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I read an interesting article about Spanish royalty this week and it got me thinking about monarchies.  The article specifically mentioned the king’s 8 year-old granddaughter who was soon to become a princess. She won’t rule yet, but there have been many examples in history of children leading countries. Have you ever thought about that? I think of my kids when they were eight and would be very concerned about the consequences of them having absolute power. Worse yet, what would I have done as a reigning monarch at seven? (Or now, for that matter)

It happened all over the globe! Seriously, did any of their subjects think these good ideas?

Henry III assumed the throne of England when he was nine.

Puyi became Emperor of China when he was two years-old.

Ivan VI became the Czar of Russia at two months old

Alfonso VIII was named King of Spain the day he was born.

2 Kings 22-23 tells us of Josiah, who became King of Judah at eight.

According to Dennis the Constitutional Peasant, subjects lived in a dictatorship – “a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class…” Before he was repressed, Dennis was reminding us that peasants had no choice in who became their king. Sounds vaguely familiar, but I’m not political, so I will move on.

 

I know all of these children had advisors, but do you wonder what laws were transcribed inside the inner walls of the castle? Some might have been enacted, most were probably transcribed, agreed upon in the ruler’s presence, then discarded knowing the little king wouldn’t remember after his nap.

Edicts like these come to mind:

“The mere mention of peas, green beans, or brussel sprouts will be cause for eight lashes!”

“If I call for a toy and it is not handed to me in less than 10 seconds, the entire court shall have to walk like frogs for a day!”

“Bed time is when I fall asleep on my throne and not a moment before!”

For most child rulers, there would have been a whole legal treatise for passing gas. In fact, it would have been so overwhelming and encompassing that given the proper historical context, it could have replaced the Magna Carta as the defining law of the modern world.

We have rules in our house. You probably think that since I have all girls, our parental charter hasn’t needed gas addendums. You would be wrong. In fact, the doctor where my youngest is being treated completely shot any control over our gas emission laws with one simple, medical edict, “Gas is good.” In his opinion, it is more advantageous for the body to expel gas than hold it in. In the immortal words of Dr. Shrek, “Better out than in, I always say.”

Huh? So now, any hope we have of spending time in the absence of foul clouds is ruined. Our patient is the queen right now subscribes to the good doctor’s manner of treatment…when it suits her. We peasants bow down, joining in when nature calls under threat of law. All of us except mother, who is medically unhealthy, but socially proper. Even the doctor’s advice can’t woo her to the dark side.

In the absence of a real point to this post, I leave you with two thoughts:

1. Gas is good.

2. “Strange women, lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for government!”

Filed under: It Made Me Laugh

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Well, it took me only a week to fail on my promise to get a new sketch up every friday.

Yep, I kinda suck.

Maybe this will make you feel a bit better.

I've recently decided to do something I've always wanted to do, but for whatever reason always backed out of - a webcomic.

I've loved comics as a medium since I was a kid and I've always thought doing a webcomic on a regular basis might be fun. That being said, I don't have a ton of extra time and I didn't want to get something started and never see it through.

I'm not saying there's no chance of that happening this time out, but I've chosen sort of an easy-breezy style of art and I'm going to give it my best.

I want to get a few pages ahead of the game before I start posting stuff, so I'm looking at getting up and running by the end of next month - hopefully. I'll have mo information as I get closer.

In the meantime, here's a little something to wet your whistle.

Steve

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I don’t DO snail mail, but I pass notes in class and the last note I wrote before Summer Vacation changed my life. I had scribbled the usual. Same B.S. to Jody about the same lame things that always bug me about high school and then my Daily Six. It’s what we do everyday, she has her six I have mine. I can’t really remember what was up with the number six. But that’s what it’s always been and that’s what we always do.

Everyday Jody and I rate the top six guys we’d do it with if we ever had a chance, that is if they ever knew we existed. You know, the guys we’ll never do it with. Okay, so we don’t write down names or anything. Just initials and a number. The number of BJs we’d give them looking like that. Five was the most any guy ever got. We knew each other’s Sixes by heart and they hadn’t changed in years until Billy showed up on our high school steps in April and by May he’d bumped Derek Eddy off my list. Even though Derek was beyond gorgeous and had a summer house on the lake and consistently rated a 4, there was something about Billy. Something about hot, new guys that made a girl like me think about him day and night. Nights especially.

