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In Hamlet, Marcellus, referring to the royal ghost, says: “It faded on the crowing of the cock. Some say that ever gainst that season comes wherein our Saviour’s birth is celebrated, this bird of dawning singeth all night long, and then, they say, no spirit dare walk abroad, The nights are wholesome, then no planets strike, No fairy takes, nor witch hath power to charm, so hallowed and so gracious is that time.”

The post Witches, werewolves, and Christmas appeared first on OUPblog.

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There are many aspects of Christmas that, on reflection, make little sense. We are supposed to be secular-minded, rational and grown up in the way we apprehend the world around us. Richard Dawkins speaks for many when he draws a distinction between the ‘truth’ of scientific discourse and the ‘falsehoods’ perpetuated by religion which, as he tells us in The God Delusion, “teaches us that it is a virtue to be satisfied with not understanding” (Dawkins 2006).

The post Why Christmas should matter to us whether we are ‘religious’ or not appeared first on OUPblog.

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SCENE: A small zoo. Zebra, Christmas show director/producer/mentor to the lesser talented, is preparing the zoo denizens to put on their annual Christmas performance

AT RISE: Some of the performers are chatting amongst themselves while others work closely, in some cases too closely, going over lines

ZEBRA
(checking list)
...sleigh...bag of toys...jingle bells...  What's missing? Hello? Where are the reindeer?

REINDEER RANDY
(munching on moss)
I'm here, Zee (burps) There - better

ZEBRA
Did your mother not teach you it's uncouth to burp out loud, not to mention very impolite and boorish

REINDEER RANDY
Maybe she did if I knew what those words meant

ZEBRA
Why...why do I agree to do this every year?

(ZEBRA stares at himself in the mirror) 'You do it for the sake of the theatre, you talented, handsome beast...'

(cont'd.) Where, pray tell, are the others, he asks, afraid of what he'll be told

REINDEER RANDY
They're back in the barn, playing poker.

ZEBRA
(jumps back)
Say what? The show is about to begin and they're gambling?

REINDER RANDY
They're playing for some green

ZEBRA
Stop them immediately! The last thing we need is for the zoo to be raided!

(staring at himself in the mirror)' It just never ends, does it, gorgeous beast!'

REINDEER RANDY
Not to worry. There's only moss in the pot. Want me to go get them?

ZEBRA
Why must I suffer the humiliation of amatoor performers? Why?

REINDEER RANDY
Because nobody else will do it?

ZEBRA
(pacing)
Tell them to take their places in front of the sleigh, immediately. I'm a professional... I have a reputation to retain... they need me... without my presence there is no show. Go and bring them here posthaste - that means fast for your edification

(ZEBRA stares at himself in full-length mirror. Places a cloth on his forehead)

(cont'd.) I feel a mee-graine coming on...must control myself
(cont'd.)'My but those stripes are stunning! I would fall in love with you if I hadn't already!' 

(loud squawking can be heard)

(cont'd. ZEBRA) My head...the noise...Is there no peace for moi? (staring at himself in the mirror) 'What did I do to deserve to be put in charge of these...these maladroit soubrettes? Still, the show must go on. I am a professional. Hmmmm - my stripes do give my very well proportioned body a certain je ne said quoi...What are you doing after the show, handsome...

RAT
Excuse me Zeb...but there's a problem

ZEBRA
...those dark enquiring eyes...those long lashes... Rat! Why are here? You're in the opening scene

RAT
Figured you'd want to know -

ZEBRA
- we can't afford any more delays. My mee-grain is definitely getting worse so break it to me in gentle hints

RAT
Well...it has to do with Santa....

ZEBRA
- are my eyes bloodshot? There's nothing worse than a zebra with red eyes. People will think I've taken to drink, although I wouldn't blame myself. Is it the costume thing, again? I mean, really, the chicken is quite vain. She assured me she could handle the role. Nobody will even realize that the jacket won't close...just tell her to hold her mitts in front...

