SANTA SLIMS DOWN: a Christmas story of rebellion and compromise
By Eleanor Tylbor
My annual sharing of the play focusing on Santa's need to lose weight in order to fly on Christmas Eve.
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
SANTA CLAUS – the jolly, old elf himself who ate one too many cook
MRS. CLAUS – Santa's faithful wife, who is worried about Santa’s cholestrol
RUDOLPH AND THE REINDEER GANG
SCENE: SANTA'S WORKSHOP, TWO WEEKS BEFORE "THE" TRIP. SANTA IS CHECKING OVER HIS TOYS. THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR RUDOLPH, ACCOMPANIED BY DONNER AND BLITZEN BARGE IN
AT RISE: A MUCH MORE PLUMP THAN USUAL SANTA IS SITTING AT A TABLE FILLED WITH TOYS
SANTA
This is an expected surprise, boys. To what do I owe this visit?
RUDOLPH
(moving his antlers from side-to-side defiantly)
We're here to give you a message, Santa
RUDOLPH
It’s about food
SANTA
(eating one cookie after another)
Mmm - good. Love those chocolate chips. You want one of these cookies? Why didn’t you say so? Plenty enough to go ‘round
RUDOLPH
Santa, there's something we really gotta tell you…
DONNER
- it's real important-like…
BLITZEN
…major important
RUDOLPH
(Turns around and addresses DONNER and BLITZEN)
Is there an echo, here? Did you not make me, Rudolph, the spokes-deer? Maybe one of youse wants’ta take over?
DONNER
(staring down at his feet)
And…you do a great job, Rudy. Super job
BLITZEN
You our main reindeer, man!
RUDOLPH
I mean, if one of youse guys can say it better…
DONNER
No-no… You’re the best
RUDOLPH
So lemme do the job! Cheez – everyone wants'ta be a star… Now where was I? See Santa, we're worried!
DONNER AND BLITZEN
(together)
Real worried!
RUDOLPH
(whirling around)
Hello? D'ya mind?
SANTA nibbles on a cookie while watching a train run around a track
SANTA
Oh my-oh-my! I love watching the train speed around the track. Um… Worried? About what, boys? Now just look at this train go. The elves finished it this morning
RUDOLPH
How can I say this nicely -
DONNER AND BLITZEN
Just tell him! You gotta!
RUDOLPH
(whirling around)
One more word from either of youse…
DONNER/BLITZEN
Sor-ree! We're just trying to help…
RUDOLPH
Well don't! You elected me head of the North Pole Reindeer Union so lemme do the job!
SANTA
What’s this all about, boys? Could somebody tell me?
RUDOLPH
I'm tryin' Santa, I'm really tryin’ if only these two big mouths would let me
BLITZEN
We promise we won't say another word, See? We’re zipping our mouths closed
DONNER
Maybe one word - two at the most. Sorry…
RUDOLPH
It's about your - um - well… Your shape
SANTA
(laughing)
My shape? I’m Santa! I’m supposed to look this way
RUDOLPH
It's um - very round
SANTA
(laughing)
This is not news, Rudolph. Now if you'll excuse me…I’m very busy here…
RUDOLPH
Much more than usual, Santa. Much… much… more
SANTA
I’ve always looked like this. You know that!
RUDOLPH
It hurts me to h
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By: scriberess,
on 12/16/2011
Blog: A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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By: scriberess,
on 12/12/2007
Blog: A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Christmas play, family, Santa Claus, play, entertainment, children, Christmas, theatre, children's story, weight, entertainment, play, children's story, reindeers, reindeers, weight, Christmas play, Add a tag
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
SANTA CLAUS – the jolly, old elf himself who ate one too many cookies
MRS. CLAUS – Santa's faithful wife, who is worried about cholesterol
RUDOLPH AND THE REINDEER GANG
SCENE: SANTA'S WORKSHOP, TWO WEEKS BEFORE "THE" TRIP. SANTA IS CHECKING OVER HIS TOYS. THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR RUDOLPH, ACCOMPANIED BY DONNER AND BLITZEN BARGE IN
AT RISE: A MUCH MORE PLUMP SANTA IS SITTING AT A TABLE FILLED WITH TOYS
SANTA
This is an expected surprise, boys. To what do I owe this visit?
