Saturday was not a good mommy moment for me. Another #mommyfail to add to my long lists of #mommyfails.
So this past Saturday after my husband leaves for work (yes on a Saturday! But we wont get into that in this post) I decide to take kids for a donut run.
Donuts + kids = happy times. Right? WRONG! Donut + kids = Disaster waiting to happen.
Let me set it up for you (Insert great character tip: you must get the reader to sympathize with your Main Character so they care about the story and stick with them even when they do things the reader may not like)
Background/History
My kids have been out of camp for a couple weeks. After an exhausting week at LA, my dad had major surgery and my daughter was out of camp the same week. We had to get her ready for school and then my son was out all last week. Meanwhile, I am fighting a cold and my hubby was working long hours so there was no reprieve. Needless to say, I started to feel my kids were slowing picking away at my armor, my invisible force field. arguing, complaining, tired.
Mommy Offense #1 Lacking in necessary equipment
Now for the record, I do not have the latest model in Mommy Force Fields. I have a very old model that has been banged on, torn at, and picked at. So there are hairline cracks, yes it is my fault I have not upgraded to the newest and latest model.
Though I have seen some woman who have them and I envy the capabilities: The 24/7 smile feature, The nothing cracks me feature, the one that gives 100% patience guarantee, the one that can lasts for over 5000 meltdowns while doing a million chores.
The MFF 5000 (Mommy ForceField 5000).
No, I have the one that was on Clearance a few years ago b/c I could not afford a new one. The used model. The FF100.
You see where I am going.(do you sympathize with yet?)
Offense #2 - Giving 6 and 3 year old Choices they are not equipped to handle
I asked 2 innocent children the age old question that seems to cause controversy even in adults: Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme?
I have realized since this Episode that I give my kids waaaaaaaay to many choic
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By: Shelli,
on 8/17/2010
Blog: Faeriality (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Family, Humor, Mom, donuts, #mommyfail, Add a tag
By: Shelli,
on 5/9/2010
Blog: Faeriality (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: #mommysuccess, #mommyfail, Family, Mom, mothers day, Add a tag
I have never been someone who thought I would be great at being a mom. And since I've had kids, I'm sure other would say my #mommyfails are off the charts.
1) Patience of a Saint? #mommyfail! I have no patience. I'm the person who pops the toast early.
2) Craft Mom? #mommyfail! I am soooooooo not crafty. To me, using a crayon is an art. This includes sewing buttons, hemming, making American Girl clothes. Nuttin honey!
3) Kids are the center of my world? #mommyfail! Yes, I can be a bit self-centered. It's just now, it's with a kid. I go to story time at B&N so I can look at books in the kid section while my kids listen to other people read. I'm still working on it.
4) Mommy Speak? #mommyfail! I don't enjoy talking about my kids all day, every day. Really I don't. And, when I go out with my friends, I don't want to hear about their friends kids even more. I dont' want to compare nap schedules, poop routines, and discipline techniques from Supernanny.
5) Mommy and Me? #mommyfail! I do not attend these classes. One because on a grammar level - its just plain wrong. Two - I do not like to sing in large groups. Three, they lie - it is not just Mommy and me - its 20 other mommies and their 20 kids. I prefer to conduct my own classes at home. Cheaper and quieter. I heard once that the class should be changed to: "Scared Sh*tless women who have kids and are going out of their freaking' minds so they need to get out of the house before they go certifiably nuts" class. Wait, maybe that's too long for a brochure.
7) Mommy clothes? #mommyfail! I've never bought into mommy jeans, mommy hair cuts, and mommy stores. Excuse me but I don't want to LOOK like I haven't had sex in a couple months. Whether I have or not.
8) Hot mamma? #mommyfail! I'd like to think I've "still got it" and maybe to my husband I still do. But at for drinks, going to concerts, I realize the phrases like MILF and "hot mama," do not apply to me. Being a mommy is only sexy to us and our husbands. And that might only be b/c we take care of their kids so they pretend we're as hot as we used to be.
Now don't go calling DFAX.
I feed my kids. Even if it is from a microwave.
I pack their lunch. Even if it is a lunchable.
I read them books. Even if it is the same one every night.
I bathe them. Even if it is every OTHER night.
I sacrifice writing, sleep, and exercise to make sure they are happy. Even though I may grumble about it sometimes.
But I love my kids more than my life. I mean, I've given it up, haven't I? ;)
Besides, if any of you tried to harm them, I would personally gouge your heart out with my son's Elmo knife and serve it on my daughter's Dora plate.
See? I'm a good mommy.
Who says these things are all #mommyfails??
So #mommyfail or not.
I have realized I cannot let others tells me what a #mommysuccess looks like.
Except my kids :)
Oh my god I just got HIVES reading this.
Hahaha! Thanks for sharing--we've all been there. But I have learned from you dear master... I will now use the phrase "you may do nothing but eat and breathe" as often as needed. Maybe more.
:-)
Hugs,
R
Been there, done that!