RAT
...and one of the actors

ZEBRA
I sent her to a quiet place to go over her lines with the acting coach, although why the necessity is beyond me. I mean, really, "Ho-ho-ho. I think I hear Santa" Nevertheless - where is she? Thespian chickens tend to be peckish. I'll have to give her a pep talk

RAT
Well that's just it...

ZEBRA
What's it? Stop speaking in riddles and go get her

RAT
Seems somebody offered to give her private coaching in his den

ZEBRA
That can't be a bad thing. Wait a minute - did you say 'den'? That Cheetah! I should have known better! Last year it was Mr. Squeeze who got up close and personal with the squirrel and now this. I need some of my special tonic to help assuage my nerves.

RAT
Perhaps that's not such a great idea, Zeb. Remember what happened last year

ZEBRA
They don't pay me enough greens to direct this Christmas show. Must calm down. Is it...

RAT
(holding up feathers)
...too late

ZEBRA
No! This can't be happening! There's no time for a replacement so I, myself, will be forced to don the red costume, even though it clashes with my stripes and does absolutely nothing for my skin. The show must go on. But first, a dose of tonic....maybe two doses...down the hatch. "Places everyone! Curtain up!"

NEXT:
IT'S SHOW TIME, IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

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The holiday season is a time for sharing, spreading peace, and promoting goodwill... but it's also a time went tempers fray, people over-indulge and the outright criminal elements of society take advantage of spirit of the season to wreak havoc. Here are five of the most appalling holiday crimes, from opening presents early, right through to Santacide (not really).

The post Top five holiday-related crimes appeared first on OUPblog.

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. The Night Before Christmas: A Brick Story Written by Clement C. Moore Illustrated by Amanda Brack Sky Pony Press     10/06/2015 978-1-63450-179-8 32 pages         Ages 4—8 “’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a Lego mouse! “You and your …

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Knowledge that we all have DNA and what this means is getting around. The informed public is well aware that our cells run on DNA software called the genome. This software is passed from parent to child, in the long line of evolutionary history that dates back billions of years – in fact, research published this year pushes back the origin of life on Earth another 300 million years.

The post The magic of Christmas: it’s Santa’s DNA appeared first on OUPblog.

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Prizes and samples provided by Penguin Random House Children’s Books The Children’s Book Review | November 16, 2015 Come together with friends celebrating different holidays! Enter to win 2 copies of Dear Santa, Love, Rachel Rosenstein (Penguin Random House Children’s Books, 2015), one to keep, and one to share. One (1) winner receives: Two copies of Dear Santa, Love, Rachel […]

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The Book of Kringle: Legend of the North Pole, by Derek Velez Partridge and Mary Packard, beautifully illustrated by David Wenzel, answers questions in an imaginative world of magic and elves and good and evil.

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I thought this Saturday I’d bring you some of the Santa’s from past Illustrator Saturdays. Remember that not every illustrator has done an illustration of Santa. I am sure I missed some Santa’s, so if you were featured on Illustrator Saturday and have a Santa that you would like me to add, please email me with the illustration and I will add it to the celebration of Santa.

Yvonne Gilbert http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2013/11/09/illustrator-saturday-yvonne-gilbert/

David Thorn Wenzel – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2013/08/24/illustrator-saturday-david-thorn-wenzel/

Glenn Zimmer – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2013/10/19/illustrator-saturday-glenn-zimmer/

Ruth Sanderson – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2012/03/17/illustrator-saturday-ruth-sanderson/

Ruth Sanderson – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2012/03/17/illustrator-saturday-ruth-sanderson/

Michele Noiset – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2012/09/22/illustrator-saturday-michele-noiset/

David Harrington – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/illustrator-saturday-david-harrington/

Micheal Garland – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/illustrator-saturday-michael-garland/

Yvonne Gilbert http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2013/11/09/illustrator-saturday-yvonne-gilbert/

Carlyn Beccia – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2011/03/12/illustrator-saturday-carlyn-beccia/