So when I filled in Billy’s name in the spot that used to read D. E. and gave him a 5 and folded it up and slid the note across the floor to Jody in English that B*tch Nicole booted it in Billy’s direction and Billy bent down and picked it up. He read the “To” and eyed Jody and even the new guy, Number 5, knew I was her best friend because the next thing he did was stare me down with his laser green eyes and he looked so amazing I had to look away. And since he connected the dots between me and Jody, he knew we were best friends which meant that I was more on his radar than any other boy who’d ever been on my Six before. And I wanted to throw up. Because I wrote his WHOLE name and because none of my other Sixes ever looked at me before. He put the note in his pocket and I silently screamed inside for the whole rest of class. Nicole had the biggest grin on her face and went up to him right when the bell rang. And instead of getting into the drama with Nicole, Billy walked over to Jody and handed her the note all the while keeping his eye on me. I grabbed the note out of Jody’s hand ready to scratch Billy’s name out with my big black pen but I just couldn’t. Of all the boys I’d ever known, who made my Six or not, no boy had ever looked at me like Billy had.

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Men think about sex, and they think about sex a lot, so you might be amazed that something would be too sexy for a guy, but there are at least ten things that I think you may agree are too sexy, here they are. 

Guys find it sexy when a girl is into the same things as him, such as a sports team, or horror flicks. What could be better than sharing a favorite past time together? Guys find it too sexy when the girl starts looking like his favorite teams best player or the killer in a horror flick.  If she looks like a quarter back or an axe murderer, its not hot. 

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Anna_Maria_Babberger-Tobler.JPG 

Men love models.  Men fantasize about being with a woman who is a model.  Models are always hot, am I not right? 

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Quentin_Massys_008.jpg

Guys find it attractive when a woman isn’t afraid to get dirty. It shows that she isn’t going to be a demanding little princess type. Guys find it scary when the woman doesn’t look like she has taken a bath for months.  And before you say anything about the picture not being great, you just try to look up “dirty girl picture” and see how easy it is. 

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Barefoot_in_Berlin.JPG

Guys find it sexy when a girl works and spends some of her own money. It makes him happy to see her get the things she loves and wants. Guys find it too sexy when she spends all of her own money, his money, and money they don’t even have.  Also, and please note:  Just because you can buy anything you want, does not mean you should. 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lizhenry/3363028843/

Men find a damsel in distress a bit of a turn on. It gives him a chance to be a hero for a change. Men find it concerning when the same damsel is in distress all of the time.  Well okay we might rescue her a few times before we clued in but I am sure eventually we would clue in.  Eventually.  Maybe.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/garydenness/2845530233/

Men find it kinda sexy watching a girl shave her legs. S l o w l y… with toes pointed, in the shower, water dripping off her. Not so sexy when she has to shave her face though.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jennifer_Miller_Bearded_Lady_by_David_Shankbone.jpg

Guys get turned on by a little girl on girl action or cat fight. You know what I mean. Guys do not really get too many thrills by watching actual cats fight, well hopefully not anyhow. 

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ecaille07.jpg

Guys find it sexy when a chick asks their opinion on something like which car to buy or what computer to get. Since women always think they know best, it is hot when they throw us a crumb or two. Guys really don’t like it when a chick tells them how to do something, like change a tire, or fix a computer.  And if the chick is a chicken telling a guy how to fix the computer, well that’s just wrong.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/alishav/3619318320/

Guys find it sexy when a girl cooks, or does house work in the nude. Can’t think of anything too sexy here. Doing dishes naked, vacuuming naked, mowing the lawn naked, whatever, guys are pretty cool with it.

 http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Blue_vacuum_cleaner.svg

Guys love seeing some skin.  A little tease is wonderful.   Careful that you don’t show too much as in the photo below, the one one the left is showing a bit too much skin and has dangerously entered the world of being too sexy. 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/leekelleher/200975138/

One tip to any girl wanting to appear sexy, it helps to stand next to somebody larger than yourself.

