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Using Illustration Friday this week for my warm-up drawings. This is #3.

One of the most frequently asked questions by new kidlit writers is “why do editors say not to write in rhyme?” There’s plenty of picture books written in rhyme, right? They get published somehow!

Well, the answer is a bit complicated. It’s not that editors don’t necessarily LIKE rhyme. It’s just that it is very difficult to do well. Here’s why:

• Rhyme scheme can dictate story–but shouldn’t. Tales should unfold organically, not be forced into the confines of the rhyme. Often it’s suggested to write in prose first—so you don’t get locked into a plot that doesn’t work—then translate it to rhyme.
• Common rhyme schemes can be stale. Editors see them again and again. Avoid overly simple, one-syllable rhyme schemes like  go/show/know, to/you, me/be/she/he/see, run/fun/sun, day/may/way/say. If your reader can guess the word at the end of the line before they get there, your rhyme scheme may be too common. Editors want to read rhyme that surprises them.
• Forced rhyme or near-rhyme can ruin a story. This is when words don’t exactly rhyme unless you mispronounce them. Once in a while this is acceptable, but more than a few times in a manuscript and it distracts.
• The meter (or beat) must be spot-on. That doesn’t just mean the number of syllables in each line, but the emphasis on those syllables. Meter shouldn’t be so sing-songy and constant that it lulls the reader to sleep (unless maybe it’s a bedtime book) or so rough that it tongue-ties the reader and forces them to speak unnaturally. Some good rhyming books offer a break in the rhyme scheme for variety—not unlike a bridge in a song.
• Rhyming books are difficult to translate into other languages. An editor may not want to lose out on foreign book sales, so they’ll pass on a rhyming project.

However, if your heart is set on rhyme and if you have a talent for it, you should go for it. At first, Karma Wilson listened to the “don’t rhyme” advice.

“When I first started submitting some 15 years ago all the guidelines said, ‘No rhyme and no talking animals!’ For THREE years I avoided rhyme and talking animals. But guess what my first book sale was? BEAR SNORES ON! And guess what the guidelines said for McElderry books? NO RHYME AND NO TALKING ANIMALS! My passion is rhyme, and talking animals are great as long as they have something interesting to say.”

Yes, you can break the rules like Karma. But get your rhyme critiqued and know whether or not you can nail it.

Me, I’m terrible at rhyme and I know it. I cannot “hear” meter. I’ve tried and failed. My friends have coached me, but I still don’t get the right beat. I can’t dance to it. (I can’t dance anyway. Think Elaine from Seinfeld. Sweet fancy moses!)

So what is successful rhyme? I’m glad you asked! I’ve got a few examples for you.

In HUSH, LITTLE DRAGON, Boni Ashburn spoofs the lullaby “Hush, Little Baby”. Instead of buying her baby a mockingbird, the mama dragon in the story brings her darling son various villagers to eat. It’s delightfully tongue-in-cheek. Some of the best lines:

Here she comes with a fresh magician.
Don’t mind the tast

   Here’s a little poem I wrote several years ago. See if you can figure out the answer to the riddle before you get to the end. Enjoy!

At the end of the rainbow there’s a magical place that transcends all time and suppresses all space.

Do you know what’s there? Care to venture a guess? I’ll give you a clue, it’s not a skirt or a dress.

It isn’t pants or underwear. And you won’t find shorts or blouses there.

No coats, no ties, no belts, no vests. No shoes, no hats, no suits well pressed.

What remains? Have you figured out what’s deposited by the magical spout?

It’s a great big pile of rainbow loot that traveled along the rainbow chute.

It isn’t shining coins or sparkling diamond rocks. Straight from your laundry room-it’s socks!

Believe it or not, this GalleyCat editor once attempted to write a private detective epic poem. The project stalled for many reasons, but primarily because we are TERRIBLE at making rhymes.

To help all the struggling poets in the audience, we’ve uncovered Free Online Rhyming Dictionary.