Michele Noiset – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2012/09/22/illustrator-saturday-michele-noiset/

Sarah Dillard – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2012/08/19/illustrator-saturday-sarah-dillard/

Michael Garland – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/illustrator-saturday-michael-garland/

Ruth Sanderson – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2012/03/17/illustrator-saturday-ruth-sanderson/

Karen Romagna – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2011/05/14/illustrator-saturday-karen-romanga/

Shawna JC Tenney – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/illustrator-saturday-shawna-jc-tenney/

Susan Detwiler – http://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/illustrator-saturday-susan-detwiler/

This Santa was done by Robert Eberz. Robert will be featured on Illustrator Saturday in January, so check back for more. www.roberteberz.com

Merry Christmas! Remember that I will be posting Christmas poems on Christmas Day, so if you have a Christmas poem, please email it to me.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

 

Filed under: authors and illustrators, Holiday, Illustrator's Saturday, inspiration, Poems Tagged: Christmas, Santa Claus, Santa illustrations from Illustrator Saturday

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Wrote this a while back but have done some editing and bringing it back being that it's almost Christmas.

David Grey, 20-something reporter
Paul Seaton, camera man












































































































































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Each year when the nights start growing longer, everyone’s favourite rotund old man emerges from his wintry hideaway in the fastness of the North Pole and dashes around the globe in a red and white blur, delivering presents and generally spreading goodwill to the people of the world. Who can criticise such good intentions?

Despite this noble cause, Father Christmas is running an unconventional operation at best. At worst, the jolly old fool is flagrantly flaunting the law and his reckless behaviour should see him standing before a jury of his peers. Admittedly, it would be a challenge to find eleven other omnipotent, eternally-old, portly men with a penchant for elves.

Read on to find out four shocking laws Santa breaks every year. But be warned; this is just the tip of an iceberg of criminality that dates back centuries!

1) Illegal Surveillance – Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000
Even before the Christmas season rolls around, Santa is actively engaged in full-time surveillance of 1.9 billion children. This scale of intelligence-gathering makes the guys at GCHQ look like children with a magnifying glass. In the course of compiling this colossal “naughty-or-nice” list, Santa probably violates every single privacy law ever created, but he is definitely breaking the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act. Even if Secretary of State William Hague gave Santa the authorisation required to carry out intrusive surveillance on all the children of the UK, the British government would go weak-at-the-knees at the thought of being complicit in an intelligence scandal set to dwarf Merkel’s phone tap and permanently sour Anglo-global relations!

2) Drink Driving Laws – The Road Traffic Act 1988
Even conceding that Santa’s impressive paunch is due to a not-entirely-human ability to imbibe the massive quantity of mince pies and sherry left-out by eager children around the world, his rosy cheeks betray that while his tolerance is high, he can’t escape the effects of a two-unit-tipple in every single family household in the world. Assuming the world average is three children per family, Santa has to visit 630 million families! Half of the world’s population sadly live in poverty, so we can assume they don’t have the sherry on hand to keep Santa tanked-up during his rounds. Of the 316 million families from economically developed countries, 21 million abstain from alcohol on religious grounds. Taking that into account, that’s 295 million sherries left out for Santa, just shy of 600 million units. If we assume Santa weighs a conservative 240 pounds, that makes his blood alcohol a whopping 7,870,000%! Needless to say, by the time Santa finishes his quota he is most definitely over the limit and if he’s still breathing it’s safe to assume his sleigh flying ability is impaired.

3) Airspace Violations – Chicago Convention on International Civil Aviation 1944
While on his annual jaunt across the globe, Santa and his furry entourage enter the airspace of every single country. Even granting Saint Nick’s North Pole hideout the status of a sovereign state and signing him up to the convention, he only acquires the right to cross the 191 participating states and is obliged to make a landing if requested. There is no evidence of Santa ever touching down at the bequest of country and submitting to a customs search, which is unusual considering the quantity and variety of goods he is known to be carrying. Coupled with the fact that Santa’s definitely entered some questionable airspace during active conflicts and never been sighted or shot down, we can assume the red sleigh must be boasting next-generation stealth camouflage. Those tinkering elves are cleverer than they look!