It will be funny eventually ... but just not yet :)
We all have those bad days, but it's the build up of good karma on all the other days that count!!
**wiping tears from eyes, trying to laugh quietly while husband asleep on couch**
Oh Lordy, I am so glad my little poptart is all grown up.
Um...well, sometimes...
Oooh, I don't want to admit to understanding exactly how one could lose one's cool so quickly, so I'd better not say anything more;) Hope tomorrow is better!
I'm still laughing. I know bad. You were stressed out and feel bad about it. I've been there myself. I would love to say it gets easier as they get older, but that would be a lie. I have a 14 year old, 5 year old, and 6 month old. They all fight and drive me nuts. I have the same model you do . . . MMF100, however, I think I got mine at a garage sale after it had been owned by two previous owners. We all lose it and sometimes we lose it bad. The last time I lost it was after our 6 month old was born. I still remember my hubby calling me from work and asking if the kids were still alive. Man, did I feel awful after that comment.
Just know your kids will be fine and will look back on this memory as a learning experience as kids and when they are parents. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, but the funny thing is . . . no matter what our kids tend to think we are. At least sometimes. :)
Don't feel too bad! You do the best you can. And your kids know that-- even if they don't KNOW they know it yet.
Also, I don't mean to laugh at your troubles, but this is hilarious. Thanks for setting the scene. :-)
I.....can't.....breath!!!! Laughing.......too......hard!!!!! O...M...G!!!!! Picturing.....a.....donut....rolling.....down......the ....driveway!!!!
*breathing easier now*
Okay, I'm better now. What you did was actually a good thing! The kids need to see "THE BEAST" every now and again to be reminded of how far consequences actually might go.
*snickering* MAAHAAWAHHAA!!!!!!!
I can't stop laughing. Sorry! You have an hilarious way of recounting kid troubles. And, for the record, any mother who never lost it must be a robot.
I know this wasn't funny at the time it occurred, BUT we have all been sitting at out computers laughing WITH now.
Of course, the laughter came AFTER my hyperventilating, biting my nails, and tearing our my hair! Now that I've finished empathizing, I soooo need a donut, or 3 and I have no way to go get any!!!!
Big hugs to you...you're a wonderful mommy.
It has got to be the week before school blues!!! I feel your pain and as I sit here typing this laughing at your story my 5 year old is screaming "don't take my dvd player mommy," long story lol. This is my attempt to de-stress.
The American Girl store, oh you are a brave, brave, BRAVE woman. Scary and leave your pockets empty store crawling with girls in pink clutching their dolls. AHHHHH! I started making my own doll outfits. Oh yeah!
Hang in there Shelli and if you really want to make yourself feel better watch Supernanny, works every time ;)
Your story is so vivid and I laughed until the part where you lost it. Don't feel bad. They were too. And we all do sometimes.
I'm not a parent so I don't count, but I think every parent needs to scare the jelly filling out of their kid every now and then.
I really don't get how there are people who have six kids! This SO sounds like it was about my children... even the Kwispy Kweme part :)
Shelli,
Absolutely hilarious. I mean I know it wasn't funny for you, but I read it out loud to my husband and he laughed so hard he cried.
But seriously I've been there. Well not quite there, but I have lost control before so I get it.
Someday you and your children will laugh about this.
Don't let those perfect ones fool you. They break down just as often.
Hang in. Sleep helps.
It sounds like you had A LOT on your plate (not just donuts). And kids always transform into little monsters under stress. When my husband left for ten days for back surgery my son was taken over by another creature I'm pretty sure-like invasion of the body snatchers. And I didn't handle it so awesome either. Stress. Mothering. Hmmm. No one really has the perfect model, at least not 24-7 and behind closed doors.
I loved the integration of how-to-write-a-novel with you real-life experience.
Omg, this was awesome. And super real. Shelli, would you believe this post popped up on my google alert for "Donut Days"? Too funny!
That was stinking funny. I wish I could tell you that I can't relate, that I've had not one #FAIL mommy moment, but...that would be lying and mommy's can't do that right? Nope, we mislead in a donut store instead. Hah.
Hehehe, sorry about your day, but this recount of the story was brilliantly funny. We all lose it once in a while, don't worry. I thought it was nice that you apologized to your mom though, heehee!
Oh, I feel your pain. So been there. Love your point about choice being ba.a.a.d. Trying to remember that fact before proposing plans (with options) to my little ones. Saving choices for my angsty, YA protagonists who may be frustrating but never embarass me in Dunkin' Donuts! Hang in there :)
I feel your pain, but it made for a really great story. I enjoyed reading it. Takes me back ... glad the nest is empty and I can send the nieces & nephews home.
拒絕冒險和成長的人，終將被生命的潮流陶汰。..................................................
I think all moms have days like this (at least I certainly hope so!) and I'm glad you were willing to share yours. I feel better about the days my armour totally malfunctions, too. It'll be funny someday, right?
Okay, I know I should not be laughing at your pain, but good heavens, that's hilarious. I would have dumped said perps on hubbykins as soon as he got home and gone to get myself another doughnut.