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When I’m frustrated, it’s usually a sign that I’m trying to control something I can’t control. This can be a person or a situation or an event. The process can churn your mind into mush until you can’t think.

On the other hand, making a 180-degree switch and focusing on the things I can control (self-control) is the fastest way out of frustration. This concept certainly applies to your writing life.

Words of Wisdom

Remember the Serenity Prayer? It goes like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

How about reducing frustration with your writing life by applying that wisdom to your career? Here are some things to accept that you cannot change:

• How long it takes to get a response from editors and agents
• Rejections
• Editors moving before buying the manuscript they asked to see
• Size of print runs
• Reviews
• Publisher’s budget for your book’s publicity and promotion

Trying to change anything on the above list is a sure-fire route to frustration and wanting to quit.

However, do you have courage to change the things you can? Here are some:

• Giving yourself positive feedback and affirmations
• Reading positive books on the writing life
• Studying writing craft books
• Writing more hours
• Reading more books in the genre where you want to publish
• Attending local, state, regional and national conferences you can afford
• Joining or forming a critique group

Wisdom to Know the Difference

If you’re battling frustration and discouragement with the writing life, chances are good that you’re trying to control something beyond your control. It will make you crazy! The fastest way back to sanity is to concentrate on what you can control about the writing life.

Choose anything from that second list–or share an additional idea in the comments below–and get on with becoming a better writer. In the end, that’s all you can do–and it will be enough.

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More than one person emailed the question: “How can I know I’m a real writer?” or “How can you know if you’re ‘called’ to be a writer?”

Since I have seven bookcases of writing books, it wasn’t hard to find a lot of opinions from published writers. Most of them gave lists of character qualities you needed to be named a “real writer.” Among the traits listed (desire, discipline, patience, willingness to learn, etc.) was something I hadn’t thought of. But this one trait could be a deciding factor.

What Is It?

It’s called having a “long-term view.” Don’t think: “Do I have a book inside me?” Think instead: “Do I have a writer inside me?” Sometimes it’s hard to tell! We certainly can’t rely on our feelings to tell us, since they fluctuate so much from day to day.

What would a “writer inside” look like? I don’t know for sure. Some agree with the writer George Bernau: “I decided that I would continue to write as long as I lived, even if I never sold one thing, because that was what I wanted out of my life.”

I can agree with that, I think. Even if I never sold another thing, I believe I would continue to write: newsletters, journals, some stories, some articles, things for my family. I might not keep trying to write “for the markets,” but I don’t think I could stop writing in some form or another, even if I tried.

Stick-To-It-Iveness

Others would agree with Harlan Ellison that the “long-term view” is more a mind-set, something you can choose instead of something that has chosen you. He said, after reading a book he didn’t like, that “If someone who writes that badly can become a writer, then even the dippiest of us can become a writer, baboons can become writers, sludge and amoeba can become writers. The trick is not in becoming a writer, it is in staying a writer. Day after week after month after year. Staying in there for the long haul.”

So the answer to the question of “Am I a REAL Writer?” seems to be that you are–if you don’t quit. You are if you stay in the writing game for the long haul.

What a Real Writer Isn’t

When I was searching for the answer to that question, I looked in several books. None of the well known authors said REAL writers sell books or REAL writers win awards or REAL writers make a lot of money or REAL writers have agents.

No. The consensus of opinion was this: Writers write–and keep on writing. You’ll know you’re a REAL writer if that’s what you do.

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I was reading the new Writer Magazine yesterday, and the article about best-selling (as in over 15 million copies) Meg Cabot caught my eye. She said you need to block out what you read about “overnight successes” in the publishing business.

She points to her own experience with rejection, and I challenge you to read this without fainting:

• It took her three years of sending out query letters every day to land an agent.
• Before publishing she got a rejection letter every day in the mail for four years–over 1,000 rejections.

And she didn’t quit! She went on to write over 50 books for juveniles, teens and adults. Her Princess Diaries series became the basis of two hit Disney films.

Slightly Embarrassed

Reading about Meg Cabot’s stick-to-it-iveness made me rather embarrassed for all the times I’ve (1) moaned and groaned about a couple of rejections, and (2) given up on a manuscript after fewer than five rejections. I have four novels in my closet right now that I gave up on after just a few rejections.

This next week I will be dusting them off, re-reading them for possible revisions, and sending them out again.