The online tool allows poets to select from six different kinds of rhymes. End Rhymes (blue/shoe), Last Syllable Rhymes (timber/harbor), Double Rhymes (conviction/prediction), Triple Rhymes (frightening/brightening), Beginning Rhymes (physics/fizzle), and First Syllable Rhymes (carrot/caring). For $19.99, you can download a desktop copy of the dictionary with a host of other features.

continued…

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Rhyming, when done right, is a wonderful way to engage children. Children, as soon as they’re able, love to rhyme words . . . and this can begin as early as two-years-old: cat-hat, mouse-house. But, to write a rhyming story . . . a well written rhyming story . . . is difficult; you need a good story, rhyme, rhythm/beat, meter, stresses, and more—all this in addition to the already unique rules and tricks in writing for children. And, some writers just don’t have that innate ability to do rhyme well. But, it can be learned.

According to Delia Marshall Turner, Ph.D., the elements of poetry are: voice; stanza; sound; rhythm; figures of speech; and form.

Voice (the speaker)
Stanza (the format of lines grouped together)
Sound (rhyme and other patterns)
Rhythm (the beat and meter – the pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables)
Figures of Speech (types of figurative language)
Form (the type of poem, its design)

Along with this there is perfect rhyme, and approximate rhyme:

Perfect rhyme: tie/lie; stay/day
Approximate rhyme: top/cope; comb/tomb

And, there are many more bits and pieces that go into writing poetry/ rhyme. But, the foundation that holds your rhyming story all together is the story itself—you need a good story, especially when writing for children.

Another great source of rhyming information is the article, “To Rhyme or Not to Rhyme” by Dori Chaconas, in the Writer Magazine, October 2001: “You may write in perfect rhyme, with perfect rhythm, but if your piece lacks the elements of a good story, your efforts will be all fluff without substance. I like to think of story as the key element, and if the story is solid, and conducive to rhyme, the rhyme will then enhance the story.”

This is a wonderful explanation because it mentions “if the story is solid, and conducive to rhyme.” This means that not all stories will work in rhyme, and the writer needs to know whether his will or will not.

So, if you’re interested in writing in rhyme, there are a number of sites and articles online that can help, there are also books available, and classes you can take. Do a Google search for the tools that are right for you.

One great place to start your search is at:
http://writingforchildrencenter.com/2009/08/05/learn-to-write-rhyming-stories/

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Other articles you may find of interest:

Ingredients of a Perfect Picture Book

Writing for Young Children: Ten Basic Rules

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Great Writing Tools and Programs:

Writing, Publishing, and Marketing - You Can Do It

Writing for Children One Step at a Time

The Self-Publishing Guide, 2nd Edition

The Children's Writers' Coaching Club

Write More, Sell More, Make More Money Than EVER in 2010 Coaching Program

And, please, if you do take my advice and join one or both of Suzanne's groups, please mention my name--I am an affiliate of hers. But, also know that I only recommend these programs because I belong to them and I know their value if you're serious about writing.
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If you haven’t yet, be sure to sign u

Agent Mary Kole discusses the pros and cons of picture books in rhyme.
http://kidlit.com/2009/09/05/rhyming-picturebooks-a-rhyme-with-reason/

Every Monday, we will be celebrating Poetry Month by sharing some childrens poetry resources with you. We scoured the internet and our own resources to bring you today’s list of great kids’ poems. These works are appropriate for children ages 0 to 4, but also for the child in you!

We learned that exposing children to similar sounds and rhymes has been proven to increase a child’s ability to learn not only more words but more challenging words at an earlier age.  For more information visit: Infants & Toddlers: Learning Through Rhythm & Rhyme

There are plenty of ways you can incorporate rhyming into a child’s reading. You can select poems with topics that interest your child or even try to create a few together! Here’s just one of the many activities you can try: Early Literacy Rhyming Activity

Some poems that are available online:
An Alphabet by Edward Lear
At the Zoo by William Makepeace Thackeray
There Was  A Little Girl by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The Star by Jane Taylor
On our very own Marketplace, two great titles:
Poems for Babies
Baby Einstein: Pretty Poems and Wonderful Words

iTunes users can subscribe to this podcast

A good limerick’s no trouble to fashion:
Avoid lines that are metrically clashin’,
Bring together some rhymes,
Build in humor at times,
And enjoy it. For some, it’s a passion!

