- I don’t deserve to feel safe and secure, not when my sibling had that taken away
Positive Attributes That May Result: affectionate, alert, appreciative, courageous, empathetic, generous, honest, honorable, humble, introverted, loyal, kind, merciful, nurturing, obedient, observant, patient, perceptive, persistent, private, protective, resourceful, responsible, spiritual, supportive, tolerant, unselfish
Negative Traits That May Result: confrontational, cowardly, humorless, inhibited, insecure, nervous, paranoid, promiscuous, reckless, self-destructive, subservient, suspicious, timid, uncommunicative, violent, volatile, withdrawn workaholic, worrywart
Resulting Fears:
- fear of trusting people
- fear of being responsible for others
- fear of letting others down
- fear of one’s children also being abused
- fear of misreading people and missing a threat
- fear of being left alone with people who make one uncomfortable or who intimidate
- fear of helplessness
- fear of secrets or fear that secrets are being kept from oneself
- fear of exploitation
- Fear of people who trigger reminders of the “type” of abuser
Possible Habits That May Emerge:
- subservience to one’s sibling to make up for a perceived past failing (the character will feel guilt, even if they were not in a position to help or didn’t know it was occurring
- anger and outbursts, even violence
- refusing to speak to those who one blames, even if they were unaware themselves of what happened
- a desire for revenge
- second guessing one’s decisions, especially when one is responsible for others
- Growing overprotective of loved ones
- Digging for secrets if one suspects they are there, seeing even the smallest one as toxic
- wanting to know where one’s loved ones are at all times
- placing oneself in risky situations that increase the likelihood one will be hurt out of a deep sense of guilt and believing one deserves it
- deep feeling of shame keeping one from being around one’s sibling
- self-harm, medicating with alcohol or drugs, or engaging is self-destructive behavior from guilt
TIP: If you need help understanding the impact of these factors, please read our introductory post on the Emotional Wound Thesaurus. For our current list of Emotional Wound Entries, go here.
For other Descriptive Thesaurus Collections, go here.
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