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Viewing: Blog Posts Tagged with: toxic behavior, Most Recent at Top [Help]
Results 1 - 5 of 5
1. Pitch It to Yourself!

pitchYou meet an editor or agent in an elevator or the banquet line. They turn to you and ask, “What’s your book about? Why are you the person to write it?”

Which One Is You?

Do you give a confident 30-second talk summarizing your book’s main points and why you’re the only one who could do the project justice?

OR

Do you say, “You know, that’s a good question. I’m a lousy writer! Who do I think I am anyway, masquerading as a writer? It’s a dumb book idea.”

Of course you don’t spout that second example!

And yet, many writers do that very thing to themselves every day. That evil little voice in your head or over your shoulder whispers, “That’s a stupid idea” or “That’s been done before–and a lot better” or “You’re never going to finish that story.” And like agreeable little twits, we nod and tell ourselves, “This is a dumb idea. I’m never going to finish this. This concept was done last year–and a whole lot better!”

Then, discouraged for another day, we head for the ice cream.

Pitch It to Yourself!

The name “elevator pitch” means a short speech you have ready for that opportune moment when you can market yourself or your book idea to someone that might buy it. Every day–even many times a day–you need to pitch your writing project and yourself TO YOURSELF.

How are you going to sell your story idea to yourself? What elevator pitch can you give to yourself when you’re surprised, not by an agent or editor in the elevator, but by your own nagging questions?

  • When “voice in the head” says, “This is just too hard!”
  • You say, “I have done many hard things in my life. I can do one more difficult thing.”
  •  
  • When “voice in the head” says, “There’s too much going on in your life for you to write now”
  • You say, “Writing is at the top of my To-Do list because it’s important!”
  •  
  • When “voice in the head” says, “Editors and agents scare me!”
  • You say, “Even when I feel anxious, I can act like a professional.”
  •  
  • When “voice in the head” says, “I can’t write because I can’t tolerate rejections”
  • You say, “NOT writing is the only rejection that matters. It’s a rejection of my dreams. I can write a little each day.”

Write Your Own Now

Take a few moments today and write at least three elevator pitches of your own, counter-acting the voice in your head. Write the pitches on cards and tape them to your computer. When the “voice” badgers you the next time, read one of your cards OUT LOUD. Several times.

And if you’re feeling very brave, add an elevator pitch in the comments section (up to three pitches) that you can begin pitching to yourself today!

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2. Finding Energy to Pursue Goals

tiredWe hear a lot about setting writing goals.  Do any of you have secret thoughts like these? Setting goals is great, but I don’t have the energy to pursue them or I’m already so exhausted that I can’t add one more thing to my life—even something I love.

Is that you? Then you’ve come to the right place.

Plug the Drains

Years ago I had a car that guzzled oil. I added a quart every Monday, but by Saturday the oil light was back on. It did no good to add oil without fixing the leak. The same holds true for your energy level. You can set goals, shore up your willpower, and grit your teeth, but you won’t have any more get-up-and-go until you plug your energy leaks.

We usually lose energy in two ways: enduring annoying or toxic behaviors in other people, and tolerating conduct in ourselves that is harmful (overeating, no exercise, over-due bills, or keeping a cluttered office.) One essential skill is learning how to set boundaries on yourself, such as: no sugar or caffeine before 5 p.m., bedtime by 10 p.m., straighten your desk when you quit work for the day, or pay bills the day they arrive.

You can also set and enforce boundaries with people who steal your energy. Limit your availability, for instance. If you have a cell phone, give the number only to those who really must have it. Your cell phone is to serve you—not the rest of the world. Other people can also drain us with their foul moods, irritating habits, and constant crises demanding our attention.

Learn to set boundaries in these situations; keep your energy inside (where it is useful) instead of spilling out on other people. Believe it or not, family members and friends can be expected to “fix” their own bad moods and self-created crises. (Memorize this: Lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part.) If you need help with this essential relationship skill, read Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Remember: the goal is to find more energy for your writing. You must plug the unnecessary energy drains first. Then you’ll be ready to recover your ability to function with ease.

Get in Shape

You’ll be tempted to skip this step, but I hope you won’t. It’s far more important than most writers realize. Just like you need to maintain your car (oil, spark plugs, belts, brakes) if you expect it to run smoothly, you need to maintain a healthy body if you expect to write in flow, enjoy your work, and be productive.

Are you health conscious? “I watch what I put into my body—no alcohol, drugs, caffeine,” says Sophy Burnham in For Writers Only. “I have become so sensitive to my body’s claims that now I actually often eat when hungry (imagine!), stop and lie down when tired. It has taken me years to learn to listen for those two simple demands, knowing that I write better when the machinery’s warmed up, oiled, clean.”