That’s by Jesse Frankovich and from a website called The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form.

Of course the poetry form called limerick takes its name from the Irish city called Limerick. The style of rhyme was around before it was named that though.

Edward Lear who invented such imaginary things as runcible spoons is also credited with popularizing, if not inventing limericks.

That said, Lear was dead before limericks are documented as having been called limericks. He passed away in 1888 and The Oxford English Dictionary traces the first time such poetry being called a limerick to 1896.

The reason limericks began being called limericks was that these often nonsensical poems became a kind of party game. The party goers would take turns—and the dictionaries tell me that each participant not only had to make up a limerick on the spot, but they had to sing it too—following which the chorus ran “Will you come up to Limerick?”Presumably directed at the next person who had to perform.

This makes me think that “coming up to Limerick” sort of parallels “coming up with a limerick” although I’m sure it isn’t quite that literal.

The place Limerick itself is said to have had this or a similar name for more than 1400 years and according to both Patrick Joyce in The Origin and History of Irish Names of Places and Adrian Room in Placenames of the World the meaning of the name is “a bare piece of land.” This could have meant somewhere that wasn’t forested but it could also have meant a place that was hard to defend militarily.

Growing up, I had a lot of girl friends (or, more accurately, friends who were girls).  As a consequence, I became quite good at hula hoop, hopscotch, jump rope and various hand clapping games. 

When I saw a certain cell phone hawking robot on TV playing jump rope with some children and singing, “My cousin Sally, sittin’ on…”   I asked my wife if she knew that rhyme and she said, “No, I always did, ‘Cinderella, dressed in yella…’” to which I responded…

Went downstairs to kiss a fella’

Made a mistake,

Kissed a snake,

How many doctors will it take?

1, 2, 3, 4…

I realized these rhymes are not the kind you find in books, but they endure in an oral tradition that many people think is extinct.  Here are some of my faves that I have never read, but remember anyhow because the rhyme and rhythm is burned deep in my brain.  The first was a great elimination hand slap game similar to hot potato, the last person in the circle when the rhyme gets to “Ker-plop” is out.

Down by the banks of the Hanky Panky,

Where the bullfrog jumps from bank to banky,

Eep, Op, over the top,

East side, West side, KER-plop!

This next hand clap song is a little racy and always caused a little tittering when it was sung.

Miss Suzy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell, (Ding! Ding!)

Miss Suzy went to heaven, the steamboat went to…

Hello, operator, please give me number nine,

And if you disconnect me,

I’ll kick your old…

Behind the ‘frigerator, there was a piece of glass,

Miss Suzy slipped upon it, and broke her little…

Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies,

The boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their…

Flies are in the meadow, the bees are in the park,

Miss Suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the Dark!

One reason our custom kids books are written in rhyme is that it is more fun to read aloud. Another benefit of rhyme is that it is easier to remember and to guess which words come next as your little one attempts to read the book “all by themselves”.  Maybe, like me with ‘Miss Suzy’, they’ll even remember the texts for years to come!

…

Immediately following "Her Voice" in published collections comes "My Voice". I believe that Wilde intended for the poems to be a dialogue, most likely between either his wife or his former girlfriend, noted beauty Florence Balcombe Stoker (she dumped Wilde and married Bram Stoker) and himself. Whether the conversation is based on something that occurred in actuality or is merely played out in his mind, I think it apparent that "Her Voice" was intended by Wilde to be the words of the woman in a failing relationship, and "My Voice" to be his version of events. First the poems, then the analysis. As always, I hope you can read these aloud wherever you are - they are so much better that way, and the first poem in particular is magnificent.

Her Voice
by Oscar Wilde

The wild bee reels from bough to bough
  With his furry coat and his gauzy wing.
Now in a lily-cup, and now
  Setting a jacinth bell a-swing,
    In his wandering;
Sit closer love: it was here I trow
    I made that vow,

Swore that two lives should be like one
  As long as the sea-gull loved the sea,
As long as the sunflower sought the sun,—
  It shall be, I said, for eternity
    ’Twixt you and me!
Dear friend, those times are over and done,
    Love’s web is spun.