Other Reading for Your Enjoyment

What do Men Find Sexy

What do Women Find Sexy

Songs for Lovemaking

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I'm a pretty decent guy. I've got my faults of course; I'm sort of boring, kind of shy, sometimes I don't shower into well after one in the afternoon, but overall I like to think that the pros heavily outweigh the cons when it comes to your friendly neighborhood Steven. I'm sort of funny sometimes, there are a few people out there worse looking than me, I'm patient, understanding, and if you can manage to get past the Alcatraz-like that I tend wall that I put up, I'm a pretty good friend as well.

That's right, go me! NERD HIGH FIVE!

It's because of one of these good things that I agreed to take five or six hours out of my day last Saturday and put together the six logos above for my wife. The kids in her class at school came up with table names (some of them pretty creative) and she asked me if I would make a logo for each table.

I of course pretended like it was going to be a pain in the rear end of the highest order...you know...to make her more appreciative of the efforts, but in all honesty it was kind of fun. There were some pretty creative names in there, that sparked a lot of ideas, so I can't complain all that much.

Some of them actually came out looking pretty good.

That's right, go me! NERD HIGH FIVE AGAIN!

(I really should stop with the nerd high five thing...I'm starting to look like a nerd).

Steve

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I had an opportunity to visit with one of my former students recently. As their "librarian-for-life," I am always interested in their current reading choices and interests. He said, "You have to read William Sleator, Mrs. P."

My sojourns into middle school libraries have reinforced my belief that is is NEVER too late for a kid to become a reader.



Hell Phone by William Sleator, Harry N. Abrams, 2006

Start with some classic Rod Serling-Twilight Zone; add in some of Dante's Divine Comedy with extra "Inferno" sprinkled on top. Mix in cell phones, video games, part time jobs, and a high school romance and you have a book that grabs the most reluctant, uninterested, I-don't-read-books guy (or girl) and keep them turning the pages.


The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
[1855 H. G. Bohn Hand-Book of Proverbs 514]


Nick is an "A" student works a part-time job at a hospital. His income helps his mother who is working two jobs to support them. He does not have a car but gets around on an old bike.
For the first time in his life, Nick has a girlfriend and he is crazy about her. He is respectful to her parents and mindful of her commitment to the high school soccer team. He just wants to be able to talk to her on the phone in the evening.

A flier advertising the "cheapest phones in town" lures him to a store in a seedy part of town to look for a cell phone The fact that the caller id does not work, does not dissuade him from buying the phone that is offered to him. The whiff of sulfur about the cell phone store foreshadows the events to come.

He begins to receive threatening calls the moment he turns the phone on. A sobbing young woman and dire warnings from the former owner of the phone frighten him. When an anonymous, sinister caller threatens him, Nick's life begins to spin out of control.

He begins lying, stealing and becomes enmeshed with unsavory characters. The reader can sense the downward spiral Nick is on and calls to him at every turn to stop and reverse his course. The cell phone takes on a life of its own and plays on his insecurities. Nick acts heroically to rescue his girlfriend from an attempted rape (before anything happens) but then commits a crime for which he is tried and punished.

The book has great appeal to middle school boys. Seventh and eighth grade guys are looking towards high school when they will be have a part time job, working for good grades to earn college scholarships, and dating for the first time. Books are a safe way for kids to "try on" a future.

In every way, Hell Phone is a cautionary tale. The ease in which Nick slips away from his former life is frightening as each decision seems to be made almost innocently or as an attempt to protect his girlfriend and mother.

Sleator allows for redemption but harsh lessons are learned and no one escapes scot-free. The situations are grim and the book is creepy but there is no vulgar language or "Sam Peckinpaugh" style violence. The filth and ordure of Hell is vividly described and provides a hefty, "eeewww..." factor.

What a great teen book club read this would be!
There is much to ponder and discuss here about right and wrong, religious implications, free will and the nature of evil.

The book design is by the imaginative Chad Beckerman. (who also designs The Last Apprentice series) This cover grabs the reader by the shoulders and dares them to move on to another book. The opening pages shows a cell phone signal strength icon with the final and tallest bar in flames. Flames edge the pages exactly where a reader holds the book to read.

