"Like stones, words are laborious and unforgiving, and the fitting of them together, like the fitting of stones, demands great patience and strength of purpose and particular skill." - Edmund Morrison
What's the current song on my play-list? Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding.
What's the current status of my writing? I'm writing this blog post. (Two entries within a week! I'm golden at this point!)
Sometimes, that's the best I've got to give. Other times, I'm a very good girl, and don't quit for the day until I've put down 3000 words into a current WIP. Those days, as of late, have been a distant memory.
Mr. Morrison had it so right... writing is freakin' hard work. And, sometimes, you need a swift kick-in-the butt, to keep on keeping on.
So, I've decided to get my little duckies in a row, re-organize my life to include writing again, and pick back up with a mentor to help me stay focused and keep on track with my current writing endeavors. When I go at it alone, I find that I allow the arduousness of it all (work, family, home-making, AND writing) to tire and discourage me.
I was so much better at being faithful and consistent when I was writing full-time. When I was afforded the luxury of giving myself wholeheartedly to it, I lived, breathed, and ate the art of writing. And, it was the most wonderful time of my life. However, times and circumstances changed, and with that, so did my writing disciplines.
When I had to return to working full-time, out of the home, I slowly began to wane in reaching my goals. And, as the last four or five years have gone by, I've lost my conviction in my writing from completing a manuscript every 6-8 months to simply posting, occasionally, on my blog.
But, if I learned anything from this experience, it's been that I can't have what I'm not willing to work for. Really, honestly, work hard for.
As it is with anything in life, if we want something bad enough, it takes sacrifice of time, energy, resources... bits and pieces of ourselves... to make something that reflects who we are and what it is that we want to accomplish for ourselves. If something is going to speak for me, I want it to speak volumes. I don't want to put forth a half-hearted effort, and have that reflect on who I am as a writer and artist.
Maybe that's why I didn't do very much, until recently. I think I was frightened that the best of myself would be compromised by my lack of time and energy to really put forth my full effort. Or, maybe it was simply a cop-out. Either way, I found myself another year older, and drifting precariously farther away from who I had been and identified with for so long.
I guess, if I'm to be transparent and authentic in this, I'll confess... I became lazy, as well. If it didn't come easy, I couldn't do it anymore. The effort became too great. But, I lost sight of the rewards that would be to come if I had continued to pursue and reach for the elusive brass ring.
It was easy to say that I was too busy to sit and write, and that was true to an extent. But, I have the same 24 hours in the day that everyone else who has accomplished their goals have. I'm not the only woman who works full-time, and has a hubby and kids, and housework, and friends, and family, and other interests and obligations that vie for her time and attention.
In the midst of all of this navel-gazing, what I have found that I really don't have time for anymore is excuses.
Now, I just have to learn how to make this work.
It will come, though... with great patience and strength of purpose and particular skill.
xoxo,
CJ
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