Look upward where the poplar trees
  Sway and sway in the summer air,
Here in the valley never a breeze
  Scatters the thistledown, but there
    Great winds blow fair
From the mighty murmuring mystical seas,
    And the wave-lashed leas.

Look upward where the white gull screams,
  What does it see that we do not see?
Is that a star? or the lamp that gleams
  On some outward voyaging argosy,—
    Ah! can it be
We have lived our lives in a land of dreams!
    How sad it seems.

Sweet, there is nothing left to say
  But this, that love is never lost,
Keen winter stabs the breasts of May
  Whose crimson roses burst his frost,
    Ships tempest-tossed
Will find a harbour in some bay,
    And so we may.

And there is nothing left to do
  But to kiss once again, and part,
Nay, there is nothing we should rue,
  I have my beauty,—you your Art,
    Nay, do not start,
One world was not enough for two
    Like me and you.


My Voice
by Oscar Wilde

Within this restless, hurried, modern world
  We took our hearts’ full pleasure—You and I,
And now the white sails of our ship are furled,
  And spent the lading of our argosy.

Wherefore my cheeks before their time are wan,
  For very weeping is my gladness fled,
Sorrow hath paled my lip’s vermilion,
  And Ruin draws the curtains of my bed.

But all this crowded life has been to thee
  No more than lyre, or lute, or subtle spell
Of viols, or the music of the sea
  That sleeps, a mimic echo, in the shell.

Both poems talk about the end of a relationship, but the voices are very different. Completely intentional, of course - that's why he's made clear that he's presenting things in different voices. He doesn't just mean that he's conveying the words of two different people; he's writing from completely different points of view. In "Her Voice", he's not saying, "look, this is what I heard her say," he's saying "as an author, I am stepping into her shoes, and this is how it is from her point of view."

It's not just the structure of the poems, but the word choices and the viewpoint as well. Both parties speak with regret, but it's clear that their points of regret differ. The woman that Wilde channels in "Her Voice" uses far more words and a more embellished way of making her point (as women are often wont to do); the man's version is shorter, and assumes far more of the weight of responsibility for the relationship's failure. The woman seems to indicate that she loves the man, but just can't stay in the relationship anymore; the man seems to feel crushing sorrow, and may be sickly; further, he notes that "Ruin draws the curtains of my bed". All of this comports with the facts of Wilde's life: Having been sent to jail for "gross indecency", he emerged a sickly, ruined man. His wife, who never divorced him, changed her and their sons' last name to Holland, and terminated Wilde's parental rights. Bram Stoker (husband to Florence) remained friendly with Wilde and visited him on the Continent after he left England.

Discussion of form:
In "Her Voice", the first four lines and the sixth line each have four stressed (or accented syllables), and the fifth and seventh line of each stanza has two stressed syllables. The short lines are mostly iambs (taDUM), but not always. Each of the six stanzas uses the following end-rhyme scheme within it: ABABBAA. The fluidity of the form (with the two shorter lines and the way the end-rhymes mix about) gives the poem a lightness, as well as a more emotional feel due to the ebb and flux of the lines.

In "My Voice", there are only three stanzas (half as many as in "Her Voice"), and they are written in quatrains (four-line stanzas) using a very traditional rhyme and metre: ABAB rhyme in iambic pentameter (five iambic feet per line, taDUM taDUM taDUM taDUM taDUM). "His" poem sounds more regimented and less emotional as a result of its rigid metre scheme.