Rejection Stamina

How about you? What is your “rejection stamina”? Are you another Meg Cabot? I hope so! Look how her stamina has served her well.

If you’re brave, share how many rejections you receive before giving up on a piece. Also, what’s your best tip for getting a manuscript back in the mail ASAP?

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Scaredy Squirrel At The Beach. Melanie Watt. 2008. Kids Can Press. 32 pages.

Scaredy Squirrel never goes to the beach. He'd rather vacation at home alone where it's safe than risk being surrounded by the wrong crowd.

To avoid encountering the wrong kinds of crowds, Scaredy Squirrel plans on making his own private beach, right at the bottom of his nice happy nut tree. True, kitty litter doesn't have quite the same feel as sand. But still, a few sacrifices must be made for safety, right? But there is one thing his beach needs--really needs to be complete. Seashells. What's a squirrel to do? This one heads off to the real beach to get a few. To bring home. What will he learn along the way?

This one is funny and cute. I definitely liked it!

© Becky Laney of Young Readers

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Scaredy Squirrel. Melanie Watt. 2008. Kids Can Press. 42 pages.

Scaredy Squirrel never leaves his nut tree. He'd rather stay in his safe and familiar tree than risk venturing out into the unknown. The unknown can be a scary place for a squirrel.

I really liked this picture book. I liked Scaredy Squirrel a lot. I could relate to him in some ways. Because the unknown can be a bit scary. Readers may not share Scaredy Squirrels exact fears--green Martians, killer bees, tarantulas, poison ivy, germs, and sharks--but chances are they can relate to fearing something. Scaredy Squirrel is thrust into an adventure and forced into facing the unknown. And he learns that sometimes fears are just silly, and that life is meant to be enjoyed, to be lived. Out of the nut tree.

© Becky Laney of Young Readers

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According to the National Science Foundation, the average person has about 12,000 thoughts per day, or 4.4 million thoughts per year.

I wager that writers are well above the average because we read more and writing causes us to think more than the average.

Who’s In Charge?

I had known for a long time that our thoughts affect our emotions, and that toxic “stinking thinking” could derail our writing dreams and health faster than almost anything. You are the only one who can decide whether to reject or accept a thought, which thoughts to dwell on, and which thoughts will become actions.

But sometimes–a lot of the time–I felt powerless to actually do anything about it on a consistent basis. Sometimes I simply felt unfocused and overwhelmed.

Need a Brain Detox?

I’ve been reading a “scientific brain studies” book for non-science types like me called Who Switched Off My Brain? by Dr. Caroline Leaf Ph.D. which has fascinated me. With scientific studies to back it up, it shows that thoughts are measurable and actually occupy mental “real estate.” Thoughts are active; they grow and change, influencing every decision we make and physical reaction we have.

“Every time you have a thought, it is actively changing your brain and your body–for better or for worse.” The author talks about the “Dirty Dozen”–which can be as harmful as poison in our minds and our bodies.

Killing Our Creativity

Among this dozen deadly areas of toxic thinking are toxic emotions, toxic words, toxic seriousness, toxic health, and toxic schedules.

If you want to delve into the 350+ scientific references and pages of end notes in the back of the book, you can look up the studies. But basically it targets the twelve toxic areas of our lives that produce 80% of the physical, emotional and mental health issues today. And trust me. Those issues have a great deal to do with you achieving your goals and dreams.

There Is Hope!

According to Dr. Leaf, scientists no longer believe that the brain is hardwired from birth with a fixed destiny to wear out with age, a fate predetermined by our genes. Instead there is scientific proof now for what the Bible has always taught: you can renew your minds and heal. Your brain really can change!

Old brain patterns can be altered, and new patterns can be implemented. In the coming days, I’ll share some more about the author’s ”Brain Sweep” five-step strategy for detoxing your thoughts associated with the “dirty dozen.”

But right now I’m going to read about the symptoms of a toxic schedule. I have a suspicion…

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“Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

I’ve been reading James Scott Bell’s excellent book The Art of War for Writers (all five-star reviews on Amazon.com), and he says that “the biggest mental obstacle–in writing, in war, in life itself–is fear.” I would agree 100%.

How do we fear writing?

Let me count the ways… Bell mentions several kinds of fear that plague writers. Do you find yourself in this list? Do you have additional fears?