RUDOLPH
(moving his antlers from side-to-side defiantly)
We're here to give you a message, Santa
RUDOLPH
It’s about food
SANTA
(eating one cookie after the other)
You want one of these cookies? Why didn’t you say so? Plenty enough to go ‘round
RUDOLPH
Santa, there's something we really gotta tell you…
DONNER
- it's real important-like…
BLITZEN
…major important
RUDOLPH
(Turns around and addresses DONNER and BLITZEN)
Is there an echo, here? Did you not make me, Rudolph, the spokes-deer? Maybe one of youse wants’ta take over?
DONNER
And…you do a great job, Rudy. Super
BLITZEN
You our main reindeer, man!
RUDOLPH
I mean, if one of youse guys can say it better…
DONNER
No-no… You’re the best
RUDOLPH
So lemme do the job! Cheez – everyone wants'ta be a star… Now where was I? See Santa, we're worried!
DONNER AND BLITZEN
(together)
Real worried!
RUDOLPH
(whirling around)
Hello? D'ya mind?
SANTA nibbles on a cookie while watching a train run
around a track
SANTA
Oh my-oh-my! I love watching the train speed around the track. Um… Worried? About what, boys? Now just look at this train go. The elves finished it this morning
RUDOLPH
How can I say this nicely…
DONNER AND BLITZEN
Just tell him! You gotta!
RUDOLPH
(whirling around)
One more word from either of youse…
DONNER/BLITZEN
Sor-ree! We're just trying to help…
RUDOLPH
Well don't! You elected me head of the North Pole Reindeer Union so lemme do the job!
SANTA
What’s this all about, boys? Could somebody tell me?
RUDOLPH
I'm tryin' Santa, I'm really tryin’ if only these two big mouths would let me
BLITZEN
We promise we won't say another word, See? We’re zipping our mouths closed
DONNER
Maybe one word - two at the most. Sorry…
RUDOLPH
It's about your - um - well… Your shape
SANTA
(laughing)
My shape? I’m Santa! I’m supposed to look this way
RUDOLPH
It's um - very round
SANTA
(laughing)
This is not news, Rudolph. Now if you'll excuse me…I’m very busy here…
RUDOLPH
Much more than usual, Santa. Much… much… more
SANTA
I’ve always looked like this. You know that!
RUDOLPH
It hurts me to hav'ta tell you this but as the official spokes-deer and according to the rules in the signed hoof agreement, paragraph three, section 9, I’m here to say that unless you lose weight, we ain't leaving the Pole
DONNER
He's right. We can't pull a sleigh filled with toys AND you too
SANTA
But-but…I look the same as I’ve always looked.
(Santa rushes over to a mirror and examines himself)
Maybe I did put on a few extra pounds here and there… But you can't expect me to lose weight in such a short time
RUDOLPH
D’ya know how hard it is to fly through the air, dragin' a full sleigh of toys and and over-weight Santa?
OTHER REINDEER (PEERING IN AT WINDOW)
Hard..hard..very hard…
DONNER
It’s a big pain in the back for sure!
RUDOLPH
Did I ask for more opinions. Did I?
(The reindeer dart away from the window)
Like I was sayin’… You gotta do something 'bout it, boss, or we're stayin' Pole-side this Christmas!
SANTA
You - you can't do that! What will happen to all the children waiting for their gifts on Christmas Eve? I won't hear of it
RUDOLPH
Lissen boss, we gotta ‘tink of our health, too. Do I gotta remind you ‘bout last year and all the trouble gettin' the sleigh off the ground? We seen you hittin' the hot chocolate and cookies in the middle of the night when Mother Claus was asleep! One week Santa. You gots one week
(Santa stands in shock as the three reindeer file out shaking their heads )
SANTA
(calling out)
Mother Claus! We have a major problem!