No wonder the book hardly ever makes it back to the shelf before it is checked-out again.

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No, seriously...I am. I'm a really nice guy. I'm not saying that I should be given an award or anything, but the fact remains that I am a decent, nice guy. Don't get me wrong, if you want to give me an award, that's fine with me...I won't turn it down.

My wife is a teacher and she moved to a new school this year, and out of the goodness of my heart I designed the schools logo...for free. Want to see it? CLICK HERE. Would a jerk do that? Nope. Would a nice guy? You better believe it bucko!

Not too long afterward one of the students in her class writes something in her reading journal about having trouble drawing noses, which prompts my wife to ask me, "Steven, would you do me a favor and draw some noses in her journal?" So I did. Turns out not only does the girl love the drawing, but the rest of the class does as well and wants me to draw something in all of their journals.

She has 30 kids in her class.

Being the nice guy that I am, I agree. (Not all at once mind, you...but a few a week).

Sound like something a jerk does? I think not.

It feels good knowing that I'm a nice guy. Good, and a little strange, because in all honesty, I wasn't that nice of a kid growing up. Maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age.

NOTE: The above sketch is just something that I'm tinkering with. Trying a different method of computer coloring. I'm still working out the bugs.

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Today I received my rejection letter from zuda comics regarding my webcomic submission. It was your basic "thanks for submitting" sort of thing. If I hadn't already received about ten million of them in my somewhat short illustration career I would be upset, luckily at this point in my career rejection letters are about as "fresh and new" as the high top fade.

Because I am completely incapable of simply leaving the story hanging I've decided to go ahead and update it and continue the story when I get the time.

Click the link above if you're interested or possibly just bored and give it a read.

Steve!

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Loves, loves, loves me some hockey! What's not to love? Men in pads going thirty miles an hour with sticks, bashing each other into the boards, slamming to the ice and scoring with only a few seconds left. It's testasterone at it's best!


And my favorite team is the Toronto Maple Leafs...my favorite player...Darcy Tucker. What's not to love? He shoots, he scores...





He fights...





He's a leader and a team player...





And he's sooooooo cute!





What's your favorite sport? Favorite player? Let us know!


And a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge CONGRATS to Stephanie Hale for her new sale!!!


Hugs
Marley = )


SORORITY 101: ZETA OR OMEGA?
SORORITY 101: THE NEW SISTERS
writing as Kate Harmon
May 2008, Puffin Books

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Nice profile on author, Mike Lupica.

Although Mike still writes his popular sports column, and is a regular on ESPN’s “The Sports Reporters,” he says writing for young readers is his new favorite job. “This is the greatest writing adventure of my life,” Mike said. Does Mike have any advice for young readers? Of course, after all, he’s a dad and a coach. So here it is: Whether you’re taking about basketball or writing, Mike said, “Don’t let anybody limit your dreams, because nobody limited mine.”

I was talking to a friend yesterday who was telling me how much his son loves Lupica's books. He had to make his son return Heat to the school library so they could get his year-end report card.

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Matt Lauer interviews Mike Lupica at Live From Studio 1A about his new book, Summer Ball, the sequel to Travel Team.

Lupica talks about sports and life and his characters. His aim to demonstrate that "anybody can get knocked down, that's easy, but it is how you pick yourself up" that is important. He says he never gives his kids (characters) more than they can handle.

Summer Ball is one of the books at the top of my TBR pile right now.

Update: The MSNBC website seems to be experiencing some problems right now. I hope these links work. The interview is great.

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I loved this Meghan Cox Gurdon review of The Dangerous Book for Boys sent to me by an alert reader.

She transcribes the comments of (her?) 10-year-old boy. How fun!

Then the boy explodes into action. Leaping up, he rummages in a drawer for a pad of Post-It notes and vaults back into his seat. And this, transcribed from life, is what follows: "Man! This book has everything!" the boy cries, marking a page. "Sweet! Making cloth fireproof!" He puts in another bookmark. "The Golden Age of Piracy!" There's a pause, and in a lower voice he says, " 'How to Talk to Girls,' that'll be useful ..."

