True story:
My very first full-time job after college was working for this woman who yelled a lot. She would be in her office, sitting at her desk, and instead of coming to get me, she would yell.
"Lisa, did you do that PAF I asked you to do? I can't find it."
"Lisa, where is that posting listed? Is it in the spot it's supposed to be in?"
And so it would go.
And the way she asked the questions made me feel like I was on the defensive *all* the time.
In case you've never worked for someone like that, let me tell you, it isn't very fun.
Now, some people probably have no problem with this style. They simply accept that's how she is, and it doesn't bother them.
Remember, this was my first "real" job. I was a 22-year-old college graduate, and I hadn't been around long enough to not take it personally.
It felt personal.
The more time that went by, the more it got to me. I didn't like being yelled at all the time. Even when I walked into her office, she'd fire questions at me. "Did you... " Why did you..." "How come..." And her voice was harsh as she asked. I constantly felt like a child who had done something wrong and needed to figure out how to get myself out of trouble.
I finally called the Employee Assistance Program and made an appointment with a counselor to try and get some help with how to deal with it. You can guess what happened. "You have to tell her how you feel."
Are you kidding me?
I'm pretty sure it was one of the scariest moments of my life, walking into that lady's office, asking if I could talk to her for a few minutes, shutting the door, and telling her how her yelling made me feel.
Do you know what she told me? She had no idea she'd been doing that. She had no idea I felt like she didn't like my work all the time. She had no idea she made me feel that way.
I can't say things got better, really. I think maybe she tried, for a little while, but she was the way she was and I was the way I was - more sensitive than most, probably
And so it is with authors. Some authors are more sensitive than others. Some authors are able to let things roll off their backs while others take it all in and it becomes a part of them. And so, here is where problems can happen between reviewers and authors.
I think everyone can agree - reviews are not for authors. But I don't know that it's realistic to simply tell authors, stay away from reviews, because everyone is different. Some really want to read them and to learn from them.
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