(MRS. CLAUS comes running in to the room)
From now on they'll be no more hot chocolate or cookies for me. I have to lose weight!
MRS. CLAUS
Did you say something about cookies, dear? I have a new batch ready for eating
SANTA
Did you hear what I said, mother? The reindeer told me I'm too heavy for them to pull. Imagine! Me, Santa too heavy for my sleigh!
MRS. CLAUS
But dear, Santa Claus is supposed to be…you know - large-ish
SANTA
I just had a visit from three of the reindeer and they told me none of them will fly unless I can lose some weight!
MRS. CLAUS
But…it's only one week to Christmas Eve. Do you think you can do it?
SANTA
I gotta! I have too much to lose and it’s not only the weight I’m talking about
MRS. CLAUS
No more cookies, then…and I'll throw out the one's I just made…
SANTA
Maybe we're doing this too quick…a few cookies can't hurt
MRS. CLAUS
Now Santa – you have a responsibility to all the children around the world. Do you want to let them down?
SANTA
I'm just going outside to check on things
MRS. CLAUS
What are you hiding behind your back, Santa? Come on – hand them over
(SANTA hands over a handful of cookies)
Every time you get the urge for a cookie, think about the children!
SANTA
You're right, Mother. Do we still have that exer-cycle that the reindeer gave me as a gift, last year?
MRS. CLAUS
Of course! It's in the reindeer barn
SANTA
Get the elves to bring it here right away. There's no time like the present to start and just one week to go…I hope I can do it…I have to do it...
SCENE TWO
SCENE: SANTA is exercising on his exer-cycle in red long-johns
SANTA
Whew! This isn't easy. Mother - bring me the scale!
(MRS. CLAUS brings over a scale)
MRS. CLAUS
I hope you've lost some weight!
SANTA gets on the scale attempting to see the weight but
can't see over his belly
SANTA
So? What does it say?
MRS. CLAUS
You've lost one pound, dear. Have you been doing some secret snacking?
SANTA
No… Really… Well…maybe one or two once in a while. We better call in the reindeer I suppose
(RUDOLPH, DONNER AND BLITZEN enter)
RUDOLPH
Only one pound, Santa? One gift weighs more than that. Guess the boys and girls won't get their gifts this year, right guys?
DONNER AND BLITZEN
Still not enough.. Still not enough..
(The reindeer exit, shaking their heads sadly)
SANTA
What am I to do now? Just four more days… Maybe if I eat a cookie, I'll feel better..
MRS. CLAUS
Santa! This is how you got to be this way in the first place! Now back on the treadmill!
SCENE THREE
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. A VISIBLY SLIMMER SANTA CALLS IN THE REINDEER
SANTA
So boys? Whad’ya think? Will it do it?
RUDOLPH
You look like you dropped some weight. Whad'ya think boys?
BLITZEN
He looks leaner…I'll fly
SANTA
I lost six whole pounds!
DONNER
I'm ready to go. There's something we forgot to tell you. There are a few things we'd like to have in the future – you know - to prepare us for the long trip?
SANTA
Like what boys?
DONNER
We'd like a fancy meal before we leave. Grass and forest greens don't do it for us.
BLITZEN
We’d like…an all-dressed pizza!
SANTA
Now Blitzen, you know that's not the right type of food for a reindeer to maintain a healthy weight. No more late night bad food deliveries to the Pole. I need you guys all nice and slim, too, for future trip. Greens… Lots of Vitamin C…roughage…from now on, they'll be a daily exercise program at the North Pole, and I expect every reindeer to take part. And I have you all to thank for my change
DONNER
(aside to Rudolph, whistfully)
No more pizza deliveries…
SANTA
I know you boys will like the changes. No more junk food in the workshop! You helped me lose some extra pounds and I'm thankful for your help. A healthy Santa is important if I'm going to do the job properly. Now, let's go deliver some gifts to good girls and boys! C'mon boys – it's time!