Fear of:

• not being good enough
• not getting published
• getting published but not selling
• getting published once but never again
• getting stomped by critics
• getting stomped by family members
• wasting your time

The Quality of Fearlessness

Bell wrote about the young Teddy Roosevelt who was a sick, frail, fearful child–and what changed him into the fearless leader of history. Basically, he learned the old adage of “fake it till you make it” or “act as if.” Bell says that fearful writers become fearless writers in the same way.

Sure, you will set goals and get prepared and (if you’re like me) pray for help, but in the end you will need to act as if you’re a successful, fearless writer until (over time) your feelings catch up with your behavior and you actually become one.

Start Today

When fear in some form hits you today, what immediate action step could you take in the face of that fear? How would a professional, successful writer deal with that fear? What is one way you can channel that fear into energy for your writing?

Be fearless today and, as battle buddies, share one tip you’ve used successfully to win the war on the many fears of writing.

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Look, Lenore. 2009. Alvin Ho: Allergic to Camping, Hiking, and Other Natural Disasters. With illustrations by LeUyen Pham. Random House. 170 pages.

You will know some things about me if you have read a book called Alvin Ho: Allergic to Girls, School, and Other Scary Things. But you won't know all about me, so that is why there is now this second book.

As I mentioned in my review of Alvin Ho, Allergic to Girls, Schools and Other Scary Things, I just love, love, love Alvin Ho. (So much so that I'm urging my mom to read them!) Did I love this second book as much as the first book? Yes! I loved it just as much if not more. I don't know that I could *really* choose between the two books. I just love Alvin so much--can relate to Alvin so much--can feel what he feels, see the world as he sees it, that the books just feel oh-so-right to me. What's this one about? Well, it's about a father-and-son camping trip. A trip that gets interrupted by little Anibelly. A trip that doesn't go exactly as planned. But a funny, unforgettable trip all the same!

As you might have guessed, Alvin doesn't exactly want to go camping. Not even with his dad who is his best friend on account of him saving Alvin's life "seven hundred and fourteen times eight" and "mostly in the nick of time." One particular moment stands out to me in this one--that just me all warm and cozy inside--this is when Alvin makes his will the night before going camping. (He's not sure he'll return.)

My Last Will and Testament

I, Alvin, being of scaredy mind and scaredier body, hereby leave to my brother, Calvin, the following:

my old toothbrush (I'm taking my new one with me)
my silver dollar
my Houdini kit
all my socks under my bed.

And to my sister, Anibelly, I leave:
my carved sticks collection
one piece of sea glass
my Firecracker Man outfit, maybe

To My dog, Lucy, I leave my tennis balls

To my dad I leave my baseball glove, maybe.

And to my mom, I leave all my love. (89, 91)

The book is charming and funny and cute and sweet. It's never too cute or too sweet. I don't want to give the impression that it is oh-so-darling or anything. It's a funny book, a book that I think boys and girls would enjoy reading. (I think it would make a GREAT read aloud.)

© Becky Laney of Young Readers

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Look, Lenore. 2008. Alvin Ho: Allergic to Girls, School, and Other Scary Things. With illustrations by LeUyen Pham. Random House. 172 pages.

The first thing you should know about me is that my name is Alvin Ho.
I am afraid of many things.
Elevators.
Tunnels.
Bridges.
Airplanes.
Thunder.
Substitute teachers.
Kimchi.
Wasabi.
The dark.
Heights.
Scary movies.
Scary dreams.
Shots.
School.
If there were no school, my troubles would blast away, just like that. I would dig holes all day. I would play catch with my gunggung. I would watch cooking shows. I would keep an eye on things. It would be fantastic.
The second thing you should know about me is that even though I am afraid of many things, I am not afraid of anything that explodes. I love explosions.

If that doesn't make you want to read Alvin Ho, I don't know what will. How much did I love Alvin? I didn't just love him. I love, love, loved him! I think we're kindred spirits and everything. But there's one little problem. Alvin doesn't like girls. At all. And he wouldn't want a girl like me for a friend. Even if we do have oh-so-much in common. I loved everything about Alvin as I said. He is the middle child. He has an older brother, Calvin, and a little sister, Anibelly. (I also love them.) He has two great parents as well. I especially loved the Dad and his Shakespearean insults. (A trait that Alvin definitely picks up!)

What makes this book so wonderful besides the characters themselves? The narration, the style! I think Look has captured how children think and talk and act. It felt right to me. Just right. There is much to smile over in this one. It's a satisfying read with plenty of humor and heart.