4) Movement of Livestock – Animal Welfare Act 2006
Either Santa’s reindeer have incredible longevity or he’s running a full-scale reindeer breeding operation up there at the North Pole, as well as presiding over a city-sized workshop full of elves. Now assuming that Saint Nick has been at this game since his reported death in 270AD (when he slipped away to the North Pole and recruited his first elf) he’s been spreading cheer and making merry for 1744 years! A well-cared for reindeer can live as long as 20 years in captivity, which means that Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph have died at least 87 times and been repeatedly replaced by reindeers with the same name. A worrying thought!

However, if those reindeer weren’t well-cared for, Santa could be well into a triple-figure reindeer mortality count. The Animal Welfare Act of 2006 states that reindeers undergoing transportation should all be fitted with an ear tag listing their identifying reference number, in accordance with the guidelines stipulated by the BDFA (British Deer Farmers Association). Santa should also be filling out the requisite AML24 document and reporting all movements of his herds to the authorities. As reindeers act as carriers for tuberculosis and ‘foot and mouth’ disease, failure to abide by these rules can pose a significant health risk. With such a laissez-faire attitude to animal welfare, Nick could be at the helm of animal welfare cover-up the likes of which have never been seen… and Rudolph’s red nose is obviously a symptom of infectious bovine rhinotracheitis.

Headline image credit: Santa Claus and Reindeer. Public domain via Pixabay.

The post Santa Claus breaks the law every year appeared first on OUPblog.

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As we romp ever closer to that special night of the year, don’t forget to take a moment or two to sit with someone small and share some magic. You never know, it may extend into a lifetime of golden memories. Today’s classics you’ve read with your kids starts out with multi-talented SE QLD writer, […]

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Author, Soraya Diase Coffelt

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Enter to win a copy of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Pop-Up Book, story by Lisa Ann Marsoli and illustrations by Keith Andrew Finch! Giveaway begins November 11, 2014, at 12:01 A.M. PST and ends December 10, 2014, at 11:59 P.M. PST.

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5 Stars Santa’s Eleven Months Off Mike Reiss Michael G, Montgomery Peachtree Publishing 32 Pages   Ages: 4 to 8 (+) Cover & Jacket:  From December first through Christmas, Santa Claus got down to business, making fifty zillion toys for the world’s good girls and boys. All that month, he worked his rear off. Then he [...]

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RAPTOR CLAUS is coming to town! 

This is one of only two T-shirts in this celebration that doesn't feature T.rex.  Shirt is from Zazzle.com.

The photos were taken at Mt. Bonnell, a 775 foot tall chunk of limestone just west of town. It was donated as a park in 1939.  According to the Handbook of Texas's Mt. Bonnell entry, General Custer used to picnic up here.   

And one gratuitous shot of me making some chocolate chip cookies per the Neiman Marcus recipe (I'm bringing the cookies to the The BookSpot in Round Rock for a signing from 12 to 2 pm today, with Cynthia Leitich Smith, Liz Garton Scanlon & Shana Burg.).  And I'll be wearing tomorrow's Dino a Day T-shirt...



Here are the previous entries:

A Dino a Day: Day 0: Thundercloud Subs Turkey Trot
A Dino a Day: Day 1: Book People
A Dino a Day: Day 2: Driskill Hotel
A Dino a Day: Day 3: Whole Foods 
A Dino a Day: Day 4: Texas State Capitol 
A Dino a Day: Day 5:Amy's Ice Creams
A Dino a Day: Day 6: Austin History Center
A Dino a Day: Day 7: RunTex
A Dino a Day: Day 8: Waterloo Records




 

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I had an inkling that Santa might take a break or two at a few houses to imbibe in some of his favorite snacks...

Merry Christmas...

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That Santa is a hard working guy. Using whatever mobile means at his disposal, Santa always delivers the goods.