(SANTA exits, accompanied by the reindeer)
We're leaving mother! Better have some cookies…I mean of course, veggies and fruit when we come back!
BLITZEN
Did anyone tell you that you have a big mouth, Rudolph?
DONNER
…a big one…very big…
(The reindeer exit)
SANTA'S VOICE – OFFSTAGE
‘Now Dancer, now Prancer, Comet.and .Blitzen –up, up in the air we go!’ Rudolph? Is that you I hear complaining? You’ll get used to it! A healthy deer is a happy deer!
RUDOLPH
Yeah…happy… I’m so happy…
MRS. CLAUS
Thank goodness everything turned out in the end. Merry Christmas, Santa! Merry Christmas reindeer! Merry Christmas, everyone!
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By: scriberess,
on 12/16/2011
Blog: A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: humor, Santa Claus, cookies, funny, Mrs. Claus, Christmas play, Santa's reindeer, Santa Slims Down, children's play, Add a tag
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By: scriberess,
on 12/12/2007
Blog: A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Christmas play, family, Santa Claus, play, entertainment, children, Christmas, theatre, children's story, weight, entertainment, play, children's story, reindeers, reindeers, weight, Christmas play, Add a tag
SANTA LOSES WEIGHT
By Eleanor Tylbor
A Christmas play and story for children and families
SANTA CLAUS – the jolly, old elf himself who ate one too many cookies
MRS. CLAUS – Santa's faithful wife, who is worried about cholesterol
RUDOLPH AND THE REINDEER GANG
SCENE: SANTA'S WORKSHOP, TWO WEEKS BEFORE "THE" TRIP. SANTA IS CHECKING OVER HIS TOYS. THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR RUDOLPH, ACCOMPANIED BY DONNER AND BLITZEN BARGE IN
AT RISE: A MUCH MORE PLUMP SANTA IS SITTING AT A TABLE FILLED WITH TOYS
SANTA
This is an expected surprise, boys. To what do I owe this visit?
RUDOLPH
(moving his antlers from side-to-side defiantly)
We're here to give you a message, Santa
RUDOLPH
It’s about food
SANTA
(eating one cookie after the other)
You want one of these cookies? Why didn’t you say so? Plenty enough to go ‘round
RUDOLPH
Santa, there's something we really gotta tell you…
DONNER
- it's real important-like…
BLITZEN
…major important
RUDOLPH
(Turns around and addresses DONNER and BLITZEN)
Is there an echo, here? Did you not make me, Rudolph, the spokes-deer? Maybe one of youse wants’ta take over?
DONNER
And…you do a great job, Rudy. Super
BLITZEN
You our main reindeer, man!
RUDOLPH
I mean, if one of youse guys can say it better…
DONNER
No-no… You’re the best
RUDOLPH
So lemme do the job! Cheez – everyone wants'ta be a star… Now where was I? See Santa, we're worried!
DONNER AND BLITZEN
(together)
Real worried!
RUDOLPH
(whirling around)
Hello? D'ya mind?
SANTA nibbles on a cookie while watching a train run
around a track
SANTA
Oh my-oh-my! I love watching the train speed around the track. Um… Worried? About what, boys? Now just look at this train go. The elves finished it this morning
RUDOLPH
How can I say this nicely…
DONNER AND BLITZEN
Just tell him! You gotta!
RUDOLPH
(whirling around)
One more word from either of youse…
DONNER/BLITZEN
Sor-ree! We're just trying to help…
RUDOLPH
Well don't! You elected me head of the North Pole Reindeer Union so lemme do the job!
SANTA
What’s this all about, boys? Could somebody tell me?