I also love the illustrations by LeUyen Pham. I must admit I'm a big fan of her work. So they were just right for this one. And they added just that much more to the book. (Much like the original illustrations for Ramona made me love her all that much more!)

So I would definitely recommend this one! Alvin Ho is getting ready for second grade, so I'd imagine this would be a perfect read aloud for first graders and second graders.

© Becky Laney of Young Readers

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Yesterday on a long Skype call, I talked with a writer friend about what fuels our writing. For me, my favorite books (both in terms of the writing and how well they did after publication) were fueled by some kind of pain or wound. Something difficult that I was going through would spark an idea for a book, and the drive to solve the problem provided the passion and energy to see the story through to completion.

Energy from hurts and wounds and pain can be very useful to you as a writer. But, if you’re just wounded, does that automatically translate into books others will want to read? No. As Bill O’Hanlon says in Write is a Verb, “in order to have your wound fuel your writing process, the hurt or negative energy needs to be turned into creative energy, informing or driving your writing. It’s not enough to be wounded; you must find a way to turn that wound into energy for your writing.”

Pain = Energy for Writing

He quoted many authors (some quite famous) who had tragedies befall them, but they took the pain and turned around to write some of the most gripping books of our time on the very subject that nearly destroyed them. It doesn’t have to be a wound the size of the Grand Canyon either (a child being kidnapped, losing your home in a hurricane, both parents dying from cancer the same month). It isn’t the size of the wound–it’s what you do with it that counts.

Just Let It All Hang Out?

In order for your pain to be useful to you as a writer, you’ll need to step back a bit and distance yourself from it. Otherwise you won’t be able to see the story possibilities in it. You’ll be too hung up on the facts. (”But it really HAPPENED this way!” you protest.) Yes, but facts need to be shaped a lot if you’re going to create a story or article or book from those facts. (The truth of your experience can shine through, despite changing some facts.)

Facts will need to change in order to create well-rounded characters, and the plot still needs a beginning, middle, climax and ending. Things will be added–and subtracted–from your experience to make a better story. If you can’t do that, you’re probably still too wounded to turn the experience into a viable story.

“Make no mistake. I have seen screeds full of anger, self-pity, or hate that I think will never (and should never) be published,” says O’Hanlon. “They are simply expressions of the author’s pain, more like a journal entry than a book. They are self-indulgent and should be kept private… In order to turn that pain and anger into a book, the writing needs to somehow turn the personal into the universal.” In other words, the book needs to speak to other readers in a way that helps or nourishes them.

Identify Your Writing Energy

How can you tell if your pain and wounds might be energy for your writing? Here are four questions to ask yourself, suggested by the author. They can pinpoint sources of writing energy in your life just waiting to be tapped into.

• What do you care about so deeply or get so excited about that you talk about it to anyone who will listen?
• What upsets you so much that you are compelled to write about it or include the theme in your book?
• What are you afraid to write but know is a deep truth?
• Who are you afraid will disapprove of your writing or be upset by it?
• What fears could you write and perhaps work through by writing?

Take some time this weekend with those questions and a journal. Or write them on a card and take a long walk while you think about the answers. You may not be as blocked or depressed as you fear. You may simply be sitting over a deep pool of writing energy that’s just waiting for you.

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Watt, Melanie. 2009. Scaredy Squirrel at Night. Kids Can Press.

Would you let your fears keep you up at night? That's just what Scaredy Squirrel does. He's afraid to go to sleep. Afraid to dream. But it's not easy not sleeping. He has to think of ways to stay awake. And the lack of sleep is effecting his life. (In fact, if this goes on, he might have had to change his name to Cranky.) One day Scaredy Squirrel reads his horoscope. It reads that all his dreams will come true at midnight. What's a squirrel to do? Come up with a game plan and fast! What's his plan? Wouldn't you like to know?! Read and see for yourself if this Scaredy Squirrel can conquer his fears once and for all and have a peaceful night's sleep!

I loved this one. Definitely recommended. Makes for a fun read aloud.