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Here is a terrific interview/article by Ben Macintyre about Young Bond author, Charlie Higson in The Times Online. Higson thinks it is "fantastic" to be part of the Bond family.
Macintyre's article is so entertaining, be sure to read the whole thing.

Higson’s formula is straightforward, but then boys of 10 are not, on the whole, particularly complex organisms: “Deliberately keep the language simple. Stripped-down and hard-boiled. Not 12 pages of internal monologue.” Boys aren’t big on internal monologue. Unless it also involves exploding noises. “We didn’t want to encourage violence, but I have tried to show the consequences of violence,” says Higson. To judge from the response of his sons (and mine), the result feeds directly into the central cortex of boy brain: action, suspense, gadgets, threat, fights, escapes, jungle survival, evil baddies and plenty of guns. My sons devoured each of the novels in the same way that I consume adult thrillers, in great, unreflective, purely enjoyable lumps.

I have Silverfin waving to me from my TBR shelf. So many books... Read the rest of this post

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In one of those "things come in 3s" deals, I have been told three times in the last 24 hours that I HAVE to read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (I was cataloging the sequel New Moon, at the library today too. Weird! I better read it.)

I also have been asked three times in 24 hours for recommendations for book gifts for boys. I figure the question must be in the air so for the record, here are my suggestions for books that guys absolutely love:



Guinness World Records 2007
The gold standard for guy-hood fascination. Readers and nonreaders LOVE the Guinness World Record books. Give this as a gift and you will be appreciated.



Calvin and Hobbes
It continually amazes me that guys and girls cannot remember their multiplication tables but can recite entire pages of Calvin & Hobbes dialog and strips from memory. Yes, graphic novels are all the rage, manga "rules" but no comic or graphic will ever top Calvin and his tiger in our hearts.



I Spy & Can You See What I See?
Just check the bindings of these books in any school library and you will KNOW how beloved this series is. In a time when computers can make anything possible, Walter Wick's images are actual photos NOT Photoshop renderings. He designs his sets and layouts with an artist’s eye. The optical illusions book is amazing, drawing you in and making you wonder, how did he do that?


Do you have to give a book for a guy who is marginal about the whole reading thing?


The Lightning Thief and the sequel, Sea of Monsters by Rockstar Rick Riordan
Received an email from a friend who thought her son, now a 6th grader, would NEVER become a reader. Over Thanksgiving he didn't watch TV or play videogames, he just read this series and then began working through the Alex Rider books. News like that gives his old librarian-for-life a case of the warm fuzzies.


Guys Read, edited by Jon Scieszka
Small bites of prose and illustrations. They don't have to commit to the whole book, just jump in where it looks interesting. Don't miss Jack Gantos's piece though!


Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz
Gadgets, explosions, danger and high speed chases. See above.

• Stormbreaker
• Point Blank
• Skeleton Key
• Eagle Strike
• Scorpia
• ArkAngel

For your dedicated readers try:


For a WWII buff there is Code Talker: A Novel About the Navajo Marines of World War Two by Joseph Bruchac. This terrific read follows young Ned Begay from his early years at boarding school to his enlistment in the Marine Corps following Pearl Harbor. Tapped to help develop a top-secret code, he becomes a code talker. Ned is there in the thick of it at Guadalcanal, Bougainville, Guam, and Iwo Jima. He draws on the strength of his Navajo heritage to survive and lives to tell the story of the Navajo code that was never cracked by the enemy to his grandchildren. I love this book.



Tangerine by Edward Bloor
My reading friends tell me this is one of their favorite books. This was Bloor's first book and has made me a fan for life.

If the boy-o in your life has not read Holes by Louis Sachar or Hatchet (and its multiple sequels) by Gary Paulsen then those are good bets too.

At the junior high library today, I noticed that the Warriors books by Erin Hunter were flying off the shelves.

TA Barron's Lost Years of Merlin was a fantasy favorite with guys before there was a Harry Potter. Boys revere these books which tell the story of Merlin's early life. Mike Wimmer's covers are wonderful.

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