In addition to discussing parting and loss, both poems make reference to dreams. In "Her Voice," the speaker talks about how she promised forever (and oh the swoony goodness of those declarations about sunflowers and seagulls!), but now feels that they were living inside a dream. The real world has turned up to burst the bubble: "Ah! can it be/We have lived our lives in a land of dreams! How sad it seems." Now that she's living in reality, she's come to take her leave. "Sweet, there is nothing left to say/But this, that love is never lost". She adds references to nature's cycles (May's roses and winter's frost) and to the idea of ships finding safe harbor, both of which are references to life going on. The final stanza, "And there is nothing left to do/But to kiss once again, and part,/Nay, there is nothing we should rue/I have my beauty,—you your Art" invokes for me echoes of Byron's "When We Two Parted", particularly when I read the two poems together and put together the ideas of ruin and paleness and the sense of wasting that is in "My Voice". (That's just my association, by the way - there's no evidence that Wilde went there himself.)

As a final point, I want to look at the final stanza of "My Voice", where the male speaker (who I will assume is actually Wilde) observes that while he is left wasted and in ruin, the woman is free to move on with her life. The problems that have brought them to the point of parting are a dream-like sort of noise, that she can set aside and move away from. One can, after all, hear the ocean inside a shell, but one can also put the shell down and walk away from it.

But all this crowded life has been to thee
  No more than lyre, or lute, or subtle spell
Of viols, or the music of the sea
  That sleeps, a mimic echo, in the shell.

So, yesterday's poetry post gave you a two-for-the-price-of-one sort of deal, with "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love" by Christopher Marlowe and "The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd" by Sir Walter Raleigh. Rather than seizing on the idea of poetic conversation, I decided to go back to the poems and look at what they're talking about: passionate love, and whether or not it can be trusted. And that notion of theme put me in mind of a dark, dark tale in the form of a poetic monologue penned by Robert Browning.

Porphyria's Lover
by Robert Browning

The rain set early in tonight,
The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm-tops down for spite,
And did its worst to vex the lake:
I listened with heart fit to break.
When glided in Porphyria; straight
She shut the cold out and the storm,
And kneeled and made the cheerless grate
Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
Which done, she rose, and from her form
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
And laid her soiled gloves by, untied
Her hat and let the damp hair fall,
And, last, she sat down by my side
And called me. When no voice replied,
She put my arm about her waist,
And made her smooth white shoulder bare,
And all her yellow hair displaced,
And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,
And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,
Murmuring how she loved me — she
Too weak, for all her heart's endeavor,
To set its struggling passion free
From pride, and vainer ties dissever,
And give herself to me forever.
But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could tonight's gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, and all in vain:
So, she was come through wind and rain.
Be sure I looked up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last I knew
Porphyria worshiped me: surprise
Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While I debated what to do.
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untightened next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:
I propped her head up as before,
Only, this time my shoulder bore
Her head, which droops upon it still:
The smiling rosy little head,
So glad it has its utmost will,
That all it scorned at once is fled,
And I, its love, am gained instead!
Porphyria's love: she guessed not how
Her darling one wish would be heard.
And thus we sit together now,
And all night long we have not stirred,
And yet God has not said a word!

Analysis: The poem is 60 lines long, and is written as a single, long stanza although it is, in fact, 12 5-line stanzas if one judges by the rhyme scheme: ABABB CDCDD (etc.) The poem is written in iambic tetrameter (four iambic feet per line: taDUM taDUM taDUM taDUM), and it is a first-person narrative sharing a horrific story, indeed.

The speaker, who is madly in love with Porphyria, tells the tale of a rainy night, when his lady love came to his cottage, kindled his fire (actual and otherwise), then told him she loved him. Realizing that he does not actually deserve her (due to financial inequities - she comes from money, you see, and he lives in a cottage, and therefore does not), and perhaps concerned that the world will intervene, the speaker throttles Porphyria with her own hair, then sits there, embracing her, for quite some time later.

This poem was written just before the start of Queen Victoria's rule, as societal standards were shifting towards repressiveness (and particularly towards repression with respect to female sexuality) but not in the heydey of Victorian principles, which didn't occur until much later in the century. Porphyria is the disease which is believed to have caused the madness of King George III and of Vincent Van Gogh — symptoms include hallucination, paranoia, depression and more — and yet, Browning would have known none of that when he crafted his poem about a man in love with with a woman named Porphyria, which manages to equate love and madness.