© Becky Laney of Young Readers

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In my book, Lilly P Badilly is afraid of thunder, darkness, elevators and millipede-chomping spiders. In real life, I am finding that the kids I speak to, when I visit schools, are most afraid of thunder, darkness, monsters, spiders and snakes - in that order. I tell them that it is perfectly normal to be afraid of different things. But if they use their brain power to learn about whatever it is they are afraid of, they may not be as afraid of it any more. What I mean is, read about what thunder really is, and when you understand that, you will feel better. I also suggest they speak to an adult about their fears, because it will make them feel better.

Kids need to know that adults have fears too. But I would not give them too many details or you may create a new fear for them. I myself got stuck in an elevator during an office building fire in 1989 at night. Naturally the elevator stopped between 2 floors when the alarm went off. It was just my luck that I got stuck in there, knowing there were few people left in the entire building to help me. I had to pry open the doors and climb up and out in a dress and then run down 5 fights of stairs. Luckily for me that fire was contained and did not spread. However, I did not know that when I was stuck by myself, listening to a blasting fire alarm while smelling smoke.

When my Grandma Nellie was alive, I used to push her wheelchair to the elevator in her building put her in the elevator, press the button for her and then run out of the elevator, down the stairs and meet her outside of the elevator. I just could not go in there without hyperventilating. What a terrible granddaughter I was! (I’ve made up for that now by writing about her in my book.) Yet, Granny understood and did not mind. She’d say, “Well, if I get stuck at least you’ll be out there helping me get outa here.” I am so glad Granny understood. I have tried to take my own advice and research elevator fears to feel better. But years ago my husband could not wait to tell me (See how husbands punish their wives after many years of marriage?) that a man’s head got cut off by elevator doors, and a woman was standing inside the elevator when it happened.  She had to ride with his head for 5 stories and wait in there until someone could get her out. Unfortunately this is a true story. And there are others.

To this day, I walk or run up and down stairs whenever possible to avoid elevators. I will NOT get in to any elevators that are in parking garages. They are hot, poorly ventilated, small and slow, and I panic.

My apologies if I made you afraid of elevators. But the good news is that walking up and down stairs is fabulous exercise.

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Yep, I got it.

The cure?

Hours of swimming, diving, gymnastics, beach volleyball, track and field, basketball, soccer. Heck! I even got engrossed in a badminton match! (Is that what it’s called? A match?)

I love the Olympics! Always have. Guess I come by it naturally since my dad was such a fan.

If the opening ceremonies are any indication, these Olympics should be among the best. I’ve heard many commentators say that they don’t expect to ever see another live display to equal what was witnessed last Friday night in Beijing. It was pretty darn good on TV, too!

The swimming competition has been phenomenal! I sure enjoyed the U.S. “crushing” the French swimmers in the 4 X 100 men’s relay! And, how about Cullen Jones!

(From the official Olympic website) When Jones was five years old, his parents took him to a water park. Before he went down a big slide on an inner tube, his dad made him promise not to let go of the tube, no matter what. When he got to the bottom, the tube flipped over, leaving him trapped underwater but clinging to the tube. Jones actually lost consciousness before his father spotted him and pulled him out of the water. Lifeguards performed CPR, and Jones coughed up a pint of water before taking his first breath. But Jones had no idea at the time that his life had been in danger -- he immediately asked his parents what the next ride was.

We should be so grateful that this talented swimmer didn’t develop a fear of water. A good lesson for us all. Too many times, we let fear paralyze us. One bad experience and it’s our excuse to avoid getting into a particular situation for the rest of our lives. Not Cullen Jones. He got right back on the horse...er, into the water!

Got me thinking that, just because my brother used to stuff me in a footstool and sit on the lid is no excuse to avoid elevators and closed spaces! Right? Right??

Sorry. Will finish this later. Gotta go open a window!

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I am a writer.

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Tomorrow, an estimated 20 to 67 million people will experience a fear so paralyzing, it may keep them from getting out of bed in the morning. They may refuse to travel, call in sick, or not complete business. They may experience anything from nervousness to panic attacks to even heart attacks. What is it that will cause such a large group of people to have such incapacitating experiences tomorrow? And what's so special about tomorrow, anyway?

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Squidoo.com has a great link about pen and ink resources for artists who use quill pens or rapidographs.

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I've been creating lots of illustrations, but can't post any yet, so I figured I'd post an old one. I'm yearning to do more pen and ink renderings of people and animals, children's illustrations rather than buildings. My favorite disposable rapidographs went out of stock....(Why does that always happen?) Maybe it's a good thing...it may force me to face my unreasonable fears of quill pens and return to them.

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