RUDOLPH
I'm tryin' Santa, I'm really tryin’ if only these two big mouths would let me
BLITZEN
We promise we won't say another word, See? We’re zipping our mouths closed
DONNER
Maybe one word - two at the most. Sorry…
RUDOLPH
It's about your - um - well… Your shape
SANTA
(laughing)
My shape? I’m Santa! I’m supposed to look this way
RUDOLPH
It's um - very round
SANTA
(laughing)
This is not news, Rudolph. Now if you'll excuse me…I’m very busy here…
RUDOLPH
Much more than usual, Santa. Much… much… more
SANTA
I’ve always looked like this. You know that!
RUDOLPH
It hurts me to hav'ta tell you this but as the official spokes-deer and according to the rules in the signed hoof agreement, paragraph three, section 9, I’m here to say that unless you lose weight, we ain't leaving the Pole
DONNER
He's right. We can't pull a sleigh filled with toys AND you too
SANTA
But-but…I look the same as I’ve always looked.
(Santa rushes over to a mirror and examines himself)
Maybe I did put on a few extra pounds here and there… But you can't expect me to lose weight in such a short time
RUDOLPH
D’ya know how hard it is to fly through the air, dragin' a full sleigh of toys and and over-weight Santa?
OTHER REINDEER (PEERING IN AT WINDOW)
Hard..hard..very hard…
DONNER
It’s a big pain in the back for sure!
RUDOLPH
Did I ask for more opinions. Did I?
(The reindeer dart away from the window)
Like I was sayin’… You gotta do something 'bout it, boss, or we're stayin' Pole-side this Christmas!
SANTA
You - you can't do that! What will happen to all the children waiting for their gifts on Christmas Eve? I won't hear of it
RUDOLPH
Lissen boss, we gotta ‘tink of our health, too. Do I gotta remind you ‘bout last year and all the trouble gettin' the sleigh off the ground? We seen you hittin' the hot chocolate and cookies in the middle of the night when Mother Claus was asleep! One week Santa. You gots one week
(Santa stands in shock as the three reindeer file out shaking their heads )
SANTA
(calling out)
Mother Claus! We have a major problem!
(MRS. CLAUS comes running in to the room)
From now on they'll be no more hot chocolate or cookies for me. I have to lose weight!
MRS. CLAUS
Did you say something about cookies, dear? I have a new batch ready for eating
SANTA
Did you hear what I said, mother? The reindeer told me I'm too heavy for them to pull. Imagine! Me, Santa too heavy for my sleigh!
MRS. CLAUS
But dear, Santa Claus is supposed to be…you know - large-ish
SANTA
I just had a visit from three of the reindeer and they told me none of them will fly unless I can lose some weight!
MRS. CLAUS
But…it's only one week to Christmas Eve. Do you think you can do it?
SANTA
I gotta! I have too much to lose and it’s not only the weight I’m talking about
MRS. CLAUS
No more cookies, then…and I'll throw out the one's I just made…
SANTA
Maybe we're doing this too quick…a few cookies can't hurt
MRS. CLAUS
Now Santa – you have a responsibility to all the children around the world. Do you want to let them down?
SANTA
I'm just going outside to check on things
MRS. CLAUS
What are you hiding behind your back, Santa? Come on – hand them over
(SANTA hands over a handful of cookies)
Every time you get the urge for a cookie, think about the children!
SANTA
You're right, Mother. Do we still have that exer-cycle that the reindeer gave me as a gift, last year?
MRS. CLAUS
Of course! It's in the reindeer barn
SANTA
Get the elves to bring it here right away. There's no time like the present to start and just one week to go…I hope I can do it…I have to do it...
SCENE TWO
SCENE: SANTA is exercising on his exer-cycle in red long-johns
SANTA
Whew! This isn't easy. Mother - bring me the scale!
(MRS. CLAUS brings over a scale)
MRS. CLAUS
I hope you've lost some weight!