As with Browning's later poem, "My Last Duchess", about which I put up a pretty great post once, if I do say so myself, one might question where Browning's thoughts lay on the matter of sexual repression in general, and fear of feminine sexuality in particular. I don't know the answer, but it's pretty clear that this poem, like "My Last Duchess", is intensely psychological. Where "My Last Duchess" depicts the Duke's efforts to control his wife and what can be viewed as her sexual conduct (or, if the Duke is to be believed — and it seems as if he is not — her sexual misconduct), even if only smiles and blushes are mentioned, "Porphyria's Lover" tackles similar themes of feeling threatened by a woman and trying to control her. The speaker in this poem is threatened by her position in society, perhaps, or maybe he's just operating out of a place of personal insecurity; his strangulation of his beloved to ensure her "eternal love" is decidedly controlling (in a crazy-ass way, but still).

I should note that some folks hold the theory that Porphyria is not actually dead, but has merely participated in erotic asphyxiation; that particular interpretation makes the poem kinky instead of creepy, but my money's on creepy, particularly in light of the later poem, "My Last Duchess", which definitely involved craziness and murder.

RHYME AND REASON

I have been fairly successful in selling rhyme to children's magazines in spite of the fact that I don’t know a dactyl from a dinosaur, or an iambic from a ball point pen. I can’t get a handle on stresses and feet. Writing poetry is serious business but that’s no reason not to give it a try.

As a child I memorized every rhyme I heard. I guess I developed an ear for children’s rhymes. All of my rhymes haven't been winners but many have. On the way to getting published I have picked up a few tips, but trust me I have more to learn.

It is helpful to count syllables. Every line of your poem doesn’t have to be the same count, but there should be a repeating pattern, such as 8-8-8-8, or 8-6-8-6, etc. It sounds more pleasing.

#1 I love carrots, crunchy, crispy. (8)
Pretty leaves are fernlike, wispy. (8)
I can’t eat the leaves but funny, (8)
I can feed them to my bunny. (8)

or

#2 The sunshine chases cold away, (8)
And melts the winter snow. (6)
It warms the earth and wakes the seeds (8)
So they can sprout and grow. (6)

Rhyme should follow a scheme of rhymed and unrhymed lines. These are often expressed as letters of the alphabet. Poem #1 is AABB while #2 is ABCB, but there are many different rhyme patterns. Experiment and see which you like best. Study the poetry of others.

A poem should tell a story. It should stir feelings. It should have a beginning, middle and end. Rhymes for children are often playful or humorous.

A rhyme should rhyme, not just almost rhyme. Don’t try to force a rhyme. Do you live in an area where your regional accent might corrupt your poetry? Have your rhyme checked by someone from a different area. Online critique groups are very good for this because often the members are scattered all over the country.

Keep your poetry lean and trim. Sometimes a poem rattles on because you can’t find just the right word to say what you want to say. Don’t fill in with lines that don’t really add meaning to the story. It is better to wait for the right word rather than ramble on endlessly.

If rhyme is your thing, buy one or two rhyming dictionaries, and check out those you can access online.

Last but not least, read your poetry aloud. I recommend a small tape recorder so that you can play it back. This is a good tool for checking the readability of your work. Another good tool is to have someone else read your poem to you. If they stumble something is off. Maybe listening to someone else will help you recognize a problem.

Writing rhyme is fun. Give it a try. Maybe it will put some rhythm in your writing.

Among the many jobs he’s held is trampolinist, lifeguard, computer programmer, English teacher and editor.  He’s written short stories and scripts, and his book Zorgamazoo — 283 pages of flawless rhyme — was one of thirty books chosen by the Children’s Literature Assembly as as a notable book for 2009.

On this edition of Just One More Book!!, Robert Paul Weston talks to Mark about his long history with marble tracks, writing an entire book in rhyming accentual verse and the publishing industry’s reaction to it, and the emotional connection readers experience with Zorgamazoo.

Exciting news!!! Zorgamazoo is on the E. B. White Read Aloud Award shortlist (official information).

Relevant links:

• Official site of Zorgamazoo
• Robert Paul Weston’s blog
• Review of Zorgamazoo on Just One More Book!!