We all write better in that state. I encourage you to take a “health inventory” right now—and do whatever is necessary to turn you into a lean, clean writing machine.

Create Energy!

After you’ve plugged the leaks and kicked your health up a notch, it’s time to actually create energy instead of wasting it. If you have set (and enforced) boundaries on yourself and others, you’re no longer tied to energy-draining habits and situations. This should

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3. I Heard You!

giveA few weeks ago in “Find a Need and Fill It” I asked for your input concerning the topics you find most helpful in this blog.

Thank you all for the responses! It’s been very helpful. The requests fell into three main categories. Since I blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, that made it easy for me. From now on, this will be my general blogging schedule so that I can cover each topic area regularly.

What You Can Expect

Monday = Inner Motivation (includes:)

  • fears–all kinds!
  • discipline
  • focus
  • goals
  • rejection
  • lack of motivation
  • encouragement
  • a writer’s dream life
  • procrastination
  • working with our “inner editor”
  • enjoying writing more
  • perseverance
  • creative inspiration
  • writer’s block

Wednesday = Outer Challenges (includes:)

  • setting boundaries
  • time management
  • distractions
  • discipline
  • writing schedules
  • goal setting
  • balancing writing with chaos in life
  • balancing day jobs with writing
  • our writing needs (vs. “their” needs)
  • self-defeating behaviors

Friday = Tips ‘n’ Tricks of the Trade (includes:)

  • specific genre help
  • writing books I’ve found helpful
  • blogs I find useful
  • classes I’ve taken
  • voice (writer’s and character’s)
  • critique groups
  • conferences
  • working with publishers
  • marketing–all kinds
  • considering the audience when writing
  • dealing with publishers who don’t respond
  • finding good markets
  • developing depth in writing
  • selling “unique” pieces instead of jumping on the bandwagon

Thanks for Your Input

All your feedback has been immensely helpful in organizing future blog posts and making sure I cover topics you want to hear about and find useful. If I missed anything on these lists, feel free to let me know!

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4. The Serenity Prayer for Writers

tension7When I’m frustrated, it’s usually a sign that I’m trying to control something I can’t control. This can be a person or a situation or an event. The process can churn your mind into mush until you can’t think.

On the other hand, making a 180-degree switch and focusing on the things I can control (self-control) is the fastest way out of frustration. This concept certainly applies to your writing life.

Words of Wisdom

Remember the Serenity Prayer? It goes like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

How about reducing frustration with your writing life by applying that wisdom to your career? Here are some things to accept that you cannot change:

  • How long it takes to get a response from editors and agents
  • Rejections
  • Editors moving before buying the manuscript they asked to see
  • Size of print runs
  • Reviews
  • Publisher’s budget for your book’s publicity and promotion

Trying to change anything on the above list is a sure-fire route to frustration and wanting to quit.

However, do you have courage to change the things you can? Here are some:

  • Giving yourself positive feedback and affirmations
  • Reading positive books on the writing life
  • Studying writing craft books
  • Writing more hours
  • Reading more books in the genre where you want to publish
  • Attending local, state, regional and national conferences you can afford
  • Joining or forming a critique group

Wisdom to Know the Difference

If you’re battling frustration and discouragement with the writing life, chances are good that you’re trying to control something beyond your control. It will make you crazy! The fastest way back to sanity is to concentrate on what you can control about the writing life.

Choose anything from that second list–or share an additional idea in the comments below–and get on with becoming a better writer. In the end, that’s all you can do–and it will be enough.

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5. Friday: Fizzling or Fabulous Finish?

friday“One worthwhile task carried to a successful conclusion is worth half a hundred half-finished tasks.”

B. C. Forbes

The joy of writing is second only to the joy of finishing a writing project! When Friday afternoon rolls around, we automatically take a look at our week’s To Do list. What now is the status of various projects? (e.g. proposals, chapters, revisions, marketing, website updates, blogging, speeches to write)

Seeing projects crossed off as completed brings a pure rush of joy. It gives you a fabulous finish for the week.

Half-Baked Cakes

On the other hand, the fatigue of projects that weren’t completed or even moved forward much saps our writing energy. Whatever the reason (interruptions, illness, etc.) we didn’t finish them or accomplish the amount of writing we intended to. We may simply have never committed our energies to them in the first place. Dabbling won’t do it. Only committed hours of B.I.C. time (Bottom in Chair) will enable us to complete those projects.

Maybe, as you review your work week today, you’re not pleased with what got finished. [Trust me: I'm not!!] If not, commit to completing more projects and assignments next week. Don’t let unfinished work deplete your energy–because it will! Instead, turn that energy in a direction where it will do some good.

Use it to systematically tackle your work, write with speed and focus, and complete it. Fix your eyes on that fabulous finish line–and go for it!

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