SANTA gets on the scale attempting to see the weight but
can't see over his belly
SANTA
So? What does it say?
MRS. CLAUS
You've lost one pound, dear. Have you been doing some secret snacking?
SANTA
No… Really… Well…maybe one or two once in a while. We better call in the reindeer I suppose
(RUDOLPH, DONNER AND BLITZEN enter)
RUDOLPH
Only one pound, Santa? One gift weighs more than that. Guess the boys and girls won't get their gifts this year, right guys?
DONNER AND BLITZEN
Still not enough.. Still not enough..
(The reindeer exit, shaking their heads sadly)
SANTA
What am I to do now? Just four more days… Maybe if I eat a cookie, I'll feel better..
MRS. CLAUS
Santa! This is how you got to be this way in the first place! Now back on the treadmill!
SANTA
You're right! Children everywhere are depending on me. A happy Santa is a healthy Santa!
(SANTA gets back on the exer-cycle)
(SANTA gets back on the exer-cycle)
SCENE THREE
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. A VISIBLY SLIMMER SANTA CALLS IN THE REINDEER
SANTA
So boys? Whad’ya think? Will it do it?
RUDOLPH
You look like you dropped some weight. Whad'ya think boys?
BLITZEN
He looks leaner…I'll fly
SANTA
I lost six whole pounds!
DONNER
I'm ready to go. There's something we forgot to tell you. There are a few things we'd like to have in the future – you know - to prepare us for the long trip?
SANTA
Like what boys?
DONNER
We'd like a fancy meal before we leave. Grass and forest greens don't do it for us.
BLITZEN
We’d like…an all-dressed pizza!
SANTA
Now Blitzen, you know that's not the right type of food for a reindeer to maintain a healthy weight. No more late night bad food deliveries to the Pole. I need you guys all nice and slim, too, for future trip. Greens… Lots of Vitamin C…roughage…from now on, they'll be a daily exercise program at the North Pole, and I expect every reindeer to take part. And I have you all to thank for my change
DONNER
(aside to Rudolph, whistfully)
No more pizza deliveries…
SANTA
I know you boys will like the changes. No more junk food in the workshop! You helped me lose some extra pounds and I'm thankful for your help. A healthy Santa is important if I'm going to do the job properly. Now, let's go deliver some gifts to good girls and boys! C'mon boys – it's time!
(SANTA exits, accompanied by the reindeer)
We're leaving mother! Better have some cookies…I mean of course, veggies and fruit when we come back!
BLITZEN
Did anyone tell you that you have a big mouth, Rudolph?
DONNER
…a big one…very big…
(The reindeer exit)
SANTA'S VOICE – OFFSTAGE
‘Now Dancer, now Prancer, Comet.and .Blitzen –up, up in the air we go!’ Rudolph? Is that you I hear complaining? You’ll get used to it! A healthy deer is a happy deer!
RUDOLPH
Yeah…happy… I’m so happy…
MRS. CLAUS
Thank goodness everything turned out in the end. Merry Christmas, Santa! Merry Christmas reindeer! Merry Christmas, everyone!
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OK you guys, listen up here. Who in the name of tossed tinsel does Rudolph R.N. Reindeer think he is.
This upstart has been around only since 1939. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen et al since the 1830s from Clement Moore's poem.
Rudy, was created by a Robert May, a copywriter for Chicago's Montgomery Ward Store, as a coloring-in book for children - remember it was depression time and money was scarce.
The popular song depicting Rudolph and his nose helping out Santa was recoded by actor/singer Gene Autry in 1949.
This commentator thinks that Rudy should know his place and stop emulating a Follywood gangster and have a little humility.
So-called ninth reindeer he may be, but he can always be replaced as a guide by a GPS.
So, reindeer, quit worrying about San ta's avoirdupois problem - that's Mrs C's department. You just do your job, pull the sleigh an' quit bellyaching, capiche?